I didn't realize that the meaning of the lyrics behind this song was that meaningful... Now that I finally understood what it was trying to say, i feel in love with this song immediately...
手紙 ～拝啓 十五の君へ～
アンジェラ・アキ
拝啓 この手紙 呼んでいるあなたは
どこで何をしているのだろう
十五の僕には 誰にも話せない
悩みの種があるのです
未来の自分に宛てて書く手紙なら
きっと素直に打ち明けられるだろう
今 負けそうで 泣きそうで
消えてしまいそうな僕は
誰の言葉を信じ歩けばいいの
ひとつしかない この胸が
なんどもバラバラに割れて
苦しい中で 今を生きている
今を生きている
拝啓 ありがとう 十五のあなたに
伝えたいことがあるのです
自分とはなにで どこへ向かうべきか
問い続ければ見えてくる
荒れた青春の 海はきびしいけれど
明日の岸辺へと 夢の船よ進め
今 負けないで 泣かないで
消えてしまいそうな時は
自分の声を信じ歩けばいいの
大人の僕も
傷ついて眠れない夜はあるけど
苦くて甘い 今を生きている
人生のすべてに意味があるから Woh Woh
恐れずにあなたの夢を育てて
LaLaLa LaLaLa LaLaLa Keep on believing
LaLaLa LaLaLa LaLaLa Keep on believing
Keep on believing
Keep on believing
負けそうで 泣きそうで
消えてしまいそうな僕は
誰の言葉を信じ歩いていけばいいの Ah Ah
負けないで 泣かないで
消えてしまいそうな時は
自分の声を 信じ歩けばいいの
いつの時代も
悲しみを避けては通れないけど
笑顔を見せて
今を生きていこう 今を生きていこう
拝啓 この手紙 呼んでいるあなたが
幸せなことを願います．．．
02 June 2009
i guess it really takes great courage for creativity and innovation to be expressed. or even by being different. that's the thought i had while i was browsing through the verner panton exhibition at the national museum of singapore.
ok i must admit it's a rare thing for me to suggest a trip down to the museum... i guess the tv show introducing the exhibits available at our museums did give me an idea... you might think... what? only geeks go to the museum! but no no no... if u're a student and your school would most likely have subscribed to the corporate membership of museums, you actually can visit some of the exhibits at museums for free! what a great way for a cheap date (opps!) or just to kill time, and to broaden your horizons at the same time! but of course, it's best if you're down there with a curious mind...
it was a pity that i forgot my camera for this trip... but to compensate, i'll find some photos online to elaborate on what i'll have to say! :D wonders of the internet hees~
ok first things first, verner panton (not vernier as in the vernier calipers u lab freak) is a designer and architect from denmark (1926 - 1998)... some of his really famous designs includes the panton chair as shown below...
well, the first thing that came to mind when i saw the exhibits was... what? wad's so interesting about this guy? i mean, this chair just looks like the ones i see in ikea! but but but... hold ur horses! this guy actually designed this very modern looking chair in 1967! that's like... 40 years ago! and at that period of time, people stick to conventional wooden chairs... verner panton actually dared to experiment with various materials such as plastic in the panton chair, as well as steel in various designs such as the bachelor chair below, which once again may seem like a normal chair we can find at ikea... but keep in mind, the bachelor chair was designed by verner panton in 1955...
... and verner panton actually dared to experiment with colours... he was also a textile designer who tries to incorporate basic shapes in his designs... his designs actually remind me of the symmetry homework i had in primary school! so i was really amazed that he actually became famous for thinking of how to arrange simple geometric or organic shapes into designs! this design below is made up of organic shape that resembles the cross section of an onion...
my favourite item of the exhibit is the heart shaped cone chair designed in 1959... it is amazing how he could support the weight of a person with the design of an inverted cone shaped chair... and the heart shape he incorporated at the top makes it even more special... i wonder if he designed this for his gf then... hees! presenting below... the heart shaped cone chair!!!
