finally... it's christmas... :D merry christmas, everyone~~~ :D
i feel so blessed todae... gave out presents to my family members, which seemed quite unlike me, cos last time we dun give presents to each other within the family... :D seeing them smile.. i feel so happy and glad tt i did give them presents.. though my presents are "cheap", but i really hope they like it.. :D
den.. went to study wif zhanxin and shian chi... really feel blessed to be able to see them on christmas, and to be able to spend time wif them... gave them candy cane and chocolate... though zhanxin din like sweets, but still he ate up the candy cane in front of me... really sorry for buying something he din like for his present.. but wad he did really touched me... thankx. and paiseh....
halfway through the "study group" at kap, i left the two of them and went for "family outing" wif my family... tot i was going to have a lunch feast, but i ended up spending my 3 hours there shopping... like crazy... hahas.. diao.... spend so much money... hehes...
after tt, went back to kap to study.... den after studying for 2 hours, left kap for home... it's drizzling... but i feel warm inside me, cos i know i'm being loved by my friends, by my family... :D it's really a happy dae for me... :D hope tt every dae can b something liddat too.. :D cos i wanna see the pple i love ard me smile...
merry christmas, everyone... :D
25 December 2003
15 December 2003
m| sh| dE x|aO m|aN yAnG...
hahas.. long time nv post here liaoz..
these few days.... some pple say tt i look sad... well.. actually.. it's pansy and weixiang.. they said tt i looked sad.. when i wasn't feeling sad at all... how furnie.. hahas... den i went to ask junyi how i looked for the past few days.. he said i look lost... like i've lost my goal in life... i think this is quite true... unfortunately... hahas...
feel like i'm a lost sheep... bumping my way around... wonder whether it's becoz of tt guy... hope not... but i really dunno... sighz.. these few days.. not happy but not sad either... sometimes i really wanna cry.. but i juz can't form the tears in my eyes... laugh... junyi said tt when i laff he could tell tt i wasn't laffing from the bottom of my heart... arrgh... i really dunno wad to do...
maybe it's time i set myself a goal... and stop feeling lost... but wad goal would keep me focused? izzit studies? short term goal maybe... but wad abt long term? sighz... ask me to choose a path... i wun even noe wad paths r b4 me.. hahas... sotong jiu shi sotong mahz.. hahas..
dunno y ar... todae... tt person wif 10 letter name was so weird... pple say he got pms.. hahas... after our practice at around 7, he started to chase everybody in the mph away, without making a sound... he switched off the lights, locked the door and went off liddat with many pple still practising inside... knowing tt pple can still unlock the doors from the inside... wonder wad's wrong wif him.. probably it's cos of the practice with his solo song earlier... this makes me more curious as to the things tt happened with regards to him when he was back in hc.. hahas... me very kaypo ar... :P
sometimes i really question myself... y did i join the practices after my concert? y did i tie myself to this "commitment" which i dun feel committed to? i feel like i dun really noe the pple there... feel kinda distant from the pple at alumni co... sometimes i really hate myself for being so thick skinned to join a co with guys as the majority... hahas.. watashi wa baka desu...
these few days.... some pple say tt i look sad... well.. actually.. it's pansy and weixiang.. they said tt i looked sad.. when i wasn't feeling sad at all... how furnie.. hahas... den i went to ask junyi how i looked for the past few days.. he said i look lost... like i've lost my goal in life... i think this is quite true... unfortunately... hahas...
feel like i'm a lost sheep... bumping my way around... wonder whether it's becoz of tt guy... hope not... but i really dunno... sighz.. these few days.. not happy but not sad either... sometimes i really wanna cry.. but i juz can't form the tears in my eyes... laugh... junyi said tt when i laff he could tell tt i wasn't laffing from the bottom of my heart... arrgh... i really dunno wad to do...
maybe it's time i set myself a goal... and stop feeling lost... but wad goal would keep me focused? izzit studies? short term goal maybe... but wad abt long term? sighz... ask me to choose a path... i wun even noe wad paths r b4 me.. hahas... sotong jiu shi sotong mahz.. hahas..
dunno y ar... todae... tt person wif 10 letter name was so weird... pple say he got pms.. hahas... after our practice at around 7, he started to chase everybody in the mph away, without making a sound... he switched off the lights, locked the door and went off liddat with many pple still practising inside... knowing tt pple can still unlock the doors from the inside... wonder wad's wrong wif him.. probably it's cos of the practice with his solo song earlier... this makes me more curious as to the things tt happened with regards to him when he was back in hc.. hahas... me very kaypo ar... :P
sometimes i really question myself... y did i join the practices after my concert? y did i tie myself to this "commitment" which i dun feel committed to? i feel like i dun really noe the pple there... feel kinda distant from the pple at alumni co... sometimes i really hate myself for being so thick skinned to join a co with guys as the majority... hahas.. watashi wa baka desu...
04 December 2003
sHoULd | LeT gO oF mYsELf?
hahas... todae went for ccy camp.. supposed to be doing cip work and stuff.. hahas.. dunno y ar... in the end we played games the whole dae.. hahas....
todae.. learnt quite some stuff during a talk which i would usually have branded it as boring.... learn tt we muz acknowledge other's talents as well as our own... every child is gifted... this helps me build a little self confidence...
oso... keep giving... though we might have setbacks such as mistakes we could have commited, sickness or some other stuff... we should use these as motivation to make us continue giving... and most importantly... to learn to give... even when it hurts.. den continue giving more... :D
i think this is the most important i learnt todae.... cos... i've been feeling really tired nowadays... really started doubting the reasons behind wad i'm doing now.... wonder if i'm being too nice until i'm bullied and i dunno ... and wonder if it's easier for me to be not so nice.. to juz ignore other pple's feelings and stuff... sometimes... giving... hurts... even now... i still feel a little hurt when i try to give... maybe to a certain extent.. please the pple ard me.. hahas... really feel tired... juz feel like stopping.. but this talk gave me to motivation to move on with a renewed vigour...
