i've never felt like puking so much before. not literally. ok maybe it can become literal. i'm suffering from overdose of software engineering. and i feel like killing the person who set the tutorial questions. i spent the entire night trying to memorise a tutorial by first reading and memorising the notes, then turning to the tutorial to see if my memory work is there. BUT the tutorial questions are totally unrelated to the notes!!! OMG. RAWR. wad a total waste of time. and by the time i started memorising the tutorial solution my mind was saturated from the notes =S originally i can memorise the entire tutorial in 2 hrs, now i need 1hr to memorise 1qn out of total of 7 qns in the entire tutorial. *pukes*
even green tea isn't helping. guess it's the lack of sleep then...
08 November 2007
i felt like i've cried out my soul... the accumulated grief and sorrow for the past few years... thanks to pey lun... thanks for listening. i really feel much much better now. and little more hopeful. maybe i can trust and believe in others a little more now. and to stop denying myself of my happiness... yes! a step closer to making my birthday wish come true!
i'm too serious about others petty remarks at times... i'm sorry for that. so i'll take note on my attitude towards them when such things happen in the future. actually i'm quite mad at myself for being upset over some comments or remarks that are just irresponsible or 没经过大脑... so now, i'll control my irritation or anger by looking at events in a different light so that i wouldn't be so easily pissed. pissed not pissed at ok?
for now... let's throw all these to the back of mind... and 加油！がんばって！i believe i can finish my tutorials by sunday! *another freaking 9 tutorials waiting for me...*
i'm too serious about others petty remarks at times... i'm sorry for that. so i'll take note on my attitude towards them when such things happen in the future. actually i'm quite mad at myself for being upset over some comments or remarks that are just irresponsible or 没经过大脑... so now, i'll control my irritation or anger by looking at events in a different light so that i wouldn't be so easily pissed. pissed not pissed at ok?
for now... let's throw all these to the back of mind... and 加油！がんばって！i believe i can finish my tutorials by sunday! *another freaking 9 tutorials waiting for me...*
Umbrella
By YUI
ちゃぶ ちゃぶ 雨がふる二丁目の路地
あなたを迎えに駅までゆくの
ちゃぶ ちゃぶ 本当はケンカしたから
放っておきたいけれど...
黒い傘 忘れてた だから
待ってるのよ ずっと待ってるの
許してあげる だから早く my darling
改札口が見える この場所で
困り果てた あなたの事 捜すけれど
今夜も帰りが遅いね
ちゃぶ ちゃぶ降り続く二人の間に
小さな水たまり
白い靴 汚れてた だけど
待ってるのよ ずっと待ってるの
許してあげる だから早く my darling
改札口が見える この場所で
手を振っている あなたの事 捜すけれど
今夜も帰りが遅いね
わかってるはずなのに
雨が降るたび ここに来てしまう
今夜も 待ってるのよ ずっと待ってるの
許してほしい あたしのこと my darling
改札口が暗くなるたびに
優しかった あなたの事 想って泣いた
今夜も帰りが遅いね 今夜も帰りが遅いね
Here's the english translation ^^
Pitter, patter, rain falls on the alleyway between two city blocks
I'm going to the station to meet you
Pitter, patter, actually we had a fight
I wanted to leave you alone
But you forgot your black umbrella
I wait, I'll wait forever
I forgive you, so hurry, my darling
I can see where the ticket gates are
But I was confused, I will search through the things about you
Tonight you're late home again
Pitter, patter, it continued to rain between the two of us
These little drops of water
Made my white shoes dirty, but...
I wait, I'll wait forever
I forgive you, so hurry, my darling
I can see where the ticket gates are
Though I will be waving, I will search through the things about you
Tonight you're late home again
You should know
That when it rains I'll come here
Tonight I wait again, I'll wait forever
I want to forgive you for your actions, my darling
Each time the ticket gate becomes dark
I thought of how sweet you were and cried
Tonight, you're home late again
Tonight, you're home late again
By YUI
ちゃぶ ちゃぶ 雨がふる二丁目の路地
あなたを迎えに駅までゆくの
ちゃぶ ちゃぶ 本当はケンカしたから
放っておきたいけれど...
黒い傘 忘れてた だから
待ってるのよ ずっと待ってるの
許してあげる だから早く my darling
改札口が見える この場所で
困り果てた あなたの事 捜すけれど
今夜も帰りが遅いね
ちゃぶ ちゃぶ降り続く二人の間に
小さな水たまり
白い靴 汚れてた だけど
待ってるのよ ずっと待ってるの
許してあげる だから早く my darling
改札口が見える この場所で
手を振っている あなたの事 捜すけれど
今夜も帰りが遅いね
わかってるはずなのに
雨が降るたび ここに来てしまう
今夜も 待ってるのよ ずっと待ってるの
許してほしい あたしのこと my darling
改札口が暗くなるたびに
優しかった あなたの事 想って泣いた
今夜も帰りが遅いね 今夜も帰りが遅いね
Here's the english translation ^^
Pitter, patter, rain falls on the alleyway between two city blocks
I'm going to the station to meet you
Pitter, patter, actually we had a fight
I wanted to leave you alone
But you forgot your black umbrella
I wait, I'll wait forever
I forgive you, so hurry, my darling
I can see where the ticket gates are
But I was confused, I will search through the things about you
Tonight you're late home again
Pitter, patter, it continued to rain between the two of us
These little drops of water
Made my white shoes dirty, but...
I wait, I'll wait forever
I forgive you, so hurry, my darling
I can see where the ticket gates are
Though I will be waving, I will search through the things about you
Tonight you're late home again
You should know
That when it rains I'll come here
Tonight I wait again, I'll wait forever
I want to forgive you for your actions, my darling
Each time the ticket gate becomes dark
I thought of how sweet you were and cried
Tonight, you're home late again
Tonight, you're home late again
07 November 2007
sometimes i just think that i'm a really difficult person.
i hate it whenever i get angry or upset. which i do very often these days at people who most probably don't have the intention of making me so. maybe it's just that i haven't been mixing with people long enough for me to control my temper proper. or maybe it's just that i'm taking everything too seriously? i don't know. sometimes i kind of feel bad in afterthought after i threw my temper or something. but sometimes when i fly into a rage i don't feel i'm in the wrong.
whenever others are upset or angry, i always tell them this: take in a deep breath. sometimes in the heat of things it's hard to do so isn't it. rage will fling all your rational thoughts and restrain on yourself far to the back of your mind. how then, can one train up their level of tolerance when they face this kind of things? interact with "irritating" people more often? lolx~
in order to find out more, i did an internet search. guess what? the articles that turned up are mostly meant for kids. ok i'm sorry i'm behaving like a kid ok. =(
anyways, some tips from the sites i came across...
from http://www.wikihow.com/Control-Your-Temper
1. Realise that things can be handled well at times, it's just a matter of what kind of attitude you put into it.
2. Get away from situations where your anger might get the best of you. (eg. ignore the person irritating you etc.)
3. When you are angry, stay calm and take deep breaths, close your eyes for a while and you will find that the situation is under control, and slowly master your anger.
from http://www.wikihow.com/Control-Your-Anger
1. When angry, be diplomatic or make a witty comment, instead of yelling. This way, if the other person overreacts, it makes you look good and them look bad.
2. Try thinking of stuff that you are thankful for. The more specific, the better. You can't be truly angry and thankful at the same time.
3. Meditation is a useful way to release stress and/or anxiety, which are often prerequisites to anger. Do not meditate when you are angry, as this could have a negative effect on your anger. Instead, meditate when you have calmed down and are in complete control of your thoughts and emotions.
4. Remember, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side. XD
haha i wonder if i'm witty enough to make witty comments... but yeaps, hope that i'll be able to have more self-restrain on my emotions the next time i meet with similar situations...
i hate it whenever i get angry or upset. which i do very often these days at people who most probably don't have the intention of making me so. maybe it's just that i haven't been mixing with people long enough for me to control my temper proper. or maybe it's just that i'm taking everything too seriously? i don't know. sometimes i kind of feel bad in afterthought after i threw my temper or something. but sometimes when i fly into a rage i don't feel i'm in the wrong.
whenever others are upset or angry, i always tell them this: take in a deep breath. sometimes in the heat of things it's hard to do so isn't it. rage will fling all your rational thoughts and restrain on yourself far to the back of your mind. how then, can one train up their level of tolerance when they face this kind of things? interact with "irritating" people more often? lolx~
in order to find out more, i did an internet search. guess what? the articles that turned up are mostly meant for kids. ok i'm sorry i'm behaving like a kid ok. =(
anyways, some tips from the sites i came across...
from http://www.wikihow.com/Control-Your-Temper
1. Realise that things can be handled well at times, it's just a matter of what kind of attitude you put into it.
2. Get away from situations where your anger might get the best of you. (eg. ignore the person irritating you etc.)
3. When you are angry, stay calm and take deep breaths, close your eyes for a while and you will find that the situation is under control, and slowly master your anger.
from http://www.wikihow.com/Control-Your-Anger
1. When angry, be diplomatic or make a witty comment, instead of yelling. This way, if the other person overreacts, it makes you look good and them look bad.
2. Try thinking of stuff that you are thankful for. The more specific, the better. You can't be truly angry and thankful at the same time.
3. Meditation is a useful way to release stress and/or anxiety, which are often prerequisites to anger. Do not meditate when you are angry, as this could have a negative effect on your anger. Instead, meditate when you have calmed down and are in complete control of your thoughts and emotions.
4. Remember, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side. XD
haha i wonder if i'm witty enough to make witty comments... but yeaps, hope that i'll be able to have more self-restrain on my emotions the next time i meet with similar situations...
06 November 2007
i want to chase away depression, tears and bad memories!
nothing will bring me down! never say die!
wad about that bad dream? or my bad grades? wad's most important now is to finish up my work and do well for my exams. that's the only way to salvage the current situation, so don't be down! 元気に出して！がんばって！
加油！
nothing will bring me down! never say die!
wad about that bad dream? or my bad grades? wad's most important now is to finish up my work and do well for my exams. that's the only way to salvage the current situation, so don't be down! 元気に出して！がんばって！
加油！
04 November 2007
been procrastinating the entire day... morning i skipped swimming with my family, saying i wanted more sleep. then in the afternoon i played a chinese rpg my friend sent me yesterday.... now it's 7.20pm and i'm still sulking here, eating my first proper meal of the day.
how should one handle people who are nice to you because they want something from being nice to you? and after that if they see no profit in being nice to you, they'll just ignore you? i tried to ask my mum for advise, and she says just avoid coming into contact with them. but running away is not a solution. another way out would be to be nice to them and eat off whatever profits one can gain from being on close terms with them. but that's kinda against my principles.
talking to randy really made me feel much better... it's inevitable that we have to come into contact with such people despite how hard we try to avoid them... so once they come up to you and start asking for something, it is advised to...
1. reject in ways depending on your current steam level.
- steam level 1: tell them that you don't have it with you at the moment
- steam level 2: tell them you don't want to give it to them
- steam level 3: tell them you wouldn't even give it to them over your dead body
2. always try to remain neutral with them. it's not good if you go 翻脸 with them and make things really 疆... erms dunno whether the chinese word is correct or not... haha~
3. if u're really irritated with this kind of person, practise smiling. criteria of this kind of smile are as follows:
- fake
- is a function of time where it lasts not more than a second
hahas... enough of ranting... i hope i'll stop procrastinating and go do my tutorials after dinner... =(
how should one handle people who are nice to you because they want something from being nice to you? and after that if they see no profit in being nice to you, they'll just ignore you? i tried to ask my mum for advise, and she says just avoid coming into contact with them. but running away is not a solution. another way out would be to be nice to them and eat off whatever profits one can gain from being on close terms with them. but that's kinda against my principles.
talking to randy really made me feel much better... it's inevitable that we have to come into contact with such people despite how hard we try to avoid them... so once they come up to you and start asking for something, it is advised to...
1. reject in ways depending on your current steam level.
- steam level 1: tell them that you don't have it with you at the moment
- steam level 2: tell them you don't want to give it to them
- steam level 3: tell them you wouldn't even give it to them over your dead body
2. always try to remain neutral with them. it's not good if you go 翻脸 with them and make things really 疆... erms dunno whether the chinese word is correct or not... haha~
3. if u're really irritated with this kind of person, practise smiling. criteria of this kind of smile are as follows:
- fake
- is a function of time where it lasts not more than a second
hahas... enough of ranting... i hope i'll stop procrastinating and go do my tutorials after dinner... =(
01 November 2007
it's time to say goodbye to Halloween *and just about time to say hi to November... argh!* another yet... unproductive? day? lolx~ i guess having overworked isn't such a good thing afterall...
and stupid me decided to snack on nuts today! argh there goes my diet! my weight went back up to before the diet!!! OMGOMGOMG!!! rawrs. so to kind of compensate for the extra weight i put on just cos of my snacks, i went jogging again =(
well if i did mention here before, i really hated jogging. it's the most boring sport i can ever think of... u just keep running like no tomorrow, to just shed excess energy and weight. not fun at all! but... jogging clears your mind... when i'm running in the stadium... the only thought in my mind was... another xxx rounds! jiayou! *ok i'm a lousy runner i need such motivation to keep myself moving* yups... it has some sort of optimistic motivation for me... and i can think about the things that had been troubling me while counting and trying to keep my pace... sounds like ultra multitasking haha~
anyways... there's no point for me to feel upset over something's that's past for so long. though even up till now i still have my resentments towards an individual... but there's nothing i can do. and no point in patching up now i suppose. though it would have been a good idea, but i'd wonder about each others' motives if that really happens. so yeaps. things wouldn't change. life still goes on whether i like it a not. but i can choose to live each day in pain or to live each day with happiness. i want the latter. and small things like these can't beat me down! yeahs!
now... onward to my tutorials!
and stupid me decided to snack on nuts today! argh there goes my diet! my weight went back up to before the diet!!! OMGOMGOMG!!! rawrs. so to kind of compensate for the extra weight i put on just cos of my snacks, i went jogging again =(
well if i did mention here before, i really hated jogging. it's the most boring sport i can ever think of... u just keep running like no tomorrow, to just shed excess energy and weight. not fun at all! but... jogging clears your mind... when i'm running in the stadium... the only thought in my mind was... another xxx rounds! jiayou! *ok i'm a lousy runner i need such motivation to keep myself moving* yups... it has some sort of optimistic motivation for me... and i can think about the things that had been troubling me while counting and trying to keep my pace... sounds like ultra multitasking haha~
anyways... there's no point for me to feel upset over something's that's past for so long. though even up till now i still have my resentments towards an individual... but there's nothing i can do. and no point in patching up now i suppose. though it would have been a good idea, but i'd wonder about each others' motives if that really happens. so yeaps. things wouldn't change. life still goes on whether i like it a not. but i can choose to live each day in pain or to live each day with happiness. i want the latter. and small things like these can't beat me down! yeahs!
now... onward to my tutorials!
31 October 2007
i dunno why i'm feeling kinda... depressed now? maybe it's the wonderful weather... raindrops falling, at this time of the night, and i'm extremely tired and can't go on with my tutorials... at this time i usually let my mind drift... despite having a really fun conversation with my brother's gf now *and bitching abt my brother hahahahaha i'm joking =)* somehow everything feels empty. can't explain this feeling anyway. it seems like everytime i bring up that particular topic i'll feel empty.
although in my mind i know that this is already in the past, somehow whenever i talk abt this matter, those bad memories keep coming back to haunt me... can't u just let me go on and start my new life?
and it's strange... i can talk to sarah *my brother's gf* like some long lost old friend... talking cock just like how i'd talk to my friends normally, i can also talk to my close friends like weijie without having to think hard to continue the conversation, but i can't talk or converse properly with certain other individuals. maybe we just don't click or the chemistry isn't there? but i geniunely want to talk to the other individuals more and learn more about them! though i just met sarah the first time in my entire life... i dunno why i feel i can talk to her without feeling much restrain. sighz why is my mind so complex?
although in my mind i know that this is already in the past, somehow whenever i talk abt this matter, those bad memories keep coming back to haunt me... can't u just let me go on and start my new life?
and it's strange... i can talk to sarah *my brother's gf* like some long lost old friend... talking cock just like how i'd talk to my friends normally, i can also talk to my close friends like weijie without having to think hard to continue the conversation, but i can't talk or converse properly with certain other individuals. maybe we just don't click or the chemistry isn't there? but i geniunely want to talk to the other individuals more and learn more about them! though i just met sarah the first time in my entire life... i dunno why i feel i can talk to her without feeling much restrain. sighz why is my mind so complex?
