after being high *be it from the alcohol or self-induced* all you're left with is silence and sorrow...



all that matters is being true to yourself. i said that myself and i agree with this statement. yet... why is it that sometimes being true to yourself... it hurts?

i guess negativity still gets to me at times.

this morning i had the hallucination of having my wrist cut again. -_- and i thought i had snapped out of it... i told myself to get out of it and went to school late again for my project. i did what i had promised my group leader over the weekend but couldn't send it to her during the weekend cos i didn't spot her online, and when she received the file she told me she did it herself already cos she didn't know i was going to do it. dammit. that's more than twice this kind of thing had happened. if u wanna bao ka liao i'm not going to stop u. i wanted to make things easier for you, looks like u don't need it. no point trying to support pple who wanna chiong all the way i suppose. total waste of everybody's time.

it's not anybody's fault. i keep telling myself but it doesn't seem to help. the ineffectiveness of this entire project is really getting on my nerves. it's easy to just do my part and don't care about others. despite how much i hate that. i want to contribute too, but it seems as though i wouldn't get my chance. 1st is the upload cgi thing, then is the project proposal. no one knew abt the upload cgi thing though... no point doing anything cos it's going to be rejected at the end, isn't it? i've tried already... no point being sulky just because what i did isn't incorporated into the end product. i'm used to it anyway... trying to be helpful, only to be tossed away... just like that time 3 years ago. people think i'm too free and tossed all the shit to me. i fought back... because i'm not as free as they thought. harlow you guys didn't even understand that i had specially set aside time just to help u guys out. ungrateful people. i guess they're everywhere. and just because i fought back i guess i made a bad impression on them. fine by me, i don't wanna get involved in this kind of sai kang in the future too.




was watching/reading anime/manga... and came across 2 characters who didn't have the will to live... thinking it's fine to just die by accident since they didn't really have the will to live anyway... no you wouldn't die. because there are people who want you to survive. even against your will... so don't make them sad *at least for those with people who care about you* and do this kind of foolish acts.

no matter how much the world laughs at me... i wouldn't care, as long as i'm true to myself...

$40+ for a getaway from reality, from the harshness of life... to gain some sort of hope for life...

i guess that's pretty worth it.

some people just sux to the core. well, maybe me included. ok make that definitely me included. but there are definitely people who sux more. a bunch of people from a certain organization with the name ****. ok enough rant about some people insignificant that will not make much difference in my life. maybe blow away a grain of sand from my life maybe.

就算天塌下来，就把他当被盖。i like this phrase... how apt for my situation. thanks pansy for making me feel better in face of a rather small adversity. it's nothing really. i've learnt to look at things differently after talking to you... so whatever shit you throw me, u can't beat me. not now anyway...

i'm so glad that i'm not alone in this world... it felt this way for some time... but then i met my good friends... like pansy, yuchun, shian chi *you better come back soon! miss u loads...* thanks for being there for me... when i needed a shoulder to lean on... when i needed to gossip with... for giving me advice to my problems...

i dunno what i'm doing with my life... i thought i'll be good if i thought of what i wanna do in the future and set myself in that direction, but i can't find that arrow for myself... is it just me being indesicive? or just me being cowardly? running away from any problems that i face? i can't keep running away. i thought i've stopped to face them... but as always i'm an advocate of NATO... no action talk only. haha courtesy of zhi chao *dunno how to spell... think it's tze jun in english... what a weird name!* how do i take action then? hmmms...

enough thinking for tonight... i think i tend to ponder too deep into matters... causing me to be unable to see the problem/issue in perspective... ok time for more photos! sorry for the lousy quality though... i don't know and i'm lazy to use photoshop to make the pictures look better... so.. hahahaha...

we think it's an artistic shot... ok laugh if you must...

ok this time i admit... i think i had an artistic shot... but the front looks rather empty...

