today's another boring n tiring day... i know it's like boring for pple to read how boring my life is n how it revolves around mugging n halfway forgetting that i've got exams in 8 days time n run off to play game/watch anime. *yesh i'm sorry that my boring life revolves only around these things. -_- anime's my life. slacking's my life. but sorry i hope mugging's not my life. -_-*
i guess u're right. i still feel for him.
oh yah speaking of this.. the long awaited fan subbed tsubasa episode 26 by dattebayo n live-evil is finally out! after pulling out hair in frustration wif my fellow anime freaks like edwin n talking abt it wif tutorial mates yong quan n nicholas *who had no idea wad i was talking abt when i told him some of the characters in there came from CCS... he was like... har? wad's card captor sakura? lolz~* yeap i finally had my late "weekly" dose of tsubasa wif syaoran n sakura n kurogane n fye~ sadeds that the first season ended rather quickly... meaning that i'll have to wait for another few more months before my next dose of tsubasa will come... yes.. the second season will be out sometime in april next year... so until den if i go crazy u know y. yesh i haven't had my dose of nerve calming medication.
but there's one thing u've got wrong about me.
besides this... loads of other "new" anime from fan subs... like shakugan no shana... juz watched episode 3 and i'm glad to say i'm not disappointed! =) somehow i don't understand y some other viewers feel that the series is starting to bore them... but to me shana still kicks ass n sakai is not some wimp... he juz has his own values that's all. hehex~ so to anime fans out there i still recommend to you guys shakugan no shana... =) quick go dl!!! lolz~
my heart has turned to stone juz like my mouth.
besides that... school rumble 24 by wannabe fansubs is also out! juz found out today and finished watching it... had a good laff after waiting for my school rumble dosage too.... hehex... but the wait is always worth it! XD harima as usual misunderstand tenma n vice versa and things take an unpredicted turn where harima all of a sudden finds himself a new girlfriend without his consent! wahahahaha~ i can juz die from laffing~
no point holding onto those feelings that holds no value anymore.
despite all the fun going-ons with my anime life... i muz admit... exams are driving me crazy... i'm tireds... *despite having quite alot of sleep i suppose... lolz* thurs material science test n up till now wadeva i studied... it's like... i know all the information but when u throw me to do all those questions i don't think i'll know how to do... but then, come to think of it... it's only another 40 mcq nia~ study so hard for wad? lol. but look at how close exams are to us... n i haven't even started studying for the other subjects yet.
since guys can survive without women,
somebody... help me!!!!
i don't see y the otherwise can't hold.
and to end off this post... wif new song by jay chou... his new album coming out on 1 nov... can't wait to get it wahahaha~
夜曲
by 周杰伦
一群嗜血的蚂蚁被腐肉所吸引
我面无表情看孤独的风景
失去你爱开始分明
失去你还有什么事好关心
那鸽子不再象征和平
我终于被提醒捆着手我现在是奴隶
我用漂亮的押韵形容被掠夺一空的爱情
我应该藏这里夜色不干净
还给你整夜的回忆占满天的星
送你的白色玫瑰在纯黑的花季凋零
午夜在树枝上诡异的很安静
倾听我黑色的大衣像我的你
衣栉比鳞的鬼走过的走过的生命
啊四周弥漫雾气
啊我在空旷的墓地
老去后还爱你
为你弹奏肖邦的夜曲
纪念我死去的爱情
跟夜风一样的声音
心碎的很好听
手在键盘敲钢琴
我给的思念太小心
你埋葬的地方就有你
为你弹奏肖邦的夜曲
纪念我死去的爱情
而我为你隐姓埋名
在月光下弹琴
对你心跳的感应
还是如此温热亲近
怀念你那鲜红的唇印
那些断翅的蜻蜓散落在这森林
而我的眼睛没有丝毫同情
失去你泪水混浊无情
失去你我连笑容都有阴影
我站在满心期待的屋顶
嘲笑我的伤心
像一口没有水的枯井
我用尽我的自信
要我后悔莫急等待爱情
为你弹奏肖邦的夜曲
纪念我死去的爱情
跟夜风一样的声音
心碎的很好听
手在键盘敲钢琴
我给的思念太小心
你埋葬的地方就有你
为你弹奏肖邦的夜曲
纪念我死去的爱情
而我为你隐姓埋名
在月光下弹琴
对你心跳的感应
还是如此温热亲近
怀念你那鲜红的唇印
一群嗜血的蚂蚁被腐肉所吸引
我面无表情看孤独的风景
失去你爱开始分明
失去你还有什么事好关心
那鸽子不再象征和平
我终于被提醒捆着手我现在是奴隶
我用漂亮的押韵形容被掠夺一空的爱情
25 October 2005
this is a really old song... juz listened to this song which i once paid no attention to... n realised this is quite an interesting song lolz... *probably today i had loads of fun wif my tutorial mates trying to solve those 欠扁问答题... lolz*
冰箱
by S.H.E.
把大象放进冰箱有几个步骤
把河马放进冰箱有几个步骤
把回忆放进冰箱会不会寂寞
把爱情放进冰箱也已经到了时候
让眼泪一次流够要几个枕头
让明天不再难过要多少纸鹤
让热情变成冷漠算不算罪过
让爱情退冰多久 才可以化为乌有
从今以后再没有人那样逗我
从今以后 就要分手
从今以后冰箱不必再放啤酒
从今以后 别在门口等我
从今以后再不需要别人哄我
从今以后 就算分手
从今以后日记再也不用上锁
从今以后 甚至不是朋友
苹果给你 柠檬给我
可乐给你 咖啡给我
自由给你 真心给我
你的给你 我的你不能带走
尽管带走吧。我不需要你。
冰箱
by S.H.E.
把大象放进冰箱有几个步骤
把河马放进冰箱有几个步骤
把回忆放进冰箱会不会寂寞
把爱情放进冰箱也已经到了时候
让眼泪一次流够要几个枕头
让明天不再难过要多少纸鹤
让热情变成冷漠算不算罪过
让爱情退冰多久 才可以化为乌有
从今以后再没有人那样逗我
从今以后 就要分手
从今以后冰箱不必再放啤酒
从今以后 别在门口等我
从今以后再不需要别人哄我
从今以后 就算分手
从今以后日记再也不用上锁
从今以后 甚至不是朋友
苹果给你 柠檬给我
可乐给你 咖啡给我
自由给你 真心给我
你的给你 我的你不能带走
尽管带走吧。我不需要你。
23 October 2005
22 October 2005
i guess... pple are all like that...
only remembering the things that are important to them, remembering those that interests them, while forgetting those "insignificant" in their eyes...
i guess it's juz human nature...
眼泪曾为一个人而流
只是那个人已不在
现在雨水代替眼泪
泪水也就不再流
但是最后才发现 原来他活在心中
不论走到哪里 不自觉地就会想起
一切关于你的事
再也不需要你 这不是欺骗自己
以前那些时光 就留作回忆
再也不需要你 我只要找回自己
美好的不好的 都成为过去
i'm watching this new anime called 灼眼のシャナ, translated to english called blazing-eye Shana (ok my translation sux wahahaha~) juz watched the first episode... quite an intruiging series for me... and juz one episode i'm hooked...
it talks about this guy, called yuuji sakai 坂井 悠二... who was just a normal guy leading a boring school life... was just walking down the streets one day after a normal school day when he notices a seal of some sort unrevealing itself on the ground beneath his feet, and time stopped suddenly and this huge monster appeared, sucking the existence out of all the people on the street, including one of yuuji's classmates, hanai yukari... only yuuji and the monster were the people moving then... and yuuji was shocked at the entire scene... the monster soon realised that unlike the others, yuuji could move and concluded he's a mistes, and is a unique one... and tried to eat yuuji up. at this moment, a girl with fire-red hair and eyes appeared, and saved yuuji in the nick of time... but before she manage to defeat the monster, yuuji was shocked at how she was going to kill n stood between the monster who had transformed into a woman, and the monster took advantage to stick her hand into yuuji's body to look for the hidden item in yuuji that makes him unique... the girl simply used her long sword n cut through yuuji n the monster...
yuuji thought he would be dead due to blood loss but surprisingly he wasn't bleeding at all... he screams at the girl to call an ambulance... but the girl calmly went up to him and simply put the cut half of his arm together with the rest of the body, and his whole body is back in place...
then the girl returned the whole street to normal by replacing the people who's existence had already been eaten by the monster with torches... everything started moving again... yuuji saw his classmate infront of him walk off with lifeless eyes, and she wouldn't answer him when he calls her... and no one on the street seemed to notice wad had happened... yuuji then chased after the girl with red hair, only to find that her hair is now black...
then the girl reveals to him that he wasn't even human, he was just an object, called a torch, that was put in place of an existence that had been eaten by such monsters they encountered just now... and these torches are there to absorb the impact due to the sudden disappearence of an existence... and so... the real sakai yuuji was dead... the person that had been cut was only a reminder of yuuji's existence and would soon disappear... and all those around him would not have noticed that he was even there before...
how i wish i'm dead just like he is.
this story really get me to start thinking about things in life... the concept of how u might not really be who u r now is really an intriguing one lolx... it makes me wanna know more... and watch more... and of course... the girl with blazing eyes totally rawks! XD she totally kicks butt... XD can't wait for the next episodes to come out... it's so irritating that the american companies have to liscense this anime series the moment it came out -_- siandeds... but so far it has juz started airing in japan a few weeks ago... and it's quite like bleach except i guess shana(the girl with red eyes n hair) is so much more hot! lolz.... but of course ichigo's the best... XD
woah... i had the thought of turning my blog into an anime blog... but looking at how i'm struggling with giving a summary of an anime episode *okies my summary skills sux* i think i can totally forget about it wahahaha~ and besides... i guess i don't have that much patience either... lolz... wow i took 1.5 hours to type this whole thing! *cos i was multitasking - eating dinner watching tv, rewatching 灼眼のシャナ episode 1 to write the summary* all in all... i shouldn't be spending time here when i only have 11 days left for exams!!! and i haven't started studying yet!!! jialats... no mood to study somemore... uninstalled dota but anime's driving me crazy and i'm not going to delete it in anyway... =(
somebody help me!!!
only remembering the things that are important to them, remembering those that interests them, while forgetting those "insignificant" in their eyes...
i guess it's juz human nature...
眼泪曾为一个人而流
只是那个人已不在
现在雨水代替眼泪
泪水也就不再流
但是最后才发现 原来他活在心中
不论走到哪里 不自觉地就会想起
一切关于你的事
再也不需要你 这不是欺骗自己
以前那些时光 就留作回忆
再也不需要你 我只要找回自己
美好的不好的 都成为过去
i'm watching this new anime called 灼眼のシャナ, translated to english called blazing-eye Shana (ok my translation sux wahahaha~) juz watched the first episode... quite an intruiging series for me... and juz one episode i'm hooked...
it talks about this guy, called yuuji sakai 坂井 悠二... who was just a normal guy leading a boring school life... was just walking down the streets one day after a normal school day when he notices a seal of some sort unrevealing itself on the ground beneath his feet, and time stopped suddenly and this huge monster appeared, sucking the existence out of all the people on the street, including one of yuuji's classmates, hanai yukari... only yuuji and the monster were the people moving then... and yuuji was shocked at the entire scene... the monster soon realised that unlike the others, yuuji could move and concluded he's a mistes, and is a unique one... and tried to eat yuuji up. at this moment, a girl with fire-red hair and eyes appeared, and saved yuuji in the nick of time... but before she manage to defeat the monster, yuuji was shocked at how she was going to kill n stood between the monster who had transformed into a woman, and the monster took advantage to stick her hand into yuuji's body to look for the hidden item in yuuji that makes him unique... the girl simply used her long sword n cut through yuuji n the monster...
yuuji thought he would be dead due to blood loss but surprisingly he wasn't bleeding at all... he screams at the girl to call an ambulance... but the girl calmly went up to him and simply put the cut half of his arm together with the rest of the body, and his whole body is back in place...
then the girl returned the whole street to normal by replacing the people who's existence had already been eaten by the monster with torches... everything started moving again... yuuji saw his classmate infront of him walk off with lifeless eyes, and she wouldn't answer him when he calls her... and no one on the street seemed to notice wad had happened... yuuji then chased after the girl with red hair, only to find that her hair is now black...
then the girl reveals to him that he wasn't even human, he was just an object, called a torch, that was put in place of an existence that had been eaten by such monsters they encountered just now... and these torches are there to absorb the impact due to the sudden disappearence of an existence... and so... the real sakai yuuji was dead... the person that had been cut was only a reminder of yuuji's existence and would soon disappear... and all those around him would not have noticed that he was even there before...
how i wish i'm dead just like he is.
this story really get me to start thinking about things in life... the concept of how u might not really be who u r now is really an intriguing one lolx... it makes me wanna know more... and watch more... and of course... the girl with blazing eyes totally rawks! XD she totally kicks butt... XD can't wait for the next episodes to come out... it's so irritating that the american companies have to liscense this anime series the moment it came out -_- siandeds... but so far it has juz started airing in japan a few weeks ago... and it's quite like bleach except i guess shana(the girl with red eyes n hair) is so much more hot! lolz.... but of course ichigo's the best... XD
woah... i had the thought of turning my blog into an anime blog... but looking at how i'm struggling with giving a summary of an anime episode *okies my summary skills sux* i think i can totally forget about it wahahaha~ and besides... i guess i don't have that much patience either... lolz... wow i took 1.5 hours to type this whole thing! *cos i was multitasking - eating dinner watching tv, rewatching 灼眼のシャナ episode 1 to write the summary* all in all... i shouldn't be spending time here when i only have 11 days left for exams!!! and i haven't started studying yet!!! jialats... no mood to study somemore... uninstalled dota but anime's driving me crazy and i'm not going to delete it in anyway... =(
somebody help me!!!
18 October 2005
16 October 2005
what is it that you really want?
don't be afraid for the world you wish for.
when i don't want to do it, u scold me for being irresponsible and stuff.
be afraid for wad?
when i finally do it, you sacarstically comment on how i didn't want to do it and ask me y do it then?
it wouldn't come true in the first place.
then what you want me to do?
go away. i don't need you anymore.
geez. -_- juz make up your mind.
don't be afraid for the world you wish for.
when i don't want to do it, u scold me for being irresponsible and stuff.
be afraid for wad?
when i finally do it, you sacarstically comment on how i didn't want to do it and ask me y do it then?
it wouldn't come true in the first place.
then what you want me to do?
go away. i don't need you anymore.
geez. -_- juz make up your mind.
15 October 2005
09 October 2005
sunday le... time really flies isn't it...
y does it still hurt?
enjoyed myself yesterday... ate alot played alot slacked alot...
go away, i don't need u in my life anymore.
let's see... first in the morning ktv wif my sis... oh well we're not really good singers... but quite furnies we tried to sing duets as in guy gurl duets and we both cmi... lolz... talk abt mo qi... we dun really have cos totally cannot harmonize... siandeds... we either have to have deeper voices or to shrill like some sopranos... lolz *opps my spelling sux*
y do i still dream of u?
after that went to mug abit... did maths and econs tutorial in record speed of less than 2 hours! *supposedly each tutorial takes at least 1 hr... and esp econs i usually take half a night cos i always dun understand the lectures* oh well it sure pays off to go for lectures i actually understand... *winkz* i like my econz tutor/lecturer now... XD
isn't it better if we juz disappear from each other's lives?
then with some worries *wif regards to my schoolwork* put aside... felt more relaxed to enjoy the rest of the day... went to meet pansy n sheila for dinner! at fish & co... so obviously we ate alot of seafood *arr~ all my 同类* haha then we were gossiping at this rudy-look-alike... how he looked super pissed off wif his gf cos they were waiting for such a long time and still couldn't get their seats...
u're enjoying urself, aren't u?
and of course... we attacked the sotongs!!! muahahaha we had like grilled, fried sotongs... plus prawns... heh heh heh and it's quite furnies how we try to eat the prawn from the shell without using hands... sheila always had problems wif her prawns... lolz~ then we ate until we're so full until we almost cannot walk.. hehez...
enjoying how u bring pain to all those who cares.
then went for dessert *ok maybe i was the only one who's really really full* where we went to eat the best tao huay in singapore... hehex~ super duper nice... XD and i kinda wished i neber eat so much at fish n co... cos i no stomach place for tao huay.... for the first time... -_-
stop telling more lies to yourself and others around u.
then gave sheila her prezzie... looks nice on her... hope she really likes it... hehez~ wish her good luck in everything n good luck for upcoming exams... *geez this reminds me i got exam in 3 weeks time sians* n unfortunately sheila wasn't wearing black n white yesterday... she was wearing white top wif blue jeans... -_- but her bag's black... wahaha... so i half right bah... lolz~ n her water bottle is black... we were commenting how it doesn't have a figure like pansy's water bottle has... *but my water bottle worse... fat at the bottom wahahaha~*
i don't need you anymore.
then super duper tireds full n happy... went home... met su weixiang on the way... then me n sheila feel like dian deng pao hehehehez~ tried to siam abit lar... but in the end i went home wif the couple while sheila took nel home... we tried to talk to each other but in the end we're all so tired n brain dead to converse so we juz stared blankly outta the bus window for the rest of the journey... n it was only 10+ at night...
no amount of dota can stop me from thinking anymore.
reach home... time for... WC!!! lolz~ played like crazy again... geez this certainly isn't like a student who has exams in 3 weeks time isn't it...
it still hurts.
y does it still hurt?
enjoyed myself yesterday... ate alot played alot slacked alot...
go away, i don't need u in my life anymore.
let's see... first in the morning ktv wif my sis... oh well we're not really good singers... but quite furnies we tried to sing duets as in guy gurl duets and we both cmi... lolz... talk abt mo qi... we dun really have cos totally cannot harmonize... siandeds... we either have to have deeper voices or to shrill like some sopranos... lolz *opps my spelling sux*
y do i still dream of u?
after that went to mug abit... did maths and econs tutorial in record speed of less than 2 hours! *supposedly each tutorial takes at least 1 hr... and esp econs i usually take half a night cos i always dun understand the lectures* oh well it sure pays off to go for lectures i actually understand... *winkz* i like my econz tutor/lecturer now... XD
isn't it better if we juz disappear from each other's lives?
then with some worries *wif regards to my schoolwork* put aside... felt more relaxed to enjoy the rest of the day... went to meet pansy n sheila for dinner! at fish & co... so obviously we ate alot of seafood *arr~ all my 同类* haha then we were gossiping at this rudy-look-alike... how he looked super pissed off wif his gf cos they were waiting for such a long time and still couldn't get their seats...
u're enjoying urself, aren't u?
and of course... we attacked the sotongs!!! muahahaha we had like grilled, fried sotongs... plus prawns... heh heh heh and it's quite furnies how we try to eat the prawn from the shell without using hands... sheila always had problems wif her prawns... lolz~ then we ate until we're so full until we almost cannot walk.. hehez...
enjoying how u bring pain to all those who cares.
then went for dessert *ok maybe i was the only one who's really really full* where we went to eat the best tao huay in singapore... hehex~ super duper nice... XD and i kinda wished i neber eat so much at fish n co... cos i no stomach place for tao huay.... for the first time... -_-
stop telling more lies to yourself and others around u.
then gave sheila her prezzie... looks nice on her... hope she really likes it... hehez~ wish her good luck in everything n good luck for upcoming exams... *geez this reminds me i got exam in 3 weeks time sians* n unfortunately sheila wasn't wearing black n white yesterday... she was wearing white top wif blue jeans... -_- but her bag's black... wahaha... so i half right bah... lolz~ n her water bottle is black... we were commenting how it doesn't have a figure like pansy's water bottle has... *but my water bottle worse... fat at the bottom wahahaha~*
i don't need you anymore.
then super duper tireds full n happy... went home... met su weixiang on the way... then me n sheila feel like dian deng pao hehehehez~ tried to siam abit lar... but in the end i went home wif the couple while sheila took nel home... we tried to talk to each other but in the end we're all so tired n brain dead to converse so we juz stared blankly outta the bus window for the rest of the journey... n it was only 10+ at night...
no amount of dota can stop me from thinking anymore.
reach home... time for... WC!!! lolz~ played like crazy again... geez this certainly isn't like a student who has exams in 3 weeks time isn't it...
it still hurts.
