late in the night at around 1.30am now...
feeling tireds... back aching like siao... but strangely i don't wanna sleep...
don't wanna admit i'm tireds... don't wanna stop in my path now...
keep running... till the finishing line...
where is the finishing line? it seems so far away...
is the finishing line the day when i finish my exams? or is it the day i lay in eternal slumber?
i've come to admit that no matter what, what that has to happen will happen. there's no way to avoid that. maybe i'm being extremely fatalistic now... i tried to "challenge" fate... i don't know whether i look forward to what fate brings to me... jokes or pain or whatever... i don't even know whether i cared what was going to happen to me. loads of thoughts passing through my mind quickly... without giving me the chance to catch them, to conceptualise them... listening to ah mei's 我要快乐... thinking about a poem i saw a long time ago... "i hate how u make me not hate u. not even a single bit" *ok this was based on memory... exact poem look through my archives* thinking about the distant past which somehow didn't hurt as much as before. it's good that things seem to have faded. i'm still learning to move on... to live independently without much support from others. i guess the only person one can depend on is yourself. take care of yourself before you can think of taking care of others. all these sound so easy to be done... but of course. it's the converse.
there are times i think my life is a joke. seriously... i think i messed up my life quite a number of times until i have no idea where i am heading. i'm just following whatever the road brings me to...
there are also times when i feel totally helpless down my life path... like i have absolutely no control over the things that were about to happen... even if i knew it was coming... even if i tried to do anything to stop it from happening... the inevitable will still occur... you taught me that.
there are also times when i feel totally stupid... trying to tell myself repeatedly the lies i've made up for you... to explain for the things that have happened... that it wasn't intentional... that it didn't mean anything...
there are times when i just feel like stoning... stopping in the middle of the path and wait for some miracle to happen to move me. tired of making the bad choices. tired of getting hurt. tired of running for some unknown goal. what is the purpose of life itself? i have no idea at all. opps this could become depressing if such a thought persists...
computing quiz tomolo! i've promised bing hui i would finish physics tutorial tonites and i'm slacking away... playing all my games throughout the night... haven't finished studying computing too! i wanna give up already... procrastination at its peak tonites... pre-exam stress probably? strangely playing games did not make me destress at all... in the end i'm a little more stressed cos i haven't done what i'm supposed to do... sighz...
staying over at yin yin's n shian chi's room tml... meaning i might waste my night again tml... sighz~ exams are coming! do buck up sotong! =(
22 March 2006
i guess i'm really tireds. that's y i no longer have the strength to further suppress those feelings... those memories of you.
today i'm officially fired. lolx that sound furnies... imagine someone using a flamethrower... then the target's butt caught fire... ouch. ok i'm crapping... wahaha~ fired from tuitioning hillview kid... oh well it's something i ought to be relieved about... i had been complaining about not having enough time to do all the things i want... now i get my wish. but strangely i did not feel happy at all. the lesson today i actually fell asleep while trying to teach her for so many times that i gave up trying to teach her and gave her work to do while i sit and continue to stone. i felt that this is probably karma despite how her mum was telling me they wanted her to be independent and study on her own... they didn't think it was my fault *or at least that's how her mum put is*... but somehow i felt a little bad... maybe i didn't work hard enough... sighz...
volleyball yesterday was super fun! if not for shing yeong who wanted to leave early.. i bet i'll have played with them until... maybe... today? LOL... despite whatever feelings i had i guess i have sorta learnt to put them at bay while i enjoy volleyball... maybe that's one of the reasons y i love volleyball so much.
not forgetting the other reasons as well. you included perhaps?
and i finally managed to get my upperhand surf over! ok i dunno wad's the real term for that surf... but it felt good that at least i've made some improvement and not sabotage my team mates that much... though... ahems. i have learnt the wrong technique of using my feet to catch the ball from this guy whose volleyball techniques are quite zai... opps... volleyball supposed to be a "gentle" game.. then now i play until so chor lor... omg... -_-'''
exams coming in... 20 days time... haven't got the time to revise my stuff yet... haven't even caught up with tutorials. what the hell am i doing now. i'm even too tired to cry now. maybe it's karma for me being so caught up with myself. lolx... y do i keep talking about karma in this entry? reminds me of my sis class' favourite phrase... "bad karma"... haha... ok i'm down with bad karma... peace be with me... -_-'''
effective com presentation tml... i am just praying hard that i don't jinx my team mates... cos... so far all the projects i've done... i've never had good results... pw got a "b", the previous effective com assignment i've gotten a "b" again... while everybody else in the world gets "a"... talk about being stressed... -_- sighz... i just wish everything will go well tml...
japanese... i'm so dead... haven't touched the 5 pages of homework at all... crying wun even help now... and my family are bickering now... which doesn't make things better... i wish life could be a little easier... but obviously things aren't that easy...
which brings to mind the cinematics pleasure test yesterday... haiz another quiz gone down the drain... qingyu qingyu u better buck up and stop procrastinating! geez...
all i wish for now is a good rest. and for you to fade away from my thoughts.
today i'm officially fired. lolx that sound furnies... imagine someone using a flamethrower... then the target's butt caught fire... ouch. ok i'm crapping... wahaha~ fired from tuitioning hillview kid... oh well it's something i ought to be relieved about... i had been complaining about not having enough time to do all the things i want... now i get my wish. but strangely i did not feel happy at all. the lesson today i actually fell asleep while trying to teach her for so many times that i gave up trying to teach her and gave her work to do while i sit and continue to stone. i felt that this is probably karma despite how her mum was telling me they wanted her to be independent and study on her own... they didn't think it was my fault *or at least that's how her mum put is*... but somehow i felt a little bad... maybe i didn't work hard enough... sighz...
volleyball yesterday was super fun! if not for shing yeong who wanted to leave early.. i bet i'll have played with them until... maybe... today? LOL... despite whatever feelings i had i guess i have sorta learnt to put them at bay while i enjoy volleyball... maybe that's one of the reasons y i love volleyball so much.
not forgetting the other reasons as well. you included perhaps?
and i finally managed to get my upperhand surf over! ok i dunno wad's the real term for that surf... but it felt good that at least i've made some improvement and not sabotage my team mates that much... though... ahems. i have learnt the wrong technique of using my feet to catch the ball from this guy whose volleyball techniques are quite zai... opps... volleyball supposed to be a "gentle" game.. then now i play until so chor lor... omg... -_-'''
exams coming in... 20 days time... haven't got the time to revise my stuff yet... haven't even caught up with tutorials. what the hell am i doing now. i'm even too tired to cry now. maybe it's karma for me being so caught up with myself. lolx... y do i keep talking about karma in this entry? reminds me of my sis class' favourite phrase... "bad karma"... haha... ok i'm down with bad karma... peace be with me... -_-'''
effective com presentation tml... i am just praying hard that i don't jinx my team mates... cos... so far all the projects i've done... i've never had good results... pw got a "b", the previous effective com assignment i've gotten a "b" again... while everybody else in the world gets "a"... talk about being stressed... -_- sighz... i just wish everything will go well tml...
japanese... i'm so dead... haven't touched the 5 pages of homework at all... crying wun even help now... and my family are bickering now... which doesn't make things better... i wish life could be a little easier... but obviously things aren't that easy...
which brings to mind the cinematics pleasure test yesterday... haiz another quiz gone down the drain... qingyu qingyu u better buck up and stop procrastinating! geez...
all i wish for now is a good rest. and for you to fade away from my thoughts.
19 March 2006
18 March 2006
tireds.
super duper tireds. i feel like i'm a battery which ran flat.
had diarrhoa again this morning... woke up at 530am, ran to toilet, ate medicine, went back to sleep, woke up again at 8am, mad rush for toilet, then went back to sleep... now wake up, decide that i shall put off the tuition, feeling the weird rumblings of my stomach... sighz.
project laters... i'm afraid that i'm not able to do well for it... sighz... come to think of it maybe i always cannot do well for projects... all the groups i'm with always kanna jinxed by me... oral presentation somemore? geez... i might appear to be able to speak well infront of large groups of people, but then again, i guess not... i'm no longer confident of doing these things... =X
not enough time to do all the things i have to do and want to do... there's exams coming in about 24 days time, tutorials not yet done, volleyball, tuition... plus resting time (which includes sleeping and playing ps2... wahaha!) ok kindly ignore the ps2 part... talking about sleep, i can't believe that i slept on the 2 hour bus journey until i bang my head against the grey partition of the window... and i think i banged it quite loudly... super painful... now still pain... sobz...
yesterday night still cannot sleep well cos of the stomachache... got alot of things to focus on... like to catch up on studies... thinking about our trip to japan... then how to improve my vball skills so that someday i can have a good match with other zai pple in my cca... how to improve my students' grades... how to allocate time so that i have enough rest time as well... playing time can be cut short, but i guess i definitely need more sleep time... haiz...
and so now, before i go off for project, juz lemme nap for 1 more hour... =S
had diarrhoa again this morning... woke up at 530am, ran to toilet, ate medicine, went back to sleep, woke up again at 8am, mad rush for toilet, then went back to sleep... now wake up, decide that i shall put off the tuition, feeling the weird rumblings of my stomach... sighz.
project laters... i'm afraid that i'm not able to do well for it... sighz... come to think of it maybe i always cannot do well for projects... all the groups i'm with always kanna jinxed by me... oral presentation somemore? geez... i might appear to be able to speak well infront of large groups of people, but then again, i guess not... i'm no longer confident of doing these things... =X
not enough time to do all the things i have to do and want to do... there's exams coming in about 24 days time, tutorials not yet done, volleyball, tuition... plus resting time (which includes sleeping and playing ps2... wahaha!) ok kindly ignore the ps2 part... talking about sleep, i can't believe that i slept on the 2 hour bus journey until i bang my head against the grey partition of the window... and i think i banged it quite loudly... super painful... now still pain... sobz...
yesterday night still cannot sleep well cos of the stomachache... got alot of things to focus on... like to catch up on studies... thinking about our trip to japan... then how to improve my vball skills so that someday i can have a good match with other zai pple in my cca... how to improve my students' grades... how to allocate time so that i have enough rest time as well... playing time can be cut short, but i guess i definitely need more sleep time... haiz...
and so now, before i go off for project, juz lemme nap for 1 more hour... =S
15 March 2006
ENDLESS STORY
yay! i finally found the kanji lyrics! here you go...
Endless Story
Yuna Ito
Endless Story
Yuna Ito
If you haven’t changed your mind
そばにいてほしいよ Tonight
強がることに疲れたの
幼すぎたの Everytime I think about you baby
今なら言える I miss you
It’s so hard to say I’m sorry
たとえば 誰かのためじゃなく あなたのために
歌いたい この歌を
終わらない story 続くこの輝きに
Always 伝えたい ずっと永遠に
Memories of our time together
消さなで このまま don’t go away
あたたかく溶けだして 確かめるの
優しさのしずく この胸にひろがってく
切ないほどに I’m missing you
重ねた手 離さないで
たとえば 叶うなら もう一度あなたのために
歌いたい この歌を
終わらない story 絶え間ない愛しさで
tell me why 教えてよ ずっと永遠に
たとえば 誰かのためじゃなく あなたのために
歌いたい この歌を
終わらない story 続くこの輝きに
Always 伝えたい ずっと永遠に
たとえば 叶うなら もう一度あなたのために
歌いたい この歌を
終わらない story 絶え間ない愛しさで
tell me why 教えてよ ずっと永遠に
14 March 2006
how can i even forget the most important things in life...
never depend on others.
and...
never to have any expectations... because... when your expectations fail, the only person who's hurt is you.
it's almost been a year... maybe more, maybe less... come to think of it, i can't even recall which is the exact day. it shouldn't matter now anyway, not that thinking about it will change things...
somehow the tightness in my heart is still there, strangely...
it wouldn't change anything even if i try to search for the reasons, or to try convince myself for the reason y things happened... be it my fault, or the other's fault... i've been trying to convince myself this fact for one year... sometimes it gets to my brain, other times i might just have forgotten for that moment, and things get to me.
the things i've done... the things i have now... those memories... i should have said goodbye to them once i have turned my back and walked away... the reason why i am myself... the reason why i was myself... all because of my foolishness... how i foolishly chased after that so called love of my life... how people are willing to endure pain and suffering just for that moment of happiness... it's all bullshit now that i recall it.
if only i had been more mature and less rash, probably it would have saved us both from pain. or maybe for me only. nothing else mattered. not whether the things u've said were the truth or lies from the beginning till the end. maybe you were trying to make me feel better. maybe i was simply thinking too much. but that's enough. we both understand that we don't want each other to pity the other. and we understand no matter what happens, things can never revert back to the past.
no need for any teary goodbyes. no need for a smile anyway. just... let it go and fade into the past, like the wind gently carassing one's face...
lecture today was about humour. strangely i didn't find it really humourous... the movie shown was Charlie Chaplin's Modern Times... mocking at the Fordian production and capitalist stuff... i sure laughed at the things that happened in the movie... but... somehow i felt i wasn't truely laughing... but i guess the purpose of the movie was to make you laugh despite whether u really found it extremely hilarious or you laughed along because you laugh at how cruel life is and things like that.
smile. that was one of the themes of the movie. smile when u're feeling down, smile when u're on the verge of breaking down... cry can't help solve problems anyway, so smile... because for all you know, the sun might be shining down on you the next day... the lecturer was sorta critising the silly song on smile... how smile can't solve problems... but we all need some form of optimism to keep us going in life. i wanted to laugh right out there... what if we don't need that form of optimism? shall we go on crying everyday?
i shall practise smiling everyday then.
two songs are running in my head now... they've both got the same melody, but they are in different languages... thanks to nana the movie... made me laugh and cry about a lot of things in life... i guess i can really connect with the manga and the characters there... =)
想念你的歌
歌手 : 张惠春 saya 专辑 : 想念你的歌
是否曾经后悔过
那时候扶起说走就走
是否偶尔想过我
所以埋怨我
每当听你的下落
逞强常常让人无法负荷
躲起来边哭边说 i miss you
还舍不得把你封锁
星光闪烁 如何拥有
站在远方才看见星空的轮廓
虽然有时候会寂寞
墙上时钟停格
你说放开手才会快乐
用半生的脉搏 写成想念你的歌
该怎么才能让你懂呢
谁对谁错已经模糊了 忘记了
我们都处理得有点笨拙
已经从来没有
像这一次如此爱过
想念常让我无法负荷
常常只有一个念头 i miss you
我的爱情从来没有死掉过
星光闪烁 如何拥有
站在远方才看见星空的轮廓
虽然有时候会寂寞
墙上时钟停格
你说放开手才会快乐
用半生的脉搏写成想念你的歌
Endless Story
Singer : Yuna Ito (NANA movie soundtrack)
If you haven’t changed your mind
sobani ite hoshii yo TONIGHT
tsuyogaru koto ni
tsukareta no
osana sugi ta no
Everytime I think about you baby
ima nara ieru “I miss you”
It’s so hard to say i’m sorry
tatoeba dareka no tame
jya naku
anata no tameni
utaitai kono uta wo
owaranai STORY
tsuzuku kono kagayaki
ALWAYS tsutaetai
zutto eien ni
Memories of our time together
kesenai de kono mama doko he
atatakaku tokedashite tashikameru no
yasashisa no shizuku
kono mune ni hirogatteku
setsunai hodo ni I’m missing
kasaneta te hanasanaide
tatoeba kanau nara
mou ichido anata no tameni
utaitai
kono uta wo
owaranai STORY
taemanai itooshisade
Tell me why, oshiete yo
zutto eien ni
tatoeba dareka no tame jya naku
anata no tameni utaitai kono uta wo
owaranai STORY
tsuzuku kono kagayaki
ALWAYS tsutaetai zutto eien ni
*shall go find the japanese version of this song lyrics soon...*
never depend on others.
and...
never to have any expectations... because... when your expectations fail, the only person who's hurt is you.
it's almost been a year... maybe more, maybe less... come to think of it, i can't even recall which is the exact day. it shouldn't matter now anyway, not that thinking about it will change things...
somehow the tightness in my heart is still there, strangely...
it wouldn't change anything even if i try to search for the reasons, or to try convince myself for the reason y things happened... be it my fault, or the other's fault... i've been trying to convince myself this fact for one year... sometimes it gets to my brain, other times i might just have forgotten for that moment, and things get to me.
the things i've done... the things i have now... those memories... i should have said goodbye to them once i have turned my back and walked away... the reason why i am myself... the reason why i was myself... all because of my foolishness... how i foolishly chased after that so called love of my life... how people are willing to endure pain and suffering just for that moment of happiness... it's all bullshit now that i recall it.
if only i had been more mature and less rash, probably it would have saved us both from pain. or maybe for me only. nothing else mattered. not whether the things u've said were the truth or lies from the beginning till the end. maybe you were trying to make me feel better. maybe i was simply thinking too much. but that's enough. we both understand that we don't want each other to pity the other. and we understand no matter what happens, things can never revert back to the past.
no need for any teary goodbyes. no need for a smile anyway. just... let it go and fade into the past, like the wind gently carassing one's face...
lecture today was about humour. strangely i didn't find it really humourous... the movie shown was Charlie Chaplin's Modern Times... mocking at the Fordian production and capitalist stuff... i sure laughed at the things that happened in the movie... but... somehow i felt i wasn't truely laughing... but i guess the purpose of the movie was to make you laugh despite whether u really found it extremely hilarious or you laughed along because you laugh at how cruel life is and things like that.
smile. that was one of the themes of the movie. smile when u're feeling down, smile when u're on the verge of breaking down... cry can't help solve problems anyway, so smile... because for all you know, the sun might be shining down on you the next day... the lecturer was sorta critising the silly song on smile... how smile can't solve problems... but we all need some form of optimism to keep us going in life. i wanted to laugh right out there... what if we don't need that form of optimism? shall we go on crying everyday?
i shall practise smiling everyday then.
