Thanks for the wonderful day... ^^
Sorry for not getting something for u... =X
But i still hope you enjoyed our special day =)) irirlu~
20 August 2008
so many thoughts after my first hrm tutorial.
hrm was shit... i mean... hrm IS shit. what is hrm? hrm = human resource management. it is the field of study that focuses on the applications of Organizational Behaviour (OB) theories and principles in organizations. omfg i remembered that straight off the textbook. that's the power of MH.
(those who ask what/who is MH? all i can tell u is that you can take it as Morning Horizon. or even My Happiness. wth. >.<)
but the approach MH takes (though pretty unique... that's a nice way of putting it... eccentric maybe? that's still a pretty nice way of putting it still.. ha!) does invoke loads of thinking on my part. which was wad MH wanted to achieve... MH wanted us to abandon all our assumptions and learn to question. i was not inquisitive enough. this brings to mind (let's forget about the business market... ahh business environment is the outside environment, including customers, competitors, suppliers and distributors, which all impact on organizational detail... vomit from textbook again) how i'm always stuck in conversations and find conversing with strangers tiring. MH brought up how upon seeing someone for the first time MH would have 20 questions for that person. starting from probably "what's your name?" it branches out to 5 more questions. wad about me? if i ever squeeze out a question to try to strike conversation with a total stranger i'll be stuck after that. which was why i felt conversations were so tiring, i simply lack the inquisitive nature which i feel everybody has when they came to the world, but due to the circumstances we went through that nature was almost completely buried. so now the question is... how do we bring back that nature to us?
for a moment a funny thought came to mind... go onto the mrt and observe people... and formulate the possible questions you can think off just by looking at one of the strangers on mrts...
(and i feel it's absolutely interesting to just observe people on public transport like mrt and buses... there's so many things that u can see! like the way people dress... or the way they sit... and observe how people talk to each other... so interesting! hees)
and then, for this project i had, i was sort of involuntarily the leader of the group (i was the first name in the group haha) it felt totally weird and uneasy on my part, since from young i was sort of labeled having no leadership qualities... or so i thought. come on, i'm not someone who likes to explain every single action i do to others, i expect others to just follow me (and i lead by example) and i'm an introvert. i like to keep things to myself. all these are a no-no for leaders isn't it. but a part in me wants to be a leader. i don't like to follow orders or confinements. i have this desire to break these barriers. one of the ways i do so is with my dressing. haha this brings to mind... today i purposely chose to wear a rather bright red shirt matched with black cardigan and skirt when i knew everybody else would be wearing light colours like white or light blue or something. i just wanted to be different, to look brighter when i do my presentation, i don't want to be similar to others. i want to show i have an identity. so maybe that's why i don't want to simply be a follower. i want to be somebody different... (a leader in this sense? i dunno)
but look at me! during team discussions i choose to step aside and listen to what others have to say (and in the process i get lost in their conversations... it's so tiring to pay attention to wad others have to say sometimes) i choose to become the so called 便利贴女孩 that doesn't like to be different or doesn't express her opinion but choose to follow. what happened to the part of me that wants to be different?
because my ideas had been rejected previously? because i am afraid of giving wrong answer or wrong opinions? all these no! it was simply because i lacked initiative to even open my mouth. being different doesn't necessarily mean being difficult. i am afraid of bringing trouble to others. (or so i claim hahahaha) but by disputing other people's opinion or to question their ideas is to a certain extent bringing trouble to them since they have to think more thoroughly about their ideas. but so? is that wrong? they'll hate me for that? (some may... sadly... haha) i dunno...
or maybe it was my low self esteem playing in the shadows... i don't really want others to dislike me probably...
and so i question myself. do i really lack leadership qualities just like the way those people who "labeled "me had said? i admit i'm more of an introvert... but not by nature. this i am very clear. though a really long deal of shit i would say... i became an introvert. i want this to change. i want to be able to talk to others and not feel tiring. i wish i can be a little more open about my thoughts to people i'm not so close to. of course there's the issue of trust again, i don't want to really dive into that right now... but yeaps. ultimately i still wish to change for the better.