可惜不是你
这一刻 突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天 今天同时在放映
我这句语气 原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据
差一点 骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己
努力为你改变 却变不了 预留的伏线
以为在你身边 那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天 可是昨天 已非常遥远
但闭上我双眼 我还看得见
可惜不是你 陪我到最后
曾一起走却 走失那路口
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
那一段 我们曾心贴着心
我想我更有权力关心你
可能你 已走进别人风景
多希望 也有 星光的投影
努力为你改变 却变不了 预留的伏线
以为在你身边 那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天 可是昨天 已非常遥远
但闭上我双眼 我还看得见
可惜不是你 陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口
~可惜不是你
梁静茹
i guess it still hurts.
像昨天 今天同时在放映
我这句语气 原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据
差一点 骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己
努力为你改变 却变不了 预留的伏线
以为在你身边 那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天 可是昨天 已非常遥远
但闭上我双眼 我还看得见
可惜不是你 陪我到最后
曾一起走却 走失那路口
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
那一段 我们曾心贴着心
我想我更有权力关心你
可能你 已走进别人风景
多希望 也有 星光的投影
努力为你改变 却变不了 预留的伏线
以为在你身边 那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天 可是昨天 已非常遥远
但闭上我双眼 我还看得见
可惜不是你 陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口
~可惜不是你
梁静茹
i guess it still hurts.
08 October 2005
sat morning... really early i suppose... still have a feeling it's fri night (of course)...
stop telling all ur lies.
tml... so many things to do.. erms... supposed to finish up tutorial and start studying for life science ca in 2 weeks time... plus exams is only 3 weeks away!!! help!
stop saying things when u dun mean it.
going out wif my sis for k lunch laters... wahaha i finally managed to influence her... XD and she has finally discovered the joys of blasting ur voice out on mic in a ktv room hehehehez *talk abt bad influence from sis heh heh hehz~*
i don't need ur lies anymore.
then... dinner wif sheila and pansy... long time neber meet them le... lemme guess... sheila will turn up in... black in white. again... haha let's see if my "prediction" will come true.... haha kinda miss talking to them cos... it's not like u can share ur deeper thoughts wif pple u meet in uni juz like that. i think most pple in uni now would probably agree wif me... the friends u meet in uni are merely hi-bye friends mostly... no one really care to forge strong friendships... especially we all know that we'll only be with each other for like... 1 semester = half a year? lolz... sometimes i really wonder y pple say u meet ur soulmates and ur other half in uni... to me it's juz a bunch of crap cos no one really cares abt each other in uni wahahaha....
stop hurting others while pretending to be sensitive.
n then... when i come back... it'll be a date with dota/tower defense/hero seige? lolz... i wonder wad am i doing when exams are juz 3 weeks away. geez. i need a time out... =S
if u know how it feels like to be in that situation, then stop putting others in that situation.
once again... really like to thank those who really care abt me... pansy sheila kelvin sir seng nico yu chun xiaoli chin hai weixiang su jiayuan lixiang wendee weiling... u guyz really made my day yesterday... =) and of course.. my parents... my sis... no thanks to my brother (haha juz jokings~)
it still hurts.
stop telling all ur lies.
tml... so many things to do.. erms... supposed to finish up tutorial and start studying for life science ca in 2 weeks time... plus exams is only 3 weeks away!!! help!
stop saying things when u dun mean it.
going out wif my sis for k lunch laters... wahaha i finally managed to influence her... XD and she has finally discovered the joys of blasting ur voice out on mic in a ktv room hehehehez *talk abt bad influence from sis heh heh hehz~*
i don't need ur lies anymore.
then... dinner wif sheila and pansy... long time neber meet them le... lemme guess... sheila will turn up in... black in white. again... haha let's see if my "prediction" will come true.... haha kinda miss talking to them cos... it's not like u can share ur deeper thoughts wif pple u meet in uni juz like that. i think most pple in uni now would probably agree wif me... the friends u meet in uni are merely hi-bye friends mostly... no one really care to forge strong friendships... especially we all know that we'll only be with each other for like... 1 semester = half a year? lolz... sometimes i really wonder y pple say u meet ur soulmates and ur other half in uni... to me it's juz a bunch of crap cos no one really cares abt each other in uni wahahaha....
stop hurting others while pretending to be sensitive.
n then... when i come back... it'll be a date with dota/tower defense/hero seige? lolz... i wonder wad am i doing when exams are juz 3 weeks away. geez. i need a time out... =S
if u know how it feels like to be in that situation, then stop putting others in that situation.
once again... really like to thank those who really care abt me... pansy sheila kelvin sir seng nico yu chun xiaoli chin hai weixiang su jiayuan lixiang wendee weiling... u guyz really made my day yesterday... =) and of course.. my parents... my sis... no thanks to my brother (haha juz jokings~)
it still hurts.
05 October 2005
pre-birthday syndrome
every year... at this time... i'll be suffering from the same thing...
pre-birthday syndrome? lolz~
it's a never ending cycle. every year comes and passes without me realising it. and another year just went to waste.
you weren't here last year nor the years before.
perhaps the rainy season is here to stay.
you wouldn't be here tml either.
i hope it doesn't rain tml.
just finished watching the whole of mai-hime anime... it's a great anime... now i wish i could watch it one more time lolz...
supposed to be doing tutorial now... but apparently i don't have the mood.
maybe sleeping early for once is helpful? lolz...
pre-birthday syndrome? lolz~
it's a never ending cycle. every year comes and passes without me realising it. and another year just went to waste.
you weren't here last year nor the years before.
perhaps the rainy season is here to stay.
you wouldn't be here tml either.
i hope it doesn't rain tml.
just finished watching the whole of mai-hime anime... it's a great anime... now i wish i could watch it one more time lolz...
supposed to be doing tutorial now... but apparently i don't have the mood.
maybe sleeping early for once is helpful? lolz...
03 October 2005
i wonder y i'm here...
y am i in uni? y am i studying? do i really enjoy the things i'm doing now?
does time really make memories fade away?
will the things i do really help?
does sleeping and not thinking about anything help at all?
thanks to my kor for his bdae prezzie in advance... and my mum for treating me to sushi... plus my sis for going all the way to suntec with me juz to satisfy my crazy desire for jap food... lolz... hontoni arigatou~
y am i in uni? y am i studying? do i really enjoy the things i'm doing now?
does time really make memories fade away?
will the things i do really help?
does sleeping and not thinking about anything help at all?
thanks to my kor for his bdae prezzie in advance... and my mum for treating me to sushi... plus my sis for going all the way to suntec with me juz to satisfy my crazy desire for jap food... lolz... hontoni arigatou~
30 September 2005
君が空だった
君が空だった
美郷あき迷わないでと言えなかった
届かない想いおある
淋しすぎる笑顔がゆれて
傷をなぞった Lonely good-bye
情熱さえ痛むよ
永遠のかけら追いけて
君が空だった 夢だった
燃えてかける日々を。。。
忘れない思い出にして
その胸を飾ればいい
Search for my life またいつか会えるね
透明な瞳を愛してたよ
今はそれぞれの道 進む゛RESTARTING゛
分かり合えずに 奥に眠る
君の弱さや辛さへ触れてしまった
愚かなほど好きだったのい Time is over
抱きしめてよ
心が消えてしまいそうで怖くて
しがみついた夜に星だけが
私達を見てた。。。
時の中 さだめに巻かれ
舞う羽が願う明日へ
Wishin' for my love 美しく飛ぶから
そっと微笑んできすをして
どこに消えてゆくの？ 優しい声
見上げれば君が空だった
舞う羽が夢だったよ
Wishin' for my love 美しく飛ぶから
駆け抜けた青の時代を
忘れない思い出にして
その胸を飾ればいい
Search for my life またいつか会えるね
透明な瞳を愛してたよ
今はそれぞれの道 進む ゛RESTARTING゛
20 September 2005
19 September 2005
lost
been feeling down since... probably yesterday afternoon... no idea y...
perhaps... it's the realisation that...
i'm lost again.
y am i here? am i here because i want to be? or is it because i had no goal, so i drifted onto this path before me?
just like what junyi was commenting... yah i guess ur right... i probably have no talent to become an engineer... should have taken some other subject shouldn't i... or maybe juz drop out of uni totally and get married and no need to use brain. be some bimbo out there...
no that's not me...
i've got no idea what i'm doing now. i'm not focused on studying... i can't be playing my uni life away spending every single minute of my life when i'm not sleeping on dota servers or on some rpg fantasy... fantasizing how great my life is with those pple who are conceived by humans themselves and do not exist in reality. i'm reliant on pple more than i should be... and somehow i dun understand y i keep sticking to them like some sticky plaster which cannot be flung off. -_- i hate that feeling. i'm independent. i was once independent. but now? what the heck happened to me.
i'm a girl. no i'm not. no girls like to waste their time on msn the moment they reach home... how many girls u see cheonging game all day long? girls are supposed to play with dolls... be bitchy gossipy and go shopping all day long... or girls can stay at home to learn cooking or stitching or do some other feminine stuff. who am i then? tomboyish? but there are parts of me that are not like a guy at all... like guys like to keep it cool and keep things to themselves... but i'm juz like a hot headed little child who can't keep her own secrets (but can keep others' lolz)
and most importantly.... which insane girl takes engineering. -_-
okok i know now society is more open about this... supposedly... more and more girls taking engineering... so i suppose that's okies... but the old conception of engineering are meant for guys still lingers around... not that i'm saying it's discrimination... perhaps it's true then...
maybe i feel disheartened cos... whenever i got probs with my hw last time i could ask my classmates... they'll help one another... but now? when i got prob with hw... pple juz say... tml tutor will go through... so... we go there tml to copy answer lo... yar ur right... but... i juz have the feeling pple can't be bothered to do their tutorials... pple can't be bothered to help those around them... i dunno y i get this feeling maybe i'm wrong... or so i hope...
then i hear from pple like xiaoli how they help each other in their school work... everybody there's so pumped up about studying that they'll ask each other how to do tutorials before lessons.... stuff liddat...
maybe i shouldn't have drifted here...
or maybe i came here by choice. a rather bad choice i'll admit now...
what the hell have i been doing since i left hc?
u're truly gone from my life... my eagerness... motivation to work hard... the passion to keep things going... everything's gone... and i can't find myself...
someone pls pick me up and set me going again... someone pls tell me what i should do...
someone? so i'll end up depending on others.
i'll probably be the first to admit i'm here because of others.
it's ironical that at the end of my 1 week break... i feel... tireds... and no amount of sleep can make it up anymore... i guess no one can help me... not even you.
perhaps... it's the realisation that...
i'm lost again.
y am i here? am i here because i want to be? or is it because i had no goal, so i drifted onto this path before me?
just like what junyi was commenting... yah i guess ur right... i probably have no talent to become an engineer... should have taken some other subject shouldn't i... or maybe juz drop out of uni totally and get married and no need to use brain. be some bimbo out there...
no that's not me...
i've got no idea what i'm doing now. i'm not focused on studying... i can't be playing my uni life away spending every single minute of my life when i'm not sleeping on dota servers or on some rpg fantasy... fantasizing how great my life is with those pple who are conceived by humans themselves and do not exist in reality. i'm reliant on pple more than i should be... and somehow i dun understand y i keep sticking to them like some sticky plaster which cannot be flung off. -_- i hate that feeling. i'm independent. i was once independent. but now? what the heck happened to me.
i'm a girl. no i'm not. no girls like to waste their time on msn the moment they reach home... how many girls u see cheonging game all day long? girls are supposed to play with dolls... be bitchy gossipy and go shopping all day long... or girls can stay at home to learn cooking or stitching or do some other feminine stuff. who am i then? tomboyish? but there are parts of me that are not like a guy at all... like guys like to keep it cool and keep things to themselves... but i'm juz like a hot headed little child who can't keep her own secrets (but can keep others' lolz)
and most importantly.... which insane girl takes engineering. -_-
okok i know now society is more open about this... supposedly... more and more girls taking engineering... so i suppose that's okies... but the old conception of engineering are meant for guys still lingers around... not that i'm saying it's discrimination... perhaps it's true then...
maybe i feel disheartened cos... whenever i got probs with my hw last time i could ask my classmates... they'll help one another... but now? when i got prob with hw... pple juz say... tml tutor will go through... so... we go there tml to copy answer lo... yar ur right... but... i juz have the feeling pple can't be bothered to do their tutorials... pple can't be bothered to help those around them... i dunno y i get this feeling maybe i'm wrong... or so i hope...
then i hear from pple like xiaoli how they help each other in their school work... everybody there's so pumped up about studying that they'll ask each other how to do tutorials before lessons.... stuff liddat...
maybe i shouldn't have drifted here...
or maybe i came here by choice. a rather bad choice i'll admit now...
what the hell have i been doing since i left hc?
u're truly gone from my life... my eagerness... motivation to work hard... the passion to keep things going... everything's gone... and i can't find myself...
someone pls pick me up and set me going again... someone pls tell me what i should do...
someone? so i'll end up depending on others.
i'll probably be the first to admit i'm here because of others.
it's ironical that at the end of my 1 week break... i feel... tireds... and no amount of sleep can make it up anymore... i guess no one can help me... not even you.
16 September 2005
i had a sad dream.
but before that dream, i have to describe my mooncake tasting trip yesterday... was rather excited about it... cos my sis was complaining that mid autumn festival so near le but there's not a single mooncake in our house at all. so my mum decided on this mooncake tasting trip... so that we can eat as many samples as we liked without having to pay... economically this was a rational choice... but morally.... that's a different story.
but heck about the morality of this trip... we had a... rather good time... we went to taka at ard 1+ and started tasting all sorts of mooncakes... there were... hagen dazs ice cream mooncakes... *makes my mouth water* this cranberry fruit mooncake which i got hooked on.... and this mango mooncake that's made from pure mango *duhhz* but it tasted like the real fruit... wahaha... and of course the usual... green tea... custard... black seasame... yam... white lotus paste blah blah blah... eat until i got so sick of the sweet stuff...
and at the fair... everyone else there... mostly those older aunties *i almost called them obasan... hahaha* were like... rushing to the counters for samples... eating them like siao as though eating less they'll have less flesh on their body... then some pushing here and there for samples.... -_-
but i had fun at the trip... :P after being sick for so long... *been coughing as though i got tb for like 3 weeks* i finally got to eat ice cream!!! XD i think my sis was quite pissed at me cos i kept whining to her abt how i crave ice cream when i saw the venetia counter at the fair... and after my mum let me eat *of course i ownself pay wahaha* i continued pestering her to help me decide on the flavour i should eat... hahaha.. and stupid me asked the girl at the counter whether there are like... 3 or 4 flavour cup when she only has max of 2 flavours per cup... wahahaha... -_-
in the end i settled for rum & raisin and raspberry *i din know i had a thing for sour stuff... hehe* and was eating it happily as though i juz entered heaven... then went to rejoin my mum and sis at this stall with all the pickled vege... when... my mum accidentally brushed against this bottle near the edge of the table and the whole bottle juz crashed onto the floor... the stall attendant immediately came and started clearing up the mess... and a small group of pple gathered to watch *ahh all these kaypo pplez... so like human behaviour*
then my mum whispered to me *cos i was nearer to her* let's go...
i was quite... shocked bah.... oh well... i did thought of that... *guilty* budden i thought a better way to resolve this would be to claim responsibility for wad happened though this was an accident to pay for the broken object... economically that was a stupid action... obviously if u juz walked off no one would catch u in the act and demand that u pay... but if i did that i'll be quite bothered by it for the rest of the day... but then... my mum chose to walk off like that... 1st thought that came to my mind was... what sort of example is she setting us? 2nd... should i go back and pay for the broken bottle of pickled vege? all these felt so trival... but i was quite bothered for the whole day though i probably wasn't aware...
i accidentally voiced this out to my sis abt the 1st thought i had... i admit it wasn't a nice thought... then my sis stared at me and juz kept quiet for like the rest of 1 quarter of the trip... then my mum went to this other stall and pissed the stall attendant off by insisting that she wanna buy 1 snow skin mooncake instead of the stall selling minimum 2 snow skin mooncakes... *oh well... actually it's cos of me... i wanted to eat the snow skin black seasame mooncake... =X* and the two of them argued until i got a bit frustrated... if i were her i'll have given in and bought another snow skin mooncake to avoid the argument... but my mum insisted that our house i was the only one who ate snow skin mooncake... *hey i think the others would eat oso lor only that u're imposing this hidden rule on them* and the stall attendant said something along that line too... haha...