all these amazing works did not appear just in a day or two, or even within weeks or months. he had to go through a lot of experimenting, and he definitely did not succeed overnight. just for the panton chair, he had to go through all the different kinds of materials available before he settled for plastic, which was totally unconventional at that point in time... and even so, there is probably no way for him to spring this innovative idea all by his own... his ideas actually sparked off from others before him, and even from other industries perhaps... his designs emphasize on modularity and systematic designs, which is a concept well-known to engineers like me... and he incorporated these ideas into his designs, which others proclaim him to be a really creative and innovative designer...
thus, to be "creative", we don't really have to start from scratch... if we broaden our horizons, and then incorporate ideas from other areas into the field we are working on, that would become a source of creativity. this sounds a little like blue ocean strategy isn't it, it's like a formula for innovation! but of course this is just one of the possible ways to spark creativity perhaps...
the next problem to consider probably, would be whether one is daring enough to put his creative ideas into actions. verner panton might actually be one of the few lucky ones who made it big with his novel ideas... there might be others out there who did think of things out of the box, but remained relatively unknown and have yet to be acknowledged. and i bet people's initial response to such fresh ideas might not have been very positive... so how did creative and innovative people such as verner panton actually find the drive to keep doing things that are different?
passion perhaps? or was it their stubborness to try something that's relatively different? or it was their desire to spread their ideas to others around them? or could it even be something as absurb (to me at least) as to fulfilling their dream of changing (even a small part of) the world???
i suppose, a vital portion to their actions would be courage. the courage to be different. the courage to persist despite negative reactions to their works.
i really wonder. in facing with my quarter life crisis (opps i'm quoting you zhida) will i have the courage to persist? in a path that's so much different from what others trek down... and in a path where i might face prejudice... do i really have to do this? i might be much better off if i take the common path to become a conventional engineer (oh so boring)... why must i do something radically different from others? and what if the path i have in mind turns out to be unsuitable for me? there is just so much uncertainty that i am so hesitant to make my decision...
i was kinda fearless initially when i applied for a job in the gaming industry... and i was quite confident of getting it... like... 66%? haha! then in the end i guess i kamikazed myself because i just had to voice my opinion during the final interview (which wasn't necessary in the first place... but oh well... haha~)
well... failure was not supposed to demoralize me -that- much. but some of the questions posted to me during my interviews did start me thinking... like how the gaming industry is male-dominant... this means there are few girls, and i would be very likely to have differing opinions from the majority in project teams... and this industry might not be that... sympathetic to female related issues, such as settling down and establishing a family... i mean, this industry most likely requires a lot of OT on a pretty regular basis... if i were to have my own family, the time i have for them would be minimal... which is something i'm unwilling to compromise at this point in time.
and... as i tried to apply for the game designer position... when i was asked whether i had written any stories recently, i replied honestly that i didn't. but i do blog (though not so much on a regular basis during my final year in school...) which i didn't really mention in the end... i guess my blog entries do flow pretty well... erms... right? haha! but i did start to doubt whether i'm good at story telling... i'm such a NEET and i can't really communicate verbally that well... i guess i'm a little better at writing...? haha~ i'm not -that- bad right? it doesn't mean that if i haven't written stories, or even told stories verbally, that i'm not good at them, isn't it? =X
and since i didn't get the job i had tried so hard for, i started making backup plans... which involve me taking a one year diploma course in game programming... when i went to submit my application form, the company providing the course seemed... dubious. and that's when i really became doubtful about my choice of taking the course. i mean... with all these challenges i foresee, is it really worth it for me to go all out of the way, just to achieve something i find... interesting? i mean, i can go on with my life with a normal (read. boring~) software engineer job and have a much higher paying job with my ideal 5 day work week... why should i take the tougher path??? why should i try to be different?
this brings me to other points about my life which i have just set them aside and not done much pondering yet. the idea of working hard for a certain goal. we work hard on something because we feel that the end result is something worthwhile right? what if... the end result we foresee has no value? would you still work hard on it? or would you just sit back and just let it go auto pilot (as in just... not do much for it)?
this was the issue i had with my fyp for the past year. i knew, no matter how hard i work on my final year project, my results would neither go up nor down. so... should i put in all my energy on this project? or just let it slide?
my decision was to just take it easy. i mean... why bother when there is no change in the end result? to me that's the same as having no value in working hard.
