Of Smiles and Sunshine

finally... blogger seems to be back to its old self...

sometimes i wonder if i'm just being depressed... as in clinically depressed. i keep thinking of the worst scenarios that can happen to me... like while i'm just walking down the stairs with a bottle *glass bottle to be exact* of snapple, i'll image me tripping down the stairs, and the shards of glass from the broken bottle cutting my face... or when i'm crossing the road or sitting in the car, a terrible car accident will happen... or just me having this big cut across my wrist when i'm just stoning... things like that. sometimes it really bothers me why i'm so plain pessimistic... and others around me can tell me i'm optimistic. the cold hard truth is i'm optimistic about others but not matters regarding myself...

it's easier if you never had expectations at all. in this way you wouldn't suffer when your expectations are not met. i thought this was drilled all the way into my head, but i guess sometimes it just slips my mind. but living in a life with no expectations of any kind seems to be a life without any meaning or motivation. it felt as though i'm just waiting for someone to take my life away from me. maybe i really am. but others can tell me i've got a bright future waiting for me. i'll think : what future? can you see it? what makes you so sure it's bright and not dark? or is there even a future?

i guess being too critical will get you nowhere...

and the thing about my project in school... i feel useless in the group. cos i don't seem to have the knowledge to do things... neither do i have any ideas to input... am i just plain pessimistic cos i felt like i wanna disappear from that lab where everyone seems to be working hard while i'm doing nothing at all? what can i do to make me a more worthy member of a project group?

regarding the blog layout... i'm still trying to figure out how to draw and digitally colour the image... seriously... it isn't as easy as i thought... the character design+costume+background... is simply omgs. now i totally admire and idolize mangakas *people who draw manga*... lol...

alright... that's a short update on my part =)