in the end the transaction ended quite unhappily with my mum buying the solo black seasame mooncake and the stall attendent juz put the mooncake on a uncovered plastic holder and put it in the plastic bag... i wondered if the stalls could be a little more flexible... and i wondered if it'll be better to have avoided the argument by simply purchasing 2 mooncakes... haiz... but nevertherless i got more upset at my mum...
then we went for toilet break.. *or at least my mum did* then me and my sis *she hasn't spoken a thing since i bugged her abt ice cream and gave the comment abt my mum* both of us went to this shop which sells loads of jap stuff... clothes... soft toys... and sunglasses... she picked up one and put it on... and i commented she looked like chanel from jue dui superstar... and then she commented... get it for me lor... hahaha...
then my mum and sis went home while i went toa payoh for tuition...
and now... onto my dream... i feel somehow it had to do with my day... the unhappiness towards my mum... the solitaire mystery book i read before i slept... my life as a uni student... blah blah blah...
i think i dreamt about the future... not that i was aware in the dream itself... i dreamt that... it was national day... at first i was in shianchi's house... chatting happily with her... i dreamt i had a small red car... those lao pok kind... i knew how to drive but i sux at it... and kelvin who had once hitched a ride on the car commented how lousy my driving was... wahahaha!!!
and the most important thing... my mum was no longer around...
instead... perhaps my mum had died... then my dad stopped working... started drinking... hated all women in the world until he met this girl who somehow managed to calm him down and make him smile.. yes he remarried again... but died a few years later... this new stepmum... i couldn't say she's a great woman --- in fact she was so horrible that she threw me my sis and my brother out of the house straight after my dad left this world... yeap... so we were homeless... and i had my small little red car...
i was at this arcade play ddr alone... i placed my wallet, and handphone on the machine and started playing... when this indian walking by all of a sudden grabbed my wallet! i immediately stopped playing and ran after the indian... i shouted on the top of my voice to let those around us hear that he took my wallet and demanded he return it to me... he said what? what wallet? that's my wallet... and i was like... ha... if it's ur wallet take it out and show everyone wad's inside... and he somehow switched my wallet in his hand with his own wallet... as though it's some magic trick... and everyone looked at me as though i was some crazy girl who was homeless and desperate for money... and so i lost my wallet with about 80 bucks my ezlink and my ic...
how could the world be this unfair? i thought silently to myself... i didn't cry then... but probably cos it was only a dream... if it really happened to me in real life i would have juz broke down and cried...
then i went back to my car... met up with my bro and sis and we went to visit our step mum's home... i had one more step sister... she was about 2 years younger than my brother if i didn't remember wrongly... i had something to tell her from uni... from the uni professors and stuff... so the three of us stood outside the house...waiting for her to reach home... we sat on the stairs outside the house... and started cooking maggie noodles to eat... it didn't occur to me then... but now that i think of it... y did things turn out that way? it seemed so... pitiful... national day... festival leh... supposed to be happy day and yet we were so pitiful no home to return to...
and so my step sis returned and once she saw the three of us at the door she gasped and immediately shooed us away while she opened the door and went in and shut the door without letting us in... i protested and said i had something to tell her from our uni... and she said... well u can always call my house... she was being difficult in my opinion cos i had already arrived at her house i juz wanted to talk to her to deliver a message and there she was telling me to call her house when i was juz outside... wad did me and my siblings do to deserve such hatred from her? and from our step mum? i had no idea...
but i didn't give up... so i started shouting outside the door.. telling her wad happened at lectures... the interesting interesting bits of things which got her interested... and she surprisingly... opened the door to ask for what happened next... and then she blushed... and said quietly... alright come in but dun let my mum know i let u in... i entered and finished my business there with her... and thought... perhaps the reason y our step sis din let us in was cos our step mum kept indoctrinating her about hate towards us... never let us into their house... stuff like that... while she personally didn't really agree... but she had to comply cos our step mum was her real mum...
and then i wondered y issit that my dad could fall in love with such a horrible woman... a woman that's horrible to his kids...
and all of a sudden my handphone rang... it's the mum of my tutee whom i had stood outside the door of their house for 1 hour when i juz gave up and left... she called up to tell me that she wanted to cancel yesterday's tuition cos her daughter was home late... and she had the nerve to call me now when i waited 1 hour outside the door? wad's the point of calling then. maybe she's scared i'll charge her for the lesson yesterday?
i got skeptical at all the people in my dreamworld. y are all the people there so self centered? i juz couldn't believe it...
and with that... i drove our little red car out of the carpark near my step mum's house to decide where me and my siblings should spend for the rest of the holiday...
and then i woke up and realised that my life in reality was so much better than life in my dream... that my mum was so nice to me despite all the little trival things i disagree with her now... and i silently pray that what happened in the dream was not a foresight of what's going to happen in the future... it's a scary dream alright... but i couldn't believe i could dream of something so detailed like that... i could probably write a book about this single dream itself... haha.... n considering i dream every night by the end of my life i'll probably have written more than 5000 books from my dreams each night... lolz!
and on a side note... wow this entry took me 1 hour to type.. -_- and so i have 1 less hour to cheong for my tutorials... -_- back to reality, sotongz... -_-
but before that dream, i have to describe my mooncake tasting trip yesterday... was rather excited about it... cos my sis was complaining that mid autumn festival so near le but there's not a single mooncake in our house at all. so my mum decided on this mooncake tasting trip... so that we can eat as many samples as we liked without having to pay... economically this was a rational choice... but morally.... that's a different story.
but heck about the morality of this trip... we had a... rather good time... we went to taka at ard 1+ and started tasting all sorts of mooncakes... there were... hagen dazs ice cream mooncakes... *makes my mouth water* this cranberry fruit mooncake which i got hooked on.... and this mango mooncake that's made from pure mango *duhhz* but it tasted like the real fruit... wahaha... and of course the usual... green tea... custard... black seasame... yam... white lotus paste blah blah blah... eat until i got so sick of the sweet stuff...
and at the fair... everyone else there... mostly those older aunties *i almost called them obasan... hahaha* were like... rushing to the counters for samples... eating them like siao as though eating less they'll have less flesh on their body... then some pushing here and there for samples.... -_-
but i had fun at the trip... :P after being sick for so long... *been coughing as though i got tb for like 3 weeks* i finally got to eat ice cream!!! XD i think my sis was quite pissed at me cos i kept whining to her abt how i crave ice cream when i saw the venetia counter at the fair... and after my mum let me eat *of course i ownself pay wahaha* i continued pestering her to help me decide on the flavour i should eat... hahaha.. and stupid me asked the girl at the counter whether there are like... 3 or 4 flavour cup when she only has max of 2 flavours per cup... wahahaha... -_-
in the end i settled for rum & raisin and raspberry *i din know i had a thing for sour stuff... hehe* and was eating it happily as though i juz entered heaven... then went to rejoin my mum and sis at this stall with all the pickled vege... when... my mum accidentally brushed against this bottle near the edge of the table and the whole bottle juz crashed onto the floor... the stall attendant immediately came and started clearing up the mess... and a small group of pple gathered to watch *ahh all these kaypo pplez... so like human behaviour*
then my mum whispered to me *cos i was nearer to her* let's go...
i was quite... shocked bah.... oh well... i did thought of that... *guilty* budden i thought a better way to resolve this would be to claim responsibility for wad happened though this was an accident to pay for the broken object... economically that was a stupid action... obviously if u juz walked off no one would catch u in the act and demand that u pay... but if i did that i'll be quite bothered by it for the rest of the day... but then... my mum chose to walk off like that... 1st thought that came to my mind was... what sort of example is she setting us? 2nd... should i go back and pay for the broken bottle of pickled vege? all these felt so trival... but i was quite bothered for the whole day though i probably wasn't aware...
i accidentally voiced this out to my sis abt the 1st thought i had... i admit it wasn't a nice thought... then my sis stared at me and juz kept quiet for like the rest of 1 quarter of the trip... then my mum went to this other stall and pissed the stall attendant off by insisting that she wanna buy 1 snow skin mooncake instead of the stall selling minimum 2 snow skin mooncakes... *oh well... actually it's cos of me... i wanted to eat the snow skin black seasame mooncake... =X* and the two of them argued until i got a bit frustrated... if i were her i'll have given in and bought another snow skin mooncake to avoid the argument... but my mum insisted that our house i was the only one who ate snow skin mooncake... *hey i think the others would eat oso lor only that u're imposing this hidden rule on them* and the stall attendant said something along that line too... haha...
in the end the transaction ended quite unhappily with my mum buying the solo black seasame mooncake and the stall attendent juz put the mooncake on a uncovered plastic holder and put it in the plastic bag... i wondered if the stalls could be a little more flexible... and i wondered if it'll be better to have avoided the argument by simply purchasing 2 mooncakes... haiz... but nevertherless i got more upset at my mum...
then we went for toilet break.. *or at least my mum did* then me and my sis *she hasn't spoken a thing since i bugged her abt ice cream and gave the comment abt my mum* both of us went to this shop which sells loads of jap stuff... clothes... soft toys... and sunglasses... she picked up one and put it on... and i commented she looked like chanel from jue dui superstar... and then she commented... get it for me lor... hahaha...
then my mum and sis went home while i went toa payoh for tuition...
and now... onto my dream... i feel somehow it had to do with my day... the unhappiness towards my mum... the solitaire mystery book i read before i slept... my life as a uni student... blah blah blah...
i think i dreamt about the future... not that i was aware in the dream itself... i dreamt that... it was national day... at first i was in shianchi's house... chatting happily with her... i dreamt i had a small red car... those lao pok kind... i knew how to drive but i sux at it... and kelvin who had once hitched a ride on the car commented how lousy my driving was... wahahaha!!!
and the most important thing... my mum was no longer around...
instead... perhaps my mum had died... then my dad stopped working... started drinking... hated all women in the world until he met this girl who somehow managed to calm him down and make him smile.. yes he remarried again... but died a few years later... this new stepmum... i couldn't say she's a great woman --- in fact she was so horrible that she threw me my sis and my brother out of the house straight after my dad left this world... yeap... so we were homeless... and i had my small little red car...
i was at this arcade play ddr alone... i placed my wallet, and handphone on the machine and started playing... when this indian walking by all of a sudden grabbed my wallet! i immediately stopped playing and ran after the indian... i shouted on the top of my voice to let those around us hear that he took my wallet and demanded he return it to me... he said what? what wallet? that's my wallet... and i was like... ha... if it's ur wallet take it out and show everyone wad's inside... and he somehow switched my wallet in his hand with his own wallet... as though it's some magic trick... and everyone looked at me as though i was some crazy girl who was homeless and desperate for money... and so i lost my wallet with about 80 bucks my ezlink and my ic...
how could the world be this unfair? i thought silently to myself... i didn't cry then... but probably cos it was only a dream... if it really happened to me in real life i would have juz broke down and cried...
then i went back to my car... met up with my bro and sis and we went to visit our step mum's home... i had one more step sister... she was about 2 years younger than my brother if i didn't remember wrongly... i had something to tell her from uni... from the uni professors and stuff... so the three of us stood outside the house...waiting for her to reach home... we sat on the stairs outside the house... and started cooking maggie noodles to eat... it didn't occur to me then... but now that i think of it... y did things turn out that way? it seemed so... pitiful... national day... festival leh... supposed to be happy day and yet we were so pitiful no home to return to...
and so my step sis returned and once she saw the three of us at the door she gasped and immediately shooed us away while she opened the door and went in and shut the door without letting us in... i protested and said i had something to tell her from our uni... and she said... well u can always call my house... she was being difficult in my opinion cos i had already arrived at her house i juz wanted to talk to her to deliver a message and there she was telling me to call her house when i was juz outside... wad did me and my siblings do to deserve such hatred from her? and from our step mum? i had no idea...
but i didn't give up... so i started shouting outside the door.. telling her wad happened at lectures... the interesting interesting bits of things which got her interested... and she surprisingly... opened the door to ask for what happened next... and then she blushed... and said quietly... alright come in but dun let my mum know i let u in... i entered and finished my business there with her... and thought... perhaps the reason y our step sis din let us in was cos our step mum kept indoctrinating her about hate towards us... never let us into their house... stuff like that... while she personally didn't really agree... but she had to comply cos our step mum was her real mum...
and then i wondered y issit that my dad could fall in love with such a horrible woman... a woman that's horrible to his kids...
and all of a sudden my handphone rang... it's the mum of my tutee whom i had stood outside the door of their house for 1 hour when i juz gave up and left... she called up to tell me that she wanted to cancel yesterday's tuition cos her daughter was home late... and she had the nerve to call me now when i waited 1 hour outside the door? wad's the point of calling then. maybe she's scared i'll charge her for the lesson yesterday?
i got skeptical at all the people in my dreamworld. y are all the people there so self centered? i juz couldn't believe it...
and with that... i drove our little red car out of the carpark near my step mum's house to decide where me and my siblings should spend for the rest of the holiday...
and then i woke up and realised that my life in reality was so much better than life in my dream... that my mum was so nice to me despite all the little trival things i disagree with her now... and i silently pray that what happened in the dream was not a foresight of what's going to happen in the future... it's a scary dream alright... but i couldn't believe i could dream of something so detailed like that... i could probably write a book about this single dream itself... haha.... n considering i dream every night by the end of my life i'll probably have written more than 5000 books from my dreams each night... lolz!
and on a side note... wow this entry took me 1 hour to type.. -_- and so i have 1 less hour to cheong for my tutorials... -_- back to reality, sotongz... -_-
04 September 2005
if only i have not made the choice to go somewhere else...
if only i had not met u.
i'd rather have continued to stay where i was...
and need not undergo such joy and pain of knowing u.
i'll probably still be stumbling around, just like myself.
and would not daze off in the middle of huge exciting conversations.
i would have been much happier...
though i admit it really made my heart warm when i see you
i would probably be chatting with huge groups of friends...
and would not be crying late in the night
i might be smiling more...
but can't help to look to see if ur smiling with me
pple might be happier without me around...
and you probably wouldn't have those false smiles pasted on your face everytime you meet our friends
i wish there was never me...
and i wished i could still remember the wonderful memories i had with you
but time passes and i am beginning to forget...
all your smiles, the little things you did that made me happy
the reason for me to be happy...
is because you are happy
i am happy now. i really am.
but are you? if you are then everything's worth it.
i wish others aren't so nice to me.
i'm not worth it.
i wish i wouldn't bring trouble to those around me.
i wish i wouldn't make you upset.
in the end i always did.
in the end, i realised we're not in each others' future.
and so... maybe... it's better off without me.
wishing all the best to you
wishing all the best to everyone out there...
if only i had not met u.
i'd rather have continued to stay where i was...
and need not undergo such joy and pain of knowing u.
i'll probably still be stumbling around, just like myself.
and would not daze off in the middle of huge exciting conversations.
i would have been much happier...
though i admit it really made my heart warm when i see you
i would probably be chatting with huge groups of friends...
and would not be crying late in the night
i might be smiling more...
but can't help to look to see if ur smiling with me
pple might be happier without me around...
and you probably wouldn't have those false smiles pasted on your face everytime you meet our friends
i wish there was never me...
and i wished i could still remember the wonderful memories i had with you
but time passes and i am beginning to forget...
all your smiles, the little things you did that made me happy
the reason for me to be happy...
is because you are happy
i am happy now. i really am.
but are you? if you are then everything's worth it.
i wish others aren't so nice to me.
i'm not worth it.
i wish i wouldn't bring trouble to those around me.
i wish i wouldn't make you upset.
in the end i always did.
in the end, i realised we're not in each others' future.
and so... maybe... it's better off without me.
wishing all the best to you
wishing all the best to everyone out there...
