在个寂静的夜里
迷糊中记起往事
回忆过去的美好
叹息现在的无奈
时间不停地溜走
记忆越来越模糊
失去原有的乐观
坠入无尽的悲哀
一一破碎的梦想
渐渐失去的方向




做了选择就没有后路
想后悔也都来不及
就算难过也无所谓
只因事实已摆在眼前

命运老是爱开玩笑
梦想与现实完全相反
却偏要给人一股希望
但最终让他们失望

雨。。。一直下个不停。。。

龙卷风离去后 雨季随着而来
太阳失去笑容 天空为谁哭泣

不想被雨淋湿 便把门窗关上
独自躲在房里 哪里都不要去

不要让心受寒 窗 挡住外面那一阵阵风
只是不论躲哪 雨 似乎都能从门窗渗透
外头天气冰冷 心 却被落下的雨水加温

i wish i could have a little bit more courage...

and sorry for missing your birthday celebrations...

thanks for your lie.

and thanks for even bothering to cover up.
opps. i guess not.

"我拉住时间 他却不理会"
-- 孙燕姿 《同类》









一眨眼。。。我从一个年少无知的小中学女孩。。。变成了一个懵懵懂懂的高中少女。。。

而再过几天。。。我就正式成为一个大学生。。。






有种很微妙的感觉。。。一方面。。。很期待进大学会学到什么东西。。。至少我不会整天在家里闲着。。。看漫画、动画、电视、或整天上网。。。像个废人一样。。。

但是。。。又得到一个崭新的环境里。。。从新结交朋友。。。而且。。。校园这么大。。。我有一定会常常迷路。。。-_- *sianz* 再加上。。。这几天我所接触有关学校的事情。。。总觉得。。。大学。。。好像很恐怖。。。哈哈~ 每一件事好象都是最后一分钟才知道会发生什么事。。。下个星期一就开学了。。。但我现在连时间表都没有。。。再加上。。。我得安排补习时间。。。啊啊啊啊！！！超级sianz~ 哈哈。。。






时间真是不饶人。。。拼命希望是光能倒流。。。回到高中时有规律又快乐的日子。。。虽然有苦。。。但至少。。。开头不管是进 ACJC 或 HCJC 里面我都有认识的人。。。至少不怕寂寞。。。直到要跟大家一起玩。。。一起拼。。。但到大学。。。一切都靠自己了。。。一个我想象不到的生活。。。一个。。。完全不一样的生活。。。

虽然听以前的同事谈到他们在大学里多么快乐。。。大学生活多么好玩。。。但怎么样。。。我没有办法完全相信他们的话。。。因为自己眼前看不到吧。。。







已经厌倦了。。。不敢对即将开始的生活抱有什么期待。。。






其实严格来说。。。明天就开始新生活了吧。。。因为。。。明天一大清早就得到学校去。。。听老师唠唠叨叨。。。 =X haiz~ 没办法吧。。。

只能希望。。。这四年能平平静静的度过。。。

一路向北

一路向北
（歌手：周杰伦）

后视镜里的世界 越来越远的道别
你转身向背 侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追 竟听见你的泪

在车窗外面排徊 是我错失的机会
你站的方位 跟我中间隔着泪
街景一直在后退 你的崩溃在窗外零碎

我一路向北 离开有你的季节
你说你好累 已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹 过往的画面全都是我不对
细数惭愧 我伤你几回

后视镜里的世界 越来越远的道别
你转身向背 侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追 竟听见你的泪

在车窗外面排徊 是我错失的机会
你站的方位 跟我中间隔着泪
街景一直在后退 你的崩溃在窗外零碎

我一路向北 离开有你的季节
你说你好累 已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹 过往的画面全都是我不对
细数惭愧 我伤你几回

我一路向北 离开有你的季节
方向盘周围 回转着我的后悔
我加速超越 却甩不掉紧紧跟随的伤悲
细数惭愧 我伤你几回
停止狼狈 就让错纯粹

还要多久。。。我们才能对彼此诚实一点。。。

明明有好多话想说。。。但偏偏在最后一秒卡在喉咙，说不出口。。。

以往的勇气究竟逃到哪里？

不愿面对，不敢面对。。。自己的过去、现在、与未来。。。













遗忘或许会比较好。。。但有些事是不能说忘就忘。。。

多希望有种汤。。。喝了就忘了某些回忆。。。













重蹈负辙、回忆着过去。。。

这一切我都厌倦了。。。

请让我遗忘，让我往前飞。。。

找回原有的天空。。。

找回原有的快乐。。。













我静静的望着天空
试着寻找失落的感动
只能用笑容期待着
雨过天晴的彩虹

-- 《天空》 （蔡依林）

もし　私が
雨だつたなら

それが永遠に交わる
ことのない
空と大地を
つなぎとめるように

誰かの心を
つなぎ留めることが
できただろうか

- ブリーチ

if i were the rain

that binds together
the earth and the sky
who in all eternity
will never mingle

would i be able
to bind the hearts
of people together?

