Of Smiles and Sunshine

i love you.
but i'm too afraid of being pricked by your thorns so much that i don't dare to stay close to you.













i like doing software programming. it's fun taking a problem apart to solve them in smaller bits, but sometimes debugging them takes millions of years and i simply don't have the time to debug them one by one... especially when you have no idea what exactly went wrong. i struggled between whether to try debug everything in one afternoon or to copy and paste from a past year "sample" program provided by some kinds souls, presumably our seniors lol~ in the end conscience lost LOL how much is conscience worth in this cruel society anyway.

ok i doubt anyone's interested in that technical talk anyway LOL













i love japanese and their culture too. i finally registered for jlpt 3 today and saw lee sensei after like... 4 months? i guess i still like her a lot like last time when she was still my japanese sensei... strangely i can trust her... she's like my mum to me... opps my biological mum dun be upset hor! then we talked a little about the syllabus for jlpt 3... about the summer festival which i couldn't go sadly last sat... haiz. i wish i could have taken japanese lvl 4 under her... but time doesn't allow that. and i have to pull up my grades. haiz i'm in a total dilemna...

so many things i wanna do, so little time. am i just being too ambitious and unrealistic?

i haven't been studying japanese last week... and i'm lagging in tutorials now. what should i do now? drop one of my commitments? like to stop working part time to help ling ling? haiz i'm at a loss...














how about this? i love resting up and napping... but because of my tight schedule... my dark eye bags are starting to show again...














why is it that i love you so much? and yet i can't stay together with the things/people i love?
is it just because i love myself more than anything else?