Greediness

... is there such a word?

I feel I'm overly greedy. There are so many things I want to do, so many people I wish I could get closer to learn more about their lives or to maybe "help" them but there's this invisible line I have to observe, not just for them but for myself too. It's a really delicate balance there which, once anyone goes over the line it's like all hell would break loose...

And I'm back to the idea of helping others out. I might "overly" think about my motives and others motives for helping people out. This may sound... bad, but I wonder... The past few days I have been helping my boyfriend out to paint his new house as if otherwise it would only be him working on this task alone, and I have past experience in painting the entire house so I know how tough and tiring it can be, which is the reason I want to help despite the long journey to his new home and how tiring the process it. But why is he the only person working on this project...? Mean part ahead, but... his father can also help out since he is not working every weekday, but he's not helping with the paint job directly, he'll just buy the supplies or bring stuff from the current house to the new house where we would be painting... I wonder is it really because he doesn't care? Or was it because I am helping out there so he felt there was no need to help? Or is it because I was there he didn't want to be lightbulb...? Would he see me helping my boyfriend out these few days as me working for the new house which could potentially become my future home...? All these thought makes my head hurt... And my heart to hurt too.

To help or not to help, that is indeed a really profound question for me to find the answer to for every situation I encounter.

withdrawal symptoms

I wanna play guitar hero!!! or rock band, or band hero.........

TTnTT

Choir of the Angels

Sorry for the poor choice of post title, it's actually the name of my priest's grace de coup from dragon quest ix... haha!






Somehow KTV these days feel... different. In the past I felt I could give and sing more soul into songs which I love. Now... somehow the feelings do not really resonate...

After today's KTV session (I think it's the fourth I've had in the past 3 weeks? LOL yays I win you Kelvin XD) I just feel like screaming off the top of my lungs to express my inner emotions, which I could never have done so in everyday life. Though I think I'm pretty OK with writing, but when it comes to expressing my feelings, I'm not good at verbal communication at all, in my opinion. =) Songs and music was my way to express myself, back when I was really really young, like since Primary school times...

Maybe I should go for yet another KTV session soon....? LOL just kidding!

Here's the song that resonates in my head tonight. I feel I've reached a new level of understanding to this song, and I hope the next time I tackle this song, I could better express the emotion in this song...






被爱的女人
歌手：李玟

在镜子前面 我是个被爱的女人
他就在门外 这个周末我可以依赖在他的胸怀
在情人面前 我还是单身的女人
爱若缺了缘份 我想我只能用情至深但不能太认真

为什么被爱 有时却觉得悲哀
为什么我 还是害怕一个人醒来
为什么相爱 日子却依然空白
为什么你 走不到我的未来

让爱固定下来 我不会永远青春可爱
我的美丽要你的温柔 帮我保留下来
让爱固定下来 我和你不要不要分开
我不要爱一再一再彩排 我不是每次失恋后都能从新再来

Memories

I was just reviewing my previous two years worth of blog entries... and I realized that my language skills back then were so much better! I was rather mesmerized by one particular entry, which I shall repost below... Guess what was I referring to in this entry? No prizes for the right guess though... =)








29 June 2008


hi my best friend...

why do you keep coming back to company me when nobody else is around?
i don't need your company.
i don't need your pity.
i don't need anybody's pity.

are you something that i have to learn how to conquer someday?
didn't i conquer you back then 2 years ago?

i can try to chase you away.
i can fill the entire room with music and games.
but in the end,
you simply refuse to budge from the depths of my heart.

is there some sort of antidote or some sort of poison
so that i can get rid of u once and for all?
sadly even if the antidote or poison was taken,
the very next moment i stop taking it
u come back alive and kicking,
and even stronger than before.

i hate you.
but i can't help but to live together with you.
is this hatred mutual?
does it even matter?

let us be nice and friendly to each other.
pls try not to overwhelm me
not only late into the night,
but at this very moment too.

ashamed

i don't know the full lyrics to my national anthem!
and i totally forgot my jc school song (even the tune)...
not to mention i only remember bits of my secondary school song...
and... i totally have no recollection of my primary school song...

i'm old. =(((((((

Calamine Lotion

Flea!
Flea fly!!
Flea fly mosquito!!!
Calamine~ Calamine~ Calamine lotion~~~
Oh~~~ No more calamine lotion~~~
Itchy itchy scratchy scratchy up and down my backy backy~~
Itchy itchy scratchy scratchy up and down my backside~~



How nostalgic~ And this is the song that popped up in my head these days now that I'm feeling itchy all over despite having bathed and scrubbed myself clean and yet I am not having rashes or anything... Am I sick or something? =X

Japalang

I'm happy, worried, excited, shocked, anticipating and yet hesitant at the same time just when action finally arrives.

Maybe inaction might be better...?

Definitely no way.

I hope things turns out fine and great...

Dragon Quest -- Turning Hate into Love

After my previous post/rant about my desire to be productive, I shall attempt to put that to work... And behold! Here's my latest obsession...