30 October 2007
so tireds... i had to go to sleep at... *my normal?* time yesterday before 12... when i wanted to try to do another tutorial before i went to sleep... maybe it's time for me to pull back my sleeping time these days... like.. to have 5hrs or sleep everyday or something? lol~ exams are coming and there's so much workload waiting for me... and yet i have the time to blog?! talk about irony...
i insist! i'm just trying to destress ^^
and sometimes i wonder if i'm just someone who's really bad at conversations =S
i insist! i'm just trying to destress ^^
and sometimes i wonder if i'm just someone who's really bad at conversations =S
29 October 2007
everything... is just like a dream.
today i finally finished giving tuition to mark. wad a trouble kid. we suan each other about today being my final maths lesson to him for o lvls, unlike how i became kind of emo when i had my "final" lesson with bobby. but... after the lesson today, i feel terribly tired and yet satisfied... like i've walked mark through the entire (hell load) year of o lvl maths... and not forgetting the same maths (shit) with bobby... these two kids ah... no respect no manners but i dunno y i like teaching and talking to them alot... i can tell them some of the stuff that i wouldn't dare to tell others in my same age... sometimes it's like looking at me when i'm younger like their age... and sometimes i envy the crazy things they do (like how mark will put on this blue recycling bag on his head with the word terrorist, and then bursting into classes halfway through lesson to scare the fellow classmates LOL)... but good thing is, somehow it wouldn't be the last time i'll be meeting with mark and bobby, cos we have some sort of a meeting after exams for me to claim my pay from bobby! rawrs how can u withhold my pay!
but the good thing is, now i can finally focus on my tutorials... i've got another 22 tutorials on my list of tutorials to complete... in the coming 2 weeks. monday's already gone since i'm too tired to do anything now i guess... hais another long long week ahead of me... and my horoscope says i should not overwork myself! eeks!
i want a digital camera, webcam, microphone and loads of sleep! rawrs!
today i finally finished giving tuition to mark. wad a trouble kid. we suan each other about today being my final maths lesson to him for o lvls, unlike how i became kind of emo when i had my "final" lesson with bobby. but... after the lesson today, i feel terribly tired and yet satisfied... like i've walked mark through the entire (hell load) year of o lvl maths... and not forgetting the same maths (shit) with bobby... these two kids ah... no respect no manners but i dunno y i like teaching and talking to them alot... i can tell them some of the stuff that i wouldn't dare to tell others in my same age... sometimes it's like looking at me when i'm younger like their age... and sometimes i envy the crazy things they do (like how mark will put on this blue recycling bag on his head with the word terrorist, and then bursting into classes halfway through lesson to scare the fellow classmates LOL)... but good thing is, somehow it wouldn't be the last time i'll be meeting with mark and bobby, cos we have some sort of a meeting after exams for me to claim my pay from bobby! rawrs how can u withhold my pay!
but the good thing is, now i can finally focus on my tutorials... i've got another 22 tutorials on my list of tutorials to complete... in the coming 2 weeks. monday's already gone since i'm too tired to do anything now i guess... hais another long long week ahead of me... and my horoscope says i should not overwork myself! eeks!
i want a digital camera, webcam, microphone and loads of sleep! rawrs!
28 October 2007
27 October 2007
又到了夜静的时候了。乘脑子还在酒精的影响之下，我决定了。我不想再为此事而烦恼。一个似乎不曾关心过我的人，我为何要为他难过？这根本没必要。所以我不准再为此事感到难过！
一切都只是一场梦。快乐悲伤，都让我感到莫名的空虚。明明就不应该是这样的嘛。还是我已超越了人拥有丰富感情的那个境界？
感觉一直以来我都在扑空。不曾拥有什么。或许以后也不会拥有任何东西。这种空虚的感觉，难道就是所谓的真实吗？
i know i should go to sleep now, but the other side of me tells me not to... feel like pushing myself further more to do some work now... but... hais.
give me a little bit more time, and i shall be back to the energetic and crazy girl i was...
一切都只是一场梦。快乐悲伤，都让我感到莫名的空虚。明明就不应该是这样的嘛。还是我已超越了人拥有丰富感情的那个境界？
感觉一直以来我都在扑空。不曾拥有什么。或许以后也不会拥有任何东西。这种空虚的感觉，难道就是所谓的真实吗？
i know i should go to sleep now, but the other side of me tells me not to... feel like pushing myself further more to do some work now... but... hais.
give me a little bit more time, and i shall be back to the energetic and crazy girl i was...
25 October 2007
it's a rather old song, but when i saw the mtv today, i can't help but feel my tears roll down my cheeks...
When You're Gone
Avril Lavigne
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
(chorus)
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words i need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
(chorus)
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
(chorus)
When You're Gone
Avril Lavigne
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
(chorus)
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words i need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
(chorus)
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
(chorus)
i finally koped some photos from yihui's 21st party! ok lah i'll just post one here for rememberance... ^^
once again, a really happy (belated) birthday to yihui! a bit paiseh i couldn't stay till the cake cutting on ur party itself, but i wish that u'll be blessed in this upcoming year... and not be troubled by love matters so much! ^^ in the picture there's me, yihui and then jiayuan... haha long time never meet my fellow 4/11 friends, but somehow they don't seem to have changed! really glad to see them again at yihui's party even for that short while... caught up with jiayuan and qiu yun (yes my fellow qy! ^^) still as hilarious the two of them... now that i think about it i kinda miss the times fooling ard with them... =)
「私のことが好きです」と言われる事はほんとに難しいですよ。
it is really tough for one to be able to say "i like the things about myself".
for a while, i thought i was able to do it. i was able to like the things about me and feel good about it. until last night, when i had to talk about a particular experience. although i thought i had gotten past it, somehow when i started talking about it, 我突然有一股怒气冲了上来。and after that, it took me a really long while to cool down and be able to fall asleep. i don't like that aspect of myself. i don't like how i wasn't able to smile and joke about that past experience as though it was nothing *though on the surface i did since it was on msn... i told the other party in conversation that it's nothing. but i wasn't smiling when i typed out the messages.* deep down i knew. it's a funny feeling to be unable to come clean to myself that somehow, i still care a lot about this issue. and i thought and had told myself that i'm going to let go. have i really let go?
i feel like such a hypocrite. i purposely did some things for some motives which i consider dumb and blond now... shall not go into the details... and now i feel like such an idiot. why am i doing these things in the first place? i shouldn't be doing things that might cause others to misunderstand isn't it... like not being too close with certain people when i do and still have some sort of personal barrier i can't cross myself.
i want to be able to let go. haven't i been doing fine all these while? why let all these negativity come back to me when i'm just feeling sunshiny? is this all a joke?
will i be able to love myself and find inner peace?
once again, a really happy (belated) birthday to yihui! a bit paiseh i couldn't stay till the cake cutting on ur party itself, but i wish that u'll be blessed in this upcoming year... and not be troubled by love matters so much! ^^ in the picture there's me, yihui and then jiayuan... haha long time never meet my fellow 4/11 friends, but somehow they don't seem to have changed! really glad to see them again at yihui's party even for that short while... caught up with jiayuan and qiu yun (yes my fellow qy! ^^) still as hilarious the two of them... now that i think about it i kinda miss the times fooling ard with them... =)
「私のことが好きです」と言われる事はほんとに難しいですよ。
it is really tough for one to be able to say "i like the things about myself".
for a while, i thought i was able to do it. i was able to like the things about me and feel good about it. until last night, when i had to talk about a particular experience. although i thought i had gotten past it, somehow when i started talking about it, 我突然有一股怒气冲了上来。and after that, it took me a really long while to cool down and be able to fall asleep. i don't like that aspect of myself. i don't like how i wasn't able to smile and joke about that past experience as though it was nothing *though on the surface i did since it was on msn... i told the other party in conversation that it's nothing. but i wasn't smiling when i typed out the messages.* deep down i knew. it's a funny feeling to be unable to come clean to myself that somehow, i still care a lot about this issue. and i thought and had told myself that i'm going to let go. have i really let go?
i feel like such a hypocrite. i purposely did some things for some motives which i consider dumb and blond now... shall not go into the details... and now i feel like such an idiot. why am i doing these things in the first place? i shouldn't be doing things that might cause others to misunderstand isn't it... like not being too close with certain people when i do and still have some sort of personal barrier i can't cross myself.
i want to be able to let go. haven't i been doing fine all these while? why let all these negativity come back to me when i'm just feeling sunshiny? is this all a joke?
will i be able to love myself and find inner peace?
24 October 2007
モラルの葬式
作詞: アンジェラ・アキ
作曲: アンジェラ・アキ
フクロウの鳴き声は「死」の警報で
闇が傷口を開いて満月を出す
信者から不信心者 神父達まで
喪服を着て風の声に耳をすました
今宵はモラルの葬式だ
Pater Noster
流れ星は空の涙 樹々の嗚咽が森に響く
湖は悲哀を 水面を渡る風に伝え
その風が皆を葬儀場に呼んだ
今宵はモラルの葬式だ
前の方に愛が座り その隣には
哲学がタバコをくわえ思いにふける
プライドと献身はその真後ろで
やけに深刻な顔をして話し込んでいる
誰もが動揺を隠せない
Pater Noster
知恵に手を引かれたまだ幼い無垢が
棺の中に白いバラを投げ込むと
理性が席を立って 黒いベールをまくり
式の最後に皆の前で
ゆっくりと語り始めた
「息子との突然の別れに私は今 心を乱している
凛とした彼の声 まっすぐなまなざしを
いつまでも忘れない
今でもきっと灯台の様に
私達を照らしている
迷った時 はぐれた時 道が見えない時
善と悪の節目にそっと あなたの心に 彼は生き続ける」
Pater Noster
同情が激しくうなずき 拍手が起こり
真実が理性の耳元で言った
「私も息子がいたの
希望がいなくなっても彼は今でも
皆の中で生きている」
フクロウが鳴き止んで飛び立った頃
朝もやをかきわけながら太陽が出た
私はいつも勇気を持って、元気になりたい。
昨日はほんとに最高だ。Ｐｒｅｓｅｎｔａｔｉｏｎが終わって、先生に教えて、いいコメントをもらった。まだとても上手になったけど、今回のはこの前のよりいいと思って、ちょっと嬉しいです。そして、Ｅメールをチェックして、奨学金をもらった！\（＾ｖ＾）/やった！それ以上じゃなくて、ＭｉｃｒｏｓｏｆｔからＥメールももらった。来年上海にＭｉｃｒｏｓｏｆｔでａｔｔａｔｃｈｍｅｎｔをするチャンスをくれました。今覚えてもとても嬉しいですよ！だから、今声を返さなくてもいいぞ！＾＾
wow it sure is hard to type out my thoughts in japanese... though it's a good chance for me to practise since i'm taking jlpt 3 at the end of this year... i'm starting to crash the japanese lessons lee sensei is having with the actual hmj4 people, so far things aren't too bad, just that i need to find time to finish the work she gives... in addition to trying to catch up with all the grammer items that i missed out since i only started crashing like... when she almost finished going through all the grammar stuff? lol!
next up in my list of challenges to conquer... the ee3017 quiz on friday! i haven't finished all my tutorials yet, still have another 3 more to go i think... plus i wanna do my ee3014 tutorial today as well... and i need to go to the library to borrow books to prepare for my interview with microsoft... hmmms i think i should go to the library to study, but i'm scared that my constant coughing will irritate other fellow library users... wad should i do? =S
i wish i can continue to be as energetic as i was before... and to have the courage to show my kindness to others... and to show my "true" self... although i can't tell exactly what my true self is... but i feel i'm happiest when i'm mingling with people i like... and being unafraid to give and help them. i was afraid of being taken advantage of by others, this situation doesn't change even now, but... if i take a small step... who knows? would a miracle happen or something? haha~
and on a final note... 終極一家 ended last night on taiwan tv! so sadeds! no more 大東!!! hais... so sad to leave this fantastic series and cast that i didn't watch 2 days worth of the show... cos it's the finale... maybe i shall leave it till this weekend when my quiz is over? lol~ 夏天!孟主!蘭陵王!夏宇夏美!還有阿公!我會想念你們的!
<(TT m TT)>
昨日はほんとに最高だ。Ｐｒｅｓｅｎｔａｔｉｏｎが終わって、先生に教えて、いいコメントをもらった。まだとても上手になったけど、今回のはこの前のよりいいと思って、ちょっと嬉しいです。そして、Ｅメールをチェックして、奨学金をもらった！\（＾ｖ＾）/やった！それ以上じゃなくて、ＭｉｃｒｏｓｏｆｔからＥメールももらった。来年上海にＭｉｃｒｏｓｏｆｔでａｔｔａｔｃｈｍｅｎｔをするチャンスをくれました。今覚えてもとても嬉しいですよ！だから、今声を返さなくてもいいぞ！＾＾
wow it sure is hard to type out my thoughts in japanese... though it's a good chance for me to practise since i'm taking jlpt 3 at the end of this year... i'm starting to crash the japanese lessons lee sensei is having with the actual hmj4 people, so far things aren't too bad, just that i need to find time to finish the work she gives... in addition to trying to catch up with all the grammer items that i missed out since i only started crashing like... when she almost finished going through all the grammar stuff? lol!
next up in my list of challenges to conquer... the ee3017 quiz on friday! i haven't finished all my tutorials yet, still have another 3 more to go i think... plus i wanna do my ee3014 tutorial today as well... and i need to go to the library to borrow books to prepare for my interview with microsoft... hmmms i think i should go to the library to study, but i'm scared that my constant coughing will irritate other fellow library users... wad should i do? =S
i wish i can continue to be as energetic as i was before... and to have the courage to show my kindness to others... and to show my "true" self... although i can't tell exactly what my true self is... but i feel i'm happiest when i'm mingling with people i like... and being unafraid to give and help them. i was afraid of being taken advantage of by others, this situation doesn't change even now, but... if i take a small step... who knows? would a miracle happen or something? haha~
and on a final note... 終極一家 ended last night on taiwan tv! so sadeds! no more 大東!!! hais... so sad to leave this fantastic series and cast that i didn't watch 2 days worth of the show... cos it's the finale... maybe i shall leave it till this weekend when my quiz is over? lol~ 夏天!孟主!蘭陵王!夏宇夏美!還有阿公!我會想念你們的!
