君が空だった

君が空だった

美郷あき

迷わないでと言えなかった
届かない想いおある
淋しすぎる笑顔がゆれて
傷をなぞった　Lonely good-bye

情熱さえ痛むよ
永遠のかけら追いけて
君が空だった　夢だった
燃えてかける日々を。。。

忘れない思い出にして
その胸を飾ればいい
Search for my life　またいつか会えるね
透明な瞳を愛してたよ
今はそれぞれの道　進む゛RESTARTING゛

分かり合えずに　奥に眠る
君の弱さや辛さへ触れてしまった
愚かなほど好きだったのい　Time is over

抱きしめてよ
心が消えてしまいそうで怖くて
しがみついた夜に星だけが
私達を見てた。。。

時の中　さだめに巻かれ
舞う羽が願う明日へ
Wishin' for my love　美しく飛ぶから
そっと微笑んできすをして
どこに消えてゆくの？　優しい声

見上げれば君が空だった
舞う羽が夢だったよ
Wishin' for my love　美しく飛ぶから
駆け抜けた青の時代を
忘れない思い出にして
その胸を飾ればいい
Search for my life　またいつか会えるね
透明な瞳を愛してたよ
今はそれぞれの道　進む　゛RESTARTING゛

我想。。。有些事是不需要理由的。

对一个人好。。。不一定需要理由。。。或许。。。如果一个人对你好，而你感到内疚，那你唯一能做的就是对他好一点吧。。。

说什么独立。。。

其实，当一个人习惯依靠别人，就无法再单靠自己的力量来完成任何一件事。

你可能说不要依靠一个人。。。尝试改变，但后来就会发现。。。原来你只是不再依赖他，而是依赖别人了。

y isn't anything going the right way?

or maybe i'm the one who's going the wrong way.

lost

been feeling down since... probably yesterday afternoon... no idea y...

perhaps... it's the realisation that...

i'm lost again.













y am i here? am i here because i want to be? or is it because i had no goal, so i drifted onto this path before me?

just like what junyi was commenting... yah i guess ur right... i probably have no talent to become an engineer... should have taken some other subject shouldn't i... or maybe juz drop out of uni totally and get married and no need to use brain. be some bimbo out there...

no that's not me...

i've got no idea what i'm doing now. i'm not focused on studying... i can't be playing my uni life away spending every single minute of my life when i'm not sleeping on dota servers or on some rpg fantasy... fantasizing how great my life is with those pple who are conceived by humans themselves and do not exist in reality. i'm reliant on pple more than i should be... and somehow i dun understand y i keep sticking to them like some sticky plaster which cannot be flung off. -_- i hate that feeling. i'm independent. i was once independent. but now? what the heck happened to me.
















i'm a girl. no i'm not. no girls like to waste their time on msn the moment they reach home... how many girls u see cheonging game all day long? girls are supposed to play with dolls... be bitchy gossipy and go shopping all day long... or girls can stay at home to learn cooking or stitching or do some other feminine stuff. who am i then? tomboyish? but there are parts of me that are not like a guy at all... like guys like to keep it cool and keep things to themselves... but i'm juz like a hot headed little child who can't keep her own secrets (but can keep others' lolz)

and most importantly.... which insane girl takes engineering. -_-













okok i know now society is more open about this... supposedly... more and more girls taking engineering... so i suppose that's okies... but the old conception of engineering are meant for guys still lingers around... not that i'm saying it's discrimination... perhaps it's true then...

maybe i feel disheartened cos... whenever i got probs with my hw last time i could ask my classmates... they'll help one another... but now? when i got prob with hw... pple juz say... tml tutor will go through... so... we go there tml to copy answer lo... yar ur right... but... i juz have the feeling pple can't be bothered to do their tutorials... pple can't be bothered to help those around them... i dunno y i get this feeling maybe i'm wrong... or so i hope...

then i hear from pple like xiaoli how they help each other in their school work... everybody there's so pumped up about studying that they'll ask each other how to do tutorials before lessons.... stuff liddat...

maybe i shouldn't have drifted here...

or maybe i came here by choice. a rather bad choice i'll admit now...