wooo~ pansy looking chio XD

that's me trying to act cute -_-'''

ooo cats are always cute by nature XD

i like this song loads... if i'm going ktv soon i wanna sing this to my best girlfriends... =)

老婆
歌手:S.H.E 作词:任家萱(selina) 作曲:陈嘉桦(ella)

从昨天到今天
还有明天
感谢老天
让你们陪在我身边

爱的心痛的心
等待的心
因为你们的拥抱
我很放心

当初见面的不安
彼此的探索
也许有些茫然迷惑

朝夕相处才发现
这世界中
没有人比你们更懂我

朋友姐妹
都已不够来形容
我们的默契骄傲
扶持与包容

老婆老婆
我们一起打勾勾
请记得约定的旅程到永久

finally... blogger seems to be back to its old self...

sometimes i wonder if i'm just being depressed... as in clinically depressed. i keep thinking of the worst scenarios that can happen to me... like while i'm just walking down the stairs with a bottle *glass bottle to be exact* of snapple, i'll image me tripping down the stairs, and the shards of glass from the broken bottle cutting my face... or when i'm crossing the road or sitting in the car, a terrible car accident will happen... or just me having this big cut across my wrist when i'm just stoning... things like that. sometimes it really bothers me why i'm so plain pessimistic... and others around me can tell me i'm optimistic. the cold hard truth is i'm optimistic about others but not matters regarding myself...

it's easier if you never had expectations at all. in this way you wouldn't suffer when your expectations are not met. i thought this was drilled all the way into my head, but i guess sometimes it just slips my mind. but living in a life with no expectations of any kind seems to be a life without any meaning or motivation. it felt as though i'm just waiting for someone to take my life away from me. maybe i really am. but others can tell me i've got a bright future waiting for me. i'll think : what future? can you see it? what makes you so sure it's bright and not dark? or is there even a future?

i guess being too critical will get you nowhere...

and the thing about my project in school... i feel useless in the group. cos i don't seem to have the knowledge to do things... neither do i have any ideas to input... am i just plain pessimistic cos i felt like i wanna disappear from that lab where everyone seems to be working hard while i'm doing nothing at all? what can i do to make me a more worthy member of a project group?

regarding the blog layout... i'm still trying to figure out how to draw and digitally colour the image... seriously... it isn't as easy as i thought... the character design+costume+background... is simply omgs. now i totally admire and idolize mangakas *people who draw manga*... lol...

alright... that's a short update on my part =)

darn it. blogger sux. =(

i'm not going to retype the entry this dumb blogger decides to reject. boo.

after a whooping 5 days looking at the same picture, me and my sister finally realised something devasting...

presenting to you... the one eyebrow-ed man!


my sister had worked on this for 5 days... and not a single day without complaining to me... i guess she had enough looking at his face... and she didn't even realise he had only 1 eyebrow until i tried to input some ideas to her by drawing out his face in my normal manga style... and while imitating his face on the computer screen... the dire realisation struck me... this man had 1 missing eyebrow! amazed by this fact, we looked back at the original image of him and realised the hard core truth...

the sad thing is... after we're thoroughly excited by the fact we're going to print the one eyebrow man on the concert tickets and poster... after her hard work... someone in her committee said she shouldn't paste the chinese word on his face. hey it's art ok... those people have absolutely no artistic sense despite being part of co...

忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍忍。

好，我忍。

so this is what the lack of sleep and being heaty results... of course there are other factors, but they make your eyes swell and hard to open, gives u a slight headache and makes you feel like flaring up at any slight provocation...

rawr. i'm going to explode. you better stop any funny ideas you have. damn it.

yesterday was too havoc a day for me... until i didn't have any energy left in me to blog about my wonderful.... fattening? experience with my best friends pansy and sheila from hc... we went to suki yaki at marina centre... and all went loose... well, picture speaks a thousand words...

wow.... looking at this picture makes me feel hungry again!

that's pansy pigging out enjoying her prawn...

while we're still sane and cooking our feast like good little girls...

