World is Mine!

Somehow this song reminds me of a certain someone... =X



ワールドイズマイン

世界で一番おひめさま
そういう扱い心得てよね

その一いつもと違う髪形に気が付くこと
その二ちゃんと靴まで見ることいいね？
その三わたしの一言には三つの言葉で返事すること
わかったら右手がお留守なのをなんとかして！

別にわがままなんて言ってないんだから
キミに心から思って欲しいのかわいいって

世界で一番おひめさま
気が付いてねえねえ
待たせるなんて論外よ
わたしを誰だと思ってるの？
もう何だかあまいものが食べたい！
いますぐによ

欠点？かわいいの間違いでしょ
文句は許しませんの
あのね？私の話ちゃんと聞いてる？ちょっとぉ…
あ、それとね？白いおうまさん決まってるでしょ？
迎えに来て
わかったらかしずいて手を取って「おひめさま」って

べつにわがままなんて言ってないんだから
でもね少しくらい叱ってくれたっていいのよ？

世界でわたしだけのおうじさま
気が付いてほらほら
おててが空いてます
無口で無愛想なおうじさま
もうどうして！気が付いてよ早く

ぜったいキミはわかってない！わかってないわ…

いちごの乗ったショートケーキ
こだわりたまごのとろけるプリン
みんなみんな我慢します…
わがままな子だと思わないで
わたしだってやればできるもん
あとで後悔するわよ

当然です！だってわたしは

世界で一番おひめさま
ちゃんと見ててよねどこかに行っちゃうよ？
ふいに抱きしめられた急にそんなえっ？
「轢かれる危ないよ」そう言ってそっぽ向くキミ
…こっちのが危ないわよ

doubt.

what is it that i really want to do?

standing at the crossroads, i realized that i have totally no idea.

listening to you guys talking about the ideas you wish to carry out in your own projects, i was awed by how focused you guys are. you know what idea you want to enforce, and you even planned out the tiny steps to take to accomplish the bigger goal.

what do i really want to do?

i just wanted to write stories, and investigate methods that would attract consumers to my ideas.

then what am i doing here?

who exactly am i?

what do i really want to do?

once again, i'm doubtful of my qualities to fulfill my dream.

resolve

suddenly, it felt strangely lonely.

to be working on an assignment that i didn't really feel like doing.

while the rest of the world seemed to be out there enjoying themselves.

am i really up to this?

i seem to lack all the things that is required for my dream to be realized.

am i really suitable?

is my passion perceived just some half hearted and short lived feeling?

so many things to do,

yet seemingly so little time.

and yet i spend the limited time i have on my hands procrastinating...

取舍

我终于明白，人不可以太贪心；好的朋友与好的情侣当中只能二选一。

虽然我非常想要在这两者当中取得平衡，但终究还是得做出取舍。

为了你，我觉得一切都是值得的。

为了你，我会不惜一切地维护我们的感情。

fear.

what is there to fear, when you have done nothing wrong?
what is there to fear, when there is nothing you could do anyways?



why can't things remain as simple as how it first started out?

defense of the... sotong?

it is easy for strangers to become friends.
it is also easy for one to develop fondness for another within just a minute.

but.
there's always a line that one should not step over.
especially when you may not know the other person very well.
even more so when you know that you are not supposed to step over that line.

the first time you step over the line, i can take it that it's by accident.
the second time you do that, i can pretend that it didn't happen.
the third time it happens... i'm sorry, i have to do something to let you know.

although i have no intention of hurting anyone, for self-defense, i'm afraid i have to take this course of action.

maths vs. logic

i love maths logic.

merry-go-round

i remember a few days back i was wondering whether the happiness i hold, or the laughter i have now, would eventually vanish.