arr... the wonders of the japanese language...

someday i'm going to master it... wahahahaha~

wah. finally after one whole morning's work... i finally revamp this old blog. -_-

took quite a long time... *considering how my html grow rust and rot away* oh well, i guess knowing nuts about html really s*x especially when u are doing webby stuff bah, but oh well, at least it's done! =)

yar yar.. this blog grow rust for like half a month le... i've got an idea to turn this place into an anime blog... so blog abt all the anime i watched... basically the past two weeks i've been watching anime anime and more anime... stuff like bleach... school rumble... naruto... blah blah blah... juz to pass time...

then again... i wonder... who actually visits my blog to realise this place has got loads of cobwebs ard...

oh yar... i juz quit my job... lolz~ that explains y i'm so free to go out everyday and spend like mad. -_-

and yes! the great singapore sale! juz in within one week, i've bought basically average one top per day of the week. -_- oh man, these shops are so evil... all the 50% off and stuff... make me spend like siao. -_- *oh my god. i sound so bitchy. -_-*

and i'm eating junk food like siao too... my mum complains i'm growing fat and dun exercise. -_-

and school's starting in abt a mth's time... loads of stuff to conquer... like the books i borrowed from kelvin. *omg. when am i ever going to finish reading them?* and the anime i wanna watch... pls the ton of things i wanna learn... like... japanese... cooking... *pray that the previous oven incident wun reoccur*

speaking of school... somehow not feeling compelled or excited abt the new school life.. dun ask me why... i have no idea myself... perhaps the thought of making new friends all over again made me sian diaos... oh well...

ok lar... enuff rant for now...

i wonder when i'll be back again...

事隔这么久，但。。。

那触动依然像昨天。









有些事情或许我这一生也无法明白。

请你带我离开。

刺鸟
歌手:飞儿乐队 专辑:无限

也许就是要等一百个世纪
我们才能够发现真爱的美丽

龙舌兰的花朵不代表绚丽
选择燃烧了自己将真爱延续

就像刺鸟的宿命
悲剧却勇敢
用生命交换结局的灿烂

天上的风 被谁推开
温暖的手 是你的爱
我还在等 待等待你的爱
真实呼喊

天空晴朗 心情很蓝
紧握的手 决不松开
怎么不回来 怎么不回来
刺鸟呼唤

天上的风 被谁推开
温暖的手 是你的爱
我还在等待 等待你的爱
真实呼喊

天空晴朗 心情很蓝
紧握的手 决不松开
我穿越伤害 最美的答案
是你的爱














其实，一切都是选择。。。

既然做出了选择，何必说些与你选择完全相反的东西呢？

只看到前面一片漆黑。。。

路很远，夜好黑。。。











我始终带着你爱的微笑
一路上寻找我遗失的美好
不小心当泪划过嘴角
就用你握过的手抹掉

再多的风景也从不停靠
只一心寻找我遗失的美好
有的人说不清哪里好
但就是谁都替代不了













wow.. reflective nite for me... finally i get to spend one night at home slacking watching tv... watch last second episode of 海豚湾恋人 and 善妮 going to die soon. =S oh well... i think i'm in love with the ending song now... hahaz~

and of course... my fav song from FIR which i wanted to post a long long time ago... hahaha~

tireds. back pain. ouch. and i wan sleep. -_-

tireds sotong signing off.

i pray... for you to have good health... for you to be blessed... and most importantly... for you to be happy.

是否有过这种感觉。。。明明心里有很多很多话想说。。。但不知为什么。。。一句话也说不出口？

这并没什么大不了。。。只是。。。心里觉得。。。闷闷的。。。

好像一个装上盖子的瓶子一样。。。装的东西越来越多。。。好像随时会爆炸。。。

没有什么途径发泄。。。只能继续保持沉默。。。













曾经差点败给自己的忧郁。。。所以。。。对自己发誓不会让自己继续往这条路走下去。。。

这种感觉好奇怪啊。。。













自己相当明白。。。一些事情想太多未必对自己好。。。或许做人单纯一点会比较好。。。对一个人的一举一动不必想的那么深入。。。这样，也可以免了不必要的痛苦。。。













我始终相信。。。不管事情会变得多糟。。。不论多坏。。。事情总会转好。。。有它好的一面。。。













我对天上的星星许了个愿。。。请它们守护着我身边的人。。。

希望愿望能实现。。。

star wars date. XD

pushed back tuition todae to go on a date with... ahems... my sis... a movie date to be exact... cos... TODAE'S THE OPENING OF STAR WARS EPISODE 3!!!! of course as a die hard star wars fan... muz go watch lar.. :P

not forgetting how big a lightbulb i was when... ahems.... my sis was supposed to watch it with... ahems.. john. lalalala~

aniwae... the three of us juz sat in the theatre... making loads of furnie comments throughout the movie *omg. i can't believe i'm so bitchy... =S*

the movie's great... though an extremely dark one...

