Of Smiles and Sunshine

i dunno how to feel right now... am i happy? or sad? i shouldn't be expecting anything right? will we still keep in contact after all this? will we exist in each other's future? should i even be hopeful about that?

maybe i shouldn't. expectations give rise to disappointment when hopes are dashed. but i suppose we're all humans, with a certain weakness in our hearts *oh well i suppose i do have a lot of weakness in my heart haha* if possible, i would like to cling onto even a glimmer of hope i suppose. it feels stupid imo atm... =X













there are just so many things that i want to learn. like how to be better at presentations, how to manage my time properly, how to control my emotions better, how to mask my feelings better, how to be a better host to others, how to open myself up more, how to handle fatigue and so much more. but i wonder if i'm just being too greedy to want to know all these skills...

i wish i could be someone better at handling responsibilities too... and i wish i could smile more instead of trapping myself in the depths of my mind. can i really do that? do i have the strength in my character to achieve that?

to a certain extent i wish i could be more tolerant too. and to be someone that doesn't bring trouble to others.

too many things, too little time to learn. i feel like i've already been left behind by the rest who had not shut themselves up like i did for 2-3 years or so... would i be able to catch up with them?













haha enough emo-ing for the night le bah... =X