ok i admit. i was bored.

and i really need a damn good camera... *pouts*

泣かないで。。。

i suppose we're all in pain. feeling hurt from different things which we may or may not let the rest of the world know. deep down hidden in one corner of our private world we're crying... if we're lucky, someone might understand our pain and stay beside us, giving us inspiration and hope and encouragement... and we'll eventually stop crying. but some others might not be so lucky...

have i found my inspiration?

have you?

if you haven't, am i worthy to become your inspiration?

ahh after trying desperately to upload photos for the past week, finally i managed to upload one. i thought there's a problem with my laptop and even wanted to find time to reformat it! lolx~ glad that i can finally upload...

cheer up qing yu! and to people other than me... welcome to my... messy house? lol!

i just woke up from a nightmare... i would classify it as my nightmare because it kinda reflects my inner fears...

i dreamt that someone proposed to me and i happily accepted. but at the wedding it was disrupted by my relatives who tried to kill me and my "future" husband... by stealing our wedding rings which would protect us from harm *ok it has special powers* and by hiding one of my kids *yes i dreamt i had 2 kids before i got married. omg*... we snatched back our rings and looked for my kid who was hidden in a cupboard... the poor kid... and then later when everything was resolved i was in a party with my family... everybody was dressed up really pretty and handsome-ly... and then my dad revealed that he's going to die... i was so stunned that i started tearing right away... but my mother added that he's going to die from eating all the room service cos he'll be flying to some faraway place again. but even when this was revealed as a joke... i was quite frightened by that joke and even noticed my father was packing some really weird stuff into his luggage as though he's going somewhere far away and never coming back...

i don't know why i feel so stunned even after i woke up. everything felt so real that i'm afraid my dream wasn't just a dream but it might become reality. of course i'm not trying to curse my family or anything, but i'm scared that when i go shanghai far away from them, something might happen without my knowing... that's y it's a nightmare and even after i wake up, i can't smile and laugh at the stupidity of me having 2 kids before i marry.

ok paiseh! today is lyrics day! got 3 songs i wanna post today, so scroll down if u wanna see wad i really have to say about today... when i'm feeling super stressed i like to listen to songs and sing... that's my way of destressing, so when i come across great songs i wish i can share with the whole world... haha~

first song of today... really love the 曲风... and somehow this song is like singing my desire for the kind of love i'm looking for... ahh~ 梁静茹 is still my idol!!! XD



一秒的天堂
歌手：梁静茹

他是谁没有姓名没有性别
他是谁连吻别也吻得那麽完美
他是谁给我翅膀不让我飞
他爱谁爱上了谁又离开了谁

爱是磁铁爱是潮水爱风花雪月
爱一千零一夜爱是第一眼
就过了一万年

我要的爱有一种魔幻一秒的天堂
会让我奋不顾身去闯去受伤
再让我吞下时空胶囊迷茫的辗转
好像我明明到过天堂却忘了

喝太醉往事往往容易倾斜
夜太黑纯洁一夜一夜烧成了灰
想太美思念细的好像纤维
那个谁谁是我的最后那一个谁

爱是听觉爱是嗅觉爱天真无邪
爱是错觉幻觉爱可能是个
那甜蜜的魔鬼

我要的爱有一种魔幻一秒的天堂
会让我奋不顾身去闯去受伤
再让我吞下时空胶囊迷茫的辗转
好像我明明到过天堂却忘了

我要的爱有一种魔幻一秒的天堂
会让我奋不顾身去闯去受伤
再让我吞下时空胶囊迷茫的辗转
好像我明明到过天堂却忘了

不管谁我要我的魔幻一秒的太阳
我要我有向日葵一样的皇冠
我只要日正当中荡漾蔚蓝的海岸
天快亮爱在闪闪发亮正前方
















next up is a song that my brother was stunned when he heard me humming the tune at dinner time... LOL. he told me that he knows this tune and wanted me to continue humming, much to my surprise cos i kinda expect him to tell me to shaddup cos i'm being noisy hahaha~ erms... i heard this song first on cc's car when hitching a ride somewhere together with pansy... the version i heard was 梁静茹 with 品冠... but the original was from music and lyrics, song title is...



