iN tHe sHaDoW oF tHe sTaRz~

changed the layout last nite.... something's wrong wif my font size type and colour... hahaz.. guess html isn't really my cup of tea... do gimme comments on the design, yar?

i wished upon a star for you...

this post should have come up yesterday... but owning to the fact that 2 days ago i had almost no sleep at all trying to finish sheila's present... i typed halfway yesterday.. and then knocked out in front of the comp.... wif pple trying to converse to me... trying to figure out whether i've woken up a nots.. *cos i always fall asleep in front of the comp when i'm too tired... :P*

yar... so finished the cross stitch... den at that time it was 6.30am.... wanted to meet junyi and pansy to go school together at 7.20am... so tot i should take a nap.. cos i had totally no sleep... which means generally that i would be half dead in school... dun want mah... so took a nap.. and guess wad? i overslept... slept till 7.20, when junyi called me.. den i woke up... and realised that i'm going to be late... so maluating.. i ended up to be late by 20 mins for physics lesson... sian diaos...

aniwae... it wasn't a good day for me yesterday... besides being so physically drained... though i did nothing through the nite but to stitch stitch... which resulted in me seeing all those threads whenever i closed my eyes... ha~ budden... sighz... juz felt nothing's going right... first overslept until late lohz. sighz... maybe it would have been better if i din nap at all....

besides that... went to school.. then half the time stoning there... might as well dun go school le... =(

and...

sighz...

my mum called me during break.. to tell me that.. one of the fishes which fiona and jasmine gave me for bdae... it died... for that time i stood kinda in shock... before the thing started to sink in...

den had to rush to toilet during chem halfway cos cannot tahan le... bet i made pple sitting ard me like pansy and zhanxin a little worried... den when i finally calmed down, shian chi came into the toilet and saw me... and heard my "flu sounding" voice... and she realised that something was wrong.. sorry to have made ya so worried yar? i'm feeling better now... =)

funny thing how i can grow so attatched to the fish which only came into my life like... 2 days before hand? and.... i think if the same thing happened 3 years ago, i wun have felt this way....

or maybe this time round.. i felt i was responsible for their lives... and i want them to live on... cos... previously, all the fishes i reared died... and i think i've never quite gotten over them... cos i felt... fishes they have their own life.. .and by capturing them and placing them in our care as selfish human beings.. we ought to be responsible for their lives... and should let them enjoy life... but.. .i failed terribly... all the fishes which came to my hands died... either due to... perhaps overfeeding? or cos not enuff oxygen.... so.... for quite some time i told myself that i dun ever wanna buy fishes to keep anymore... cos i'm not good enuff to take care of them...

and now... only after 2 days in my care... there had been 1 casualty... leaving the other fish all alone in that cold hard glass container...

and to think that the day before it died... i was thinking of the names for the fishes... wanted to call them 流星雨 and 小鱼儿... budden that time busy wif cross stitch.. din go and look at the fishes to actually name them... come to think of it... haiz....

i bet my mum could tell i was very upset over the death of either 小鱼儿 or 流星雨... den she went to buy 2 more goldfishes.... which when she told me... i was kinda... scared... cos.. wad if they died again? but i was cheered up... cos... of wad she did... =) thankx...

den.. over the night.. the two new goldfishes couldn't make it.. and they both died...

sighz... it's me, right?

now.... i guess i'm past the crying stage le... no more tears welling up my eyes... juz... staring quite blankly at the comp screen... feeling sorry for the lone fish swimming in the glass container again... i've decided that it should be called... 留星雨... hoping that it would stay... and hope that i can be good enuff to take care of it... though i know deep down that... maybe it wun make it already le... i dunno...

somehow this whole episode reminded me of... carmen and her bettys in 9th elsewhere...

except that... my betty wun regenerate and appear again...

i'm wishing upon a star for u.... for the three of u guys... i hope ur din die too painfully... and... rest in peace...

heyz...

happy birthday to 游,

happy birthday to 游,

happy birthday to sotong...

happy birthday to 游...

hahaz.. dots... when i saw this sms.. hahaz... but glad to receive it... :D

feeling happy now... though things weren't too bright for me.... hahaz... contented maybe bah... still thinking of things which happened yesterday and todae...

aniwae... juz wanna say...a BIG...
THANKEW~~ to all those mentioned below...

weixiang, weijie, zhanxin, nico and zhidong: *i hope i din leave any out...* for that cute sotong and the orange pot! hahahaz....