<(TT m TT)>
22 October 2007
can i be emo just for tonight?
ok i realised that i'm emo for most of the nights anyway... LOL.
tomorrow's my presentation on managing difficult people. doing up on this topic actually leaves me with a really funny feeling. we're all talking about how to DEAL with difficult people, but have we ever thought whether WE are the difficult people in question? haha from the data and characteristics we discussed in the presentation, i realised that i can be quite a difficult person in other people's point of view. which is a bad thing isn't it...
difficult people are everywhere. in my part of the presentation i actually mentioned the various characteristics that would land someone under the category of being difficult : always complaining, extremely picky, does not listen, refuse to give feedback, can't be bothered, self-centered, or inconsiderate. come to think of it, i fall into these quite often isn't it =X it's so easy to be difficult, yet hard to handle these difficult people. i feel that instead of just managing difficult people, we should also learn to manage our own tendencies to be difficult. but of course, we can't go up, present to others and tell them straight in the face that they have the tendency to be difficult and thus they should look out for their difficult behavior. nonono, people don't like to be accused of this, with the probable exception of me perhaps?
while we point at others, blaming them for being difficult, how many of us can look at things and reflect upon ourselves and admit the negativities we inflict on others? i believe if everyone can look at things in this perspective, there wouldn't be so many difficult people along the streets...
there are so many difficult people around us. haiz. how should i tackle my problems and conflict with them? i don't feel like confronting them and talking to them since... maybe i'm being difficult too? lol~ don't see the point of confronting since i feel our interests would conflict anyway. if i want to resolve this issue with them, it's more like i've got a need to be on good terms with them in the upcoming semester(s) and so on... feels kinda weird this way if i'm psychoing myself to do this... =( i know that if i wanna settle things i should go talk to them and get things out straight... but this feels weird and so un...real... like i'm being a hypocrite and stuff. and besides, i somehow think and believe that i can be independent... *though this is a dangerous way of thinking imo haha~*
ok enough about all these! i'm super worried for presentation tml cos... 1. in the morning i have tuition with marki 2. wad to wear! 3. am i wearing my heels the entire day? *NO!!! \(TT m TT)/* 4. will my voice come back tomorrow? *doesn't feel nor look like it sadly* 5. will my tutor pick on me tomorrow? etc etc. so many uncertainties! haiz i wish i'm more confident and have more courage to present tomorrow... be able to look into the audience eyes longer... i realise i'm very shy in looking into people's eyes when i'm presenting... and i'm scared i'll forget my points and so on... rawr! so scared! =(
maybe instead of ranting here i shall go memorise my points on powerpoint... sighz~
ok i realised that i'm emo for most of the nights anyway... LOL.
tomorrow's my presentation on managing difficult people. doing up on this topic actually leaves me with a really funny feeling. we're all talking about how to DEAL with difficult people, but have we ever thought whether WE are the difficult people in question? haha from the data and characteristics we discussed in the presentation, i realised that i can be quite a difficult person in other people's point of view. which is a bad thing isn't it...
difficult people are everywhere. in my part of the presentation i actually mentioned the various characteristics that would land someone under the category of being difficult : always complaining, extremely picky, does not listen, refuse to give feedback, can't be bothered, self-centered, or inconsiderate. come to think of it, i fall into these quite often isn't it =X it's so easy to be difficult, yet hard to handle these difficult people. i feel that instead of just managing difficult people, we should also learn to manage our own tendencies to be difficult. but of course, we can't go up, present to others and tell them straight in the face that they have the tendency to be difficult and thus they should look out for their difficult behavior. nonono, people don't like to be accused of this, with the probable exception of me perhaps?
while we point at others, blaming them for being difficult, how many of us can look at things and reflect upon ourselves and admit the negativities we inflict on others? i believe if everyone can look at things in this perspective, there wouldn't be so many difficult people along the streets...
there are so many difficult people around us. haiz. how should i tackle my problems and conflict with them? i don't feel like confronting them and talking to them since... maybe i'm being difficult too? lol~ don't see the point of confronting since i feel our interests would conflict anyway. if i want to resolve this issue with them, it's more like i've got a need to be on good terms with them in the upcoming semester(s) and so on... feels kinda weird this way if i'm psychoing myself to do this... =( i know that if i wanna settle things i should go talk to them and get things out straight... but this feels weird and so un...real... like i'm being a hypocrite and stuff. and besides, i somehow think and believe that i can be independent... *though this is a dangerous way of thinking imo haha~*
ok enough about all these! i'm super worried for presentation tml cos... 1. in the morning i have tuition with marki 2. wad to wear! 3. am i wearing my heels the entire day? *NO!!! \(TT m TT)/* 4. will my voice come back tomorrow? *doesn't feel nor look like it sadly* 5. will my tutor pick on me tomorrow? etc etc. so many uncertainties! haiz i wish i'm more confident and have more courage to present tomorrow... be able to look into the audience eyes longer... i realise i'm very shy in looking into people's eyes when i'm presenting... and i'm scared i'll forget my points and so on... rawr! so scared! =(
maybe instead of ranting here i shall go memorise my points on powerpoint... sighz~
here's an imaginary manga scenario i've thought up with. don't laugh at me hor. hehex~
background: Yukino (雪野 shortened to 雪) is an energetic girl *ok in manga which girls aren't energetic if they're the main characters* 16 year old, with 2 suitors, Suzaku (すざく shortened to just す) and Minazuki (水無月 shortened to 水)... but somehow Suzaku has a closer link and bond to Yukino... so ahems ahems... XD
Yukino appears to be a strong girl who never seems to be down by any obstacle she meets, however deep down she is actually afraid of being alone. Of course she tries not to let others know about this because she's one with strong pride and ego and tries not to let others into her heart. All except one... her best friend had left for America, so she's all lonely now. after crying her heart out that night after her best friend left for America, the story unfolds on the next day, where she has to go to school along with the 2 other main chars of this story arc ^^
anyway things might get confusing below...cos the dialogue is gonna be in chinese~
narration:
没关系。
就算没有你，也无所谓。
因为，我并不孤单。
scene: Yukino running to school in the morning, saying hi to all her friends along the way, including Suzaku and Minazuki.
雪：早安！
水：（戴着笑脸）小雪，早！
す:早。(keeps kinda quiet, looking at 雪's figure as she runs past him and 水)
scene: shows Yukino doing class duty of cleaning the whiteboard.
narration: 没有你，我还是我。
scene: shows Yukino raising her hand during class.
narration: 我还能微笑。
scene: shows Yukino enjoying lunch with some of her girlfriends including friend A, B, C and D.
narration: 身旁的笑声不断。
scene: shows Yukino walking along the school corridor with a stack of notes with friends, chatting happily along the way.
narration: 所以，我并不孤独。
scene: shows Yukino playing volleyball *YES! VOLLEYBALL! XD* at PE. friend C spikes a ball across, and Yukino was stoning.
D: 小雪！
雪: (stoning)... ... 啊！
ball hits 雪 right on the head *bull's eye!*
scene: shows Yukino in the infirmary, surrounded by friends A, B, Suzaku and Minazuki.
水:小雪，你没事吧？
雪: 没事！（脸带微笑）
A:没事那就好！
す: (uses his hand to measure 雪's forehead temperature) 你在发烧耶。
雪: 这一点烧，算不了什么。（脸带微笑）
narration: 对。这算不了什么。
scene: end of school. everybody leaves the school.
B : 那么明天见咯。
A : 要小心身体喔。
雪: 明天见！
水：小雪，要不要我送你回家？
雪：啊，不用了，谢谢。
我自己回家就行了。
水：真的吗？
雪：喂，我是谁？我是雪野耶。
只不过是回家罢了，我是不会迷路的唷。
水：可是。。。你不是一向都会找人陪你回家的吗？
雪: 。。。
narration :
我并不孤独。
我够坚强。
我不需要别人陪伴。
雪：哈哈。明天有测验，如果发烧传给你，你不就惨了吗？
水：啊！测验！我都忘了有这回事！
那么，你回家路上要小心。
雪：好！那明天见！
scene: Yukino slowly trudging back home. having a fever makes it hard for her to walk past the crowd on her way home. Suzaku trailing behind her, trying not to let her see him.
narration:
对。我根本就不需要别人在我身旁。
我靠自己的力量也可以。
没有你在我也行。
我一点都不孤独。
scene: Yukino starts to feel giddy due to her fever. Suzaku rushes up and catches her in his arms before she faints and hit the ground.
す: 你没事吧？
我看我还是送你回家吧。
雪: 没事，我只是一时慌神罢了。
す: 不要再硬撑了，我还是送你回家吧。
雪: 不用了，我不需要你陪。
scene : Suzaku doesn't say anything, held Yukino's hand and brought her towards a park on the way to Yukino's house. Sun sets, street lamps start to light up. Yukino starts to struggle when they reach the park.
雪: 我都说过了，我不需要你陪。
す: 你不是最害怕孤单吗？
为什么害怕孤单，却又不肯让别人陪？
(erms... lightning strikes Yukino. or rather the effect that looks like that's the case... haha~)
雪: (looking down) 够了，不要再说了。
我不怕孤单。
我只是。。。
す: 你好自私。
别人想关心你，陪伴你，
你却把他们推到一旁不理不睬。
雪: 不要再说了。
我并不孤单。
我也不害怕孤单。
因为，(tears start forming)
如果承认我害怕，
我就无法在像以前一样开朗。(starts sobbing)
す: (gives Yukino a hug)
雪: 请你不要离开我，好吗？
す: 嗯。
kyaaaaaa~ it's like the ultimate romance imo lor! ok not ultimate lah. but when girls are weak like this they're very susceptible to kindness from guys... so yeaps. somemore in a park when the sun sets somemore! this is so typical of jap shoujo type of manga... eeks! omg i can't believe i actually spent my time on this stupid 幻想 lor... dots. but the images like kinda vivid in my mind... i wish i can draw them out on paper... if only my drawing skills that zai... haha! but the style i had in mind was quite arina style... this script like not so much her style leh... hahas! i wanna learn how to draw and create my own manga! \(TT m TT)/
background: Yukino (雪野 shortened to 雪) is an energetic girl *ok in manga which girls aren't energetic if they're the main characters* 16 year old, with 2 suitors, Suzaku (すざく shortened to just す) and Minazuki (水無月 shortened to 水)... but somehow Suzaku has a closer link and bond to Yukino... so ahems ahems... XD
Yukino appears to be a strong girl who never seems to be down by any obstacle she meets, however deep down she is actually afraid of being alone. Of course she tries not to let others know about this because she's one with strong pride and ego and tries not to let others into her heart. All except one... her best friend had left for America, so she's all lonely now. after crying her heart out that night after her best friend left for America, the story unfolds on the next day, where she has to go to school along with the 2 other main chars of this story arc ^^
anyway things might get confusing below...cos the dialogue is gonna be in chinese~
narration:
没关系。
就算没有你，也无所谓。
因为，我并不孤单。
scene: Yukino running to school in the morning, saying hi to all her friends along the way, including Suzaku and Minazuki.
雪：早安！
水：（戴着笑脸）小雪，早！
す:早。(keeps kinda quiet, looking at 雪's figure as she runs past him and 水)
scene: shows Yukino doing class duty of cleaning the whiteboard.
narration: 没有你，我还是我。
scene: shows Yukino raising her hand during class.
narration: 我还能微笑。
scene: shows Yukino enjoying lunch with some of her girlfriends including friend A, B, C and D.
narration: 身旁的笑声不断。
scene: shows Yukino walking along the school corridor with a stack of notes with friends, chatting happily along the way.
narration: 所以，我并不孤独。
scene: shows Yukino playing volleyball *YES! VOLLEYBALL! XD* at PE. friend C spikes a ball across, and Yukino was stoning.
D: 小雪！
雪: (stoning)... ... 啊！
ball hits 雪 right on the head *bull's eye!*
scene: shows Yukino in the infirmary, surrounded by friends A, B, Suzaku and Minazuki.
水:小雪，你没事吧？
雪: 没事！（脸带微笑）
A:没事那就好！
す: (uses his hand to measure 雪's forehead temperature) 你在发烧耶。
雪: 这一点烧，算不了什么。（脸带微笑）
narration: 对。这算不了什么。
scene: end of school. everybody leaves the school.
B : 那么明天见咯。
A : 要小心身体喔。
雪: 明天见！
水：小雪，要不要我送你回家？
雪：啊，不用了，谢谢。
我自己回家就行了。
水：真的吗？
雪：喂，我是谁？我是雪野耶。
只不过是回家罢了，我是不会迷路的唷。
水：可是。。。你不是一向都会找人陪你回家的吗？
雪: 。。。
narration :
我并不孤独。
我够坚强。
我不需要别人陪伴。
雪：哈哈。明天有测验，如果发烧传给你，你不就惨了吗？
水：啊！测验！我都忘了有这回事！
那么，你回家路上要小心。
雪：好！那明天见！
scene: Yukino slowly trudging back home. having a fever makes it hard for her to walk past the crowd on her way home. Suzaku trailing behind her, trying not to let her see him.
narration:
对。我根本就不需要别人在我身旁。
我靠自己的力量也可以。
没有你在我也行。
我一点都不孤独。
scene: Yukino starts to feel giddy due to her fever. Suzaku rushes up and catches her in his arms before she faints and hit the ground.
す: 你没事吧？
我看我还是送你回家吧。
雪: 没事，我只是一时慌神罢了。
す: 不要再硬撑了，我还是送你回家吧。
雪: 不用了，我不需要你陪。
scene : Suzaku doesn't say anything, held Yukino's hand and brought her towards a park on the way to Yukino's house. Sun sets, street lamps start to light up. Yukino starts to struggle when they reach the park.
雪: 我都说过了，我不需要你陪。
す: 你不是最害怕孤单吗？
为什么害怕孤单，却又不肯让别人陪？
(erms... lightning strikes Yukino. or rather the effect that looks like that's the case... haha~)
雪: (looking down) 够了，不要再说了。
我不怕孤单。
我只是。。。
す: 你好自私。
别人想关心你，陪伴你，
你却把他们推到一旁不理不睬。
雪: 不要再说了。
我并不孤单。
我也不害怕孤单。
因为，(tears start forming)
如果承认我害怕，
我就无法在像以前一样开朗。(starts sobbing)
す: (gives Yukino a hug)
雪: 请你不要离开我，好吗？
す: 嗯。
kyaaaaaa~ it's like the ultimate romance imo lor! ok not ultimate lah. but when girls are weak like this they're very susceptible to kindness from guys... so yeaps. somemore in a park when the sun sets somemore! this is so typical of jap shoujo type of manga... eeks! omg i can't believe i actually spent my time on this stupid 幻想 lor... dots. but the images like kinda vivid in my mind... i wish i can draw them out on paper... if only my drawing skills that zai... haha! but the style i had in mind was quite arina style... this script like not so much her style leh... hahas! i wanna learn how to draw and create my own manga! \(TT m TT)/
20 October 2007
so many things that i wanna blog about, but i've got no time and energy left today...
i finally got hold of angela aki's today album! yays!
and... i had a 4/11 meeting today at yihui's birthday party... feeling abit guilty for being unable to stay for the cake cutting, since i'm not feeling well and i've got tuition tml morning, but i'm glad i'm back now because my sore throat is really causing a slight fever... but. ahems that's not the point! took a lot of crazy shots with these gals as well, would post them here if i get hold of them haha... and i managed to talk with some of them after being unable to see them for like... months? had a great time suaning jia yuan *opps* and a really long chat with qiu yun on our way home... i'm glad we have the chance to talk so much on such a deep level... really glad that we went home together! and i can't wait for us to meet up again once our exams are over and done with... EXAMS! DIE!!!!
and... i really wish for all of us girls to find our happiness, be it now, or in the future. =)
i finally got hold of angela aki's today album! yays!
and... i had a 4/11 meeting today at yihui's birthday party... feeling abit guilty for being unable to stay for the cake cutting, since i'm not feeling well and i've got tuition tml morning, but i'm glad i'm back now because my sore throat is really causing a slight fever... but. ahems that's not the point! took a lot of crazy shots with these gals as well, would post them here if i get hold of them haha... and i managed to talk with some of them after being unable to see them for like... months? had a great time suaning jia yuan *opps* and a really long chat with qiu yun on our way home... i'm glad we have the chance to talk so much on such a deep level... really glad that we went home together! and i can't wait for us to meet up again once our exams are over and done with... EXAMS! DIE!!!!
and... i really wish for all of us girls to find our happiness, be it now, or in the future. =)
13 October 2007
today was yet another sinful day for a girl who had sworn on a diet... behold!
to celebrate my belated birthday, i had a treat from yu chun at none other than my favourite buffet restaurant... suki sushi! once again, picture speaks a thousand words, so my this entire blog entry has like at least 6k words... eeks so wordy...
so far... all's calm and good and nice... until...
yay! we managed to uphold the record of stacking up plates as high as the counter! way to go!!!~~~ XD *i bet the other people sitting around us must be thinking these 2 girls are mad*
come on don't be shy to show the faces of the 2 gluttons with their conquered items ^^
kids, don't try this at home. although u might want to visit heaven soon, i strongly advise you: choking to death on wasabi is definitely not a beautiful way of dying.
ok the reason for the above picture with yu chun trying to kill herself with wasabi *mental note to self: it's wasabi not wasabe... i don't know how that name came to my head...* was she actually had blocked nose, which she tried to unblock using wasabi... it did help, but shortly after that, she got her blocked nose back together with blocked ears. so she had to keep increasing the dosage of wasabi to try get her nose and ears unblocked...