Way Back into Love

I've been living with a shadow over head
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just cant seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
and if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end















last song for today is actually a song i like from quite some time back, in F.I.R's latest album, just waiting for me to put the lyrics up someday haha~ it's one of the few songs in faye's *crazy* range that i can hum most of the time... though not the entire song haha~



真爱地图
歌手：F.I.R

指间穿越发稍 合十随风祈祷
松开后听不到你的心跳
如果能有预兆 交换时间颠倒
我只想用泪痕刻下你的记号

oh~这真爱地图多斑驳模糊
我还拼凑那幸福

选择了深爱 眼泪擦乾 用期待
灌溉一片森林海
让悲伤绽放心底的呐喊
决定了深爱 就不悔改 多勇敢
这就是真实的爱
最后再没有谁能伤害
写下最美的路途等你回来













ok... now onto the thing that's stressing me...

i swear... my neighbour must have some weird prejudice against me.

just when my parents claim that they have not been drilling these days, i happily sat down at my study desk to start studying... THEY STARTED DRILLING AGAIN. DAMMIT. do they have some secret weird detectors stuck beneath my study desk chair? i swear they have some peeping spy hole connecting between our houses. else how in the world do they find such a perfect timing to ruin the peacefulness of the quiet day???

sighz. looks like they just stopped? lolx~

*note:after that they started drilling again when i started studying again. arghs!*















so many things i want to talk about, but i wonder... if it's ok to talk about them haha! confused about quite a few things... today's paper wasn't good cos i kinda had really high expectations of myself *well it's one of my best subjects this semester* and i actually forgot how to do one particular part of the qn... to others it seem like i'm being stuck up probably but oh well, i'm disappointed with my performance today. which should spur me to work harder for my upcoming papers, but i've kinda slacked my entire day away sleeping slowly reading integrated electronics tutorial and notes... sighz.

i accidentally overheard my parents conversation about me going shanghai next year... before this i know i'll probably miss my family loads, but when my mum secretly told my dad *they presumed i didn't know cos i was supposedly in my room hahaha* she told my dad i'll confirm miss home one or two months after i'm in shanghai... i felt so damn gek? haha i dunno how to describe that feeling, but now i feel like i dun wanna miss them and let them laugh at me wahahahahaha~ i'll prove u guys wrong man =)

other things... should i get myself a diary? since i can't blog when i go shanghai probably... sighz. some things that i want to leave open online, some things i want to vent out but they can't be seen or heard by others probably. i feel like i'm a mess of things =S

i hope all these is not just a joke... before i take things too seriously...

another 9.5 hrs to my first exam paper of the semester! feeling damn tireds but i haven't finished studying...

i wonder when have i become like this. others think it's so hard to approach me for help... they think i prefer to be left alone. and i feel quite guilty cos i really feel this way sometimes. i don't know when i've become so adverse to helping others out. my initial response whenever someone asks me for help these days will be... what? you want help? =S instead of... oh yes i'll help in whatever way i can back in the past.

haha this brings me back to some time last week. pansy knew i had some interest in tarot cards and the like superstition, and she just picked up 姓名学... which is like predicting a person's life and personality based on that person's chinese name... and for me... as depicted by the "calculation" i'll be someone who'll be a loner... eeks. i hate to admit it. but i'm quite scared of that happening lol. my close jc friends will know why i say this haha~ just that i don't admit it these days... i think me becoming so cold and indifferent to other people's problems will distant me even further from others. but i don't dare to get too close to others either. argh! i hate to be pulled along by fate so i told myself i'm going to struggle against it... but opps, looks like i'm in that path fate has brought me all along... =S

time to change my attitude towards others when they ask for help! =X

joke of the day night... name has been censored and so we shall call this funny friend of mine xxx.

xxx: hey, can i ask you about *subject name censored*? have you done 07 may paper?
me: oh i'm doing the 06 nov paper now, haven't looked at the 07 paper yet. so wassup with the 07 paper?
xxx: oh nothing lor. it's just more updated.

ok i guess i just have a low threshold for this kind of stuff...

你最近還好嗎
歌手:S.H.E

挑一張耶誕卡寫上滿滿祝福的話
地址寫的是心底 你能不能收到它
天有點冷 風有點大 城市寧靜而喧嘩
這一個冬天我得一個人走回家

問自己習慣了嗎
沒有你每到夜裏回聲變得好大
有沒有什麽好方法
讓寂寞更聽話

你最近還好嗎 是不是也在思念裏掙紮
你說會記得我 還記得嗎
你最近還好嗎 忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎
如果真不得已忘了我 快向快樂出發

有再多的牽掛都已沒有權利表達
舊情人給的問候比陌生人還尷尬
昨天遠了 明天還長 回憶模糊但巨大
這樣的深夜眼淚要怎樣不流下

問自己習慣了嗎
沒有你每到夜裏回聲變得好大
有沒有什麽好方法
讓寂寞更听话

你最近還好嗎 是不是也在思念裏掙紮
你說會記得我 還記得嗎
你最近還好嗎 忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎
如果真不得已忘了我 快向快樂出發