kelvin and junyi: for that pair of op slippers! din think u guys would actually remember that i really like that pair! and that kelvin ar... still walk and try to measure my shoe size!!! u ar... really li hai lehz. :p

shian chi, pansy, sheila, yunzi, xiaoli, yin yin: omg! u gals actually bought me that... orange dress!!! omg... dunno whether i'll actually get to wear it or not.. hahaz...

fiona and jasmine: thankx for those fishes!!! eh... dunno whether i'm capable of taking care of it... but rest assured! i'll try my very best to make sure it wun die! :P

kelvin: thankx for that comic!!! :D aiyoh.. bought that pair of slippers le, still went to buy the comic.... thankew~

jonathan and liqian: for that really nice present!!! :D ur muz have put in loads of effort!!! really appreciate that... :D and.. yupz~ frienz foreva! :D

and most importantly...

to my parents, my sis and my brother: for celebrating my birthday with me... to my sis... for going down to west mall to get that delicious cake for me... thankx a millions... and to my mum... for trying so hard to celebrate my birthday when i actually dao-ed her yesterday when she asked me wad i want for my cake todae.. hahaz... i was feeling kinda down yesterday.... and i din really like to have such a big celebration or something... so i told her i dun want anything lohz.... budden todae... she actually went to ask my sis to go get a cake for me despite all that.. and the most important thing is that.... she said.. 有人给你庆祝生日是一种福气喔！要好好珍惜！and so... for a moment.. i felt 感动... =)

thankx to everybody out there... like.. yu chun! u still remembered my bdae! and.. eugene too! kinda surprising that u remembered... =) thankew so much.. i really enjoyed myself todae... =)

and thankew jasmine fifi shian chi nico and weixiang!!! for going to ktv with me todae!!! i really enjoyed my dae! hope u guys enjoyed urselves too!

abt the fishes.. hahaz... it's kinda furnie.. cos... juz now when i reached home.. i had no idea where to put the fishes... first i placed it at the dining table... den with everybody in the family eating there during dinner, my fishes would have loads of disturbances... so change position... dun wanna scare the fishes... next, my mum suggested me to put at this place above the cupboard for my hi-fi set... in the living room.. den i was complaining that it's too high, might topple the glass jar and my poor fishes might die... then my mum suggested that i place it at the table at one corner of the living room... den i said.. aiyah... too far.. i cannot see my fishes that often *cos it's kinda hidden at one corner of the house le... which i dun visit often.. hahaz~ finally i placed the fishes beside the tv.... then my mum was like saying... heyz.. u put the fishes there, then the tv so noisy, wun ur fishes be scared? den i replied.. eh... fishes oso wanna see tv one wad. :p dots...

and then again. there was .... AHEMS.... a controversy of wad to name the fishes... ahems... those pple out there.. u know who u r... hahahaz...

and... nico!!! stop eyeing my fishes!!! :P i know they appear tasty.. but.. ahems... not good to eat them raw, right? :P

aniwae... this year.. i have 3 big birthday wishes... like i'm kinda greedy liddat lehz... aniwae i juz wish that my wishes would come true in the order i made them.. hahaz... *greedy pig* sighz... hope everything would turn out alright... =)

on the eve of a not at all special day.

hahaz...

dunno wad's wrong with me now... all of a sudden feel everything crashing down...

it's not work, it's not relationships *at least that's wad i would love to think...*... it's not... well.. i dunno now...

family? i duno... maybe it plays a huge part now... juz feeling ultra dumb and horrible now... juz now... came home late cos went shopping with xiaoli pansy fifi dey all for prom dress... ended up reaching home like.. at 7.45.... and it's like.. my parent's wedding aniversary... jialats. i only remembered all of a sudden when i reached west mall... after i bought a $9.50 comic book... leaving myself totally broke with 2.50 left.... and i was thinking... aiyah.. so late le.. might as well try to rush home asap.. rather than to spend more time trying to shop for a present for my parents... brisk walked all the way home... den tried to appear cheery when i reached home... my mum questioned where i went.. so i told her truthfully...

den... after the 7o'clock show... when she could settle down and start nagging and scolding pple again... it all comes down again... nag at my brother to stop using comp... nag at me... repremanded y i din score well for chem... *wah.. i really tried hard le lohz... i really did...* hahaz... she simply din get it bah. all of a sudden i'm so envious of my sister who seems to be able to ace everything.