another important thing which set me thinking during the talk was the thing of letting go of our consciousness... we dun give others or give really little to others because of our fear of being ridiculed... of being rejected and stuff... and so... in this case... if we feel hurt when giving to others... we should maybe let go of ourselves.. or look at things from the bigger picture... maybe i should do that... though i noe it'll hurt for me to do this... because i dunno wad's the implications of me letting go of my consciousness... but perhaps it'll be a little easier on my part... i dunno... the future is full of uncertainty bah.... hahas...
had much fun in this camp.... todae... though played games ... den ended up really dirty and stuff... but got to know more pple... kinda look forward to doing cip tomoloz.. hahas.. dunno when i'm so enthu abt this.. hehes... the structural lunch and stuff.. hahas... :P
after our camp... all dirty and stuff.. i went to clean up... went for dinner.. den went to study for sat... this is the time when i really tried to apply wad i learnt during the talk todae... cos as i tried to "give" to my two friends studying wif me... i noe i'm being silly... doing something which is totally not required on my part... there's no need for me to do tt.. and by doing so i'm in a sense being bullied and stuff... but... in the end i still gave them a free drink.. hahas.. actually.. coming to think of it.. it's such a small matter... but dun understand y i'll feeling so "hurt" abt simply giving such a small "treat"... hahas...
should i let go of myself? this is the question tt i really wonder now... a while ago.. i was feeling hurt cos of relationship stuff... now i seem to be facing tt feeling everyday cos i'm practically thinking abt it so often... if i let go of myself... i would probably feel less pain... but would tt mean i would sink further in? i really dunno... really unsure of wad this "choice" would probably lead to...
really look forward to the paint job tomoloz.. :D
todae.. learnt quite some stuff during a talk which i would usually have branded it as boring.... learn tt we muz acknowledge other's talents as well as our own... every child is gifted... this helps me build a little self confidence...
oso... keep giving... though we might have setbacks such as mistakes we could have commited, sickness or some other stuff... we should use these as motivation to make us continue giving... and most importantly... to learn to give... even when it hurts.. den continue giving more... :D
i think this is the most important i learnt todae.... cos... i've been feeling really tired nowadays... really started doubting the reasons behind wad i'm doing now.... wonder if i'm being too nice until i'm bullied and i dunno ... and wonder if it's easier for me to be not so nice.. to juz ignore other pple's feelings and stuff... sometimes... giving... hurts... even now... i still feel a little hurt when i try to give... maybe to a certain extent.. please the pple ard me.. hahas... really feel tired... juz feel like stopping.. but this talk gave me to motivation to move on with a renewed vigour...
another important thing which set me thinking during the talk was the thing of letting go of our consciousness... we dun give others or give really little to others because of our fear of being ridiculed... of being rejected and stuff... and so... in this case... if we feel hurt when giving to others... we should maybe let go of ourselves.. or look at things from the bigger picture... maybe i should do that... though i noe it'll hurt for me to do this... because i dunno wad's the implications of me letting go of my consciousness... but perhaps it'll be a little easier on my part... i dunno... the future is full of uncertainty bah.... hahas...
had much fun in this camp.... todae... though played games ... den ended up really dirty and stuff... but got to know more pple... kinda look forward to doing cip tomoloz.. hahas.. dunno when i'm so enthu abt this.. hehes... the structural lunch and stuff.. hahas... :P
after our camp... all dirty and stuff.. i went to clean up... went for dinner.. den went to study for sat... this is the time when i really tried to apply wad i learnt during the talk todae... cos as i tried to "give" to my two friends studying wif me... i noe i'm being silly... doing something which is totally not required on my part... there's no need for me to do tt.. and by doing so i'm in a sense being bullied and stuff... but... in the end i still gave them a free drink.. hahas.. actually.. coming to think of it.. it's such a small matter... but dun understand y i'll feeling so "hurt" abt simply giving such a small "treat"... hahas...
should i let go of myself? this is the question tt i really wonder now... a while ago.. i was feeling hurt cos of relationship stuff... now i seem to be facing tt feeling everyday cos i'm practically thinking abt it so often... if i let go of myself... i would probably feel less pain... but would tt mean i would sink further in? i really dunno... really unsure of wad this "choice" would probably lead to...
really look forward to the paint job tomoloz.. :D
03 December 2003
sorry for this terribly late post... THANKX~ to everyone who went for the klass bbq...
hahas... sorry abt this ar... so busy until i keep forgeting to thank all u guys... know tt i should tell ur straight face to face but scared i'll forget again.. hahas.. sotong jiu shi sotong mahz... so.. juz wanna say a big..
THANK YOU~~
to pple like weixiang who helped booked the bbq pit... to shian chi who helped out wif bbqing the food while others were pigging out (including me.. hahas.. guilty look... :P) to wendy who helped to marinate the chicken wings and to organise the whole event... to xiaoli who went to help us order the cake... to zhanxin who helped to bring the radio... and to every one who came.. :D especially junyi... :D hahas.. see? i din trick u into coming ar... if u dun come u'll really regret.. hehes.. and thankx to junyi oso for waiting for me tt dae.. hahas.. sorry for making u wait until so late... wanted to go off at 9.15.... in the end drag until so damn late.. paiseh paiseh....
hope u guys had loads of fun at the bbq... i really enjoyed it myself tt dae.. hope u guys did so too~~ hahas... :D
THANK YOU~~
to pple like weixiang who helped booked the bbq pit... to shian chi who helped out wif bbqing the food while others were pigging out (including me.. hahas.. guilty look... :P) to wendy who helped to marinate the chicken wings and to organise the whole event... to xiaoli who went to help us order the cake... to zhanxin who helped to bring the radio... and to every one who came.. :D especially junyi... :D hahas.. see? i din trick u into coming ar... if u dun come u'll really regret.. hehes.. and thankx to junyi oso for waiting for me tt dae.. hahas.. sorry for making u wait until so late... wanted to go off at 9.15.... in the end drag until so damn late.. paiseh paiseh....