not a very nice way of curing flu imo haha!
and today, i finally got my hands on these treasures... XD
i've known angela aki since her song kiss me good-bye which is the theme song of final fantasy 12... and her voice's damn good... so i'm really glad that i bought this album today, though my initial aim was to get her 2nd album "today"... her first album is also... damn good. i haven't got the time to listen in depth, i'm still floating around feeling high on my latest acquisition...
and here's my second addition to my collection of cds... yuna ito! haha love her loads too since "endless love" which was one of the theme songs in the first NANA movie... then there was "precious" which was wonderful too... currently listening to this cd now... ^^ and feeling damn contented =)
well, i seldom buy jpop cds since it's so hard to get them at cheap prices here and i have a slight dislike for hmv, since they do charge cds at higher prices than normal... but i'm glad i dropped by there today and got these 2 cds haha! now if only they can ship angela aki's today album faster to singapore... =S
i felt my wallet burn when i spent almost 50bucks on these 2 cds in a single day... and wait till i turn and look at yu chun... she spent a freaking 170+++ bucks on cds at hmv! damn they should have some sort of membership card just for her... i feel the pain for her wallet but she seems indifferent to it somehow... so... haha! guess she's used to burning her wallet out for cds and dvds... ^^ but pls! next time try not to do this kind of stunts anymore k? it's bad for... my heart. LOL.
to celebrate my belated birthday, i had a treat from yu chun at none other than my favourite buffet restaurant... suki sushi! once again, picture speaks a thousand words, so my this entire blog entry has like at least 6k words... eeks so wordy...
so far... all's calm and good and nice... until...
yay! we managed to uphold the record of stacking up plates as high as the counter! way to go!!!~~~ XD *i bet the other people sitting around us must be thinking these 2 girls are mad*
come on don't be shy to show the faces of the 2 gluttons with their conquered items ^^
kids, don't try this at home. although u might want to visit heaven soon, i strongly advise you: choking to death on wasabi is definitely not a beautiful way of dying.ok the reason for the above picture with yu chun trying to kill herself with wasabi *mental note to self: it's wasabi not wasabe... i don't know how that name came to my head...* was she actually had blocked nose, which she tried to unblock using wasabi... it did help, but shortly after that, she got her blocked nose back together with blocked ears. so she had to keep increasing the dosage of wasabi to try get her nose and ears unblocked...
not a very nice way of curing flu imo haha!
and today, i finally got my hands on these treasures... XD
i've known angela aki since her song kiss me good-bye which is the theme song of final fantasy 12... and her voice's damn good... so i'm really glad that i bought this album today, though my initial aim was to get her 2nd album "today"... her first album is also... damn good. i haven't got the time to listen in depth, i'm still floating around feeling high on my latest acquisition...
and here's my second addition to my collection of cds... yuna ito! haha love her loads too since "endless love" which was one of the theme songs in the first NANA movie... then there was "precious" which was wonderful too... currently listening to this cd now... ^^ and feeling damn contented =)well, i seldom buy jpop cds since it's so hard to get them at cheap prices here and i have a slight dislike for hmv, since they do charge cds at higher prices than normal... but i'm glad i dropped by there today and got these 2 cds haha! now if only they can ship angela aki's today album faster to singapore... =S
i felt my wallet burn when i spent almost 50bucks on these 2 cds in a single day... and wait till i turn and look at yu chun... she spent a freaking 170+++ bucks on cds at hmv! damn they should have some sort of membership card just for her... i feel the pain for her wallet but she seems indifferent to it somehow... so... haha! guess she's used to burning her wallet out for cds and dvds... ^^ but pls! next time try not to do this kind of stunts anymore k? it's bad for... my heart. LOL.
11 October 2007
photos photos and more photos!
these are taken during our ktv session one day before my birthday with my ntu clique... the photos are not that clear so bear with them ^^
yay! ktv queens pey lun and me!!! XD
that's *from left to right* pey lun, me, edwin and nicholas!
it's a little dark... so why is edwin's handphone snatching the limelight? lol~
erms all of a sudden my eye seemed ultra big... lol~ and nicholas looked like he's napping!
squeeze pey lun! woohoo!
the ktv session was shiok! but not shiok enough for me because for those who know me, 3 hrs of ktv is simply NOT ENOUGH! haha ok lah ignore me and my craziness... anyway the cake upstairs was really yummy and i really enjoyed the entire ktv session... ^^ thanks again to everyone! and thanks to wen lin for taking these photos!
sometimes... i wonder if thinking too much is a good thing. i think i've kinda stopped dwelling too much and too deep into matters. well it did make me happier a little, because i don't feel vexed over matters i can't arrive at a satisfactory solution. sometimes i do miss the times when i'll rack my brains out thinking about big philosophical ideas, but when i do get frustrated and depressed about how negative things seem in the real world, this doesn't look nor feel that good. so i told myself not to think so much, and as a result i guess i'm becoming more and more bimbotic... ok maybe not since i don't fulfill the boobs criteria =(
"girls are supposed to enjoy dolling themselves up and only go for superficial looks." hmmms i wonder how true that is. how about changing the subject from girls to guys? guys are not much better, but i suppose most girls do like to doll up themselves. afterall, it's not a crime to look pretty isn't it? but i think looking good and having inner beauty can co-exist, and it is not necessary for them to be mutually exclusive.
sometimes i think... is it really that easy for people to fall in and out of love? ok this idea came from one of my favourite manga haha... in general, looking about a lot of people around me, it seems to be the case. people can break up with their previous boyfriend/girlfriend and get attached again like... 1 week after the breakup? as though nothing had happened before? i wonder what's true love then... is it just someone trying to be stubborn to enforce such an idealistic "love" where one will spend ages waiting for the other, or to force oneself to continue loving the other. wait. this idea sounds familiar... i think i heard it from he fang or something before? hmmms...
it's how strange all these floating thoughts in my head can swim around for a really long time, seemingly totally unrelated to one another, and then all of a sudden, pom! they link up as one general idea and make total sense as compared to the original gibberish. wonders of the human brain?
back to the idea of people falling in and out of love quickly... somehow this world seems so superficial... sometimes i wonder if i'm superficial like those people i kind of despise... haha... maybe superficial not in the relationship sense? ok maybe i'm superficial when it comes to relationships too, because i must admit, when i see someone for the first time, i do form judgements to a certain extent based on that person's looks. and it'll be good if my future boyfriend isn't too bad looking too. but somehow... this whole idea of being so shallow about relationships... it disgusts me. like how some guys can just go chasing a girl when they barely know each other. i want to puke when i see some of these guys trying to sweet talk girls in hope of earning themselves a cute girlfriend. do they only think about their bottom and not their upper torso? =S
and sometimes, i'm skeptical about this whole notion of love. i feel that humans are selfish by nature. we'll love ourselves more than we love others... so when someone claims that they like you... could it just be that that guy/girl just wants to enjoy the presence and existence of a girlfriend/boyfriend? how many would be able to truly love their other partners more than they love themselves? well, i think it's not necessary to have such unconditional love. or rather, it's not practical, because when only one party in the relationship is giving this unconditional love, it will very likely be taken for granted. since it's not good to love unconditionally, and the motive for love itself doesn't seem to be pure itself, why love? is it just to chase away loneliness or just for one to show off or something? why even expose yourself to possible hurt in the future when the relationship turns bad?
ok lah, that's enough for now... right now i need sleep... zzz...
these are taken during our ktv session one day before my birthday with my ntu clique... the photos are not that clear so bear with them ^^
yay! ktv queens pey lun and me!!! XD
that's *from left to right* pey lun, me, edwin and nicholas!
it's a little dark... so why is edwin's handphone snatching the limelight? lol~
erms all of a sudden my eye seemed ultra big... lol~ and nicholas looked like he's napping!
squeeze pey lun! woohoo!the ktv session was shiok! but not shiok enough for me because for those who know me, 3 hrs of ktv is simply NOT ENOUGH! haha ok lah ignore me and my craziness... anyway the cake upstairs was really yummy and i really enjoyed the entire ktv session... ^^ thanks again to everyone! and thanks to wen lin for taking these photos!
sometimes... i wonder if thinking too much is a good thing. i think i've kinda stopped dwelling too much and too deep into matters. well it did make me happier a little, because i don't feel vexed over matters i can't arrive at a satisfactory solution. sometimes i do miss the times when i'll rack my brains out thinking about big philosophical ideas, but when i do get frustrated and depressed about how negative things seem in the real world, this doesn't look nor feel that good. so i told myself not to think so much, and as a result i guess i'm becoming more and more bimbotic... ok maybe not since i don't fulfill the boobs criteria =(
"girls are supposed to enjoy dolling themselves up and only go for superficial looks." hmmms i wonder how true that is. how about changing the subject from girls to guys? guys are not much better, but i suppose most girls do like to doll up themselves. afterall, it's not a crime to look pretty isn't it? but i think looking good and having inner beauty can co-exist, and it is not necessary for them to be mutually exclusive.
sometimes i think... is it really that easy for people to fall in and out of love? ok this idea came from one of my favourite manga haha... in general, looking about a lot of people around me, it seems to be the case. people can break up with their previous boyfriend/girlfriend and get attached again like... 1 week after the breakup? as though nothing had happened before? i wonder what's true love then... is it just someone trying to be stubborn to enforce such an idealistic "love" where one will spend ages waiting for the other, or to force oneself to continue loving the other. wait. this idea sounds familiar... i think i heard it from he fang or something before? hmmms...
it's how strange all these floating thoughts in my head can swim around for a really long time, seemingly totally unrelated to one another, and then all of a sudden, pom! they link up as one general idea and make total sense as compared to the original gibberish. wonders of the human brain?
back to the idea of people falling in and out of love quickly... somehow this world seems so superficial... sometimes i wonder if i'm superficial like those people i kind of despise... haha... maybe superficial not in the relationship sense? ok maybe i'm superficial when it comes to relationships too, because i must admit, when i see someone for the first time, i do form judgements to a certain extent based on that person's looks. and it'll be good if my future boyfriend isn't too bad looking too. but somehow... this whole idea of being so shallow about relationships... it disgusts me. like how some guys can just go chasing a girl when they barely know each other. i want to puke when i see some of these guys trying to sweet talk girls in hope of earning themselves a cute girlfriend. do they only think about their bottom and not their upper torso? =S
and sometimes, i'm skeptical about this whole notion of love. i feel that humans are selfish by nature. we'll love ourselves more than we love others... so when someone claims that they like you... could it just be that that guy/girl just wants to enjoy the presence and existence of a girlfriend/boyfriend? how many would be able to truly love their other partners more than they love themselves? well, i think it's not necessary to have such unconditional love. or rather, it's not practical, because when only one party in the relationship is giving this unconditional love, it will very likely be taken for granted. since it's not good to love unconditionally, and the motive for love itself doesn't seem to be pure itself, why love? is it just to chase away loneliness or just for one to show off or something? why even expose yourself to possible hurt in the future when the relationship turns bad?
ok lah, that's enough for now... right now i need sleep... zzz...
08 October 2007
ok i haven't updated in a really long while, and below is going to be a really long entry... u have been warned ^^
first things first! woohoo i'm 21!!! well, actually i didn't really like birthdays for a number of reasons: 1. sometimes it's quite troublesome, 2. it's better not to keep expectations high, 3. i wouldn't expect others to sit down and spend time on me just because it's my birthday.... to me birthdays are : 1. just another plain ordinary day, nothing special about it, and 2. a painful day that reminds me that i'm here on this cruel world for another year. but i'm glad i changed my mind on my 21st birthday. ^^
for my past... 5 birthdays? i've been hoping that a certain someone would at least message me happy birthday. first two years he did, but i was expecting more from him then since we see each other more frequently. then as we drifted even more and more apart, the message came even later and didn't come to me as nicely as i hoped it would be. then in the last 2 years, they stopped coming altogether. that was one of the reasons why i hated my birthdays too -- it seemed like no one really cared. not that i would care then, that's what i told myself too.
this year i decided to stop waiting.
and yes, i'm much happier and better off without waiting for something that would never arrive.
that half hearted kindness, i think i've finally snapped out of it. ^^
i'm really glad and blessed to have my family and friends around me... ahh first let me talk about my presents haha!
1. pansy and sheila got me a makeup set! XD after making them spend so much money on that, the night when i went home i saw another makeup set from my mother on my study desk! talk about having surprises... so right now i've got 2 makeup sets... i don't know whether to laugh or not... thanks! it felt really warm in me when i saw that pleasant surprise! but seriously lah, next time i should coordinate better hahahahahahahaha~
2. thanks shian chi yin yin nicodemus and weixiang! they got me kinokuniya vouchers which are like... omg to me... cos i'm a manga lover and those vouchers... ahems. sorry guys i've already spent half of them on a manga set which i shall elaborate later ^^
3. thanks to my ntu clique! pey lun, wen lin, bolin, zhi chao, edwin, kee sing, nicholas, yeeling and da jie! although i can't say i'm that close to them, i'm quite... surprised that they'll spend the time with me to hang out at ktv... i was kinda... not expecting them to do that haha... and yeaps, i really appreciate the company =) thanks for the ktv, the card, the necklace and earrings!
ok that doesn't sound like a lot of presents, but i'm a rather easy going person, wasn't even expecting any presents from people other than my family hahahaha~ so yeaps, i will treasure them... and during the entire week, with all the people wishing me happy birthday, it really made me feel blessed and very 幸福... ok lah just take it that i'm crazy bah...
now... onto some of the pictures which i got...
first is my dinner with pansy on sheila... i haven't gotten the picture of me and pansy yet, so here's the picture of me together with sheila...
it's been a long time since we met up! so glad we have our yearly birthday celebrations together! hope we can meet up again in dec before i leave for china...
and here's my outing with shian chi weixiang n nico... let the pictures do the talking =)
that's me with shian chi! XD
and seriously, who mugs in a restaurant like our mugger weixiang? oO
erms... muggers... unite?
eeks why are u taking such a weird shot of me?
that's me n my birthday cake! and i'm 21! ^^
me with nico!
i wish for world peace! yeah right~
ok i'm really making my wish now... ^^
cut cake time! XD
that's me with shian chi again! we took like 3 pictures of the 2 of us smiling... until we can't smile anymore... haha!
that's shian chi and weixiang! looking chio n shuai!
and after weixiang left... we had havoc at the supermarket in the basement... they were selling loads of halloween stuff... so we thought it wouldn't hurt if we had some fun... XD
dun try anything funny with spiderman and alien!
u know what? actually shian chi is a student from hogwarts! dun tell anyone else! shhh~
and tadah! using magic 3 packets of chips appeared magically! *though i wish the weight we gain from these chips can disappear magically too...*
shian chi running for the quidditch club!
and suddenly... eeks! where did this freak come out from?!
never fear! for qing yu is coming to the rescue! yay!
ahh that took a darn long time for me to upload these photos... =( darn blogger giving me problems... so halfway i changed to my multiply site... there are more photos which i didn't upload here, so u guys can visit my photo album which is quite dusty by now cos i don't really like taking photos hahahahaha~
really... word of thanks to...
1. my family... thanks for taking care of me so far... my mum sis n brother for being so sweet to me on my birthday itself... although my dad wasn't around, it didn't feel as lonely as i anticipated... so yeap thanks =)
2. pansy n sheila for making my day that saturday! with the wonderful dinner and makeup set! thanks for the company and time!
3. shian chi yin yin weixiang and nico! especially shian chi! thanks for organising the dinner on my behalf... i was quite lazy hahaha~ and thanks guys for the wonderful gift again!
4. my ntu clique... after reading the comments on the card u guys gave me, plus spending time with me... i really wanna thank u guys for that. yeaps...