你最近還好嗎 是不是也在思念裏掙紮
你說會記得我 還記得嗎
你最近還好嗎 忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎
如果真不得已忘了我 快向快樂出發

i've never felt like puking so much before. not literally. ok maybe it can become literal. i'm suffering from overdose of software engineering. and i feel like killing the person who set the tutorial questions. i spent the entire night trying to memorise a tutorial by first reading and memorising the notes, then turning to the tutorial to see if my memory work is there. BUT the tutorial questions are totally unrelated to the notes!!! OMG. RAWR. wad a total waste of time. and by the time i started memorising the tutorial solution my mind was saturated from the notes =S originally i can memorise the entire tutorial in 2 hrs, now i need 1hr to memorise 1qn out of total of 7 qns in the entire tutorial. *pukes*

even green tea isn't helping. guess it's the lack of sleep then...

i'm so tired that i'm going to drop dead any moment...

i felt like i've cried out my soul... the accumulated grief and sorrow for the past few years... thanks to pey lun... thanks for listening. i really feel much much better now. and little more hopeful. maybe i can trust and believe in others a little more now. and to stop denying myself of my happiness... yes! a step closer to making my birthday wish come true!

i'm too serious about others petty remarks at times... i'm sorry for that. so i'll take note on my attitude towards them when such things happen in the future. actually i'm quite mad at myself for being upset over some comments or remarks that are just irresponsible or 没经过大脑... so now, i'll control my irritation or anger by looking at events in a different light so that i wouldn't be so easily pissed. pissed not pissed at ok?

for now... let's throw all these to the back of mind... and 加油！がんばって！i believe i can finish my tutorials by sunday! *another freaking 9 tutorials waiting for me...*

my messy study desk... rawrs! i'm going crazy from the mugging!

and i need a camera... \(TT m TT)/

Umbrella
By YUI

ちゃぶ　ちゃぶ 雨がふる二丁目の路地
あなたを迎えに駅までゆくの

ちゃぶ　ちゃぶ　本当はケンカしたから
放っておきたいけれど...
黒い傘　忘れてた　だから

待ってるのよ　ずっと待ってるの
許してあげる　だから早く my darling

改札口が見える　この場所で
困り果てた　あなたの事　捜すけれど
今夜も帰りが遅いね

ちゃぶ　ちゃぶ降り続く二人の間に
小さな水たまり
白い靴　汚れてた　だけど

待ってるのよ　ずっと待ってるの
許してあげる　だから早く　my darling

改札口が見える　この場所で
手を振っている　あなたの事　捜すけれど
今夜も帰りが遅いね

わかってるはずなのに
雨が降るたび　ここに来てしまう

今夜も　待ってるのよ　ずっと待ってるの
許してほしい　あたしのこと my darling

改札口が暗くなるたびに
優しかった　あなたの事　想って泣いた
今夜も帰りが遅いね　今夜も帰りが遅いね













Here's the english translation ^^
Pitter, patter, rain falls on the alleyway between two city blocks
I'm going to the station to meet you

Pitter, patter, actually we had a fight
I wanted to leave you alone
But you forgot your black umbrella

I wait, I'll wait forever
I forgive you, so hurry, my darling

I can see where the ticket gates are
But I was confused, I will search through the things about you
Tonight you're late home again

Pitter, patter, it continued to rain between the two of us
These little drops of water
Made my white shoes dirty, but...

I wait, I'll wait forever
I forgive you, so hurry, my darling

I can see where the ticket gates are
Though I will be waving, I will search through the things about you
Tonight you're late home again

You should know
That when it rains I'll come here

Tonight I wait again, I'll wait forever
I want to forgive you for your actions, my darling

Each time the ticket gate becomes dark
I thought of how sweet you were and cried
Tonight, you're home late again
Tonight, you're home late again

sometimes i just think that i'm a really difficult person.

i hate it whenever i get angry or upset. which i do very often these days at people who most probably don't have the intention of making me so. maybe it's just that i haven't been mixing with people long enough for me to control my temper proper. or maybe it's just that i'm taking everything too seriously? i don't know. sometimes i kind of feel bad in afterthought after i threw my temper or something. but sometimes when i fly into a rage i don't feel i'm in the wrong.