maybe i'm feeling stressed now bah.... not meeting up to pple's different expectations... i'm not perfect at all... so why come blame me for some of the things i couldn't really control? for eg... my chem? maybe i din study hard enuff le... but at least i din find it disappointing... sometimes i appear to heck care abt results and everything.. but deep down, i know my limits.. i wun let myself duo4 luo4 until so jialats.. personally i was kinda upset that i got a d... den i cheered myself up by saying that it's only prelims and that... well, at least i made some improvements, and now at least i'm slightly above average... den she comes along and make me sink back into everything again. hahaz... well done. *oh my god. i'm back to the good ole sacarstic me.*

it's not her fault bah. the fault lies with myself.. feeling a headache coming towards myself..

i have too many faults.. but people seem to think i dun have those faults... and to try to meet up to their expectations.. maybe i'm juz trying too hard... but still unable to make it... hahaz...

sometimes i really wanna slap myself.. i guess i juz dunno how to express myself at all... no observation skills.. not gentle at all... dunno how to show care for others. i really tried to be a "good friend" to be there for my friends when they need them... but then maybe it's juz all a cover... juz to cover up my weaknesses...

like now. how i try to pretend i'm okies when my dad juz came out of the shower...

once again, i had been proven how hard it is to be "a nice person".

i'm not a nice person at all... how many times have i tried to revert back to the bad, totally insensitive idiot? well... i'm always liddat wad.... no matter how hard u try to cover wadeva flaws u have, u're still.. flawed. there's no way to change it... we are all flawed cos none of us are perfect... then y issit that u muz think that i can do this, i can do that.. and i can do and be everything in the world?

hahaz.. sorry for that senseless ramblings...

i'm not a good sister at all... my sis juz wun tell me her problems.. and appear that she has none... and i'm being the idiotic overbearing sister by hogging the com to type this stupid blog entry now... and with regards to my brother, i appear to be doing nothing to help him in his studies... or to help my mum discipline my brother..

and i'm not a good daughter.. for being so insensitive... so blur... so idiotic... to go and have thoughts of slapping my mum sometimes when she's too irritating... sigh... maybe it's my foul mood... and... sometimes or rather most of the times, i would juz.. heck care abt everything in the familiy... dun care abt housework... or washing dishes after dinner at all...

studies wise... i feel i'm still okies by my own standards, but my mum juz feels i'm still millions of miles away from the 4 A she wanted... lucky she din know abt the s papers thingy... or else i bet she would have used that to make me study even harder now..

and... to my friends... juz feel i'm totally blur and insensitive... can't even tell whether someone is feeling okies or not... i'm such a darn failure... and... i wanna show care and concern... but juz dunno how... and so i'll choose to keep quiet... and juz let that person zi4 shen1 zi4 mie4... i ought to be shot to death.... and i can't help pple keep secrets.... so next time pple out there ur might as well not trust me anymore... dun tell me secrets any more...

and i'm juz a super chor lor girl... who doesn't know how to react when things happen... pple say i look elegant? and the "gao1 bu4 ke3 pan1".... but.... hahaz. they are all wrong.... i'm the person who cannot "gao1 pan1" they themselves.... so i should juz simply keep my mouth shut and juz continue smiling like some idiot.

and now my dad has to help me wash dishes again cos maybe he could tell i was crying before hand... and he tries to pretend he doesn't know.

hahaz...i oso can't understand myself.. it's only results only lehz.. only a stupid chem result with a d... wad for be so upset? the normal me would juz laff at this horrible result and then move on.. but somehow this time, i can't...

i'm not good at anything... not good at studies, not good at being a good friend *where got good friends forget their good frienz birthdays one?* not being a good sister and daughter... i simply have no idea how to be nice... i tot i knew last time.. .turned out i was horribly wrong... i wanted to bring joy to others... turned out i brought more trouble for them... hahaz... smart girl, smart girl...

sighz. shall not hog the com any longer... happy birthday in advance to me. and... being a year older brings me a step closer to eternal slumber... ... time to stop being such a idiot before i have no chances left at all...

senseless ramblings.

sighz... now that i've calmed down much as compared to two days ago, can finally sit down and talk abt wad happened 2 days ago.... aiyah... my mum and bro were once again quarreling cos my brother kept playing on the comp and my mum bu shuang... den my mum started dragging in loads of stuff... like... how no one in the family shows her care and concern... and how nobody listens to her animore... den... the way she puts it... when it has nothing to do with her argument wif my bro... juz makes pple more irritated... and when my brother decides to further dao her, she turns her target to me and starts to scold me for not packing up my stuff... okies... i admit now that i'm at fault for not packing my stuff cos it's really darn messy, budden... that time really very irritated le... so i juz... like.. fu yan her... said yesh.. but in the end my pile of stuff is still lying all over the lace.. hahahaz..