5. all those people that msged me happy birthday on that day itself! i counted.. hehex... 15 sms, 2 msn bdae greetings, erms... 5 facebook messages wishing me happy birthday... really, thanks for remembering! *bows*
and now... wad have i been doing the past week besides celebrating and wasting my entire week away... actually i found a new/old anime from my all-time-favourite mangaka... arina takemura... the title of that work is kamikaze kaitou jeanne... i like all arina takemura's works... she has this strange ability of touching my heart with the issues she discusses with her works... guess that's the power of her story telling =)
i'm so drawn to the story and characters that i actually finished the entire anime series of 44 episodes in 3 days. that's freaking short time considering how busy i'm supposed to be. oh well i'm busy watching anime then. =(
story centers on this girl called kusakabe maron... she's a strong girl but lonely, since she's all left alone in japan while her parents are working overseas. on the surface she just looks like any normal 16 year old girl whose passionate about rhythmic gynmastics, but in actual fact, she's the mysterious thief jeanne who strikes no matter how many traps the police sets up for her. as i read on, i realise how similar i am to maron... maybe that's why i'm so drawn to this story. she can't trust others too due to her past as well, and the story is of her on her journey of self-discovery, and of people dealing with loneliness, issue of trust and betrayal. of course there's romance in it, but let's not dwell too deep into this...
i like kamikaze kaitou jeanne a lot because.... 1. the story is damn good. 2. the character drawing is damn good. 3. the anime presents issues at a pace well enough to bring out the ideas. and.... after reading this work, i totally idolise arina takemura! from now onwards i will only use her drawings as my wallpaper on my laptop! woohoo!
from this manga *oh yes, this is the series i spent half my vouchers from kinokuniya on... yays!* i'm starting to think... whether it's alright for me to lower my barrier and try to trust others a little more again.
my birthday wishes: *i'm a really greedy person haha!*
1. to become a better person
2. to remain true to myself
3. for those whom i love to be happy
4. for me to be able to step out from the shadows of the past
5. to be able to get the scholarship to go overseas with all expenses paid for XD
6. for my results to be pulled up significantly
7. and most importantly, for me to be happy.
i shall not let go of my own happiness again. ^^
強気も本気
無敵 素敵
元気 勇気
チンユー、頑張ってね！
first things first! woohoo i'm 21!!! well, actually i didn't really like birthdays for a number of reasons: 1. sometimes it's quite troublesome, 2. it's better not to keep expectations high, 3. i wouldn't expect others to sit down and spend time on me just because it's my birthday.... to me birthdays are : 1. just another plain ordinary day, nothing special about it, and 2. a painful day that reminds me that i'm here on this cruel world for another year. but i'm glad i changed my mind on my 21st birthday. ^^
for my past... 5 birthdays? i've been hoping that a certain someone would at least message me happy birthday. first two years he did, but i was expecting more from him then since we see each other more frequently. then as we drifted even more and more apart, the message came even later and didn't come to me as nicely as i hoped it would be. then in the last 2 years, they stopped coming altogether. that was one of the reasons why i hated my birthdays too -- it seemed like no one really cared. not that i would care then, that's what i told myself too.
this year i decided to stop waiting.
and yes, i'm much happier and better off without waiting for something that would never arrive.
that half hearted kindness, i think i've finally snapped out of it. ^^
i'm really glad and blessed to have my family and friends around me... ahh first let me talk about my presents haha!
1. pansy and sheila got me a makeup set! XD after making them spend so much money on that, the night when i went home i saw another makeup set from my mother on my study desk! talk about having surprises... so right now i've got 2 makeup sets... i don't know whether to laugh or not... thanks! it felt really warm in me when i saw that pleasant surprise! but seriously lah, next time i should coordinate better hahahahahahahaha~
2. thanks shian chi yin yin nicodemus and weixiang! they got me kinokuniya vouchers which are like... omg to me... cos i'm a manga lover and those vouchers... ahems. sorry guys i've already spent half of them on a manga set which i shall elaborate later ^^
3. thanks to my ntu clique! pey lun, wen lin, bolin, zhi chao, edwin, kee sing, nicholas, yeeling and da jie! although i can't say i'm that close to them, i'm quite... surprised that they'll spend the time with me to hang out at ktv... i was kinda... not expecting them to do that haha... and yeaps, i really appreciate the company =) thanks for the ktv, the card, the necklace and earrings!
ok that doesn't sound like a lot of presents, but i'm a rather easy going person, wasn't even expecting any presents from people other than my family hahahaha~ so yeaps, i will treasure them... and during the entire week, with all the people wishing me happy birthday, it really made me feel blessed and very 幸福... ok lah just take it that i'm crazy bah...
now... onto some of the pictures which i got...
first is my dinner with pansy on sheila... i haven't gotten the picture of me and pansy yet, so here's the picture of me together with sheila...
it's been a long time since we met up! so glad we have our yearly birthday celebrations together! hope we can meet up again in dec before i leave for china...
and here's my outing with shian chi weixiang n nico... let the pictures do the talking =)
that's me with shian chi! XD
and seriously, who mugs in a restaurant like our mugger weixiang? oO
erms... muggers... unite?
eeks why are u taking such a weird shot of me?
that's me n my birthday cake! and i'm 21! ^^
me with nico!
i wish for world peace! yeah right~
ok i'm really making my wish now... ^^
cut cake time! XD
that's me with shian chi again! we took like 3 pictures of the 2 of us smiling... until we can't smile anymore... haha!
that's shian chi and weixiang! looking chio n shuai!
and after weixiang left... we had havoc at the supermarket in the basement... they were selling loads of halloween stuff... so we thought it wouldn't hurt if we had some fun... XD
dun try anything funny with spiderman and alien!
u know what? actually shian chi is a student from hogwarts! dun tell anyone else! shhh~
and tadah! using magic 3 packets of chips appeared magically! *though i wish the weight we gain from these chips can disappear magically too...*
shian chi running for the quidditch club!
and suddenly... eeks! where did this freak come out from?!
never fear! for qing yu is coming to the rescue! yay!
ahh that took a darn long time for me to upload these photos... =( darn blogger giving me problems... so halfway i changed to my multiply site... there are more photos which i didn't upload here, so u guys can visit my photo album which is quite dusty by now cos i don't really like taking photos hahahahaha~
really... word of thanks to...
1. my family... thanks for taking care of me so far... my mum sis n brother for being so sweet to me on my birthday itself... although my dad wasn't around, it didn't feel as lonely as i anticipated... so yeap thanks =)
2. pansy n sheila for making my day that saturday! with the wonderful dinner and makeup set! thanks for the company and time!
3. shian chi yin yin weixiang and nico! especially shian chi! thanks for organising the dinner on my behalf... i was quite lazy hahaha~ and thanks guys for the wonderful gift again!
4. my ntu clique... after reading the comments on the card u guys gave me, plus spending time with me... i really wanna thank u guys for that. yeaps...
5. all those people that msged me happy birthday on that day itself! i counted.. hehex... 15 sms, 2 msn bdae greetings, erms... 5 facebook messages wishing me happy birthday... really, thanks for remembering! *bows*
and now... wad have i been doing the past week besides celebrating and wasting my entire week away... actually i found a new/old anime from my all-time-favourite mangaka... arina takemura... the title of that work is kamikaze kaitou jeanne... i like all arina takemura's works... she has this strange ability of touching my heart with the issues she discusses with her works... guess that's the power of her story telling =)
i'm so drawn to the story and characters that i actually finished the entire anime series of 44 episodes in 3 days. that's freaking short time considering how busy i'm supposed to be. oh well i'm busy watching anime then. =(
story centers on this girl called kusakabe maron... she's a strong girl but lonely, since she's all left alone in japan while her parents are working overseas. on the surface she just looks like any normal 16 year old girl whose passionate about rhythmic gynmastics, but in actual fact, she's the mysterious thief jeanne who strikes no matter how many traps the police sets up for her. as i read on, i realise how similar i am to maron... maybe that's why i'm so drawn to this story. she can't trust others too due to her past as well, and the story is of her on her journey of self-discovery, and of people dealing with loneliness, issue of trust and betrayal. of course there's romance in it, but let's not dwell too deep into this...
i like kamikaze kaitou jeanne a lot because.... 1. the story is damn good. 2. the character drawing is damn good. 3. the anime presents issues at a pace well enough to bring out the ideas. and.... after reading this work, i totally idolise arina takemura! from now onwards i will only use her drawings as my wallpaper on my laptop! woohoo!
from this manga *oh yes, this is the series i spent half my vouchers from kinokuniya on... yays!* i'm starting to think... whether it's alright for me to lower my barrier and try to trust others a little more again.
my birthday wishes: *i'm a really greedy person haha!*
1. to become a better person
2. to remain true to myself
3. for those whom i love to be happy
4. for me to be able to step out from the shadows of the past
5. to be able to get the scholarship to go overseas with all expenses paid for XD
6. for my results to be pulled up significantly
7. and most importantly, for me to be happy.
i shall not let go of my own happiness again. ^^
強気も本気
無敵 素敵
元気 勇気
チンユー、頑張ってね！
03 October 2007
整夜辗转难眠。心里总是感到不安。
我为什么要帮你们呢？干吗要做你们的帮凶？第一，这根本就不是件好事。第二，事情也没难道一定需要帮凶；这样对其他的人一点也不公平。那为什么我还要帮你们？那时候就应该说不。
就算你们真的需要帮忙，我可以在那之前帮你们，在那当儿时，就应该个凭实力。
如果你们因为这样而不再理我，那也随便你们。我认为最重要的是对得起自己的良心，就算是尚不能有良心当饭吃，至少我对得起自己。这比交到朋友来的重要吧。
况且，我也很想靠自己的实力来得到认可，所以如果你们要犯错，请不要也让我犯错。请不要再叫我做这种事情了。
虽然我知道你是出自一片好意，但请你也不要再叫我做我不愿意做的事了。有些时候给你念到真的好烦。
我为什么要帮你们呢？干吗要做你们的帮凶？第一，这根本就不是件好事。第二，事情也没难道一定需要帮凶；这样对其他的人一点也不公平。那为什么我还要帮你们？那时候就应该说不。
就算你们真的需要帮忙，我可以在那之前帮你们，在那当儿时，就应该个凭实力。
如果你们因为这样而不再理我，那也随便你们。我认为最重要的是对得起自己的良心，就算是尚不能有良心当饭吃，至少我对得起自己。这比交到朋友来的重要吧。
况且，我也很想靠自己的实力来得到认可，所以如果你们要犯错，请不要也让我犯错。请不要再叫我做这种事情了。
虽然我知道你是出自一片好意，但请你也不要再叫我做我不愿意做的事了。有些时候给你念到真的好烦。
30 September 2007
28 September 2007
i can't take it anymore... *vomits blood*
3 tutorials per day is really too far a goal for me... i'll die before i attain such a goal...
wasted half a day yesterday slacking with randy... long time we had such a long talk... disturbing each other haha... guess he's the only guy friend i dare to wreck havoc with... talked about a lot of things... like our individual problems... he oso 破财... like me in may... but he only lost 600 cos he had a car accident and banged into this other guy's bumper... problem was... the lousy bumper cost 600 to replace. that was like crazy lah. oh well... hope he isn't too bothered by it now... 600 can earn back fast... at the good thing is no one is hurt... that's the most important... as what i told myself to make me feel better back then... 就当作是破财消灾吧！
then we talked about relationships... he keeps asking me when i'm going to get a boyfriend. who are u ah. my dad ah? so worried abt whether i can get married off or not lmao~ but it's true bah... dun dare to get too close to guys le after all the things that happened... good thing he attached, else i dun think i'm able to tell him all this kind of things like i do now... really thanks for ur concern... but i dun think i wanna get attached now anyway... got so many other things to worry about... like money n studies... who wants to spend their effort and time on something so unstable like love? end up losing all ur time n effort and get urself hurt. no point sia.
but the whole talk made me think about a lot of things... like things that happened in the past... like how that time when we were back in acjc first 3 months... i remembered this all of a sudden and it surprised him! during valentine's day and i didn't know he had a girlfriend then... he bought this bouquet of flowers... and i saw him carrying it. then dunno y he suddenly tries to protect himself and said... this bouquet of flowers is not for u... for my mum. harlow i wasn't even thinking it was for me lah. and when u said this comment it became more suspicious lor. and who buys a bouquet for mothers on valentine's day? even if so fillial buy one stalk good liao... so rich to buy a bouquet somemore... dots.
and of course on the other more... unhappy stuff... like the big event that happened to me before and after a lvls... how he tried to console me when i was at rock bottom... and he said that everything has nothing to do with me... and that the other party was a... ok i quote him haha... a jerk. well the funny thing is... i was feeling quite peaceful after the entire incident... but when he said that and the more i think about it... i feel more 不值 for myself. thinking why i'm so stupid. and that the other party really is a jerk. haha. aiyoh how can i say such a thing abt the "other party". cannot cannot cannot. haiz. the never ending argument in myself...
and that's when the first signs of me falling sick started appearing... i had blocked and runny nose the entire afternoon... kept sneezing... at first i tot who kept thinking of me *aha... bhb!* then the runny nose lasted too long to be just a prank someone tries to play on me haha... so yeaps, i think i'm sick now... not the very sick until want to die kind, but on the verge of falling sick bah.
one good thing about yesterday was that i managed to talk to randy and crap with him the entire afternoon, and i was able to complete 2.5 tutorials after that... before i totally cmi and went home from macs at 10pm... had a good chat with pansy and pey lun as well... that made me quite happy cos the day felt well-spent.
and the funny thing is... my tuition kids do disturb me online! yesterday bobby asked me to watch 2 youtube videos on ms swan from MADtv... make me laugh and cannot go to sleep because in my mind the stupid ms swan kept appearing and talking in her hardly audible voice... and her weird logic LOL... and mark! he actually is on facebook! hahahaha u are so so dead man... i'll bombard u with all the facebook applications invitations hahahahahaha~ but i'm really glad that we're so friendly like friends... ^^ really enjoy crapping with them strangely haha... at least i dun have to worry about whether what i'm doing will make others get the wrong idea blah blah blah...
now all i want is some private time off tutorials and thinking back into the past... to rest up before i really fall sick and vomit blood. after that nap... it's time for ee3003 to DIE!!! DIE U STUPID INTEGRATED ELECTRONICS!!! RAWRRR!!! *attempts to rip apart notes*
ok that's an exaggeration.
3 tutorials per day is really too far a goal for me... i'll die before i attain such a goal...
wasted half a day yesterday slacking with randy... long time we had such a long talk... disturbing each other haha... guess he's the only guy friend i dare to wreck havoc with... talked about a lot of things... like our individual problems... he oso 破财... like me in may... but he only lost 600 cos he had a car accident and banged into this other guy's bumper... problem was... the lousy bumper cost 600 to replace. that was like crazy lah. oh well... hope he isn't too bothered by it now... 600 can earn back fast... at the good thing is no one is hurt... that's the most important... as what i told myself to make me feel better back then... 就当作是破财消灾吧！
then we talked about relationships... he keeps asking me when i'm going to get a boyfriend. who are u ah. my dad ah? so worried abt whether i can get married off or not lmao~ but it's true bah... dun dare to get too close to guys le after all the things that happened... good thing he attached, else i dun think i'm able to tell him all this kind of things like i do now... really thanks for ur concern... but i dun think i wanna get attached now anyway... got so many other things to worry about... like money n studies... who wants to spend their effort and time on something so unstable like love? end up losing all ur time n effort and get urself hurt. no point sia.
but the whole talk made me think about a lot of things... like things that happened in the past... like how that time when we were back in acjc first 3 months... i remembered this all of a sudden and it surprised him! during valentine's day and i didn't know he had a girlfriend then... he bought this bouquet of flowers... and i saw him carrying it. then dunno y he suddenly tries to protect himself and said... this bouquet of flowers is not for u... for my mum. harlow i wasn't even thinking it was for me lah. and when u said this comment it became more suspicious lor. and who buys a bouquet for mothers on valentine's day? even if so fillial buy one stalk good liao... so rich to buy a bouquet somemore... dots.
and of course on the other more... unhappy stuff... like the big event that happened to me before and after a lvls... how he tried to console me when i was at rock bottom... and he said that everything has nothing to do with me... and that the other party was a... ok i quote him haha... a jerk. well the funny thing is... i was feeling quite peaceful after the entire incident... but when he said that and the more i think about it... i feel more 不值 for myself. thinking why i'm so stupid. and that the other party really is a jerk. haha. aiyoh how can i say such a thing abt the "other party". cannot cannot cannot. haiz. the never ending argument in myself...
and that's when the first signs of me falling sick started appearing... i had blocked and runny nose the entire afternoon... kept sneezing... at first i tot who kept thinking of me *aha... bhb!* then the runny nose lasted too long to be just a prank someone tries to play on me haha... so yeaps, i think i'm sick now... not the very sick until want to die kind, but on the verge of falling sick bah.
one good thing about yesterday was that i managed to talk to randy and crap with him the entire afternoon, and i was able to complete 2.5 tutorials after that... before i totally cmi and went home from macs at 10pm... had a good chat with pansy and pey lun as well... that made me quite happy cos the day felt well-spent.
and the funny thing is... my tuition kids do disturb me online! yesterday bobby asked me to watch 2 youtube videos on ms swan from MADtv... make me laugh and cannot go to sleep because in my mind the stupid ms swan kept appearing and talking in her hardly audible voice... and her weird logic LOL... and mark! he actually is on facebook! hahahaha u are so so dead man... i'll bombard u with all the facebook applications invitations hahahahahaha~ but i'm really glad that we're so friendly like friends... ^^ really enjoy crapping with them strangely haha... at least i dun have to worry about whether what i'm doing will make others get the wrong idea blah blah blah...
now all i want is some private time off tutorials and thinking back into the past... to rest up before i really fall sick and vomit blood. after that nap... it's time for ee3003 to DIE!!! DIE U STUPID INTEGRATED ELECTRONICS!!! RAWRRR!!! *attempts to rip apart notes*
ok that's an exaggeration.