two songs are running in my head now... they've both got the same melody, but they are in different languages... thanks to nana the movie... made me laugh and cry about a lot of things in life... i guess i can really connect with the manga and the characters there... =)
想念你的歌
歌手 : 张惠春 saya 专辑 : 想念你的歌
是否曾经后悔过
那时候扶起说走就走
是否偶尔想过我
所以埋怨我
每当听你的下落
逞强常常让人无法负荷
躲起来边哭边说 i miss you
还舍不得把你封锁
星光闪烁 如何拥有
站在远方才看见星空的轮廓
虽然有时候会寂寞
墙上时钟停格
你说放开手才会快乐
用半生的脉搏 写成想念你的歌
该怎么才能让你懂呢
谁对谁错已经模糊了 忘记了
我们都处理得有点笨拙
已经从来没有
像这一次如此爱过
想念常让我无法负荷
常常只有一个念头 i miss you
我的爱情从来没有死掉过
星光闪烁 如何拥有
站在远方才看见星空的轮廓
虽然有时候会寂寞
墙上时钟停格
你说放开手才会快乐
用半生的脉搏写成想念你的歌
Endless Story
Singer : Yuna Ito (NANA movie soundtrack)
If you haven’t changed your mind
sobani ite hoshii yo TONIGHT
tsuyogaru koto ni
tsukareta no
osana sugi ta no
Everytime I think about you baby
ima nara ieru “I miss you”
It’s so hard to say i’m sorry
tatoeba dareka no tame
jya naku
anata no tameni
utaitai kono uta wo
owaranai STORY
tsuzuku kono kagayaki
ALWAYS tsutaetai
zutto eien ni
Memories of our time together
kesenai de kono mama doko he
atatakaku tokedashite tashikameru no
yasashisa no shizuku
kono mune ni hirogatteku
setsunai hodo ni I’m missing
kasaneta te hanasanaide
tatoeba kanau nara
mou ichido anata no tameni
utaitai
kono uta wo
owaranai STORY
taemanai itooshisade
Tell me why, oshiete yo
zutto eien ni
tatoeba dareka no tame jya naku
anata no tameni utaitai kono uta wo
owaranai STORY
tsuzuku kono kagayaki
ALWAYS tsutaetai zutto eien ni
*shall go find the japanese version of this song lyrics soon...*
10 March 2006
09 March 2006
08 March 2006
够了。到此为止。
ok highly crappy and "deep" entry coming up... don't say i didn't warn you...
i realised... no matter what i do, no matter when, be it in the past present and probably in the future, i can never win in any kind of argument with guys. i can never get what i want them to do... just take for example today... my brother borrowed my laptop to do something, and moved it from its original position... when i reached home i just told him to put it back for me since he was the one who took and used it, and he should be responsible for putting it back. he ignored me and was concentrating on his game... then i tried to annoy him *ok maybe i asked for it myself*... i tried to poke him at the "soft" spot for most pple... then he reacted by grabbing my hand with force, rubbing my middle finger's joint against the chair... and the result? now my finger joint is swollen... big blue black there... and it hurts like siao... i play volleyball oso wun hurt that much despite all the blue blacks when i first started playing... sighz... and he didn't even say sorry or anything... not that i wanted him to apologise or anything... it just hurts... how guys always ignore what girls have to say just because they think u're not important and stuff...
just like one year ago.
i remember now... everything kept flowing back... the nights when my tears used to help me wash my face... how i tried to talk to someone who kept ignoring me... even a year later, though it is no longer of any importance, the questions still linger in my mind... coming back into picture every now and then... why did this happen? if you didn't mean it, then why did u do so? i guess up till now i still cannot let go...
haha~ nowadays... loads of my friends are attatched all of a sudden! super duper happy for them! pple like my fellow girlfriend shingy... sundoll guy... *his kanojo is my friend's elder sis!!! the world is so so small!* haha dunno y i share their joy in finding their other half! or maybe it's their joy that's spreading to me...
yet... when it comes to myself, i feel nothing. nothing to look forward to anyway. it is nice to have someone u can talk to in depth... someone u know u can trust... someone who will be there when u need him/her... but somehow it doesn't seem likely that it'll happen to me. not that i'm desperately looking for one either.. haha! to a certain extent i think i sound like yuchun! lolx~
what is love? hahaha~ wad a profound question... till now i still couldn't figure out the foolproof answer... all my past definitions on love had been proven wrong through the past 2-3 years... oh this sounds like a scientist trying to prove some hypothesis! unfortunately love... such a "philosophical" and spiritual entity cannot be defined in simply black and white.. there are so many different sides of love... the idealised version of love as shown on tv serials and movies... oh how i love those kind of love... everybody will have a happy ending... everybody will live happily ever after... but how "realistic" are these anyway... even if a couple marries happily... what happens after that? they have kids, husband gets into an affair... couple eventually gets divorced? we are only shown the happy lovey-dovey sides of love... all the pain and hurt one goes through in the process... we view it as a process... where we'll all be happy and live happily ever after after all those suffering we experienced... ok i sound like i'm preaching... this sounds like what my lecturer was saying in my elective... oh well i guess i totally agree with him in this aspect then...
the thing i can't understand is that... y is it that people are willing to sacrifice themselves and expose themselves to all the pain and hurt just for that one single moment of "happiness" or so they call... to me it's just like u spend all your credits for "purchasing" happiness in one go, and for the rest of ur life u'll be poor... in that case i'd rather not be so happy for that one moment and spread out the happiness in my life, that is if i ever have the choice... or if it's possible, maybe i can experience all the pain in one shot, then live happily for the rest of my life. that is bullshit of course. life is not that easy. -_-
i think i've reiterated that point for quite a number of times in my blog already... haha!
love is... countless nights spent waiting for a single sms from the one you kept thinking about... love is about the sleepless nights one have after a fiery quarrel... love is about the times one tries to please the other through gifts, sweet words or some romantic actions...
love is about accepting one for who he/she is... love is about commitment... love is about giving and forgiving... love is about communication...
i think the previous paragraph is enough to scare some people away... the huge words like commitment... i wonder how many people out there are actually willing and ready to commit themselves to a relationship... besides, it is easy to receive, but to give is hard... forgiving others is even harder... communication is extremely important... it is the way how u get to know one another better... but once u understand more about one.... the positive and negative traits of that person... are you able to still love him/her for who he/she is? it is easy to say that u do... but when that actually happens to you, will you be able to keep to the thing u've said?
i guess perhaps my ideas on love is simply too naive and idealistic... it is not something that will exist in real life... i once thought true love is everlasting... but then again, i guess not... perhaps... love... is like some kind of canned food... there's an expiry date... once it expires, it's no longer love... for a couple together, once beyond the expiry date, they might break up or still stay together just because they feel guilty if they suggested the breakup. then in this whole case... what is the point of coming together to start a relationship if in the very end it'll end in a breakup? of course, there are ways of extending the expiry date... and i can safely assume... not a lot of couples can achieve that...
and so to end off... i hope that all existing couples out there and those couples-to-be... to slowly discover the ways of maintaining a relationship and to treasure each other... it is not easy to find one another in such a huge world with a few billion pple of totally different personalities... let me see more happy endings and maybe, i'll change my perception on love and become slightly more optimistic... =)
cheers to pansy, huang weixiang, shingy n sundoll guy! *plus all other couples i know out there =)*
ok highly crappy and "deep" entry coming up... don't say i didn't warn you...
i realised... no matter what i do, no matter when, be it in the past present and probably in the future, i can never win in any kind of argument with guys. i can never get what i want them to do... just take for example today... my brother borrowed my laptop to do something, and moved it from its original position... when i reached home i just told him to put it back for me since he was the one who took and used it, and he should be responsible for putting it back. he ignored me and was concentrating on his game... then i tried to annoy him *ok maybe i asked for it myself*... i tried to poke him at the "soft" spot for most pple... then he reacted by grabbing my hand with force, rubbing my middle finger's joint against the chair... and the result? now my finger joint is swollen... big blue black there... and it hurts like siao... i play volleyball oso wun hurt that much despite all the blue blacks when i first started playing... sighz... and he didn't even say sorry or anything... not that i wanted him to apologise or anything... it just hurts... how guys always ignore what girls have to say just because they think u're not important and stuff...
just like one year ago.
i remember now... everything kept flowing back... the nights when my tears used to help me wash my face... how i tried to talk to someone who kept ignoring me... even a year later, though it is no longer of any importance, the questions still linger in my mind... coming back into picture every now and then... why did this happen? if you didn't mean it, then why did u do so? i guess up till now i still cannot let go...
haha~ nowadays... loads of my friends are attatched all of a sudden! super duper happy for them! pple like my fellow girlfriend shingy... sundoll guy... *his kanojo is my friend's elder sis!!! the world is so so small!* haha dunno y i share their joy in finding their other half! or maybe it's their joy that's spreading to me...
yet... when it comes to myself, i feel nothing. nothing to look forward to anyway. it is nice to have someone u can talk to in depth... someone u know u can trust... someone who will be there when u need him/her... but somehow it doesn't seem likely that it'll happen to me. not that i'm desperately looking for one either.. haha! to a certain extent i think i sound like yuchun! lolx~
what is love? hahaha~ wad a profound question... till now i still couldn't figure out the foolproof answer... all my past definitions on love had been proven wrong through the past 2-3 years... oh this sounds like a scientist trying to prove some hypothesis! unfortunately love... such a "philosophical" and spiritual entity cannot be defined in simply black and white.. there are so many different sides of love... the idealised version of love as shown on tv serials and movies... oh how i love those kind of love... everybody will have a happy ending... everybody will live happily ever after... but how "realistic" are these anyway... even if a couple marries happily... what happens after that? they have kids, husband gets into an affair... couple eventually gets divorced? we are only shown the happy lovey-dovey sides of love... all the pain and hurt one goes through in the process... we view it as a process... where we'll all be happy and live happily ever after after all those suffering we experienced... ok i sound like i'm preaching... this sounds like what my lecturer was saying in my elective... oh well i guess i totally agree with him in this aspect then...
the thing i can't understand is that... y is it that people are willing to sacrifice themselves and expose themselves to all the pain and hurt just for that one single moment of "happiness" or so they call... to me it's just like u spend all your credits for "purchasing" happiness in one go, and for the rest of ur life u'll be poor... in that case i'd rather not be so happy for that one moment and spread out the happiness in my life, that is if i ever have the choice... or if it's possible, maybe i can experience all the pain in one shot, then live happily for the rest of my life. that is bullshit of course. life is not that easy. -_-
i think i've reiterated that point for quite a number of times in my blog already... haha!
love is... countless nights spent waiting for a single sms from the one you kept thinking about... love is about the sleepless nights one have after a fiery quarrel... love is about the times one tries to please the other through gifts, sweet words or some romantic actions...
love is about accepting one for who he/she is... love is about commitment... love is about giving and forgiving... love is about communication...
i think the previous paragraph is enough to scare some people away... the huge words like commitment... i wonder how many people out there are actually willing and ready to commit themselves to a relationship... besides, it is easy to receive, but to give is hard... forgiving others is even harder... communication is extremely important... it is the way how u get to know one another better... but once u understand more about one.... the positive and negative traits of that person... are you able to still love him/her for who he/she is? it is easy to say that u do... but when that actually happens to you, will you be able to keep to the thing u've said?
i guess perhaps my ideas on love is simply too naive and idealistic... it is not something that will exist in real life... i once thought true love is everlasting... but then again, i guess not... perhaps... love... is like some kind of canned food... there's an expiry date... once it expires, it's no longer love... for a couple together, once beyond the expiry date, they might break up or still stay together just because they feel guilty if they suggested the breakup. then in this whole case... what is the point of coming together to start a relationship if in the very end it'll end in a breakup? of course, there are ways of extending the expiry date... and i can safely assume... not a lot of couples can achieve that...
and so to end off... i hope that all existing couples out there and those couples-to-be... to slowly discover the ways of maintaining a relationship and to treasure each other... it is not easy to find one another in such a huge world with a few billion pple of totally different personalities... let me see more happy endings and maybe, i'll change my perception on love and become slightly more optimistic... =)
cheers to pansy, huang weixiang, shingy n sundoll guy! *plus all other couples i know out there =)*
07 March 2006
02 March 2006
life sux... and my actions are not making life much better...
sometimes, i wish i was the old me... the withdrawn, slightly introverted, more modest me... and to be someone more sensitive. i hate the times when the things popping out of my mouth these days puts other people down indirectly. what has gotten into me? where did the modesty go to?
other times, i just wish i wasn't me at all. so that i didn't have to know of how others would have felt because i felt the same way in the past. and this becomes unbearable for me to do the things that had once happened to me. but i wonder if it'll hurt others more in the future...
i wish life is simpler... but obviously, life is not as simple as what you think.
i guess even the sundoll keychain charm wouldn't work now...
on a side note, chuangyi manga sale at bookfest 2006 is coming soon! i'm going to save up a little bit of money to get more manga!!! muahahaa.... ok that's one thing to look forward to... despite all the upcoming exams in almost a month's time... which i haven't started revising yet! omg i sound like a nerdy freak... lolx~ and i've signed up for volleyball twice a week starting next week, plus i've gotta find time to play ffx! ahh!!! god pls give me more time! *though the motivations behind this is utterly morally questionable... lolx~*
i wanna eat japanese buffet! a few days ago... i had a dream of a delicious spread of japanese food in front of me... and just before i was going to "test" the food... i woke up. -_- oh man! i really wished i didn't have to wake up then... =( oh well... hope that my "dream" will turn into reality soon...
and i wanna go japan soon! just asked sundoll guy(cos his car got this cute sundoll... lolx! same as my sundoll keychain...) for his opinion on where to go in japan... then he suggest that should go in june... cos then we can see sakura blooming! but weixiang says december... haiz... winter... should be quite cold... =S but i don't mind the snow... since i've never seen real snow in my whole life before! oh man i think i sound super swaku...
first things first though, will be to go manga fest! next would be to start studying for the semester exams... and also to try and complete the ps2 game at the same time... must improve my jap! sighz... i'll have a super long way to go, i guess... =S
and yes, sorry that i have sorta broken my "promise" to post something of substance... as most of u guys can observe, my posts are getting crappier n crappier... =X oh well hang in there! it's coming soon! lolz... *if there's anyone reading my blog, that is... =(*
sometimes, i wish i was the old me... the withdrawn, slightly introverted, more modest me... and to be someone more sensitive. i hate the times when the things popping out of my mouth these days puts other people down indirectly. what has gotten into me? where did the modesty go to?
other times, i just wish i wasn't me at all. so that i didn't have to know of how others would have felt because i felt the same way in the past. and this becomes unbearable for me to do the things that had once happened to me. but i wonder if it'll hurt others more in the future...
i wish life is simpler... but obviously, life is not as simple as what you think.
i guess even the sundoll keychain charm wouldn't work now...
on a side note, chuangyi manga sale at bookfest 2006 is coming soon! i'm going to save up a little bit of money to get more manga!!! muahahaa.... ok that's one thing to look forward to... despite all the upcoming exams in almost a month's time... which i haven't started revising yet! omg i sound like a nerdy freak... lolx~ and i've signed up for volleyball twice a week starting next week, plus i've gotta find time to play ffx! ahh!!! god pls give me more time! *though the motivations behind this is utterly morally questionable... lolx~*
i wanna eat japanese buffet! a few days ago... i had a dream of a delicious spread of japanese food in front of me... and just before i was going to "test" the food... i woke up. -_- oh man! i really wished i didn't have to wake up then... =( oh well... hope that my "dream" will turn into reality soon...
and i wanna go japan soon! just asked sundoll guy(cos his car got this cute sundoll... lolx! same as my sundoll keychain...) for his opinion on where to go in japan... then he suggest that should go in june... cos then we can see sakura blooming! but weixiang says december... haiz... winter... should be quite cold... =S but i don't mind the snow... since i've never seen real snow in my whole life before! oh man i think i sound super swaku...
first things first though, will be to go manga fest! next would be to start studying for the semester exams... and also to try and complete the ps2 game at the same time... must improve my jap! sighz... i'll have a super long way to go, i guess... =S
and yes, sorry that i have sorta broken my "promise" to post something of substance... as most of u guys can observe, my posts are getting crappier n crappier... =X oh well hang in there! it's coming soon! lolz... *if there's anyone reading my blog, that is... =(*
23 February 2006
i had been reading through my old opendiary entries... because they were on the verge of being deleted... lolz~ i laughed at the language i used last time... how i used to exclaim over things like my 2.4 run... and how i used to "idolise" junkai... *not to say i dun idolise him now... hehex* memories... happy memories when i was still active in co... when i was struggling with handing up tutorials in jc... my struggles with chem... and not forgetting mr rudy lee... lolz~
and of course, not forgetting those entries full of sorrow... just because i could not let go of some things in life... history repeats itself, only to worsen the problem. if only i had been able to forget easily, things would not have reached such a state...
on a side note, i'm supposed to be sitting in macs now doing my lab report... omg i have already spent 2 days on it and it's still not finished! wth am i doing man... -_- i wish i have a little more time, i wish my sore throat will go away... so that i can go for the 2-7 ktv tml wif wx n sc! god! pls drop some wonder medicine for it to cure my running nose and restore my voice! *starts murmuring some strange incantation*....
oh well.... plz! weiqing pls respond to my msn n sms! we can't go macs to do our project!!! argh. stupid me ranting here where he wun even hear or see... -_-''' sighz... i guess i'm just procrastinating once again...
someday i'll post something of better substance here k? it's a promise... lolz~
and of course, not forgetting those entries full of sorrow... just because i could not let go of some things in life... history repeats itself, only to worsen the problem. if only i had been able to forget easily, things would not have reached such a state...
