it's been a long time since i last posted something here on this blog... so many things i wanna talk about since the previous entry... but i guess i'm running out of time...
i've been thinking of relocating my blog several times... juz that... i particularly like this ip LOL... no lar... juz that... maybe there's no point relocating my blog when the whole point of having a blog online is so that some pple can view ur thoughts... and if i really wanted it to be that personal i'll write on a diary... which then reminded me about loads of things which i dun really wanna think about now...
juz lesser than a month into the new year... and i've already broken quite a few resolutions... for eg, my 50 by may... -_-''' my tutorial mates edwin jong chien nicolas kept complaining that i'm eating macdonalds everyday *which is true to a certain extent =X* and so... yeap i think that resolution i made... i probably can't keep it by may LOL! and... sadly to say... i already broke my second resolution not to be late again.... like... on the first week of jan i overslept and was late for a class outing for half an hour! *not that everybody was there by the time i reached... lolz~* still it didn't feel good that i broke my resolution so easily and so quickly... -_-
update on my school life... i'm so busy until i don't even have enuff time to do homework, go out, have fun, and to sleep! most of my school days end at 7++ and the rest of the days i don't end so late i've got tuition... and my sunday is fully booked as well... which left me wif sat to catch up on sleep n tutorials... that's seriously not enuff! by the time i reach home everyday i'm so tired until i can't even think properly... and the dreaded thing is the coming cny holidays! cos of the stupid holidays my schedule is even more packed after the hols for makeup lessons... which made my sat booked as well! haiz... this is the first time i rather not have holidays...
and that brings me to another thing... when i'm tired i start to see things which are no longer there.... i don't know how i'm supposed to feel but these memories kept popping up now and then... though i'm crystal clear that it's all over... strangely i don't feel that sad, neither do i try to suppress these memories and not acknowledge them as i would have done in the past... rather, i let them come and pass... as though i'm indifferent to it already... i wonder what this means...
yet wif such a busy schedule i'm not complaining about it... neither do i wish that i could drop some of my modules so that i have more time... it's contradicting...
i feel like i'm bombarded with a lot of things these days... like my module which allows me to watch some old and good movies... and the things the people i meet... i've come to realise a lot of things... but i'm still sticking to my old philosophy about people... u can never trust people.
some things i wanna do.... would be... to have more sleep... to get rid of that stupid mosquito preying on my blood now... to try curb my hunger... to watch movies like memoirs of the geisha... have time to finish my tutorials on time... practise my jap... to go out n shop.... and to eat some bagua... haiz~
07 January 2006
late in the middle of the night again. i wonder y i'm still awake at this hour despite being so tireds like.. 5 hours ago? i remembered i totally konk out on the bus on my way home from orchard... actually i had no idea y i was there, i wasn't even eager to go shopping at all wif sc, pansy xiaoli n yixin... but in the end i went... i wonder y... probably cos i was trying to fit in... and in the end i realised that... nah, no point... if u dun u never will. some things cannot be forced.
arr... yes, back to the middle of the night... i ponder about things happening around me... apparently i've caught the homework/schooling blues... only 4th day of school reopening and i'm already starting to feel down. stress perhaps? like jap course... 1st week got lesson liao, next lesson on mon the sensei is going to give us a dictation/spelling test already -_- geez i really can't stop my pace at all, to even slack the slightest bit. and this is only week 1, where i only have lectures no tutorials... i can't imagine the upcoming weeks... perhaps this is the real school reopening blues...