after the feast... what's left of it...

we had ice cream after all these madness... with pansy and sheila complaining about how full they were and i still had some stomach space left... *opps i gave myself away* but nevertheless we moved on to our dessert... ice cream! it's the first time i'm eating "self-made" ice cream which essentially involved you scraping and flipping the ice cream liquid on this really cold surface, leaving you with the cold ice cream! and pansy and i both think i'm pretty good at it... maybe i can consider that as my future profession... LOL! the sad thing is i forgot to take pictures of us making ice cream... =( *too attracted by the ice cream...*

next we went shopping... and i spent a whooping $50 bucks on clothes... one of them was quite cool... but i felt i was pushed into buying it by that kinda irritating salesperson... but i kinda wanted it too... so i didn't violently object when she just pushed the clothes to her assistant and told her to enter the receipt... darn it i should have been given more time to think about it. darn. i hate this kind of sales people... the other product of my conquest was my long-awaited pair of shorts... seriously the singapore weather is driving me crazy with the amount of heat the sun radiates on our portion of the earth. so i had to get that pair of shorts... which was at a whooping $18 bucks only! half priced somemore! rawrs. though it was kinda a good buy... but all in all i spent 200+ bucks in these 4 days... =(

today... taught tuition in the morning, followed by ktv in the afternoon with my ntu friends... loads of thoughts... i thought i sang pretty well XD *my mum insists that i'm narcissistic... well maybe i am XD* but i need more ktv! someone better accompany me to ktv again soon... and i mean damn soon... like next sat/sun? then in the evening dropped by yuchun's house to help her sister with physics... didn't feel like i helped much cos i have a feeling her sister, though inquisitive, has a rather short attention span... and i can't blame her for that, cos she's still young while i'm paid to keep talking non stop without brain blocks or becoming seh... unless i'm facing some ultra cheem maths problems... and this pretty much sums up my activities for these 2 days!

and now for the irritating 20 people group project starting tomorrow... sighz.
















never. ever. follow someone else's footsteps to the extent of losing yourself. i saw you falling into that same trap as i did 4 years ago, and i know it doesn't help at all. i want to tell you this, but i don't have the courage or the authority to let you know. now i totally understand how he felt then... i was such a dumb idiot... never ever lose yourself over something as small as this... in the heat of things u might think u're willing to lose yourself in this, but in afterthought u'll probably regret it. people will like and accept you for who you are, not for who you aren't.

ok enough of my nonsense... time to knock out soon if i want to be able to wake up tomorrow morning... sighz.

yay! exams are finally over! i want to sleep, rest, go out to shop, read all my manga plus watch all my anime, plus ride on this...

yesh! this is a ferris wheel i took at the woodlands mrt platform... lolx... was there yesterday as part of my pasam malam 之旅 with my sister... well, only i was the idiot who wanted to ride on that... haha... <-- so old still don't wanna grow up =( since exams are over, i seized the time to go out with my friends before i'm tied down to another 5-week project that's 8-5 every weekday... so for today the clique i'm hanging out with is with my ny sec4 classmates yuchun, yihui and jiayuan! did something terribly sinful today... and i shall make u share my sin by showing you these pictures...

wooohooo! tiramisu! it's surprisingly super tasty for its weird shape... haha!

yummys blueberry cheesecake! *feels as though i'm i was in heaven...*

sin in love... really sinful with that yummy hot brownie in chocolate plus the chewy coffee icecream!

sinful sinful sinful!!! triple choc is just so chocolatey!

a "group" photos of these wonderful desserts...

it was a totally sinful affair... but after that wonderful meal *it was at a restaurant called secret garden that's somewhere along middle road*.... we found this outside the restaurant and decided to challenge its toughness by sitting on it...


then i tried to take a candid picture of yuchun despite her violent objections... and this is what i got...


seriously it looks more like a "talk to my hand" picture... so i edited it slightly to this...



can't wait to hang out with you guys again! =)