what the hell have i been doing since i left hc?













u're truly gone from my life... my eagerness... motivation to work hard... the passion to keep things going... everything's gone... and i can't find myself...

someone pls pick me up and set me going again... someone pls tell me what i should do...

someone? so i'll end up depending on others.

i'll probably be the first to admit i'm here because of others.













it's ironical that at the end of my 1 week break... i feel... tireds... and no amount of sleep can make it up anymore... i guess no one can help me... not even you.

i had a sad dream.

but before that dream, i have to describe my mooncake tasting trip yesterday... was rather excited about it... cos my sis was complaining that mid autumn festival so near le but there's not a single mooncake in our house at all. so my mum decided on this mooncake tasting trip... so that we can eat as many samples as we liked without having to pay... economically this was a rational choice... but morally.... that's a different story.

but heck about the morality of this trip... we had a... rather good time... we went to taka at ard 1+ and started tasting all sorts of mooncakes... there were... hagen dazs ice cream mooncakes... *makes my mouth water* this cranberry fruit mooncake which i got hooked on.... and this mango mooncake that's made from pure mango *duhhz* but it tasted like the real fruit... wahaha... and of course the usual... green tea... custard... black seasame... yam... white lotus paste blah blah blah... eat until i got so sick of the sweet stuff...

and at the fair... everyone else there... mostly those older aunties *i almost called them obasan... hahaha* were like... rushing to the counters for samples... eating them like siao as though eating less they'll have less flesh on their body... then some pushing here and there for samples.... -_-

but i had fun at the trip... :P after being sick for so long... *been coughing as though i got tb for like 3 weeks* i finally got to eat ice cream!!! XD i think my sis was quite pissed at me cos i kept whining to her abt how i crave ice cream when i saw the venetia counter at the fair... and after my mum let me eat *of course i ownself pay wahaha* i continued pestering her to help me decide on the flavour i should eat... hahaha.. and stupid me asked the girl at the counter whether there are like... 3 or 4 flavour cup when she only has max of 2 flavours per cup... wahahaha... -_-

in the end i settled for rum & raisin and raspberry *i din know i had a thing for sour stuff... hehe* and was eating it happily as though i juz entered heaven... then went to rejoin my mum and sis at this stall with all the pickled vege... when... my mum accidentally brushed against this bottle near the edge of the table and the whole bottle juz crashed onto the floor... the stall attendant immediately came and started clearing up the mess... and a small group of pple gathered to watch *ahh all these kaypo pplez... so like human behaviour*

then my mum whispered to me *cos i was nearer to her* let's go...

i was quite... shocked bah.... oh well... i did thought of that... *guilty* budden i thought a better way to resolve this would be to claim responsibility for wad happened though this was an accident to pay for the broken object... economically that was a stupid action... obviously if u juz walked off no one would catch u in the act and demand that u pay... but if i did that i'll be quite bothered by it for the rest of the day... but then... my mum chose to walk off like that... 1st thought that came to my mind was... what sort of example is she setting us? 2nd... should i go back and pay for the broken bottle of pickled vege? all these felt so trival... but i was quite bothered for the whole day though i probably wasn't aware...

i accidentally voiced this out to my sis abt the 1st thought i had... i admit it wasn't a nice thought... then my sis stared at me and juz kept quiet for like the rest of 1 quarter of the trip... then my mum went to this other stall and pissed the stall attendant off by insisting that she wanna buy 1 snow skin mooncake instead of the stall selling minimum 2 snow skin mooncakes... *oh well... actually it's cos of me... i wanted to eat the snow skin black seasame mooncake... =X* and the two of them argued until i got a bit frustrated... if i were her i'll have given in and bought another snow skin mooncake to avoid the argument... but my mum insisted that our house i was the only one who ate snow skin mooncake... *hey i think the others would eat oso lor only that u're imposing this hidden rule on them* and the stall attendant said something along that line too... haha...

in the end the transaction ended quite unhappily with my mum buying the solo black seasame mooncake and the stall attendent juz put the mooncake on a uncovered plastic holder and put it in the plastic bag... i wondered if the stalls could be a little more flexible... and i wondered if it'll be better to have avoided the argument by simply purchasing 2 mooncakes... haiz... but nevertherless i got more upset at my mum...