when my mum found out i got a b+ for my fyp(which isn't that bad, though we knew i could do much better than that) she asked me what happened, so i voiced out my thoughts. i regretted later as i could tell she was really sad that i had totally no motivation for the project which was already over by now. and i felt sad because i knew what i said had hurt her. i mean, i was so self-motivated in the past, what happened to me man.
and ever since the end of school... i have been like a couch potato ever since... never contributing to the society (by working), just eating sleeping playing game and repeat the above cycle... i'm just like a worthless bum... (opps that sounds really harsh) i mean i enjoy this kind of hikikomori life once in a while, but for me to have persisted for a month was really... omg for my mum. so when i told her that if i don't see any value in working for something, then i wouldn't do it... my mum said... there's like no value in taking care of me cos i'm like a pig these days and totally not contributing to the family or society, then why should she do it?
hmmmmms good question... hees... cos of responsibility? nahh? hmmms i wonder...
i probably can't find a satisfactory answer to this question...
i guess... we should work hard first, when we see value in the end result of our efforts. even when hard work seems not to be worthwhile, we'll slog for it because of responsibility. or the will to self-improve. ahh. all the philosophy. i'm a little skeptical about this though i'm the one who said it... it's a little like bullshit to me now... haha.
ok, assuming that what i've suggested above is true... what if... we really can't find the above mentioned 3 reasons to work hard? would we still give up in the end? should we? hmmmms... more food for thought.
ok putting that issue aside... back to the career path quarter life crisis... after the museum exhibit, i guess i found a little courage there... well, i'm not the only female that's dreams to work in the gaming industry... it will definitely be hard... but look at all those people before me! there had been people who were the firsts in doing a particular thing... like the first in coming up with a certain design, or the first to participate in a certain kind of event... verner panton is one of the many out there... and... i had a glimpse of the first and only female that participates in bull-fighting from a tv show advertisement... and that's also a male dominated field... if she can do it, why can't i?
nothing's easy... and if i can identify a goal for me to work towards, and if i were to focus on that single goal, i can succeed. though there would be many challenges along the way, but wouldn't it be more fun that way? and isn't it worthwhile to attempt to fulfill a dream while i am still young? i don't wanna regret after most of my life had gone by for not having the courage to dream while i was young...
and... i've played games all my life. i would really really like to work on something that would bring joy to others, just like how it had brought joy and entertainment to me... unlike working on some corporate telecommunications project, which i can't really feel the direct impact of my work on the public... (oh no, i'm not condemning these kind of jobs, really. it's just... not my cup of tea perhaps?)
so i guess... i'm all set! i just need to pack my passion, feelings, and a little bit of courage into my backpack (and hopefully a torchlight... anyone out there know any torchlights out there? haha) and... i'll be off for my adventure of my lifetime!!! omg. don't i sound a little like luffy out on an adventure? lolx~ thank you verner panton and the mysterious female bull fighter out there! =)
and thanks kt, sheila, wendy and kelvin for helping me convince myself and passing some of ur positivity to me =) i needed that! ^^
ok i must admit it's a rare thing for me to suggest a trip down to the museum... i guess the tv show introducing the exhibits available at our museums did give me an idea... you might think... what? only geeks go to the museum! but no no no... if u're a student and your school would most likely have subscribed to the corporate membership of museums, you actually can visit some of the exhibits at museums for free! what a great way for a cheap date (opps!) or just to kill time, and to broaden your horizons at the same time! but of course, it's best if you're down there with a curious mind...
it was a pity that i forgot my camera for this trip... but to compensate, i'll find some photos online to elaborate on what i'll have to say! :D wonders of the internet hees~
ok first things first, verner panton (not vernier as in the vernier calipers u lab freak) is a designer and architect from denmark (1926 - 1998)... some of his really famous designs includes the panton chair as shown below...
well, the first thing that came to mind when i saw the exhibits was... what? wad's so interesting about this guy? i mean, this chair just looks like the ones i see in ikea! but but but... hold ur horses! this guy actually designed this very modern looking chair in 1967! that's like... 40 years ago! and at that period of time, people stick to conventional wooden chairs... verner panton actually dared to experiment with various materials such as plastic in the panton chair, as well as steel in various designs such as the bachelor chair below, which once again may seem like a normal chair we can find at ikea... but keep in mind, the bachelor chair was designed by verner panton in 1955...