padme's costumes were great... i totally love the designer... XD especially this blue gown with beads... aww~ so so cool!!! XD

and the themes discussed in the movie... brings loads of thoughts to my mind...













the more we are afraid of losing the things we gained... the more they'll slip away from our finger tips...

attatchment leads to jealousy... jealousy leads to hate...

padme : "i don't like it... u're walking down a path which i can't follow you..."

and.... while anakin was trying so hard to keep the very person he loved to himself... to prevent a certain end from becoming reality... he himself caused the reality to happen...














we are all afraid of the uncertainties... we don't want to lose the things we gained... and because of this we have become so obsessed with our pursuit of power and the things we want... until we forgot our original aims...

and in the end.. that's how u lose the things u didn't want to lose... in exchange for the things u gained...

principle of equivalent trade, har? =Pp













mace windu is so so so cool!!!! i simply lurve his purple lightsaber... and in his showdown with the sith lord... his other 3 companions are juz there to be slaughtered... lolz! and he alone battled with the sith lord and won the battle... before someone else came along... =S oh man... he's so zai... =X how i wished he had been one of the remaining jedi who lived... besides yoda and obi-wan.. =S













and of course... yoda is so so so so so so cool!!!!!!!! XD he may be a "little green thing" but he's got power, man... =) jump here jump there like a monkey... =P and it's so hard to imagine that he's actually 700+ years old... lolz~ it made his opponents look so stupid... :P being unable to defeat him... lolz!













and... even in the end... when anakin had already turned to the dark side... and padme was dying... she still believed that... "there's a good side to him..." for all those things he did to her... for all the hurt he brought her...

sometimes i juz feel... padme... u're... so stupid...

but i guess the power of love blinds them all... juz like how anakin's love for padme blinded himself and lured himself to the dark side...













furnie stuff abt the movie... apparently the empire started building the first death star ever since luke and leia skywalker were born... but the strange thing is... it's only completed when the kids were at least 18 years old... but the second death star only took less than... abt 5 years to build? -_- lame diaoz... *input by john: maybe they got the idea how to build le, so second death star take lesser time*

and other stupid things like... how come when padme died... after giving birth... her stomach still so big? *as contributed by me and my sis* later we sorta come to the conclusion that woman's stomach dun go back to their original size so quickly after childbirth...













i guess... for now... lemme drown in star wars philosophy and... mourn for the death of anakin skywalker... and hate george lucas for making episodes 4-6 before episode 1-3... =S and pray that maybe there'll be episode 0 or episode 7+++... oh well... *starts sounding desperate*

we had no choice...

"It was the only thing we could do. It was the only choice we had. I gave in, I accepted, I believed. I allowed it to be true. I thought I'd be able to go through with it without ever doubting myself. But I... It hurts so much...

Everyone was so happy. "Great job, Yuna. You did it. You saved us all." There were too many smiles to count. And I know that I was smiling, too. But now...when I look back... The people who should be here aren't. The ones who should be smiling with me aren't here...

"We had no choice." Always "we had no choice." Those are our magic words. We repeat them to ourselves again and again. But you know... The magic never worked! The only thing we're left with is regret...

No. I don't want this anymore.

I don't want friends to die...or fade away. I don't want battles where we have to lose in order to win..."

~ Yuna (Final Fantasy x-2)

有些时候，一旦一个人保持沉默，把心收藏起来，别人开始摸不到他的心，开始不了解他的一举一动。。。

有些人就是喜欢保持沉默。。。

也因此，周围的人对他的误会也越来越多。。。











有些事情。。。是没有理由的。。。

我们活在科技发达的时代，把科学对任何事物都有答案的原理搬到生活里。。。认为什么都有答案，所以人人都不断的追求人生的答案。。。

我们往往忘了。。。有些事是没有答案的。。。

但固执的人类却硬钻牛角尖。。。结果苦了自己，还苦了别人。。。







"Sometimes things are not that complicated as u make them out to be... Put whatever u are thinking now away for e time being and come back to them later, maybe u will get a diff perspective..."