and my stoopid brother... i asked politely whether i could use the comp from him.. he dao me. fine... i said.. silence means consent.. so i used... den 3 mins later, went to toilet... den come back saw him signing off for me without even asking me.... wah lew... i wanna slap him le lohz. first u dao pple, next u disrespect that person, doing things related to that person without asking lohz. i was quite pissed off with him lohz... sighz.... den my mum added on to this.. by commenting that.. dunno when he became liddat.. wah.. really felt like slapping him le.... he not only shows ap to me, he shows it to my mum and everybody.... sighz...

i really dunno wad to do with him.... den when my mum targeted me, she started bringing in how i as his elder sis should not go out so often and stay at home to look after my brother and teach him his hw.... wah~ if he really wants help he could come and ask me, i'll gladly help him... the prob is even when he actually have prob, well.. simply.... that situation wun really occur cos he would always think he's right, and juz anyhow whack that problem.... he juz wun admit that he doesn't know how to do certain stuff... -_-''' sighz.... den u ask me how to help him? haiz.

den now.. stupid computer... i cannot sign into msn.. on my comp... now using my brother's comp cos he's not at home now... phew~ save me from another argument with him.... sighz.

shall talk abt happier stuff now.. like.. yesterday... =)

went out to play badminton with junyi kelvin and zhanxin... <-- kinda surprising that he would actually come out to play... hahaz.. .tot he would only come out when there's ball. :P

aniwae.. was glad to have come out.. cos at home.. always here pple quarreling here and there. siandeds totally...

played badminton. den played bball.. kelvin zhanxin and zhemin were playing against this girl who is from school team and her guy friend... den they wanted me to join in.. budden.. hahaz.. i dunno how to play bball at all when u put me next to all these experts.. hahaz.. in the end... me and junyi sat at the side.. looking at them play.. den decided to play badminton abit. den borrowed zhanxin's ball to start shooting at the other side of the court... den this nice uncle came and zhi dian the two of us. bball idiots.. hahaz... den we found out he was actually a past tchs *arrgh. that school again. but this uncle is different from my irritating brother. hahaz* bball school team player... hahaz... he's quite zai.... no matter how he puts the ball in using underhand lay.. it always goes in even when it seemed not to make it.. :D so he corrected my underhand lay... den i finally took one step towards beating zhanxin at bball... ha~

sighz. i miss bball... hahaz.... =)

sighz. it's driving me crazy.

and i'm going crazier and crazier by the second.

first.... the stupid router decides to give us prob again. now i'm trying hard to salvage the situation....

with my mum and brother quarrelling again in the background.

and somehow when my mum decides she gives up talking to my brother, she shifts her target to me.

darn irritating. when would this ever stop.

and that router. arrgh.

i wanna grow up... but i dun wanna grow up... -_-'''

wanted to blog for quite some time le....

these few days... kinda slack.. but busy.. *wad the heck am i talking?* not studying/mugging --AT ALL-- ..... den everyday go out... play all sorts of stuff like... badminton, bball and vball... hahaz... kinda dots lehz... prelims going to score so badly... still not mugging like siao now... should start mugging like.. now? after my dinner.. hahaz~ *eating delicious pineapple rice now... yummy!*

totally famished now... furnie thing is that i ate loads during lunch todae... i almost couldn't finish my bowl of noodles... den shared dessert with junyi and kelvin... and the three of us went shopping for sheila's present... den went ktv.... den i kept hogging the mic... feel kinda bad cos the two of them not singing.... den like very sians liddat... haiz... paiseh~

and guess wad? despite the fact that i really really desparately have to mug, i'm going out for badminton tomoloz. hahaz.. .wad an irony... =Pp

hmms... juz tot... i'm juz way way too immature and insensitive and... blah blah blah... yesterday someone was saying that i have lousy observation skills... den further back... someone said i'm quite a predictable person... jialats. sighz... i really have lousy observation skills? sighz. shall train up on them.... =(

juz think i'm NOT street smart at all.... and dunno how to react... how how how? feel like such a small little kid in the big world... all sorts of things dunno how to do... maybe it's cos i've been a spoilt kid since young.... my parents would do everything for me... even washing dishes for us now... when i'm so old and supposed to help out in washing ... *actually i'm at fault.. cos sometimes i'm too lazy to wash den they'll have no choice but to help me wash.. blush~* hms.. .den liddat next time go out to society how? kanna bully by everybody out there... sians. hahaz... wanna learn more and grow up more.... but at the same time... dreading the day when i become mature and stuff.... cos the more mature u get, the more imperfect u see ur world and u urself to be... and more grey areas would be open to u.... and... i prefer more of black and white....

oh~ speaking of which... i finally dl-ed the hei1 bai2 hua4 ying4 song by jacky cheung... hahaz! so nice!!! :P

now.. darn tired... shoulders aching like siao... wonder how i'm going to survive another day of badminton tomoloz... -_-''' sighz. i want a massage! :P *okies. think i'm mad le* maybe i'll be put to sleep soon.. in the asylum... cos i'm already supposed to be higher level than level 9.... i need fish...

okiesh. shall go drink soup now...