"there is no such thing as happiness [that lasts] forever."
"instead of wishing for something impossible, why not work towards prolonging hapiness such that it'll last so long that it's almost forever?"

those words ring in my head now.
the very words i said to motivate someone else.

the answer was within me all along. ^^

「思い出は億千万」

子供の頃　やった事あるよ　色あせた記憶だ
紅白帽頭に　ウルトラマン　ウルトラマンセブン

子供の頃　懐かしい記憶　カレーとかの時に
銀のスプーン目にあて　ウルトラマン　ウルトラマンセブン

でも今じゃそんな事も忘れて
何かに追われるように毎日生きている

振り返っても（忘れていたアルバムの中に）
あの頃には（馬鹿やってる自分）
戻れない（友達と笑って）　ウルトラマン　ウルトラマンセブン

今あいつら　どこに居るの？　何をしているの？
答えはぼやけたままで　ウルトラマン　ウルトラマンセブン

でも今じゃそんな事も忘れて
何かに追われるように毎日生きている

君がくれた勇気は　億千万　億千万
過ぎ去りし季節は　ドラマティック

子供の頃　やったことあるね
雑誌に付いてきた3Dメガネかけ　ウルトラマン　ウルトラマンセブン

大人になり忘れてた記憶
蘇る鮮やかに腕でL字作り　ウルトラマン　ウルトラマンセブン

でも今じゃそんな事も忘れて
何かから逃げるように毎日生きている

振り返っても（古ぼけた日記帳開き）
あの頃には（色褪せたページには）
戻れない（初恋の娘の名前）　ウルトラマン　ウルトラマンセブン

ただあの頃振り返る　無邪気に笑えた
汚れも知らないままに　ウルトラマン　ウルトラマンセブン

でも今じゃそんな事も忘れて
何かから逃げるように毎日生きている

見過ごしてた景色は　億千万　億千万
過ぎ去りし季節は　グラフィティ

君がくれた勇気は　億千万　億千万
過ぎ去りし季節は　ドラマチィック

care and concern.

i accidentally came across a blog post from someone i don't know at all... and he/she's clinically depressed. it reminded me of the ... not so distant past...

if i had felt (more) care and concern from the people around me then, would i have recovered quicker?

but then again, was i even clinically depressed?

i was just drifting around.
living in self pity.
drowning in those painful memories.
hurting myself again and again to numb myself.

i wonder if people who know me now would believe i was once pessimistic and simply waiting for the end to come... hallucinating myself with slit wrists and fantasizing about the most painless way of dying...

thinking back to those days brings tears to my eyes.
why did i had to drop into that abyss?
there were so many people around me that were worried about me.
i had not noticed their presence at all.
i brushed off their concern.
i felt that no one could truly understand how i felt.

even now i feel the same way.
how could others feel the way you do if they had never experienced the exact same thing as you did?
but, their concern cannot be erased just because of this.

if i can, i would do all i can to help pull those who are struggling to get out of the abyss...
so that they would not have to endure the long hard years just like i did...

to the one that's struggling now...
i doubt you would be reading this,
but i want to let you know, you are never alone.
it is good that you are aware of your condition.
do not reject it.
do not reject yourself.
do not reject others as well.
go ask your family or friends for a hug.
open up and talk to people.
it is ok to feel negative now.
but never forget, good things will eventually happen.
that is, if you work hard and keep ur spirits up.
jiayous!

ok sorry i think i sounded as though i am preaching. hees.

programming overdose

i dreamt that me and my classmates are to draw a triangle, and we're going around classrooms trying to obtain and transport the data required to draw our object. (eg. vertex location, colour etc.)

omg.

...

i know ur just poking fun at me.
but i'm still a little mad about it.
hmph. still dare hang up on me.
RAWRRRRRS.



ok lars i'm just sulking in my tiny little world. pls don't mind me.

もっと、もっと。。。

日本語で書くこともう何月ぶりだね～日本語は下手になって、ちょっと書く見よかな。。。



今週は災厄だ。お腹が悪くて、毎日痛くて、宿題は何もできなかった。毎日４８時間があればいいな～



「もっと君と一緒の時間を作りたくて、もっとやさしくなりたいんだ。」

君は私が来ないことに失望そうだ。
本当にごめんね。
来週ちゃんと時間を作るから、もうちょっと待っててね。

indifference vs intimacy

at times, i'm bursting mad that i start to fire my gatling gun non-stop.
at times, i'm so happily immersed in my tiny little world.
at times, i feel so in love and so loved by you.
at times, i'm just so insensitive and say things that disappoint you.