then we went for toilet break.. *or at least my mum did* then me and my sis *she hasn't spoken a thing since i bugged her abt ice cream and gave the comment abt my mum* both of us went to this shop which sells loads of jap stuff... clothes... soft toys... and sunglasses... she picked up one and put it on... and i commented she looked like chanel from jue dui superstar... and then she commented... get it for me lor... hahaha...

then my mum and sis went home while i went toa payoh for tuition...








and now... onto my dream... i feel somehow it had to do with my day... the unhappiness towards my mum... the solitaire mystery book i read before i slept... my life as a uni student... blah blah blah...

i think i dreamt about the future... not that i was aware in the dream itself... i dreamt that... it was national day... at first i was in shianchi's house... chatting happily with her... i dreamt i had a small red car... those lao pok kind... i knew how to drive but i sux at it... and kelvin who had once hitched a ride on the car commented how lousy my driving was... wahahaha!!!

and the most important thing... my mum was no longer around...

instead... perhaps my mum had died... then my dad stopped working... started drinking... hated all women in the world until he met this girl who somehow managed to calm him down and make him smile.. yes he remarried again... but died a few years later... this new stepmum... i couldn't say she's a great woman --- in fact she was so horrible that she threw me my sis and my brother out of the house straight after my dad left this world... yeap... so we were homeless... and i had my small little red car...

i was at this arcade play ddr alone... i placed my wallet, and handphone on the machine and started playing... when this indian walking by all of a sudden grabbed my wallet! i immediately stopped playing and ran after the indian... i shouted on the top of my voice to let those around us hear that he took my wallet and demanded he return it to me... he said what? what wallet? that's my wallet... and i was like... ha... if it's ur wallet take it out and show everyone wad's inside... and he somehow switched my wallet in his hand with his own wallet... as though it's some magic trick... and everyone looked at me as though i was some crazy girl who was homeless and desperate for money... and so i lost my wallet with about 80 bucks my ezlink and my ic...

how could the world be this unfair? i thought silently to myself... i didn't cry then... but probably cos it was only a dream... if it really happened to me in real life i would have juz broke down and cried...

then i went back to my car... met up with my bro and sis and we went to visit our step mum's home... i had one more step sister... she was about 2 years younger than my brother if i didn't remember wrongly... i had something to tell her from uni... from the uni professors and stuff... so the three of us stood outside the house...waiting for her to reach home... we sat on the stairs outside the house... and started cooking maggie noodles to eat... it didn't occur to me then... but now that i think of it... y did things turn out that way? it seemed so... pitiful... national day... festival leh... supposed to be happy day and yet we were so pitiful no home to return to...

and so my step sis returned and once she saw the three of us at the door she gasped and immediately shooed us away while she opened the door and went in and shut the door without letting us in... i protested and said i had something to tell her from our uni... and she said... well u can always call my house... she was being difficult in my opinion cos i had already arrived at her house i juz wanted to talk to her to deliver a message and there she was telling me to call her house when i was juz outside... wad did me and my siblings do to deserve such hatred from her? and from our step mum? i had no idea...

but i didn't give up... so i started shouting outside the door.. telling her wad happened at lectures... the interesting interesting bits of things which got her interested... and she surprisingly... opened the door to ask for what happened next... and then she blushed... and said quietly... alright come in but dun let my mum know i let u in... i entered and finished my business there with her... and thought... perhaps the reason y our step sis din let us in was cos our step mum kept indoctrinating her about hate towards us... never let us into their house... stuff like that... while she personally didn't really agree... but she had to comply cos our step mum was her real mum...

and then i wondered y issit that my dad could fall in love with such a horrible woman... a woman that's horrible to his kids...

and all of a sudden my handphone rang... it's the mum of my tutee whom i had stood outside the door of their house for 1 hour when i juz gave up and left... she called up to tell me that she wanted to cancel yesterday's tuition cos her daughter was home late... and she had the nerve to call me now when i waited 1 hour outside the door? wad's the point of calling then. maybe she's scared i'll charge her for the lesson yesterday?