我不会轻易放弃，我会更坚强，我一定会更坚强！

quote from ツバサ... book 7 is such a nice book!! :D

think i'm too weak le... loads of things dunno how to handle when they're such simple tasks. and... so insensitive... dunno whether it's on purpose or not... maybe i din really mean it bah. so much for insensitivity. sighz...

sighz.

sometimes dunno whether the things around me... whether they're the truth or... juz... lies.... maybe i'm even lying to myself... much less to others around me... and... sighz... the more i think of it.. the more 无奈 i feel sometimes... sighz.

this morning.. had a weird dream... dreamt of someone leaving all of a sudden... cos of something he did and he had to escape or something.. den i was so.. worried though i tried not to show a thing of how i felt... but... guess he and my other friends all saw through me... den... oh well.... i actually cried? dots. maybe i'm juz afraid of uncertainties? dunno...

but that dream... ended with something which would never happen in real life. which is good, or bad... good cos... well.. it's different from reality. bad cos.. it would only happen in dreams... or to be more specific, my dreams... wahahaz. sad case siaz.

but.. in my dream.. i dreamt i was playing bball... and i could shoot the ball through the hoop using a back hand... den threw the ball towards my back where the hoop is without looking back.. and it went in!!! omg.... how i wish that could be real.. hahaz..

speaking of bball... i wanna play bball! wahahahaz.... going out laters to play.. kinda excited bah... =) all of a sudden have this question popping up in my mind.. who is better... michael jordan or yao ming? hahaz... dots. this goes to show how little knowledge i have of these two players bah. dots. -_-

sighz... den my brother is irritating me again. cos he says he need a black long sleeve shirt... only this morning... den he needs it by 2.... and up till now he hasn't called home to confirm whether he really need or not... den my mum is trying to get me to go with her to buy the clothes... but i promised fifi yesterday that i'll go play bball at 11... and she can't play without me cos i'm supposed to bring shorts for her.. arrgh!!! :'(

neway... gtg le... :'(

arrgh. they're at it again.
i'm going mad.

going... going.... gone!

going crazy... going crazy.... gone crazy.

at this rate i'm going. i'm seriously going to go mad.

it's driving me crazy...

i dunno when my brother would finally mature and understand things... maybe he does, but he's juz doing things recklessly....

dunno wad to do to him to make him understand.

well... he probably understands it now... at least he's doing some work... not like me slacking ard here...

kinda worried for his final year exams... he can actually fail his subjects when he's in gep.... and he only fails by a few marks... if he could spend slightly lesser time playing warcraft online... he could do much better.

and he's juz simply as stubborn as a mule.

perhaps it runs in the family.

my mum was screaming at him.... to go do work.... cos.... he was supposed to have half an hour break... in the end he spent abt 20 min reading comments on game forums online, den went onto the server for a game... and he dragged his break time to another 1 hour plus... with my mum yelling at him like siao. i was napping that time... den heard my mum screaming. woke me up.. hahaz....

i could understand why he can't juz walk away from the com at that point in time... he was only halfway through the game, and it's not nice to pangseh all ur comrades in battle and leave them ... probably to die? but with my mum screaming there... and she speaks sense... and i agree with my mum's stand... if my brother wanna play... it's not that he can't... if he can manage his studies well all of us would have no problems with him playing day and night... but he can't.. and he has to focus more on his studies, especially when his final year exams are juz around the corner... and... in his course, if he had done pretty well throughout the whole year, he wun have to take the final year exam. which simply goes to show how jialats the situation is. and he still has no sense of urgency when it's in sept le.. and his exam is in oct. sighz.

sighz. maybe the pot is calling the kettle black.. hahaz.. maybe he's trying to take after me... cos i whole day slack and heck care abt results... but he din realise that no matter how slack i am, i wun allow myself to fail any subject horribly, and would try my very best to salvage my results if it really happened... *though now i'm having slight trouble with that. hahaz.*

maybe i should do something to help my brother... like. dissembling both the pcs in my house. den all of us can't go online. mad ar. hahaz. -_-'''

sighz.

