everybody is for themselves.

yeah... thanks for reminding me... ^^

yups. there's nothing to fear but fear itself.

jiayou qing yu.

i tried to go back to the cheerful and more helpful me.
i guess this just makes others more suspicious of my "motives".
if i were them i'll probably do that too.
so maybe it's better to stay cold and frozen in my own world.

joanne's going back to sg tomorrow (more accurately, it's today since it's past midnight)... a little envious of her though i could tell she doesn't really want to go back so early... i wonder if we'll remember each other after gip... but... like wad elton says, friendship's over after gip... although i dun want to think of it this way... but then again...

it's really strange. somehow there's this nudging feeling that i don't want to stay close to some of the people i know that i'm pretty close to at the moment, as though i wish the friendship contract would expire the moment gip ends...

nonononono! i dun wan things to go this way... one voice in my head tells me that, but then the darker side of me tells me otherwise...












should i shift my blog? haha i've asked myself this question upteenth times le bah! a while ago i was like scrutinizing some of my other friends who changed their blog address and i wasn't aware... i was like... why change blog address! to avoid other pple u dun wan to see? funny now i feel like doing this too... maybe i dun like the way others can see my thoughts so clearly bahs...

i think i'm a very simple and easy-to-figure-out person... (though there are people who somehow cannot tell what i'm exactly thinking... leaving me puzzled as to why haha!) so.. maybe it's safer to keep a distance to others bah...

so tireds...







played bball with my schoolmates in school today... saw two of them who played bball like 2 people who were rather important to me in the past. feelings of guilt swept past me as i recall about the things i've been through with them and yet i couldn't and cannot stay close to them now...

one of them... was my ex. strangely, my company mate plays in a style so similar to him that it's so unbelievable... haha~ i revisited my memories of my ex... but it stays there. it has to. no point dwelling over something that's over for so long... but still, a certain wave of sadness kind of overwhelmed me as i watched my companymate play...

the other... was a friend i turned my back on due to stupid reasons... the guy that i knew here in shanghai has the same initial as my friend, they have almost the same build, similar hairstyle, and they play bball in similar fashion! lol~ but then i felt guilty... over the stupid things i did in the past to my friend which made him so hurt... and i wasn't a good friend and i wasn't there for him when he needed me... now that he's out of the shit i left him in, it's practically impossible to go back to the way things were before... not that i'm upset or i really really want to go back to the things that it was previously, it's more like... a pity that things turned out this way...

alright! let's leave our sorrow and sadness here. stop thinking back about things u dun have control over! start thinking about what you can do to salvage/make things better!

hi my best friend. u're back...






it's ok, i was used to it.
i'm alright with the way it is now.
dun worry, things would just go back to the way it was before.

i miss those naive and innocent days.

these days time and events have polluted me so much until things i'd show concern to... i no longer want to or have the power to. like those people whom i was once close to... they've all moved on in their lives, and i didn't or couldn't keep in contact with them, so it makes showing concern a little weird and out of place. and then there were those whom... i can't really come to resolve the conflict within myself... those who hurt me... on purpose or unintentionally... sometimes i want to show concern but then i'll step back and ask myself. why do that? they hurt me last time...

it's really difficult to let go of the past isn't it.














就是因为受过伤，难过了那么久，所以更不想再受伤。
就是因为哭过，擦干泪后，再也不想失去笑容。
而笑容又是什么？不哭了，就是笑容吗？
我还有幸福的权利吗？那你呢？

不想在受到伤害，所以想武装自己。
用眼泪洗过了自己，想要强化软弱的心。
朋友与朋友之间，此时可能对你很好；
下一秒却可能利用你背叛你伤害你。
为了避免这些未知的伤，或许避开比较好。

静止的时间，是否已经开始移动？
曾溶解的心，是否又会再次冻结?