but even if someone is an extrovert or he/she opens her thoughts to public, it doesn't necessarily mean he/she has leadership qualities isn't it? and there's the other idea of taking charge. personally i don't really like to take charge since i'm someone who hates being bossed around. so i assume others don't like to have authority pressing down on them... but maybe this perception of mine needs change. a leader doesn't have to keep chasing down his/her subordinates' neck. a leader need not rule with an iron hand either. taking charge can mean establish contact with those under him/her, just to let them know u're the man/woman out there. (lolx notice how i keep saying him/her... i'm a feminist k!)
and this kind of initiative, i used to have that. but ever since some things that happened i learnt to hide that part of me too. why choose to bury it? haha... i remember i used to get praises from my sec school teacher for my overwhelming enthusiasm to help teachers set up ohps n stuff... (all the tiny gritty stuff)... and now i understand why they praised me and hoped i'll continue to have such initiative... society needs this kind of people. but i had let them down... why did i choose to let this part of me die when things happen? i feel i have just backtracked another aspect of me...
all in all, i feel like i've been walking in the wrong direction all these while. when people discouraged me with their actions of not recognising me (well it's not their fault anyways) or even appreciating the effort and things i did for them, i choose to let the good aspects of me die out and i became opposite of the "better person" i actually was! wth was i thinking man! it just takes a wrong turn at a point in my thinking and all the good aspects of me went into the grave. ok enough. it's time to stop thinking and put my thoughts into action...
i remember wad 赵老师 used to tell me... 不要怕吃亏。 well of course the 吃亏 dun refer to let guys eat ur toufu (omg wth am i thinking man) but rather... dun be so calculative on the gains and losses... when others come to u for help, just help. sometimes don't be so calculative about taking the extra effort when others would probably take them for granted... oh well... now i guess i better understand what she was trying to say...
all i can say at this point in time is... i still don't know if i have the courage to follow this above statement now...
well, i'm not exactly someone without any leadership qualities at all... to look on the brighter side hees! i'm someone who's self reflective... a little too self reflective sometimes? (like wad yc implies... i might get lost while exploring within myself... hey i'm someone with no sense of direction mahs!! haha kiddings~) so yeaps, while i have to be harsh on myself and have high expectations of myself to propel myself forward, i shall always remember that i'm not totally that bad off... no matter how jialat things are, there will always be some redeeming point somewhere out there waiting to be discovered...
so yups, ok lah (though a little bit reluctant) THANKEW MH. you opened a few doors for me to explore more within myself... and i learnt a lil more myself today... thanks for offering one of the really few unique courses we ever took in uni man... but this brings me to have a desire to ask MH several questions... this include... why did MH choose to carry out his course this way? was it so that he could fulfill the marketing strategy our school tries to sell its courses to the potential uni students? and also why did he choose to leave his previous job and come to teach students instead? is the pay offered to him by the uni much much higher? hees~
alrighty. enough about hrm. blehs.
today was the first time in a few days i actually got to spend a little more time with you... i'm really happy for that =)) although i'm greedy (haha aren't all humans greedy? =Pp) but i understand how u're suffering now, so i wouldn't make my selfish requests... abit paiseh to bother u n ur family at such a short notice... but it was inevitable since i decided i wanted to be selfish... =X i hope ur mum didn't think i was some spoilt brat just go ur house to 骗吃骗喝！haha~
i'm glad u went to see doctor again today... cos the med u took today made u seem much better. well i shall try to curb my desires until u fully recover... ^^ haha erms... is this ****?
i'm really tired today after all the hrm mess... the moment i reached home i actually had the "crazy" idea that i wanted to start doing work immediately after i bathed... like doing some fyp research, or hrm research for fri's meeting, or even my database systems tutorial... eeks. but since it's 11.36pm now (oh i typed too long a blog entry haha) i guess i shall tuck myself in bed with my psp n my dear pooh... ^^
hrm was shit... i mean... hrm IS shit. what is hrm? hrm = human resource management. it is the field of study that focuses on the applications of Organizational Behaviour (OB) theories and principles in organizations. omfg i remembered that straight off the textbook. that's the power of MH.