on a side note, i'm supposed to be sitting in macs now doing my lab report... omg i have already spent 2 days on it and it's still not finished! wth am i doing man... -_- i wish i have a little more time, i wish my sore throat will go away... so that i can go for the 2-7 ktv tml wif wx n sc! god! pls drop some wonder medicine for it to cure my running nose and restore my voice! *starts murmuring some strange incantation*....
oh well.... plz! weiqing pls respond to my msn n sms! we can't go macs to do our project!!! argh. stupid me ranting here where he wun even hear or see... -_-''' sighz... i guess i'm just procrastinating once again...
someday i'll post something of better substance here k? it's a promise... lolz~
15 February 2006
11 February 2006
i'm tireds... i napped half of my afternoon away but still i am tireds...
and there's a lot of things to be done... like to study for quantum physics quiz on mon, jap quiz on thurs... and i am here procrastinating...
there should be no time left to be thinking about strange things... like the stupid horror point-click-game which i challenged my tutorial mates to playing yesterday at around 3+am in the morning... in the end me and shing yeong were the only ones scared outta our wits, while yong quan was making funny commentary... shian chi and nicolas like not scared at all -_-
sighz...
yesterday i wrecked havoc after volleyball training... haha i felt so lousy among those pple there... their spike was so qiang! and when playing the game, they like know how to hit to those pple, form strategies and stuff...
makes me think about a lot of things... like the really graceful movements of volleyball players... i wish i could be half as graceful...
after that, went for supper wif shian chi shing yeong yong quan nicolas... then stayed over at sc's room again... LOL... i can become their legal squatter liao... talked to sc... then bathed and went to yq and nicolas' room to play mahjong... *and i was the crazy za boh who suggested it... -_-'''* then scared myself by challenging them to play the scary game.. -_-''' and then later when everybody buay tahan go back room to zZz i was the only one who couldn't go to sleep... -_-'''
sighz...
i hope i wasn't disturbing anyone last night... or these times... memories go hay-wire at times of stress and when u're tireds...
no need to put on all those pretence... it wouldn't make me feel better... it shouldn't even matter by now... i knew it in the bottom of my heart right at the beginning...
yet somehow, i'm going through everything once again... relieving those moments once again... moments of happiness and bliss, yet, moments of tears and sorrow...
it shouldn't be as painful for u by now... in fact it shouldn't bother you... or so i hope...
time to move on, stop pretending you're sad... cos you aren't.
i'm not sad. neither should u.
i wish i am like a toilet bowl... so that i can flush all the crap in my life into the drain...
and there's a lot of things to be done... like to study for quantum physics quiz on mon, jap quiz on thurs... and i am here procrastinating...
there should be no time left to be thinking about strange things... like the stupid horror point-click-game which i challenged my tutorial mates to playing yesterday at around 3+am in the morning... in the end me and shing yeong were the only ones scared outta our wits, while yong quan was making funny commentary... shian chi and nicolas like not scared at all -_-
sighz...
yesterday i wrecked havoc after volleyball training... haha i felt so lousy among those pple there... their spike was so qiang! and when playing the game, they like know how to hit to those pple, form strategies and stuff...
makes me think about a lot of things... like the really graceful movements of volleyball players... i wish i could be half as graceful...
after that, went for supper wif shian chi shing yeong yong quan nicolas... then stayed over at sc's room again... LOL... i can become their legal squatter liao... talked to sc... then bathed and went to yq and nicolas' room to play mahjong... *and i was the crazy za boh who suggested it... -_-'''* then scared myself by challenging them to play the scary game.. -_-''' and then later when everybody buay tahan go back room to zZz i was the only one who couldn't go to sleep... -_-'''
sighz...
i hope i wasn't disturbing anyone last night... or these times... memories go hay-wire at times of stress and when u're tireds...
no need to put on all those pretence... it wouldn't make me feel better... it shouldn't even matter by now... i knew it in the bottom of my heart right at the beginning...
yet somehow, i'm going through everything once again... relieving those moments once again... moments of happiness and bliss, yet, moments of tears and sorrow...
it shouldn't be as painful for u by now... in fact it shouldn't bother you... or so i hope...
time to move on, stop pretending you're sad... cos you aren't.
i'm not sad. neither should u.
i wish i am like a toilet bowl... so that i can flush all the crap in my life into the drain...
10 February 2006
i miss co...
i miss the times i could "interact" with my erhu and enjoy the music created by the whole group...
i miss hearing the different sounds coming from all the different instruments...
i miss discussing which kind of song xiang is better and the differences between shanghai gong and beijing gong *omg i almost forgot the names of these things!*
i miss the times i could play volleyball with a big group of people who enjoys the game as i do...
i miss the times when i mug with those who wanted to achieve better results like i did...
i miss the times playing, relaxing, wrecking havoc and not caring about how others look at you...
i miss my self motivation to work hard...
i miss my bed... i miss my rest...
i miss slacking half a day away just in front of the computer, watching anime or what nots...
i miss the times when i didn't have to rush through things...
i miss the times when i could finish my tutorials on time...
i wish things didn't have to be so complicated...
i wish i wasn't so complicated...
i wish there were no exams...
i wish that things in life were easier...
but of course, reality likes to play devil's advocate.
today... or rather, these 2 days was rather hectic for me... yesterday after lab i went to stay over at shianchi's room... supposed to mug.. ended up talking to pansy half the time... from 4+ to 9pm i did like less than 1 tutorial? lolz~ love counselling as angela and yvonne puts it... lol...
we both came to the conclusion that love brings one happiness, but in exchange for that one moment of happiness u'll have to suffer 10 million times of sorrow... which was quite furnies for pansy to agree with me... but oh well i guess the two of us were being super pessimistic then...
then continued mugging... finished 1.5 maths tutorials *they were darn hard i tell u -_- had to refer to solutions most of the time* before i realised it's around 2am in the morning and i need to sleep...
turns out, i couldn't sleep peacefully at all... no idea why... probably because i wasn't used to the mattress or the fans n stuff... then in the end i woke up super early, went to the lt and slept through all 3 of my lectures -_-... even had to bring in tea for maths quiz which i stupidly forgot to study yesterday... -_- but heng anyhow whack oso get answer... lolz~ muz thank kee sing for lending me his notes during physics lecture sia... LOL... and thank god for "protecting" me for this quiz... wahahaha~
next up... tml i'm supposed to have finished computing tutorial, plus jap homework, plus study 90 jap vocab to prepare for the jap quiz next week... and...
i got a ride home from weilun whom i only got to know today! i think it's the car syndrome... last time when ching gave me a ride i was so excited to sit on his car... today was no exception... -_-''' wth is wrong with me? it's only a damn car... my dad has a car too? -_-
anyway it's quite hilarious... weilun and his friend... one bike one car... originally the bike infront of the car, then all of a sudden the bike made a turn into one of the smaller roads, then weilun driving the car decided to ignore his friend's crazy move *cos dunno his friend turn to where* and then went off, while his friend smiled cheekly behind weilun's car.... -_-''' and the sun doll on his car is so cute! LOL... juz cos i had the same sun doll keychain as he has -_- wth... qy qy stop eyeing other pple's accessories lar -_-
and we saw a rainbow on our way home... it's so surprising... come to think of it it's been a long time since i saw a rainbow... reminds me of the song "somewhere over the rainbow"... but of course thing's aren't as easy as the song puts it... so get back to reality...
god! i need more time and more rest!
i miss the times i could "interact" with my erhu and enjoy the music created by the whole group...
i miss hearing the different sounds coming from all the different instruments...
i miss discussing which kind of song xiang is better and the differences between shanghai gong and beijing gong *omg i almost forgot the names of these things!*
i miss the times i could play volleyball with a big group of people who enjoys the game as i do...
i miss the times when i mug with those who wanted to achieve better results like i did...
i miss the times playing, relaxing, wrecking havoc and not caring about how others look at you...
i miss my self motivation to work hard...
i miss my bed... i miss my rest...
i miss slacking half a day away just in front of the computer, watching anime or what nots...
i miss the times when i didn't have to rush through things...
i miss the times when i could finish my tutorials on time...
i wish things didn't have to be so complicated...
i wish i wasn't so complicated...
i wish there were no exams...
i wish that things in life were easier...
but of course, reality likes to play devil's advocate.
today... or rather, these 2 days was rather hectic for me... yesterday after lab i went to stay over at shianchi's room... supposed to mug.. ended up talking to pansy half the time... from 4+ to 9pm i did like less than 1 tutorial? lolz~ love counselling as angela and yvonne puts it... lol...
we both came to the conclusion that love brings one happiness, but in exchange for that one moment of happiness u'll have to suffer 10 million times of sorrow... which was quite furnies for pansy to agree with me... but oh well i guess the two of us were being super pessimistic then...
then continued mugging... finished 1.5 maths tutorials *they were darn hard i tell u -_- had to refer to solutions most of the time* before i realised it's around 2am in the morning and i need to sleep...
turns out, i couldn't sleep peacefully at all... no idea why... probably because i wasn't used to the mattress or the fans n stuff... then in the end i woke up super early, went to the lt and slept through all 3 of my lectures -_-... even had to bring in tea for maths quiz which i stupidly forgot to study yesterday... -_- but heng anyhow whack oso get answer... lolz~ muz thank kee sing for lending me his notes during physics lecture sia... LOL... and thank god for "protecting" me for this quiz... wahahaha~
next up... tml i'm supposed to have finished computing tutorial, plus jap homework, plus study 90 jap vocab to prepare for the jap quiz next week... and...
i got a ride home from weilun whom i only got to know today! i think it's the car syndrome... last time when ching gave me a ride i was so excited to sit on his car... today was no exception... -_-''' wth is wrong with me? it's only a damn car... my dad has a car too? -_-
anyway it's quite hilarious... weilun and his friend... one bike one car... originally the bike infront of the car, then all of a sudden the bike made a turn into one of the smaller roads, then weilun driving the car decided to ignore his friend's crazy move *cos dunno his friend turn to where* and then went off, while his friend smiled cheekly behind weilun's car.... -_-''' and the sun doll on his car is so cute! LOL... juz cos i had the same sun doll keychain as he has -_- wth... qy qy stop eyeing other pple's accessories lar -_-
and we saw a rainbow on our way home... it's so surprising... come to think of it it's been a long time since i saw a rainbow... reminds me of the song "somewhere over the rainbow"... but of course thing's aren't as easy as the song puts it... so get back to reality...
god! i need more time and more rest!
03 February 2006
14th feb coming soon... let there be love in the air...
yes! 14th of feburary is just around the corner... so, let there be love in the air *around this entry, i mean...*
speaking about this, a lot of things were running through my mind for the past few weeks... months maybe... so many things i wanted to talk about, like how incredibly busy i am until my friends like pansy complain she always cannot find me *wahaha...* yeah, so sorry, no time for love as well...
but here i am talking about love... let's see... just wanted to post two songs on this entry today... a song which i used to love when i was in secondary school... and another that was playing on the radio quite frequently these days...
Once Upon A December
Dancing bears,
Painted wings,
Things I almost remember,
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December.
Someone holds me safe and warm.
Horses prance through a silver storm.
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory...
Far away, long ago,
Glowing dim as an ember,
Things my heart
Used to know,
Things it yearns to remember...
And a song
Someone sings
Once upon a December
that december
is when everything started
and three months
of joy and tears
that night sealed our fate
and our hearts as well
been thinking about the forgotten memory lost in my mind for quite a while... at first it was indifference, then a tinge of happiness, then heartache. i wonder how much more it would last.
the memory i was searching for was not the memory of loving someone, but the memory of being in love with love... the sweet aspects of love, the lovey dovey sweet honey feeling, the one that makes u feel warm inside; the comforting hugs from those who cared; the happiness when someone u like is nice and sweet towards u; the joy knowing that someone accepts u for who u are as a person, an individual, a soul.
yet i actually forgot the bitterness in this candy that tricks innocent n foolish humans from getting themselves hurt over and over again. the endless nights spent crying over spilt milk; over people whom u thought they cared but apparently otherwise; the sourness when seeing someone u have a crush on was closer n nicer to someone else; the cruel words n actions the one u cared most did to u.
people are willing to suffer years of such pain for just one moment of that sweet tenderness from the one they cared.
and i think, why they are so foolish.
and i see those people around me, guys who try to flirt with girls whom they barely know in search of "love". i don't know whether to laugh at their attempts or to applaud them for their... open-ness of being so daring to accept those whose personality was not totally known to them. or perhaps, it's my view of "love" being different from theirs. perhaps i was looking for pure love so pure that it is non-existant in this reality.
and i don't know whether to laugh or not when my girlfriend shian chi tells me that her relatives were so willing to introduce her any guy along the street just because she is still single and available. my stand on love still holds -- 真爱是值得期待的。
but i guess it would never reach my turn to be in love again.
and so, i've thought of the perfect gift for myself on valentine's day... hehex... it shall be... a ring for my left hand... symbolising independence for women of this society... XD my nunnery rawks... XD
and now onto the second song...
我会好好的
王心凌
我会好好的
花还香香的
时间一直去
回忆真美丽
我是想着你
一直想着你
你在我心底
变成了秘密
不要说你爱我 你想我
如果你的心里没有这么做
只是勉强的敷衍我
我知道了会很难受
我要你默默走 不回头
我会清楚明白你要的是什么
无须勉强的安慰我
说奇怪的理由
到现在还是深深的 深深的 爱着你
是爱情的友情的都可以
那是我心中的幸福
我知道它苦苦的
要给你远方的祝福
我知道它苦苦的
我发现，我到现在还是深深的爱着你。
不过你放心，我不会给你添任何麻烦，
我只想要从远处望着你，看着你幸福。
and now... an update on my... boring and busy life... cny! first day of cny i fell sick and couldn't eat as much as i wanted... spent the rest of my new year sleeping away, playing game, and occassionally went out to 拜年... but in the end only 4 红包... 2 from my parents 2 from my grandparents... on wed went to see doctor, not for my flu or cough, but for my ingrown nail... had a mini surgery which scared the hell outta me... cos... had to take a jab that was super painful to numb my swollen toe... -_- and now my big toe is all bandaged like some balaku... *dunno how to spell lar... -_-* and i'm totally lagging in tutorials, the holidays were of no help to me in catching up on academic stuff...
upcoming, tml is tuition day, sunday is tuition day, monday school until 7... jap lesson again... makes me stress cos i think i'm not lagging in the homework but the things that we learnt each lesson... each lesson now leaves me more and more blur... cos my mind cannot remember the things that was taught during each lesson... and no time to revise every time after the lesson. tuesday is volleyball day XD... until 9pm... wed is lab day... slack day... then mug homework time... thurs is jap day again, fri is makeup day wif jap and volleyball again... sighz... sat is tuition day again, sun is tuition day again... and the cycle repeats itself...
ok i think that's enough to bore readers off... so tata~ and hope everyone out there had gotten loads of income from this festival... =)
i need rest and a nice tan...
speaking about this, a lot of things were running through my mind for the past few weeks... months maybe... so many things i wanted to talk about, like how incredibly busy i am until my friends like pansy complain she always cannot find me *wahaha...* yeah, so sorry, no time for love as well...
but here i am talking about love... let's see... just wanted to post two songs on this entry today... a song which i used to love when i was in secondary school... and another that was playing on the radio quite frequently these days...
Once Upon A December
Dancing bears,
Painted wings,
Things I almost remember,
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December.
Someone holds me safe and warm.
Horses prance through a silver storm.
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory...
Far away, long ago,
Glowing dim as an ember,
Things my heart
Used to know,
Things it yearns to remember...
And a song
Someone sings
Once upon a December
that december
is when everything started
and three months
of joy and tears
that night sealed our fate
and our hearts as well
been thinking about the forgotten memory lost in my mind for quite a while... at first it was indifference, then a tinge of happiness, then heartache. i wonder how much more it would last.
the memory i was searching for was not the memory of loving someone, but the memory of being in love with love... the sweet aspects of love, the lovey dovey sweet honey feeling, the one that makes u feel warm inside; the comforting hugs from those who cared; the happiness when someone u like is nice and sweet towards u; the joy knowing that someone accepts u for who u are as a person, an individual, a soul.
yet i actually forgot the bitterness in this candy that tricks innocent n foolish humans from getting themselves hurt over and over again. the endless nights spent crying over spilt milk; over people whom u thought they cared but apparently otherwise; the sourness when seeing someone u have a crush on was closer n nicer to someone else; the cruel words n actions the one u cared most did to u.
people are willing to suffer years of such pain for just one moment of that sweet tenderness from the one they cared.
and i think, why they are so foolish.
and i see those people around me, guys who try to flirt with girls whom they barely know in search of "love". i don't know whether to laugh at their attempts or to applaud them for their... open-ness of being so daring to accept those whose personality was not totally known to them. or perhaps, it's my view of "love" being different from theirs. perhaps i was looking for pure love so pure that it is non-existant in this reality.
and i don't know whether to laugh or not when my girlfriend shian chi tells me that her relatives were so willing to introduce her any guy along the street just because she is still single and available. my stand on love still holds -- 真爱是值得期待的。
but i guess it would never reach my turn to be in love again.
and so, i've thought of the perfect gift for myself on valentine's day... hehex... it shall be... a ring for my left hand... symbolising independence for women of this society... XD my nunnery rawks... XD
and now onto the second song...