Frankly speaking, my first game in the Dragon Quest series was Dragon Quest VIII on the PS2 when I borrowed the aforementioned console and game from my friend a few years back. I think I only played it for about 5 hours, only barely making it past the first town, first dungeon and back. I didn't like the series at all back then: gameplay was slow (I think I was spoiled by the turn-based-cum-action hybrid RPGs and Dragon Quest is a faithful turn-based RPG), unintuitive menu systems (I had to go to the church to save, and I had totally no idea what the different options like benediction does at the church!), frequent grinding to buy the best equipment in town etc. And after a freaking 5 hours I was still at the first town with little plot development. Why am I even investing time in this game?! I thought so, and then I put that game down for good.

I had the same response during my first few hours of playthrough with Dragon Quest IX. The church was still there, turn-based battle system was still so sluggish and I still had to grind. But admittedly, the difficulty level was less steep in my opinion than its predecessor. And since Dragon Quest IX is the first game I got on an original cartridge for my new DS, I could not just put it down and shove it away like how I had treated Dragon Quest VIII. So I decided to gave this game more time, and I am glad I did. This game is really value for money and has its own charm. The monsters and spell names are rather humorous, and there is so much post-game content that I think I could easily spend 100+ hours on the game. I had a lot of fun with the multiplayer feature too: I was treasure-hunting (another really cool feature) with my friend trying to kill this boss called Shogum, who's an armored guy riding a huge pink slime. My friend's level was pretty low and she deals a mere 1 damage to the boss, so I told her, "Hey, I'll Oomph your character." And then we both laughed at how silly that statement sounded. (Oomph is a spell which increases a character's attack a lot.*wink*)

Let me digress a little: for that boss battle I had with my friend, in the end my friend's DS ran out of battery, so I was left in the middle of the really tough boss battle and got wiped out in the next 2 turns. Ouch to my virtual wallet.

There are other fun oddities which I had never appreciated in my previous encounter with Dragon Quest VIII. I could never understand how a monster dancing in front of my party in battle could make my own party member(s) get into the groove and start to boogie with the dancing monster! Although I still can't understand that's possible now, I laugh at it whenever that happens.

I heart Dragon Quest IX, but does not mean that this game is free from problems. Due to the focus on multiplayer feature for this game, though we are given the opportunity to customize our hero and party members (which I totally love this feature!), the party members no longer play a significant role in the storyline, and neither is there character development for the party members. It is a shame but I understand the game design decision made, and I think it is for the best.

In addition, although there has been much improvement in the menu interface (as other gamers on the Internet have claimed), it still feels a little clunky, like something is not quite right. It really bothers me why the Quest List is lumped under Battle Records in the menu; it does not seem to fit in with the other sub menus such as Wardrobe and Item List. I feel it should be placed somewhere else more significant, like under the Misc. tab, which can be viewed directly under the game menu. (Ahh~~ UI design is tough~~) Alchemy is a pain when you are trying to mass produce a certain item: you could only make a maximum of 9 of an item through alchemy at any time. Shopping can be a pain too: many of the shopkeepers just talk too much before they allow you the option to purchase their wares or to sell yours. The shopping interface only shows one of the stats that an equipment in the shop would boost or decrease. This was really troublesome, especially when I wanted to upgrade armor for my magic-wielders, whom I would try to fit them with armor that enhances their magic might or mending, and I would frequently buy armor boosting their defense but lowering their magic stats by mistake. All stats that would be affected should be displayed in the interface in my opinion. The church concept is cool but I still don't understand it. If they really want to have churches to save and etc, I would really appreciate if the little text box at the bottom explains the options I am given with when I talk to the priest in the church, instead of freezing at the previous statement the priest said, which nobody reads while browsing through the options anyway.

There are also some slight inconsistencies, which tends to be overlooked, like how my hero is supposedly the only Celestrian, and yet when I ascend to the Observatory (which I believe only the Celestrians could set foot on) my entire party is there when I try to save at their church, while I am seen running through the Observatory alone. In addition, it is a little funny to see some characters (like my party members) being 3D models with nice, proper textures, while some other NPCs are just sprites. The entire game is beautiful until you zoom up to one of the super pixelated sprites during a conversation or to take up a quest, and it felt like that spoiled the visuals of the game.

I also didn't like how my camera was limited, sometimes in towns and dungeons I could shift my camera in angles less than 180, otherwise I had no control over the camera view. Maybe I was spoiled by the other current games out there which allows us to either have 360 degrees control of camera or no camera control at all, but then again, this is probably a personal preference?

Phew what a long post~ All these love for Dragon Quest IX, I am sad to say, I am putting it on hold now to wait for my friend(s) to level up so that we can go multiplayer or treasure hunt together! In the meantime... I've turned my eye onto this...

The storyline is really good though the menu and shopping interface irritates me. The story feels really epic and  having monsters fighting in your party was really cool! But a more detailed analysis should come another day probably. =))

Action, please?

I'm sick of endless waiting... Getting my hopes high and getting disappointed again and again.... It's really bad for the heart... I just wanna do something productive with my life. I don't really mind all these endless playing of RPGs on my new DS but I feel so hollow inside. I need to do something that contribute to like... something. Something bigger. Something that contributes to society. Or just something useful...

Please just give me a job already... TTnTT