(those who ask what/who is MH? all i can tell u is that you can take it as Morning Horizon. or even My Happiness. wth. >.<)
but the approach MH takes (though pretty unique... that's a nice way of putting it... eccentric maybe? that's still a pretty nice way of putting it still.. ha!) does invoke loads of thinking on my part. which was wad MH wanted to achieve... MH wanted us to abandon all our assumptions and learn to question. i was not inquisitive enough. this brings to mind (let's forget about the business market... ahh business environment is the outside environment, including customers, competitors, suppliers and distributors, which all impact on organizational detail... vomit from textbook again) how i'm always stuck in conversations and find conversing with strangers tiring. MH brought up how upon seeing someone for the first time MH would have 20 questions for that person. starting from probably "what's your name?" it branches out to 5 more questions. wad about me? if i ever squeeze out a question to try to strike conversation with a total stranger i'll be stuck after that. which was why i felt conversations were so tiring, i simply lack the inquisitive nature which i feel everybody has when they came to the world, but due to the circumstances we went through that nature was almost completely buried. so now the question is... how do we bring back that nature to us?
for a moment a funny thought came to mind... go onto the mrt and observe people... and formulate the possible questions you can think off just by looking at one of the strangers on mrts...
(and i feel it's absolutely interesting to just observe people on public transport like mrt and buses... there's so many things that u can see! like the way people dress... or the way they sit... and observe how people talk to each other... so interesting! hees)
and then, for this project i had, i was sort of involuntarily the leader of the group (i was the first name in the group haha) it felt totally weird and uneasy on my part, since from young i was sort of labeled having no leadership qualities... or so i thought. come on, i'm not someone who likes to explain every single action i do to others, i expect others to just follow me (and i lead by example) and i'm an introvert. i like to keep things to myself. all these are a no-no for leaders isn't it. but a part in me wants to be a leader. i don't like to follow orders or confinements. i have this desire to break these barriers. one of the ways i do so is with my dressing. haha this brings to mind... today i purposely chose to wear a rather bright red shirt matched with black cardigan and skirt when i knew everybody else would be wearing light colours like white or light blue or something. i just wanted to be different, to look brighter when i do my presentation, i don't want to be similar to others. i want to show i have an identity. so maybe that's why i don't want to simply be a follower. i want to be somebody different... (a leader in this sense? i dunno)
but look at me! during team discussions i choose to step aside and listen to what others have to say (and in the process i get lost in their conversations... it's so tiring to pay attention to wad others have to say sometimes) i choose to become the so called 便利贴女孩 that doesn't like to be different or doesn't express her opinion but choose to follow. what happened to the part of me that wants to be different?
because my ideas had been rejected previously? because i am afraid of giving wrong answer or wrong opinions? all these no! it was simply because i lacked initiative to even open my mouth. being different doesn't necessarily mean being difficult. i am afraid of bringing trouble to others. (or so i claim hahahaha) but by disputing other people's opinion or to question their ideas is to a certain extent bringing trouble to them since they have to think more thoroughly about their ideas. but so? is that wrong? they'll hate me for that? (some may... sadly... haha) i dunno...
or maybe it was my low self esteem playing in the shadows... i don't really want others to dislike me probably...
and so i question myself. do i really lack leadership qualities just like the way those people who "labeled "me had said? i admit i'm more of an introvert... but not by nature. this i am very clear. though a really long deal of shit i would say... i became an introvert. i want this to change. i want to be able to talk to others and not feel tiring. i wish i can be a little more open about my thoughts to people i'm not so close to. of course there's the issue of trust again, i don't want to really dive into that right now... but yeaps. ultimately i still wish to change for the better.