31 August 2005
feeling slightly better today.... was having a fever yesterday and kept popping panadol... pon lectures in the morning yesterday to get more sleep so today bo bian unless super ultra sick or else muz go lecture in the morning... despite sleeping late last night cos cannot get to sleep.. somehow i woke up super early in the morning and was 1 of the first few to reach the lt... zZz....
boring lectures as usual... but the journey home was kinda frustrating... cos feeling a bit tireds le... den at interchange waiting for 945 the bus took so long *like probably 20min to come* and i got quite fed up lar... cos i wanted to go home and sleep badly before my tuition laters.... at that point in time i was seriously thinking of going to their office there to complain... hahaha... so now i finally realise y some pple like to complain alot... hahaha...
on the bus... saw these 4 boys... think sec 1 bah... quite small size... overheard their conversation which was quite furnies... okies boys and gurls, ladies and gentlemen.... point ur right finger to ur stomach and say M.... next move ur finger up a little and say T... then continue moving ur finger up all the way to ur forehead and keep repeating the words M and T...
since the bus took such a long time to come... the bus was really crowded... at the first stop everybody was squeezed like packed sardines and more primary school students boarded the bus... then there was this really loud auntie whose hair was juz starting to turn white... as the bus started moving she started complaining infront of another 4 hillgrove sec boys... 现在的年轻人啊。。。已经不懂得什么势礼貌了。。。巴士挤，年轻人坐、老人站。。。 then one of the hillgrove boys was like buay tahan... started saying... 好啦。。。让你坐吧。。。 and the 阿婆 said... 坐哪里？坐你的腿？ then the guy quite pissed off by the way the 阿婆 say things ar... den he replied...放屁~ and the 阿婆 said... 哇。。。很臭！
dunno y lar... i was kinda pissed by that 阿婆 cos 1. she no need talk so loudly on the whole bus until everybody can hear... 2. pple nice to u when u complain pple let u take seat then u still act hard to please for wad. -_- seriously speaking... if i were the guy i juz pretend i ang mo dun understand wad she say lar... and btw... when she talk abt 年轻人坐、老人站 she ownself admit she old hor. and her hair wasn't totally white lor... so she wasn't that old... -_-
budden the hillgrove guy shouldn't have said 放屁 lar... that's being disrespectful...
but seriously speaking... if anyone were to meet with such a situation how would u react? hmms... that's something i'm pondering now... -_-
aniwae... in the end... i got off at the next stop... so the 阿婆 squeeze all the way to my seat there and sat down... so i guess everything was resolved... -_-
boring lectures as usual... but the journey home was kinda frustrating... cos feeling a bit tireds le... den at interchange waiting for 945 the bus took so long *like probably 20min to come* and i got quite fed up lar... cos i wanted to go home and sleep badly before my tuition laters.... at that point in time i was seriously thinking of going to their office there to complain... hahaha... so now i finally realise y some pple like to complain alot... hahaha...
on the bus... saw these 4 boys... think sec 1 bah... quite small size... overheard their conversation which was quite furnies... okies boys and gurls, ladies and gentlemen.... point ur right finger to ur stomach and say M.... next move ur finger up a little and say T... then continue moving ur finger up all the way to ur forehead and keep repeating the words M and T...
since the bus took such a long time to come... the bus was really crowded... at the first stop everybody was squeezed like packed sardines and more primary school students boarded the bus... then there was this really loud auntie whose hair was juz starting to turn white... as the bus started moving she started complaining infront of another 4 hillgrove sec boys... 现在的年轻人啊。。。已经不懂得什么势礼貌了。。。巴士挤，年轻人坐、老人站。。。 then one of the hillgrove boys was like buay tahan... started saying... 好啦。。。让你坐吧。。。 and the 阿婆 said... 坐哪里？坐你的腿？ then the guy quite pissed off by the way the 阿婆 say things ar... den he replied...放屁~ and the 阿婆 said... 哇。。。很臭！
dunno y lar... i was kinda pissed by that 阿婆 cos 1. she no need talk so loudly on the whole bus until everybody can hear... 2. pple nice to u when u complain pple let u take seat then u still act hard to please for wad. -_- seriously speaking... if i were the guy i juz pretend i ang mo dun understand wad she say lar... and btw... when she talk abt 年轻人坐、老人站 she ownself admit she old hor. and her hair wasn't totally white lor... so she wasn't that old... -_-
budden the hillgrove guy shouldn't have said 放屁 lar... that's being disrespectful...
but seriously speaking... if anyone were to meet with such a situation how would u react? hmms... that's something i'm pondering now... -_-
aniwae... in the end... i got off at the next stop... so the 阿婆 squeeze all the way to my seat there and sat down... so i guess everything was resolved... -_-
29 August 2005
you don't need to die to be forgotten...
the flu bug is quite contagious these days... pple start coughing and sneezing during tutorials classes *which is the only class i had todae* and after sitting beside shing yeong last thurs... poor meng bin on her left was in quite a bad shape today... sneezing and blowing his nose as though as he's a girl crying after watching some korean drama... and to her right... was me... with a terrible sore throat... and the next target shall be...... heh...
supposedly cos of our 50th anniversary.... lessons are cancelled in the afternoon... and it took me 1 hour to travel to school, less than 1 hour of econs tutorial... and 2 hours to get home cos everybody was trying to squeeze onto the 179 bus and rush home on their early day off... -_- got stranded on ntu campus for 1 hour lo.. that's record breaking...
this is NOT the optimal equilibrium, according to the principle of economics... since the opportunity cost of me turning up for econs tutorial far outweighs the benefit i gain from it... (since i only gain less than 1 hour worth of knowledge and lose 3 hours of precious time) by cost benefit principle which is a fundemental concept in economics i should make the most rational choice of poning econs tutorial. so i shouldn't have turned up in school todae... and tell my econs tutor that i'm simply applying knowledge i learnt in econs to my everyday life and in fact he should award me for having mastered this concept. ha~
and when i reached home... yuchun came online and asked me whether i was going for the 50th anniversary celebrations talk of some sort... with lee hsien loong coming as guest speaker... and actually we were supposed to turn up or something... i was puzzled cos i wasn't informed or anything... then she asked me... y u think our afternoon lessons were cancelled for? and i replied... for us to go home lor... heh~ the irony is that she was oso at home at the point in time when she was chatting with me... hahahaha~
yar. that's school life for u. -_-
------------------------------------------------------------
the flu bug is quite contagious these days... pple start coughing and sneezing during tutorials classes *which is the only class i had todae* and after sitting beside shing yeong last thurs... poor meng bin on her left was in quite a bad shape today... sneezing and blowing his nose as though as he's a girl crying after watching some korean drama... and to her right... was me... with a terrible sore throat... and the next target shall be...... heh...
supposedly cos of our 50th anniversary.... lessons are cancelled in the afternoon... and it took me 1 hour to travel to school, less than 1 hour of econs tutorial... and 2 hours to get home cos everybody was trying to squeeze onto the 179 bus and rush home on their early day off... -_- got stranded on ntu campus for 1 hour lo.. that's record breaking...
this is NOT the optimal equilibrium, according to the principle of economics... since the opportunity cost of me turning up for econs tutorial far outweighs the benefit i gain from it... (since i only gain less than 1 hour worth of knowledge and lose 3 hours of precious time) by cost benefit principle which is a fundemental concept in economics i should make the most rational choice of poning econs tutorial. so i shouldn't have turned up in school todae... and tell my econs tutor that i'm simply applying knowledge i learnt in econs to my everyday life and in fact he should award me for having mastered this concept. ha~
and when i reached home... yuchun came online and asked me whether i was going for the 50th anniversary celebrations talk of some sort... with lee hsien loong coming as guest speaker... and actually we were supposed to turn up or something... i was puzzled cos i wasn't informed or anything... then she asked me... y u think our afternoon lessons were cancelled for? and i replied... for us to go home lor... heh~ the irony is that she was oso at home at the point in time when she was chatting with me... hahahaha~
yar. that's school life for u. -_-
你快乐吗？
你说你不快乐。
说什么。。。想拥有自由、做出自己喜欢的选择。。。结果最后整天唠叨。。。说得不到幸福。。。其实幸福就在你身旁，只是你连看都不看它一眼。。。继续沉浸在自我同情中。。。
那着跟你当初下定决心，离开伤心地时的你有什么分别？干脆不用作出任何举动。。。继续留在苦海中。这不是你。真正的你是个我行我素、不让周围的人影响的你。那又何必装难过呢？是想博取别人的同情？还是博取自己的同情？
或许你说我没资格说你。没资格有怎样？就像你一样。。。我爱说什么就说。这就是我的性格。就好像你。。。爱说话的时候才开口，不想说的时候就保持沉默，从不须顾虑到别人的感受。这种生活多么轻松。。。就算被别人丢丑鸡蛋也无所谓。。。因为这就是你。这也就是我。
我也终于明白为什么我会如此在乎。。。原来我们是那么不同，却又是那么相同。要是没有遇见你，那该多好。。。
你说你不快乐。
说什么。。。想拥有自由、做出自己喜欢的选择。。。结果最后整天唠叨。。。说得不到幸福。。。其实幸福就在你身旁，只是你连看都不看它一眼。。。继续沉浸在自我同情中。。。
那着跟你当初下定决心，离开伤心地时的你有什么分别？干脆不用作出任何举动。。。继续留在苦海中。这不是你。真正的你是个我行我素、不让周围的人影响的你。那又何必装难过呢？是想博取别人的同情？还是博取自己的同情？
或许你说我没资格说你。没资格有怎样？就像你一样。。。我爱说什么就说。这就是我的性格。就好像你。。。爱说话的时候才开口，不想说的时候就保持沉默，从不须顾虑到别人的感受。这种生活多么轻松。。。就算被别人丢丑鸡蛋也无所谓。。。因为这就是你。这也就是我。
我也终于明白为什么我会如此在乎。。。原来我们是那么不同，却又是那么相同。要是没有遇见你，那该多好。。。
24 August 2005
forever like that
nothing ever changes
it's just him
or maybe it was me
being too noisy
as usual
just like that
we're always like that
nothing more, nothing less
moving forward brings pain
stepping back brings sorrow
frozen in the stagnant world
staring at how the sun rises and sets each day
looking at how places age with time
unmoving, unfeeling
unable to do a thing
u're right
i can't forget
those happy and sad memories
what about u
perhaps we're both the same
limiting ourselves to make ourselves feel better
telling ourselves we're trying to spare others of pain
but in actual fact denying how we're afraid to be hurt again
and so we stay stuck up in our facades
building the wall around us
on one hand hoping someone would be able to break through
on the other hand constantly shutting those who come close
loneliness shouldn't be a reason why people are together
love shouldn't arise from trial and error of partners
too many sad endings too little smiles
how many relationships actually survive the trial of time?
i'm sick of hearing sad stories
we want more happy endings
just like those soap operas
where all couples live happily ever after
where all tears cease to flow
where all rainy days end with a huge rainbow across the sky
i shouldn't have raised my voice
it wasn't your fault
i just couldn't let go
the pain's too great
but that's not an excuse
it's not justified
i must have hurt u quite a bit
i just couldn't hold my temper
pls forgive me my dear friend
nothing ever changes
it's just him
or maybe it was me
being too noisy
as usual
just like that
we're always like that
nothing more, nothing less
moving forward brings pain
stepping back brings sorrow
frozen in the stagnant world
staring at how the sun rises and sets each day
looking at how places age with time
unmoving, unfeeling
unable to do a thing
u're right
i can't forget
those happy and sad memories
what about u
perhaps we're both the same
limiting ourselves to make ourselves feel better
telling ourselves we're trying to spare others of pain
but in actual fact denying how we're afraid to be hurt again
and so we stay stuck up in our facades
building the wall around us
on one hand hoping someone would be able to break through
on the other hand constantly shutting those who come close
loneliness shouldn't be a reason why people are together
love shouldn't arise from trial and error of partners
too many sad endings too little smiles
how many relationships actually survive the trial of time?
i'm sick of hearing sad stories
we want more happy endings
just like those soap operas
where all couples live happily ever after
where all tears cease to flow
where all rainy days end with a huge rainbow across the sky
i shouldn't have raised my voice
it wasn't your fault
i just couldn't let go
the pain's too great
but that's not an excuse
it's not justified
i must have hurt u quite a bit
i just couldn't hold my temper
pls forgive me my dear friend
21 August 2005
いま、会いにゆきます
after so much struggle... saying how romance movies should never be watched alone but with either your loved one or ur closest friends...
i finally gave up and bought the vcd and watched at home alone. -__-
the title of the movie is called いま、会いにゆきます, translated to chinese 借着雨点说爱你, translated to english be with you... and even though i knew the entire plot cos i pester my kor to tell me... in the end it was a great movie nevertherless... made me cry like a crybaby... once the movie started my tears started rolling liao... quite embarrassing... so... oh well... good thing i watched alone... hehehe~
it had been a long time since i had been so absorbed by a movie or anything... i usually start munching on tidbits non-stop once i start watching a show but this time i left the food alone... lolz... besides... it's a long time since i teared for a good movie... =) not cos it's time to cry cos it's a sad ending... but cos it's so beautiful yet so... 凄美... so my 眼泪像一个关不上的水龙头流个不停... then my mum was nagging at me while i was crying at the movie... -_- quite contradictory lar.... siandeds... should have watched in theatre or something... =(
and finally todae i reached to a conclusion on certain stuff... like when and who are allowed on movie dates... (hahaha~) and heartiest wishes to the couples out there... to be with each other till death do they part... =)
i finally gave up and bought the vcd and watched at home alone. -__-
the title of the movie is called いま、会いにゆきます, translated to chinese 借着雨点说爱你, translated to english be with you... and even though i knew the entire plot cos i pester my kor to tell me... in the end it was a great movie nevertherless... made me cry like a crybaby... once the movie started my tears started rolling liao... quite embarrassing... so... oh well... good thing i watched alone... hehehe~
it had been a long time since i had been so absorbed by a movie or anything... i usually start munching on tidbits non-stop once i start watching a show but this time i left the food alone... lolz... besides... it's a long time since i teared for a good movie... =) not cos it's time to cry cos it's a sad ending... but cos it's so beautiful yet so... 凄美... so my 眼泪像一个关不上的水龙头流个不停... then my mum was nagging at me while i was crying at the movie... -_- quite contradictory lar.... siandeds... should have watched in theatre or something... =(
and finally todae i reached to a conclusion on certain stuff... like when and who are allowed on movie dates... (hahaha~) and heartiest wishes to the couples out there... to be with each other till death do they part... =)
20 August 2005
stop probing about my private life. if you have not been told directly by me it means 1. i don't want others to know and 2. you have no need to know. so stop questioning me. you wouldn't grow 10cm taller or grow more handsome/chio when u know all the juicy juicy bits of my life. besides it doesn't concern you a single bit. so juz buzz off and leave me alone.
and those people who can decide to dao other pple's sms juz cos they don't want to fulfil what they had said before... i've got nothing to say. at least an excuse would make things better, but oh well, if that's the way you view your "promise" and your friendship i'm sad for you cos u'll probably lose some friends in the process.
ya i'm tired of all those hypocritical stuff. what is it of friendship now? it makes me more convinced of what i thought of friendship beforehand though i would love to have been proven wrong. then i guess... that's... juz too bad.
so juz let me live in my secluded drain and dun come and disturb me. -_- when the rain has cleared then maybe i'll consider coming out.
and those people who can decide to dao other pple's sms juz cos they don't want to fulfil what they had said before... i've got nothing to say. at least an excuse would make things better, but oh well, if that's the way you view your "promise" and your friendship i'm sad for you cos u'll probably lose some friends in the process.
ya i'm tired of all those hypocritical stuff. what is it of friendship now? it makes me more convinced of what i thought of friendship beforehand though i would love to have been proven wrong. then i guess... that's... juz too bad.
so juz let me live in my secluded drain and dun come and disturb me. -_- when the rain has cleared then maybe i'll consider coming out.
15 August 2005
爱情主义
爱情主义
--- 张荣华
现实的人的爱情观
如果爱情有个保用期限，那会是多长呢？
如果爱情在保用期变质，那又该找谁算帐？
如果我身上只剩$10，我会把一半分给你，另一半留给自己。
浪漫主义的人的爱情观
如果爱情有个保用期限，那会是永远。
如果爱情在保用期变质，那是不可能发生的事。
如果我身上只剩$10，我会花$9.95买一朵玫瑰花；再用剩下的$0.05 SMS 一句“我爱你”。
懒惰的人的爱情观
如果爱情有个保用期限，那就别爱吧!
如果爱情在保用期变质，那就别爱吧！
如果我身上只剩$10，那就别爱吧！
本地人的爱清观
如果爱情有个保用期限 - 爱情有不是电器，要保用期来干嘛？
如果爱情在保用期变质 - 那就算你“衰”咯。
如果我身上只剩$10 - 那我会到ATM按多一点钱出来。
--- 张荣华
现实的人的爱情观
如果爱情有个保用期限，那会是多长呢？
如果爱情在保用期变质，那又该找谁算帐？
如果我身上只剩$10，我会把一半分给你，另一半留给自己。
浪漫主义的人的爱情观
如果爱情有个保用期限，那会是永远。
如果爱情在保用期变质，那是不可能发生的事。
如果我身上只剩$10，我会花$9.95买一朵玫瑰花；再用剩下的$0.05 SMS 一句“我爱你”。
懒惰的人的爱情观
如果爱情有个保用期限，那就别爱吧!
如果爱情在保用期变质，那就别爱吧！
如果我身上只剩$10，那就别爱吧！
本地人的爱清观
如果爱情有个保用期限 - 爱情有不是电器，要保用期来干嘛？
如果爱情在保用期变质 - 那就算你“衰”咯。
如果我身上只剩$10 - 那我会到ATM按多一点钱出来。
13 August 2005
08 August 2005
how far will ur principles take you to? how much will u stick to your own ideals as time goes by?
sometimes... as times go by, your ideals no longer "stand" in the current society... people may view your principles as being old-fashioned, rigid, and inpractical...
and sometimes indeed... upholding your principles is tiring, tedious, and time-consuming...
how long will you be able to stand by those principles you set for yourself in the beginning? or to let them simply detoriate as time passes?
no point being so stubborn about certain issues in life... in the ever fast moving world, there's no place for "old" traditional values to stand... we are no longer punctual, we bend the rules as and when we like... we decide for ourselves what rules have to be followed, what rules aren't rules at all... as individualistic ideas take root in our very society... where have the traditional values of filial piety etc gone to? people no longer see taking care of their eldery parents as being mandatory... "they have the ability to take care of themselves..." these people argued...
but of course... when such insidious effects of individualism get to them... they'll realise how foolish they are. when they're all alone, frail and vulnerable... when their very own children whom they showered care and love for decide to abandon them and lead their own lives.
how long will you remember those painful times when u had to part with your friends? saying that u'll never forget them? how long will you remember those friends who have parted their ways with you?
we used to say that at every parting... when we were young... as soon as we could understand language... but how well would our memory work for us? would u remember your primary school friends? secondary school mates? or anyone who has crossed your life and made even a small difference in your life?
seriously speaking... we would only remember someone when we need help from that person. when that person has some form of "use" for us in the near future. then again... what is friendship? is it just a convienient means for us to exploit the strengths of others for our own benefit?
and after that person's usefulness ended for you, u'll convieniently forget them.
where did the old saying of 为朋友两肋插刀 go to when you don't even remember your friends?
and of course... our favourite topic... love... would you still believe in 天长地久 when the rest of the youth population believe love to be a result of a shopping trip for the best traits they would wish for their potential partner? and of course when they realise that they "bought" the wrong package they throw you away like some junk? what is true love then in our present society?
i can imagine kelvin going... "very bad... very bad..."
sometimes... as times go by, your ideals no longer "stand" in the current society... people may view your principles as being old-fashioned, rigid, and inpractical...
and sometimes indeed... upholding your principles is tiring, tedious, and time-consuming...
how long will you be able to stand by those principles you set for yourself in the beginning? or to let them simply detoriate as time passes?
no point being so stubborn about certain issues in life... in the ever fast moving world, there's no place for "old" traditional values to stand... we are no longer punctual, we bend the rules as and when we like... we decide for ourselves what rules have to be followed, what rules aren't rules at all... as individualistic ideas take root in our very society... where have the traditional values of filial piety etc gone to? people no longer see taking care of their eldery parents as being mandatory... "they have the ability to take care of themselves..." these people argued...
but of course... when such insidious effects of individualism get to them... they'll realise how foolish they are. when they're all alone, frail and vulnerable... when their very own children whom they showered care and love for decide to abandon them and lead their own lives.
how long will you remember those painful times when u had to part with your friends? saying that u'll never forget them? how long will you remember those friends who have parted their ways with you?
we used to say that at every parting... when we were young... as soon as we could understand language... but how well would our memory work for us? would u remember your primary school friends? secondary school mates? or anyone who has crossed your life and made even a small difference in your life?
seriously speaking... we would only remember someone when we need help from that person. when that person has some form of "use" for us in the near future. then again... what is friendship? is it just a convienient means for us to exploit the strengths of others for our own benefit?
and after that person's usefulness ended for you, u'll convieniently forget them.
where did the old saying of 为朋友两肋插刀 go to when you don't even remember your friends?
and of course... our favourite topic... love... would you still believe in 天长地久 when the rest of the youth population believe love to be a result of a shopping trip for the best traits they would wish for their potential partner? and of course when they realise that they "bought" the wrong package they throw you away like some junk? what is true love then in our present society?
i can imagine kelvin going... "very bad... very bad..."