我会好好的
王心凌
我会好好的
花还香香的
时间一直去
回忆真美丽
我是想着你
一直想着你
你在我心底
变成了秘密
不要说你爱我 你想我
如果你的心里没有这么做
只是勉强的敷衍我
我知道了会很难受
我要你默默走 不回头
我会清楚明白你要的是什么
无须勉强的安慰我
说奇怪的理由
到现在还是深深的 深深的 爱着你
是爱情的友情的都可以
那是我心中的幸福
我知道它苦苦的
要给你远方的祝福
我知道它苦苦的
我发现，我到现在还是深深的爱着你。
不过你放心，我不会给你添任何麻烦，
我只想要从远处望着你，看着你幸福。
and now... an update on my... boring and busy life... cny! first day of cny i fell sick and couldn't eat as much as i wanted... spent the rest of my new year sleeping away, playing game, and occassionally went out to 拜年... but in the end only 4 红包... 2 from my parents 2 from my grandparents... on wed went to see doctor, not for my flu or cough, but for my ingrown nail... had a mini surgery which scared the hell outta me... cos... had to take a jab that was super painful to numb my swollen toe... -_- and now my big toe is all bandaged like some balaku... *dunno how to spell lar... -_-* and i'm totally lagging in tutorials, the holidays were of no help to me in catching up on academic stuff...
upcoming, tml is tuition day, sunday is tuition day, monday school until 7... jap lesson again... makes me stress cos i think i'm not lagging in the homework but the things that we learnt each lesson... each lesson now leaves me more and more blur... cos my mind cannot remember the things that was taught during each lesson... and no time to revise every time after the lesson. tuesday is volleyball day XD... until 9pm... wed is lab day... slack day... then mug homework time... thurs is jap day again, fri is makeup day wif jap and volleyball again... sighz... sat is tuition day again, sun is tuition day again... and the cycle repeats itself...
ok i think that's enough to bore readers off... so tata~ and hope everyone out there had gotten loads of income from this festival... =)
i need rest and a nice tan...
24 January 2006
it's been a long time since i last posted something here on this blog... so many things i wanna talk about since the previous entry... but i guess i'm running out of time...
i've been thinking of relocating my blog several times... juz that... i particularly like this ip LOL... no lar... juz that... maybe there's no point relocating my blog when the whole point of having a blog online is so that some pple can view ur thoughts... and if i really wanted it to be that personal i'll write on a diary... which then reminded me about loads of things which i dun really wanna think about now...
juz lesser than a month into the new year... and i've already broken quite a few resolutions... for eg, my 50 by may... -_-''' my tutorial mates edwin jong chien nicolas kept complaining that i'm eating macdonalds everyday *which is true to a certain extent =X* and so... yeap i think that resolution i made... i probably can't keep it by may LOL! and... sadly to say... i already broke my second resolution not to be late again.... like... on the first week of jan i overslept and was late for a class outing for half an hour! *not that everybody was there by the time i reached... lolz~* still it didn't feel good that i broke my resolution so easily and so quickly... -_-
update on my school life... i'm so busy until i don't even have enuff time to do homework, go out, have fun, and to sleep! most of my school days end at 7++ and the rest of the days i don't end so late i've got tuition... and my sunday is fully booked as well... which left me wif sat to catch up on sleep n tutorials... that's seriously not enuff! by the time i reach home everyday i'm so tired until i can't even think properly... and the dreaded thing is the coming cny holidays! cos of the stupid holidays my schedule is even more packed after the hols for makeup lessons... which made my sat booked as well! haiz... this is the first time i rather not have holidays...
and that brings me to another thing... when i'm tired i start to see things which are no longer there.... i don't know how i'm supposed to feel but these memories kept popping up now and then... though i'm crystal clear that it's all over... strangely i don't feel that sad, neither do i try to suppress these memories and not acknowledge them as i would have done in the past... rather, i let them come and pass... as though i'm indifferent to it already... i wonder what this means...
yet wif such a busy schedule i'm not complaining about it... neither do i wish that i could drop some of my modules so that i have more time... it's contradicting...
i feel like i'm bombarded with a lot of things these days... like my module which allows me to watch some old and good movies... and the things the people i meet... i've come to realise a lot of things... but i'm still sticking to my old philosophy about people... u can never trust people.
some things i wanna do.... would be... to have more sleep... to get rid of that stupid mosquito preying on my blood now... to try curb my hunger... to watch movies like memoirs of the geisha... have time to finish my tutorials on time... practise my jap... to go out n shop.... and to eat some bagua... haiz~
i've been thinking of relocating my blog several times... juz that... i particularly like this ip LOL... no lar... juz that... maybe there's no point relocating my blog when the whole point of having a blog online is so that some pple can view ur thoughts... and if i really wanted it to be that personal i'll write on a diary... which then reminded me about loads of things which i dun really wanna think about now...
juz lesser than a month into the new year... and i've already broken quite a few resolutions... for eg, my 50 by may... -_-''' my tutorial mates edwin jong chien nicolas kept complaining that i'm eating macdonalds everyday *which is true to a certain extent =X* and so... yeap i think that resolution i made... i probably can't keep it by may LOL! and... sadly to say... i already broke my second resolution not to be late again.... like... on the first week of jan i overslept and was late for a class outing for half an hour! *not that everybody was there by the time i reached... lolz~* still it didn't feel good that i broke my resolution so easily and so quickly... -_-
update on my school life... i'm so busy until i don't even have enuff time to do homework, go out, have fun, and to sleep! most of my school days end at 7++ and the rest of the days i don't end so late i've got tuition... and my sunday is fully booked as well... which left me wif sat to catch up on sleep n tutorials... that's seriously not enuff! by the time i reach home everyday i'm so tired until i can't even think properly... and the dreaded thing is the coming cny holidays! cos of the stupid holidays my schedule is even more packed after the hols for makeup lessons... which made my sat booked as well! haiz... this is the first time i rather not have holidays...
and that brings me to another thing... when i'm tired i start to see things which are no longer there.... i don't know how i'm supposed to feel but these memories kept popping up now and then... though i'm crystal clear that it's all over... strangely i don't feel that sad, neither do i try to suppress these memories and not acknowledge them as i would have done in the past... rather, i let them come and pass... as though i'm indifferent to it already... i wonder what this means...
yet wif such a busy schedule i'm not complaining about it... neither do i wish that i could drop some of my modules so that i have more time... it's contradicting...
i feel like i'm bombarded with a lot of things these days... like my module which allows me to watch some old and good movies... and the things the people i meet... i've come to realise a lot of things... but i'm still sticking to my old philosophy about people... u can never trust people.
some things i wanna do.... would be... to have more sleep... to get rid of that stupid mosquito preying on my blood now... to try curb my hunger... to watch movies like memoirs of the geisha... have time to finish my tutorials on time... practise my jap... to go out n shop.... and to eat some bagua... haiz~
07 January 2006
late in the middle of the night again. i wonder y i'm still awake at this hour despite being so tireds like.. 5 hours ago? i remembered i totally konk out on the bus on my way home from orchard... actually i had no idea y i was there, i wasn't even eager to go shopping at all wif sc, pansy xiaoli n yixin... but in the end i went... i wonder y... probably cos i was trying to fit in... and in the end i realised that... nah, no point... if u dun u never will. some things cannot be forced.
arr... yes, back to the middle of the night... i ponder about things happening around me... apparently i've caught the homework/schooling blues... only 4th day of school reopening and i'm already starting to feel down. stress perhaps? like jap course... 1st week got lesson liao, next lesson on mon the sensei is going to give us a dictation/spelling test already -_- geez i really can't stop my pace at all, to even slack the slightest bit. and this is only week 1, where i only have lectures no tutorials... i can't imagine the upcoming weeks... perhaps this is the real school reopening blues...
once again i'm reminded of fruits basket. though i've stopped reading that manga for a long time, certain themes running through the series now is starting to appear in my real life... of course lar wad am i talking, these plots n themes are written based on real life scenarios, of course will happen to pple in real life... =_= but somehow i never thought i would have to face it again -_- oh well, life is like a sine curve... things like to go up and down... like a roller coaster =)
i've stopped thinking that much since i entered jc, especially hcjc... strange isn't it. it was a foolish attempt to stop myself from feeling all kinds of emotions... like nostalgic... sadness... making myself confused cos i can't reach a conclusion... things like that... and so i stopped thinking about a lot of things in my life which i should have paid attention to. like how i treat people around me, what are my core values, which are the things i should define as boundaries... and how to judge when my core values n morals clash, which one should be in higher priority. somehow all these sounds like some alogarithm to solve some problem in computing. -_- i think i'm studying so much until i 走火入魔... lolz~
so yeap, tonite i'm back to thinking about who i had been before i entered jc... i wasn't so easily depressed before... i remembered myself as someone more cheerful, someone who thought of logic over emotions... that's almost a direct contrast to me now... this brings to mind my conversation wif the girls at "dinner" today... the way u clasp both of ur hands together shows whether u're more emotional or more of a logic person... if u clasp ur left hand over ur right hand and find it most comfortable as compared to the other way round, u're more emotional, and vice versa... and i happened to be the "emotional" type... so who is the true me now? i guess if i ask this question to anyone along the streets no one can give u a definite answer that will remain unchanged as times pass by. we probably can't even find the answer when we step into our graves... that's life, it's a journey where we search for answers to our questions...
other things include, whether some of the decisions i made are the "best" for situation... taking a situation from the drama i watched yesterday, female A and female B both loved male A who died in a car crash, and female B was the third party with male A's child in her stomach... female A was upset that male A had another woman outside, but before male A died from the accident, he told her to take care of female B n the baby... and female B happened to be in need of money and hence threatened male A's mum and female A that she'll abort the baby unless they give her a huge sum of money... male A's mum then proceed to attempt to borrow $$$ from female A *but of course who'll be stupid to help her love rival?* so female A called up her friend for advice... friend says, dun give female B money, she'll come back for more... but female A thought abt male A's dying wish and in the end gave female B money and even let the homeless female B move into her house so that she can take care of female B n bring female B to pre natal checks *cos female A's a doctor* and of course female B took advantage of female A's kindness... and the rest of the plot... i dunno yet... lolz~
so... the solution female A took in the end... it's not the "best" solution in my opinion, cos of course B will take advantage of her soft-heartedness... but if u chose not to give her money, and she really went to abort the baby, then how? although in the show, B didn't really want to abort the baby... but in real life, in other similar situations... the outcomes of these two possible solutions are totally different... are u able to handle the individual outcomes? when u made one decision, u think about what if u had done something else? would it make things better?
then again, someone questioned me... if u make a decision cos u don't want anything to happen in the future... that's being unfair cos u're not even sure whether that thing will happen in the future. my argument to that would be... it's better to prevent... though at the cost of the current outcome... but in the long run it would probably be better... so it then boils down to whether u want the current situation to be better over than in the long run or not. so, if u're placed in that situation, what would u prefer? to have pain in the present and be happy in the future? or be happy now and suffer later?
and... sometimes u simply feel helpless as u cannot help others... as the 9pm drama from today says... "if u don't open up, no one can help u"... so... even as friends who care, if u insist u dun wanna open up no one can force open ur heart n to help u... -_-
oh yes... yu chun if u saw this post before i contact u... i'm sorry... i need a favour from u... there's something i need to sort out... lolz~
that's all for now... brain coming to stand still... cannot think... geez... =X
arr... yes, back to the middle of the night... i ponder about things happening around me... apparently i've caught the homework/schooling blues... only 4th day of school reopening and i'm already starting to feel down. stress perhaps? like jap course... 1st week got lesson liao, next lesson on mon the sensei is going to give us a dictation/spelling test already -_- geez i really can't stop my pace at all, to even slack the slightest bit. and this is only week 1, where i only have lectures no tutorials... i can't imagine the upcoming weeks... perhaps this is the real school reopening blues...
once again i'm reminded of fruits basket. though i've stopped reading that manga for a long time, certain themes running through the series now is starting to appear in my real life... of course lar wad am i talking, these plots n themes are written based on real life scenarios, of course will happen to pple in real life... =_= but somehow i never thought i would have to face it again -_- oh well, life is like a sine curve... things like to go up and down... like a roller coaster =)
i've stopped thinking that much since i entered jc, especially hcjc... strange isn't it. it was a foolish attempt to stop myself from feeling all kinds of emotions... like nostalgic... sadness... making myself confused cos i can't reach a conclusion... things like that... and so i stopped thinking about a lot of things in my life which i should have paid attention to. like how i treat people around me, what are my core values, which are the things i should define as boundaries... and how to judge when my core values n morals clash, which one should be in higher priority. somehow all these sounds like some alogarithm to solve some problem in computing. -_- i think i'm studying so much until i 走火入魔... lolz~
so yeap, tonite i'm back to thinking about who i had been before i entered jc... i wasn't so easily depressed before... i remembered myself as someone more cheerful, someone who thought of logic over emotions... that's almost a direct contrast to me now... this brings to mind my conversation wif the girls at "dinner" today... the way u clasp both of ur hands together shows whether u're more emotional or more of a logic person... if u clasp ur left hand over ur right hand and find it most comfortable as compared to the other way round, u're more emotional, and vice versa... and i happened to be the "emotional" type... so who is the true me now? i guess if i ask this question to anyone along the streets no one can give u a definite answer that will remain unchanged as times pass by. we probably can't even find the answer when we step into our graves... that's life, it's a journey where we search for answers to our questions...
other things include, whether some of the decisions i made are the "best" for situation... taking a situation from the drama i watched yesterday, female A and female B both loved male A who died in a car crash, and female B was the third party with male A's child in her stomach... female A was upset that male A had another woman outside, but before male A died from the accident, he told her to take care of female B n the baby... and female B happened to be in need of money and hence threatened male A's mum and female A that she'll abort the baby unless they give her a huge sum of money... male A's mum then proceed to attempt to borrow $$$ from female A *but of course who'll be stupid to help her love rival?* so female A called up her friend for advice... friend says, dun give female B money, she'll come back for more... but female A thought abt male A's dying wish and in the end gave female B money and even let the homeless female B move into her house so that she can take care of female B n bring female B to pre natal checks *cos female A's a doctor* and of course female B took advantage of female A's kindness... and the rest of the plot... i dunno yet... lolz~
so... the solution female A took in the end... it's not the "best" solution in my opinion, cos of course B will take advantage of her soft-heartedness... but if u chose not to give her money, and she really went to abort the baby, then how? although in the show, B didn't really want to abort the baby... but in real life, in other similar situations... the outcomes of these two possible solutions are totally different... are u able to handle the individual outcomes? when u made one decision, u think about what if u had done something else? would it make things better?
then again, someone questioned me... if u make a decision cos u don't want anything to happen in the future... that's being unfair cos u're not even sure whether that thing will happen in the future. my argument to that would be... it's better to prevent... though at the cost of the current outcome... but in the long run it would probably be better... so it then boils down to whether u want the current situation to be better over than in the long run or not. so, if u're placed in that situation, what would u prefer? to have pain in the present and be happy in the future? or be happy now and suffer later?
and... sometimes u simply feel helpless as u cannot help others... as the 9pm drama from today says... "if u don't open up, no one can help u"... so... even as friends who care, if u insist u dun wanna open up no one can force open ur heart n to help u... -_-
oh yes... yu chun if u saw this post before i contact u... i'm sorry... i need a favour from u... there's something i need to sort out... lolz~
that's all for now... brain coming to stand still... cannot think... geez... =X
06 January 2006
it's a happy day for me! after such a long wait i finally finalised my time table and finally officially started my first jap elective lesson! i felt super excited n happy... hehex~ first time attend jap class... the teacher is nice... then lucky nicolas same class as me... initially i tot i couldn't get my elective... next i got it... then nicolas tot he din get and later he got it too! haha such a happy day, in my sister's terms...
yeah i felt happy this whole afternoon, until i got home. and somehow that euphoria simply faded away. ok spare me my english... language isn't really my cup of tea... somehow now late at night juz feeling a little... down? not exactly down as in depressed, just that... who the heck am i? what am i doing now?
yeah i know i'm studying for my degree, i'm sitting in front of my laptop trying to type some of my thoughts which i can't even figure out wad i'm thinking... perhaps i'm tireds... tml lesson at 930am... last two days had lesson at 830 and i seriously buay tahan... imagine.. this week only lectures no tutorials... i can't imagine the upcoming weeks... and stupid me went to take 2 electives? wth was i thinking this afternoon... and i had this sudden boost in confidence that i can handle 2 electives... now come to think of it that's stupid and dangerous... who knows whether it'll pull down my grades in the end -_-
and... maybe i am too... results conscious? it feels weirds... when everybody else comes and ask u abt ur results and u truthfully tell them ur grades and they start saying things like... godlike... wickedly sick... stuff like that... i know they're joking... but somehow it feels weirds to be a little different from them... sometimes i had this strange thought that maybe i should lie abt my grades just to fit in... somehow i feel they are ard me cos of my grades and i'll help them wif their work... besides that, in school i'm a totally practical n bimboistic girl who will seize all available time to mug tutorials even in the first week of lesson... which is deemed as a study freak. ok i'm freakish bah... sighz... i guess i'm getting more and more incoherent... =X
i guess it's juz cos i'm starting to feel tireds... so much for thinking late into the night...
and yes! i think i haven't played dota in a long time! today tried playing a random hero and i ended up being the feeder in the team... feel so paiseh =X maybe i should train more before i play wif outside pros... randy muz faster come back n train wif me! lolz~
that's all for tonites... shall get some sleep before i cannot wake up tml morning for school.. =X
*on a side note, had a pleasant chat wif pansy n sheila juz now... had a hilarious conversation! and pansy u watch out. i'm going to get the lame queen of the week from u next week. just u wait. :P*
yeah i felt happy this whole afternoon, until i got home. and somehow that euphoria simply faded away. ok spare me my english... language isn't really my cup of tea... somehow now late at night juz feeling a little... down? not exactly down as in depressed, just that... who the heck am i? what am i doing now?
yeah i know i'm studying for my degree, i'm sitting in front of my laptop trying to type some of my thoughts which i can't even figure out wad i'm thinking... perhaps i'm tireds... tml lesson at 930am... last two days had lesson at 830 and i seriously buay tahan... imagine.. this week only lectures no tutorials... i can't imagine the upcoming weeks... and stupid me went to take 2 electives? wth was i thinking this afternoon... and i had this sudden boost in confidence that i can handle 2 electives... now come to think of it that's stupid and dangerous... who knows whether it'll pull down my grades in the end -_-
and... maybe i am too... results conscious? it feels weirds... when everybody else comes and ask u abt ur results and u truthfully tell them ur grades and they start saying things like... godlike... wickedly sick... stuff like that... i know they're joking... but somehow it feels weirds to be a little different from them... sometimes i had this strange thought that maybe i should lie abt my grades just to fit in... somehow i feel they are ard me cos of my grades and i'll help them wif their work... besides that, in school i'm a totally practical n bimboistic girl who will seize all available time to mug tutorials even in the first week of lesson... which is deemed as a study freak. ok i'm freakish bah... sighz... i guess i'm getting more and more incoherent... =X
i guess it's juz cos i'm starting to feel tireds... so much for thinking late into the night...
and yes! i think i haven't played dota in a long time! today tried playing a random hero and i ended up being the feeder in the team... feel so paiseh =X maybe i should train more before i play wif outside pros... randy muz faster come back n train wif me! lolz~
that's all for tonites... shall get some sleep before i cannot wake up tml morning for school.. =X
*on a side note, had a pleasant chat wif pansy n sheila juz now... had a hilarious conversation! and pansy u watch out. i'm going to get the lame queen of the week from u next week. just u wait. :P*
01 January 2006
new year resolutions....
