Of Smiles and Sunshine

somehow... talking with this guy made my walls go up. i don't understand why actually... is it just because i can't fully trust him? i've got no idea...

feeling less depressed now as compared in the morning... though i'm feeling really drained and tired. i seem to see some results of my hard work put in the entire day, so i'm kind of happy now =)

i don't know what i really want. do i want a fulfilling life where i'm so busy i probably don't have the time to stop at all? it feels great when u're always working towards something... but u can't say i want to stop and take a rest here. the situation doesn't allow.

some people might choose to think the opportunity for you to stop and rest can be created. i suppose so, but in my case... i don't want to rest at the expense of the quality of the work i'm doing... so i suppose if i don't get sufficient rest then it's just my fault lmao~~

i don't know if i want things to remain as it is, or for things to cool down. i guess i miss the old times? not as if it's very old either. but i shouldn't do anything isn't it. not when i'm not sure of myself either. i don't know what is it that i truly and really want.

and there's the question of commitment. can i always stay committed to the things i say i would? sometimes i don't know. like for eg. will i be able to participate actively in the band that i just joined? i want to... but i'm going china for the upcoming 6 mths, when i come back i'll be busy with fyp too! so am i stupid to join this heavy external commitment now?

and next... ok lah it's really unrelated. maybe it's all the childish promises we make when we're young and naive. like for eg. a young couple might promise each other to love the other forever. but we know... couples break up easily. so when a couple breaks up... they break their promise of forever love as well... doesn't anyone feel anything for this at all? i'd feel something... it's like betraying that promise you made to yourself and your ex-partner? or am i just thinking too much?

okie dokies... really too tired to think of anything else... shall hit the pillows now =)