hope u guys had loads of fun at the bbq... i really enjoyed it myself tt dae.. hope u guys did so too~~ hahas... :D
wAd aM | dO|nG?
dun understand wassup wif me... these few daes.... juz feel tt i'm not in a terribly good mood... like i'm not totally "myself"... get irritated easily... feel really tired and sick....
juz yesterdae... i did quite a few things which i dun understand y i did them... coming to think of it... i felt tt i shouldn't have done so.... dun understand y i am not in the "right" frame of mind.... going abt showing others impatience and stuff... the usual me would probably not be so easily irritated and get impatient....
the more i think of stuff... the more confused i am.... dunno wad i'm doing.... feeling lost.... lost in my thoughts probably... thinking of so many things... most of the time thinking of one person though... sad life... but not happy thoughts... i think i'm becoming more and more irrational... hahas.... is this bad? i think so.... hahas...
dun understand... y i'm doing stuff which would probably make others unhappy... and dun understand y i'm doing stuff which would also upset myself... dunno whether i should be happy... sad... upset... or joyous.... disappointed... relieved or anything.... feel like i'm floating again... lost probably... looking for something probably... but i dunno wad it is... hahas...
wad is the real me? izzit the one who always go around laffing her head off... self entertaining herself... trying to bring joy to others..... or izzit the one who's always so deep in thought.... the pessimist... or izzit the impatient one.... rash and impulsive... maybe all these are part of me... the different sides of me... but which one is my true self? sometimes... i'm really tired... others keep saying tt i'm such a nice person... but... am i really tt nice? really tired now.... tired of being the nice person or so they say... sometimes wonder... wad if i decide to be a baddie now... hahas.. wonder wad would happen...
juz yesterdae... i did quite a few things which i dun understand y i did them... coming to think of it... i felt tt i shouldn't have done so.... dun understand y i am not in the "right" frame of mind.... going abt showing others impatience and stuff... the usual me would probably not be so easily irritated and get impatient....
the more i think of stuff... the more confused i am.... dunno wad i'm doing.... feeling lost.... lost in my thoughts probably... thinking of so many things... most of the time thinking of one person though... sad life... but not happy thoughts... i think i'm becoming more and more irrational... hahas.... is this bad? i think so.... hahas...
dun understand... y i'm doing stuff which would probably make others unhappy... and dun understand y i'm doing stuff which would also upset myself... dunno whether i should be happy... sad... upset... or joyous.... disappointed... relieved or anything.... feel like i'm floating again... lost probably... looking for something probably... but i dunno wad it is... hahas...
wad is the real me? izzit the one who always go around laffing her head off... self entertaining herself... trying to bring joy to others..... or izzit the one who's always so deep in thought.... the pessimist... or izzit the impatient one.... rash and impulsive... maybe all these are part of me... the different sides of me... but which one is my true self? sometimes... i'm really tired... others keep saying tt i'm such a nice person... but... am i really tt nice? really tired now.... tired of being the nice person or so they say... sometimes wonder... wad if i decide to be a baddie now... hahas.. wonder wad would happen...
02 December 2003
|t'S f|naLLy oVeR~~~
wah.. finally my erhu exam is over~~~ yays~~~ :D really worked hard for this dae.. hahas...
hmms. dunno whether i'll b able to pass this exam... heard from my sis tt the examiners were laffing halfway through the exam.. dunno whether laffing at how pathetic i'm playing my songs or wad.. or maybe i look furnie.. hahas... or .. maybe i really look hilarious.. hahas...
now tt it's finally over... really wanna slack like hell... hahas... but the thought tt i'm going to stop my lessons makes me sad... dunno y.. hahas... erhu my lao gong mah.... hahas.... :P
hmms. dunno whether i'll b able to pass this exam... heard from my sis tt the examiners were laffing halfway through the exam.. dunno whether laffing at how pathetic i'm playing my songs or wad.. or maybe i look furnie.. hahas... or .. maybe i really look hilarious.. hahas...
now tt it's finally over... really wanna slack like hell... hahas... but the thought tt i'm going to stop my lessons makes me sad... dunno y.. hahas... erhu my lao gong mah.... hahas.... :P
25 November 2003
fRuStRaTeD~~~~
haiz... todae tot i was in quite a good mood ar... went for erhu lesson todae.. surprisingly.. i noe i'm really not up to standard ar.. but xls din scold me like she does towards sujuan.. arrgh.. dunno y lehz.. if she got nag at me den i probably wun feel so stressed ar.. but when she's nice to me.. i'll feel like i need to work really really hard to meet up her expectations.. hahas.. diao.. i think i'm super weird... can't stand pple being nice to me ar... hahas... think tt makes me easy to manipulate though.. hahas...
dunno lehz.. sometimes.. the nicer pple are towards me.. the more insecure i feel ar... maybe.. cos i dun understand y they are so nice to me bah.. it's like... firstly.. i'm not worth them being nice to me.. cos in the first place i'm not tt nice to them.. and secondly.. r they nice to me becoz they want something out of me? hahas.. silly lehz... but i think... i cannot fully escape from tt ying yin which still affects me a little...
sighz... wanna practise wif my sis for xin hun bie todae.. but den again she not free.. feeling stressed and frustrated cos i'm scared i cmi for the exam which is only 4 days away... it's like every time when i'm free she's not, and vice versa... for tt i'm really really worried tt we cannot go for the exam together.. and i think tt's y my mood spoil ar.. hahas. diao...
hahas.. my blog was almost discovered by someone.. hahas.. weird ar... i'm scared tt someone finds their way here without my knowing.. weird ar.. hahas.. i suppose i'm juz really paraniod abt such stuff ar.. abt letting pple know more abt me... maybe cos i'm scared they'll get too close for comfort.. dunno ar...