2006 is here! drats... 1 year older... school reopening soon... i need more time... =S
on the other hand... i'm going out to eat steamboat wif my family laters.. hehehex... shall skip lunch now and eat loads of prawns... sotongs... seafood laters =)
now... as promised on the previous entry... my new year resolutions...
1. NOT to be late again!
erms.. i know i made this resolution last year... erms... i did keep to it... but... only for the 1st quarter of the year... muahahahaha!!! so... i'm making this resolution again... for the whole of the upcoming year =) pls pls pls dun let me be late for lessons n exams n for outings... =S
2. to be 50 by... erms... end of the year...
i made this resolution like... 3 years ago... then keep dragging dragging dragging up till now i'm still... erms... slightly above 50... LOL... i mean... my weight, not my age. -_-
3. to do well in my studies...
i know pple are going to throw rotten tomatoes at me *erms... like.. yuchun* i'm quite upset that i din get a+ for all subs... so muz work harder... plus this upcoming sem got computing *which i know nuts abt* jap *i sux at languages* chem *which i sux even more* and so... jialats... haiz... muz work hard... plz... god, deities.. wadeva... lemme score well in the upcoming exams!
4. to help my tuition kids to achieve the best possible results...
i'm kinda worried for my sec2 kid now *hey last year sec 1 now sec 2 le* streaming year.. and today her compo was like... -_- no organisation no grammer wad de -_-''' hope that my j2 kid now will get a for her fmaths exam at the end of this year! =) praying for u guys here =)
5. for my family to safe n healthy n happy =)
erms.. dun need elaboration le ba?
6. WORLD PEACE!!!
er... -_-'''
7. for everybody to be happy =)
my friends... those pple i've met... wishes go to them =) ok lar this is not a resolution lar... but put here for fun? lolz~
8. for me to be happy =)
hehex that sounds selfish so i left it at the end hehex~
9. for me to get over it totally.
10. for me to stay out of trouble.
er... i tot this would be a long entry... but surprisingly it's so short and concise *with loads of crap lar haha~* oh well... maybe cos i'm hungry and in a hurry to find some tidbits to munch on so that i wun get gastric before my big feast laters... oh u see? wad happened to my 2nd resolution??? geez...
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY! XD
on the other hand... i'm going out to eat steamboat wif my family laters.. hehehex... shall skip lunch now and eat loads of prawns... sotongs... seafood laters =)
now... as promised on the previous entry... my new year resolutions...
1. NOT to be late again!
erms.. i know i made this resolution last year... erms... i did keep to it... but... only for the 1st quarter of the year... muahahahaha!!! so... i'm making this resolution again... for the whole of the upcoming year =) pls pls pls dun let me be late for lessons n exams n for outings... =S
2. to be 50 by... erms... end of the year...
i made this resolution like... 3 years ago... then keep dragging dragging dragging up till now i'm still... erms... slightly above 50... LOL... i mean... my weight, not my age. -_-
3. to do well in my studies...
i know pple are going to throw rotten tomatoes at me *erms... like.. yuchun* i'm quite upset that i din get a+ for all subs... so muz work harder... plus this upcoming sem got computing *which i know nuts abt* jap *i sux at languages* chem *which i sux even more* and so... jialats... haiz... muz work hard... plz... god, deities.. wadeva... lemme score well in the upcoming exams!
4. to help my tuition kids to achieve the best possible results...
i'm kinda worried for my sec2 kid now *hey last year sec 1 now sec 2 le* streaming year.. and today her compo was like... -_- no organisation no grammer wad de -_-''' hope that my j2 kid now will get a for her fmaths exam at the end of this year! =) praying for u guys here =)
5. for my family to safe n healthy n happy =)
erms.. dun need elaboration le ba?
6. WORLD PEACE!!!
er... -_-'''
7. for everybody to be happy =)
my friends... those pple i've met... wishes go to them =) ok lar this is not a resolution lar... but put here for fun? lolz~
8. for me to be happy =)
hehex that sounds selfish so i left it at the end hehex~
9. for me to get over it totally.
10. for me to stay out of trouble.
er... i tot this would be a long entry... but surprisingly it's so short and concise *with loads of crap lar haha~* oh well... maybe cos i'm hungry and in a hurry to find some tidbits to munch on so that i wun get gastric before my big feast laters... oh u see? wad happened to my 2nd resolution??? geez...
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY! XD
28 December 2005
new year coming!
yeap i know it's still kinda early.... but 1 january 2006 is approaching (kinda sux cos holidays ending soon too) so... it's time to reflect on the past year!
it had been a really tough year and i really wonder how i got through it... but now as i reflect, i no longer feel the pain and how torturous the year was... *probably cos now i'm sipping water and slacking in front of my lappie...*
first time stepping into the work force... though i was only working as part time, and so probably every thing had been toned down... i learnt alot of things... like how to answer phone calls, how to make phone calls *erms... as in the professional sense... i remember last time my parents ask me to call pizza hut for delivery i oso dun dare wahahaha!!!* erms.. filing is... maybe i learnt how to do it more efficiently? lolz~ basically i had been doing admin jobs... realised sales is not really for me, i can't really tahan standing for 10 hours straight... lolz~ learnt that it's quite hard to be professional some times... ie, be able to differentiate and separate feelings from doing your job...
first time earning money... the feeling is good but.. not that fulfilling as well... studying is better than working, but working brings u money? haha~ spending your hard earned money feels good... i mean... splurging on food *yummy yum... XD* and clothes and bags and accessories... now i understand y pple could be so obsessed with earning more cash... but i oso realised when working... that once u start working, and work so hard, until u have no time to stop and rest properly... i only started going out on shopping trips when i stopped working, and during my holidays, and when i'm studying... so it's not too good to work that hard but not use ur money either... i remember when i was working i think i got kinda depressed by work *no thanks to a certain boss who's such a bad example to his co-workers* and so i tried to forge all kinds of excuse to take leave even when i'm only doing part time. i can't imagine myself when i step into the workforce next time... -_-
and yes! tuition! my first tuition was this p4 kid, benedict, who i think some will be familiar with... from my entries this year... about the sentences he make for zao ju... lolz! but too bad his mum gave me the boot... i really dislike his mum... even up till now i cannot forget how she asked her son to tell me that she sacked me... i rather she tell me herself. so much for being sincere and stuff... plus i don't get courtesy from her such as getting a cup of water for tuitioning her kid. -_- and her kid is so daring to lock his tuition teacher out of his house while he takes his comfortable nap for so long. i feel his parents pamper him too much. ok lar, not that i'm a good tuition teacher or what, i oso dun feel like teaching him cos he's hard to teach and i feel i can't really help him... parents these days are just paranoid... he's only p4, and his grades are fairly good... still wanna hire tuition teacher? omg -_-
next student is koh yu... my fav j1 fmaths student... =) though she's so far from my house... and i sometimes malu myself cos i dunno how to do the questions she ask, but i feel that at least i'm helping her improve her grades... and just yesterday i managed to help her understand how to do forces questions! it feels fulfilling to know that she understands what i'm trying to convey... and we can chat with one another about what happened to us... where we went out to... some of the furnie things that happened to us.. =) so yeap! let's work hard next year and whack the fmaths paper for a lvls! XD and thanks for ur christmas card! *though i din give u any... =X*
last but not least, my quiet sec1 kid... sae qin... she's really too quiet until i think i'm preaching to a wall... ok lar at least she nods and stuff... she's smart but she's careless... and cos she's so quiet i don't really know whether she understands what i'm telling her and stuff... she's a little.. erms.. lazy lar... so kinda worried about what i can do for her next year to improve her grades... and she wanna take science in sec 3... so i guess we cannot slack at all for sec 2 streaming... jiayouz!
then... studies... first time stepping into uni... first time my school life is so slack until i'm too slack... i mean... my time table is so spaced out.. we only spend like 18 hours for lessons per week in school... that's way too slack as compared to my jc school time table! and we get to arrange our own time table... everything has to be done by ourselves... we are no longer "spoonfed" with the things we need to do... like to apply for scholarship we need to take our own initiative and stuff... *but looking at the lazy me i'm too lazy to find out the details and stuff so i let the scholarships slip from my fingers... thinking back that's so stupid of me*
and i realised that in uni the classmates u have is only for short term -- we change classmates every half a year... meaning no one actually bothers to forge strong friendships with you... pple just make use of each other, and when u're of no use to him/her they just forget abt u totally... so up till now i don't understand y my previous collegues kept telling me how their uni lives is one of the most fun times in their lives... -_- and how u can find your other half in uni... to me it's like.. bullshit... unless u're living in hall or taking some hiong cca... but for me it's non applicable... for now. =)
and my results for this year... i feel i could have done better... i feel i probably have been too slack... and next sem wouldn't be easy... computing! *omg* and jap! XD and chem! *once again cos i forgot to check my mail to ask to be exempted.. by the time i did that it was 1 week after the deadline.. damn* shet wad's happening to me?! i deserve to be slapped and stuff... -_-
and then... it's relationships...
my relationships with my family has improved... due to alot of reasons... like... now i spend more time at home... like how my father was heng to have survived the car accident unscathed... like how i realised that ur family loves u more than other pple could do... but of course the person who loves u most is yourself. so now i go out with my sis more than i go out with my friends... ironic isn't it... last time i don't even care about going out with my sis or to show concern about her results and stuff... cos i know she doesn't need me to be concerned... somehow it's different now... i guess i've changed alot... and my stupid brother... 1 head taller than me -_- irritating person... play game from the moment he opens his eyes till the moment he close his eyes to sleep every day. -_- then always complain about me dling stuff... say i hog the bandwidth when it's him. hmph. and my mum... lolz! sometimes she drives me nuts... say some things about me which made me really pissed off *like how she compares me to xiaxue that -_-... saying that we're the same. omg. plz. my ethics and hers are totally off... argh come to think of it i'm pissed off again.* but then she does some really furnies stuff oso... like she's having a vcd frenzy now.. buy so many vcds then sit down there watch vcd and order us to paint the house. -_- ok that's not furnies. lolz~ but i wonder when she'll ever finish watching all the vcds she bought.... LOL... and then my dad... i realised that whenever the car has a problem, it's always me n my dad that's present... like the accident... he was going to fetch me to tuition when it happened.. scared the hell outta me... then the tire burst... i was also on my way to toa payoh for tuition.... wth. then we helped one another and stuff... kinda weirds bah... i don't talk that much with him but the bond is there... and then he likes to stay up late till 3am in the morning to finish his work... then wake up at 6am laters to go to work... haiz... not good for health sia... see all the white hair on ur head... rest more lar! work so hard for wad. wait for me to earn money lar... -_-
and then... with friends... i feel i'm becoming closer to my fellow ntu mates... like pansy... we're closer than before... i still remember first time in ny we weren't that close in the first place... go jc closer... now even closer... weirds right? last time jc we see each other everyday... talk everyday... now we don't talk everyday... but the bond's even stronger than before? i guess our relationship matured alot bah... u don't need to be beside one another everyday every moment but u know they are there for u when u need them... =) and of course we gossip more shop more have more fun than in jc... she likes to call me up every now and then to go ktv... go shop... and go suntan! lolz! and there's shian chi, yin yin who i always disturb them in their hall... always go find them when i have long break to study wif them... haha~ then shian chi always like to cook her own meals with her neat little rice cooker *which was forbidden in the halls... LOL* all the fun stuff we did... =) and her toiletmates angela and... shet i forgot her name. -_- but i remember her face... haha now i remember her name... yvonne i think... =) they're so nice to me.... thankx peeps.. =) i don't know how else to express my gratitude and stuff... =) and xiaoli... recently we went to watch movie n suntan together... though we dun usually talk alot but somehow i feel closer to her now... =)
and my tutorial mates in school... though i don't know how far our friendships can last... but.. still happy to know u guys.... weiqing who always like to stay up late *dunno how he survive the next day in school.. but then again he always pon! LOL~* nicolas who likes to wear orange shirts... XD *and he dun wanna show me his wardrobe cos scared his wardrobe will be gone the next moment* and nicolas' roomie yong quan, fellow girlfriends xiao xuan, lixuan, shing yeong and poh lin... though for girls we aren't that close now probably cos of hols... and yes xiaoxuan probably don't know but i spotted her yesterday at kino with weeling *my p school classmate*... too bad i'm in a hurry or i'd say hi to u guys... lolz! and yes, bing hui... ah bing de bing gan cang zai bing gan he li... -_- though the time we spend together is short but hey thanks for being there and i had fun wif ur! =)
and... to someone out there... our relationship had been going downhill since the start of the year... perhaps we aren't meant to be together in the first place... perhaps i shouldn't have met u... but... thanks... wishing u all the best... i've loved u, hated u, cursed u, cried over u, but thanks to u i've learnt alot... i think i've finally began to step out of the hole u left me... and i know that i still love u. but probably in a different sense. so do take care and don't repeat ur mistakes again... and i'll not repeat the same mistake again too.
to another person out there... who used to be my confidate too... i'm sorry things had to turn out this way. we'll drift further apart, that's to protect the both of us. if we continue things that had been previously, it'll be far worse than now. i'm not hoping that u'll understand, i wanna let u know i'm not as good as u know me. i'm someone who's indifferent to others now. so... forget about me.
and yeap, i think that's about all... more things to reflect on... but now... i'm hungry... wahaha... maybe this is something i should reflect on too... on eating too much.. LOL... so tata for now~ shall be back soon with new year resolutions! =)
it had been a really tough year and i really wonder how i got through it... but now as i reflect, i no longer feel the pain and how torturous the year was... *probably cos now i'm sipping water and slacking in front of my lappie...*
first time stepping into the work force... though i was only working as part time, and so probably every thing had been toned down... i learnt alot of things... like how to answer phone calls, how to make phone calls *erms... as in the professional sense... i remember last time my parents ask me to call pizza hut for delivery i oso dun dare wahahaha!!!* erms.. filing is... maybe i learnt how to do it more efficiently? lolz~ basically i had been doing admin jobs... realised sales is not really for me, i can't really tahan standing for 10 hours straight... lolz~ learnt that it's quite hard to be professional some times... ie, be able to differentiate and separate feelings from doing your job...
first time earning money... the feeling is good but.. not that fulfilling as well... studying is better than working, but working brings u money? haha~ spending your hard earned money feels good... i mean... splurging on food *yummy yum... XD* and clothes and bags and accessories... now i understand y pple could be so obsessed with earning more cash... but i oso realised when working... that once u start working, and work so hard, until u have no time to stop and rest properly... i only started going out on shopping trips when i stopped working, and during my holidays, and when i'm studying... so it's not too good to work that hard but not use ur money either... i remember when i was working i think i got kinda depressed by work *no thanks to a certain boss who's such a bad example to his co-workers* and so i tried to forge all kinds of excuse to take leave even when i'm only doing part time. i can't imagine myself when i step into the workforce next time... -_-
and yes! tuition! my first tuition was this p4 kid, benedict, who i think some will be familiar with... from my entries this year... about the sentences he make for zao ju... lolz! but too bad his mum gave me the boot... i really dislike his mum... even up till now i cannot forget how she asked her son to tell me that she sacked me... i rather she tell me herself. so much for being sincere and stuff... plus i don't get courtesy from her such as getting a cup of water for tuitioning her kid. -_- and her kid is so daring to lock his tuition teacher out of his house while he takes his comfortable nap for so long. i feel his parents pamper him too much. ok lar, not that i'm a good tuition teacher or what, i oso dun feel like teaching him cos he's hard to teach and i feel i can't really help him... parents these days are just paranoid... he's only p4, and his grades are fairly good... still wanna hire tuition teacher? omg -_-
next student is koh yu... my fav j1 fmaths student... =) though she's so far from my house... and i sometimes malu myself cos i dunno how to do the questions she ask, but i feel that at least i'm helping her improve her grades... and just yesterday i managed to help her understand how to do forces questions! it feels fulfilling to know that she understands what i'm trying to convey... and we can chat with one another about what happened to us... where we went out to... some of the furnie things that happened to us.. =) so yeap! let's work hard next year and whack the fmaths paper for a lvls! XD and thanks for ur christmas card! *though i din give u any... =X*
last but not least, my quiet sec1 kid... sae qin... she's really too quiet until i think i'm preaching to a wall... ok lar at least she nods and stuff... she's smart but she's careless... and cos she's so quiet i don't really know whether she understands what i'm telling her and stuff... she's a little.. erms.. lazy lar... so kinda worried about what i can do for her next year to improve her grades... and she wanna take science in sec 3... so i guess we cannot slack at all for sec 2 streaming... jiayouz!
