Of Smiles and Sunshine

i guess negativity still gets to me at times.

this morning i had the hallucination of having my wrist cut again. -_- and i thought i had snapped out of it... i told myself to get out of it and went to school late again for my project. i did what i had promised my group leader over the weekend but couldn't send it to her during the weekend cos i didn't spot her online, and when she received the file she told me she did it herself already cos she didn't know i was going to do it. dammit. that's more than twice this kind of thing had happened. if u wanna bao ka liao i'm not going to stop u. i wanted to make things easier for you, looks like u don't need it. no point trying to support pple who wanna chiong all the way i suppose. total waste of everybody's time.

it's not anybody's fault. i keep telling myself but it doesn't seem to help. the ineffectiveness of this entire project is really getting on my nerves. it's easy to just do my part and don't care about others. despite how much i hate that. i want to contribute too, but it seems as though i wouldn't get my chance. 1st is the upload cgi thing, then is the project proposal. no one knew abt the upload cgi thing though... no point doing anything cos it's going to be rejected at the end, isn't it? i've tried already... no point being sulky just because what i did isn't incorporated into the end product. i'm used to it anyway... trying to be helpful, only to be tossed away... just like that time 3 years ago. people think i'm too free and tossed all the shit to me. i fought back... because i'm not as free as they thought. harlow you guys didn't even understand that i had specially set aside time just to help u guys out. ungrateful people. i guess they're everywhere. and just because i fought back i guess i made a bad impression on them. fine by me, i don't wanna get involved in this kind of sai kang in the future too.




was watching/reading anime/manga... and came across 2 characters who didn't have the will to live... thinking it's fine to just die by accident since they didn't really have the will to live anyway... no you wouldn't die. because there are people who want you to survive. even against your will... so don't make them sad *at least for those with people who care about you* and do this kind of foolish acts.

no matter how much the world laughs at me... i wouldn't care, as long as i'm true to myself...