i got skeptical at all the people in my dreamworld. y are all the people there so self centered? i juz couldn't believe it...

and with that... i drove our little red car out of the carpark near my step mum's house to decide where me and my siblings should spend for the rest of the holiday...













and then i woke up and realised that my life in reality was so much better than life in my dream... that my mum was so nice to me despite all the little trival things i disagree with her now... and i silently pray that what happened in the dream was not a foresight of what's going to happen in the future... it's a scary dream alright... but i couldn't believe i could dream of something so detailed like that... i could probably write a book about this single dream itself... haha.... n considering i dream every night by the end of my life i'll probably have written more than 5000 books from my dreams each night... lolz!

and on a side note... wow this entry took me 1 hour to type.. -_- and so i have 1 less hour to cheong for my tutorials... -_- back to reality, sotongz... -_-

if only i have not made the choice to go somewhere else...

if only i had not met u.

i'd rather have continued to stay where i was...

and need not undergo such joy and pain of knowing u.

i'll probably still be stumbling around, just like myself.

and would not daze off in the middle of huge exciting conversations.

i would have been much happier...

though i admit it really made my heart warm when i see you

i would probably be chatting with huge groups of friends...

and would not be crying late in the night

i might be smiling more...

but can't help to look to see if ur smiling with me

pple might be happier without me around...

and you probably wouldn't have those false smiles pasted on your face everytime you meet our friends

i wish there was never me...

and i wished i could still remember the wonderful memories i had with you

but time passes and i am beginning to forget...

all your smiles, the little things you did that made me happy

the reason for me to be happy...


is because you are happy

i am happy now. i really am.

but are you? if you are then everything's worth it.

i wish others aren't so nice to me.

i'm not worth it.

i wish i wouldn't bring trouble to those around me.

i wish i wouldn't make you upset.

in the end i always did.

in the end, i realised we're not in each others' future.

and so... maybe... it's better off without me.

wishing all the best to you

wishing all the best to everyone out there...

feeling slightly better today.... was having a fever yesterday and kept popping panadol... pon lectures in the morning yesterday to get more sleep so today bo bian unless super ultra sick or else muz go lecture in the morning... despite sleeping late last night cos cannot get to sleep.. somehow i woke up super early in the morning and was 1 of the first few to reach the lt... zZz....

boring lectures as usual... but the journey home was kinda frustrating... cos feeling a bit tireds le... den at interchange waiting for 945 the bus took so long *like probably 20min to come* and i got quite fed up lar... cos i wanted to go home and sleep badly before my tuition laters.... at that point in time i was seriously thinking of going to their office there to complain... hahaha... so now i finally realise y some pple like to complain alot... hahaha...

on the bus... saw these 4 boys... think sec 1 bah... quite small size... overheard their conversation which was quite furnies... okies boys and gurls, ladies and gentlemen.... point ur right finger to ur stomach and say M.... next move ur finger up a little and say T... then continue moving ur finger up all the way to ur forehead and keep repeating the words M and T...

since the bus took such a long time to come... the bus was really crowded... at the first stop everybody was squeezed like packed sardines and more primary school students boarded the bus... then there was this really loud auntie whose hair was juz starting to turn white... as the bus started moving she started complaining infront of another 4 hillgrove sec boys... 现在的年轻人啊。。。已经不懂得什么势礼貌了。。。巴士挤，年轻人坐、老人站。。。 then one of the hillgrove boys was like buay tahan... started saying... 好啦。。。让你坐吧。。。 and the 阿婆 said... 坐哪里？坐你的腿？ then the guy quite pissed off by the way the 阿婆 say things ar... den he replied...放屁~ and the 阿婆 said... 哇。。。很臭！

dunno y lar... i was kinda pissed by that 阿婆 cos 1. she no need talk so loudly on the whole bus until everybody can hear... 2. pple nice to u when u complain pple let u take seat then u still act hard to please for wad. -_- seriously speaking... if i were the guy i juz pretend i ang mo dun understand wad she say lar... and btw... when she talk abt 年轻人坐、老人站 she ownself admit she old hor. and her hair wasn't totally white lor... so she wasn't that old... -_-

budden the hillgrove guy shouldn't have said 放屁 lar... that's being disrespectful...

but seriously speaking... if anyone were to meet with such a situation how would u react? hmms... that's something i'm pondering now... -_-

aniwae... in the end... i got off at the next stop... so the 阿婆 squeeze all the way to my seat there and sat down... so i guess everything was resolved... -_-

you don't need to die to be forgotten...