then... studies... first time stepping into uni... first time my school life is so slack until i'm too slack... i mean... my time table is so spaced out.. we only spend like 18 hours for lessons per week in school... that's way too slack as compared to my jc school time table! and we get to arrange our own time table... everything has to be done by ourselves... we are no longer "spoonfed" with the things we need to do... like to apply for scholarship we need to take our own initiative and stuff... *but looking at the lazy me i'm too lazy to find out the details and stuff so i let the scholarships slip from my fingers... thinking back that's so stupid of me*
and i realised that in uni the classmates u have is only for short term -- we change classmates every half a year... meaning no one actually bothers to forge strong friendships with you... pple just make use of each other, and when u're of no use to him/her they just forget abt u totally... so up till now i don't understand y my previous collegues kept telling me how their uni lives is one of the most fun times in their lives... -_- and how u can find your other half in uni... to me it's like.. bullshit... unless u're living in hall or taking some hiong cca... but for me it's non applicable... for now. =)
and my results for this year... i feel i could have done better... i feel i probably have been too slack... and next sem wouldn't be easy... computing! *omg* and jap! XD and chem! *once again cos i forgot to check my mail to ask to be exempted.. by the time i did that it was 1 week after the deadline.. damn* shet wad's happening to me?! i deserve to be slapped and stuff... -_-
and then... it's relationships...
my relationships with my family has improved... due to alot of reasons... like... now i spend more time at home... like how my father was heng to have survived the car accident unscathed... like how i realised that ur family loves u more than other pple could do... but of course the person who loves u most is yourself. so now i go out with my sis more than i go out with my friends... ironic isn't it... last time i don't even care about going out with my sis or to show concern about her results and stuff... cos i know she doesn't need me to be concerned... somehow it's different now... i guess i've changed alot... and my stupid brother... 1 head taller than me -_- irritating person... play game from the moment he opens his eyes till the moment he close his eyes to sleep every day. -_- then always complain about me dling stuff... say i hog the bandwidth when it's him. hmph. and my mum... lolz! sometimes she drives me nuts... say some things about me which made me really pissed off *like how she compares me to xiaxue that -_-... saying that we're the same. omg. plz. my ethics and hers are totally off... argh come to think of it i'm pissed off again.* but then she does some really furnies stuff oso... like she's having a vcd frenzy now.. buy so many vcds then sit down there watch vcd and order us to paint the house. -_- ok that's not furnies. lolz~ but i wonder when she'll ever finish watching all the vcds she bought.... LOL... and then my dad... i realised that whenever the car has a problem, it's always me n my dad that's present... like the accident... he was going to fetch me to tuition when it happened.. scared the hell outta me... then the tire burst... i was also on my way to toa payoh for tuition.... wth. then we helped one another and stuff... kinda weirds bah... i don't talk that much with him but the bond is there... and then he likes to stay up late till 3am in the morning to finish his work... then wake up at 6am laters to go to work... haiz... not good for health sia... see all the white hair on ur head... rest more lar! work so hard for wad. wait for me to earn money lar... -_-
and then... with friends... i feel i'm becoming closer to my fellow ntu mates... like pansy... we're closer than before... i still remember first time in ny we weren't that close in the first place... go jc closer... now even closer... weirds right? last time jc we see each other everyday... talk everyday... now we don't talk everyday... but the bond's even stronger than before? i guess our relationship matured alot bah... u don't need to be beside one another everyday every moment but u know they are there for u when u need them... =) and of course we gossip more shop more have more fun than in jc... she likes to call me up every now and then to go ktv... go shop... and go suntan! lolz! and there's shian chi, yin yin who i always disturb them in their hall... always go find them when i have long break to study wif them... haha~ then shian chi always like to cook her own meals with her neat little rice cooker *which was forbidden in the halls... LOL* all the fun stuff we did... =) and her toiletmates angela and... shet i forgot her name. -_- but i remember her face... haha now i remember her name... yvonne i think... =) they're so nice to me.... thankx peeps.. =) i don't know how else to express my gratitude and stuff... =) and xiaoli... recently we went to watch movie n suntan together... though we dun usually talk alot but somehow i feel closer to her now... =)
and my tutorial mates in school... though i don't know how far our friendships can last... but.. still happy to know u guys.... weiqing who always like to stay up late *dunno how he survive the next day in school.. but then again he always pon! LOL~* nicolas who likes to wear orange shirts... XD *and he dun wanna show me his wardrobe cos scared his wardrobe will be gone the next moment* and nicolas' roomie yong quan, fellow girlfriends xiao xuan, lixuan, shing yeong and poh lin... though for girls we aren't that close now probably cos of hols... and yes xiaoxuan probably don't know but i spotted her yesterday at kino with weeling *my p school classmate*... too bad i'm in a hurry or i'd say hi to u guys... lolz! and yes, bing hui... ah bing de bing gan cang zai bing gan he li... -_- though the time we spend together is short but hey thanks for being there and i had fun wif ur! =)
and... to someone out there... our relationship had been going downhill since the start of the year... perhaps we aren't meant to be together in the first place... perhaps i shouldn't have met u... but... thanks... wishing u all the best... i've loved u, hated u, cursed u, cried over u, but thanks to u i've learnt alot... i think i've finally began to step out of the hole u left me... and i know that i still love u. but probably in a different sense. so do take care and don't repeat ur mistakes again... and i'll not repeat the same mistake again too.
to another person out there... who used to be my confidate too... i'm sorry things had to turn out this way. we'll drift further apart, that's to protect the both of us. if we continue things that had been previously, it'll be far worse than now. i'm not hoping that u'll understand, i wanna let u know i'm not as good as u know me. i'm someone who's indifferent to others now. so... forget about me.
and yeap, i think that's about all... more things to reflect on... but now... i'm hungry... wahaha... maybe this is something i should reflect on too... on eating too much.. LOL... so tata for now~ shall be back soon with new year resolutions! =)
22 December 2005
hahahaha i've been tagged by wendy! (dunno whether good or nots hehex) so... ahems... according to the rules of the game as posted on her blog which are as follows...
Rules of the game:
1. Post 5 weird/random stuff about yourself.
2. At the end, list the names of 5 people whom you want next to do this, and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED!" in their blog and tell them to read your blog for rules.
ahems... oh well usually i dun like to do this... but i think i'm bored outta my mind.. so here it goes... hope u guys wun b bored by me... =)
1. i used to like the smell of paint... until pple kept thinking i'm some kind of drug addict... like sniffing glue n stuff... oh yah, some glue smells nice too... like uhu glue... opps~ aniwae... after painting my house for like... almost a week... i declare that... the smell of paint now gives me a headache.. and i swear that the paint smells of ammonia to me now... =S
2. i LOVE orange!!! XD
3. some of the most embarrassing things in my life took place in ACJC... oh well... that randy will probably harp on it... like how i swam in the swimming pool for our first test in front of half of my whole cohort.. and i swam in circles... in the end the life guard had to jump down to save me... and he happened to be a guy! and the female lifeguard who's my friend happened to "din see me drowning"... -_- so malu... other examples... aiyah dun wan to say... shy lar... =X
4. hmmms... 2 more weird/random things about me ar... let's talk abt my dream... strangely... i don't really have a dream to say... it's not like studying to become an engineer like my dad is my dream... i think it's more like the easy way out for me... if there's things that i wanna do in the future... maybe it'll be to open a comics rental shop... for poor pple like me now to read comics at super low rates (though i think the shop in the end will close down cos of economic problems haha) other things would be like... maybe to adopt a kid or something (since i can't imagine myself getting married... intend to stay single for as long as i can... maybe until i step into my grave XD) cos kids are cute... but of course... they can be terribly annoying... haha... shall think more abt this... and oh yes! i wanna have a big house (start singing sun yanzi's wan mei de yi tian) and the walls are all orange... with big windows... preferably a quiet surroundings n stuff... oh well i'm typing too much here...
5. oh the last one! spare me the pain!!! no lar jokings~ hmmms... it's... lobster day no more! i'm peeling now... but i feel i'm not quite dark enuff.. maybe should go sun tanning again... and it's christmas soon... i wanna get presents for my family but i dunno wad to get.. haiz...
ok that's all for now, kids... (no lar jokings~) hmms... the pple i wanna tag on their blogs are... 1. my sis, 2. yuchun(paiseh i know u no time but juz for the fun of it =) and to help u destress hehex~) 3. wei jie? haha~ 4. oh man all of a sudden i realise most of the friends i'm close to dun have blogs... =X eh can i stop here? haha... erms ok i wan my sis to do this... 5. ok i wan yuchun to do this...
omg i can't believe i'm so dumb -_-... alright maybe it's cos it's 1am in the morning now.. and shet i've got tuition tml! muz sleep early tonites!!! (ok it's super early now -_-) hehex.. nitey nitez peeps =)
Rules of the game:
1. Post 5 weird/random stuff about yourself.
2. At the end, list the names of 5 people whom you want next to do this, and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED!" in their blog and tell them to read your blog for rules.
ahems... oh well usually i dun like to do this... but i think i'm bored outta my mind.. so here it goes... hope u guys wun b bored by me... =)
1. i used to like the smell of paint... until pple kept thinking i'm some kind of drug addict... like sniffing glue n stuff... oh yah, some glue smells nice too... like uhu glue... opps~ aniwae... after painting my house for like... almost a week... i declare that... the smell of paint now gives me a headache.. and i swear that the paint smells of ammonia to me now... =S
2. i LOVE orange!!! XD
3. some of the most embarrassing things in my life took place in ACJC... oh well... that randy will probably harp on it... like how i swam in the swimming pool for our first test in front of half of my whole cohort.. and i swam in circles... in the end the life guard had to jump down to save me... and he happened to be a guy! and the female lifeguard who's my friend happened to "din see me drowning"... -_- so malu... other examples... aiyah dun wan to say... shy lar... =X
4. hmmms... 2 more weird/random things about me ar... let's talk abt my dream... strangely... i don't really have a dream to say... it's not like studying to become an engineer like my dad is my dream... i think it's more like the easy way out for me... if there's things that i wanna do in the future... maybe it'll be to open a comics rental shop... for poor pple like me now to read comics at super low rates (though i think the shop in the end will close down cos of economic problems haha) other things would be like... maybe to adopt a kid or something (since i can't imagine myself getting married... intend to stay single for as long as i can... maybe until i step into my grave XD) cos kids are cute... but of course... they can be terribly annoying... haha... shall think more abt this... and oh yes! i wanna have a big house (start singing sun yanzi's wan mei de yi tian) and the walls are all orange... with big windows... preferably a quiet surroundings n stuff... oh well i'm typing too much here...
5. oh the last one! spare me the pain!!! no lar jokings~ hmmms... it's... lobster day no more! i'm peeling now... but i feel i'm not quite dark enuff.. maybe should go sun tanning again... and it's christmas soon... i wanna get presents for my family but i dunno wad to get.. haiz...
ok that's all for now, kids... (no lar jokings~) hmms... the pple i wanna tag on their blogs are... 1. my sis, 2. yuchun(paiseh i know u no time but juz for the fun of it =) and to help u destress hehex~) 3. wei jie? haha~ 4. oh man all of a sudden i realise most of the friends i'm close to dun have blogs... =X eh can i stop here? haha... erms ok i wan my sis to do this... 5. ok i wan yuchun to do this...
omg i can't believe i'm so dumb -_-... alright maybe it's cos it's 1am in the morning now.. and shet i've got tuition tml! muz sleep early tonites!!! (ok it's super early now -_-) hehex.. nitey nitez peeps =)
15 December 2005
lobster day!
现在我总算明白爱一个人与被爱的差别。爱一个人算是一种责任--当你决定要爱一个人时，你就想要让他快乐，潜意识中那就是你对你爱的人的责任。但当一个人 被爱的时候，他人对自己的“责任”却可以装做什么都不懂，完全不理会。这样一来，爱一个人是痛苦的，被爱才是幸福。但是如果每个人都选择被爱，那么谁来爱 人的“傻瓜”呢？除非被爱的人开始喜欢上爱他的人，否则要让他明白爱一个人的痛，说必定比登天还难。
所以说呢，爱吗，是个麻烦的字眼。如果有选择，就不要把痛苦往身上扛。做和尚/尼姑还是最好的。 XD
that was total bullshit above. kindly ignore. =)
today is lobster day!!! me n my sis went sun tanning... it wasn't a really nice business early in the morning... first, originally i wanted me my sis n my frienz to sun tan together but my sis shy and insist that we MUZ catch the 良辰 to sun tan... meaning we MUZ reach the beach by 10 in the morning... -_- and u guyz know the piggie me always like to sleep late wake up late... so i couldn't wake up today morning... then my mum had to make all sorts of comments about my dressing... so to please her i changed my outfit, then rushed to pack my bag... forgot to bring drinks... then me n my sis got pissed with one another... she's upset cos we only got out of the house at 930 which was half an hour later than what we originally planned, and i was upset cos i had to wake up early to accomadate to her "weird need of catching the 良辰"... lolz~
then we reached the sunny beach... XD both of us eventually cooled down on our way to palawan beach... and we started spreading our mat to sun tan... only to realise that the mat we brought.. had only enuff space for... ONE person! omg. i tot the mat could allow 2 pple to lie on it. -_-''' so the two of us SQUEEZED on that 1 single mat (my sis commented that the other couples along the beach were doing the same thing, we can do it too except we're both females)
and then she said, we'll only sun tan for 1 hour.. cos she scared we'll both get sunburn which den defeats the purpose of our sun-tanning trip... which i went HAR??? are u mad? only 1 hour and u expect urself to get darker???
so we lay on our mat like 2 dead fish soaking the sun's harmful UV rays in an attempt to become 2 beautifully roasted fish. then we got bored and peered through our towels （that's used to cover our face to prevent it from getting sunburnt) and looked at the other girls along the beach... there was this girl who has such a nice skin colour and was wearing an ORANGE bikini!!! woah~ hot~~~ no lar i was only envious of the bikini.. nth else ok? lolz~
anyway... after we started sun-tanning, we realised that 1 hour... we only flipped 3 times... meaning we tanned our front twice, back once... which can never be even... so we continued lying there obstructing other pple's view of the sea for another half an hour... while my sis was complaining about the possibility of us getting sun burnt and i kept insisting that we are not even medium rare... in the end i gave up cos my... erms... bottom of my feet was starting to get red (instead of my back or somewhere else of my body) and so we went to bathe... where we met pansy n xiaoli (who were the pple i wanna suntan with initially) at the toilet after we finish bathing -_-'''
so we joined pansy xiaoli n shianchi at their mat... and xiaoli told me of how these bunch of desperate ns men tried to ask pansy to “做我朋友的朋友好吗？” twice... (lousy pickup line... pansy says) and by the second time xiaoli n shian chi were so fedup that they said at the same time "NO!!!"... it was damn hilarious... but considering pansy's figure... i mean.. y not? hahaha~
then me n my sis sat under the sun for another 1 hour... complaining how the sun is so hot today... and what nots... and i started getting hungry and ate a lot of potato chips.. hehex~
after that... we went to the toilet where pansy xiaoli n shianchi bathe.. and me n my sis started noticing how our skin is reddish... in the "pink" of health... we started applying aloe vera... my sis' neck was like roasted duck skin... ok lar that was a bit too exaggerated... but u get the point.. it's red. and so was my left shoulder...
then all of us left sentosa... and went to harbourfront... where me my sis xiaoli n shianchi couldn't resist the temptation of food... and we went to the food centre... xiaoli ate chao kuay tiao n me my sis n sc ate dessert... and even after that i had the craving for ice cream... so after that me my sis went harbourfront mall to shop, sc went home, xl went ps to shop, and pansy went to look for her weixiang dear dear... LOL!!! (i was trying to imitate the ns men asking her to be their friend's friend when she called weixiang... lolz~)
so we walked one round ard the shopping mall... bought ice cream... which was super delicious... yummy yum.. (i bet we gained weight after our sun tanning trip) before we finally buay tahan go home... and continue me n my sis' 奋斗 in maple story... lolz! and after our individual baths... we realised that our "damage" from the sun tanning trip was... really bad. we really got sun burnt... it's quite painful now... hahaha... but super fun... hehex... and we promised we'll go sun tanning again soon.... LOL *see? some pple juz don't learn =)*
hehex real tireds now... hope i can wake up early tml to paint the house ORANGE... hehehehex~ =)
所以说呢，爱吗，是个麻烦的字眼。如果有选择，就不要把痛苦往身上扛。做和尚/尼姑还是最好的。 XD
that was total bullshit above. kindly ignore. =)
today is lobster day!!! me n my sis went sun tanning... it wasn't a really nice business early in the morning... first, originally i wanted me my sis n my frienz to sun tan together but my sis shy and insist that we MUZ catch the 良辰 to sun tan... meaning we MUZ reach the beach by 10 in the morning... -_- and u guyz know the piggie me always like to sleep late wake up late... so i couldn't wake up today morning... then my mum had to make all sorts of comments about my dressing... so to please her i changed my outfit, then rushed to pack my bag... forgot to bring drinks... then me n my sis got pissed with one another... she's upset cos we only got out of the house at 930 which was half an hour later than what we originally planned, and i was upset cos i had to wake up early to accomadate to her "weird need of catching the 良辰"... lolz~
then we reached the sunny beach... XD both of us eventually cooled down on our way to palawan beach... and we started spreading our mat to sun tan... only to realise that the mat we brought.. had only enuff space for... ONE person! omg. i tot the mat could allow 2 pple to lie on it. -_-''' so the two of us SQUEEZED on that 1 single mat (my sis commented that the other couples along the beach were doing the same thing, we can do it too except we're both females)
and then she said, we'll only sun tan for 1 hour.. cos she scared we'll both get sunburn which den defeats the purpose of our sun-tanning trip... which i went HAR??? are u mad? only 1 hour and u expect urself to get darker???
so we lay on our mat like 2 dead fish soaking the sun's harmful UV rays in an attempt to become 2 beautifully roasted fish. then we got bored and peered through our towels （that's used to cover our face to prevent it from getting sunburnt) and looked at the other girls along the beach... there was this girl who has such a nice skin colour and was wearing an ORANGE bikini!!! woah~ hot~~~ no lar i was only envious of the bikini.. nth else ok? lolz~
anyway... after we started sun-tanning, we realised that 1 hour... we only flipped 3 times... meaning we tanned our front twice, back once... which can never be even... so we continued lying there obstructing other pple's view of the sea for another half an hour... while my sis was complaining about the possibility of us getting sun burnt and i kept insisting that we are not even medium rare... in the end i gave up cos my... erms... bottom of my feet was starting to get red (instead of my back or somewhere else of my body) and so we went to bathe... where we met pansy n xiaoli (who were the pple i wanna suntan with initially) at the toilet after we finish bathing -_-'''
so we joined pansy xiaoli n shianchi at their mat... and xiaoli told me of how these bunch of desperate ns men tried to ask pansy to “做我朋友的朋友好吗？” twice... (lousy pickup line... pansy says) and by the second time xiaoli n shian chi were so fedup that they said at the same time "NO!!!"... it was damn hilarious... but considering pansy's figure... i mean.. y not? hahaha~
then me n my sis sat under the sun for another 1 hour... complaining how the sun is so hot today... and what nots... and i started getting hungry and ate a lot of potato chips.. hehex~
after that... we went to the toilet where pansy xiaoli n shianchi bathe.. and me n my sis started noticing how our skin is reddish... in the "pink" of health... we started applying aloe vera... my sis' neck was like roasted duck skin... ok lar that was a bit too exaggerated... but u get the point.. it's red. and so was my left shoulder...
then all of us left sentosa... and went to harbourfront... where me my sis xiaoli n shianchi couldn't resist the temptation of food... and we went to the food centre... xiaoli ate chao kuay tiao n me my sis n sc ate dessert... and even after that i had the craving for ice cream... so after that me my sis went harbourfront mall to shop, sc went home, xl went ps to shop, and pansy went to look for her weixiang dear dear... LOL!!! (i was trying to imitate the ns men asking her to be their friend's friend when she called weixiang... lolz~)
so we walked one round ard the shopping mall... bought ice cream... which was super delicious... yummy yum.. (i bet we gained weight after our sun tanning trip) before we finally buay tahan go home... and continue me n my sis' 奋斗 in maple story... lolz! and after our individual baths... we realised that our "damage" from the sun tanning trip was... really bad. we really got sun burnt... it's quite painful now... hahaha... but super fun... hehex... and we promised we'll go sun tanning again soon.... LOL *see? some pple juz don't learn =)*
hehex real tireds now... hope i can wake up early tml to paint the house ORANGE... hehehehex~ =)
10 December 2005
可惜不是你
歌手：梁静茹
i wish u were as sweet and tender as u were to other girls...