17 September 2007
just my thoughts on presentations...
1. it's better to focus on content and method of delivery rather than on looks... better wear a pair of comfortable shoes... like lower heels... rather than to tremble while presenting...
2. better time management so that you can prepare your speech and slides better... it sux when u're given an assignment with so little time to the deadline, but time can be made for it... and if others can do it, why not you?
3. content wise... people are suckers for examples it seems... and come up with good ones... not boring ones...
4. try to predict audience response... i failed today at trying to get responses from the audience it seems... a few kind souls tried to help me out... my team mates insisted my presentation wasn't that bad... but i can tell that the audience wasn't as interested as i would like them to be... maybe it was my dry topic? hmmms... if only i had more time to think about my presentation and think of ways to make people interested in what i have to say... remember, people are not obliged to listen... they are there physically, who knows where their soul is... so giving examples is good... varying pitch and tone helps too...
5. self confidence... it is very important to believe in your own abilities... that you can present well and u're confident of your material... even if u're not... well, i wasn't today... was deeply affected by my previous speaker who kept speaking like a bullet train... her speech made me feel nervous though initially i was not... made me feel like i'm a lousy presenter when i compare myself to her... haiz i'm still not good enough not to let others affect me... =(
haiz. it seems i have loads of room for improvement on the presentation skills department.
1. it's better to focus on content and method of delivery rather than on looks... better wear a pair of comfortable shoes... like lower heels... rather than to tremble while presenting...
2. better time management so that you can prepare your speech and slides better... it sux when u're given an assignment with so little time to the deadline, but time can be made for it... and if others can do it, why not you?
3. content wise... people are suckers for examples it seems... and come up with good ones... not boring ones...
4. try to predict audience response... i failed today at trying to get responses from the audience it seems... a few kind souls tried to help me out... my team mates insisted my presentation wasn't that bad... but i can tell that the audience wasn't as interested as i would like them to be... maybe it was my dry topic? hmmms... if only i had more time to think about my presentation and think of ways to make people interested in what i have to say... remember, people are not obliged to listen... they are there physically, who knows where their soul is... so giving examples is good... varying pitch and tone helps too...
5. self confidence... it is very important to believe in your own abilities... that you can present well and u're confident of your material... even if u're not... well, i wasn't today... was deeply affected by my previous speaker who kept speaking like a bullet train... her speech made me feel nervous though initially i was not... made me feel like i'm a lousy presenter when i compare myself to her... haiz i'm still not good enough not to let others affect me... =(
haiz. it seems i have loads of room for improvement on the presentation skills department.
15 September 2007
wow... i realise i've been blogging almost everyday these few weeks... should i say that's good news?
in another few more hours, weijie would be flying off to start his architecture course... i might be flying to shanghai at the start of 2008 for my industrial attatchment... pansy and yuchun flying to china at around september 2008 for the rest of their course which would take around 2 years... all of a sudden i feel like i'm drifting away from so many people! there are others who had already left for their own... futures? like jonathan and jinyi and zhidong... but still... as more and more of us drift to different parts of the world... i wonder... will we be able to stay in contact? can we still stay as close as before?
i highly doubt that... but i don't wanna drift apart from my treasured friends... like pansy... i can't imagine if there's no one for me to disturb and go on sudden shopping trips just around our house... or our weekly weekend dinners... lol~ just saying this makes me sound weak, but i'm not afraid to show it... and she might not be coming back to singapore at the end of her course! so many uncertainties... makes me wanna treasure our time together as much as possible now...
but i have my reservations about... "friends". maybe those who are close to me can already tell... i can't quite trust people easily... so it's hard for acquintances to cross the border for me to really treat and accept them as friends... as in good friends bah... people whom i'm willing to try to help as much as i can... the kind of 生死之交... i suppose it's good to be cautious... but sometimes it really kinda hinders me from really interacting with people i suppose... and i really wonder whether i'm just being over sensitive... can i start to trust "friends" a little bit more? or am i just being plain stupid to even try make myself even susceptible to possible hurt and betrayal in the future?
that's why... i must treasure those whom i consider as good friends even more... one way to look at this is that... it's so hard for two people to come together and be able to understand and stay with each other for so long... and to be able to click! so we should treasure this kind of "缘分" so to say... i admit in the past i was so afraid of losing one of my best friends that i threw away that relationship on my own and left her alone wondering what actually happened... now that i think about it... it's plain stupid. haha i was such a weakling then...
12:33am now.. so tired with such deep eye bags that pansy and i called ourselves the pandas... haha~ should i go sleep now? or chiong my presentation slides? =S
in another few more hours, weijie would be flying off to start his architecture course... i might be flying to shanghai at the start of 2008 for my industrial attatchment... pansy and yuchun flying to china at around september 2008 for the rest of their course which would take around 2 years... all of a sudden i feel like i'm drifting away from so many people! there are others who had already left for their own... futures? like jonathan and jinyi and zhidong... but still... as more and more of us drift to different parts of the world... i wonder... will we be able to stay in contact? can we still stay as close as before?
i highly doubt that... but i don't wanna drift apart from my treasured friends... like pansy... i can't imagine if there's no one for me to disturb and go on sudden shopping trips just around our house... or our weekly weekend dinners... lol~ just saying this makes me sound weak, but i'm not afraid to show it... and she might not be coming back to singapore at the end of her course! so many uncertainties... makes me wanna treasure our time together as much as possible now...
but i have my reservations about... "friends". maybe those who are close to me can already tell... i can't quite trust people easily... so it's hard for acquintances to cross the border for me to really treat and accept them as friends... as in good friends bah... people whom i'm willing to try to help as much as i can... the kind of 生死之交... i suppose it's good to be cautious... but sometimes it really kinda hinders me from really interacting with people i suppose... and i really wonder whether i'm just being over sensitive... can i start to trust "friends" a little bit more? or am i just being plain stupid to even try make myself even susceptible to possible hurt and betrayal in the future?
that's why... i must treasure those whom i consider as good friends even more... one way to look at this is that... it's so hard for two people to come together and be able to understand and stay with each other for so long... and to be able to click! so we should treasure this kind of "缘分" so to say... i admit in the past i was so afraid of losing one of my best friends that i threw away that relationship on my own and left her alone wondering what actually happened... now that i think about it... it's plain stupid. haha i was such a weakling then...
12:33am now.. so tired with such deep eye bags that pansy and i called ourselves the pandas... haha~ should i go sleep now? or chiong my presentation slides? =S
13 September 2007
12 September 2007
11 September 2007
夠愛
作詞： A Chord 作曲： 東城衛 脩
編曲： 東城衛 演唱： A Chord & 東城衛
我穿梭金星 木星 水星 火星 土星 追尋
追尋你 時間滴答滴答滴答答滴身影
指頭還殘留 你為我 擦的指甲油
沒想走 你好像說過 你和我 會不會有以後
世界一直一直變 地球不停的轉動
在你的時空 我從未退縮懦弱
當我靠在你耳朵 只想輕輕對你說
我的溫柔 只想讓你都擁有
我的愛只能夠 讓你一個 人獨自擁有
我的靈和魂魄 不停守候 在你心門口
我的傷和眼淚 化為烏有 為你而流
隱藏在無邊無際 小小宇宙 愛你的我
你聽見了嗎 我為你唱的這首歌
是為了要證明 我為了你 存在的意義
世界一直一直變 地球不停的轉動
在你的時空 我從未退縮懦弱
當我靠在你耳朵 只想輕輕對你說
我的溫柔 只想讓你都擁有
我的愛只能夠 讓你一個 人獨自擁有
我的靈和魂魄 不停守候 在你心門口
我的傷和眼淚 化為烏有 為你而流
隱藏在無邊無際 小小宇宙 愛你的我
愛你的我 不能停止脈搏 為了愛你奮鬥 就請你讓我 說出口
愛只能夠 讓你一個 人獨自擁有
我的靈和魂魄 不停守候 在你心門口
我的傷和眼淚 化為烏有 為你而流
隱藏在無邊無際 小小宇宙 愛你的我 愛你的我
我穿梭金星 木星 水星 火星 土星 追尋
追尋你 時間滴答滴答滴答答滴身影
i realise i'm starting to like chinese rock a lot... influence from the tv show i'm watching now, 終極一家 and great bands like 五月天... ok maybe it's just that i found a new genre of music to enjoy listening to... i like japanese rock too from a long time ago...
i wanna learn how to play the electric guitar! and to sing with a band! \(TTmTT)/ haiz. my far away dream...
作詞： A Chord 作曲： 東城衛 脩
編曲： 東城衛 演唱： A Chord & 東城衛
我穿梭金星 木星 水星 火星 土星 追尋
追尋你 時間滴答滴答滴答答滴身影
指頭還殘留 你為我 擦的指甲油
沒想走 你好像說過 你和我 會不會有以後
世界一直一直變 地球不停的轉動
在你的時空 我從未退縮懦弱
當我靠在你耳朵 只想輕輕對你說
我的溫柔 只想讓你都擁有
我的愛只能夠 讓你一個 人獨自擁有
我的靈和魂魄 不停守候 在你心門口
我的傷和眼淚 化為烏有 為你而流
隱藏在無邊無際 小小宇宙 愛你的我
你聽見了嗎 我為你唱的這首歌
是為了要證明 我為了你 存在的意義
世界一直一直變 地球不停的轉動
在你的時空 我從未退縮懦弱
當我靠在你耳朵 只想輕輕對你說
我的溫柔 只想讓你都擁有
我的愛只能夠 讓你一個 人獨自擁有
我的靈和魂魄 不停守候 在你心門口
我的傷和眼淚 化為烏有 為你而流
隱藏在無邊無際 小小宇宙 愛你的我
愛你的我 不能停止脈搏 為了愛你奮鬥 就請你讓我 說出口
愛只能夠 讓你一個 人獨自擁有
我的靈和魂魄 不停守候 在你心門口
我的傷和眼淚 化為烏有 為你而流
隱藏在無邊無際 小小宇宙 愛你的我 愛你的我
我穿梭金星 木星 水星 火星 土星 追尋
追尋你 時間滴答滴答滴答答滴身影
i realise i'm starting to like chinese rock a lot... influence from the tv show i'm watching now, 終極一家 and great bands like 五月天... ok maybe it's just that i found a new genre of music to enjoy listening to... i like japanese rock too from a long time ago...
i wanna learn how to play the electric guitar! and to sing with a band! \(TTmTT)/ haiz. my far away dream...
10 September 2007
i can't help but to feel like an idiot these days.
maybe mark's right... i'm just too softhearted?
i ought to look at things from alternate perspectives... getting stuck in your own opinion and viewpoint can kill and lead one to making uninformed decisions. i made the decision last time... so i must and will stick to it. and i will not let you affect my life again. not worth it anyway. rawr.
time to start bucking up and catching up on my tutorials, presentations, assignments and japanese...
maybe mark's right... i'm just too softhearted?
i ought to look at things from alternate perspectives... getting stuck in your own opinion and viewpoint can kill and lead one to making uninformed decisions. i made the decision last time... so i must and will stick to it. and i will not let you affect my life again. not worth it anyway. rawr.
time to start bucking up and catching up on my tutorials, presentations, assignments and japanese...
09 September 2007
突然有个念头。
我好想离开这里。离开这个充满回忆的地方。离开这个让我感到疲惫的地方。离开这个似乎不适合我的世界。不想留在这个整天彼此伤害对方的世界里。这算是我的逃避心理吗？还是这只是我胡思乱想罢了？
生命里明明有这么多美好的事情，但却因为莫名的压力，让我们的双眼蒙蔽。当初美丽的太阳，花草树木，我已经无法像以前一样逍遥的欣赏。考试，作业，永远忙不完的事情接二连三地堆。说实在的，我真的累了。我知道这是我选择的道路，会比其他人来的辛苦。可是现在的我正在犹豫。。。这条路。。。真的是选对了吗？
但或许，选择权并不在我手里。
我不想再受伤害了。
但似乎，我又常常故意让自己受伤。
就算没这回事，每次胡思乱想，心里就会感到不舒服。
难道我有自虐倾向？
明天的测验该怎么办？嗨。
我好想离开这里。离开这个充满回忆的地方。离开这个让我感到疲惫的地方。离开这个似乎不适合我的世界。不想留在这个整天彼此伤害对方的世界里。这算是我的逃避心理吗？还是这只是我胡思乱想罢了？
生命里明明有这么多美好的事情，但却因为莫名的压力，让我们的双眼蒙蔽。当初美丽的太阳，花草树木，我已经无法像以前一样逍遥的欣赏。考试，作业，永远忙不完的事情接二连三地堆。说实在的，我真的累了。我知道这是我选择的道路，会比其他人来的辛苦。可是现在的我正在犹豫。。。这条路。。。真的是选对了吗？
但或许，选择权并不在我手里。
我不想再受伤害了。
但似乎，我又常常故意让自己受伤。
就算没这回事，每次胡思乱想，心里就会感到不舒服。
难道我有自虐倾向？
明天的测验该怎么办？嗨。
why did i dream of you again this morning?...
dreamt of you drawing pictures of snowflakes for your new love... i tried to talk to you but you ignored me. so i ignored you despite how you reluctantly tried to apologise to me later.
but in afterthought... what right did i have to do this to you? in my dream i looked so childish.
and why must i dream of you this morning.
conclusion: i'm still as baka as ever lmao.
dreamt of you drawing pictures of snowflakes for your new love... i tried to talk to you but you ignored me. so i ignored you despite how you reluctantly tried to apologise to me later.
but in afterthought... what right did i have to do this to you? in my dream i looked so childish.
and why must i dream of you this morning.
conclusion: i'm still as baka as ever lmao.