raining.. and raining.. and rain continues to fall..

suddenly, the tune of 白月光 juz keeps ringing in my mind. dunno y oso. hahaz. maybe it's a reflection of my mood now? hahaz.

it's raining again. raining cats and dogs...

for a while. i thought i could forget. guess i was wrong again. as usual. hahaz...

yesterday... had a dream... dreamt i was in this dark dungeon all by myself... i was a mage... fighting in darkness.... and accidentally stumbled across this place with... loads of monsters which seem to never stop coming and charging at me... finally managed to break through these monsters.... and defeat all of them... den i saw this dark place leading deeper into this dungeon... and downstairs seem to have more monsters... ventured further... accidentally dropped to this place which is like a wheel... and i'm standing on the top of it... with... this eye... on the wheel thingy... looked really scary... especially when it's staring at u, and u can't go back to where u came from.... bo bian, had to go further down to look for a way to get out... couldn't move.... so the wheel juz started turning and i was stuck to the wheel... and after dropping onto two other wheels.. i finally dropped to a place... where i further walked on... and found... light.. and some pple who were there... whom i had no idea who they are... and one was like... forcing me to go down this flight of stairs into further darkness, while there were two more guys sitting at a round table.. den i went up to one guy to ask him where that place is... and that guy keep blabbering as though he has some verbal diarrhoea... all of a sudden, i felt so scared... cos... i dunno where i am... dunno how to get out.... felt so lost.. even though i was with... those two guys sitting round the table.. come to think of it, i din feel so lonely when i was alone, beseiged by all those enemies... hahaz... i wonder why...

woke up from that dream... feeling.... a little lost bah. felt as though i couldn't wake up from that dream... perhaps... we would only know how it feels to be lonely only when we once had company... and it's because we know such feeling so well that we would want to seek company...

somehow... though i know it's a dream, i'm still kinda... shaken by it bah. especially the eyes part... dunno y... maybe it's cos whenever i look at someone, the first thing i'll notice is the eyes bah... so when i saw those eyes staring at me from the wheel... it juz freaks me out... somemore i saw 3 of them.. hahaz. silly girl. -_-'''

sighz. feeling.. strange now... trying to forget, but, the memories juz... kept coming back today... maybe it's juz me... trying not to forget in my subconscious... sighz.

is this... being something dangerous for me? cos... the more i try to forget, the more it comes back to me... and.. perhaps... i might choose to leave with the wind... hahaz. no... of course that wun happen.... as long as i'm firm enough. but... wad if? hahaz. -_-'''

sighz. feeling better after my verbal diarrhoea... speaking of diarrhoea... i had a rather bad stomachache this morning.. hahaz... dots.. no link.... but... well... sighz. maths paper!!! drats... lucky i din do pure stats or mech... or else i think i'll die pretty pretty. sighz. budden... i feel that my maths are starting to deprove... no... should be it's deproving like siao. sians. and somemore got physics paper tomoloz... wah!!! :'( sighz. hope prelims can end soon... .. ..

fear.

wanted to write this entry for quite a few days le...finally todae... can sort of sit down and start typing... hahaz..

so many uncertainties... so many questions which had been left unanswered... and so many... changes to the world we live in.... leading us to question whatever answer which had been given to us previously...

and to face all these questions and uncertainties... it's no mean feat.

somehow... fear... might simply accelerate and overtake u no matter how u might have told urself to remain composed in times of this.

afraid that something unexpected would happen again. but then again, since when have our lives been so every predictable?

life is never predictable. sadly... hahaz.

but it's because of such uncertainty which made life even more beautiful.

there are some things which i would love to... seek a... probably... different answer than the one which had been given to me beforehand... somehow... juz had the desire to change whatever ending u call it... and perhaps, in the time i've left now.... i could seek that change i hope for...

and then again. some things are better left alone.

juz had a... rather... unexpected encounter bah... all thanks to my "inquisitive" nature... -_-''' well.. others might not have viewed it as being unexpected... guess this is probably subjective bah. when things juz simply seem to spiral out of ur control... although everything seems fine on the surface, and u seem to have reached a conclusion to that event.... there is still a slight possibility of a sudden change... which might catch one off guard... perhaps that's wad i fear... fear the unknown.... but... since it's unknown... y fear? hahaz. i'm simply contradicting myself.
-_-

even the prelims... i have such a... premonition that i wun do well.... juz a feeling.. but it's kinda scary bah.. hahaz... *actually such things no need to have premonition... juz look at the number of hours i spend online... hahaz. u get the picture... ;P* oh well. guess i'll juz have to try my luck bah... let nature take it's course.. hahaz.

omg. i think i'm starting to sound like someone. or maybe it's that person hu's trying to sound like me. wad am i talking abt. -_-

*wad u are observing now is a rather common phenomena which occurs to patients who are subjected to huge amounts of stress due to a pile of papers.*

sighz. how i wish i've got the power to control change. wahahahaz. fat hope.