but even if someone is an extrovert or he/she opens her thoughts to public, it doesn't necessarily mean he/she has leadership qualities isn't it? and there's the other idea of taking charge. personally i don't really like to take charge since i'm someone who hates being bossed around. so i assume others don't like to have authority pressing down on them... but maybe this perception of mine needs change. a leader doesn't have to keep chasing down his/her subordinates' neck. a leader need not rule with an iron hand either. taking charge can mean establish contact with those under him/her, just to let them know u're the man/woman out there. (lolx notice how i keep saying him/her... i'm a feminist k!)
and this kind of initiative, i used to have that. but ever since some things that happened i learnt to hide that part of me too. why choose to bury it? haha... i remember i used to get praises from my sec school teacher for my overwhelming enthusiasm to help teachers set up ohps n stuff... (all the tiny gritty stuff)... and now i understand why they praised me and hoped i'll continue to have such initiative... society needs this kind of people. but i had let them down... why did i choose to let this part of me die when things happen? i feel i have just backtracked another aspect of me...
all in all, i feel like i've been walking in the wrong direction all these while. when people discouraged me with their actions of not recognising me (well it's not their fault anyways) or even appreciating the effort and things i did for them, i choose to let the good aspects of me die out and i became opposite of the "better person" i actually was! wth was i thinking man! it just takes a wrong turn at a point in my thinking and all the good aspects of me went into the grave. ok enough. it's time to stop thinking and put my thoughts into action...
i remember wad 赵老师 used to tell me... 不要怕吃亏。 well of course the 吃亏 dun refer to let guys eat ur toufu (omg wth am i thinking man) but rather... dun be so calculative on the gains and losses... when others come to u for help, just help. sometimes don't be so calculative about taking the extra effort when others would probably take them for granted... oh well... now i guess i better understand what she was trying to say...
all i can say at this point in time is... i still don't know if i have the courage to follow this above statement now...
well, i'm not exactly someone without any leadership qualities at all... to look on the brighter side hees! i'm someone who's self reflective... a little too self reflective sometimes? (like wad yc implies... i might get lost while exploring within myself... hey i'm someone with no sense of direction mahs!! haha kiddings~) so yeaps, while i have to be harsh on myself and have high expectations of myself to propel myself forward, i shall always remember that i'm not totally that bad off... no matter how jialat things are, there will always be some redeeming point somewhere out there waiting to be discovered...
so yups, ok lah (though a little bit reluctant) THANKEW MH. you opened a few doors for me to explore more within myself... and i learnt a lil more myself today... thanks for offering one of the really few unique courses we ever took in uni man... but this brings me to have a desire to ask MH several questions... this include... why did MH choose to carry out his course this way? was it so that he could fulfill the marketing strategy our school tries to sell its courses to the potential uni students? and also why did he choose to leave his previous job and come to teach students instead? is the pay offered to him by the uni much much higher? hees~
alrighty. enough about hrm. blehs.
today was the first time in a few days i actually got to spend a little more time with you... i'm really happy for that =)) although i'm greedy (haha aren't all humans greedy? =Pp) but i understand how u're suffering now, so i wouldn't make my selfish requests... abit paiseh to bother u n ur family at such a short notice... but it was inevitable since i decided i wanted to be selfish... =X i hope ur mum didn't think i was some spoilt brat just go ur house to 骗吃骗喝！haha~
i'm glad u went to see doctor again today... cos the med u took today made u seem much better. well i shall try to curb my desires until u fully recover... ^^ haha erms... is this ****?
i'm really tired today after all the hrm mess... the moment i reached home i actually had the "crazy" idea that i wanted to start doing work immediately after i bathed... like doing some fyp research, or hrm research for fri's meeting, or even my database systems tutorial... eeks. but since it's 11.36pm now (oh i typed too long a blog entry haha) i guess i shall tuck myself in bed with my psp n my dear pooh... ^^
19 August 2008
17 August 2008
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