07 September 2007
i can't help but to feel stupid. or maybe i'm stupid. rawr.
i purposely put myself in position for others to hurt me.
baka. you never learn from your mistakes.
currently procrastinating on my lab report. i have absolutely no idea what to include and what not to include in the lab report... which figures to scan in from my lab manual, which ones to leave out. argh. can i ask someone else to do my lab report for me instead? lol~
i feel whiny today =(
i purposely put myself in position for others to hurt me.
baka. you never learn from your mistakes.
currently procrastinating on my lab report. i have absolutely no idea what to include and what not to include in the lab report... which figures to scan in from my lab manual, which ones to leave out. argh. can i ask someone else to do my lab report for me instead? lol~
i feel whiny today =(
04 September 2007
the gip interview yesterday turned out fine... and much better than i thought.... perhaps lol! i ended up chatting with the professors... despite being left totally in shock after the first question they asked me... which is "what is GIP in chinese"? i stunned and actually replied... i have never heard of such a thing! i think i must have sounded super dumb in front of my profs in retrospect... well... hope i will get the chance to go china... and then i can try to apply for the scholarship...
actually quite excited by the idea of living alone in a foreign country for 6 months... i wanna learn to be more independent ^^ like how to handle my own laundry, cooking... *i hope the food i cook will be edible haha~*
and my professors actually told me off because i felt i didn't have much chance when applying for the exchange... they say my gpa is way above average when in my opinion i think it's not that good... ok i think pple will slap me for that statement above, but that's how i really feel haha~ so yeaps they said the locals strangely have very low confidence... which is very true at least in my case haha~ afraid of being out shined by the foreign students, being too humble until it brings the negative effect of having low self-esteem... we seal off our opportunities which are actually available for us to grasp... after hearing them say this i sort of got encouraged by what they said... and gained a little more confidence in my abilities lol~
and the good luck continued today... and really... i guess it's really all in the mind. i was very weary and dreaded doing homework... but yesterday for the first time i sat down at home and read my lecture notes... and i did 2 tutorials today.... a slight sense of achievement though the 2 tutorials themselves took like... 2+ hrs to complete *excluding time to revise notes* i'm surprised i can sit still and even finish 1 tutorial in a go haha~
and the prof. comm. lessons which i dread so much? the tutor still looks as stern as ever... and i totally panicked when i realised i totally forgot that i have that tutorial today and i forgot to bring the textbook.... thanks shian for lending me her textbook! actually i dun really dare to ask for favors from others... so thanks so much for lending me the textbook without even asking for the reason behind it! it sort of became a morale boost to make me feel less intimidated in the class full of year 4s... and plus! during lunch i met shianchi and yinyin's friends who went on exchange to seattle together... and guess wad? one of them turned out to be my tutorial mate for prof comm! shianchi is my lucky star ^^
i hope everyday can be as cheerful as today...
but for now... let me hit my pillow...
actually quite excited by the idea of living alone in a foreign country for 6 months... i wanna learn to be more independent ^^ like how to handle my own laundry, cooking... *i hope the food i cook will be edible haha~*
and my professors actually told me off because i felt i didn't have much chance when applying for the exchange... they say my gpa is way above average when in my opinion i think it's not that good... ok i think pple will slap me for that statement above, but that's how i really feel haha~ so yeaps they said the locals strangely have very low confidence... which is very true at least in my case haha~ afraid of being out shined by the foreign students, being too humble until it brings the negative effect of having low self-esteem... we seal off our opportunities which are actually available for us to grasp... after hearing them say this i sort of got encouraged by what they said... and gained a little more confidence in my abilities lol~
and the good luck continued today... and really... i guess it's really all in the mind. i was very weary and dreaded doing homework... but yesterday for the first time i sat down at home and read my lecture notes... and i did 2 tutorials today.... a slight sense of achievement though the 2 tutorials themselves took like... 2+ hrs to complete *excluding time to revise notes* i'm surprised i can sit still and even finish 1 tutorial in a go haha~
and the prof. comm. lessons which i dread so much? the tutor still looks as stern as ever... and i totally panicked when i realised i totally forgot that i have that tutorial today and i forgot to bring the textbook.... thanks shian for lending me her textbook! actually i dun really dare to ask for favors from others... so thanks so much for lending me the textbook without even asking for the reason behind it! it sort of became a morale boost to make me feel less intimidated in the class full of year 4s... and plus! during lunch i met shianchi and yinyin's friends who went on exchange to seattle together... and guess wad? one of them turned out to be my tutorial mate for prof comm! shianchi is my lucky star ^^
i hope everyday can be as cheerful as today...
but for now... let me hit my pillow...
02 September 2007
01 September 2007
*惊叹* 我是不是变成了腐女？最近都不想出门，只想在家里休息，什么都不想要管。天啊，我好不容易才摆脱了这个称号，现在似乎又回到开学前的状态。。。真的是ohmygod!
最近似乎每天都出门，一天不出门就觉得怪怪的。昨天翘掉整天的课，有一点过意不去。。。不过也因为这样，我终于逼自己做了点作业。或许是这几个星期忙到疯了，想歇息一下，所以这几天都没有心情做任何作业。。。好危险呀。。。我明明功课比别人还繁重，还在这里耍孩子脾气。。。真是无可救药。。。
这阵子我似乎很喜欢用华文来写我的部落格。。。我的华文似乎退步了好多。。。连部落格该怎么写都不知道。。。真是差劲。如果明年到中国实习华文还是这么差。。。真是丢脸。
其实我很想用日文来写部落格，但我的日文实在是。。。cmi。。。说了都觉得惭愧。最近也没空为今年底的考试做准备，真是不应该。。。明明有时间的。。。但是我无法定下心，每天都要看《终极一家》。。。说真的。。。真的非常上瘾。。。超爱里面的人物与演员。。。大東!!!禹哲!!!简直是帅呆了。。。
好啦，我的疯也发到这里就到此为止吧，不然每个人都会知道我私底下是个神经病。。。哎呀，不小心说了出来。。。哈哈。
最近似乎每天都出门，一天不出门就觉得怪怪的。昨天翘掉整天的课，有一点过意不去。。。不过也因为这样，我终于逼自己做了点作业。或许是这几个星期忙到疯了，想歇息一下，所以这几天都没有心情做任何作业。。。好危险呀。。。我明明功课比别人还繁重，还在这里耍孩子脾气。。。真是无可救药。。。
这阵子我似乎很喜欢用华文来写我的部落格。。。我的华文似乎退步了好多。。。连部落格该怎么写都不知道。。。真是差劲。如果明年到中国实习华文还是这么差。。。真是丢脸。
其实我很想用日文来写部落格，但我的日文实在是。。。cmi。。。说了都觉得惭愧。最近也没空为今年底的考试做准备，真是不应该。。。明明有时间的。。。但是我无法定下心，每天都要看《终极一家》。。。说真的。。。真的非常上瘾。。。超爱里面的人物与演员。。。大東!!!禹哲!!!简直是帅呆了。。。
好啦，我的疯也发到这里就到此为止吧，不然每个人都会知道我私底下是个神经病。。。哎呀，不小心说了出来。。。哈哈。
28 August 2007
i love you.
but i'm too afraid of being pricked by your thorns so much that i don't dare to stay close to you.
i like doing software programming. it's fun taking a problem apart to solve them in smaller bits, but sometimes debugging them takes millions of years and i simply don't have the time to debug them one by one... especially when you have no idea what exactly went wrong. i struggled between whether to try debug everything in one afternoon or to copy and paste from a past year "sample" program provided by some kinds souls, presumably our seniors lol~ in the end conscience lost LOL how much is conscience worth in this cruel society anyway.
ok i doubt anyone's interested in that technical talk anyway LOL
i love japanese and their culture too. i finally registered for jlpt 3 today and saw lee sensei after like... 4 months? i guess i still like her a lot like last time when she was still my japanese sensei... strangely i can trust her... she's like my mum to me... opps my biological mum dun be upset hor! then we talked a little about the syllabus for jlpt 3... about the summer festival which i couldn't go sadly last sat... haiz. i wish i could have taken japanese lvl 4 under her... but time doesn't allow that. and i have to pull up my grades. haiz i'm in a total dilemna...
so many things i wanna do, so little time. am i just being too ambitious and unrealistic?
i haven't been studying japanese last week... and i'm lagging in tutorials now. what should i do now? drop one of my commitments? like to stop working part time to help ling ling? haiz i'm at a loss...
how about this? i love resting up and napping... but because of my tight schedule... my dark eye bags are starting to show again...
why is it that i love you so much? and yet i can't stay together with the things/people i love?
is it just because i love myself more than anything else?
but i'm too afraid of being pricked by your thorns so much that i don't dare to stay close to you.
i like doing software programming. it's fun taking a problem apart to solve them in smaller bits, but sometimes debugging them takes millions of years and i simply don't have the time to debug them one by one... especially when you have no idea what exactly went wrong. i struggled between whether to try debug everything in one afternoon or to copy and paste from a past year "sample" program provided by some kinds souls, presumably our seniors lol~ in the end conscience lost LOL how much is conscience worth in this cruel society anyway.
ok i doubt anyone's interested in that technical talk anyway LOL
i love japanese and their culture too. i finally registered for jlpt 3 today and saw lee sensei after like... 4 months? i guess i still like her a lot like last time when she was still my japanese sensei... strangely i can trust her... she's like my mum to me... opps my biological mum dun be upset hor! then we talked a little about the syllabus for jlpt 3... about the summer festival which i couldn't go sadly last sat... haiz. i wish i could have taken japanese lvl 4 under her... but time doesn't allow that. and i have to pull up my grades. haiz i'm in a total dilemna...
so many things i wanna do, so little time. am i just being too ambitious and unrealistic?
i haven't been studying japanese last week... and i'm lagging in tutorials now. what should i do now? drop one of my commitments? like to stop working part time to help ling ling? haiz i'm at a loss...
how about this? i love resting up and napping... but because of my tight schedule... my dark eye bags are starting to show again...
why is it that i love you so much? and yet i can't stay together with the things/people i love?
is it just because i love myself more than anything else?
26 August 2007
so near, yet so far.
so far, yet so near?
nah... maybe not.
so near, yet so far.
i'm always trying to observe others whom i really care about... sometimes i can step into their lives to offer them help or just to listen, sometimes i'm just a mere observer, and the other party in question might not even know i'm "spying" him/her... lol~ but wad abt me in the shoes of the "other" party? there'll definitely be people "spying" on me to see how i'm doing i suppose... and one of the methods is to spy this blog. oh no i hate spies... haha jokings lah~
so near, yet so far.
it always happens. u're at the last question of your tutorial, but why must that last part of that last question always leave you stumped and unable to complete the tutorial? the end is so near yet so far... happiness is so bitter yet so sweet...
so near, yet so far.
i'm so near to my notes *in fact they're just underneath my laptop* for me to read up to start my new tutorial due tml... but nothing goes in. still so far away from starting work proper. sighz.
so near, yet so far...
so near the time for me to hit the bed... but still got so many things to complete... rest time seems so so far away from now...
i wan a 1 week holiday now! \(TT m TT)/
so far, yet so near?
nah... maybe not.
so near, yet so far.
i'm always trying to observe others whom i really care about... sometimes i can step into their lives to offer them help or just to listen, sometimes i'm just a mere observer, and the other party in question might not even know i'm "spying" him/her... lol~ but wad abt me in the shoes of the "other" party? there'll definitely be people "spying" on me to see how i'm doing i suppose... and one of the methods is to spy this blog. oh no i hate spies... haha jokings lah~
so near, yet so far.
it always happens. u're at the last question of your tutorial, but why must that last part of that last question always leave you stumped and unable to complete the tutorial? the end is so near yet so far... happiness is so bitter yet so sweet...
so near, yet so far.
i'm so near to my notes *in fact they're just underneath my laptop* for me to read up to start my new tutorial due tml... but nothing goes in. still so far away from starting work proper. sighz.
so near, yet so far...
so near the time for me to hit the bed... but still got so many things to complete... rest time seems so so far away from now...
i wan a 1 week holiday now! \(TT m TT)/
24 August 2007
sometimes even though u know that u can definitely go on, but you just wanna break down and let loose of all the things pent up in you. today is one of such days when i just wanna pull my hair out and cry and whine abt things lol.
reminds me of the song mark likes to sing.... there was a time~ when people said that singapore wouldn't make it... but we did... there was a time... when troubles seem too much for us to take... but we did...
ok laugh la. wad's with me being patriotic all of a sudden when national day is long past? oh well... even if we have too many troubles, things will eventually turn out fine bah i suppose...
i guess i need to plan my time properly and rest properly too... was feeling giddy yesterday and i wonder if it was cos i skipped dinner the day before when i was at work lmao. so i ate that night's dinner together with yesterday night's dinner and my stomach feels super bloated today LOL. where got pple compensate for a skipped meal like i do seriously... zzz
i wonder sometimes... whether i exhibit half hearted kindness to others. i suppose i do... lol~ but i'm definitely not the only one. perhaps, people are only kind to you when they see benefits to it. i don't know why i'm so negative when it comes to such things... is there some way for me to view it more positively? like i do exhibit half hearted kindness to others... sometimes it's because i feel it's not worth it and things like that. i liked myself better last time when i wouldn't care about anything and help others out just because they needed the help, regardless of whether it was called for or not. where did that me go to? is it lost in the dark world i've started to notice a few years back?
reminds me of what one of my favourite profs said yesterday... we cry the first thing we come to earth, because we've just stepped onto this cruel world... and though it's humourous... i suppose that's quite true... for a while i've got a thought that maybe we're all here as a punishment... lol! if god exists, and so does heaven and angels... maybe we were all angels once, but sent down to earth as punishment for something we've done wrong or something... or am i too bhb to think of ourselves as angels before we came here? lmao~
ok time to go back to lecture recording and start on my tutorial... how can i finish all my tutorials + project + lab reports + presentations on time???? \(TTmTT)/
reminds me of the song mark likes to sing.... there was a time~ when people said that singapore wouldn't make it... but we did... there was a time... when troubles seem too much for us to take... but we did...
ok laugh la. wad's with me being patriotic all of a sudden when national day is long past? oh well... even if we have too many troubles, things will eventually turn out fine bah i suppose...
i guess i need to plan my time properly and rest properly too... was feeling giddy yesterday and i wonder if it was cos i skipped dinner the day before when i was at work lmao. so i ate that night's dinner together with yesterday night's dinner and my stomach feels super bloated today LOL. where got pple compensate for a skipped meal like i do seriously... zzz
i wonder sometimes... whether i exhibit half hearted kindness to others. i suppose i do... lol~ but i'm definitely not the only one. perhaps, people are only kind to you when they see benefits to it. i don't know why i'm so negative when it comes to such things... is there some way for me to view it more positively? like i do exhibit half hearted kindness to others... sometimes it's because i feel it's not worth it and things like that. i liked myself better last time when i wouldn't care about anything and help others out just because they needed the help, regardless of whether it was called for or not. where did that me go to? is it lost in the dark world i've started to notice a few years back?