彩虹 Rainbow...

song by liang jing ru.. now it's repeating in my head over and over again. :D


彩虹 Rainbow
曲：阿信/梁伯君 词：阿信 编：阿信/梁伯君


坐在浴缸里 莲蓬头 代替我哭泣 像下雨
其实我不知道 眼泪有没有流 就像这故事 你有没有爱过我

虚弱的窗帘 留不住 房里的黑夜 也要走
清晨唤醒了我 照亮昨夜的梦 一直到这时候 才开始有一点懂

你的爱就像彩虹 雨后的天空 绚烂却教人迷惑 蓝绿黄红
你的爱就像彩虹 我张开了手 Oh 却只能抱住风

你的爱就像彩虹 雨后的天空 绚烂却教人迷惑 你的输廓
你的爱就像彩虹 我张开了手 Oh 却只能抱住风

吻我离开我 你就像 出太阳下雨 难捉摸
越是努力揣摩 越是搞不懂 只好慢慢承认 这故事叫做错

Oh 一层一层一层一层一层一层又一层层的迷宫 我来不及回头
Oh 忽左忽右忽上忽下忽东忽西忽前忽后的折磨 都是你的捉弄

你的爱就像彩虹 雨后的天空 绚烂却教人迷惑 蓝绿黄红
你的爱就像彩虹 我张开了手 Oh 却只能抱住风

你的爱就像彩虹 雨后的天空 绚烂却教人迷惑 你的输廓
你的爱就像彩虹 我张开了手 Oh 却只能抱住风

吻我离开我 你就像 出太阳下雨 难捉摸
越是努力挽留 越是一无所有 只好慢慢期待 雨后你的影踪

eh... -_-|||

How deeply in love are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

eh... -_- i juz did this quiz out of fun... dots... this is such a lame result.. hahaz.. but this simply goes to show how siandeds i am.. wahahahaz~

arigatou...

feeling blessed now... cos.. my mum juz bought me the 燕尾蝶 cd which i wanted quite badly... *cos i kept saying how i wanted to get that cd*... and she really bought it and cheong all the way home to let me see the cd.. but i was napping when she reached home.. den she cheonged out of the house again to shop for groceries... arrgh~ so 感动... and feeling so guilty... all thanks to my big mouth. arrgh. should have kept my mouth shut and save up using my own money to go buy that cd. stupid girl.

aniwae... juz came back from maf... going to start listening to the cd finally.. :D shall come back and "report" how nice the cd is... hahaz.... the cd case is a little cracked though... sighz... but... hehez... glad that my mum is so darn nice... :D


是“恋爱的力量”让近三十万人坚持敢爱的相信　　
是“恋爱的力量”让蝉连29周排行榜比永恒更像天方夜谭　　
是“恋爱的力量”改变了我们重新相信流行音乐还有感动两个字　　

每个人都爱上了她声音里的自己 每个人都爱上了她歌里的对方　　
那么小的梁静茹 给了我们那么强的力量　　
这样容易幻灭的年代 如果还有所谓的好缘份　　
我们的好缘份 非梁静茹的声音莫属　　

爱情绝处逢生 美丽破茧而出　　
不抒情年代的情歌奇迹　　
脱胎换骨的梁静茹　　
就是有办法让我们　　
下定爱的决心　　

下定决心蜕变 下定决心爱下去 下定决心要快乐　　
不论被爱或被伤害　　
为自己勇敢的 燕尾蝶

*taken from www.boxup.com*

白月光...

sians... totally siandeds by od le... guess i'll end up using blogger more now...
now listening to this song... makes me wanna melt into it... =) juz like when i hear songs like 纯真 or 黑白画映... hahaz... except that.. this song...reminds me of... certain stuff... hahaz...

