yes i'll try my best to keep this in mind. particularly hard when you feel upset/uneasy/a little... angry? when people laugh at things precious to you. or even the things that you thought were cool... and others laughed at you thinking that way. that feeling sux.
sometimes i get really irritated by certain individuals trying to fool their way around... thinking it's fun to poke fun at others and things like that. oh well keep irritating me. i felt like slapping them in their faces. but i have to control. take in a deep breath and exhale. this is all part of training for me to learn how to deal with even more irritating people i'll meet with when i enter the working society. so... 忍。
i've got this puking sensation since this morning till now... i wonder why that's so? i can understand if one wants to puke in the morning that's normal morning sickness... but the whole day? plus my stomach felt really funny with occasional searing pain... is there something wrong with my gastric or something? hmmms... i didn't finish my breakfast though... haha.
so yeaps. with the end of dip i shall eat normally. sighz. i think my presentation today was lousy. felt like a free loader throughout the whole project cos i couldn't really see how i can help with my limited knowledge and stuff.. i did try to read up to be able to help... but i'm usually too slow. by the time i'm done with reading up, people already knew what to do to solve their problems. sighz. means i better buck up this holidays and try to absorb as much knowledge as possible. but i wonder if that's possible... so many things i wanted to learn... so little time it seems. haiz. sometimes i wish i could live life without worrying too much about things...
i want to be strong enough for people to be able to depend on me. but i don't want them to be too dependent on me too. sometimes i want to be alone, but i knew it too well i'm too afraid of being lonely. what irony. no one can understand how i truly feel... maybe it'll be good if i never get too close to anyone in the group... or rather, i can't expect them to know how i feel... i don't dare to show them my true feelings too... the guard's somehow always there... due to certain reasons i could probably push them away... but... why should i expose myself to possible hurt if i pushed away my reasons for guarding them? rawr. i knew i had the problem with trust, but it doesn't seem i'm working towards solving that...
should i just focus on my studies next semester and not join that clique and match our timetables? life would be boring without having fun with them too... but sometimes hanging out with them gets on my nerves too... cos we like to pick on certain individuals... i'm guilty of doing that too, and they insist it's cos that individual doesn't mind and that person's just waiting to be shot down by our "malicious" comments... i really wonder if that's the truth... maybe he really minds but just doesn't want to voice it out as he's too nice... i wouldn't do this kind of things in the past... but i do now... which i feel kinda sad for myself... but i wouldn't want to help him out for the fear of others shooting me back. haha what kind of lousy self defense is this.
dip was... boring and fun. had loads of fun and joy with my group mates outside work aspect, had some frustrating time with myself for being unable to produce good end result that contribute to the entire project... but now that it ended... i can go back to having more sleep, and start looking for a job to replenish my nearly depleted bank account... haiz. never ending problems... but that's life. after dip results for the semester would be released soon... tomorrow! and i have a feeling i didn't do that well last semester... my first class honours! haiz... i shouldn't overload again next semester, should i? seems like i took on too much... but there's so many things i wanna learn! i guess i shouldn't be so greedy and spill the contents of my basket by overloading it...
sighz. seems like i can no longer turn to anyone to rant about my problems anymore... i'm afraid of letting people know what i really think these days... people in my school clique... i can't really trust them because of something... others beyond that clique would have no idea how i feel i guess... haha...
moody stuff apart, here's the photos i promised the other day... my photoshooting skills vs my sis's...
my idea of an artistic shot at the east coast beach after i fainted...
vs. my sister's idea of an artistic shot...
this is from my sister's perspective of my mum...
this. is from my perspective...
some other photos taken by the great-o-me...
what a beautiful beach! i wanna go there again...
that's my sis.... looking lame in her cap... she originally had this lion soft toy pinned onto that cap! omgs =S
yeaps... end of my tiny photo sharing session... wished i had taken more photos then... but was interrupted by the sudden downpour... i wanna go to east coast again! =(
last saturday, me my sis plus our parents went to this wedding dinner... felt quite out of place, cos there's no one i know over there... plus the host's father was trying to like... intro plus push me n my sis together with his two sons... -_- and all the aunties there were like asking whether me and my sis are attatched... >_< irritating pple... =( is that the only concern on their minds for younger people... whether they're going to be married soon and things like that? =(
today, i went to mind's cafe with my dip group mates... played some really fun boardgames such as "who's the boss" <-- i think that's the name of the boardgame haha... good thing it costs only $5.50 for the whole afternoon we spent there... i thought it'll be more expensive... sighz... being broke during the holiday season really sux. no money to spend on GSS, can't go out too often or else i'll have no money for the rest of the semester... need to find a job quickly to replenish my depleted bank account... i'm so desperate for money till the extent of... asking pansy to intro one of cc's friends from his network of rich people... >_< of course i was joking lahs lol! but sighz. pressure on me to find boyfriend and to become richer. =( sounds so unlike me.. =(
wow this damn long entry took me more than an hour to type... time to tataz and finish up my dinner with two darn painful ulcers in my mouth... *ouch*
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