i wished upon a star for you...

this post should have come up yesterday... but owning to the fact that 2 days ago i had almost no sleep at all trying to finish sheila's present... i typed halfway yesterday.. and then knocked out in front of the comp.... wif pple trying to converse to me... trying to figure out whether i've woken up a nots.. *cos i always fall asleep in front of the comp when i'm too tired... :P*

yar... so finished the cross stitch... den at that time it was 6.30am.... wanted to meet junyi and pansy to go school together at 7.20am... so tot i should take a nap.. cos i had totally no sleep... which means generally that i would be half dead in school... dun want mah... so took a nap.. and guess wad? i overslept... slept till 7.20, when junyi called me.. den i woke up... and realised that i'm going to be late... so maluating.. i ended up to be late by 20 mins for physics lesson... sian diaos...

aniwae... it wasn't a good day for me yesterday... besides being so physically drained... though i did nothing through the nite but to stitch stitch... which resulted in me seeing all those threads whenever i closed my eyes... ha~ budden... sighz... juz felt nothing's going right... first overslept until late lohz. sighz... maybe it would have been better if i din nap at all....

besides that... went to school.. then half the time stoning there... might as well dun go school le... =(

and...

sighz...

my mum called me during break.. to tell me that.. one of the fishes which fiona and jasmine gave me for bdae... it died... for that time i stood kinda in shock... before the thing started to sink in...

den had to rush to toilet during chem halfway cos cannot tahan le... bet i made pple sitting ard me like pansy and zhanxin a little worried... den when i finally calmed down, shian chi came into the toilet and saw me... and heard my "flu sounding" voice... and she realised that something was wrong.. sorry to have made ya so worried yar? i'm feeling better now... =)

funny thing how i can grow so attatched to the fish which only came into my life like... 2 days before hand? and.... i think if the same thing happened 3 years ago, i wun have felt this way....

or maybe this time round.. i felt i was responsible for their lives... and i want them to live on... cos... previously, all the fishes i reared died... and i think i've never quite gotten over them... cos i felt... fishes they have their own life.. .and by capturing them and placing them in our care as selfish human beings.. we ought to be responsible for their lives... and should let them enjoy life... but.. .i failed terribly... all the fishes which came to my hands died... either due to... perhaps overfeeding? or cos not enuff oxygen.... so.... for quite some time i told myself that i dun ever wanna buy fishes to keep anymore... cos i'm not good enuff to take care of them...

and now... only after 2 days in my care... there had been 1 casualty... leaving the other fish all alone in that cold hard glass container...

and to think that the day before it died... i was thinking of the names for the fishes... wanted to call them 流星雨 and 小鱼儿... budden that time busy wif cross stitch.. din go and look at the fishes to actually name them... come to think of it... haiz....

i bet my mum could tell i was very upset over the death of either 小鱼儿 or 流星雨... den she went to buy 2 more goldfishes.... which when she told me... i was kinda... scared... cos.. wad if they died again? but i was cheered up... cos... of wad she did... =) thankx...

den.. over the night.. the two new goldfishes couldn't make it.. and they both died...

sighz... it's me, right?

now.... i guess i'm past the crying stage le... no more tears welling up my eyes... juz... staring quite blankly at the comp screen... feeling sorry for the lone fish swimming in the glass container again... i've decided that it should be called... 留星雨... hoping that it would stay... and hope that i can be good enuff to take care of it... though i know deep down that... maybe it wun make it already le... i dunno...

somehow this whole episode reminded me of... carmen and her bettys in 9th elsewhere...

except that... my betty wun regenerate and appear again...

i'm wishing upon a star for u.... for the three of u guys... i hope ur din die too painfully... and... rest in peace...