once again i'm reminded of fruits basket. though i've stopped reading that manga for a long time, certain themes running through the series now is starting to appear in my real life... of course lar wad am i talking, these plots n themes are written based on real life scenarios, of course will happen to pple in real life... =_= but somehow i never thought i would have to face it again -_- oh well, life is like a sine curve... things like to go up and down... like a roller coaster =)
i've stopped thinking that much since i entered jc, especially hcjc... strange isn't it. it was a foolish attempt to stop myself from feeling all kinds of emotions... like nostalgic... sadness... making myself confused cos i can't reach a conclusion... things like that... and so i stopped thinking about a lot of things in my life which i should have paid attention to. like how i treat people around me, what are my core values, which are the things i should define as boundaries... and how to judge when my core values n morals clash, which one should be in higher priority. somehow all these sounds like some alogarithm to solve some problem in computing. -_- i think i'm studying so much until i 走火入魔... lolz~
so yeap, tonite i'm back to thinking about who i had been before i entered jc... i wasn't so easily depressed before... i remembered myself as someone more cheerful, someone who thought of logic over emotions... that's almost a direct contrast to me now... this brings to mind my conversation wif the girls at "dinner" today... the way u clasp both of ur hands together shows whether u're more emotional or more of a logic person... if u clasp ur left hand over ur right hand and find it most comfortable as compared to the other way round, u're more emotional, and vice versa... and i happened to be the "emotional" type... so who is the true me now? i guess if i ask this question to anyone along the streets no one can give u a definite answer that will remain unchanged as times pass by. we probably can't even find the answer when we step into our graves... that's life, it's a journey where we search for answers to our questions...
other things include, whether some of the decisions i made are the "best" for situation... taking a situation from the drama i watched yesterday, female A and female B both loved male A who died in a car crash, and female B was the third party with male A's child in her stomach... female A was upset that male A had another woman outside, but before male A died from the accident, he told her to take care of female B n the baby... and female B happened to be in need of money and hence threatened male A's mum and female A that she'll abort the baby unless they give her a huge sum of money... male A's mum then proceed to attempt to borrow $$$ from female A *but of course who'll be stupid to help her love rival?* so female A called up her friend for advice... friend says, dun give female B money, she'll come back for more... but female A thought abt male A's dying wish and in the end gave female B money and even let the homeless female B move into her house so that she can take care of female B n bring female B to pre natal checks *cos female A's a doctor* and of course female B took advantage of female A's kindness... and the rest of the plot... i dunno yet... lolz~
so... the solution female A took in the end... it's not the "best" solution in my opinion, cos of course B will take advantage of her soft-heartedness... but if u chose not to give her money, and she really went to abort the baby, then how? although in the show, B didn't really want to abort the baby... but in real life, in other similar situations... the outcomes of these two possible solutions are totally different... are u able to handle the individual outcomes? when u made one decision, u think about what if u had done something else? would it make things better?
then again, someone questioned me... if u make a decision cos u don't want anything to happen in the future... that's being unfair cos u're not even sure whether that thing will happen in the future. my argument to that would be... it's better to prevent... though at the cost of the current outcome... but in the long run it would probably be better... so it then boils down to whether u want the current situation to be better over than in the long run or not. so, if u're placed in that situation, what would u prefer? to have pain in the present and be happy in the future? or be happy now and suffer later?
and... sometimes u simply feel helpless as u cannot help others... as the 9pm drama from today says... "if u don't open up, no one can help u"... so... even as friends who care, if u insist u dun wanna open up no one can force open ur heart n to help u... -_-
oh yes... yu chun if u saw this post before i contact u... i'm sorry... i need a favour from u... there's something i need to sort out... lolz~
that's all for now... brain coming to stand still... cannot think... geez... =X
arr... yes, back to the middle of the night... i ponder about things happening around me... apparently i've caught the homework/schooling blues... only 4th day of school reopening and i'm already starting to feel down. stress perhaps? like jap course... 1st week got lesson liao, next lesson on mon the sensei is going to give us a dictation/spelling test already -_- geez i really can't stop my pace at all, to even slack the slightest bit. and this is only week 1, where i only have lectures no tutorials... i can't imagine the upcoming weeks... perhaps this is the real school reopening blues...
