Of Smiles and Sunshine

i couldn't sleep last night.

restless tossing and turning, listening to the churning of my air-con which usually coaxed me to sleep... they sounded like music to me surprisingly for yesterday night only. reading which usually does its hypnotic effect on me failed terribly too. and no it was not because i was angry like the other instance... i just couldn't understand...

and finally i did drift to dreamland. in my dream, i met someone whom i have not seen nor talked to face to face in a really long while. we were taking a group photo, and that's when the two of us came so close to each other's vicinity in such a long while. then after the photo, the two of us chatted with others like really close friends... which made me quite happy because i could tell he's enjoying himself too. at least for that moment...

and no. it had to be a dream. because such good things wouldn't happen in my real life.

maybe the reason for my insomnia was the manga book i read before i tried to get some rest... "the person he hates most is himself", "you are the only person capable of obtaining your own happiness"... and i look at myself in retrospect... all of a sudden i kind of understand the unrest in me. arguing within me that whatever "good" things that happen are just coincidence, at the "mercy of others"... others who made me happy did it out of their kindness... and i'll push that small happiness away for the fear of its cost that might come along with it... isn't it human nature to want to be happy? why should i even push away my most basic need to want to feel happy?













i feel bad for falling sick on the day of sc and jon's bdae party... i hope i wouldn't be too groggy then when i turn up for the party itself... =S happy birthday to you two in advance! ^^