sometimes i wonder. why should i even care? i mean, it's totally none of my concern how wishy washy other pple can be... but the moment i see one making a decision, and then hesitating, or even being totally clueless when trying to lead a team... it just makes me want to explode. i know it's totally none of my business but yet i still care.

i wish i was back in my little invisible glass container. and watch all these things pass by me.



yet. i wish i could be more sensitive to your needs. and have a better memory to keep all the things you've told me in my brain. so that i wouldn't forget a single detail when conversing with you. so that you wouldn't be disappointed with me when you realize i've forgotten...

happy 13th month. ^^

忘れないで～

someone from the class seems to be leaving for better prospects... though i wasn't close to him, somehow i felt sad... sad that i didn't spend more time interacting with him before he makes his decision to leave...

he left to find a job in the games industry i guess... i'm happy for him, but the reasons he left lingered in my mind... and i actually faltered with my resolution when i decided to take up this course. he felt the "lecturers" teaching us was underqualified, which was quite a valid issue since he had graduated with masters, and the people teaching us were taking their masters now. and after class today, i was quite upset, as i felt the lecturer today wasn't even sure of the things he taught. this really started me thinking a little more down the path he chose... although the bond would have to be broken, i guess there's nothing much that can be done once your heart and mind is set.

やりたい事を忘れないで。

please... stay focused.

i am here because i want to, and i have things which i want to accomplish here.

juggling...

School has started for 2 weeks already! Things are fun at school (though some might not think this way haha) well, i get to learn something new everyday, and i get to play with people! But the time i have for myself is considerably much lesser. I wake up early to go to school much earlier than the rest of my classmates for various reasons, such as to play games with derek, or to teach tiffany maths... There's nothing wrong with that, I do enjoy spending time with them, but in retrospect... I'm afraid... afraid I have no time for myself, afraid i might drift away from kt, especially since we're both so busy with our lives now. With all the assignments and tutorials I have to complete, plus my tuition and things like that, we must still set aside time for ourselves to meet with our own friends.

They say absence makes the heart fonder... but in my case... it makes my heart... wonder... if we'll still be able to remain as close as before...

no matter how pretty it looks, it doesn't matter if it is rotten inside.

it sure is hard to draw a picture and get it onto my computer using just a camera.




it felt as though the dementors had paid me a visit earlier.
i guess it's really hard to stay cheerful.
i'm sorry. maybe i'm just not that good enough.

goodbye ice and snow!

welcome smiles and sunshine!!! ^^

ダリア
アンジェラ・アキ

初めて愛した人は　なかなか忘れられない
庭に咲いているダリア見て思い出すの
あの頃は初々しく　二人とも背伸びをして
大人ぶった約束を口にしていた

夜遅くてもあなたの帰り　起きて待っていた
どんな小さな出来事さえも　報告していた

「花言葉が『優雅』だから君に似合うよ」って
あなたは赤いダリア買ってくれたね
何もない部屋の中で咲き誇るダリアは
二人の愛を彩るシンボルだった

初めて嘘つかれた日　なかなか立ち直れなくて
赤いダリアの花びら　少しちぎった

あなたが描く理想の人に　私はなれなくて
他の誰かに二人の未来　奪われたけれど

花言葉が『移り気』だと知っていたならば
心を守る事ができただろうか
「僕にはもう無理だ」とあなたはつぶやいた
二人の愛が壊れる瞬間だった

ララ　ダリア　ララ　ダリア

荷物をまとめ　飛び出してから　振り返らずに来た
年を重ねて　傷の痛みがなくなった今も

「花言葉が『優雅』だから君に似合うよ」って
あなたの声がたまに聞こえてくるの
この世界のどこかであなたは暮らしている
私の事もたまに思い出すのかな

花言葉が何であろうと　ダリアはずっと
二人の愛を彩る思い出の花
最初の愛を彩る思い出の花

ララ　ダリア　ララ　ダリア

初めて愛した人は　なかなか忘れられない
庭に咲いているダリア見て思い出すの

thanks for today, i had loads of fun!


poor mermaid (face blurred) that's stranded on the beach... lolx!













i pray that things would go smoothly for you tomorrow! ^^