04 August 2005
weird dreamz~
i had weird dreams last night...
probably cos i was watching 谈判专家 before i slept... then peng-sir tried to commit suicide by pouring alcohol all over himself and trying to light a fire....
i dreamt i tried commiting suicide twice. -_-
first is... no surprise.. i tried to light up myself when i'm drenched in alcohol... *see? watch too much tv* but somehow i couldn't find the lighter... -__- *that's quite sad case isn't it? :P*
so next... just like wad happened in the tv show... pple come and try to stop me from commiting suicide.... so i ran away from those people... first suicide attempt failed... so i ran ran ran until i reach this balcony where i jumped down from it.
suicide attempt 2.
except i jumped down from the third floor...
and i didn't die from that jump. -_-
and i ended up... *still in the dream* with this slight aching of my body. -_-
second suicide attempt failed. -_-
moral of the story... when u wanna commit suicide, make sure u've got a lighter with u... and when u jump down... make sure u jump down from the tenth and higher no of storeys... -___-
probably cos i was watching 谈判专家 before i slept... then peng-sir tried to commit suicide by pouring alcohol all over himself and trying to light a fire....
i dreamt i tried commiting suicide twice. -_-
first is... no surprise.. i tried to light up myself when i'm drenched in alcohol... *see? watch too much tv* but somehow i couldn't find the lighter... -__- *that's quite sad case isn't it? :P*
so next... just like wad happened in the tv show... pple come and try to stop me from commiting suicide.... so i ran away from those people... first suicide attempt failed... so i ran ran ran until i reach this balcony where i jumped down from it.
suicide attempt 2.
except i jumped down from the third floor...
and i didn't die from that jump. -_-
and i ended up... *still in the dream* with this slight aching of my body. -_-
second suicide attempt failed. -_-
moral of the story... when u wanna commit suicide, make sure u've got a lighter with u... and when u jump down... make sure u jump down from the tenth and higher no of storeys... -___-
29 July 2005
25 July 2005
雨。。。一直下个不停。。。
龙卷风离去后 雨季随着而来
太阳失去笑容 天空为谁哭泣
不想被雨淋湿 便把门窗关上
独自躲在房里 哪里都不要去
不要让心受寒 窗 挡住外面那一阵阵风
只是不论躲哪 雨 似乎都能从门窗渗透
外头天气冰冷 心 却被落下的雨水加温
太阳失去笑容 天空为谁哭泣
不想被雨淋湿 便把门窗关上
独自躲在房里 哪里都不要去
不要让心受寒 窗 挡住外面那一阵阵风
只是不论躲哪 雨 似乎都能从门窗渗透
外头天气冰冷 心 却被落下的雨水加温
24 July 2005
21 July 2005
"我拉住时间 他却不理会"
-- 孙燕姿 《同类》
一眨眼。。。我从一个年少无知的小中学女孩。。。变成了一个懵懵懂懂的高中少女。。。
而再过几天。。。我就正式成为一个大学生。。。
有种很微妙的感觉。。。一方面。。。很期待进大学会学到什么东西。。。至少我不会整天在家里闲着。。。看漫画、动画、电视、或整天上网。。。像个废人一样。。。
但是。。。又得到一个崭新的环境里。。。从新结交朋友。。。而且。。。校园这么大。。。我有一定会常常迷路。。。-_- *sianz* 再加上。。。这几天我所接触有关学校的事情。。。总觉得。。。大学。。。好像很恐怖。。。哈哈~ 每一件事好象都是最后一分钟才知道会发生什么事。。。下个星期一就开学了。。。但我现在连时间表都没有。。。再加上。。。我得安排补习时间。。。啊啊啊啊！！！超级sianz~ 哈哈。。。
时间真是不饶人。。。拼命希望是光能倒流。。。回到高中时有规律又快乐的日子。。。虽然有苦。。。但至少。。。开头不管是进 ACJC 或 HCJC 里面我都有认识的人。。。至少不怕寂寞。。。直到要跟大家一起玩。。。一起拼。。。但到大学。。。一切都靠自己了。。。一个我想象不到的生活。。。一个。。。完全不一样的生活。。。
虽然听以前的同事谈到他们在大学里多么快乐。。。大学生活多么好玩。。。但怎么样。。。我没有办法完全相信他们的话。。。因为自己眼前看不到吧。。。
已经厌倦了。。。不敢对即将开始的生活抱有什么期待。。。
其实严格来说。。。明天就开始新生活了吧。。。因为。。。明天一大清早就得到学校去。。。听老师唠唠叨叨。。。 =X haiz~ 没办法吧。。。
只能希望。。。这四年能平平静静的度过。。。
-- 孙燕姿 《同类》
一眨眼。。。我从一个年少无知的小中学女孩。。。变成了一个懵懵懂懂的高中少女。。。
而再过几天。。。我就正式成为一个大学生。。。
有种很微妙的感觉。。。一方面。。。很期待进大学会学到什么东西。。。至少我不会整天在家里闲着。。。看漫画、动画、电视、或整天上网。。。像个废人一样。。。
但是。。。又得到一个崭新的环境里。。。从新结交朋友。。。而且。。。校园这么大。。。我有一定会常常迷路。。。-_- *sianz* 再加上。。。这几天我所接触有关学校的事情。。。总觉得。。。大学。。。好像很恐怖。。。哈哈~ 每一件事好象都是最后一分钟才知道会发生什么事。。。下个星期一就开学了。。。但我现在连时间表都没有。。。再加上。。。我得安排补习时间。。。啊啊啊啊！！！超级sianz~ 哈哈。。。
时间真是不饶人。。。拼命希望是光能倒流。。。回到高中时有规律又快乐的日子。。。虽然有苦。。。但至少。。。开头不管是进 ACJC 或 HCJC 里面我都有认识的人。。。至少不怕寂寞。。。直到要跟大家一起玩。。。一起拼。。。但到大学。。。一切都靠自己了。。。一个我想象不到的生活。。。一个。。。完全不一样的生活。。。
虽然听以前的同事谈到他们在大学里多么快乐。。。大学生活多么好玩。。。但怎么样。。。我没有办法完全相信他们的话。。。因为自己眼前看不到吧。。。
已经厌倦了。。。不敢对即将开始的生活抱有什么期待。。。
其实严格来说。。。明天就开始新生活了吧。。。因为。。。明天一大清早就得到学校去。。。听老师唠唠叨叨。。。 =X haiz~ 没办法吧。。。
只能希望。。。这四年能平平静静的度过。。。
13 July 2005
一路向北
一路向北
（歌手：周杰伦）
后视镜里的世界 越来越远的道别
你转身向背 侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追 竟听见你的泪
在车窗外面排徊 是我错失的机会
你站的方位 跟我中间隔着泪
街景一直在后退 你的崩溃在窗外零碎
我一路向北 离开有你的季节
你说你好累 已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹 过往的画面全都是我不对
细数惭愧 我伤你几回
后视镜里的世界 越来越远的道别
你转身向背 侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追 竟听见你的泪
在车窗外面排徊 是我错失的机会
你站的方位 跟我中间隔着泪
街景一直在后退 你的崩溃在窗外零碎
我一路向北 离开有你的季节
你说你好累 已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹 过往的画面全都是我不对
细数惭愧 我伤你几回
我一路向北 离开有你的季节
方向盘周围 回转着我的后悔
我加速超越 却甩不掉紧紧跟随的伤悲
细数惭愧 我伤你几回
停止狼狈 就让错纯粹
（歌手：周杰伦）
后视镜里的世界 越来越远的道别
你转身向背 侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追 竟听见你的泪
在车窗外面排徊 是我错失的机会
你站的方位 跟我中间隔着泪
街景一直在后退 你的崩溃在窗外零碎
我一路向北 离开有你的季节
你说你好累 已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹 过往的画面全都是我不对
细数惭愧 我伤你几回
后视镜里的世界 越来越远的道别
你转身向背 侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追 竟听见你的泪
在车窗外面排徊 是我错失的机会
你站的方位 跟我中间隔着泪
街景一直在后退 你的崩溃在窗外零碎
我一路向北 离开有你的季节
你说你好累 已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹 过往的画面全都是我不对
细数惭愧 我伤你几回
我一路向北 离开有你的季节
方向盘周围 回转着我的后悔
我加速超越 却甩不掉紧紧跟随的伤悲
细数惭愧 我伤你几回
停止狼狈 就让错纯粹
10 July 2005
06 July 2005
もし 私が
雨だつたなら
それが永遠に交わる
ことのない
空と大地を
つなぎとめるように
誰かの心を
つなぎ留めることが
できただろうか
if i were the rain
that binds together
the earth and the sky
who in all eternity
will never mingle
would i be able
to bind the hearts
of people together?
arr... the wonders of the japanese language...
someday i'm going to master it... wahahahaha~
雨だつたなら
それが永遠に交わる
ことのない
空と大地を
つなぎとめるように
誰かの心を
つなぎ留めることが
できただろうか
- ブリーチ
if i were the rain
that binds together
the earth and the sky
who in all eternity
will never mingle
would i be able
to bind the hearts
of people together?
arr... the wonders of the japanese language...
someday i'm going to master it... wahahahaha~
03 July 2005
wah. finally after one whole morning's work... i finally revamp this old blog. -_-
took quite a long time... *considering how my html grow rust and rot away* oh well, i guess knowing nuts about html really s*x especially when u are doing webby stuff bah, but oh well, at least it's done! =)
yar yar.. this blog grow rust for like half a month le... i've got an idea to turn this place into an anime blog... so blog abt all the anime i watched... basically the past two weeks i've been watching anime anime and more anime... stuff like bleach... school rumble... naruto... blah blah blah... juz to pass time...
then again... i wonder... who actually visits my blog to realise this place has got loads of cobwebs ard...
oh yar... i juz quit my job... lolz~ that explains y i'm so free to go out everyday and spend like mad. -_-
and yes! the great singapore sale! juz in within one week, i've bought basically average one top per day of the week. -_- oh man, these shops are so evil... all the 50% off and stuff... make me spend like siao. -_- *oh my god. i sound so bitchy. -_-*
and i'm eating junk food like siao too... my mum complains i'm growing fat and dun exercise. -_-
and school's starting in abt a mth's time... loads of stuff to conquer... like the books i borrowed from kelvin. *omg. when am i ever going to finish reading them?* and the anime i wanna watch... pls the ton of things i wanna learn... like... japanese... cooking... *pray that the previous oven incident wun reoccur*
speaking of school... somehow not feeling compelled or excited abt the new school life.. dun ask me why... i have no idea myself... perhaps the thought of making new friends all over again made me sian diaos... oh well...
ok lar... enuff rant for now...
i wonder when i'll be back again...
took quite a long time... *considering how my html grow rust and rot away* oh well, i guess knowing nuts about html really s*x especially when u are doing webby stuff bah, but oh well, at least it's done! =)
yar yar.. this blog grow rust for like half a month le... i've got an idea to turn this place into an anime blog... so blog abt all the anime i watched... basically the past two weeks i've been watching anime anime and more anime... stuff like bleach... school rumble... naruto... blah blah blah... juz to pass time...
then again... i wonder... who actually visits my blog to realise this place has got loads of cobwebs ard...
oh yar... i juz quit my job... lolz~ that explains y i'm so free to go out everyday and spend like mad. -_-
and yes! the great singapore sale! juz in within one week, i've bought basically average one top per day of the week. -_- oh man, these shops are so evil... all the 50% off and stuff... make me spend like siao. -_- *oh my god. i sound so bitchy. -_-*
and i'm eating junk food like siao too... my mum complains i'm growing fat and dun exercise. -_-
and school's starting in abt a mth's time... loads of stuff to conquer... like the books i borrowed from kelvin. *omg. when am i ever going to finish reading them?* and the anime i wanna watch... pls the ton of things i wanna learn... like... japanese... cooking... *pray that the previous oven incident wun reoccur*
speaking of school... somehow not feeling compelled or excited abt the new school life.. dun ask me why... i have no idea myself... perhaps the thought of making new friends all over again made me sian diaos... oh well...
ok lar... enuff rant for now...
i wonder when i'll be back again...
02 July 2005
15 June 2005
03 June 2005
刺鸟
歌手:飞儿乐队 专辑:无限
也许就是要等一百个世纪
我们才能够发现真爱的美丽
龙舌兰的花朵不代表绚丽
选择燃烧了自己将真爱延续
就像刺鸟的宿命
悲剧却勇敢
用生命交换结局的灿烂
天上的风 被谁推开
温暖的手 是你的爱
我还在等 待等待你的爱
真实呼喊
天空晴朗 心情很蓝
紧握的手 决不松开
怎么不回来 怎么不回来
刺鸟呼唤
天上的风 被谁推开
温暖的手 是你的爱
我还在等待 等待你的爱
真实呼喊
天空晴朗 心情很蓝
紧握的手 决不松开
我穿越伤害 最美的答案
是你的爱
其实，一切都是选择。。。
既然做出了选择，何必说些与你选择完全相反的东西呢？
只看到前面一片漆黑。。。
路很远，夜好黑。。。
我始终带着你爱的微笑
一路上寻找我遗失的美好
不小心当泪划过嘴角
就用你握过的手抹掉
再多的风景也从不停靠
只一心寻找我遗失的美好
有的人说不清哪里好
但就是谁都替代不了
wow.. reflective nite for me... finally i get to spend one night at home slacking watching tv... watch last second episode of 海豚湾恋人 and 善妮 going to die soon. =S oh well... i think i'm in love with the ending song now... hahaz~
and of course... my fav song from FIR which i wanted to post a long long time ago... hahaha~
tireds. back pain. ouch. and i wan sleep. -_-
tireds sotong signing off.
歌手:飞儿乐队 专辑:无限
也许就是要等一百个世纪
我们才能够发现真爱的美丽
龙舌兰的花朵不代表绚丽
选择燃烧了自己将真爱延续
就像刺鸟的宿命
悲剧却勇敢
用生命交换结局的灿烂
天上的风 被谁推开
温暖的手 是你的爱
我还在等 待等待你的爱
真实呼喊
天空晴朗 心情很蓝
紧握的手 决不松开
怎么不回来 怎么不回来
刺鸟呼唤
天上的风 被谁推开
温暖的手 是你的爱
我还在等待 等待你的爱
真实呼喊
天空晴朗 心情很蓝
紧握的手 决不松开
我穿越伤害 最美的答案
是你的爱
其实，一切都是选择。。。
既然做出了选择，何必说些与你选择完全相反的东西呢？
只看到前面一片漆黑。。。
路很远，夜好黑。。。
我始终带着你爱的微笑
一路上寻找我遗失的美好
不小心当泪划过嘴角
就用你握过的手抹掉
再多的风景也从不停靠
只一心寻找我遗失的美好
有的人说不清哪里好
但就是谁都替代不了
wow.. reflective nite for me... finally i get to spend one night at home slacking watching tv... watch last second episode of 海豚湾恋人 and 善妮 going to die soon. =S oh well... i think i'm in love with the ending song now... hahaz~
and of course... my fav song from FIR which i wanted to post a long long time ago... hahaha~
tireds. back pain. ouch. and i wan sleep. -_-
tireds sotong signing off.