------------------------------------------------------------

the flu bug is quite contagious these days... pple start coughing and sneezing during tutorials classes *which is the only class i had todae* and after sitting beside shing yeong last thurs... poor meng bin on her left was in quite a bad shape today... sneezing and blowing his nose as though as he's a girl crying after watching some korean drama... and to her right... was me... with a terrible sore throat... and the next target shall be...... heh...

supposedly cos of our 50th anniversary.... lessons are cancelled in the afternoon... and it took me 1 hour to travel to school, less than 1 hour of econs tutorial... and 2 hours to get home cos everybody was trying to squeeze onto the 179 bus and rush home on their early day off... -_- got stranded on ntu campus for 1 hour lo.. that's record breaking...

this is NOT the optimal equilibrium, according to the principle of economics... since the opportunity cost of me turning up for econs tutorial far outweighs the benefit i gain from it... (since i only gain less than 1 hour worth of knowledge and lose 3 hours of precious time) by cost benefit principle which is a fundemental concept in economics i should make the most rational choice of poning econs tutorial. so i shouldn't have turned up in school todae... and tell my econs tutor that i'm simply applying knowledge i learnt in econs to my everyday life and in fact he should award me for having mastered this concept. ha~

and when i reached home... yuchun came online and asked me whether i was going for the 50th anniversary celebrations talk of some sort... with lee hsien loong coming as guest speaker... and actually we were supposed to turn up or something... i was puzzled cos i wasn't informed or anything... then she asked me... y u think our afternoon lessons were cancelled for? and i replied... for us to go home lor... heh~ the irony is that she was oso at home at the point in time when she was chatting with me... hahahaha~

yar. that's school life for u. -_-

你快乐吗？

你说你不快乐。

说什么。。。想拥有自由、做出自己喜欢的选择。。。结果最后整天唠叨。。。说得不到幸福。。。其实幸福就在你身旁，只是你连看都不看它一眼。。。继续沉浸在自我同情中。。。

那着跟你当初下定决心，离开伤心地时的你有什么分别？干脆不用作出任何举动。。。继续留在苦海中。这不是你。真正的你是个我行我素、不让周围的人影响的你。那又何必装难过呢？是想博取别人的同情？还是博取自己的同情？

或许你说我没资格说你。没资格有怎样？就像你一样。。。我爱说什么就说。这就是我的性格。就好像你。。。爱说话的时候才开口，不想说的时候就保持沉默，从不须顾虑到别人的感受。这种生活多么轻松。。。就算被别人丢丑鸡蛋也无所谓。。。因为这就是你。这也就是我。

我也终于明白为什么我会如此在乎。。。原来我们是那么不同，却又是那么相同。要是没有遇见你，那该多好。。。

forever like that
nothing ever changes
it's just him
or maybe it was me
being too noisy
as usual
just like that
we're always like that
nothing more, nothing less
moving forward brings pain
stepping back brings sorrow
frozen in the stagnant world
staring at how the sun rises and sets each day
looking at how places age with time
unmoving, unfeeling
unable to do a thing

u're right
i can't forget
those happy and sad memories
what about u
perhaps we're both the same
limiting ourselves to make ourselves feel better
telling ourselves we're trying to spare others of pain
but in actual fact denying how we're afraid to be hurt again
and so we stay stuck up in our facades
building the wall around us
on one hand hoping someone would be able to break through
on the other hand constantly shutting those who come close

loneliness shouldn't be a reason why people are together
love shouldn't arise from trial and error of partners
too many sad endings too little smiles
how many relationships actually survive the trial of time?
i'm sick of hearing sad stories
we want more happy endings
just like those soap operas
where all couples live happily ever after
where all tears cease to flow
where all rainy days end with a huge rainbow across the sky

i shouldn't have raised my voice
it wasn't your fault
i just couldn't let go
the pain's too great
but that's not an excuse
it's not justified
i must have hurt u quite a bit
i just couldn't hold my temper
pls forgive me my dear friend