reminds me of what one of my favourite profs said yesterday... we cry the first thing we come to earth, because we've just stepped onto this cruel world... and though it's humourous... i suppose that's quite true... for a while i've got a thought that maybe we're all here as a punishment... lol! if god exists, and so does heaven and angels... maybe we were all angels once, but sent down to earth as punishment for something we've done wrong or something... or am i too bhb to think of ourselves as angels before we came here? lmao~
ok time to go back to lecture recording and start on my tutorial... how can i finish all my tutorials + project + lab reports + presentations on time???? \(TTmTT)/
18 August 2007
不准哭
歌手：同恩
我把自己反锁在空荡荡的房屋
感谢你让我想个清楚
因为爱你所以我不做你的包袱
我不需要谁温柔安抚
请放心我很快就能恢复
找到一个人陪我漫步
不准哭
我不要装可怜无辜
挡住你的路挡不住你追逐
不准哭
我更应该微笑祝福
祝你找到对的幸福
如果我消失不见
你在乎不在乎
别含含糊糊我很在乎
因为爱你所以我选另外一条路
离开是我的最后让步
请放心我很快就能恢复
找到一个人陪我漫步
不准哭
我不要装可怜无辜
挡住你的路挡不住你追逐
不准哭
我更应该微笑祝福
祝你找到对的幸福
爱情就到这里结束
我们不得不 不得不屈服
只能笑
不准哭
我不要装可怜无辜
挡住你的路 挡不住你追逐
不准哭
我学不会微笑祝福
祝你找到
祝你找到对的幸福
身旁一直以来都有许多许多需要别人关心的人。以前的我。。。算是虚伪的自己吧，把注意力放在他人，是希望别人能注意到自己的烦恼，注意到自己也需要他们的关心。现在回想起这样的自己，总觉得那种虚伪的行为。。。有一点可耻。或许是我对自己太过苛刻了吧。
不准哭。不管是现实的我，或是梦里的我，我们都不准哭。
拼命地让自己忙碌到没有时间胡思乱想。所以现实中的我，不管再怎么辛苦，都不会再次哭泣。但是到了夜深人静进入梦乡时，脆弱的自己一一显露在梦境里。我讨厌那样的自己。梦醒时的我，不管再怎么难过辛苦，都会告诉自己，就算老天要怎样折腾我，我都不要再次失去笑容。为什么梦里的我竟然把这个念头彻底地忘却呢？所以，梦中的我，你也不准哭。
在此，我想感谢在梦里陪伴我的好友。。。是他们在梦中给了我勇气，让我知道我不是独自面对。谢谢你们。。。
那些现在也过的不是很好的好友们：我们大家都不要哭。为了那些可恨，试图想让我们难过的人，他们值得让我们失去笑容吗？一点也不值得。所以我们不要输给他们。我们要证明我们比任何人都坚强。比任何人都要幸福。就算难过，私底下大哭一场后，就要收拾好心情，继续向前方迈进。加油！
歌手：同恩
我把自己反锁在空荡荡的房屋
感谢你让我想个清楚
因为爱你所以我不做你的包袱
我不需要谁温柔安抚
请放心我很快就能恢复
找到一个人陪我漫步
不准哭
我不要装可怜无辜
挡住你的路挡不住你追逐
不准哭
我更应该微笑祝福
祝你找到对的幸福
如果我消失不见
你在乎不在乎
别含含糊糊我很在乎
因为爱你所以我选另外一条路
离开是我的最后让步
请放心我很快就能恢复
找到一个人陪我漫步
不准哭
我不要装可怜无辜
挡住你的路挡不住你追逐
不准哭
我更应该微笑祝福
祝你找到对的幸福
爱情就到这里结束
我们不得不 不得不屈服
只能笑
不准哭
我不要装可怜无辜
挡住你的路 挡不住你追逐
不准哭
我学不会微笑祝福
祝你找到
祝你找到对的幸福
身旁一直以来都有许多许多需要别人关心的人。以前的我。。。算是虚伪的自己吧，把注意力放在他人，是希望别人能注意到自己的烦恼，注意到自己也需要他们的关心。现在回想起这样的自己，总觉得那种虚伪的行为。。。有一点可耻。或许是我对自己太过苛刻了吧。
不准哭。不管是现实的我，或是梦里的我，我们都不准哭。
拼命地让自己忙碌到没有时间胡思乱想。所以现实中的我，不管再怎么辛苦，都不会再次哭泣。但是到了夜深人静进入梦乡时，脆弱的自己一一显露在梦境里。我讨厌那样的自己。梦醒时的我，不管再怎么难过辛苦，都会告诉自己，就算老天要怎样折腾我，我都不要再次失去笑容。为什么梦里的我竟然把这个念头彻底地忘却呢？所以，梦中的我，你也不准哭。
在此，我想感谢在梦里陪伴我的好友。。。是他们在梦中给了我勇气，让我知道我不是独自面对。谢谢你们。。。
那些现在也过的不是很好的好友们：我们大家都不要哭。为了那些可恨，试图想让我们难过的人，他们值得让我们失去笑容吗？一点也不值得。所以我们不要输给他们。我们要证明我们比任何人都坚强。比任何人都要幸福。就算难过，私底下大哭一场后，就要收拾好心情，继续向前方迈进。加油！
16 August 2007
我用背叛自己 完成你的期待
as we grow older, we are more and more suspicious of each other. we trample on the weaker ones, fending off the other fellow humans we perceive to be trying to step onto us, all in the name of self-defense. all wrapped up in the heat of our problems, we talk more about our problems, hoping sometimes that others can give us advice. but at the same time, we listen to each other lesser and lesser, we only want to push our ideas to others forcefully. where is all the innocent ones in the past who will wait for each other, give each other a helping hand if they're in need, unquestioning of the "impact" or the "motive" behind that action?
i don't want to grow up...
been studying teaching tuition and just yesterday i just started going back to the cookie shop to help out... woke up this morning feeling extremely drained lol~ now i understand why others who knew about this is worried about me overworking... i can predict that in the near future myself too lol! but oh well, being busy is good, it keeps your mind off things. and u're happy because u've got stuff to do...
and now that i'm back in my house with my own spare time, i've gotta plan how to revise and catch up with my school work, and how to come up with programs with my project =S
project yesterday was fun! we're making a small... hardware component with some instructions programmed into it... to play around with the LEDs on the hardware... it was fun learning to make use of tools to join the different inverters and multiplexers together using the board and wires... hehex~ but we spent our entire lab trying to fix the hardware together... and now i've gotta fret on how to make 5 different codes for the functions to be programmed for that thing... =S how how how? i've got no head no tail at all =S
ok enough ranting... i doubt anyone's interested in this technical talk anyway lol! maybe i should talk less, since pple will be less interested in what others have to say anyway. ^^
as we grow older, we are more and more suspicious of each other. we trample on the weaker ones, fending off the other fellow humans we perceive to be trying to step onto us, all in the name of self-defense. all wrapped up in the heat of our problems, we talk more about our problems, hoping sometimes that others can give us advice. but at the same time, we listen to each other lesser and lesser, we only want to push our ideas to others forcefully. where is all the innocent ones in the past who will wait for each other, give each other a helping hand if they're in need, unquestioning of the "impact" or the "motive" behind that action?
i don't want to grow up...
been studying teaching tuition and just yesterday i just started going back to the cookie shop to help out... woke up this morning feeling extremely drained lol~ now i understand why others who knew about this is worried about me overworking... i can predict that in the near future myself too lol! but oh well, being busy is good, it keeps your mind off things. and u're happy because u've got stuff to do...
and now that i'm back in my house with my own spare time, i've gotta plan how to revise and catch up with my school work, and how to come up with programs with my project =S
project yesterday was fun! we're making a small... hardware component with some instructions programmed into it... to play around with the LEDs on the hardware... it was fun learning to make use of tools to join the different inverters and multiplexers together using the board and wires... hehex~ but we spent our entire lab trying to fix the hardware together... and now i've gotta fret on how to make 5 different codes for the functions to be programmed for that thing... =S how how how? i've got no head no tail at all =S
ok enough ranting... i doubt anyone's interested in this technical talk anyway lol! maybe i should talk less, since pple will be less interested in what others have to say anyway. ^^
14 August 2007
Myself
by Changin' My Life
どうしてどうして 好きなんだろう
こんなに 涙 溢れてる
あの頃は 失うものが多すぎて 何も歌えなかった
少し離れた場所 そこが私の 居場所だった
君の瞳の奥に あの日 さみしさを見つけた
二人似てるのかな？
気付けばいつも 隣にいてくれた
どうしてこんなに 好きなんだろう
君の声 悲しいほど 響いてるヨ
いままで何が 支えだったか
遠く離れて わかったよ
泣きながら 捜し続けた 迷子の 子供のように
けどそこには 永遠なんて あるわけなくて
「誰も信じなければ いいんだよ」 唾やいたね
二人似てたのかな？
あの時君を 守ると決めたのに
どうして思い出に できないんだろう
遠すぎて 近すぎて 届かないよ
「忘れよう」って 思えば思うほど
君が大きく なってくよ
どうしてこんなに 好きなんだろう
君の声 悲しいほど 響いてるヨ
いままで何が 支えだったか
遠く離れて わかったよ
どうして 君を 好きになったんだろう
簡単すぎて答えにならない
by Changin' My Life
どうしてどうして 好きなんだろう
こんなに 涙 溢れてる
あの頃は 失うものが多すぎて 何も歌えなかった
少し離れた場所 そこが私の 居場所だった
君の瞳の奥に あの日 さみしさを見つけた
二人似てるのかな？
気付けばいつも 隣にいてくれた
どうしてこんなに 好きなんだろう
君の声 悲しいほど 響いてるヨ
いままで何が 支えだったか
遠く離れて わかったよ
泣きながら 捜し続けた 迷子の 子供のように
けどそこには 永遠なんて あるわけなくて
「誰も信じなければ いいんだよ」 唾やいたね
二人似てたのかな？
あの時君を 守ると決めたのに
どうして思い出に できないんだろう
遠すぎて 近すぎて 届かないよ
「忘れよう」って 思えば思うほど
君が大きく なってくよ
どうしてこんなに 好きなんだろう
君の声 悲しいほど 響いてるヨ
いままで何が 支えだったか
遠く離れて わかったよ
どうして 君を 好きになったんだろう
簡単すぎて答えにならない
12 August 2007
原来我一直以来，天天都在学习如何与你说再见。
但我似乎总是学不好，如何让自己开心地看着你离开我的视线。
心里有一股说不出的感觉冒上来。不是悲伤，不是愤怒，也不是痛恨。我自己也不太了解自己的心情。其实我心里已经有了个谱。说是要祝福。。。又似乎有一点假。我真的有这个念头，只是想到要祝福又有一点不甘心。又有一点担心。不过这已经不管我的事了，我也无权过问。本来以为没事，又似乎有事。这种混淆不清的心情，我不喜欢。。。
我曾对自己发过誓：当他离开了，我也不会再有眷恋了。看来这是我该长大的时候了。其实我已经慢慢成长了。变得好变得坏的地方都有，对方也应该变成了个我不大熟悉的人了吧。我希望，大家都不会在受到伤害了。这是不是个幼稚的想法呢？如果是，就当作我还是有一丝丝不像长大的念头吧。
我不要恨。恨是件非常累人的事。说我不想再爱？我自己也不太清楚自己的想法。为什么浪费了我三年的青春？有一点为自己打抱不平。是我当时不够成熟。就当作是个惨痛的教训吧。没有什么值得留恋的吧。
我希望你会快乐。这是我从心底的期望，而我也不会再放弃自己的幸福了。
庆瑜呀庆瑜，长大咯。^^长大后，我希望。。。有人能给我一个安慰的拥抱。因为我最讨厌长大的滋味。
但我似乎总是学不好，如何让自己开心地看着你离开我的视线。
心里有一股说不出的感觉冒上来。不是悲伤，不是愤怒，也不是痛恨。我自己也不太了解自己的心情。其实我心里已经有了个谱。说是要祝福。。。又似乎有一点假。我真的有这个念头，只是想到要祝福又有一点不甘心。又有一点担心。不过这已经不管我的事了，我也无权过问。本来以为没事，又似乎有事。这种混淆不清的心情，我不喜欢。。。
我曾对自己发过誓：当他离开了，我也不会再有眷恋了。看来这是我该长大的时候了。其实我已经慢慢成长了。变得好变得坏的地方都有，对方也应该变成了个我不大熟悉的人了吧。我希望，大家都不会在受到伤害了。这是不是个幼稚的想法呢？如果是，就当作我还是有一丝丝不像长大的念头吧。
我不要恨。恨是件非常累人的事。说我不想再爱？我自己也不太清楚自己的想法。为什么浪费了我三年的青春？有一点为自己打抱不平。是我当时不够成熟。就当作是个惨痛的教训吧。没有什么值得留恋的吧。
我希望你会快乐。这是我从心底的期望，而我也不会再放弃自己的幸福了。
庆瑜呀庆瑜，长大咯。^^长大后，我希望。。。有人能给我一个安慰的拥抱。因为我最讨厌长大的滋味。
09 August 2007
another night of endless drinking.
and now, even though i'm still a little sick... i still don't feel like sleeping. maybe it's the side effects of excess alcohol... i wouldn't feel like sleeping after staying out so late...
孩子是天使。他们都在神的守护下成长。。。但是，有的人却因为看不见神而感到寂寞，进而逐一逐一和神说再见。
有的人为了和其他人共存，即使舍弃自己所守护的乐园亦在所不惜。为的就是希望能够被自己所爱的人钟爱！
越想成为完美的天使，就越觉得这个世界是丑陋的。
干脆就让自己一起受污染吧！
事到如今，我真的怀疑。。。这世上是否真的有神。
不再有人需要我，不再有人了解我。
我已经不是。。。天使了。
曾经堕落已久的我，今晚看到那些熟悉的笑脸，对于彼此找到自己的幸福而感到高兴。突然不想再让自己堕落下去了，就算不是天使，或许我有一天会发现自己的背后一直以来都有着一双翅膀，有勇气再次抓紧自己的幸福。。。
my wish list! i realise i really need a proper makeup set desperately! and i need to learn how to put on makeup proper! =X
and now, even though i'm still a little sick... i still don't feel like sleeping. maybe it's the side effects of excess alcohol... i wouldn't feel like sleeping after staying out so late...
孩子是天使。他们都在神的守护下成长。。。但是，有的人却因为看不见神而感到寂寞，进而逐一逐一和神说再见。
有的人为了和其他人共存，即使舍弃自己所守护的乐园亦在所不惜。为的就是希望能够被自己所爱的人钟爱！
越想成为完美的天使，就越觉得这个世界是丑陋的。
干脆就让自己一起受污染吧！
事到如今，我真的怀疑。。。这世上是否真的有神。
不再有人需要我，不再有人了解我。
我已经不是。。。天使了。
~ 《绅士同盟+》 第9话
曾经堕落已久的我，今晚看到那些熟悉的笑脸，对于彼此找到自己的幸福而感到高兴。突然不想再让自己堕落下去了，就算不是天使，或许我有一天会发现自己的背后一直以来都有着一双翅膀，有勇气再次抓紧自己的幸福。。。
my wish list! i realise i really need a proper makeup set desperately! and i need to learn how to put on makeup proper! =X
08 August 2007
i couldn't sleep last night.
restless tossing and turning, listening to the churning of my air-con which usually coaxed me to sleep... they sounded like music to me surprisingly for yesterday night only. reading which usually does its hypnotic effect on me failed terribly too. and no it was not because i was angry like the other instance... i just couldn't understand...
and finally i did drift to dreamland. in my dream, i met someone whom i have not seen nor talked to face to face in a really long while. we were taking a group photo, and that's when the two of us came so close to each other's vicinity in such a long while. then after the photo, the two of us chatted with others like really close friends... which made me quite happy because i could tell he's enjoying himself too. at least for that moment...
and no. it had to be a dream. because such good things wouldn't happen in my real life.
maybe the reason for my insomnia was the manga book i read before i tried to get some rest... "the person he hates most is himself", "you are the only person capable of obtaining your own happiness"... and i look at myself in retrospect... all of a sudden i kind of understand the unrest in me. arguing within me that whatever "good" things that happen are just coincidence, at the "mercy of others"... others who made me happy did it out of their kindness... and i'll push that small happiness away for the fear of its cost that might come along with it... isn't it human nature to want to be happy? why should i even push away my most basic need to want to feel happy?
i feel bad for falling sick on the day of sc and jon's bdae party... i hope i wouldn't be too groggy then when i turn up for the party itself... =S happy birthday to you two in advance! ^^
restless tossing and turning, listening to the churning of my air-con which usually coaxed me to sleep... they sounded like music to me surprisingly for yesterday night only. reading which usually does its hypnotic effect on me failed terribly too. and no it was not because i was angry like the other instance... i just couldn't understand...
and finally i did drift to dreamland. in my dream, i met someone whom i have not seen nor talked to face to face in a really long while. we were taking a group photo, and that's when the two of us came so close to each other's vicinity in such a long while. then after the photo, the two of us chatted with others like really close friends... which made me quite happy because i could tell he's enjoying himself too. at least for that moment...
and no. it had to be a dream. because such good things wouldn't happen in my real life.
maybe the reason for my insomnia was the manga book i read before i tried to get some rest... "the person he hates most is himself", "you are the only person capable of obtaining your own happiness"... and i look at myself in retrospect... all of a sudden i kind of understand the unrest in me. arguing within me that whatever "good" things that happen are just coincidence, at the "mercy of others"... others who made me happy did it out of their kindness... and i'll push that small happiness away for the fear of its cost that might come along with it... isn't it human nature to want to be happy? why should i even push away my most basic need to want to feel happy?
i feel bad for falling sick on the day of sc and jon's bdae party... i hope i wouldn't be too groggy then when i turn up for the party itself... =S happy birthday to you two in advance! ^^
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