i had been reading through my old opendiary entries... because they were on the verge of being deleted... lolz~ i laughed at the language i used last time... how i used to exclaim over things like my 2.4 run... and how i used to "idolise" junkai... *not to say i dun idolise him now... hehex* memories... happy memories when i was still active in co... when i was struggling with handing up tutorials in jc... my struggles with chem... and not forgetting mr rudy lee... lolz~

and of course, not forgetting those entries full of sorrow... just because i could not let go of some things in life... history repeats itself, only to worsen the problem. if only i had been able to forget easily, things would not have reached such a state...





on a side note, i'm supposed to be sitting in macs now doing my lab report... omg i have already spent 2 days on it and it's still not finished! wth am i doing man... -_- i wish i have a little more time, i wish my sore throat will go away... so that i can go for the 2-7 ktv tml wif wx n sc! god! pls drop some wonder medicine for it to cure my running nose and restore my voice! *starts murmuring some strange incantation*....

oh well.... plz! weiqing pls respond to my msn n sms! we can't go macs to do our project!!! argh. stupid me ranting here where he wun even hear or see... -_-''' sighz... i guess i'm just procrastinating once again...

someday i'll post something of better substance here k? it's a promise... lolz~

为什么到现在还会有心痛的感觉？

argh. i want rest, peace, and silence. and maybe for god to drop 1 extra week for me to relax and catch up on work.

i'm tireds... i napped half of my afternoon away but still i am tireds...

and there's a lot of things to be done... like to study for quantum physics quiz on mon, jap quiz on thurs... and i am here procrastinating...

there should be no time left to be thinking about strange things... like the stupid horror point-click-game which i challenged my tutorial mates to playing yesterday at around 3+am in the morning... in the end me and shing yeong were the only ones scared outta our wits, while yong quan was making funny commentary... shian chi and nicolas like not scared at all -_-

sighz...

yesterday i wrecked havoc after volleyball training... haha i felt so lousy among those pple there... their spike was so qiang! and when playing the game, they like know how to hit to those pple, form strategies and stuff...

makes me think about a lot of things... like the really graceful movements of volleyball players... i wish i could be half as graceful...

after that, went for supper wif shian chi shing yeong yong quan nicolas... then stayed over at sc's room again... LOL... i can become their legal squatter liao... talked to sc... then bathed and went to yq and nicolas' room to play mahjong... *and i was the crazy za boh who suggested it... -_-'''* then scared myself by challenging them to play the scary game.. -_-''' and then later when everybody buay tahan go back room to zZz i was the only one who couldn't go to sleep... -_-'''

sighz...

i hope i wasn't disturbing anyone last night... or these times... memories go hay-wire at times of stress and when u're tireds...

no need to put on all those pretence... it wouldn't make me feel better... it shouldn't even matter by now... i knew it in the bottom of my heart right at the beginning...

yet somehow, i'm going through everything once again... relieving those moments once again... moments of happiness and bliss, yet, moments of tears and sorrow...

it shouldn't be as painful for u by now... in fact it shouldn't bother you... or so i hope...

time to move on, stop pretending you're sad... cos you aren't.

i'm not sad. neither should u.













i wish i am like a toilet bowl... so that i can flush all the crap in my life into the drain...

i miss co...

i miss the times i could "interact" with my erhu and enjoy the music created by the whole group...

i miss hearing the different sounds coming from all the different instruments...

i miss discussing which kind of song xiang is better and the differences between shanghai gong and beijing gong *omg i almost forgot the names of these things!*





i miss the times i could play volleyball with a big group of people who enjoys the game as i do...

i miss the times when i mug with those who wanted to achieve better results like i did...

i miss the times playing, relaxing, wrecking havoc and not caring about how others look at you...





i miss my self motivation to work hard...

i miss my bed... i miss my rest...

i miss slacking half a day away just in front of the computer, watching anime or what nots...

i miss the times when i didn't have to rush through things...

i miss the times when i could finish my tutorials on time...













i wish things didn't have to be so complicated...

i wish i wasn't so complicated...

i wish there were no exams...

i wish that things in life were easier...













but of course, reality likes to play devil's advocate.














today... or rather, these 2 days was rather hectic for me... yesterday after lab i went to stay over at shianchi's room... supposed to mug.. ended up talking to pansy half the time... from 4+ to 9pm i did like less than 1 tutorial? lolz~ love counselling as angela and yvonne puts it... lol...

we both came to the conclusion that love brings one happiness, but in exchange for that one moment of happiness u'll have to suffer 10 million times of sorrow... which was quite furnies for pansy to agree with me... but oh well i guess the two of us were being super pessimistic then...

then continued mugging... finished 1.5 maths tutorials *they were darn hard i tell u -_- had to refer to solutions most of the time* before i realised it's around 2am in the morning and i need to sleep...

turns out, i couldn't sleep peacefully at all... no idea why... probably because i wasn't used to the mattress or the fans n stuff... then in the end i woke up super early, went to the lt and slept through all 3 of my lectures -_-... even had to bring in tea for maths quiz which i stupidly forgot to study yesterday... -_- but heng anyhow whack oso get answer... lolz~ muz thank kee sing for lending me his notes during physics lecture sia... LOL... and thank god for "protecting" me for this quiz... wahahaha~

next up... tml i'm supposed to have finished computing tutorial, plus jap homework, plus study 90 jap vocab to prepare for the jap quiz next week... and...

