Of Smiles and Sunshine

i can't take it anymore... *vomits blood*

3 tutorials per day is really too far a goal for me... i'll die before i attain such a goal...













wasted half a day yesterday slacking with randy... long time we had such a long talk... disturbing each other haha... guess he's the only guy friend i dare to wreck havoc with... talked about a lot of things... like our individual problems... he oso 破财... like me in may... but he only lost 600 cos he had a car accident and banged into this other guy's bumper... problem was... the lousy bumper cost 600 to replace. that was like crazy lah. oh well... hope he isn't too bothered by it now... 600 can earn back fast... at the good thing is no one is hurt... that's the most important... as what i told myself to make me feel better back then... 就当作是破财消灾吧！

then we talked about relationships... he keeps asking me when i'm going to get a boyfriend. who are u ah. my dad ah? so worried abt whether i can get married off or not lmao~ but it's true bah... dun dare to get too close to guys le after all the things that happened... good thing he attached, else i dun think i'm able to tell him all this kind of things like i do now... really thanks for ur concern... but i dun think i wanna get attached now anyway... got so many other things to worry about... like money n studies... who wants to spend their effort and time on something so unstable like love? end up losing all ur time n effort and get urself hurt. no point sia.

but the whole talk made me think about a lot of things... like things that happened in the past... like how that time when we were back in acjc first 3 months... i remembered this all of a sudden and it surprised him! during valentine's day and i didn't know he had a girlfriend then... he bought this bouquet of flowers... and i saw him carrying it. then dunno y he suddenly tries to protect himself and said... this bouquet of flowers is not for u... for my mum. harlow i wasn't even thinking it was for me lah. and when u said this comment it became more suspicious lor. and who buys a bouquet for mothers on valentine's day? even if so fillial buy one stalk good liao... so rich to buy a bouquet somemore... dots.

and of course on the other more... unhappy stuff... like the big event that happened to me before and after a lvls... how he tried to console me when i was at rock bottom... and he said that everything has nothing to do with me... and that the other party was a... ok i quote him haha... a jerk. well the funny thing is... i was feeling quite peaceful after the entire incident... but when he said that and the more i think about it... i feel more 不值 for myself. thinking why i'm so stupid. and that the other party really is a jerk. haha. aiyoh how can i say such a thing abt the "other party". cannot cannot cannot. haiz. the never ending argument in myself...

and that's when the first signs of me falling sick started appearing... i had blocked and runny nose the entire afternoon... kept sneezing... at first i tot who kept thinking of me *aha... bhb!* then the runny nose lasted too long to be just a prank someone tries to play on me haha... so yeaps, i think i'm sick now... not the very sick until want to die kind, but on the verge of falling sick bah.

one good thing about yesterday was that i managed to talk to randy and crap with him the entire afternoon, and i was able to complete 2.5 tutorials after that... before i totally cmi and went home from macs at 10pm... had a good chat with pansy and pey lun as well... that made me quite happy cos the day felt well-spent.

and the funny thing is... my tuition kids do disturb me online! yesterday bobby asked me to watch 2 youtube videos on ms swan from MADtv... make me laugh and cannot go to sleep because in my mind the stupid ms swan kept appearing and talking in her hardly audible voice... and her weird logic LOL... and mark! he actually is on facebook! hahahaha u are so so dead man... i'll bombard u with all the facebook applications invitations hahahahahaha~ but i'm really glad that we're so friendly like friends... ^^ really enjoy crapping with them strangely haha... at least i dun have to worry about whether what i'm doing will make others get the wrong idea blah blah blah...













now all i want is some private time off tutorials and thinking back into the past... to rest up before i really fall sick and vomit blood. after that nap... it's time for ee3003 to DIE!!! DIE U STUPID INTEGRATED ELECTRONICS!!! RAWRRR!!! *attempts to rip apart notes*

ok that's an exaggeration.