... and verner panton actually dared to experiment with colours... he was also a textile designer who tries to incorporate basic shapes in his designs... his designs actually remind me of the symmetry homework i had in primary school! so i was really amazed that he actually became famous for thinking of how to arrange simple geometric or organic shapes into designs! this design below is made up of organic shape that resembles the cross section of an onion...
my favourite item of the exhibit is the heart shaped cone chair designed in 1959... it is amazing how he could support the weight of a person with the design of an inverted cone shaped chair... and the heart shape he incorporated at the top makes it even more special... i wonder if he designed this for his gf then... hees! presenting below... the heart shaped cone chair!!!
all these amazing works did not appear just in a day or two, or even within weeks or months. he had to go through a lot of experimenting, and he definitely did not succeed overnight. just for the panton chair, he had to go through all the different kinds of materials available before he settled for plastic, which was totally unconventional at that point in time... and even so, there is probably no way for him to spring this innovative idea all by his own... his ideas actually sparked off from others before him, and even from other industries perhaps... his designs emphasize on modularity and systematic designs, which is a concept well-known to engineers like me... and he incorporated these ideas into his designs, which others proclaim him to be a really creative and innovative designer...
thus, to be "creative", we don't really have to start from scratch... if we broaden our horizons, and then incorporate ideas from other areas into the field we are working on, that would become a source of creativity. this sounds a little like blue ocean strategy isn't it, it's like a formula for innovation! but of course this is just one of the possible ways to spark creativity perhaps...
the next problem to consider probably, would be whether one is daring enough to put his creative ideas into actions. verner panton might actually be one of the few lucky ones who made it big with his novel ideas... there might be others out there who did think of things out of the box, but remained relatively unknown and have yet to be acknowledged. and i bet people's initial response to such fresh ideas might not have been very positive... so how did creative and innovative people such as verner panton actually find the drive to keep doing things that are different?
passion perhaps? or was it their stubborness to try something that's relatively different? or it was their desire to spread their ideas to others around them? or could it even be something as absurb (to me at least) as to fulfilling their dream of changing (even a small part of) the world???
i suppose, a vital portion to their actions would be courage. the courage to be different. the courage to persist despite negative reactions to their works.
i really wonder. in facing with my quarter life crisis (opps i'm quoting you zhida) will i have the courage to persist? in a path that's so much different from what others trek down... and in a path where i might face prejudice... do i really have to do this? i might be much better off if i take the common path to become a conventional engineer (oh so boring)... why must i do something radically different from others? and what if the path i have in mind turns out to be unsuitable for me? there is just so much uncertainty that i am so hesitant to make my decision...
i was kinda fearless initially when i applied for a job in the gaming industry... and i was quite confident of getting it... like... 66%? haha! then in the end i guess i kamikazed myself because i just had to voice my opinion during the final interview (which wasn't necessary in the first place... but oh well... haha~)
well... failure was not supposed to demoralize me -that- much. but some of the questions posted to me during my interviews did start me thinking... like how the gaming industry is male-dominant... this means there are few girls, and i would be very likely to have differing opinions from the majority in project teams... and this industry might not be that... sympathetic to female related issues, such as settling down and establishing a family... i mean, this industry most likely requires a lot of OT on a pretty regular basis... if i were to have my own family, the time i have for them would be minimal... which is something i'm unwilling to compromise at this point in time.
and... as i tried to apply for the game designer position... when i was asked whether i had written any stories recently, i replied honestly that i didn't. but i do blog (though not so much on a regular basis during my final year in school...) which i didn't really mention in the end... i guess my blog entries do flow pretty well... erms... right? haha! but i did start to doubt whether i'm good at story telling... i'm such a NEET and i can't really communicate verbally that well... i guess i'm a little better at writing...? haha~ i'm not -that- bad right? it doesn't mean that if i haven't written stories, or even told stories verbally, that i'm not good at them, isn't it? =X
and since i didn't get the job i had tried so hard for, i started making backup plans... which involve me taking a one year diploma course in game programming... when i went to submit my application form, the company providing the course seemed... dubious. and that's when i really became doubtful about my choice of taking the course. i mean... with all these challenges i foresee, is it really worth it for me to go all out of the way, just to achieve something i find... interesting? i mean, i can go on with my life with a normal (read. boring~) software engineer job and have a much higher paying job with my ideal 5 day work week... why should i take the tougher path??? why should i try to be different?