いま、会いにゆきます

after so much struggle... saying how romance movies should never be watched alone but with either your loved one or ur closest friends...

i finally gave up and bought the vcd and watched at home alone. -__-

the title of the movie is called いま、会いにゆきます, translated to chinese 借着雨点说爱你, translated to english be with you... and even though i knew the entire plot cos i pester my kor to tell me... in the end it was a great movie nevertherless... made me cry like a crybaby... once the movie started my tears started rolling liao... quite embarrassing... so... oh well... good thing i watched alone... hehehe~

it had been a long time since i had been so absorbed by a movie or anything... i usually start munching on tidbits non-stop once i start watching a show but this time i left the food alone... lolz... besides... it's a long time since i teared for a good movie... =) not cos it's time to cry cos it's a sad ending... but cos it's so beautiful yet so... 凄美... so my 眼泪像一个关不上的水龙头流个不停... then my mum was nagging at me while i was crying at the movie... -_- quite contradictory lar.... siandeds... should have watched in theatre or something... =(













and finally todae i reached to a conclusion on certain stuff... like when and who are allowed on movie dates... (hahaha~) and heartiest wishes to the couples out there... to be with each other till death do they part... =)

stop probing about my private life. if you have not been told directly by me it means 1. i don't want others to know and 2. you have no need to know. so stop questioning me. you wouldn't grow 10cm taller or grow more handsome/chio when u know all the juicy juicy bits of my life. besides it doesn't concern you a single bit. so juz buzz off and leave me alone.

and those people who can decide to dao other pple's sms juz cos they don't want to fulfil what they had said before... i've got nothing to say. at least an excuse would make things better, but oh well, if that's the way you view your "promise" and your friendship i'm sad for you cos u'll probably lose some friends in the process.













ya i'm tired of all those hypocritical stuff. what is it of friendship now? it makes me more convinced of what i thought of friendship beforehand though i would love to have been proven wrong. then i guess... that's... juz too bad.

so juz let me live in my secluded drain and dun come and disturb me. -_- when the rain has cleared then maybe i'll consider coming out.

爱情主义

爱情主义
--- 张荣华


现实的人的爱情观

如果爱情有个保用期限，那会是多长呢？
如果爱情在保用期变质，那又该找谁算帐？
如果我身上只剩$10，我会把一半分给你，另一半留给自己。


浪漫主义的人的爱情观

如果爱情有个保用期限，那会是永远。
如果爱情在保用期变质，那是不可能发生的事。
如果我身上只剩$10，我会花$9.95买一朵玫瑰花；再用剩下的$0.05 SMS 一句“我爱你”。


懒惰的人的爱情观

如果爱情有个保用期限，那就别爱吧!
如果爱情在保用期变质，那就别爱吧！
如果我身上只剩$10，那就别爱吧！


本地人的爱清观

如果爱情有个保用期限 - 爱情有不是电器，要保用期来干嘛？
如果爱情在保用期变质 - 那就算你“衰”咯。
如果我身上只剩$10 - 那我会到ATM按多一点钱出来。

如果云是天空的呼吸
风是我慌张的叹息
回忆是爱的延续
只因为你和我已经不在一起

当我们同在一起 在一起在一起

空气里有午后的暖意
我听着沙沙收音机
突然间下起了雨
雨让我好想好想你想抱着你
当我们同在一起 在一起在一起
在一起在一起其快乐无比
-
你是我曾经的甜蜜
我是你爱情的过去
那一段美好的记忆
我们都不能够忘记
因为我很爱很爱你
所以能微笑着离去
虽然我不会在见你
幸福是我们曾经在一起
----
空气里有午后的暖意
我听着沙沙收音机
唱什么听不清晰
因为我傻傻的笑着
想起了你
当我们同在一起 在一起在一起
在一起在一起其快乐无比