kkz larz.. shall jiayouz for erhu.. :D
dunno lehz.. sometimes.. the nicer pple are towards me.. the more insecure i feel ar... maybe.. cos i dun understand y they are so nice to me bah.. it's like... firstly.. i'm not worth them being nice to me.. cos in the first place i'm not tt nice to them.. and secondly.. r they nice to me becoz they want something out of me? hahas.. silly lehz... but i think... i cannot fully escape from tt ying yin which still affects me a little...
sighz... wanna practise wif my sis for xin hun bie todae.. but den again she not free.. feeling stressed and frustrated cos i'm scared i cmi for the exam which is only 4 days away... it's like every time when i'm free she's not, and vice versa... for tt i'm really really worried tt we cannot go for the exam together.. and i think tt's y my mood spoil ar.. hahas. diao...
hahas.. my blog was almost discovered by someone.. hahas.. weird ar... i'm scared tt someone finds their way here without my knowing.. weird ar.. hahas.. i suppose i'm juz really paraniod abt such stuff ar.. abt letting pple know more abt me... maybe cos i'm scared they'll get too close for comfort.. dunno ar...
kkz larz.. shall jiayouz for erhu.. :D
18 November 2003
shalalalaz~~~~~ :D
wah... finally.. another dae is over...
hahas.. i think i muz b mad... early in the morning i was like feeling so moody..but at the end of the day i feel so happy and pleased wif myself... ar... stop it ar... u still have loads of stuff to work on... wah~~~
wah.. yesterdae... sujuan juz called me at the end of the co practice to tell me tt she'll not b taking the erhu exam wif me... saying tt she's really busy and xls was saying tt she cmi ar... when i heard tt i feel really demoralised and down.. cos i oso noe tt i cmi ar... i was really tired ar.. cos i have been practising really hard (or maybe it wasn't hard enuff) for the week and becoz i had to attend to other problems i face.. i feel really drained ar... was on the verge of giving up liaoz.. den sj called and told me her decision.. it really made me wonder if i should oso juz give up... cos.. i really wanna rest ar...
but... at the beginning of the year... i had actually xia ding jue xin.. when i started going for private lessons wif xls... i was sorta telling myself tt i'll be committed to taking the exam at the end of the year.... no matter how tough it would be.... den.. yesterdae was still chatting wif kelvin, weixiang.. den... dey all encourage me to jiayou... really touched by their support.. :D
so.. dis morning when i woke up.. still feeling quite stressed.. cos i felt that i din practise really really hard... still got loads of stuff i need to practise for my three songs... but in the end... cos yesterdae nite weixiang was telling me tt i need to get out of the house to relax... not to feel so sad... so i decided to go orchard to play pool wif the guys.. :D ... hahas.. it's my second time... hahas.. but i'm still so lousy... sotong jiu shi sotong mahz... hahas.. i can tell tt my shi fu.. weixiang... see me play oso a bit buay tahan.. cos my aiming really lousy.. hahas.. :P ... dui bu qi ar, kor.... shi fu hao tu di lan.... tt's y.. hahas... :P
den.. at the end of the dae.. went for the erhu lesson.... i was feeling nervous.. cos i dunno how to break the news to xls abt sj....but in the end... all turned out quite well ar... phew.. hahas.. at the end of the lesson xls was telling me tt i got improvement... yay~~~~ :D :D :D ... hahas.. finally the sweat and toil i put in showed a bit of result.. hahas.. :D :D :D ... i think i'm going mad wif joy.. hahas.. i think i'm mad... okies.. stop it ar... still got a lot of things to work on ar.. hahas.. hahas.. :P
wah.. all of sudden... i feel like this lesson and "encouragement" from xls brightened up my dae... okies ar.. wad's left of my dae.. hahas...juz hope i can continue to improve... den can pass my erhu exam.. yay~~~ :D
hahas.. i think i muz b mad... early in the morning i was like feeling so moody..but at the end of the day i feel so happy and pleased wif myself... ar... stop it ar... u still have loads of stuff to work on... wah~~~
wah.. yesterdae... sujuan juz called me at the end of the co practice to tell me tt she'll not b taking the erhu exam wif me... saying tt she's really busy and xls was saying tt she cmi ar... when i heard tt i feel really demoralised and down.. cos i oso noe tt i cmi ar... i was really tired ar.. cos i have been practising really hard (or maybe it wasn't hard enuff) for the week and becoz i had to attend to other problems i face.. i feel really drained ar... was on the verge of giving up liaoz.. den sj called and told me her decision.. it really made me wonder if i should oso juz give up... cos.. i really wanna rest ar...