this brings me to other points about my life which i have just set them aside and not done much pondering yet. the idea of working hard for a certain goal. we work hard on something because we feel that the end result is something worthwhile right? what if... the end result we foresee has no value? would you still work hard on it? or would you just sit back and just let it go auto pilot (as in just... not do much for it)?
this was the issue i had with my fyp for the past year. i knew, no matter how hard i work on my final year project, my results would neither go up nor down. so... should i put in all my energy on this project? or just let it slide?
my decision was to just take it easy. i mean... why bother when there is no change in the end result? to me that's the same as having no value in working hard.
when my mum found out i got a b+ for my fyp(which isn't that bad, though we knew i could do much better than that) she asked me what happened, so i voiced out my thoughts. i regretted later as i could tell she was really sad that i had totally no motivation for the project which was already over by now. and i felt sad because i knew what i said had hurt her. i mean, i was so self-motivated in the past, what happened to me man.
and ever since the end of school... i have been like a couch potato ever since... never contributing to the society (by working), just eating sleeping playing game and repeat the above cycle... i'm just like a worthless bum... (opps that sounds really harsh) i mean i enjoy this kind of hikikomori life once in a while, but for me to have persisted for a month was really... omg for my mum. so when i told her that if i don't see any value in working for something, then i wouldn't do it... my mum said... there's like no value in taking care of me cos i'm like a pig these days and totally not contributing to the family or society, then why should she do it?
hmmmmms good question... hees... cos of responsibility? nahh? hmmms i wonder...
i probably can't find a satisfactory answer to this question...
i guess... we should work hard first, when we see value in the end result of our efforts. even when hard work seems not to be worthwhile, we'll slog for it because of responsibility. or the will to self-improve. ahh. all the philosophy. i'm a little skeptical about this though i'm the one who said it... it's a little like bullshit to me now... haha.
ok, assuming that what i've suggested above is true... what if... we really can't find the above mentioned 3 reasons to work hard? would we still give up in the end? should we? hmmmms... more food for thought.
ok putting that issue aside... back to the career path quarter life crisis... after the museum exhibit, i guess i found a little courage there... well, i'm not the only female that's dreams to work in the gaming industry... it will definitely be hard... but look at all those people before me! there had been people who were the firsts in doing a particular thing... like the first in coming up with a certain design, or the first to participate in a certain kind of event... verner panton is one of the many out there... and... i had a glimpse of the first and only female that participates in bull-fighting from a tv show advertisement... and that's also a male dominated field... if she can do it, why can't i?
nothing's easy... and if i can identify a goal for me to work towards, and if i were to focus on that single goal, i can succeed. though there would be many challenges along the way, but wouldn't it be more fun that way? and isn't it worthwhile to attempt to fulfill a dream while i am still young? i don't wanna regret after most of my life had gone by for not having the courage to dream while i was young...
and... i've played games all my life. i would really really like to work on something that would bring joy to others, just like how it had brought joy and entertainment to me... unlike working on some corporate telecommunications project, which i can't really feel the direct impact of my work on the public... (oh no, i'm not condemning these kind of jobs, really. it's just... not my cup of tea perhaps?)
so i guess... i'm all set! i just need to pack my passion, feelings, and a little bit of courage into my backpack (and hopefully a torchlight... anyone out there know any torchlights out there? haha) and... i'll be off for my adventure of my lifetime!!! omg. don't i sound a little like luffy out on an adventure? lolx~ thank you verner panton and the mysterious female bull fighter out there! =)
and thanks kt, sheila, wendy and kelvin for helping me convince myself and passing some of ur positivity to me =) i needed that! ^^
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