once again i'm reminded of fruits basket. though i've stopped reading that manga for a long time, certain themes running through the series now is starting to appear in my real life... of course lar wad am i talking, these plots n themes are written based on real life scenarios, of course will happen to pple in real life... =_= but somehow i never thought i would have to face it again -_- oh well, life is like a sine curve... things like to go up and down... like a roller coaster =)
i've stopped thinking that much since i entered jc, especially hcjc... strange isn't it. it was a foolish attempt to stop myself from feeling all kinds of emotions... like nostalgic... sadness... making myself confused cos i can't reach a conclusion... things like that... and so i stopped thinking about a lot of things in my life which i should have paid attention to. like how i treat people around me, what are my core values, which are the things i should define as boundaries... and how to judge when my core values n morals clash, which one should be in higher priority. somehow all these sounds like some alogarithm to solve some problem in computing. -_- i think i'm studying so much until i 走火入魔... lolz~
so yeap, tonite i'm back to thinking about who i had been before i entered jc... i wasn't so easily depressed before... i remembered myself as someone more cheerful, someone who thought of logic over emotions... that's almost a direct contrast to me now... this brings to mind my conversation wif the girls at "dinner" today... the way u clasp both of ur hands together shows whether u're more emotional or more of a logic person... if u clasp ur left hand over ur right hand and find it most comfortable as compared to the other way round, u're more emotional, and vice versa... and i happened to be the "emotional" type... so who is the true me now? i guess if i ask this question to anyone along the streets no one can give u a definite answer that will remain unchanged as times pass by. we probably can't even find the answer when we step into our graves... that's life, it's a journey where we search for answers to our questions...
other things include, whether some of the decisions i made are the "best" for situation... taking a situation from the drama i watched yesterday, female A and female B both loved male A who died in a car crash, and female B was the third party with male A's child in her stomach... female A was upset that male A had another woman outside, but before male A died from the accident, he told her to take care of female B n the baby... and female B happened to be in need of money and hence threatened male A's mum and female A that she'll abort the baby unless they give her a huge sum of money... male A's mum then proceed to attempt to borrow $$$ from female A *but of course who'll be stupid to help her love rival?* so female A called up her friend for advice... friend says, dun give female B money, she'll come back for more... but female A thought abt male A's dying wish and in the end gave female B money and even let the homeless female B move into her house so that she can take care of female B n bring female B to pre natal checks *cos female A's a doctor* and of course female B took advantage of female A's kindness... and the rest of the plot... i dunno yet... lolz~
so... the solution female A took in the end... it's not the "best" solution in my opinion, cos of course B will take advantage of her soft-heartedness... but if u chose not to give her money, and she really went to abort the baby, then how? although in the show, B didn't really want to abort the baby... but in real life, in other similar situations... the outcomes of these two possible solutions are totally different... are u able to handle the individual outcomes? when u made one decision, u think about what if u had done something else? would it make things better?
then again, someone questioned me... if u make a decision cos u don't want anything to happen in the future... that's being unfair cos u're not even sure whether that thing will happen in the future. my argument to that would be... it's better to prevent... though at the cost of the current outcome... but in the long run it would probably be better... so it then boils down to whether u want the current situation to be better over than in the long run or not. so, if u're placed in that situation, what would u prefer? to have pain in the present and be happy in the future? or be happy now and suffer later?
and... sometimes u simply feel helpless as u cannot help others... as the 9pm drama from today says... "if u don't open up, no one can help u"... so... even as friends who care, if u insist u dun wanna open up no one can force open ur heart n to help u... -_-
oh yes... yu chun if u saw this post before i contact u... i'm sorry... i need a favour from u... there's something i need to sort out... lolz~
that's all for now... brain coming to stand still... cannot think... geez... =X
06 January 2006
it's a happy day for me! after such a long wait i finally finalised my time table and finally officially started my first jap elective lesson! i felt super excited n happy... hehex~ first time attend jap class... the teacher is nice... then lucky nicolas same class as me... initially i tot i couldn't get my elective... next i got it... then nicolas tot he din get and later he got it too! haha such a happy day, in my sister's terms...
yeah i felt happy this whole afternoon, until i got home. and somehow that euphoria simply faded away. ok spare me my english... language isn't really my cup of tea... somehow now late at night juz feeling a little... down? not exactly down as in depressed, just that... who the heck am i? what am i doing now?