或许。。。有些事情就是那么简单。。。

就譬如。。。如果有一天我不小心，手上划了一道深深的伤口。。。事情的结果也只有两种。。。第一。。。就是让伤口休息，不再刺激它。。。过了不久，伤口就会自动痊愈。。。

或者。。。另一种，就是伤口一直经历风吹雨淋，完全没有机会愈合，一直不断地受到伤害。。。最终。。。受伤的地方迟早会长出一块厚厚的茧。。。

事情也就是那么简单。。。













别轻易对他人誓下诺言。。。因为。。。如果无法遵守诺言。。。这对别人的伤害是那么大。。。

但是。。。当一个人在等待你许下诺言。。。你却因为对自己能实现诺言的能力感到怀疑而拒绝他人。。。这对他的伤害。。。是否会比许下诺言却无法遵守来的大？













做人真是痛苦。。。













对一个人客气。。。不一定是因为跟他不熟。。。有些时候。。。是因为害怕自己会把他人对自己的好当成是理所当然的。。。这是对自己的一种警惕。。。但在别人的眼里。。。这对他们而言又是怎样呢？













我只知道。。。这世界是多么黑暗。。。而人类是多么可悲。。。

看不见的未来

面对着周围所发生的一切。。。

我。。。看不见未来。



看不见自己在不久的将来会快乐的生活。。。

看不见自己能在面对未来挑战顺利过关。。。



看不见以后的我会丰衣足食。。。

看不见以后的我会得到幸福。。。














可是。。。一个人真的能看得到未来吗？

如果一个人能够看到未来。。。那个人不就是神仙了吗？

就算现在幸福，丰衣足食。。。一年后。。。也未必能像现在一样。。。





因为。。。我们的世界一直在改变。。。

明天究竟会遇见什么，没人能预测。。。





看不到未来不代表没有未来。。。





试想想。。。如果每个人因为看不到未来而不再奋斗。。。

每个人都对生命毫无期待。。。

没有了欲望。。。没有往前走的冲劲。。。

这个世界将是多么悲哀。。。




未来是靠自己来创造的。。。这听起来有可能很俗气。。。但是。。。或许只有这种自信。。。我们才能往前走。。。不断进步。。。

这是不是一种人类编造出来的谎言来骗自己。。。我不知道。。。

我只知道。。。这总比停滞不前来的好。。。

人类就是那么可悲。。。情愿活在自己编造的谎言里。。。也不愿面对他们不想面对的事物。。。

就算你的人生到了顶底，事情也会有好转的一天。

no matter what shit life throws at you... you can simply turn all those shit into bricks for you to climb higher...

what a shitty analogy.

一个人再怎么脆弱，也会有他坚强的一面。

所以。。。就算难过、害怕得想哭。。。也要告诉自己。。。这是让自己显出坚强的机会。



至少。。。你还活在这个世上。你还有周围的家人，朋友。。。还能感觉得到太阳晒在皮肤的温度，感觉得到人生的喜怒哀乐。。。还有。。。还有。。。

如果这世上真的有神，就请所有神明保佑我周围的人。。。




after all the things that happened today...

i guess... i'm glad that i'm still alive... and that my family is around me... and... i've got so many friends who care about me...







my... dad... was involved in a car crash.

he was going to fetch me from my workplace to go for tuition...

and just as he reached the road a few metres away from my company... a huge truck rammed into the left of my dad's car.





on board... there were three of my dad's collegues... and they had minor injuries.. luckily... and fortunately... my dad wasn't hurt... juz... dazed...






he said he's ok... he called the insurance company... called up the pple to tow the car away... called for the ambulance, called the police... and even called home... and assured my family that he's ok...

he seemed so calm... knowing what to do in whatever situation that arise...





but... as i stood beside him...

i saw his hand tremble.

and as i stood behind him, looking at how he tries to tie up the ends to this accident...

i realised how old he is.







accidents happen everywhere...

u never know when ur safe and when u might just lose your life.







i don't know how he feels now... whether he's still traumatised... whether he blames himself for what that happened...

no matter what... i juz hope he knows... that... i'll be there for him....





it was so traumatising that even i was not involved in it, i felt so scared until i could cry when i saw how the car was dented... and how traumatised my father's collegues were... until they couldn't move... blah blah blah... but my dad made everything sound as though it's nothing serious at all. so that others wun be worried about him...

i want to be like you... to become someone others can depend on. instead of simply breaking down when something devastating happens unexpected...






so... if i can have a wish now... pls bless all those around me... and protect them from all the terrible things that might happen...







ps. in the end i'm back to being posted to sales after another big discussion teena had wif the HR pple... life is like shit now, but at least i'm glad that my dad's alive... with no injuries... and that i'm alive... and... i still have my family and close friends... =)