whenever others are upset or angry, i always tell them this: take in a deep breath. sometimes in the heat of things it's hard to do so isn't it. rage will fling all your rational thoughts and restrain on yourself far to the back of your mind. how then, can one train up their level of tolerance when they face this kind of things? interact with "irritating" people more often? lolx~

in order to find out more, i did an internet search. guess what? the articles that turned up are mostly meant for kids. ok i'm sorry i'm behaving like a kid ok. =(

anyways, some tips from the sites i came across...
from http://www.wikihow.com/Control-Your-Temper
1. Realise that things can be handled well at times, it's just a matter of what kind of attitude you put into it.
2. Get away from situations where your anger might get the best of you. (eg. ignore the person irritating you etc.)
3. When you are angry, stay calm and take deep breaths, close your eyes for a while and you will find that the situation is under control, and slowly master your anger.
from http://www.wikihow.com/Control-Your-Anger
1. When angry, be diplomatic or make a witty comment, instead of yelling. This way, if the other person overreacts, it makes you look good and them look bad.
2. Try thinking of stuff that you are thankful for. The more specific, the better. You can't be truly angry and thankful at the same time.
3. Meditation is a useful way to release stress and/or anxiety, which are often prerequisites to anger. Do not meditate when you are angry, as this could have a negative effect on your anger. Instead, meditate when you have calmed down and are in complete control of your thoughts and emotions.
4. Remember, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side. XD

haha i wonder if i'm witty enough to make witty comments... but yeaps, hope that i'll be able to have more self-restrain on my emotions the next time i meet with similar situations...

i want to chase away depression, tears and bad memories!

nothing will bring me down! never say die!

wad about that bad dream? or my bad grades? wad's most important now is to finish up my work and do well for my exams. that's the only way to salvage the current situation, so don't be down! 元気に出して！がんばって！

加油！

feeling depressed. probably due to a nightmare (ok laugh pls haha) and the piling work. sighz.

maybe i shouldn't go online so often. *shrugs*

i'm feeling emo again tonight.

STOP THINKING SO MUCH! there are better things to focus on. like the 13 tutorials waiting for you, and the exams upcoming next week. rawrs.

been procrastinating the entire day... morning i skipped swimming with my family, saying i wanted more sleep. then in the afternoon i played a chinese rpg my friend sent me yesterday.... now it's 7.20pm and i'm still sulking here, eating my first proper meal of the day.

how should one handle people who are nice to you because they want something from being nice to you? and after that if they see no profit in being nice to you, they'll just ignore you? i tried to ask my mum for advise, and she says just avoid coming into contact with them. but running away is not a solution. another way out would be to be nice to them and eat off whatever profits one can gain from being on close terms with them. but that's kinda against my principles.

talking to randy really made me feel much better... it's inevitable that we have to come into contact with such people despite how hard we try to avoid them... so once they come up to you and start asking for something, it is advised to...
1. reject in ways depending on your current steam level.
- steam level 1: tell them that you don't have it with you at the moment
- steam level 2: tell them you don't want to give it to them
- steam level 3: tell them you wouldn't even give it to them over your dead body
2. always try to remain neutral with them. it's not good if you go 翻脸 with them and make things really 疆... erms dunno whether the chinese word is correct or not... haha~
3. if u're really irritated with this kind of person, practise smiling. criteria of this kind of smile are as follows:
- fake
- is a function of time where it lasts not more than a second


hahas... enough of ranting... i hope i'll stop procrastinating and go do my tutorials after dinner... =(

i wish to become a better person.

it's time to say goodbye to Halloween *and just about time to say hi to November... argh!* another yet... unproductive? day? lolx~ i guess having overworked isn't such a good thing afterall...

and stupid me decided to snack on nuts today! argh there goes my diet! my weight went back up to before the diet!!! OMGOMGOMG!!! rawrs. so to kind of compensate for the extra weight i put on just cos of my snacks, i went jogging again =(

well if i did mention here before, i really hated jogging. it's the most boring sport i can ever think of... u just keep running like no tomorrow, to just shed excess energy and weight. not fun at all! but... jogging clears your mind... when i'm running in the stadium... the only thought in my mind was... another xxx rounds! jiayou! *ok i'm a lousy runner i need such motivation to keep myself moving* yups... it has some sort of optimistic motivation for me... and i can think about the things that had been troubling me while counting and trying to keep my pace... sounds like ultra multitasking haha~

anyways... there's no point for me to feel upset over something's that's past for so long. though even up till now i still have my resentments towards an individual... but there's nothing i can do. and no point in patching up now i suppose. though it would have been a good idea, but i'd wonder about each others' motives if that really happens. so yeaps. things wouldn't change. life still goes on whether i like it a not. but i can choose to live each day in pain or to live each day with happiness. i want the latter. and small things like these can't beat me down! yeahs!

now... onward to my tutorials!