but... at the beginning of the year... i had actually xia ding jue xin.. when i started going for private lessons wif xls... i was sorta telling myself tt i'll be committed to taking the exam at the end of the year.... no matter how tough it would be.... den.. yesterdae was still chatting wif kelvin, weixiang.. den... dey all encourage me to jiayou... really touched by their support.. :D
so.. dis morning when i woke up.. still feeling quite stressed.. cos i felt that i din practise really really hard... still got loads of stuff i need to practise for my three songs... but in the end... cos yesterdae nite weixiang was telling me tt i need to get out of the house to relax... not to feel so sad... so i decided to go orchard to play pool wif the guys.. :D ... hahas.. it's my second time... hahas.. but i'm still so lousy... sotong jiu shi sotong mahz... hahas.. i can tell tt my shi fu.. weixiang... see me play oso a bit buay tahan.. cos my aiming really lousy.. hahas.. :P ... dui bu qi ar, kor.... shi fu hao tu di lan.... tt's y.. hahas... :P
den.. at the end of the dae.. went for the erhu lesson.... i was feeling nervous.. cos i dunno how to break the news to xls abt sj....but in the end... all turned out quite well ar... phew.. hahas.. at the end of the lesson xls was telling me tt i got improvement... yay~~~~ :D :D :D ... hahas.. finally the sweat and toil i put in showed a bit of result.. hahas.. :D :D :D ... i think i'm going mad wif joy.. hahas.. i think i'm mad... okies.. stop it ar... still got a lot of things to work on ar.. hahas.. hahas.. :P
wah.. all of sudden... i feel like this lesson and "encouragement" from xls brightened up my dae... okies ar.. wad's left of my dae.. hahas...juz hope i can continue to improve... den can pass my erhu exam.. yay~~~ :D
16 November 2003
hahas.. in honour of my kor... :P
hahas.. promised my kor tt i'll set a post specially aside for him.. kor.. u happy a nots? :P
hahas.. weixiang ar... he's a really nice kor ar... he can always make me happy when he's around.. crapping lame jokes.. making furnie comments abt pple... :P really makes me laff my head off even when i'm really totally down... :D
he's oso a really nice person to confide to and to share secrets with.... really enjoy talking to him... to share our joys and sorrows.. he's definitely nicer than my first kor from ac.. tt horrible randy ar.. hahas.. :P (opps.. sorry kor.. ermz.. i mean... randy... :P)
hahas.. my first impression of him when i first met the klass is tt he's an outgoing person... someone who's pretty straightforward.. one who is capable... experienced when it comes to leadership stuff... someone others can probably look up to... but not someone who's very serious... someone who seemed to be influential.... but rather... in a somewhat negative way... i dunno how to put it.. cos when i first got to know him.. we still weren't close... den i see how he plays and hangs out wif our klassmates... he's like one major source of gossip.. (hahas.. juz like me..) den.. gives me the impression tt he's someone who can't really keep secrets... but i'm totally wrong.. and i'm really glad i'm wrong in this aspect.. :D
i'm really fortunate to get to noe u ar.. weixiang.. :D really hope tt we can be friends 4eva and for u to be my kor always... let us work hard during the hols to brush up on our studies together, kayz? :D
cheers.. :D
hahas.. weixiang ar... he's a really nice kor ar... he can always make me happy when he's around.. crapping lame jokes.. making furnie comments abt pple... :P really makes me laff my head off even when i'm really totally down... :D
he's oso a really nice person to confide to and to share secrets with.... really enjoy talking to him... to share our joys and sorrows.. he's definitely nicer than my first kor from ac.. tt horrible randy ar.. hahas.. :P (opps.. sorry kor.. ermz.. i mean... randy... :P)
hahas.. my first impression of him when i first met the klass is tt he's an outgoing person... someone who's pretty straightforward.. one who is capable... experienced when it comes to leadership stuff... someone others can probably look up to... but not someone who's very serious... someone who seemed to be influential.... but rather... in a somewhat negative way... i dunno how to put it.. cos when i first got to know him.. we still weren't close... den i see how he plays and hangs out wif our klassmates... he's like one major source of gossip.. (hahas.. juz like me..) den.. gives me the impression tt he's someone who can't really keep secrets... but i'm totally wrong.. and i'm really glad i'm wrong in this aspect.. :D
i'm really fortunate to get to noe u ar.. weixiang.. :D really hope tt we can be friends 4eva and for u to be my kor always... let us work hard during the hols to brush up on our studies together, kayz? :D
cheers.. :D
11 November 2003
lemme wake up from this horrible dream...
todae is simply a horrible dae ar... think i screwed up loads of stuff....
haiz.. pw todae again... really wanna kill my brother... (the one in sec one, not weixiang...) he deleted my pw slides without asking me, and tt's the only copy i had... wah.. the moment i think of it, my headache comes back at full blast.... and he din even bothered to apologise lohz... haiz.. the more i think of it the more i wanna kill him...
he really reminds me of this person in my klass whom i dun like and both came from tchs... the thought of it makes me sick... my brother and yh.. becoming alike... it's like the two of them came out from the same mould... sickening...
haiz.. becoz of my brother's stupid action.. i got so scared and stressed abt pw.... haiz... went to school... saw my grp members there.. dunno how to face them ar.... i feel like i'm responsible ar.. den becoz of the deleted file, our grp had to work on the slides extra hard....
most of our klassmates are working in the com lab wif us to finish up our op for pw... den they were all waiting for us to go for lunch.... but.... juz as we were going to burn our file into the cd... guess wad? the com hang..... wah.. our files kanna deleted.. cos tt's how the coms in the lab work.. once it reboots, any files tt are not the original files which we found in the com would b deleted... wah... and it's all my fault.. cos i was too impatient... i knew tt the com was abt to hang... so i pressed ctrl + alt + del... din noe tt the files would be gone if i did tt.. sighz...
haiz.. i'm really thankful towards my grp members... weixiang and zhanxin... for being so understanding... haiz... i really feel like i did them a disservice.. always puting our grp into jeopady... (not sure abt spelling.. hahas...) haiz... yet they are still so nice to me... really touched... *sobz*
finally finished wif pw... went on to attend my erhu lesson.. things were as bad as always.. i couldn't memorise the scores for the song han gong qiu yue... sighz... really sad todae.. some more got a bad headache.. oso dunno why... maybe stressed ar... haiz...
juz feel like i'm living in this dream.. maybe the after effects from watching the matrix? hahas... if i'm really living a dream for this dae, i wanna wake up.... haiz...
haiz.. pw todae again... really wanna kill my brother... (the one in sec one, not weixiang...) he deleted my pw slides without asking me, and tt's the only copy i had... wah.. the moment i think of it, my headache comes back at full blast.... and he din even bothered to apologise lohz... haiz.. the more i think of it the more i wanna kill him...
he really reminds me of this person in my klass whom i dun like and both came from tchs... the thought of it makes me sick... my brother and yh.. becoming alike... it's like the two of them came out from the same mould... sickening...
haiz.. becoz of my brother's stupid action.. i got so scared and stressed abt pw.... haiz... went to school... saw my grp members there.. dunno how to face them ar.... i feel like i'm responsible ar.. den becoz of the deleted file, our grp had to work on the slides extra hard....