yeah i know i'm studying for my degree, i'm sitting in front of my laptop trying to type some of my thoughts which i can't even figure out wad i'm thinking... perhaps i'm tireds... tml lesson at 930am... last two days had lesson at 830 and i seriously buay tahan... imagine.. this week only lectures no tutorials... i can't imagine the upcoming weeks... and stupid me went to take 2 electives? wth was i thinking this afternoon... and i had this sudden boost in confidence that i can handle 2 electives... now come to think of it that's stupid and dangerous... who knows whether it'll pull down my grades in the end -_-
and... maybe i am too... results conscious? it feels weirds... when everybody else comes and ask u abt ur results and u truthfully tell them ur grades and they start saying things like... godlike... wickedly sick... stuff like that... i know they're joking... but somehow it feels weirds to be a little different from them... sometimes i had this strange thought that maybe i should lie abt my grades just to fit in... somehow i feel they are ard me cos of my grades and i'll help them wif their work... besides that, in school i'm a totally practical n bimboistic girl who will seize all available time to mug tutorials even in the first week of lesson... which is deemed as a study freak. ok i'm freakish bah... sighz... i guess i'm getting more and more incoherent... =X
i guess it's juz cos i'm starting to feel tireds... so much for thinking late into the night...
and yes! i think i haven't played dota in a long time! today tried playing a random hero and i ended up being the feeder in the team... feel so paiseh =X maybe i should train more before i play wif outside pros... randy muz faster come back n train wif me! lolz~
that's all for tonites... shall get some sleep before i cannot wake up tml morning for school.. =X
*on a side note, had a pleasant chat wif pansy n sheila juz now... had a hilarious conversation! and pansy u watch out. i'm going to get the lame queen of the week from u next week. just u wait. :P*
yeah i felt happy this whole afternoon, until i got home. and somehow that euphoria simply faded away. ok spare me my english... language isn't really my cup of tea... somehow now late at night juz feeling a little... down? not exactly down as in depressed, just that... who the heck am i? what am i doing now?
yeah i know i'm studying for my degree, i'm sitting in front of my laptop trying to type some of my thoughts which i can't even figure out wad i'm thinking... perhaps i'm tireds... tml lesson at 930am... last two days had lesson at 830 and i seriously buay tahan... imagine.. this week only lectures no tutorials... i can't imagine the upcoming weeks... and stupid me went to take 2 electives? wth was i thinking this afternoon... and i had this sudden boost in confidence that i can handle 2 electives... now come to think of it that's stupid and dangerous... who knows whether it'll pull down my grades in the end -_-
and... maybe i am too... results conscious? it feels weirds... when everybody else comes and ask u abt ur results and u truthfully tell them ur grades and they start saying things like... godlike... wickedly sick... stuff like that... i know they're joking... but somehow it feels weirds to be a little different from them... sometimes i had this strange thought that maybe i should lie abt my grades just to fit in... somehow i feel they are ard me cos of my grades and i'll help them wif their work... besides that, in school i'm a totally practical n bimboistic girl who will seize all available time to mug tutorials even in the first week of lesson... which is deemed as a study freak. ok i'm freakish bah... sighz... i guess i'm getting more and more incoherent... =X
i guess it's juz cos i'm starting to feel tireds... so much for thinking late into the night...
and yes! i think i haven't played dota in a long time! today tried playing a random hero and i ended up being the feeder in the team... feel so paiseh =X maybe i should train more before i play wif outside pros... randy muz faster come back n train wif me! lolz~
that's all for tonites... shall get some sleep before i cannot wake up tml morning for school.. =X
*on a side note, had a pleasant chat wif pansy n sheila juz now... had a hilarious conversation! and pansy u watch out. i'm going to get the lame queen of the week from u next week. just u wait. :P*
01 January 2006
new year resolutions....
2006 is here! drats... 1 year older... school reopening soon... i need more time... =S
on the other hand... i'm going out to eat steamboat wif my family laters.. hehehex... shall skip lunch now and eat loads of prawns... sotongs... seafood laters =)
now... as promised on the previous entry... my new year resolutions...