23 May 2005
21 May 2005
是否有过这种感觉。。。明明心里有很多很多话想说。。。但不知为什么。。。一句话也说不出口？
这并没什么大不了。。。只是。。。心里觉得。。。闷闷的。。。
好像一个装上盖子的瓶子一样。。。装的东西越来越多。。。好像随时会爆炸。。。
没有什么途径发泄。。。只能继续保持沉默。。。
曾经差点败给自己的忧郁。。。所以。。。对自己发誓不会让自己继续往这条路走下去。。。
这种感觉好奇怪啊。。。
自己相当明白。。。一些事情想太多未必对自己好。。。或许做人单纯一点会比较好。。。对一个人的一举一动不必想的那么深入。。。这样，也可以免了不必要的痛苦。。。
我始终相信。。。不管事情会变得多糟。。。不论多坏。。。事情总会转好。。。有它好的一面。。。
我对天上的星星许了个愿。。。请它们守护着我身边的人。。。
希望愿望能实现。。。
这并没什么大不了。。。只是。。。心里觉得。。。闷闷的。。。
好像一个装上盖子的瓶子一样。。。装的东西越来越多。。。好像随时会爆炸。。。
没有什么途径发泄。。。只能继续保持沉默。。。
曾经差点败给自己的忧郁。。。所以。。。对自己发誓不会让自己继续往这条路走下去。。。
这种感觉好奇怪啊。。。
自己相当明白。。。一些事情想太多未必对自己好。。。或许做人单纯一点会比较好。。。对一个人的一举一动不必想的那么深入。。。这样，也可以免了不必要的痛苦。。。
我始终相信。。。不管事情会变得多糟。。。不论多坏。。。事情总会转好。。。有它好的一面。。。
我对天上的星星许了个愿。。。请它们守护着我身边的人。。。
希望愿望能实现。。。
19 May 2005
star wars date. XD
pushed back tuition todae to go on a date with... ahems... my sis... a movie date to be exact... cos... TODAE'S THE OPENING OF STAR WARS EPISODE 3!!!! of course as a die hard star wars fan... muz go watch lar.. :P
not forgetting how big a lightbulb i was when... ahems.... my sis was supposed to watch it with... ahems.. john. lalalala~
aniwae... the three of us juz sat in the theatre... making loads of furnie comments throughout the movie *omg. i can't believe i'm so bitchy... =S*
the movie's great... though an extremely dark one...
padme's costumes were great... i totally love the designer... XD especially this blue gown with beads... aww~ so so cool!!! XD
and the themes discussed in the movie... brings loads of thoughts to my mind...
the more we are afraid of losing the things we gained... the more they'll slip away from our finger tips...
attatchment leads to jealousy... jealousy leads to hate...
padme : "i don't like it... u're walking down a path which i can't follow you..."
and.... while anakin was trying so hard to keep the very person he loved to himself... to prevent a certain end from becoming reality... he himself caused the reality to happen...
we are all afraid of the uncertainties... we don't want to lose the things we gained... and because of this we have become so obsessed with our pursuit of power and the things we want... until we forgot our original aims...
and in the end.. that's how u lose the things u didn't want to lose... in exchange for the things u gained...
principle of equivalent trade, har? =Pp
mace windu is so so so cool!!!! i simply lurve his purple lightsaber... and in his showdown with the sith lord... his other 3 companions are juz there to be slaughtered... lolz! and he alone battled with the sith lord and won the battle... before someone else came along... =S oh man... he's so zai... =X how i wished he had been one of the remaining jedi who lived... besides yoda and obi-wan.. =S
and of course... yoda is so so so so so so cool!!!!!!!! XD he may be a "little green thing" but he's got power, man... =) jump here jump there like a monkey... =P and it's so hard to imagine that he's actually 700+ years old... lolz~ it made his opponents look so stupid... :P being unable to defeat him... lolz!
and... even in the end... when anakin had already turned to the dark side... and padme was dying... she still believed that... "there's a good side to him..." for all those things he did to her... for all the hurt he brought her...
sometimes i juz feel... padme... u're... so stupid...
but i guess the power of love blinds them all... juz like how anakin's love for padme blinded himself and lured himself to the dark side...
furnie stuff abt the movie... apparently the empire started building the first death star ever since luke and leia skywalker were born... but the strange thing is... it's only completed when the kids were at least 18 years old... but the second death star only took less than... abt 5 years to build? -_- lame diaoz... *input by john: maybe they got the idea how to build le, so second death star take lesser time*
and other stupid things like... how come when padme died... after giving birth... her stomach still so big? *as contributed by me and my sis* later we sorta come to the conclusion that woman's stomach dun go back to their original size so quickly after childbirth...
i guess... for now... lemme drown in star wars philosophy and... mourn for the death of anakin skywalker... and hate george lucas for making episodes 4-6 before episode 1-3... =S and pray that maybe there'll be episode 0 or episode 7+++... oh well... *starts sounding desperate*
not forgetting how big a lightbulb i was when... ahems.... my sis was supposed to watch it with... ahems.. john. lalalala~
aniwae... the three of us juz sat in the theatre... making loads of furnie comments throughout the movie *omg. i can't believe i'm so bitchy... =S*
the movie's great... though an extremely dark one...
padme's costumes were great... i totally love the designer... XD especially this blue gown with beads... aww~ so so cool!!! XD
and the themes discussed in the movie... brings loads of thoughts to my mind...
the more we are afraid of losing the things we gained... the more they'll slip away from our finger tips...
attatchment leads to jealousy... jealousy leads to hate...
padme : "i don't like it... u're walking down a path which i can't follow you..."
and.... while anakin was trying so hard to keep the very person he loved to himself... to prevent a certain end from becoming reality... he himself caused the reality to happen...
we are all afraid of the uncertainties... we don't want to lose the things we gained... and because of this we have become so obsessed with our pursuit of power and the things we want... until we forgot our original aims...
and in the end.. that's how u lose the things u didn't want to lose... in exchange for the things u gained...
principle of equivalent trade, har? =Pp
mace windu is so so so cool!!!! i simply lurve his purple lightsaber... and in his showdown with the sith lord... his other 3 companions are juz there to be slaughtered... lolz! and he alone battled with the sith lord and won the battle... before someone else came along... =S oh man... he's so zai... =X how i wished he had been one of the remaining jedi who lived... besides yoda and obi-wan.. =S
and of course... yoda is so so so so so so cool!!!!!!!! XD he may be a "little green thing" but he's got power, man... =) jump here jump there like a monkey... =P and it's so hard to imagine that he's actually 700+ years old... lolz~ it made his opponents look so stupid... :P being unable to defeat him... lolz!
and... even in the end... when anakin had already turned to the dark side... and padme was dying... she still believed that... "there's a good side to him..." for all those things he did to her... for all the hurt he brought her...
sometimes i juz feel... padme... u're... so stupid...
but i guess the power of love blinds them all... juz like how anakin's love for padme blinded himself and lured himself to the dark side...
furnie stuff abt the movie... apparently the empire started building the first death star ever since luke and leia skywalker were born... but the strange thing is... it's only completed when the kids were at least 18 years old... but the second death star only took less than... abt 5 years to build? -_- lame diaoz... *input by john: maybe they got the idea how to build le, so second death star take lesser time*
and other stupid things like... how come when padme died... after giving birth... her stomach still so big? *as contributed by me and my sis* later we sorta come to the conclusion that woman's stomach dun go back to their original size so quickly after childbirth...
i guess... for now... lemme drown in star wars philosophy and... mourn for the death of anakin skywalker... and hate george lucas for making episodes 4-6 before episode 1-3... =S and pray that maybe there'll be episode 0 or episode 7+++... oh well... *starts sounding desperate*
15 May 2005
we had no choice...
"It was the only thing we could do. It was the only choice we had. I gave in, I accepted, I believed. I allowed it to be true. I thought I'd be able to go through with it without ever doubting myself. But I... It hurts so much...
Everyone was so happy. "Great job, Yuna. You did it. You saved us all." There were too many smiles to count. And I know that I was smiling, too. But now...when I look back... The people who should be here aren't. The ones who should be smiling with me aren't here...
"We had no choice." Always "we had no choice." Those are our magic words. We repeat them to ourselves again and again. But you know... The magic never worked! The only thing we're left with is regret...
No. I don't want this anymore.
I don't want friends to die...or fade away. I don't want battles where we have to lose in order to win..."
Everyone was so happy. "Great job, Yuna. You did it. You saved us all." There were too many smiles to count. And I know that I was smiling, too. But now...when I look back... The people who should be here aren't. The ones who should be smiling with me aren't here...
"We had no choice." Always "we had no choice." Those are our magic words. We repeat them to ourselves again and again. But you know... The magic never worked! The only thing we're left with is regret...
No. I don't want this anymore.
I don't want friends to die...or fade away. I don't want battles where we have to lose in order to win..."
~ Yuna (Final Fantasy x-2)
13 May 2005
有些时候，一旦一个人保持沉默，把心收藏起来，别人开始摸不到他的心，开始不了解他的一举一动。。。
有些人就是喜欢保持沉默。。。
也因此，周围的人对他的误会也越来越多。。。
有些事情。。。是没有理由的。。。
我们活在科技发达的时代，把科学对任何事物都有答案的原理搬到生活里。。。认为什么都有答案，所以人人都不断的追求人生的答案。。。
我们往往忘了。。。有些事是没有答案的。。。
但固执的人类却硬钻牛角尖。。。结果苦了自己，还苦了别人。。。
"Sometimes things are not that complicated as u make them out to be... Put whatever u are thinking now away for e time being and come back to them later, maybe u will get a diff perspective..."
或许。。。有些事情就是那么简单。。。
就譬如。。。如果有一天我不小心，手上划了一道深深的伤口。。。事情的结果也只有两种。。。第一。。。就是让伤口休息，不再刺激它。。。过了不久，伤口就会自动痊愈。。。
或者。。。另一种，就是伤口一直经历风吹雨淋，完全没有机会愈合，一直不断地受到伤害。。。最终。。。受伤的地方迟早会长出一块厚厚的茧。。。
事情也就是那么简单。。。
别轻易对他人誓下诺言。。。因为。。。如果无法遵守诺言。。。这对别人的伤害是那么大。。。
但是。。。当一个人在等待你许下诺言。。。你却因为对自己能实现诺言的能力感到怀疑而拒绝他人。。。这对他的伤害。。。是否会比许下诺言却无法遵守来的大？
做人真是痛苦。。。
对一个人客气。。。不一定是因为跟他不熟。。。有些时候。。。是因为害怕自己会把他人对自己的好当成是理所当然的。。。这是对自己的一种警惕。。。但在别人的眼里。。。这对他们而言又是怎样呢？
我只知道。。。这世界是多么黑暗。。。而人类是多么可悲。。。
有些人就是喜欢保持沉默。。。
也因此，周围的人对他的误会也越来越多。。。
有些事情。。。是没有理由的。。。
我们活在科技发达的时代，把科学对任何事物都有答案的原理搬到生活里。。。认为什么都有答案，所以人人都不断的追求人生的答案。。。
我们往往忘了。。。有些事是没有答案的。。。
但固执的人类却硬钻牛角尖。。。结果苦了自己，还苦了别人。。。
"Sometimes things are not that complicated as u make them out to be... Put whatever u are thinking now away for e time being and come back to them later, maybe u will get a diff perspective..."
或许。。。有些事情就是那么简单。。。
就譬如。。。如果有一天我不小心，手上划了一道深深的伤口。。。事情的结果也只有两种。。。第一。。。就是让伤口休息，不再刺激它。。。过了不久，伤口就会自动痊愈。。。
或者。。。另一种，就是伤口一直经历风吹雨淋，完全没有机会愈合，一直不断地受到伤害。。。最终。。。受伤的地方迟早会长出一块厚厚的茧。。。
事情也就是那么简单。。。
别轻易对他人誓下诺言。。。因为。。。如果无法遵守诺言。。。这对别人的伤害是那么大。。。
但是。。。当一个人在等待你许下诺言。。。你却因为对自己能实现诺言的能力感到怀疑而拒绝他人。。。这对他的伤害。。。是否会比许下诺言却无法遵守来的大？
做人真是痛苦。。。
对一个人客气。。。不一定是因为跟他不熟。。。有些时候。。。是因为害怕自己会把他人对自己的好当成是理所当然的。。。这是对自己的一种警惕。。。但在别人的眼里。。。这对他们而言又是怎样呢？
我只知道。。。这世界是多么黑暗。。。而人类是多么可悲。。。
02 May 2005
看不见的未来
面对着周围所发生的一切。。。
我。。。看不见未来。
看不见自己在不久的将来会快乐的生活。。。
看不见自己能在面对未来挑战顺利过关。。。
看不见以后的我会丰衣足食。。。
看不见以后的我会得到幸福。。。
可是。。。一个人真的能看得到未来吗？
如果一个人能够看到未来。。。那个人不就是神仙了吗？
就算现在幸福，丰衣足食。。。一年后。。。也未必能像现在一样。。。
因为。。。我们的世界一直在改变。。。
明天究竟会遇见什么，没人能预测。。。
看不到未来不代表没有未来。。。
试想想。。。如果每个人因为看不到未来而不再奋斗。。。
每个人都对生命毫无期待。。。
没有了欲望。。。没有往前走的冲劲。。。
这个世界将是多么悲哀。。。
未来是靠自己来创造的。。。这听起来有可能很俗气。。。但是。。。或许只有这种自信。。。我们才能往前走。。。不断进步。。。
这是不是一种人类编造出来的谎言来骗自己。。。我不知道。。。
我只知道。。。这总比停滞不前来的好。。。
人类就是那么可悲。。。情愿活在自己编造的谎言里。。。也不愿面对他们不想面对的事物。。。
我。。。看不见未来。
看不见自己在不久的将来会快乐的生活。。。
看不见自己能在面对未来挑战顺利过关。。。
看不见以后的我会丰衣足食。。。
看不见以后的我会得到幸福。。。
可是。。。一个人真的能看得到未来吗？
如果一个人能够看到未来。。。那个人不就是神仙了吗？
就算现在幸福，丰衣足食。。。一年后。。。也未必能像现在一样。。。
因为。。。我们的世界一直在改变。。。
明天究竟会遇见什么，没人能预测。。。
看不到未来不代表没有未来。。。
试想想。。。如果每个人因为看不到未来而不再奋斗。。。
每个人都对生命毫无期待。。。
没有了欲望。。。没有往前走的冲劲。。。
这个世界将是多么悲哀。。。
未来是靠自己来创造的。。。这听起来有可能很俗气。。。但是。。。或许只有这种自信。。。我们才能往前走。。。不断进步。。。
这是不是一种人类编造出来的谎言来骗自己。。。我不知道。。。
我只知道。。。这总比停滞不前来的好。。。
人类就是那么可悲。。。情愿活在自己编造的谎言里。。。也不愿面对他们不想面对的事物。。。
29 April 2005
28 April 2005
如果这世上真的有神，就请所有神明保佑我周围的人。。。
after all the things that happened today...
i guess... i'm glad that i'm still alive... and that my family is around me... and... i've got so many friends who care about me...
my... dad... was involved in a car crash.
he was going to fetch me from my workplace to go for tuition...
and just as he reached the road a few metres away from my company... a huge truck rammed into the left of my dad's car.
on board... there were three of my dad's collegues... and they had minor injuries.. luckily... and fortunately... my dad wasn't hurt... juz... dazed...
he said he's ok... he called the insurance company... called up the pple to tow the car away... called for the ambulance, called the police... and even called home... and assured my family that he's ok...
he seemed so calm... knowing what to do in whatever situation that arise...
but... as i stood beside him...
i saw his hand tremble.
and as i stood behind him, looking at how he tries to tie up the ends to this accident...
i realised how old he is.
accidents happen everywhere...
u never know when ur safe and when u might just lose your life.
i don't know how he feels now... whether he's still traumatised... whether he blames himself for what that happened...
no matter what... i juz hope he knows... that... i'll be there for him....
it was so traumatising that even i was not involved in it, i felt so scared until i could cry when i saw how the car was dented... and how traumatised my father's collegues were... until they couldn't move... blah blah blah... but my dad made everything sound as though it's nothing serious at all. so that others wun be worried about him...
i want to be like you... to become someone others can depend on. instead of simply breaking down when something devastating happens unexpected...
so... if i can have a wish now... pls bless all those around me... and protect them from all the terrible things that might happen...
ps. in the end i'm back to being posted to sales after another big discussion teena had wif the HR pple... life is like shit now, but at least i'm glad that my dad's alive... with no injuries... and that i'm alive... and... i still have my family and close friends... =)
after all the things that happened today...
i guess... i'm glad that i'm still alive... and that my family is around me... and... i've got so many friends who care about me...
my... dad... was involved in a car crash.
he was going to fetch me from my workplace to go for tuition...
and just as he reached the road a few metres away from my company... a huge truck rammed into the left of my dad's car.
on board... there were three of my dad's collegues... and they had minor injuries.. luckily... and fortunately... my dad wasn't hurt... juz... dazed...
he said he's ok... he called the insurance company... called up the pple to tow the car away... called for the ambulance, called the police... and even called home... and assured my family that he's ok...
he seemed so calm... knowing what to do in whatever situation that arise...
but... as i stood beside him...
i saw his hand tremble.
and as i stood behind him, looking at how he tries to tie up the ends to this accident...
i realised how old he is.
accidents happen everywhere...
u never know when ur safe and when u might just lose your life.
i don't know how he feels now... whether he's still traumatised... whether he blames himself for what that happened...
no matter what... i juz hope he knows... that... i'll be there for him....
it was so traumatising that even i was not involved in it, i felt so scared until i could cry when i saw how the car was dented... and how traumatised my father's collegues were... until they couldn't move... blah blah blah... but my dad made everything sound as though it's nothing serious at all. so that others wun be worried about him...
i want to be like you... to become someone others can depend on. instead of simply breaking down when something devastating happens unexpected...
so... if i can have a wish now... pls bless all those around me... and protect them from all the terrible things that might happen...
ps. in the end i'm back to being posted to sales after another big discussion teena had wif the HR pple... life is like shit now, but at least i'm glad that my dad's alive... with no injuries... and that i'm alive... and... i still have my family and close friends... =)
back in office, all alone eating lunch as usual
and thinking abt the things that has juz happened in the morning...
juz within an hour... i've been posted to another department, and then transferred back to where i was initially...
and they said they're going to give my collegue more time to adapt, or else it's unfair to him... the next moment they changed their mind.
and there's nothing i can do about all these that's going on... i'm juz like... a pawn...
i muz admit... initially when i found out i'm going to be posted to sales cos the person i'm taking over, esther, is back, and that there's the new guy john who has been here for abt 1 month already... so basically our department here no longer need me the temp stuff to do all the filing and stuff... it's a practical solution to post me elsewhere...
but juz a few days ago teena told me secretly that cos john is a slow learner and doesn't exhibit a sense of responsibility required for his job scope, she's thinking of observing his performance up till friday to decide whether she still wants him here or to... well.. to put it directly, ask him to leave for good...
i admitted to her frankly that... we can't look after someone who cannot even file papers in running order properly, or to remember what he has done simply an hour ago... and when we're working in such a fast paced environment, we simply can't be baby sitters for we have our own work to settle.
so today when she first told me that i'm going elsewhere and john's going to stay... i really felt... how should i say? cheated?
but she said... she wants to give him another chance... or else it's unfair to him...
and i thought... yeah... that makes sense...
somehow i'm a little envious of john... cos our department pple are so nice to give him so many chances to prove himself...
everybody in my office.... ching esther and john were told that i'll be posted elsewhere... and ching asked me to help him photostat some stuff... so i playfully told him... aey... ask me photostat stuff muz treat me leh. den he replied.. aiyah... tml tot ur last day den treat u... but now too bad... u go elsewhere... ha~ den i replied.. wah~ u wan me to leave so fast ar? lolz~
but... yeah... somehow in my heart.. i rather i leave the company than to be posted elsewhere.. ha~ *cos of the... ahems... bad record sales department has... i mean... the new staff they employ would leave like... at most 1month after they're employed. -_-*
then... teena came back after she went to look for our big boss... michimoto san... and she once again told me and esther secretly that i no need to go to sales on monday...
and i was like... huh?
she asked... er... u don't understand?
i replied... yah.. i get it...
and she turned back to do her work.
simple instruction like that.. i understand... what i don't understand is... why is it that one moment u can decide that you want to give someone else a chance, and then later change ur mind so quickly? i understand that she's in a difficult position also... she has to face her superior... and perhaps the idea of giving john another chance came from michimoto san... but... everything juz... din really make sense.. at least at that point in time.
and i felt... terrible... it seems as though... it's cos of me that john's going to lose his job.
reality is so harsh.