白月光
sung by 张信哲

白月光 心里某个地方 那么亮 却那么冰凉
每个人 都有一段悲伤 想隐藏 却欲盖弥彰

白月光 在天涯的两端 在心上 却不在身旁
擦不干 你当时的泪光 路太长 追不回原谅

你是我 不能言说的伤 想遗忘 又忍不住回想
想流亡 一路跌跌撞撞 你的捆绑 无法释放

白月光 在天涯的两端 越隐瞒 越觉得孤单
擦不干 回忆理的泪光 路太长 怎么补偿

你是我 不能言说的伤 想遗忘 又忍不住回想
想流亡 一路跌跌撞撞 你的捆绑 无法释放

白月光 心里某个地方 那么亮 却那么冰凉
每个人 都有一段悲伤 想隐藏 却在生长

宁夏...

all of a sudden... wanna post this song...
hahaz... it might juz be how i feel now... :P... it sounds like a lallaby... :P nice song to... put me to... lala land... =)

宁夏
sung by 梁静茹

宁静的夏天 天空中繁星点点
心里头有些思念 思念着你的脸
我可以假装看不见 也可以偷偷地想念
直到让我摸到你那温暖的脸

宁静的夏天 天空中繁星点点
心里头有些思念 思念着你的脸
我可以假装看不见 也可以偷偷地想念
直到让我摸到你那温暖的脸

知了也睡了 安心的睡了 在我心里面 宁静的夏天
知了也睡了 安心的睡了 在我心里面 宁静的夏天

宁静的夏天 天空中繁星点点
心里头有些思念 思念着你的脸
我可以假装看不见 也可以偷偷地想念
直到让我摸到你那温暖的脸

那是个宁静的夏天 你来到宁夏的那一天

知了也睡了 安心的睡了 在我心里面 宁静的夏天
知了也睡了 安心的睡了 在我心里面 宁静的夏天

confused.

someone tell me wad to do...
utterly confused. dunno wad to do.
dun want to hurt anybody le. but, i ended up hurting others more.
if we were together in the first place, maybe things wouldn't have happened.
but we weren't.
and maybe it's my fault that this happened.
all of us are tired.
once, i thought, how nice if... someone could come, and juz take me away from this world.
but now, i realised that, i dun want to leave in the first place...

叶的离去，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留？

i once thought... if the leaf was persistent enough, it would never have left the tree even though the tree didn't try to stop it from leaving.
but i guess i was probably wrong.

the leaf can have times when it's totally tired...

and that's when... it would choose to leave when a wind is strong enough to blow it off it's place...
but... by leaving the tree, to a certain extent... the leaf is deceiving the wind... and perhaps, using the wind as a substitute..
it's totally unfair to the wind.
though the tree might have loved to have gotten rid of the leaf, and leaving the tree might seem to be the best way out for the leaf and the tree... but somehow...

perhaps, the best solution is to simply shrivel up and fall off the tree, and land softly on the ground, without succumbing to the wind's pursuit.

燕尾蝶下定爱的决心...

arrgh... opendiary's down again. and i'm having a headache from mugging. arrgh.
aniwae.. juz wanna post some lyrics again... hahaz.. and pray that my headache would go away...
sighz.. i think i'm going to die from panadol overdose someday...
oh.. and.. her cd's coming out soon! yay! i'm going get it~~~ :D :D :D


燕尾蝶
曲：Rocker/阿信 | 词：Rocker/阿信 | 编：St

兴高采烈的破蛹 华丽新生的冲动 寻找灿烂 禁地 美梦
主宰爱情的是谁 奋不顾身的扑火 就算轮回 只为 衬托

你笑 你哭 你的动作 都是我的圣经 珍惜的背颂
我喜 我悲 我的生活 为你放弃自由 要 为 你 左右

你是火 你是风 你是织网的恶魔
破碎的 燕尾蝶 太多最后的美梦
你是火 你是风 你是天使的诱惑
让我做燕尾蝶 拥抱最后的美梦

让我短暂快乐很感动

兴高采烈的破蛹 冲破心神的冲动 寻找爱情世界 美梦
既然不是毛毛虫 就要壮烈的扑火 短短青春 要像 烟火

自生 自爱 自个挥霍 挥霍我的色采 在你 的天空
你想 你说 而要我做 其实我很快乐 全都因为

你是火 你是风 你是织网的恶魔
破碎的 燕尾蝶 太多最后的美梦
你是火 你是风 你是天使的诱惑
让我做 燕尾蝶 拥抱最后的美梦

让我短暂快乐很感动

你是火 你是风 你是织网的恶魔
破碎的 燕尾蝶 太多最后的美梦
你是火 你是风 你是天使的诱惑
让我做 燕尾蝶 拥抱最后的美梦

让我快乐让我痛

back!!!

oh... here i am... back.. to change the template of my oh so boring blog.. lolz~ aniwae... hope u *or rather myself since i dun think there's anyone out there reading my blog* like this new look.. tata~