最后，我会忘记回忆，忘记珍惜。
不再懂得坚持，只懂得放弃。









好悲哀的一生。

我试图舍弃这些悲观的念头，但怎么也甩不掉。

生命有一种绝对
五月天

如果我不曾走过这一遍
生命中还有多少苦和甜美
那风中的歌声孤单哽咽的声音是谁
回忆中那个少年为何依然不停的追

想要征服的世界始终都没有改变
那地上无声蒸发我的泪
黑暗中期待光线生命有一种绝对
等待我请等待我
直到约定融化成笑颜

那生命灿烂烟火般上演
你和我最后都要回归地平线
那留下的足迹浪花冲走回忆海岸线
靠近我再拥抱我
请不要让我的心冷却

想要征服的世界始终都没有改变
那地上无声蒸发我的泪
黑暗中期待光线生命有一种绝对
等待我请等待我
直到约定融化成笑颜

想要征服的世界始终都没有改变
那地上无声蒸发我的泪
黑暗中期待光线生命有一种绝对
等待我请等待我
靠近我再拥抱我
不要走请不要走
直到约定融化成笑颜
直到我看见生命的绝对



















生命中的绝对到底是什么呢？我不太明白。或许，永远都无法明白。













朋友遇到先所谓有的难关，我却无法在他身边陪着他，给与他支持。这已经不是第一次，我的内心却依然无法原谅远在他乡的自己。要是我还在的话，就能更直接地给他帮助。现在的我是那么遥远，我到底能为他做些什么呢？

只能保持微笑吧。希望微笑能成为他的支撑，能够给他些许力量度过这个难关。

我要让你知道，有许多人都很关心你，相信你都感受得到。你要好好照顾自己，我无法在你身边确认你是否都有吃三餐，就算不是为了自己，就当作是为了那些关心你的人吧！不要封闭自己的心，我随时都愿意听你诉说你的状况。加油！我希望在我回去时，能看到事情发生前的你。。。














在得到消息前，我还在为自己琐碎的事情而烦恼。现在回想起来，那些事怎能与朋友遇难的事来得困难呢?

我决定了，放手也是一种快乐。有时候，喜欢并不一定要拥有吧。虽然知足的快乐或许会叫我忍受心痛，但这样是最好的办法了吧。以后会怎样，到时候再说吧。或许会以泪水洗面，但这就算是我的赌注吧。
















有个人告诉我，不论是喜欢，或是爱情，都不要轻易放弃。这正是我以前所拥有的精神！但看看结果，或许当时的我不要那么坚持，接下来的日子会过得好多了。现在也如此吧。我已不再想再让心灵受再多的创伤。还是保持沉默好了吧，简简单单地过这一生，也不赖吧。就这样，一声不响地离开这个世界吧。












朋友！我们都要加油！不要败给命运，继续奋斗！这才是我们真正的精神！

yet another day of mayday song lyrics!!!













知足
五月天

怎麼去拥有一道彩虹
怎麼去拥抱一夏天的风
天上的星星笑地上的人
总是不能懂不能知道足够

如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎麼收藏要怎麼拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有

当一阵风吹来风筝飞上天空
为了你而祈祷而祝福而感动
终於你身影 消失在人海尽头
才发现 笑著哭 最痛

那天你和我那个山丘
那样的唱著那一年的歌
那样的回忆那麼足够
足够我天天都品嚐著寂寞

当一阵风吹来风筝飞上天空
为了你而祈祷而祝福 而感动
终於你身影消失在人海尽头
才发现 笑著哭 最痛

如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎麼收藏要怎麼拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有

知足的快乐叫我忍受心痛
知足的快乐叫我忍受心痛

武装
五月天

我 忘了珍惜 忘了回忆
摔坏心爱的玩具
我 学着远离 学着放弃
学着再没有回忆
天空的城 在解体
爱过
所以特别 的伤心

我 忘了珍惜 忘了回忆
摔坏心爱的玩具
我 学着远离 学着放弃
学着再没有回忆
天空的城 在解体
爱过
所以特别 的伤心

最后我开始武装自己
用眼泪 洗过自己
最后我开始武装自己
要强化 软弱的心
最后我开始武装自己
有名字 没有个性
最后我开始武装自己
我活着 用我的逻辑

我 收藏恐惧 爱上恐惧
那就再没有恐惧
谁 要我忍受 给我生命
是谁给了我血液
流出身体 的声音
还你
我不稀罕 的东西

最后我开始武装自己
用眼泪 洗过自己
最后我开始武装自己
要强化 软弱的心
最后我开始武装自己
有名字 没有个性
最后我开始武装自己
我活着 杀出我命运

最后我开始武装自己

mayday! mayday!! mayday!!!

opps sorry i'm still pretty caught up with my mayday fever... so here's a few songs that keeps going on in repeat mode in my head...