为什么单靠努力也未必能够成功？
为什么单靠喜欢还是不能在一起？
为什么世界是呢么残酷的？
我的心情一时无法平静下来。
and thinking abt the things that has juz happened in the morning...
juz within an hour... i've been posted to another department, and then transferred back to where i was initially...
and they said they're going to give my collegue more time to adapt, or else it's unfair to him... the next moment they changed their mind.
and there's nothing i can do about all these that's going on... i'm juz like... a pawn...
i muz admit... initially when i found out i'm going to be posted to sales cos the person i'm taking over, esther, is back, and that there's the new guy john who has been here for abt 1 month already... so basically our department here no longer need me the temp stuff to do all the filing and stuff... it's a practical solution to post me elsewhere...
but juz a few days ago teena told me secretly that cos john is a slow learner and doesn't exhibit a sense of responsibility required for his job scope, she's thinking of observing his performance up till friday to decide whether she still wants him here or to... well.. to put it directly, ask him to leave for good...
i admitted to her frankly that... we can't look after someone who cannot even file papers in running order properly, or to remember what he has done simply an hour ago... and when we're working in such a fast paced environment, we simply can't be baby sitters for we have our own work to settle.
so today when she first told me that i'm going elsewhere and john's going to stay... i really felt... how should i say? cheated?
but she said... she wants to give him another chance... or else it's unfair to him...
and i thought... yeah... that makes sense...
somehow i'm a little envious of john... cos our department pple are so nice to give him so many chances to prove himself...
everybody in my office.... ching esther and john were told that i'll be posted elsewhere... and ching asked me to help him photostat some stuff... so i playfully told him... aey... ask me photostat stuff muz treat me leh. den he replied.. aiyah... tml tot ur last day den treat u... but now too bad... u go elsewhere... ha~ den i replied.. wah~ u wan me to leave so fast ar? lolz~
but... yeah... somehow in my heart.. i rather i leave the company than to be posted elsewhere.. ha~ *cos of the... ahems... bad record sales department has... i mean... the new staff they employ would leave like... at most 1month after they're employed. -_-*
then... teena came back after she went to look for our big boss... michimoto san... and she once again told me and esther secretly that i no need to go to sales on monday...
and i was like... huh?
she asked... er... u don't understand?
i replied... yah.. i get it...
and she turned back to do her work.
simple instruction like that.. i understand... what i don't understand is... why is it that one moment u can decide that you want to give someone else a chance, and then later change ur mind so quickly? i understand that she's in a difficult position also... she has to face her superior... and perhaps the idea of giving john another chance came from michimoto san... but... everything juz... din really make sense.. at least at that point in time.
and i felt... terrible... it seems as though... it's cos of me that john's going to lose his job.
reality is so harsh.
为什么单靠努力也未必能够成功？
为什么单靠喜欢还是不能在一起？
为什么世界是呢么残酷的？
我的心情一时无法平静下来。
24 April 2005
sick sick sick.
sick sick sick.
it feels extremely lonely when u're sick.
especially when u no longer have school... and it feels as though no one in the world cares whether u're sick or not.
and u can't go out to bathe under the sun.
it's extremely tiring and exhausting.
slept two full days and it doesn't help.
that's when frustration comes in.
thought about loads of things when i'm drifting in and out of consciousness...
wondered if anyone would remember me if i died. *cos very sick mah.*
first group of pple would probably be my parents bah. my siblings most probably... and a few close friends like pansy... yuchun... maybe pple like junyi and kelvin... hahaz~
would u remember me?
but i guess ultimately that wun matter.. hahaz~
i'm really glad that yesterday when i chatted wif shianchi junyi weixiang weijie they all... they showed concern... =) gave me a bit more strength to fight wif my headache and fever... though this morning when i woke up it got worse... but at least i felt better last night...
even those i'm not close to... sometimes it makes me wonder if they're faking concern... but... at least faking concern is better than showing no concern at all bah.. i guess...
at least it beats pple who are so busy until they dun have time or they forget to show concern to those around them...
it's been these two days which i thought i'll really collapse... i almost did... almost fainted on friday... yesterday on the verge of collapsing... especially when i had tuition and my mum dragged me out to buy groceries wif her. -_- but oh well... i survived... barely.. lolz~
i really wanted to collapse... i mean... wad's the point of holding on when u cannot take it anymore? that's when shianchi called me... though it's cos she wanted to jio me to go class outing wif her, which i can't go cos of my condition... when i told her that i'm super sick... and she was like... "do take care ya?"
and juz as simple as that... a word of concern was enough to pull me from the depths of darkness to juz hang on...
so... no matter how busy u are with your own personal life... juz sparing others a second to show them some concern... it brightens their day and gives them the strength to hang on...
so after two days of sleep plus popping numerous panadols... gushing pails of water and rushing to the toilet many times these four days...
i'm glad to announce.. that i'm still alive and kicking. -_-
finally understand how it felt to be totally exhausted... and how when u're in that state u wouldn't want to talk to anybody from the rest of the world.. and u simply want to stay with your bed and not part with it at all...
before i fell sick... i saw a glimpse of light... but when i fell sick... i was once again engulfed in darkness... but now that my mind has cleared... the darkness remained... and i wonder if i'll see the light again. the light of enlightenment...
but for now... recharging my body shall be the top piriority... XD
*starts eating a pack of chips*
it feels extremely lonely when u're sick.
especially when u no longer have school... and it feels as though no one in the world cares whether u're sick or not.
and u can't go out to bathe under the sun.
it's extremely tiring and exhausting.
slept two full days and it doesn't help.
that's when frustration comes in.
thought about loads of things when i'm drifting in and out of consciousness...
wondered if anyone would remember me if i died. *cos very sick mah.*
first group of pple would probably be my parents bah. my siblings most probably... and a few close friends like pansy... yuchun... maybe pple like junyi and kelvin... hahaz~
would u remember me?
but i guess ultimately that wun matter.. hahaz~
i'm really glad that yesterday when i chatted wif shianchi junyi weixiang weijie they all... they showed concern... =) gave me a bit more strength to fight wif my headache and fever... though this morning when i woke up it got worse... but at least i felt better last night...
even those i'm not close to... sometimes it makes me wonder if they're faking concern... but... at least faking concern is better than showing no concern at all bah.. i guess...
at least it beats pple who are so busy until they dun have time or they forget to show concern to those around them...
it's been these two days which i thought i'll really collapse... i almost did... almost fainted on friday... yesterday on the verge of collapsing... especially when i had tuition and my mum dragged me out to buy groceries wif her. -_- but oh well... i survived... barely.. lolz~
i really wanted to collapse... i mean... wad's the point of holding on when u cannot take it anymore? that's when shianchi called me... though it's cos she wanted to jio me to go class outing wif her, which i can't go cos of my condition... when i told her that i'm super sick... and she was like... "do take care ya?"
and juz as simple as that... a word of concern was enough to pull me from the depths of darkness to juz hang on...
so... no matter how busy u are with your own personal life... juz sparing others a second to show them some concern... it brightens their day and gives them the strength to hang on...
so after two days of sleep plus popping numerous panadols... gushing pails of water and rushing to the toilet many times these four days...
i'm glad to announce.. that i'm still alive and kicking. -_-
finally understand how it felt to be totally exhausted... and how when u're in that state u wouldn't want to talk to anybody from the rest of the world.. and u simply want to stay with your bed and not part with it at all...
before i fell sick... i saw a glimpse of light... but when i fell sick... i was once again engulfed in darkness... but now that my mind has cleared... the darkness remained... and i wonder if i'll see the light again. the light of enlightenment...
but for now... recharging my body shall be the top piriority... XD
*starts eating a pack of chips*
22 April 2005
it's been only a day... nah.. even lesser than that...
and it's amazing how the human mood can change so drastically
i wish i have a pillar of support for me to hold onto now.
especially when the world seems to be circling ard me...
making me feel totally helpless and...
*giddy*
*world turned black*
and it's amazing how the human mood can change so drastically
i wish i have a pillar of support for me to hold onto now.
especially when the world seems to be circling ard me...
making me feel totally helpless and...
*giddy*
*world turned black*
~the day when i fell sick~
20 April 2005
imagine a 女强人 walking along the streets of shenton... dressed in a powersuit, with... perhaps.. her long hair tied up in a sleek ponytail... carrying her black leather bag, in... a pair of... high heels....
so todae i took one step nearer towards my goal of becoming a 女强人...
by wearing the much dreaded heels.
oh well... it's juz cos my usual flat bottom pair of shoes has decided that it has enuff of me... the deco on the shoe is almost dropping off...
and i made the silly decision of wearing my sis' high heels for todae so that i can fix my shoe back properly.
and gosh. i was running late for my company bus...
dragging my feet wif the heels.. i try to walk at high speed *which obviously isn't very fast cos it's the first time i'm wearing heels for work*
court shoes would probably be a better choice. =S with not so high heels. -_-
when i walked halfway to my pickup point for my bus... in the heart of bukit batok central... at ard 7.28am...
a girl in pink top, white skirt wif blue flowers, in a brown jacket, with loads of barang barang... juz fell down all of a sudden...
with the heel of her left shoe thrown somewhat 20 metres ahead of her.
that's it man.... first miss company bus... next spoil someone else's shoe *that's like the third time in the year. =S* and most importantly, INCREASED the girl's hatred towards wearing heels...
so after a short discussion with her mum, the girl decided to forfeit her work todae and go home... HAHAHAHAHA~
which explains y someone is unexpectedly at home at such... unusual hours... ha~ typing blog somemore...
oh well... at most... from now onwards, we can change our impression of 女强人 to someone wearing a powersuit, with long hair tied into a sleek ponytail, carrying her black leather bag, waering... erms... a pair of flat bottom shoes? sandals? slippers?
*disclaimer : if u are one of the "lucky" few who saw the girl in pink top, white skirt wif blue flowers, in brown jacket, with loads of barang barang, who fell down at bb central at ard that time, that girl's definitely not me. really... believe me.*
so todae i took one step nearer towards my goal of becoming a 女强人...
by wearing the much dreaded heels.
oh well... it's juz cos my usual flat bottom pair of shoes has decided that it has enuff of me... the deco on the shoe is almost dropping off...
and i made the silly decision of wearing my sis' high heels for todae so that i can fix my shoe back properly.
and gosh. i was running late for my company bus...
dragging my feet wif the heels.. i try to walk at high speed *which obviously isn't very fast cos it's the first time i'm wearing heels for work*
court shoes would probably be a better choice. =S with not so high heels. -_-
when i walked halfway to my pickup point for my bus... in the heart of bukit batok central... at ard 7.28am...
a girl in pink top, white skirt wif blue flowers, in a brown jacket, with loads of barang barang... juz fell down all of a sudden...
with the heel of her left shoe thrown somewhat 20 metres ahead of her.
that's it man.... first miss company bus... next spoil someone else's shoe *that's like the third time in the year. =S* and most importantly, INCREASED the girl's hatred towards wearing heels...
so after a short discussion with her mum, the girl decided to forfeit her work todae and go home... HAHAHAHAHA~
which explains y someone is unexpectedly at home at such... unusual hours... ha~ typing blog somemore...
oh well... at most... from now onwards, we can change our impression of 女强人 to someone wearing a powersuit, with long hair tied into a sleek ponytail, carrying her black leather bag, waering... erms... a pair of flat bottom shoes? sandals? slippers?
*disclaimer : if u are one of the "lucky" few who saw the girl in pink top, white skirt wif blue flowers, in brown jacket, with loads of barang barang, who fell down at bb central at ard that time, that girl's definitely not me. really... believe me.*
18 April 2005
it's been a long time since i've last updated here...
nothing much for me to say... juz that... i'm still alive and kicking...
though barely... ha~
oh well.. wad better things could be happening to me now? juz that insomnia strikes back again. it's kinda irritating cos u know u have loads of things to tackle the next day but ur mind is juz filled with loads of thoughts and u juz can't let go and drift to dreamland. oh wait, i'll rather not have any dreams.
lunch break at my company now. it sux cos i'm eating alone in the office, and my boss is having pms. bossing pple ard, and i'm not in a good mood to tackle her bossy-ness todae cos i juz din have any sleep last night... but who cares, not like she cares... and maybe i don't care as well... hahaz~
oh well... that's the tired sotong for ya, folks... hahaz~
horoscope says todae that i've got five stars for love and romance, four stars for work, and three stars for finanace... oh well... somehow i dun believe it now... hahaz~ furnie siaz~ to think that i believed so much in horoscope, tarot cards and stuff for the past week... guess it's been the only things supporting me for the past week... to prevent me from collapsing from all sorts of things happening...
nothing really matters now i guess. juz... maybe... sleep.. hahaz~ and maybe earning more money....
too many thoughts in my mind the past week... not intending to bore or bother pple wif them. cos it's either they dun care, or they wun understand, or it doesn't concern them or even cos i dun see the need for them to understand. and not forgetting that it'll simply waste their time trying to listen to my woes.
all of a sudden i sound so yuchun-ish... hahaz~ *winkz at yuchun*
i juz bought the FIR cd at the expense of my cyndi cd... lolz~ guess u'll have to sacrifice some things to gain other things... hahaz~ principle of equivalent trade... something which i realised... quite long ago... no regrets anyway... cos it's a darn nice cd... =) but of course, i feel personally that this cd is more... "dark" than their first cd... loads of depressing songs... u most prob will think... aiyah... these songs nothing much one lar... but as u listen on u'll realise that there's more to that simple music...
which is y i'm crazy over the cd now.. hahaz~
and junyi! dun come rubbing in my wounds saying that u have dvd player *which i obviously dun* and that i shall give u my dvd from the FIR cd to u... hahaz~
oh well.. i was joking upstairs... =Pp
sighz. let's juz hope that my bossy boss wun ask me to stay back for OT again. like she always does whenever i dun have tuition. -_-
i wan sleep... ... ...
nothing much for me to say... juz that... i'm still alive and kicking...
though barely... ha~
oh well.. wad better things could be happening to me now? juz that insomnia strikes back again. it's kinda irritating cos u know u have loads of things to tackle the next day but ur mind is juz filled with loads of thoughts and u juz can't let go and drift to dreamland. oh wait, i'll rather not have any dreams.
lunch break at my company now. it sux cos i'm eating alone in the office, and my boss is having pms. bossing pple ard, and i'm not in a good mood to tackle her bossy-ness todae cos i juz din have any sleep last night... but who cares, not like she cares... and maybe i don't care as well... hahaz~
oh well... that's the tired sotong for ya, folks... hahaz~
horoscope says todae that i've got five stars for love and romance, four stars for work, and three stars for finanace... oh well... somehow i dun believe it now... hahaz~ furnie siaz~ to think that i believed so much in horoscope, tarot cards and stuff for the past week... guess it's been the only things supporting me for the past week... to prevent me from collapsing from all sorts of things happening...
nothing really matters now i guess. juz... maybe... sleep.. hahaz~ and maybe earning more money....
too many thoughts in my mind the past week... not intending to bore or bother pple wif them. cos it's either they dun care, or they wun understand, or it doesn't concern them or even cos i dun see the need for them to understand. and not forgetting that it'll simply waste their time trying to listen to my woes.
all of a sudden i sound so yuchun-ish... hahaz~ *winkz at yuchun*
i juz bought the FIR cd at the expense of my cyndi cd... lolz~ guess u'll have to sacrifice some things to gain other things... hahaz~ principle of equivalent trade... something which i realised... quite long ago... no regrets anyway... cos it's a darn nice cd... =) but of course, i feel personally that this cd is more... "dark" than their first cd... loads of depressing songs... u most prob will think... aiyah... these songs nothing much one lar... but as u listen on u'll realise that there's more to that simple music...
which is y i'm crazy over the cd now.. hahaz~
and junyi! dun come rubbing in my wounds saying that u have dvd player *which i obviously dun* and that i shall give u my dvd from the FIR cd to u... hahaz~
oh well.. i was joking upstairs... =Pp
sighz. let's juz hope that my bossy boss wun ask me to stay back for OT again. like she always does whenever i dun have tuition. -_-
i wan sleep... ... ...
