Of Smiles and Sunshine

i don't know why... all of a sudden i feel quite depressed...

first is with my upcoming japanese exam this sunday... it seems no matter how much i study i can never finish studying even half the exam material... but me procrastinating here isn't going to make things better anyway... sighz~

next... why did i choose to take this exam when everyone else is enjoying themselves after their exams? feel a little left out... i heard about my ntu clique's outing today... and that peylun got injured pretty seriously... i wished i was there physically to help out and things like that... though i did spend today pretty efficiently to study japanese... just that... there's always this what ifs hanging around... wish i didn't have to sacrifice my friends for academic stuff...

and then i feel left out again... cos there's so many things i wanna do and stuff... wanna go out with pansy to do her hair but she's such a dear, don't wanna jeopardize my jap exam on sun so she's only asking me out on mon or tues... and i wanted to go to pc fair to buy alot of stuff... but turns out i'll be going alone cos everyone else has already gone there...

and there's the problem of me getting to my exam venue on sun... it's at changi.. so freaking far away.. i'll take like 2h+ just to get to my destination! and initially i thought my father could send me there... only that he's going to china again on business trip on sunday itself... and next he's going to miss my sister's birthday too! i know he didn't want this to happen probably... but it's starting to get to me... cos he's always not around on the big occasions... hais. am i just being plain moody or wad?

and then... about my gip IA in shanghai... i haven't received the email from them yet after so long. it's starting to really make me panic... and i heard things which aren't really pleasant regarding this whole gip email thingy...

all of a sudden everything just seem to crash down on me... can i just go to bed early or just cry it all out in one corner of my world?