indifference vs intimacy

at times, i'm bursting mad that i start to fire my gatling gun non-stop.
at times, i'm so happily immersed in my tiny little world.
at times, i feel so in love and so loved by you.
at times, i'm just so insensitive and say things that disappoint you.



sometimes i wonder. why should i even care? i mean, it's totally none of my concern how wishy washy other pple can be... but the moment i see one making a decision, and then hesitating, or even being totally clueless when trying to lead a team... it just makes me want to explode. i know it's totally none of my business but yet i still care.

i wish i was back in my little invisible glass container. and watch all these things pass by me.



yet. i wish i could be more sensitive to your needs. and have a better memory to keep all the things you've told me in my brain. so that i wouldn't forget a single detail when conversing with you. so that you wouldn't be disappointed with me when you realize i've forgotten...

happy 13th month. ^^

忘れないで～

someone from the class seems to be leaving for better prospects... though i wasn't close to him, somehow i felt sad... sad that i didn't spend more time interacting with him before he makes his decision to leave...

he left to find a job in the games industry i guess... i'm happy for him, but the reasons he left lingered in my mind... and i actually faltered with my resolution when i decided to take up this course. he felt the "lecturers" teaching us was underqualified, which was quite a valid issue since he had graduated with masters, and the people teaching us were taking their masters now. and after class today, i was quite upset, as i felt the lecturer today wasn't even sure of the things he taught. this really started me thinking a little more down the path he chose... although the bond would have to be broken, i guess there's nothing much that can be done once your heart and mind is set.

やりたい事を忘れないで。

please... stay focused.

i am here because i want to, and i have things which i want to accomplish here.

juggling...

School has started for 2 weeks already! Things are fun at school (though some might not think this way haha) well, i get to learn something new everyday, and i get to play with people! But the time i have for myself is considerably much lesser. I wake up early to go to school much earlier than the rest of my classmates for various reasons, such as to play games with derek, or to teach tiffany maths... There's nothing wrong with that, I do enjoy spending time with them, but in retrospect... I'm afraid... afraid I have no time for myself, afraid i might drift away from kt, especially since we're both so busy with our lives now. With all the assignments and tutorials I have to complete, plus my tuition and things like that, we must still set aside time for ourselves to meet with our own friends.

They say absence makes the heart fonder... but in my case... it makes my heart... wonder... if we'll still be able to remain as close as before...