i got a ride home from weilun whom i only got to know today! i think it's the car syndrome... last time when ching gave me a ride i was so excited to sit on his car... today was no exception... -_-''' wth is wrong with me? it's only a damn car... my dad has a car too? -_-

anyway it's quite hilarious... weilun and his friend... one bike one car... originally the bike infront of the car, then all of a sudden the bike made a turn into one of the smaller roads, then weilun driving the car decided to ignore his friend's crazy move *cos dunno his friend turn to where* and then went off, while his friend smiled cheekly behind weilun's car.... -_-''' and the sun doll on his car is so cute! LOL... juz cos i had the same sun doll keychain as he has -_- wth... qy qy stop eyeing other pple's accessories lar -_-

and we saw a rainbow on our way home... it's so surprising... come to think of it it's been a long time since i saw a rainbow... reminds me of the song "somewhere over the rainbow"... but of course thing's aren't as easy as the song puts it... so get back to reality...

god! i need more time and more rest!

14th feb coming soon... let there be love in the air...

yes! 14th of feburary is just around the corner... so, let there be love in the air *around this entry, i mean...*

speaking about this, a lot of things were running through my mind for the past few weeks... months maybe... so many things i wanted to talk about, like how incredibly busy i am until my friends like pansy complain she always cannot find me *wahaha...* yeah, so sorry, no time for love as well...

but here i am talking about love... let's see... just wanted to post two songs on this entry today... a song which i used to love when i was in secondary school... and another that was playing on the radio quite frequently these days...














Once Upon A December

Dancing bears,
Painted wings,
Things I almost remember,
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December.

Someone holds me safe and warm.
Horses prance through a silver storm.
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory...

Far away, long ago,
Glowing dim as an ember,
Things my heart
Used to know,
Things it yearns to remember...

And a song
Someone sings
Once upon a December



that december
is when everything started
and three months
of joy and tears
that night sealed our fate
and our hearts as well




been thinking about the forgotten memory lost in my mind for quite a while... at first it was indifference, then a tinge of happiness, then heartache. i wonder how much more it would last.

the memory i was searching for was not the memory of loving someone, but the memory of being in love with love... the sweet aspects of love, the lovey dovey sweet honey feeling, the one that makes u feel warm inside; the comforting hugs from those who cared; the happiness when someone u like is nice and sweet towards u; the joy knowing that someone accepts u for who u are as a person, an individual, a soul.

yet i actually forgot the bitterness in this candy that tricks innocent n foolish humans from getting themselves hurt over and over again. the endless nights spent crying over spilt milk; over people whom u thought they cared but apparently otherwise; the sourness when seeing someone u have a crush on was closer n nicer to someone else; the cruel words n actions the one u cared most did to u.

people are willing to suffer years of such pain for just one moment of that sweet tenderness from the one they cared.

and i think, why they are so foolish.

and i see those people around me, guys who try to flirt with girls whom they barely know in search of "love". i don't know whether to laugh at their attempts or to applaud them for their... open-ness of being so daring to accept those whose personality was not totally known to them. or perhaps, it's my view of "love" being different from theirs. perhaps i was looking for pure love so pure that it is non-existant in this reality.

and i don't know whether to laugh or not when my girlfriend shian chi tells me that her relatives were so willing to introduce her any guy along the street just because she is still single and available. my stand on love still holds -- 真爱是值得期待的。
but i guess it would never reach my turn to be in love again.
and so, i've thought of the perfect gift for myself on valentine's day... hehex... it shall be... a ring for my left hand... symbolising independence for women of this society... XD my nunnery rawks... XD

and now onto the second song...












我会好好的
王心凌

我会好好的
花还香香的
时间一直去
回忆真美丽

我是想着你
一直想着你
你在我心底
变成了秘密

不要说你爱我 你想我
如果你的心里没有这么做
只是勉强的敷衍我
我知道了会很难受

我要你默默走 不回头
我会清楚明白你要的是什么
无须勉强的安慰我
说奇怪的理由

到现在还是深深的 深深的 爱着你
是爱情的友情的都可以
那是我心中的幸福
我知道它苦苦的

要给你远方的祝福
我知道它苦苦的






我发现，我到现在还是深深的爱着你。
不过你放心，我不会给你添任何麻烦，
我只想要从远处望着你，看着你幸福。





and now... an update on my... boring and busy life... cny! first day of cny i fell sick and couldn't eat as much as i wanted... spent the rest of my new year sleeping away, playing game, and occassionally went out to 拜年... but in the end only 4 红包... 2 from my parents 2 from my grandparents... on wed went to see doctor, not for my flu or cough, but for my ingrown nail... had a mini surgery which scared the hell outta me... cos... had to take a jab that was super painful to numb my swollen toe... -_- and now my big toe is all bandaged like some balaku... *dunno how to spell lar... -_-* and i'm totally lagging in tutorials, the holidays were of no help to me in catching up on academic stuff...

upcoming, tml is tuition day, sunday is tuition day, monday school until 7... jap lesson again... makes me stress cos i think i'm not lagging in the homework but the things that we learnt each lesson... each lesson now leaves me more and more blur... cos my mind cannot remember the things that was taught during each lesson... and no time to revise every time after the lesson. tuesday is volleyball day XD... until 9pm... wed is lab day... slack day... then mug homework time... thurs is jap day again, fri is makeup day wif jap and volleyball again... sighz... sat is tuition day again, sun is tuition day again... and the cycle repeats itself...

ok i think that's enough to bore readers off... so tata~ and hope everyone out there had gotten loads of income from this festival... =)

i need rest and a nice tan...