Of Smiles and Sunshine

i'm back again... feeling much better than the previous time... though i'm currently under a torment of some stupid headache... thanks to eugene and cyc... those comments made me feel a little better... at least someone understands me... but yeap it's my family, i'll always be part of it no matter how much i hate it or stuff. it's their way of showing they care i suppose, so i just have to bear with it.

some new stuff... exams in 3 weeks time damn it. pansy's kitten called Pico (dunno if the spelling's right) is damn cute! can't get enough of going over to her house to play with Pico for 3 consecutive days lolx... she's *i'm refering to Pico btw* injured... had a fracture on her right hind leg... and she's actually a stray kitten... but pansy the cat lover brought Pico home to take care of her leg... and she's so cute! learned how to hold her using my hands today haha... i like pets though i probably lack the responsibility to take good care of them...

some questions people had asked me before and spurred me to question myself beyond that... are those grey areas of life... like how people these days lack the motivation to live and do well in life... like the morality of love : the motivation behind love... and. when i'm getting attatched. -_-''' ok that's pretty out of point.

first things first : i totally agree most people these days lack the drive to go on and strive for greater heights. our lives are filled with work work work, with no time to enjoy the beautiful things around us. Even if we are really that self motivated, in the long run that's not going to last for long imo. so moral of the story, stop our footsteps and listen to what our needs are. do we need money? do we need that much of money? do we need to study? do we need to study that much? so... don't bother studying for the exams in 3 weeks time! woohoo~

next. morality of love. what motivates people to love? when my friend asked me when i'm getting myself attatched, i should have told him i'm emotionally attatched to myself. rawr. then we wouldn't have to go on to talk about the reason for people to become attatched : whether it's right or wrong to fall in love just because you need someone there for you, because u're lonely. of course, textbook answers say no. but in reality? i doubt how many would really stick to that textbook answer. it seems these days love is so fickle... people's hearts can change within a split second. so how can i believe those useless textbook answers?

third. let's consider this scenario... if there's someone of the opposite sex u kinda like and are rather good pals with him/her, but that person is already attatched. would you continue to be friends and become even closer, or pull out of the whole scenario out of fear of you doing something you wouldn't want to do? answer should be... the former. but the latter seems rather valid to me too. haha maybe i just like wandering around the grey areas...

fourth. i've thought about this long deep and whatever. (fill in the blank yourself, can't think of the adjective right now.) what specialisation should i choose for my final year? time really flies. sighz now i really wonder about my choice of coming to ntu to study eee. i wonder about my true motivation behind this choice. on the surface i claim i prefer practical stuff (which is true)... but deep down, i wonder if something else had been the ultimate factor pulling me all the way here. which was a stupid move anyway. originally it was a move for a future i had predicted, which didn't and wouldn't happen anyway. so that's a stupid move. so in an attempt to salvage this stupid move, i have to come up with a slightly better plan for my "future" so that i wouldn't walk down this road regretting every minute of it. not that i am now, but... you get my point. should i go computer engineering (from eee? am i crazy?) or communication engineering? or information and communications? rawr. i have no idea... sighz.

fifth. this ever on-going debate within myself. what is the difference between true love and just habitual "love". habitually thinking about someone, habitually waiting for someone. hmmmmms. does that sound suggestive? whatever u're thinking of... it's not wahahahahahahaha. or then again. maybe it is. whisper into my ear and i'll probably let u know what i'm actually thinking.

omg i'm not making sense. it doesn't help when u have like 26 tutorials to finish in less than 21 days. meaning i need to do like 2 tutorials a day? and i haven't even finished 1 tonite. sighz. i wish i can self proclaim e-learning week for the next 3 weeks. =(