most of our klassmates are working in the com lab wif us to finish up our op for pw... den they were all waiting for us to go for lunch.... but.... juz as we were going to burn our file into the cd... guess wad? the com hang..... wah.. our files kanna deleted.. cos tt's how the coms in the lab work.. once it reboots, any files tt are not the original files which we found in the com would b deleted... wah... and it's all my fault.. cos i was too impatient... i knew tt the com was abt to hang... so i pressed ctrl + alt + del... din noe tt the files would be gone if i did tt.. sighz...
haiz.. i'm really thankful towards my grp members... weixiang and zhanxin... for being so understanding... haiz... i really feel like i did them a disservice.. always puting our grp into jeopady... (not sure abt spelling.. hahas...) haiz... yet they are still so nice to me... really touched... *sobz*
finally finished wif pw... went on to attend my erhu lesson.. things were as bad as always.. i couldn't memorise the scores for the song han gong qiu yue... sighz... really sad todae.. some more got a bad headache.. oso dunno why... maybe stressed ar... haiz...
juz feel like i'm living in this dream.. maybe the after effects from watching the matrix? hahas... if i'm really living a dream for this dae, i wanna wake up.... haiz...
10 November 2003
haiz...
another dae juz passed...
dunno ar.. remember i said something tt i felt tt something is abt to happen? dunno.. somehow.. after my chat wif pansy.. tt feeling is coming back, strong than b4..
todae.. had pw... sighz... dunno y.. dunno whether it's my problem or sheila's... i feel like i offended sheila in some way or another... like she's super bu shuang wif me.... dunno ar.. maybe i'm juz too sensitive on my part.. but i remember todae.. i tried to carry something for her todae when she said dun try to, and she shot me this poisonous look as if she's going to kill me... this made me really pissed off... i wanna taunt her.. (dunno.. this ah lian in me izzit?) telling her tt i'm not scared of her shooting tt poisonous look at me.. (come on ar.. i think i can oso b as scary as her lohz.. tt look.. i mean.. dunno ar..) but then.. i dun wana make things worst, so i juz dropped her bag to let herself carry...
she remains as nice to all the pple around her except me.. at least tt's how i feel.. she seems really hostile... maybe i haven't been talking to her for some time... dunno ar.. but i feel that i'm at fault... maybe a little, but the main focus dun seem to be me lehz.. hahas.. i think all of us would choose to think that others are at fault before we think tt it's our own fault.. haha...
besides tt.. todae.. i finally had a good chat wif pansy todae... after op todae, i went out wif her for a meal.. :D hahas.. tried really good food.. eat until i still wanna eat.. go home still gobble up my dinner. hahas.. i think i'll turn into a pig at this rate ar.. hahas.. :P
i told her abt this feeling tt something is abt to happen... and she told me not to worry.. but it's after i told her this, i started to think more abt this, and tt feeling seems to grow stronger... dun understand y... dunno whether tt thing which is abt to happen is something good or bad... but.. i dun seem to like tt thing to happen... it's weird lar.. even i can't really explain it... maybe i'm afraid tt it would change the way i live my life... nola.. i dun think it would have such a huge impact.. ermz.. maybe.. how it might change the way i perceive things?
hahas.. she's talking abt her perfect wedding, den she decided not to tell me the details of wad she wants in order for her wedding to b a perfect one.. cos she scared tt i copy her.. hahas... den i told her i might not even get married in the first place.. hahas... dunno lehz.. i seem, no... i have this really pessimistic view abt love.. hahas.. sad case ar.. :P .. any way.. her first reaction was... are u going to b a spinster?... hahas... dunno ar... somehow.. i feel tt if in my lifetime i really din meet the person whom i'm going to marry becoz i love him or becoz fate binds ur together, i dun think i'll ever get married... hahas... somehow i juz have the feeling tt i'll never meet that special person..
haiz.. 10 more daes to 20 Nov.. i'm getting nearer and nearer to 1 Dec... to my erhu exam.. i noe i have to sit down and practise, but i'm can't seem to get into the "mugging" mode lehz.. dunno ar... juz feel like lazing around.. slacking around.. hahas... lazy bum.. :P
kkz larz.. tt's all for now.. gotta watch xi jie shao nian.. :P
dunno ar.. remember i said something tt i felt tt something is abt to happen? dunno.. somehow.. after my chat wif pansy.. tt feeling is coming back, strong than b4..
todae.. had pw... sighz... dunno y.. dunno whether it's my problem or sheila's... i feel like i offended sheila in some way or another... like she's super bu shuang wif me.... dunno ar.. maybe i'm juz too sensitive on my part.. but i remember todae.. i tried to carry something for her todae when she said dun try to, and she shot me this poisonous look as if she's going to kill me... this made me really pissed off... i wanna taunt her.. (dunno.. this ah lian in me izzit?) telling her tt i'm not scared of her shooting tt poisonous look at me.. (come on ar.. i think i can oso b as scary as her lohz.. tt look.. i mean.. dunno ar..) but then.. i dun wana make things worst, so i juz dropped her bag to let herself carry...
she remains as nice to all the pple around her except me.. at least tt's how i feel.. she seems really hostile... maybe i haven't been talking to her for some time... dunno ar.. but i feel that i'm at fault... maybe a little, but the main focus dun seem to be me lehz.. hahas.. i think all of us would choose to think that others are at fault before we think tt it's our own fault.. haha...
besides tt.. todae.. i finally had a good chat wif pansy todae... after op todae, i went out wif her for a meal.. :D hahas.. tried really good food.. eat until i still wanna eat.. go home still gobble up my dinner. hahas.. i think i'll turn into a pig at this rate ar.. hahas.. :P
i told her abt this feeling tt something is abt to happen... and she told me not to worry.. but it's after i told her this, i started to think more abt this, and tt feeling seems to grow stronger... dun understand y... dunno whether tt thing which is abt to happen is something good or bad... but.. i dun seem to like tt thing to happen... it's weird lar.. even i can't really explain it... maybe i'm afraid tt it would change the way i live my life... nola.. i dun think it would have such a huge impact.. ermz.. maybe.. how it might change the way i perceive things?
