most people would like to think they're like durians; they may not look or smell nice on the outside, but good on the inside.

if it's me; i'm a rotten apple, looks good on the outside, but smells bad on the inside.













明明跟我一点关系都没有了，但偏偏还想知道对方过得如何。或许这就是我曾说过的：人的本性就是爱kaypo。他的死活快乐根本跟你一点关系都没有，干吗还要自作多情?不关我的事，不关我的事。。。














and it's about time for a new layout! thinking of changing the background... but the general script shall remain the same or i'll change it to the one similar to my anime blog... oh yah the anime blog needs a revamp as well... haiz i'm thinking of changing that one to a blog that'll only be updated during my summer holidays... shall name it ～青空の下～ anime blog v.2 夏の記憶... which means literally ~below the blue sky~ anime blog v.2 memories of summer... rawrs.

during the holidays, if possible, i'll like to brush up on my japanese... plus to learn a little about colouring using the computer... unfortunately, as most can probably tell, my watercolouring skills simply sux. *looks at the girl drawing on the left* and even more unfortunately, my sister who's taking architeture now doesn't know how to colour using photoshop or some other software as well! argh. where in the world am i going to pick up these skills? =X

besides that... it's time to start thinking again what is really my aim in life. why am i even in ntu. everything just feels... incorrect. from the stupid choice i made around 3 years ago onwards, it seems nothing has been going totally correct. is this just adolescence or just me. time to pick up on my pace in life and start working hard man... the world and the rest of the people around you aren't going to wait for you...

sighz. so many things to say, no one i can really talk to about this things. out of fear of no one understanding me as well... haha well in short, i'm just one idiot. baka.

明明在考试当中，但总是心不在焉。

我最讨厌的就是为了讨好别人而故意作出与自己性格完全不相同的人。譬如，为了让自己喜欢的人对自己有好感，就故意作出一些事情来让他注意。就像是故意打听他喜欢什么样的东西，然后自己去研究，这样就能跟他有共同的话题。这本身看起来没有什么不对，但是如果自己平时都没有对这种事情有兴趣，这样一来不会觉得很奇怪吗？这种没有个性的人。。。最讨厌了。我认为，如果是真正的喜欢，决不须靠这种小“手段”来让真爱到手。如果对方爱上的不是真正的自己，那么在一起的时候，你就不能很自在，因为你不能让这不是真正的自己穿帮，不是吗？

经过了这么多的事情之后，我已感到非常的疲倦了，甚至一直问自己：我到底是为了什么而努力呢？放眼看别人，有些人看起来根本就没有什么努力，可是在事业上却也不是那么的成功？总觉得。。。为什么要那么拼命呢？一问自己这个题目，我就发现我根本没有一个好的答案来回答自己。是为了自己吗？还是为了别人？如果是别人，那个别人是谁？我的父母？爱人？根本就没有所谓的别人。说是为自己努力，动机又在何处？为什么要为自己努力呢？为了以后美好的生活？

无法回答这个问题的我根本就无心向上，努力地为考试奋斗。天天在家看起来无所事事，好像已经准备好一切了，实际上并非如此。心里有一股愤怒，却又没有心情来努力。这样的自己让我非常苦恼，却又想不出有什么办法让自己振作起来。。。

再过多几天，考试就结束了。心仪的假期终于即将来临。。。才怪！过了考试还有多五个星期的project要赶，一想到这一点，就算心里有任何动力都会即刻消失。啊啊啊，不想在想下去了。烦烦烦！

希望在明天的考试来领之前我能读完他啊。。。嗨。。。

中国话
歌手：s.h.e 曲:郑楠 词:郑楠 施人诚

扁担宽板凳长
扁担想绑在板凳上
扁担宽板凳长
扁担想绑在板凳上

伦敦玛莉莲买了件旗袍送妈妈
莫斯科的夫司基爱上牛肉面疙瘩
各种颜色的皮肤各种颜色的头发
嘴里念的说的开始流行中国话

多少年我们苦练英文发音和文法
这几年换他们卷著舌头学平上去入的变化
平平仄仄平平仄
好聪明的中国人好优美的中国话

扁担宽板凳长
扁担想绑在板凳上
板凳不让扁担绑在板凳上
扁担偏要绑在板凳上
板凳偏偏不让扁担绑在那板凳上
到底扁担宽还是板凳长
哥哥弟弟坡前坐
坡上卧著一只鹅
坡下流著一条河
哥哥说宽宽的河
弟弟说白白的鹅
鹅要过河河要渡鹅
不知是那鹅过河
还是河渡鹅

全世界都在学中国话
孔夫子的话越来越国际化
全世界都在讲中国话
我们说的话让世界都认真听话

纽约苏珊娜开了间禅风lounge bar
柏林来的沃夫冈拿胡琴配著电吉他
各种颜色的皮肤各种颜色的头发
嘴里念的说的开始流行中国话

多少年我们苦练英文发音和文法
这几年换他们卷著舌头学平上去入的变化
仄仄平平仄仄平
好聪明的中国人好优美的中国话

有个小孩叫小杜
上街打醋又买布
买了布打了醋
回头看见鹰抓兔
放下布搁下醋
上前去追鹰和兔
飞了鹰跑了兔
洒了醋湿了布
嘴说腿腿说嘴
嘴说腿爱跑腿
腿说嘴爱卖嘴
光动嘴不动腿
光动腿不动嘴
不如不长腿和嘴
到底是那嘴说腿还是腿说嘴