超人
曲：冠佑/阿信 词：阿信

世界如果被残酷攻击 只要给我一个电话亭
把内裤当外衣 如果你能够开心 展开披风 带你飞行

谁赐予我这一身 无助的能力
神也不能阻挡 你想离开的心

为什么拯救地球 是那么容易
为什么束手无策啊 我和你的爱情
为什么我能飞天 也能够遁地
为什么我却没办法 长驱直入 你的心

曾经你赞美我手臂 逛街多能提 日日夜夜贴身保护你
最凶狠的怪兽 也不能与我为敌 那为何害怕你的泪滴

你给了我这一幕 难堪的结局
谁要这样超人 连自己也救不起

为什么拯救地球 是那么容易
为什么束手无策啊 我和你的爱情
为什么拯救地球 终于完美结局
为什么 我只能够 眼看着爱燃烧成 灰烬

世界如果被残酷攻击 谁来接手我的超能力













i keep coming face to face with problems i've seemed to solve, but nevertheless it is still inherent and silently bothering me... it has already been over for such a long time, yet i'm still pretty bothered by it... i never really knew where went wrong... could it be that the fault never truly lie with me? but i could never come to that conclusion within myself. i keep thinking i had some part to do with the outcome of events, and probably as a result, i could never let go of it fully.

the feeling of helplessness... of how i had totally no control over the events that happened between you and me... i could do any other things fine, just this. i'm no superman (or superwoman), i can't save the world, and i don't know if i have even the power to make a minute change in the world.... but i did believe there were things i could do... like helping those people around me, to try and bring happiness to those around me... until that happened, leaving my confidence totally shattered. i turned myself into a hermit... all for what? all for how i couldn't stop the flow of events...

and even now... things still didn't really change. no matter how hard i try, i guess i just couldn't do anything about this issue. someone thought he wasn't serious as i was, and totally couldn't be bothered with me now. was i wrong? was it something that i did? or was i too irritating? i don't know... yet others tell me i'm alright. the feeling of helplessness just kept rising as i continuously tried to suppress it...

why dwell on things that i have no control over? it's just a small event in life, in another 10 years or so i would probably be happily living in a world that has totally no connection with the things that happened. i've already wasted 3-5 years on this entire damn thing... why can't i just let go of it totally and never let it come back to bother me again?













i want myself back.

sometimes... i wonder... wad does it mean to be sociable? does it mean always hanging out with your clique, going for all activities organized by the clique? or does it mean screaming out ur existence with loads of funny comments, disturbing pple and stuff like that?

i suppose i never managed to learn one thing -- how to trust others. well, not to say i trust myself in the first place either! haha~ or maybe the more accurate way of putting it is... how to trust others on issues i should place my trust on. i'm so damn gullible, believing all the little comments others claim... and yet i can't seem to trust how others would value my voice, my opinion, or even my existence. i dun trust how others might enjoy my presence... i don't trust how i can bring joy to others around me...

no one can expect the entire world to like themselves. me neither... but if u don't like me, i can tell u frankly... i don't like myself either.

















change. that is something i desire... probably... but perhaps some things are so inherent within me that i don't know how to change for the better... sometimes i thought i had changed, but after one big round around the bush, i'm back to square one. hahaha. i feel so damn stupid.













on a more cheerful tone... i attended my first live concert! though it was a really stressful experience for me probably... i waited for my friends at the wrong mrt station, and the china mobile network seriously sux... i couldn't make any calls to my friends then... so originally i was 1 hour early, i ended up meeting with my friends 45 mins late... and we were almost late for the concert itself! rawrs~ i'm so sorry to those who went to the mayday concert together with me... but i had a great time then! thankews guys ^^

feeling really tired.... but there are so many things waiting for me to do... like to bake chocolate cake in a half chocked toilet... ok opps that doesn't sound good on a clean blog like mine right? haha... reports waiting for me... haiz. too much stuff, too little time~~~

time to develop feelings with my trusty toilet bowl!!!




ps. this is my 501th post!