hahas.. she's talking abt her perfect wedding, den she decided not to tell me the details of wad she wants in order for her wedding to b a perfect one.. cos she scared tt i copy her.. hahas... den i told her i might not even get married in the first place.. hahas... dunno lehz.. i seem, no... i have this really pessimistic view abt love.. hahas.. sad case ar.. :P .. any way.. her first reaction was... are u going to b a spinster?... hahas... dunno ar... somehow.. i feel tt if in my lifetime i really din meet the person whom i'm going to marry becoz i love him or becoz fate binds ur together, i dun think i'll ever get married... hahas... somehow i juz have the feeling tt i'll never meet that special person..
haiz.. 10 more daes to 20 Nov.. i'm getting nearer and nearer to 1 Dec... to my erhu exam.. i noe i have to sit down and practise, but i'm can't seem to get into the "mugging" mode lehz.. dunno ar... juz feel like lazing around.. slacking around.. hahas... lazy bum.. :P
kkz larz.. tt's all for now.. gotta watch xi jie shao nian.. :P
28 October 2003
... sighz....
really sad todae.. haiz..
sometimes really wonder... how can i be so stupid? and so blur? i'm so blur until even i can't stand it myself...
todae.. did pw... dunno.. everyone think i'm the one who organised this meeting.. like i'm the secretary liddat.. supposed to order pple around liddat.. but.. dunno lehz... i juz feel i'm not the type of person who can lead... dunno.. i felt tt i'm better as a leader when i was still in sec school than now... y? i seemed to have forgotten the leader in me...
i feel tt everybody has been very tolerant towards me, no matter how lousy i am.. i'm nobody... always making trouble for others.. hahas.... always slow in catching stuff... last to understand jokes... late coming number 1... have such poor grades and is so lazy... i have so many bad points until i dun even know the whole list... haiz...
weixiang is so nice to me todae... after pw meeting at his house todae... (he pon school todae.. hahas... we had to meet him after he played LAN wif jon...) i practised erhu in his room... wif sheila and zhanxin... haiz... din really practise in detail.. played really lousy there... den the three of them were playing dai di.. hahas.. :P in the end.. almost late for lesson... weixiang sent us to the bus stop... and gave me directions to my teacher's house.. but guess wad?
i lost count of the no of busstops to alight at at around the 4th bus stop... only 7 bus stops to alight lehz.. still can lose count.. wah.. sotong jiu shi sotong.. haiz... never mind... i hailed a taxi.. and had a communication breakdown wif the driver.. wanted to go serangoon ave 3, the driver asked me whether i wanted to go serangoon or serangoon north.. but i din understand... hahaz... really cmi ar..
went for lesson... got "scolded" by xls... cos me and sujuan din really practise throughout the week since end of promos.. haiz... feel like crying... cos... i really din wanna be so lousy... wanted to play better... but i myself... oso very lazy.. deserve it ar... haiz...
sometimes really wonder... how can i be so stupid? and so blur? i'm so blur until even i can't stand it myself...
todae.. did pw... dunno.. everyone think i'm the one who organised this meeting.. like i'm the secretary liddat.. supposed to order pple around liddat.. but.. dunno lehz... i juz feel i'm not the type of person who can lead... dunno.. i felt tt i'm better as a leader when i was still in sec school than now... y? i seemed to have forgotten the leader in me...
i feel tt everybody has been very tolerant towards me, no matter how lousy i am.. i'm nobody... always making trouble for others.. hahas.... always slow in catching stuff... last to understand jokes... late coming number 1... have such poor grades and is so lazy... i have so many bad points until i dun even know the whole list... haiz...
weixiang is so nice to me todae... after pw meeting at his house todae... (he pon school todae.. hahas... we had to meet him after he played LAN wif jon...) i practised erhu in his room... wif sheila and zhanxin... haiz... din really practise in detail.. played really lousy there... den the three of them were playing dai di.. hahas.. :P in the end.. almost late for lesson... weixiang sent us to the bus stop... and gave me directions to my teacher's house.. but guess wad?
i lost count of the no of busstops to alight at at around the 4th bus stop... only 7 bus stops to alight lehz.. still can lose count.. wah.. sotong jiu shi sotong.. haiz... never mind... i hailed a taxi.. and had a communication breakdown wif the driver.. wanted to go serangoon ave 3, the driver asked me whether i wanted to go serangoon or serangoon north.. but i din understand... hahaz... really cmi ar..
went for lesson... got "scolded" by xls... cos me and sujuan din really practise throughout the week since end of promos.. haiz... feel like crying... cos... i really din wanna be so lousy... wanted to play better... but i myself... oso very lazy.. deserve it ar... haiz...
12 October 2003
WAH~~~~ sundae~~~ :D
wah.. nice sundae morning... it's going to rain.. and so... the weather is really cool.. hahas.. feel like sleeping.. hehes...
i'm aching all over.. hahas.. muz b becoz of playing badminton without any warm up ar.. hahas...
haiz.. still muz mug.. sianded ar... wanna go out and play games.. like bball.. hahas... especially in this cool weather.. it's like calling me out to enjoy myself.. hahas... *juz trying to find excuses to slack.. and dun study for promos.. hahas...*
haiz... still got maths and chem papers coming up... scared tt i cannot make it.... made a lot of bets with so many pple.. if i dun get my two s papers.. i'll really go bankrupt.... hahas....
i'm aching all over.. hahas.. muz b becoz of playing badminton without any warm up ar.. hahas...
haiz.. still muz mug.. sianded ar... wanna go out and play games.. like bball.. hahas... especially in this cool weather.. it's like calling me out to enjoy myself.. hahas... *juz trying to find excuses to slack.. and dun study for promos.. hahas...*
haiz... still got maths and chem papers coming up... scared tt i cannot make it.... made a lot of bets with so many pple.. if i dun get my two s papers.. i'll really go bankrupt.... hahas....