这一刻 突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天 今天同时在放映
我这句语气 原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据
差一点 骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己
努力为你改变 却变不了 预留的伏线
以为在你身边 那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天 可是昨天 已非常遥远
但闭上双眼 我还看得见
可惜不是你 陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
那一段 我们曾心贴着心
我想我更有权力关心你
可能你 已走进别人风景
多希望 也有 星光的投影
努力为你改变 却变不了 预留的伏线
以为在你身边 那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天 可是昨天 已非常遥远
但闭上双眼 我还看得见
可惜不是你 陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你 牵过我的手 还能温暖我胸口
歌手：梁静茹
i wish u were as sweet and tender as u were to other girls...
这一刻 突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天 今天同时在放映
我这句语气 原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据
差一点 骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己
努力为你改变 却变不了 预留的伏线
以为在你身边 那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天 可是昨天 已非常遥远
但闭上双眼 我还看得见
可惜不是你 陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
那一段 我们曾心贴着心
我想我更有权力关心你
可能你 已走进别人风景
多希望 也有 星光的投影
努力为你改变 却变不了 预留的伏线
以为在你身边 那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天 可是昨天 已非常遥远
但闭上双眼 我还看得见
可惜不是你 陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你 牵过我的手 还能温暖我胸口
07 December 2005
some people simply drive you mad.
and tonite i'm so frustrated until the argument kept running through my head, flipping here and there as though it's becoming some sort of fried egg... making me more and more pissed off.
some things to start off with...
in a relationship... be it friendship or what nots... it is important to have trust. when u no longer trust what others say, then there's no point in having the relationship isn't it. so when your friends try to tell you something about themselves and you don't believe them, then i guess that's too bad about it. it's either: 1. they are being untruthful, or 2. you are being overly suspicious. and of course you should always clarify with them first. it's unfair to jump to conclusions without letting the parties involved have their say in the matter. so if option 1, they are being untruthful, then good for you, you have uncovered their secret. but what if it's 2? you might end up misunderstanding your friends completely... meaning u might lose your friendship because of this little misunderstanding which u cannot solve by yourself (but might be resolved by all parties involved)
secondly, there is something which i want to clarify. sometimes people are just not in the mood for certain things at certain times... for example, for someone who had just broken up with their lover was still in mourning, and you shouldn't have the cheek to ask him/her to go out with some other people whom they don't even know for a date. especially if they are those rather conservative kind.
and sometimes, certain problems can't be solved just because you say it. it takes more than that.
and as outsiders who are not involved in certain issues, it is hard to grasp the feelings of those in the situation... as such, we should try not to impose our opinion on them because we hardly understand fully how they feel in that situation...
thirdly, there are differences between best friends between 2 pple of the opposite sex and being lovers. perhaps the best friends could have gone to a stage where the communication between them is almost similar to that of lovers, but...
1. (as suggested by randy) lovers have a lot of physical contact, best friends don't.
2. lovers call each other by their pet names... you don't really call your best friends (maybe for girl-girl best friends yes...) by some mushy nicknames.
3. you don't flirt that much with your best friend than your lover.
4. and etc etc. the list goes on.
so get these things clear. i hate to make things black and white like that, but i'm really at my wits end. and when someone tries to explain something to you, try to listen to them till the very end... and if pple who are usually calm and composed all get angry at you suddenly... there should be a good reason y that is so. so maybe you should think about what you said or did that make them so upset.
i'm ready to hear what you have to say, so be ready to hear what i have to say. your opinion may not always be the truth.
and tonite i'm so frustrated until the argument kept running through my head, flipping here and there as though it's becoming some sort of fried egg... making me more and more pissed off.
some things to start off with...
in a relationship... be it friendship or what nots... it is important to have trust. when u no longer trust what others say, then there's no point in having the relationship isn't it. so when your friends try to tell you something about themselves and you don't believe them, then i guess that's too bad about it. it's either: 1. they are being untruthful, or 2. you are being overly suspicious. and of course you should always clarify with them first. it's unfair to jump to conclusions without letting the parties involved have their say in the matter. so if option 1, they are being untruthful, then good for you, you have uncovered their secret. but what if it's 2? you might end up misunderstanding your friends completely... meaning u might lose your friendship because of this little misunderstanding which u cannot solve by yourself (but might be resolved by all parties involved)
secondly, there is something which i want to clarify. sometimes people are just not in the mood for certain things at certain times... for example, for someone who had just broken up with their lover was still in mourning, and you shouldn't have the cheek to ask him/her to go out with some other people whom they don't even know for a date. especially if they are those rather conservative kind.
and sometimes, certain problems can't be solved just because you say it. it takes more than that.
and as outsiders who are not involved in certain issues, it is hard to grasp the feelings of those in the situation... as such, we should try not to impose our opinion on them because we hardly understand fully how they feel in that situation...
thirdly, there are differences between best friends between 2 pple of the opposite sex and being lovers. perhaps the best friends could have gone to a stage where the communication between them is almost similar to that of lovers, but...
1. (as suggested by randy) lovers have a lot of physical contact, best friends don't.
2. lovers call each other by their pet names... you don't really call your best friends (maybe for girl-girl best friends yes...) by some mushy nicknames.
3. you don't flirt that much with your best friend than your lover.
4. and etc etc. the list goes on.
so get these things clear. i hate to make things black and white like that, but i'm really at my wits end. and when someone tries to explain something to you, try to listen to them till the very end... and if pple who are usually calm and composed all get angry at you suddenly... there should be a good reason y that is so. so maybe you should think about what you said or did that make them so upset.
i'm ready to hear what you have to say, so be ready to hear what i have to say. your opinion may not always be the truth.
05 December 2005
perhaps only late at night will ur true feelings be exposed.
i realised that i still missed you a little.
perhaps the time that has passed is not yet sufficient.
i might not have the same feelings 1 year laters.
perhaps music of the late night stirs the strings of the heart once again.
we're probably waiting for that same flower.
perhaps when the next winter comes the heart shall thaw.
i'm tireds and i know it. i'm juz being hyper active the whole of today and so now my batteries r running low. juz a few random thoughts in my mind... christmas is coming! (should be celebrating wif my family as usual, though not alone like past years) and sushi dinner tml!!! (omg my poor wallet) plus sun tanning on thurs (lobster day) and sat is pansy's audition for impressario (promised i'll go down to root for her... maybe with pom poms n huge posters) and class outing (haha someone out there u better remember this. *stares*) and then sun is tuition again... wow upcoming week sounds bz... which is good, can take my mind off things and help me focus better and sleep better... and i miss the beach! my sis' bdae this thurs! and i haven't figured wad to get for her prezzie!!! sheesh and she's happily in camp, returning tml afternoon or something... should i get wad's on her wishlist(i think her class pple will get it for her actually) hmms i think i should get her something exotic... *heh heh heh... evil grinz ^_^ v *
wish there's snow in singapore... no idea y... makes me feel melachonic... can play snowball fights... build snowman... wear those thick wollen things... (hey i neber wear that b4 k... swaku so wad... i wanna do that hehehex~) geez i think i'm sounding more n more like a bitch... lolz~ maybe i'm one?
today's a tiring day... kept talking the whole day until my throat is totally parched... no amt of water can redeem it now... i think i'll fall sick soon again.. maybe sore throat? lolz tml shall continue with my water parade... my friends n collegues complain that i drink a lot and very fast... like 1 hour can finish 1 water bottle... those 1 litre kind... not the 500ml ice mountain water bottle kind... yar i'm a water barrel or toilet bowl that only accepts fluid... solids i'm a little more particular...
yesterday... went my best friend's house... watched her coursemates play monopoly (in which i became banker and her two friends crazily forged an alliance and signed treaty with me as witness but in the end they went totally bankrupt!!! so hilarious!!!) and after that we all stone in front of ps2... watching me and my best friend's friend playing this kart racing game... cos we all noobs neber play b4 keep falling into those weird pits... we're the source of entertainment for my best friend her sis n the other friend... lolz~ ok i think i'm confusing pple reading this entry with my this friend that friend her friend thingy... oh well...
then after that went to shop for groceries wif my mum... went to qiao zha her (cos she wanted me to come since my sis at camp... complain cannot carry all the groceries... made me wait for her inside supermarket for so long neber pick up handphone... make me angry... heh heh heh) so i bought a lot of tidbits n she has to pay... muahahahaha.. i think i bought enuff for me to eat for more than 2 weeks... lolz~
wan me to recall the days before sat? nah i dun wan to... sleep time!
zZzZzZzZzzzzzz....................
i realised that i still missed you a little.
perhaps the time that has passed is not yet sufficient.
i might not have the same feelings 1 year laters.
perhaps music of the late night stirs the strings of the heart once again.
we're probably waiting for that same flower.
perhaps when the next winter comes the heart shall thaw.
i'm tireds and i know it. i'm juz being hyper active the whole of today and so now my batteries r running low. juz a few random thoughts in my mind... christmas is coming! (should be celebrating wif my family as usual, though not alone like past years) and sushi dinner tml!!! (omg my poor wallet) plus sun tanning on thurs (lobster day) and sat is pansy's audition for impressario (promised i'll go down to root for her... maybe with pom poms n huge posters) and class outing (haha someone out there u better remember this. *stares*) and then sun is tuition again... wow upcoming week sounds bz... which is good, can take my mind off things and help me focus better and sleep better... and i miss the beach! my sis' bdae this thurs! and i haven't figured wad to get for her prezzie!!! sheesh and she's happily in camp, returning tml afternoon or something... should i get wad's on her wishlist(i think her class pple will get it for her actually) hmms i think i should get her something exotic... *heh heh heh... evil grinz ^_^ v *
wish there's snow in singapore... no idea y... makes me feel melachonic... can play snowball fights... build snowman... wear those thick wollen things... (hey i neber wear that b4 k... swaku so wad... i wanna do that hehehex~) geez i think i'm sounding more n more like a bitch... lolz~ maybe i'm one?
today's a tiring day... kept talking the whole day until my throat is totally parched... no amt of water can redeem it now... i think i'll fall sick soon again.. maybe sore throat? lolz tml shall continue with my water parade... my friends n collegues complain that i drink a lot and very fast... like 1 hour can finish 1 water bottle... those 1 litre kind... not the 500ml ice mountain water bottle kind... yar i'm a water barrel or toilet bowl that only accepts fluid... solids i'm a little more particular...
yesterday... went my best friend's house... watched her coursemates play monopoly (in which i became banker and her two friends crazily forged an alliance and signed treaty with me as witness but in the end they went totally bankrupt!!! so hilarious!!!) and after that we all stone in front of ps2... watching me and my best friend's friend playing this kart racing game... cos we all noobs neber play b4 keep falling into those weird pits... we're the source of entertainment for my best friend her sis n the other friend... lolz~ ok i think i'm confusing pple reading this entry with my this friend that friend her friend thingy... oh well...
then after that went to shop for groceries wif my mum... went to qiao zha her (cos she wanted me to come since my sis at camp... complain cannot carry all the groceries... made me wait for her inside supermarket for so long neber pick up handphone... make me angry... heh heh heh) so i bought a lot of tidbits n she has to pay... muahahahaha.. i think i bought enuff for me to eat for more than 2 weeks... lolz~
wan me to recall the days before sat? nah i dun wan to... sleep time!
zZzZzZzZzzzzzz....................
03 December 2005
today... is the day for posting lyrics!!! haha no lar... juz that i bought s.h.e's new album (at only 12+!!!! muahahaha good buy XD) so yeap... here u r... a few of my fav songs below... =)
不想长大
曲：左安安 词：施人诚 演唱：S.H.E.
为什么就是找不到不谢的玫瑰花
为什么遇见的王子都不够王子啊
我并不期盼他会有玻璃鞋和白马
我惊讶的是情话竟然会变成谎话
为什么幸福的青鸟要飞的那么高
为什么苹果和拥抱都可能是毒药
我从没想过有了他还孤单的可怕
我突然想起从前陪我那个洋娃娃
我不想我不想不想长大
长大后世界就没童话
我不想我不想不想长大
我宁愿永远都笨又傻
我不想我不想不想长大
长大后我就会失去他
我深爱的他 深爱我的他
已经变得不像他
我不想我不想不想长大
长大后世界就没童话
我不想我不想不想长大
我宁愿永远都笨又傻
我不想我不想不想长大
长大后我就会失去他
我深爱的他 深爱我的他
怎么会爱上别的他
为什么水晶球里面看不出他在变
为什么结局没欢笑而是泪流满面
我愿意在他回来前继续安静沉睡
但他已去到别座城堡吻另一双嘴
为什么对流星许愿却从来没实现
为什么英勇的骑士会比龙还危险
我当然知道这世界不会完美无瑕
我只求爱情能够不要那么样复杂
让我们回去从前好不好
天真愚蠢快乐美好
天灰
曲：冯士哲 词：施人诚 演唱：S.H.E.
如果你不再出现 我的世界 还有什么可贵
可惜不够时间 让我们试验 什么叫永远
想念变成怀念 心动变成心碎
偏偏还会关切 你最后属于谁
我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯 早已经全都熄灭
如果你从没出现 我会不会 觉得快乐一些
可惜残忍时间 总要把诺言 一点点摧毁
星星之火
曲：曹格 词：陈信延 演唱：S.H.E.
女孩 越过小路爬上了山丘
那时的她 还不懂为什么
萤火虫都不动
停驻在夜空 点亮了小小宇宙
女孩 慢慢长大却还是懵懂
那时的她 还不懂为什么
大人们能抽空
为失恋喝杯酒 却没空看看星空
“不要 不要 忘了做过的梦”
天上星星 仿佛听她述说 兴奋地闪烁
我要变成那一颗星星 整夜都亮晶晶
不怕阴暗的黑影 骄傲地闪不停
SHINING (SHINING) 亮丽到月儿都妒忌
灿烂的一颗星星 一生也亮晶晶
因为夜归的背影 有了我的指引
SHINING (SHINING) 勇气就在你手心
女孩 不再单纯却不够成熟
这时的她 虽然懂为什么
美丽总有哀愁
每当有泪儿流 却回到那个宇宙
女孩 有天将会到哪里出走
哪时的她 总会问为什么
一个梦那么重
只希望放弃前 能想起那片星空
“不要 不要 忘了做过的梦”
天上星星 彷佛听她述说 兴奋地闪烁
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Believe, believe, believe, you are the only star.
我要变成那一颗星星 整夜都亮晶晶
不怕阴暗的黑影 骄傲地闪不停
SHINING (SHINING) 亮丽到月儿都妒忌
灿烂的一颗星星 一生也亮晶晶
因为夜归的背影 有了我的指引
SHINING (SHINING) 勇气就在你手心
不想长大
曲：左安安 词：施人诚 演唱：S.H.E.