1. NOT to be late again!
erms.. i know i made this resolution last year... erms... i did keep to it... but... only for the 1st quarter of the year... muahahahaha!!! so... i'm making this resolution again... for the whole of the upcoming year =) pls pls pls dun let me be late for lessons n exams n for outings... =S
2. to be 50 by... erms... end of the year...
i made this resolution like... 3 years ago... then keep dragging dragging dragging up till now i'm still... erms... slightly above 50... LOL... i mean... my weight, not my age. -_-
3. to do well in my studies...
i know pple are going to throw rotten tomatoes at me *erms... like.. yuchun* i'm quite upset that i din get a+ for all subs... so muz work harder... plus this upcoming sem got computing *which i know nuts abt* jap *i sux at languages* chem *which i sux even more* and so... jialats... haiz... muz work hard... plz... god, deities.. wadeva... lemme score well in the upcoming exams!
4. to help my tuition kids to achieve the best possible results...
i'm kinda worried for my sec2 kid now *hey last year sec 1 now sec 2 le* streaming year.. and today her compo was like... -_- no organisation no grammer wad de -_-''' hope that my j2 kid now will get a for her fmaths exam at the end of this year! =) praying for u guys here =)
5. for my family to safe n healthy n happy =)
erms.. dun need elaboration le ba?
6. WORLD PEACE!!!
er... -_-'''
7. for everybody to be happy =)
my friends... those pple i've met... wishes go to them =) ok lar this is not a resolution lar... but put here for fun? lolz~
8. for me to be happy =)
hehex that sounds selfish so i left it at the end hehex~
9. for me to get over it totally.
10. for me to stay out of trouble.
er... i tot this would be a long entry... but surprisingly it's so short and concise *with loads of crap lar haha~* oh well... maybe cos i'm hungry and in a hurry to find some tidbits to munch on so that i wun get gastric before my big feast laters... oh u see? wad happened to my 2nd resolution??? geez...
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY! XD
on the other hand... i'm going out to eat steamboat wif my family laters.. hehehex... shall skip lunch now and eat loads of prawns... sotongs... seafood laters =)
now... as promised on the previous entry... my new year resolutions...
1. NOT to be late again!
erms.. i know i made this resolution last year... erms... i did keep to it... but... only for the 1st quarter of the year... muahahahaha!!! so... i'm making this resolution again... for the whole of the upcoming year =) pls pls pls dun let me be late for lessons n exams n for outings... =S
2. to be 50 by... erms... end of the year...
i made this resolution like... 3 years ago... then keep dragging dragging dragging up till now i'm still... erms... slightly above 50... LOL... i mean... my weight, not my age. -_-
3. to do well in my studies...
i know pple are going to throw rotten tomatoes at me *erms... like.. yuchun* i'm quite upset that i din get a+ for all subs... so muz work harder... plus this upcoming sem got computing *which i know nuts abt* jap *i sux at languages* chem *which i sux even more* and so... jialats... haiz... muz work hard... plz... god, deities.. wadeva... lemme score well in the upcoming exams!
4. to help my tuition kids to achieve the best possible results...
i'm kinda worried for my sec2 kid now *hey last year sec 1 now sec 2 le* streaming year.. and today her compo was like... -_- no organisation no grammer wad de -_-''' hope that my j2 kid now will get a for her fmaths exam at the end of this year! =) praying for u guys here =)
5. for my family to safe n healthy n happy =)
erms.. dun need elaboration le ba?
6. WORLD PEACE!!!
er... -_-'''
7. for everybody to be happy =)
my friends... those pple i've met... wishes go to them =) ok lar this is not a resolution lar... but put here for fun? lolz~
8. for me to be happy =)
hehex that sounds selfish so i left it at the end hehex~
9. for me to get over it totally.
10. for me to stay out of trouble.
er... i tot this would be a long entry... but surprisingly it's so short and concise *with loads of crap lar haha~* oh well... maybe cos i'm hungry and in a hurry to find some tidbits to munch on so that i wun get gastric before my big feast laters... oh u see? wad happened to my 2nd resolution??? geez...
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY! XD
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