i guess i haven't cried in such a long time. ^^
nothing really moves me these days.
but going back to watch something that has once touched me...
i guess it certainly brings back memories.
in fact it made new memories.













私は今まで走っているんだ
何のために？

自分が分かった
大事な物を忘れてしまった
どうやってそのことを思い出すればいいでしょ？

それを見ると、覚えた。
その一所懸命な自分の意志
もう無くしまった。
何のようにがんばるとか、
その必要があるなのか？
今はどんどん分からなくてなってきた。

For those that didn't understand,

All the while I've been running,
What for?

I knew.
I have forgotten the thing that's important to me.
What could I do to remember that?

After watching that, I knew.
That unwavering will I had
was already lost.
For what purpose,
is there any need for it?
All these while I have gradually become unable to understand that.

最初その曲は悲しい気持ばかりだと思った。
でも、もう一度聞くと、人に暖かい感じすることもできる。
それはほんとうにびっくりした。
でも、うれしいだ。

Initially I thought that song can only convey sad feelings.
But, after hearing it one more time, it could also convey warmth to others.
I was alarmed.
But that made me happy.

Eternal Snow

君を好きになって　どれくらい経つのかナ？
気持ち　膨らんでゆくばかりで
君は　この思い気付いているのかナ？
一度も言葉には　してないけど

雪のように　ただ静かに
降り積もり　つづけてゆく

Hold me tight　こんな思いなら
誰かを好きになる気持ち
知りたく　なかったよ
I love you　涙止まらない
こんなんじゃ　君のこと
知らずにいれば　良かったよ

君をいつまで　思っているのかナ？
ため息が窓ガラス　曇らせた

揺れる心　灯すキャンドルで
今　溶かして　ゆけないかナ？

Hold me tight　折れるほど強く
木枯らし　吹雪に出会っても
寒くないようにと
I miss you　君を思うたび
編みかけの　このマフラー
今夜も一人　抱きしめるよ

永遠に降る雪があるなら
君へと続くこの思い　隠せるのかナ？

Hold me tight　こんな思いなら
誰かを好きになる気持ち
知りたく　なかったよ
I love you　胸に込み上げる
冬空に叫びたい
今すぐ君に　会いたいよ





Here's the translation (again! haha)

I fell in love with you
Just how long has it been since then?

My feelings have only been getting stronger.
I wonder have you realized..how I feel..

Even though I never said a word.
It is like a snowflake drifting gently, continuing to pile up...higher and higher.

Hold me tight if this is how it feels...
The feeling of falling in love with someone.
I never want to know that feeling.

I love you, I can't stop my tears from falling.
In that case then you should have never have come into my life.

I wonder how long will I keep thinking about you?
My breath is fogging up the glass window.

My trembling heart...is next to the lit candle...
and melting now... I wonder... will it survive?

Hold me tight, so tight that I might break.
So when we meet in the frigid gate of a blizzard..it won't be cold anymore..

I miss you..I think of you..so far away
With this hand-knit muffler...
I'm here alone..holding myself again tonight...

If the snow keeps on falling forever...will it cover my feeling for you?

Hold me tight if this is how it feels...
The feeling of falling in love with someone.
I never wanted to know that feeling.

I love you, It's filling up in my heart..
I want to shout to the winter sky..
I want to meet you right now...

Hold Me Tight...

I Love You....

it's been a really really long time since i last blogged...

and seriously, i have no idea wad i wanna blog today as well...

just feeling... restless... maybe cos i dun really know wad i wanna do now? despite having so many things weighing on me like my 2 quizzes next week and my piling amount of lagging schoolwork, and not to mention my job-search and possible phd professor search... there's just so many things out there for me to do! but maybe it's cos i know there's so much to do to the point i'm confused between my priorities? that's y i juz wanna procrastinate even for just one more day? haha~

i haven't been really talking about those erms... "cheem" things or thoughts that i have these days... i do think about them actually, just that i probably seldom place them on my blog these days... and now i do have a regular outlet for me to "vent" my frustrations to... *opps sorry to the unfortunate being... haha!* so yups, there's probably less motivation for me to blog. but in my recent japanese class i did discuss this topic with my group... so this kinda sprung the idea that i should probably come back to my blog once in a while... =Pp afterall, i haven't blogged in a month! my goodness!

i guess i'm standing at the crossroads again... unsure of where to go next. should i take a phd and continue down the path of a researcher? or should i try to pursue my interests and work in a job with relatively lower pay? do i need the money as badly as i sound? well, having more money surely wouldn't hurt. and i might be even able to help support my family n stuff... help my dad retire earlier or something... =X i dunno... but definitely having more money is good. but is research definitely the thing for me? would i be able to persist in research work? on the other hand, i'm looking at game programmer jobs which is definitely my passion (i think haha!) but i may or may not get it, and the starting pay would definitely be lower than that of a researcher... =X

my parents advise me to spread my options out... but seriously, i feel it's stressing me... cos i have to put in double the effort others put in for their future path. well, i guess i'm always like that. somehow i have the "disturbing" habit of putting myself at disadvantage, and having to work twice the amount of others bahs... like for japanese class i think i'm doing double the learning as compared to my classmates (i'm not sure of that actually, cos i think some are taking external courses out of school) but some don't seem to even bother with their school work. and then in previous semesters i study and teach tuition at the same time n stuff, having less time on my hands to study play n rest. but it's this stressful life that makes me feel fulfilling. and maybe even happy. lolx~ maybe i'm just a weirdo~~

anyways, i'm feeling really giddy now all of a sudden, maybe it's time to call it a day... =X