Of Smiles and Sunshine

或许，每个人都必须经历痛苦才能前进。

was rereading my old diary.
the diary full of painful memories.
maybe it was to test how well i have healed.
in the end tears were swimming in my eyes but i didn't cry.
good work qy!
the next time i reread this no tears will even form! ^^
jiayou qy!













i remembered how people hurt me because of their own agenda.
i can't blame them for doing the things they do.
i was too kind to them.
despite all the things they did to hurt me,
i didn't even want to hurt them in the least bit.
was i too naive?
so naive that in the end the one so deeply hurt was me alone?

am i still that naive?
so naive that ultimately i'll be the one deeply hurt again?

feelings do fade away with time.
i promised myself i'll love only you for eternity.
but you did all those things that hurt and shattered my heart.
i'm stupid if i continued loving you.
but i lingered for 3 years.
all because of that promise i made?
i wanted to keep to that promise so badly.
but i had to learn there's no such thing as eternity.
the only eternity was the past.

you were kind and nice to me.
you had been sweet to me.
i did make some really nice memories with you.
(though the painful memories left behind was probably much more than the pretty ones)
i know i loved you.
i don't know whether you had loved me back.
it didn't matter.
it doesn't matter.

i want to leave behind the sorrow you left in its wake.
i want to leave behind the pain you left to move on.
i want to break free of the chains i bound myself with.
i want to let go.













to a kind soul, thanks for the big plaster you gave me. ^^ although plasters could only stop wounds from bleeding and can't stop wounds from hurting, i was really touched. ^^

and now it's up to me to stop my scars from hurting.

加油！i can stop your wounds from bleeding but i can't stop them from hurting. but it'll eventually stop hurting with time. till then... hang in there. ^^










jiayou qy!