this shall be my last post before i officially go into the mountains to become a hermit to mug hard n concentrate for my exams.
up till now... i don't even know what i have been doing. for a while these two days i thought i had found my goal... that is to work hard to maintain my gpa, if not increase it... but look at today... i just flunked my two tests... i doubt anyone will believe if i said that infront of my tutorial mates... i don't know how i feel... ashamed? indifferent? worried? i seriously have no idea. for the first time out of 7 questions in physics i only know how to do 2... and i've got the formula list with me somemore?! wth is going on with me? i kinda hate myself now.
i realised i have lost my motivation to study. kinda depressed now... no idea why that's the case, or whatever that's bothering me. maybe it's bad karma for all the bad things i've done this semester and maybe in the past as well. heaven is fair. it rewards those who worked hard enough and "punishes" those who slacked. oh well i admit i slacked quite a lot this sem... i wasn't very serious... and i lost my determination so damn easily. so whoever that's up there... i think they're having a good laugh at me.
reflecting on the day now... i think it sux. first i flunk the two tests... secondly i tripped on a step on the staircase... i malu myself in front of a guy in my class... in addition i think i accidentally strained my ankle... then after that when i went home on the bus i banged my head on the ceiling of the double decker bus. when i reached home i realise that there had been a huge swarm of bees that "invaded" my parent's room... and my parents had spent the afternoon getting rid of that huge hive... but still there were some fly around in my house... when i went home i was damn freaked out by the lone bee in the bathroom... din dare to bathe... the whole house was enclosed... all windows shut in fear of the remaining bees outside my house would come in from the bathroom window... i guess my family got irritated by me for my fear of bees... and i'm the only one in the family squealing with the bees whether dead or alive in wherever i was... sighz. i'm scared of bees. i'm scared of things that fly. i admit i'm selfish cos i don't wana help u guys to "clear" the bees cos i'm scared of those bees... so i'm sorry i can't do anything to help u guys...
geez. i really hate myself.
what's wrong with me?
i don't even have a single idea.
just that... maybe there's too much things running around in my head now... i don't even know how to sort them out properly.
am i happy? sad?
maybe i'm just lost.
procrastinating wouldn't help! for goodness sake. stop it!
i think i'm going hysterical.
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