13 April 2005
09 April 2005
04 April 2005
回家路上我看到天上繁星。。。
想到我们都在同个星空下。。。
大家都在寻找同样的东西。。。
但偏偏一个人拥有时，
另一个人是无法得到他想得到的东西。。。
为了得到那样东西。。。
人人开始勾心斗角，互相伤害。。。
是否曾想过，想得到的东西并不能靠蛮力得到呢？
为了追求心里所要的，所以你有了这些举动。
你是对的。
但。。。我就是错的吗？
虽然我无法像你一样体会你的感受，
我还是能明白你的心情。。。
我们最初追求的是什么？而现在追求的又是什么？
这两者是否相同？
这场星球大战究竟要打到什么时候？
为了达到目的，一个人可不惜一切，
忘了自我，拼命伤害人。。。
但是。。。在让别人心痛的当而，
那个人的心不会痛吗？
是否有想保护一个人的念头呢？
而当你发现你根本没有能力保护他，
这种沮丧。。。有人能明白吗？
只能说声。。。对不起。。。
或许，唯一能庆幸的是。。。
他根本就不需要你的保护吧。。。
哈哈~
托我家人与好友的福，最近我好多了。。。
谢谢你们。。。 =) 你们对我这么好。。。
我真的不知如何报答你们。。。哈哈~
我想我唯一能做的就是好好的活下去，
不要让你们对我的期望落空。。。还有。。。
不管面对到什么挫折都要用一张笑脸去面对。。。
不论伤害多么深，不论过程多么苦，我想，
唯有这样，我才能真正体会到人生的酸甜苦辣。。。
或许我得学习学习草或竹的精神。。。
要像它们一样的柔中带刚。。。
虽然我觉得这始终不会发生。。。
但我还是相信。。。
如果一个人感到内疚，
他人要的并不是对不起，
而是那个人用行动来证明。。。
想到我们都在同个星空下。。。
大家都在寻找同样的东西。。。
但偏偏一个人拥有时，
另一个人是无法得到他想得到的东西。。。
为了得到那样东西。。。
人人开始勾心斗角，互相伤害。。。
是否曾想过，想得到的东西并不能靠蛮力得到呢？
为了追求心里所要的，所以你有了这些举动。
你是对的。
但。。。我就是错的吗？
虽然我无法像你一样体会你的感受，
我还是能明白你的心情。。。
我们最初追求的是什么？而现在追求的又是什么？
这两者是否相同？
这场星球大战究竟要打到什么时候？
为了达到目的，一个人可不惜一切，
忘了自我，拼命伤害人。。。
但是。。。在让别人心痛的当而，
那个人的心不会痛吗？
是否有想保护一个人的念头呢？
而当你发现你根本没有能力保护他，
这种沮丧。。。有人能明白吗？
只能说声。。。对不起。。。
或许，唯一能庆幸的是。。。
他根本就不需要你的保护吧。。。
哈哈~
托我家人与好友的福，最近我好多了。。。
谢谢你们。。。 =) 你们对我这么好。。。
我真的不知如何报答你们。。。哈哈~
我想我唯一能做的就是好好的活下去，
不要让你们对我的期望落空。。。还有。。。
不管面对到什么挫折都要用一张笑脸去面对。。。
不论伤害多么深，不论过程多么苦，我想，
唯有这样，我才能真正体会到人生的酸甜苦辣。。。
或许我得学习学习草或竹的精神。。。
要像它们一样的柔中带刚。。。
虽然我觉得这始终不会发生。。。
但我还是相信。。。
如果一个人感到内疚，
他人要的并不是对不起，
而是那个人用行动来证明。。。
01 April 2005
~ 恋上我的影子 ~
我爱上了一个人。
他是个沉默寡言的人。
他从不计较我的缺点，
也不在乎我对他的大呼小叫。
当我需要他时，他都会悄悄陪在我身边。
当我心烦意躁，他便让我独自解开心结。
当我快乐时，他就静静地站在我后头享受我的喜悦。
当我难过时，他就默默地守在我身旁抚慰我的创伤。
不论我想要做什么，他都从不拒绝我的要求。
即使伤害了他，他也不会因此而爱我少一些。
他会永远永远的陪在我的身旁。
不论生老病死都不会舍我而去。
虽然我听不到他的声音，也感觉不到他的温度。。。
但。。。这种滋味还是温暖的。。。嘻嘻~
他是个沉默寡言的人。
他从不计较我的缺点，
也不在乎我对他的大呼小叫。
当我需要他时，他都会悄悄陪在我身边。
当我心烦意躁，他便让我独自解开心结。
当我快乐时，他就静静地站在我后头享受我的喜悦。
当我难过时，他就默默地守在我身旁抚慰我的创伤。
不论我想要做什么，他都从不拒绝我的要求。
即使伤害了他，他也不会因此而爱我少一些。
他会永远永远的陪在我的身旁。
不论生老病死都不会舍我而去。
虽然我听不到他的声音，也感觉不到他的温度。。。
但。。。这种滋味还是温暖的。。。嘻嘻~
~ 恋上我的影子 ~
31 March 2005
Music of the Night
Night time sharpens
heightens each sensation...
Darkness wakes
and stirs imagination
Silently the senses
abandon their defences
Helpless to resist
the notes I write
For I compose
the music of the night...
Slowly, gently
night unfurls its splendour.
Grasp it, sense it -
tremulous and tender
Hearing is believing
music is deceiving
Hard as lightning
soft as candlelight
dare you trust
the music of the night...
Close your eyes
for your eyes will only tell the truth
And the truth
isn't what you want to see.
In the dark
it is easy to pretend
that the truth
is what it ought to be.
Softly, deftly
music shall caress you...
Hear it, feel it
secretly possess you...
Open up your mind
let your fantasies unwind
in this darkness which
you know you cannot fight -
the darkness of
the music of the night...
Close your eyes
start a journey through a
strange new world!
Leave all thoughts
of the world
you knew before!
Close your eyes
and let music set you free...
Only then
can you belong to me...
Floating, falling
sweet intoxication!
Touch me, trust me
savour each sensation...
Let the dream begin
let your darker side
give in
to the power of the music that I write -
the power of
the music of the night...
You alone
can make my song take flight -
help me make
the music of the night...
heightens each sensation...
Darkness wakes
and stirs imagination
Silently the senses
abandon their defences
Helpless to resist
the notes I write
For I compose
the music of the night...
Slowly, gently
night unfurls its splendour.
Grasp it, sense it -
tremulous and tender
Hearing is believing
music is deceiving
Hard as lightning
soft as candlelight
dare you trust
the music of the night...
Close your eyes
for your eyes will only tell the truth
And the truth
isn't what you want to see.
In the dark
it is easy to pretend
that the truth
is what it ought to be.
Softly, deftly
music shall caress you...
Hear it, feel it
secretly possess you...
Open up your mind
let your fantasies unwind
in this darkness which
you know you cannot fight -
the darkness of
the music of the night...
Close your eyes
start a journey through a
strange new world!
Leave all thoughts
of the world
you knew before!
Close your eyes
and let music set you free...
Only then
can you belong to me...
Floating, falling
sweet intoxication!
Touch me, trust me
savour each sensation...
Let the dream begin
let your darker side
give in
to the power of the music that I write -
the power of
the music of the night...
You alone
can make my song take flight -
help me make
the music of the night...
~ music of the night ~
28 March 2005
tonite.. is an extremely reflective night for me...
had OT todae... managed to tom pang ching's car... *brand new white car wif red seats! lolz!* was super duper happy cos i was gossipping wif teena earlier abt trying to get to tom pang his car... and i actually achieved my task! lolz~ his car's darn cool... feels as though i'm sitting in a sports car... nice sound system... hehez~
feel a little bad larz... cos i'm quite mean to him... hahaz~ so maybe cos the sake of him being nice to me todae... i shall be a little nicer towards him... ha~ jokings~ :P
next... after ching dropped me off at jurong east mrt station... made a beeline to find pansy at her cookie shop... helped to arrange some of the cookies for baking... and chatted wif her.. realised how 幸福 i am cos i dun have to worry so much abt uni school fees... haiz~
thinking of my uni application... wondering which uni i should go to next... even up till now... though i thought i've made up my mind... somehow there's something nudging me at the back of my mind... as though as it's asking me to reconsider this whole thing again...
maybe i haven't been too serious abt thinking this whole issue... been trying to follow down the easy path... to follow my parent's wishes... but then... is this wad i really want?
even now... after having so much time to think through... i still dun really have the answer...
someone once said to me... that he's envious that i already know wad i have in mind with regards to my future... now... i actually feel a little 惭愧 cos... hehez... u're wrong abt me... lolz!
feeling slightly lucky now... cos... i managed to tom pang ching's car... *sniggers* plus i dun have to worry as much abt my uni school fees as pansy does... *sighz* and.... maybe.. like wad pansy said... there's no tsunami in singapore.. lolz~
have u ever thought abt... blog ethics? how true are the things u type on ur blog?
y are u even blogging?
issit a channel for u to vent out ur emotions?
or issit juz a channel for u to get some pity from the rest of the world?
how true...or... how much should one believe when they read the things on your blog?
the naive me believed the things pple wrote on the blogs wholesale... and now.. i realised... how terribly gullible i am... hahaz~
i guess... pple have their own freedom... whether they wanna scold the rest of the world how life is so horrible and stuff... and even as readers sometimes u juz feel like telling them to shaddup... but.. oh well... it's still their blog... if u're unhappy u can juz leave their blogs alone.. i guess.. lolz~
oh well.. this reminds me of how i closed my first od... lolz~
uni uni uni... application closes in... say... 4 more days time... and i still haven't paid my $10 bucks to ntu... sians... -_- there goes my ten bucks... of hard earned money... =X *well... not exactly mine... cos it's my dad writing the cheque.. but still... can still feel the pain.. lolz~*
i think i've said this b4... ever since i've started work... i've come to realise how hard it is to earn money... and... i'm starting to appreciate the little wealth i have now.. hahaz~
finally truly understand the importance to saving up le... actually... now i'm a little scared that i dun have enuff money to support my own living expenditure... cos i know that i'm in no position to pay for my full uni fees... so the most i can do is to use my own money to survive out there... now earning abt 1000+ monthly bah... but somehow it seems like the agent cheated me on my $$... *sobz~* but aniwae... some money is better than no money.. hahaz... so i better not complain b4 pple like pansy... weijie.... and the rest of the army guys start attacking me wif stones.. grenades... wadeva... hahaz~
i wonder wad holds in store for me tml... tuition again wif my little devil *winkz to sheila* more stock taking... more blue blacks on my knees blah blah blah... paper cuts on my hand... *gosh.. i sound like i'm torturing myself rather than working.. lolz!* oh well... let's juz hope that everything will be well... =) and pray that maybe ching will be nice enuff to tom pang me again... lolz!
had OT todae... managed to tom pang ching's car... *brand new white car wif red seats! lolz!* was super duper happy cos i was gossipping wif teena earlier abt trying to get to tom pang his car... and i actually achieved my task! lolz~ his car's darn cool... feels as though i'm sitting in a sports car... nice sound system... hehez~
feel a little bad larz... cos i'm quite mean to him... hahaz~ so maybe cos the sake of him being nice to me todae... i shall be a little nicer towards him... ha~ jokings~ :P
next... after ching dropped me off at jurong east mrt station... made a beeline to find pansy at her cookie shop... helped to arrange some of the cookies for baking... and chatted wif her.. realised how 幸福 i am cos i dun have to worry so much abt uni school fees... haiz~
thinking of my uni application... wondering which uni i should go to next... even up till now... though i thought i've made up my mind... somehow there's something nudging me at the back of my mind... as though as it's asking me to reconsider this whole thing again...
maybe i haven't been too serious abt thinking this whole issue... been trying to follow down the easy path... to follow my parent's wishes... but then... is this wad i really want?
even now... after having so much time to think through... i still dun really have the answer...
someone once said to me... that he's envious that i already know wad i have in mind with regards to my future... now... i actually feel a little 惭愧 cos... hehez... u're wrong abt me... lolz!
feeling slightly lucky now... cos... i managed to tom pang ching's car... *sniggers* plus i dun have to worry as much abt my uni school fees as pansy does... *sighz* and.... maybe.. like wad pansy said... there's no tsunami in singapore.. lolz~
have u ever thought abt... blog ethics? how true are the things u type on ur blog?
y are u even blogging?
issit a channel for u to vent out ur emotions?
or issit juz a channel for u to get some pity from the rest of the world?
how true...or... how much should one believe when they read the things on your blog?
the naive me believed the things pple wrote on the blogs wholesale... and now.. i realised... how terribly gullible i am... hahaz~
i guess... pple have their own freedom... whether they wanna scold the rest of the world how life is so horrible and stuff... and even as readers sometimes u juz feel like telling them to shaddup... but.. oh well... it's still their blog... if u're unhappy u can juz leave their blogs alone.. i guess.. lolz~
oh well.. this reminds me of how i closed my first od... lolz~
uni uni uni... application closes in... say... 4 more days time... and i still haven't paid my $10 bucks to ntu... sians... -_- there goes my ten bucks... of hard earned money... =X *well... not exactly mine... cos it's my dad writing the cheque.. but still... can still feel the pain.. lolz~*
i think i've said this b4... ever since i've started work... i've come to realise how hard it is to earn money... and... i'm starting to appreciate the little wealth i have now.. hahaz~
finally truly understand the importance to saving up le... actually... now i'm a little scared that i dun have enuff money to support my own living expenditure... cos i know that i'm in no position to pay for my full uni fees... so the most i can do is to use my own money to survive out there... now earning abt 1000+ monthly bah... but somehow it seems like the agent cheated me on my $$... *sobz~* but aniwae... some money is better than no money.. hahaz... so i better not complain b4 pple like pansy... weijie.... and the rest of the army guys start attacking me wif stones.. grenades... wadeva... hahaz~
i wonder wad holds in store for me tml... tuition again wif my little devil *winkz to sheila* more stock taking... more blue blacks on my knees blah blah blah... paper cuts on my hand... *gosh.. i sound like i'm torturing myself rather than working.. lolz!* oh well... let's juz hope that everything will be well... =) and pray that maybe ching will be nice enuff to tom pang me again... lolz!
27 March 2005
26 March 2005
是否有想过。。。醉到底是什么滋味？
原来。。。酒是那么苦。。。有那么难喝。。。
但为什么又有那么多人可以忍受那种苦，还喝得津津有味？
我是否现在徘徊在醉与不醉之间？
请你让我醉吧。。。
因为。。。只有醉，我才能哭出来。
原来。。。从头到尾。。。她在你心目中还是最重要的。
原来。。。一切只是一场美丽的梦。
原来。。。我从头到尾在你心里也没有什么分量。
有一点后悔。。。为什么没有喝多一点。。。虽然听古人说。。。喝酒消愁愁更愁。。。
或许。。。也只有醉，才能使自己忘我。。。让自己的面具脱落。。。做真正的自己。。。不再勉强，不再硬撑。。。
想哭就哭，想笑就笑。
到底我们活在这个世界有何意义？
意义是由自己所定，但当一个人发现自己的意义原来根本不成立，失去了活着的意义。。。到底。。。为什么他还会死死咬住生命，逼自己活下去？
开心？快乐？悲伤？愤怒？这些情绪。。。似乎。。。已经从我的词典消失。
只是呆呆地。。。望着面前的荧光幕。。。
这是希望事情发生在自己身上？就这样被动。。。对周遭无动于衷。。。直到再也无法沉默，直到有一天当初所感受到的情绪一一重现？
够了。
如果一个人能不用有那么多顾虑，想做什么就做，想走就走。。。那该多好。。。
原来。。。酒是那么苦。。。有那么难喝。。。
但为什么又有那么多人可以忍受那种苦，还喝得津津有味？
我是否现在徘徊在醉与不醉之间？
请你让我醉吧。。。
因为。。。只有醉，我才能哭出来。
原来。。。从头到尾。。。她在你心目中还是最重要的。
原来。。。一切只是一场美丽的梦。
原来。。。我从头到尾在你心里也没有什么分量。
有一点后悔。。。为什么没有喝多一点。。。虽然听古人说。。。喝酒消愁愁更愁。。。
或许。。。也只有醉，才能使自己忘我。。。让自己的面具脱落。。。做真正的自己。。。不再勉强，不再硬撑。。。
想哭就哭，想笑就笑。
到底我们活在这个世界有何意义？
意义是由自己所定，但当一个人发现自己的意义原来根本不成立，失去了活着的意义。。。到底。。。为什么他还会死死咬住生命，逼自己活下去？
开心？快乐？悲伤？愤怒？这些情绪。。。似乎。。。已经从我的词典消失。
只是呆呆地。。。望着面前的荧光幕。。。
这是希望事情发生在自己身上？就这样被动。。。对周遭无动于衷。。。直到再也无法沉默，直到有一天当初所感受到的情绪一一重现？
够了。
如果一个人能不用有那么多顾虑，想做什么就做，想走就走。。。那该多好。。。
24 March 2005
things running through my mind for the past week...
black leather wallet
jay chou
basketball
blue shirt with white strip in the middle
soft cuddly teddy bear
naruto poster
david tao
lord of the rings
co
volleyball
camera phone
msn
s.h.e
orange flip flops
oldies
naruto figurines
an abandoned diary
an unfinished cross stitch
and...
the warm liquid trickling down within my heart
which is... essentially... nothing. ha~
unless u read beneath the surface.
todae's a super tiring day for me... as u can probably already sense from my entry... had 6 hours of sleep but still it wasn't enough... slept slightly more than the day b4... but ended up being more tired than yesterday... lolz~ darn ironic siaz...
round 1 of stock taking was finally... well.. sorta done... *thank god.* meaning... no OT on sat and sun! *applause pls* but still my mind juz went giddy from all the filing i had to pia finish cos i juz din bother abt them for like.. the past week? lolz~
then it's tuition... it was darn furnie todae... benedict kept complaining he's itchy all over, so i told him to take a quick bath... *now now, where got such a good tutor like me? ha~* and after he bathe, den he anyhow comb his hair... so they're standing up... and so naughty me took pics using my cam phone... make him wear his sunglasses... spike up his hair.. blah blah blah... *gosh, i dun sound like i'm giving tuition, am i? hahaz~*
next up, teach him do chinese again... -_- almost vomit blood again... cos he try to 造句 but the sentences turn out darn furnies... -_- jialats... me too tired can't remember the exact sentences le... hahaz.. but i sure had fun laffing at the furnie stuff he said... up till the point.. i can't laff anymore... lolz~ sometimes he really put me on my wit's ends... -_-
now finally back home... too tired to do anything else... haven't eaten dinner, haven't bathe... yucks. haiz~ lucky tml is hol, or else i sure mati le. :P
black leather wallet
jay chou
basketball
blue shirt with white strip in the middle
soft cuddly teddy bear
naruto poster
david tao
lord of the rings
co
volleyball
camera phone
msn
s.h.e
orange flip flops
oldies
naruto figurines
an abandoned diary
an unfinished cross stitch
and...
the warm liquid trickling down within my heart
which is... essentially... nothing. ha~
unless u read beneath the surface.
todae's a super tiring day for me... as u can probably already sense from my entry... had 6 hours of sleep but still it wasn't enough... slept slightly more than the day b4... but ended up being more tired than yesterday... lolz~ darn ironic siaz...
round 1 of stock taking was finally... well.. sorta done... *thank god.* meaning... no OT on sat and sun! *applause pls* but still my mind juz went giddy from all the filing i had to pia finish cos i juz din bother abt them for like.. the past week? lolz~
then it's tuition... it was darn furnie todae... benedict kept complaining he's itchy all over, so i told him to take a quick bath... *now now, where got such a good tutor like me? ha~* and after he bathe, den he anyhow comb his hair... so they're standing up... and so naughty me took pics using my cam phone... make him wear his sunglasses... spike up his hair.. blah blah blah... *gosh, i dun sound like i'm giving tuition, am i? hahaz~*
next up, teach him do chinese again... -_- almost vomit blood again... cos he try to 造句 but the sentences turn out darn furnies... -_- jialats... me too tired can't remember the exact sentences le... hahaz.. but i sure had fun laffing at the furnie stuff he said... up till the point.. i can't laff anymore... lolz~ sometimes he really put me on my wit's ends... -_-
now finally back home... too tired to do anything else... haven't eaten dinner, haven't bathe... yucks. haiz~ lucky tml is hol, or else i sure mati le. :P
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)