为什么。。。

都相隔这么久了。。。为什么还会回想过去？

回到过去是不可能的。我们只能继续往前走。。。

请你带我离开。。。请你安抚我那颗无法平静下来的心。

how far will ur principles take you to? how much will u stick to your own ideals as time goes by?

sometimes... as times go by, your ideals no longer "stand" in the current society... people may view your principles as being old-fashioned, rigid, and inpractical...

and sometimes indeed... upholding your principles is tiring, tedious, and time-consuming...

how long will you be able to stand by those principles you set for yourself in the beginning? or to let them simply detoriate as time passes?

no point being so stubborn about certain issues in life... in the ever fast moving world, there's no place for "old" traditional values to stand... we are no longer punctual, we bend the rules as and when we like... we decide for ourselves what rules have to be followed, what rules aren't rules at all... as individualistic ideas take root in our very society... where have the traditional values of filial piety etc gone to? people no longer see taking care of their eldery parents as being mandatory... "they have the ability to take care of themselves..." these people argued...

but of course... when such insidious effects of individualism get to them... they'll realise how foolish they are. when they're all alone, frail and vulnerable... when their very own children whom they showered care and love for decide to abandon them and lead their own lives.













how long will you remember those painful times when u had to part with your friends? saying that u'll never forget them? how long will you remember those friends who have parted their ways with you?

we used to say that at every parting... when we were young... as soon as we could understand language... but how well would our memory work for us? would u remember your primary school friends? secondary school mates? or anyone who has crossed your life and made even a small difference in your life?

seriously speaking... we would only remember someone when we need help from that person. when that person has some form of "use" for us in the near future. then again... what is friendship? is it just a convienient means for us to exploit the strengths of others for our own benefit?

and after that person's usefulness ended for you, u'll convieniently forget them.

where did the old saying of 为朋友两肋插刀 go to when you don't even remember your friends?













and of course... our favourite topic... love... would you still believe in 天长地久 when the rest of the youth population believe love to be a result of a shopping trip for the best traits they would wish for their potential partner? and of course when they realise that they "bought" the wrong package they throw you away like some junk? what is true love then in our present society?













i can imagine kelvin going... "very bad... very bad..."

weird dreamz~

i had weird dreams last night...

probably cos i was watching 谈判专家 before i slept... then peng-sir tried to commit suicide by pouring alcohol all over himself and trying to light a fire....

i dreamt i tried commiting suicide twice. -_-

first is... no surprise.. i tried to light up myself when i'm drenched in alcohol... *see? watch too much tv* but somehow i couldn't find the lighter... -__- *that's quite sad case isn't it? :P*

so next... just like wad happened in the tv show... pple come and try to stop me from commiting suicide.... so i ran away from those people... first suicide attempt failed... so i ran ran ran until i reach this balcony where i jumped down from it.

suicide attempt 2.

except i jumped down from the third floor...

and i didn't die from that jump. -_-

and i ended up... *still in the dream* with this slight aching of my body. -_-

second suicide attempt failed. -_-













moral of the story... when u wanna commit suicide, make sure u've got a lighter with u... and when u jump down... make sure u jump down from the tenth and higher no of storeys... -___-

在个寂静的夜里
迷糊中记起往事
回忆过去的美好
叹息现在的无奈
时间不停地溜走
记忆越来越模糊
失去原有的乐观
坠入无尽的悲哀
一一破碎的梦想
渐渐失去的方向




做了选择就没有后路
想后悔也都来不及
就算难过也无所谓
只因事实已摆在眼前

命运老是爱开玩笑
梦想与现实完全相反
却偏要给人一股希望
但最终让他们失望

雨。。。一直下个不停。。。

龙卷风离去后 雨季随着而来
太阳失去笑容 天空为谁哭泣

不想被雨淋湿 便把门窗关上
独自躲在房里 哪里都不要去

不要让心受寒 窗 挡住外面那一阵阵风
只是不论躲哪 雨 似乎都能从门窗渗透
外头天气冰冷 心 却被落下的雨水加温