10 October 2003
wO|f's rAiN rOx ~~~~~
hehes...
juz now really sianded ar. went to watch anime again... anime rox.. :D
wolf's rain is a really nice anime.. at least tt's my opinion after i watched the first two episodes... the main character, kiba... seems really cool... i feel that all the characters in the anime have rather complex inner worlds... the part where the wolves could pass off as humans in the human city was rather fascinating to me.. :D ... dun noe how they could manage to do tt... somemore they can even speak our language... wow... hehes... but tt's cos it's an anime, isn't it? hehes... :D
thinking of anime.. my mind drifts to yuki from fruits basket.. hehes... he's so... shuai.. okies larz.. in my opinion... :D :D :D wah~~~~ really trying to save up money like hell so that i can own the entire set of manga... wah~~~~ FRUITS BASKET ROX BIG TIME ~~~~ :D :D :D
hahas.. i guess i'm juz another anime-manga-freak.. hehes... hahas... hope no one minds.. hehes.. :D
hahas... wah.. slack so long liaoz.. better get back to mugging.. hehes.. :D
juz now really sianded ar. went to watch anime again... anime rox.. :D
wolf's rain is a really nice anime.. at least tt's my opinion after i watched the first two episodes... the main character, kiba... seems really cool... i feel that all the characters in the anime have rather complex inner worlds... the part where the wolves could pass off as humans in the human city was rather fascinating to me.. :D ... dun noe how they could manage to do tt... somemore they can even speak our language... wow... hehes... but tt's cos it's an anime, isn't it? hehes... :D
thinking of anime.. my mind drifts to yuki from fruits basket.. hehes... he's so... shuai.. okies larz.. in my opinion... :D :D :D wah~~~~ really trying to save up money like hell so that i can own the entire set of manga... wah~~~~ FRUITS BASKET ROX BIG TIME ~~~~ :D :D :D
hahas.. i guess i'm juz another anime-manga-freak.. hehes... hahas... hope no one minds.. hehes.. :D
hahas... wah.. slack so long liaoz.. better get back to mugging.. hehes.. :D
back from the game.... :D
hahas... played badminton with my brother for abt 1.5 hours juz now... hahas...
now.. my hand can't even hold my pen properly.. it's trembling.. hahas.. but .. at least ... in the beginning when i was playing.. i finally took my mind of things and really enjoyed the game... hahas... it was kinda furnie... i was playing... trying to hit the shuttlecock.. then my shoe came off... so embarrassing... luckily only my brother was there to witness this "embarrassing" moment... hahas...
feeling much more light hearted now... hehes.. :D
wanna mug chem now... especially after tt horrible physics paper.. juz wanna do really well for the upcoming chem paper.... plus.... the F MATHS paper~~~~ wah.... the moment i think about it... i'll..... =_=||| ... haiz.. cannot make it ar... f maths = fail maths for me ar... whether got study or not.. the result would still be the same.. hahas...
wah.. really wanna study my chem lehz.. but my hand still trembling.. hahas. dunno ar.. maybe.. it's juz an excuse for me to slack... ;P
now.. my hand can't even hold my pen properly.. it's trembling.. hahas.. but .. at least ... in the beginning when i was playing.. i finally took my mind of things and really enjoyed the game... hahas... it was kinda furnie... i was playing... trying to hit the shuttlecock.. then my shoe came off... so embarrassing... luckily only my brother was there to witness this "embarrassing" moment... hahas...
feeling much more light hearted now... hehes.. :D
wanna mug chem now... especially after tt horrible physics paper.. juz wanna do really well for the upcoming chem paper.... plus.... the F MATHS paper~~~~ wah.... the moment i think about it... i'll..... =_=||| ... haiz.. cannot make it ar... f maths = fail maths for me ar... whether got study or not.. the result would still be the same.. hahas...
wah.. really wanna study my chem lehz.. but my hand still trembling.. hahas. dunno ar.. maybe.. it's juz an excuse for me to slack... ;P
another day of a zombie.. hehes...
hahas.. another day is half gone....
dunno why... juz cannot da qi jing shen... sianded... really sianded... dunno y....
really miss my ac frienz and ny friends... wanna chat wif them.... wanna play bball... wanna play badminton. anything... juz wanna get moving around.. but.. dun seem to have the mood to do so.... really... sianded....
dunno... juz feel that... maybe... no body can understand... i can't understand myself either.. hahas... loads of stuff i wanna do.... i wanna get my two s papers.. really need it.. but... today... i dun think i did well for my physics paper... haiz...
i dunno how i'm going to survive through all these.... i need a scholarship at the end of next year.... i wanna earn money to help my family overcome the crisis.... i wanna... so many things...
there are so many things on my mind.... even studying cannot take my mind off these things... haiz...
okies ar.. i wanna go play badminton liaoz.. hahas.. gtg....
dunno why... juz cannot da qi jing shen... sianded... really sianded... dunno y....
really miss my ac frienz and ny friends... wanna chat wif them.... wanna play bball... wanna play badminton. anything... juz wanna get moving around.. but.. dun seem to have the mood to do so.... really... sianded....
dunno... juz feel that... maybe... no body can understand... i can't understand myself either.. hahas... loads of stuff i wanna do.... i wanna get my two s papers.. really need it.. but... today... i dun think i did well for my physics paper... haiz...
i dunno how i'm going to survive through all these.... i need a scholarship at the end of next year.... i wanna earn money to help my family overcome the crisis.... i wanna... so many things...
there are so many things on my mind.... even studying cannot take my mind off these things... haiz...
okies ar.. i wanna go play badminton liaoz.. hahas.. gtg....
08 October 2003
hehes.. first try.. hahas..
hahas... first time using my new blog.. kinda furnie... was chatting wif nico juz now... telling him tt he should get his own blog so that he can vent his suppressed emotions in that tiny space online... hahas.. now i suppose it's my turn... to create my own blog. hahas.. :P
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