为什么就是找不到不谢的玫瑰花
为什么遇见的王子都不够王子啊
我并不期盼他会有玻璃鞋和白马
我惊讶的是情话竟然会变成谎话
为什么幸福的青鸟要飞的那么高
为什么苹果和拥抱都可能是毒药
我从没想过有了他还孤单的可怕
我突然想起从前陪我那个洋娃娃
我不想我不想不想长大
长大后世界就没童话
我不想我不想不想长大
我宁愿永远都笨又傻
我不想我不想不想长大
长大后我就会失去他
我深爱的他 深爱我的他
已经变得不像他
我不想我不想不想长大
长大后世界就没童话
我不想我不想不想长大
我宁愿永远都笨又傻
我不想我不想不想长大
长大后我就会失去他
我深爱的他 深爱我的他
怎么会爱上别的他
为什么水晶球里面看不出他在变
为什么结局没欢笑而是泪流满面
我愿意在他回来前继续安静沉睡
但他已去到别座城堡吻另一双嘴
为什么对流星许愿却从来没实现
为什么英勇的骑士会比龙还危险
我当然知道这世界不会完美无瑕
我只求爱情能够不要那么样复杂
让我们回去从前好不好
天真愚蠢快乐美好
天灰
曲：冯士哲 词：施人诚 演唱：S.H.E.
如果你不再出现 我的世界 还有什么可贵
可惜不够时间 让我们试验 什么叫永远
想念变成怀念 心动变成心碎
偏偏还会关切 你最后属于谁
我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯 早已经全都熄灭
如果你从没出现 我会不会 觉得快乐一些
可惜残忍时间 总要把诺言 一点点摧毁
星星之火
曲：曹格 词：陈信延 演唱：S.H.E.
女孩 越过小路爬上了山丘
那时的她 还不懂为什么
萤火虫都不动
停驻在夜空 点亮了小小宇宙
女孩 慢慢长大却还是懵懂
那时的她 还不懂为什么
大人们能抽空
为失恋喝杯酒 却没空看看星空
“不要 不要 忘了做过的梦”
天上星星 仿佛听她述说 兴奋地闪烁
我要变成那一颗星星 整夜都亮晶晶
不怕阴暗的黑影 骄傲地闪不停
SHINING (SHINING) 亮丽到月儿都妒忌
灿烂的一颗星星 一生也亮晶晶
因为夜归的背影 有了我的指引
SHINING (SHINING) 勇气就在你手心
女孩 不再单纯却不够成熟
这时的她 虽然懂为什么
美丽总有哀愁
每当有泪儿流 却回到那个宇宙
女孩 有天将会到哪里出走
哪时的她 总会问为什么
一个梦那么重
只希望放弃前 能想起那片星空
“不要 不要 忘了做过的梦”
天上星星 彷佛听她述说 兴奋地闪烁
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Believe, believe, believe, you are the only star.
我要变成那一颗星星 整夜都亮晶晶
不怕阴暗的黑影 骄傲地闪不停
SHINING (SHINING) 亮丽到月儿都妒忌
灿烂的一颗星星 一生也亮晶晶
因为夜归的背影 有了我的指引
SHINING (SHINING) 勇气就在你手心
02 December 2005
sometimes i wonder if i'm juz being too nosy... perhaps things would be much better off when left alone on their own...
some things just do not wait... time for instance... time trickles away slowly even as i am typing this entry and u readers out there are reading... chances gone can never be retrieved...
sometimes i really wonder if the things i do... are they just being plain silly or what nots... i usually do things without thinking deeply into the consequences... some of the things i say, the things i do... i hope it doesn't cause any misunderstandings, but if it does, i'm sorry for i had no intention of doing so... i'm juz too rash and do things when it comes to my mind without giving it much thought... just like the speech from my mouth... i say wadeva that comes to my mind without holding much back... if i have offended anyone or hurt anyone, it wasn't on purpose.
perhaps indeed i'm better off left alone.
today... went to watch harry potter and the goblet of fire (after a long time since its release) must say that one day's worth of reading content squeezed n condensed into a 2+ hour movie is no joke... i left the theatre brain dead... lolz~ and i guess for those who didn't read the book they probably wouldn't understand everything that was going on in the movie... i kinda wished they split it into 2 movies, probably that would have given the movie a better presentation of the original text... but i think... guess not... the actors would have been too old to finish acting the whole harry potter series if that happened... lolz~
hermione is so so chio!!! n ron's becoming more and more shuai... and he's hilarious... lolz~ cho wasn't that bad looking as some of the other guys were saying... i tot she's quite chio... lolz~ oh well... i guess my taste's different from the guys... lolz~
and they toned down on a lot of things!!!! like the third task, the truth about mad-eye moody... geez... all the big climaxes and stuff and they actually toned it down??? haiz~ i guess can't really help it... it was a good attempt for a making a short movie out of such a long and thick text in comparison...
haiz... my mind's not working properly again... shall b back soon... sighz~
some things just do not wait... time for instance... time trickles away slowly even as i am typing this entry and u readers out there are reading... chances gone can never be retrieved...
sometimes i really wonder if the things i do... are they just being plain silly or what nots... i usually do things without thinking deeply into the consequences... some of the things i say, the things i do... i hope it doesn't cause any misunderstandings, but if it does, i'm sorry for i had no intention of doing so... i'm juz too rash and do things when it comes to my mind without giving it much thought... just like the speech from my mouth... i say wadeva that comes to my mind without holding much back... if i have offended anyone or hurt anyone, it wasn't on purpose.
perhaps indeed i'm better off left alone.
today... went to watch harry potter and the goblet of fire (after a long time since its release) must say that one day's worth of reading content squeezed n condensed into a 2+ hour movie is no joke... i left the theatre brain dead... lolz~ and i guess for those who didn't read the book they probably wouldn't understand everything that was going on in the movie... i kinda wished they split it into 2 movies, probably that would have given the movie a better presentation of the original text... but i think... guess not... the actors would have been too old to finish acting the whole harry potter series if that happened... lolz~
hermione is so so chio!!! n ron's becoming more and more shuai... and he's hilarious... lolz~ cho wasn't that bad looking as some of the other guys were saying... i tot she's quite chio... lolz~ oh well... i guess my taste's different from the guys... lolz~
and they toned down on a lot of things!!!! like the third task, the truth about mad-eye moody... geez... all the big climaxes and stuff and they actually toned it down??? haiz~ i guess can't really help it... it was a good attempt for a making a short movie out of such a long and thick text in comparison...
haiz... my mind's not working properly again... shall b back soon... sighz~
30 November 2005
it's been a long time since i last posted... felt like eternity... oh well i was "busy" with exams (it ended on 25 nov with my corpse in the coffin, but oh well due to some strange reason i'm sitting in front of my lappie now... probably cos i died twice already - once during materials science exam on 20th, the other was the econs paper on 25th itself)
been reading books non stop, reading manga, watching tv, rotting, out shopping with my sis for her prom stuff... it's only been 4 days and i'm bored. pansy told me she's now working in an office now and i'm quite lazy to go find myself a job... afterall i don't know who would employ a part timer for only 1 month to help out with filing... unless i go into sales (but then again... my poor poor legs) sighz~ i know i shouldn't be so picky about jobs... i'm juz a lazy bum who thinks she isn't fit for work. *slap slap slap*
i guess some things just wouldn't change.
time passes really quickly... almost a year gone... i think back upon the things that happened almost one year ago... it felt so far... so distant... when i think back upon it i felt happy... blissful... but now back to reality. *ooo... the thunder just roared outside my house... apparently the thunder god agrees with me* the truth is never beautiful. u have to move on with life and stop thinking about the past. no one cares actually. they say that they'll remember about the things in the past... all the happy things... and when things turn out bad, they'll shut themselves up and forget about everything. things move on. sooner or later when u ask them about it again they might even not recall at all. it would be like something foreign to them.
people only remember the things they wanna remember. that's human nature.
okies back to what i had been doing... i've re-read n rewatched howl's moving castle quite a few times by now and i muz say... the story is just so captivating, be it the movie version or the original story... (i know it's children's books... so?) and now i'm reading chronicles of narnia cos i don't wanna be embarrassed when i discuss this book with my tutee after she finishes reading the book i'm going to lend her (the lion, the witch and the wardrobe) and ask her to do a book review... lolz~ i'm juz trying to be slack... not to teach her so much new stuff, but to let her read more books and to discuss about the books... last sun i got her to write an english compo entitled "the day a fairy came knocking on my door"... her story was... (in my opinion... geez i hope she doesn't blog surf and see my blog) quite humourous... childish i would say... and to a certain extent... taking into account that she's a sec1 student going to be sec 2.... maybe... she read too many romance novels... lolz~
since i've got the time... i hope she doesn't mind if i post her story online, after my editing of grammer errors, that is...
erms... this was a highly edited version of the original story. the grammer was... -_- and it's amazing how young girls these days are so... proactive and want to marry someone by first sight... and a prince somemore! of faries! wow... i guess that's wad they meant by pple maturing so much earlier these days... she's only sec 1!!! when i was her age i wouldn't have thought of this kind of things... -_- oh well...
and yes... my typing skills have greatly deproved... *bursts into tears* i shall type more these days i guess... maybe type out the whole of howl's moving castle novel into my comp or something... -_-'''
it's still raining out there... i guess the rain wouldn't stop afterall... it will continue to fall... until one day probably when everything dries up then it shall cease...
been reading books non stop, reading manga, watching tv, rotting, out shopping with my sis for her prom stuff... it's only been 4 days and i'm bored. pansy told me she's now working in an office now and i'm quite lazy to go find myself a job... afterall i don't know who would employ a part timer for only 1 month to help out with filing... unless i go into sales (but then again... my poor poor legs) sighz~ i know i shouldn't be so picky about jobs... i'm juz a lazy bum who thinks she isn't fit for work. *slap slap slap*
i guess some things just wouldn't change.
time passes really quickly... almost a year gone... i think back upon the things that happened almost one year ago... it felt so far... so distant... when i think back upon it i felt happy... blissful... but now back to reality. *ooo... the thunder just roared outside my house... apparently the thunder god agrees with me* the truth is never beautiful. u have to move on with life and stop thinking about the past. no one cares actually. they say that they'll remember about the things in the past... all the happy things... and when things turn out bad, they'll shut themselves up and forget about everything. things move on. sooner or later when u ask them about it again they might even not recall at all. it would be like something foreign to them.
people only remember the things they wanna remember. that's human nature.
okies back to what i had been doing... i've re-read n rewatched howl's moving castle quite a few times by now and i muz say... the story is just so captivating, be it the movie version or the original story... (i know it's children's books... so?) and now i'm reading chronicles of narnia cos i don't wanna be embarrassed when i discuss this book with my tutee after she finishes reading the book i'm going to lend her (the lion, the witch and the wardrobe) and ask her to do a book review... lolz~ i'm juz trying to be slack... not to teach her so much new stuff, but to let her read more books and to discuss about the books... last sun i got her to write an english compo entitled "the day a fairy came knocking on my door"... her story was... (in my opinion... geez i hope she doesn't blog surf and see my blog) quite humourous... childish i would say... and to a certain extent... taking into account that she's a sec1 student going to be sec 2.... maybe... she read too many romance novels... lolz~
since i've got the time... i hope she doesn't mind if i post her story online, after my editing of grammer errors, that is...
The Day a Fairy Came Knocking on my Door
It was a warm Saturday afternoon when I had just finished bathing. I sat down at my desk and started on my homework when I heard someone knocking on the door. My parents were not in, so I went to answer it. I saw a lady in pink with furry wings and holding a wand. She spoke the moment i opened the door in a hurried manner, "Hi! I am the fairy of the palace and I need your help. Can you please come with me to the palace and I will tell you more details." I hesitated for a moment and thought whether I should go with her or not. In the end, I decided that I should go with her because she needed my help and I should assist her.
We walked for a very long journey and finally reached the palace. The palace was huge and beautiful. It was pink and had many small windows. As we entered the palace, I found out that the entrance to the palace was a big archway without a door. We went inside and it was full of guards. We ventured further until we reached the hall. The King and Queen were sitting inside and I saw a boy sitting beside them. He was very charming and was wearing a small crown. Then i realised that he was the prince. I kept staring at him and wanted to marry him. The King saw that and said, "If you can fulfil my request, I will let him marry you." I agreed and he continued, "The palace is going to be demolished by the King of the humans. You have to stop him from doing this." I understood how they felt when their own palace was going to be gone and agreed to their request. I went to find the King of the humans. As it was far away from here, I took a day to reach there. I walked and walked and saw that the sky was getting darker. I decided to sleep in the forests.
The next afternoon, I reached my destination. I told the King what I wanted to do. I pleaded him not to demolish the palace as the faries had no place to go after that. He finaly agreed and I went back to the palace of the faries.
The faries and King heard that and thanked me profusely for helping them. They fulfilled their promise and I was to be married to the prince. I went home and told this happy news to my parents.
erms... this was a highly edited version of the original story. the grammer was... -_- and it's amazing how young girls these days are so... proactive and want to marry someone by first sight... and a prince somemore! of faries! wow... i guess that's wad they meant by pple maturing so much earlier these days... she's only sec 1!!! when i was her age i wouldn't have thought of this kind of things... -_- oh well...
and yes... my typing skills have greatly deproved... *bursts into tears* i shall type more these days i guess... maybe type out the whole of howl's moving castle novel into my comp or something... -_-'''
it's still raining out there... i guess the rain wouldn't stop afterall... it will continue to fall... until one day probably when everything dries up then it shall cease...
15 November 2005
these days as i blog-surf ard pple who are same age as me, all girls, who just left jc last year and now struggling with uni life... i see entries talking about how much they missed their respective jc lives... talking about the good old times where they had... wishing they could turn back time...
as i read about these... some which are shared experiences... these left a smile on my face... but.
i realise i don't feel the same way as they do.
probably because there's nothing much for me to remember from the good old jc days. i admit they were fun... full of tears joy laughter. there were days of sunshine and storms. but perhaps it was due to those storms we no longer remember those bright shiny days?
or perhaps i'm the only one who became immune to all these kind of nostalgic feelings.
i know that we cannot turn back time. there's no turning back at all. there's no point in looking back, wishing that ur life was like before, wishing that things didn't have to change. because in the end u still have to face the cold hard reality that the past was gone forever. some argue that we always will have those memories hidden in the depths of our heart. ah, yes, good for u. perhaps mine is hidden so deep until i cannot see sense or feel it anymore, no more feelings of joy or hurt.
perhaps it's better this way.
i'm fine and happy with my current life. i know my family loves me and for the first time in my life, my relationship with my family members are starting to get better... i've also got a bunch of true friends whom i know will be there for me when i need them. *okies this sounds selfish lolz* perhaps it is because i don't see a point in trying to revert to the past, because i'm content with what i have now, that's y i don't seek to look back and think of the old days.
i'm sure those peeps whom i've browsed through their blogs have friends who care for them. don't dwell so much on the past. learn to move on, and pple around you will help u along.
perhaps this is the reason y i hate myself for being so indifferent to things.
as i read about these... some which are shared experiences... these left a smile on my face... but.
i realise i don't feel the same way as they do.
probably because there's nothing much for me to remember from the good old jc days. i admit they were fun... full of tears joy laughter. there were days of sunshine and storms. but perhaps it was due to those storms we no longer remember those bright shiny days?
or perhaps i'm the only one who became immune to all these kind of nostalgic feelings.
i know that we cannot turn back time. there's no turning back at all. there's no point in looking back, wishing that ur life was like before, wishing that things didn't have to change. because in the end u still have to face the cold hard reality that the past was gone forever. some argue that we always will have those memories hidden in the depths of our heart. ah, yes, good for u. perhaps mine is hidden so deep until i cannot see sense or feel it anymore, no more feelings of joy or hurt.
perhaps it's better this way.
i'm fine and happy with my current life. i know my family loves me and for the first time in my life, my relationship with my family members are starting to get better... i've also got a bunch of true friends whom i know will be there for me when i need them. *okies this sounds selfish lolz* perhaps it is because i don't see a point in trying to revert to the past, because i'm content with what i have now, that's y i don't seek to look back and think of the old days.
i'm sure those peeps whom i've browsed through their blogs have friends who care for them. don't dwell so much on the past. learn to move on, and pple around you will help u along.
perhaps this is the reason y i hate myself for being so indifferent to things.
12 November 2005
07 November 2005
12:14 in the morning *according to my comp's clock* and i'm still online procrastinating about studying for life science exam in another 24+9.5 hours time... when i'm not even through my 4th lecture out of total of 12 lectures for the entire exam. tell me wad the heck am i doing in this world.
i'm tired frustrated totally siandeds with no sense of goal purpose. i juz had a nap before dinner n i felt refreshed after it, but after an hour i'm back to the sleepy drowsy me. anime no longer work wonders...
listening to songs, drifting aimlessly while my fellow tutorial mates have probably finished studying all the chapters. what the shit am i doing here.
yar i'm procrastinating. y do i have to take life science... -_-'''
i swear i'm going to burn these notes after the exam. -_-
life science simply sux. stop forcing engine pple from taking it when it's not absolutely necessary. make it an option or something. or someting recreational. life science is fun to study but not fun to learn for exam when students have absolutely no idea what u're asking about and when u ask the most redundant things. like who came up with the lock and key hypothesis. or how clicking a button at the genetic database thingy will lead u to which other database. or what "transcription" means in latin. like we're really going to need to use or know it. even if some of us do, that would be the minority.
absolute crap. kindly ignore me. -_-
i'm tired frustrated totally siandeds with no sense of goal purpose. i juz had a nap before dinner n i felt refreshed after it, but after an hour i'm back to the sleepy drowsy me. anime no longer work wonders...
listening to songs, drifting aimlessly while my fellow tutorial mates have probably finished studying all the chapters. what the shit am i doing here.
yar i'm procrastinating. y do i have to take life science... -_-'''
i swear i'm going to burn these notes after the exam. -_-
life science simply sux. stop forcing engine pple from taking it when it's not absolutely necessary. make it an option or something. or someting recreational. life science is fun to study but not fun to learn for exam when students have absolutely no idea what u're asking about and when u ask the most redundant things. like who came up with the lock and key hypothesis. or how clicking a button at the genetic database thingy will lead u to which other database. or what "transcription" means in latin. like we're really going to need to use or know it. even if some of us do, that would be the minority.
absolute crap. kindly ignore me. -_-
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)