全世界都在学中国话
孔夫子的话越来越国际化
全世界都在讲中国话
我们说的话让世界都认真听话

全世界都在学中国话
孔夫子的话越来越国际化
全世界都在讲中国话
我们说的话让世界都认真听话

逆风
歌手: garden sister 曲: mia 词: 于光中

用独特的关键字眼 我搜寻着世界
只想找到一个空间 布置我的宣言

梦想已存放许多 不在乎被谁偷走
我只有一个感受 我真的真的 我真的受伤过

黑夜逆风细雨 梦想热情和我
痛苦却又甜蜜 why should i care at all? at all...

我不管别人的看法 却又想被人看见
你总是说出了盲点 有时候真是讨厌

信心已存放了许多 你不在却不好过
我只有一个感受 你真的真的 你真的够爱我

黑夜逆风细雨 梦想热情和我
痛苦却又甜蜜 why should i care, why should i care,
why should i care at all? at all...

每个选择路口 我就挑难的路走
每次你放弃我 我突然回头 你却还跟着我

黑夜逆风细雨 梦想热情和我
痛苦却又甜蜜 why should i care, why should i care,
why should i care at all? at all...

听说你比从前快乐。虽然离你那么的遥远，但也为此而替你感到欣慰。如果上帝真的存在，为你祈求快乐的愿望是否已实现了？

感到疲惫。这时候的我，已经站也站不稳。在回家的路上差点又被车撞。哈哈我这个笨蛋没看清楚车，以为它要停在路口，没想到只是他在学车，驾得比较慢，结果我差点给它撞。这时的我问自己，为什么要弄到自己这么累？有什么意义？明明可以轻松点，我却偏偏选择比较难走的路。或许我真的是个傻瓜。。。

觉得自己好自大自我。再怎么隐藏也无法收敛的缺点。我明明希望能变得更好，但人好像只会越变越坏，不可能越变越好。对于人生的无奈，似乎无法改变的世界让我感到厌倦与些许愤怒。对自己的无能感到烦躁，痛恨自己没有力量来改变这个不完美的世界。但或许每个人都得经历这段心路过程，所以目前的我不想想得太多。只想马上躺在床上，一觉到天明，不用再为考试而烦恼，或为时尚琐碎的事情而伤透脑子。

i know i'm being selfish... but...

can't we only have laughter and no tears at all?














deep down i knew it. we have tears to let us enjoy laughter and merriment even more. so the only thing i can do now is to wish for all those who aren't laughing now to find their happy selves back soon...

it's time to start your engine you slacking idiot. first paper in another 3 days time *including today* and you haven't even finished all your tutorials. freaking 16 tutorials waiting for you. i don't care what you've been doing earlier. what's important is this: what others have is a mere 6 papers to deal with. you've got 8. and they're working much harder than you. remember: your goal to get better grades this semester... you want all your subjects to get A? haha don't make me laugh. look at you now. you haven't even done your revision proper. do you know your facts? no! if others have just 6 papers and you've got 8, you jolly well work twice as hard as them. and not forgetting u need to stay on top of the crowd... means u have to work even harder than that. so start planning your time wisely and stop stoning online. RAWRS.

TURN YOUR ENGINE TO TURBO MODE. NOW.

思念。是否是在雨天，或是在深夜的时候感觉特别强烈？

怀念。那些再也倒不回的时光，还是只因对现状的不满？

疲倦。是因为繁忙的生活，还是不想让自己停下脚步呢？

后悔。当时无法挽留的一切，所做过的那些愚昧的举动。。。

逞强。当无法沉浸在过去的回忆里，唯能继续向前迈进。。。

congrats to me again.

i sprained my back again. !@$%^&*^$#@%^&^#

it was over quite a lame reason... i was teaching my student maths at tuition yesterday... and it seems the posture i had while stretching over to my right to show her the working for like half an hour finally took effect as a permanent sprained back which only showed its true colours just before i went to bed. -_-

considering i can't and don't want to sit in a bad chair without proper and nice cushioning for my back with this lower left backache, i decided to skip school.

with my first paper another 7 days away *excluding today* plus another 17 undone tutorials *oh well i slacked my entire last week away* and my electives quizzes/exam yet unprepared... rawrs. i can foresee my entire degree audit with Cs and Ds for this semester X'(

and i finally stopped believing in the horoscope that i have made it send to my inbox everyday... they said i'm in luck today. what luck.

how nice.

1 more week to quiz, 3 more weeks to exam and i realise i haven't printed the second half of the semester's lecture notes. applause pls.

stuck in school with another lousy school computer that doesn't allow any other input language except english. -_-

been feeling kinda moody this weekend... totally no motivation at all... sighz.

how to catch up in time for my exams in 14days time? TT_TT