想了又想，猜了又猜。。。 但最终。。。我还是无法才穿你的心思，而你却把我看得那么透彻。。。
你到底要跟世上的人说多少谎言？
你到底要伤我到几时？
难道你从头到尾都没说过一句真心话？
难道你想让我把爱变成恨？
伤也伤，痛也痛。。。但到了最终，我还是无法忘记我是多么爱你。
busy day for me... had stock taking again... *sians*

stupid me ar... yesterday for lunch.. cos all the stuff there not nice liddat... so bo bian, decide to eat muslim food... mee siam... it was so darn hot! even when i din pour in the sauce and stuff... after i ate like 3 gulps of the mee siam i was already on fire le... gulp down half a bottle of water... *goes to show wad a lousy eater of spicy food i am... ha~* but somehow i managed to finish the whole packet of mee siam... *cos... muz 想到非洲的小孩。。。他们没东西吃。。。haiz~* but this juz became the start of my... erms.. troubles.. hahaz...

so this morning i woke up at ard 5+... supposedly wake up at 6.40am.... den cannot go back to sleep... stomach feeling furnies... body sweating all over... -_- *maybe weather hot, i thought...* so juz closed my eyes all da way until 6.40... wake up go wash up... den started having diarrhoea... -_-

wanted to take leave todae... budden... hahaz... who ask the naughty me... two weeks ago... took full day leave on friday saying i got diarrhoea when actually i wanted to 逃班... hahaz~ so now... especially wif the stock taking thingy... din dare to take leave... *sobz* so went for work wif an upset stomach... whole morning look super siandeds... den my collegues were laffing at me cos i have diarrhoea like every once a few weeks... -_- but oh well... hahaz~

went toilet like dunno how many times le... after much reluctance ate some medicine le... finally could proceed wif stock taking... now stock taking is in the hardest stages le... need to stock take items on the racks which are like ultra darn heavy... stupid me once again made a stupid blunder... i tried to move this box of gears from the shelf... ended up toppling it... and the oil in the gear set juz... leak from the cardboard box... leak onto the floor... onto my hand... onto my windbreaker!!! -_- wah... super sway... and still muz clear up the mess... siandeds... -_-

and my stupid collegue ching.... he got loads of stuff cannot finish or dun wanna do den last time used to dump to me... so now i a bit the bad lar... complain to him that i dun wanna come back on sat and sun for stock taking *cos if i din finish then they all have to come back aniwae...* so i ask him to help me wif stock taking mah... den he say... "aiyah! i very busy ar! very tired ar! everyday tired!" -_-


and this really reminded me of someone...


okies.. enuff of work stuff le... after work *which i somehow managed to tahan* went for tuition... and benedict was... well... quite furnies.. lolz~ try to teach him chinese... den we came across this 造句-- 血汗... and his 造句 was... "他流了很多血汗，真肮脏！"

and i was like... er... er... -_-'''

and i was such a lousy tutor... -_- can't even decide whether it's singular or plural for this sentence... neither jon nor albert ____ gone to the zoo yet... den when my student and my brother told me it's plural den i tot.. maybe it's plural.. but now when i come home to check wif kelvin and jiahong and blah blah blah.... it seems that it's singular leh... super mega jialats! -_- wad if i tell my student the wrong thing again? AGAIN?? -_-

geez... -_-






the only thing i can do now is to chase away all sorrow wif my smile, and all the tears wif my laughter...

wad about you?

let's hope tomolo will be a better day... =)

heard this new 戴佩妮 song on 933 a few days ago... juz wanna post this song lyrics here... hehez~

爱疯了
歌手:戴佩妮 专辑:爱疯了

不敢问 却一直想问 你心里藏着什么人
不敢猜 却一直想猜 若回去有没有可能

我不够完整 你给的从来不够完整
连一个语气都无法确认 这种缺乏是什么象征

不开灯 我不要开灯 我身边容不下别的人
不锁门 我不要锁门 你回来是一种可能

我那么的认真 去思考你对我的认真
是多么伤害你 结果始终是疑问

我爱疯了 我疯到自己痛也不晓得
放弃了保护自己的责任 放弃了抵抗脆弱的天份
我不管了 我不管这伤口能不能愈合
选择了你也许是错的人 选择了包容你的不安分

我尊重我的选择
我想我疯了

不开灯 我不要开灯 我身边容不下别的人
不锁门 我不要锁门 你回来是一种可能

我那么的认真 去思考你对我的认真
或许是多么伤害人 而结论始终是疑问

我爱疯了 我疯到自己痛也不晓得
放弃了保护自己的责任 放弃了抵抗脆弱的天份
我不管了 我不管这伤口能不能愈合
选择了你也许是错的人 选择包容了你的不安分

请尊重我的选择
我想我疯了

温柔。。。是不是一个弱点？

就拿青草来做个例子吧。。。在人的眼里，它是那么不起眼。。。人人都在它身上蹂躏。。。

难道一个人的温柔，就会让周围的人看不起，并把他当草一样的蹂躏？

为什么要温柔？因为不想让别人受伤，便对大家温柔对待。。。但是就因为这样，大家便利用他的温柔，来达到他们自己的目的。。。温柔只会让一个人更容易受伤。。。让别人伤害他。。。

温柔的对待他人，是希望他人也能温柔地对待他。。。但往往。。。这或许只是个天真的想法吧。。。

草。。。就是那么的温柔。。。就算被天底下的人蹂躏，也从没抱怨。。。

或许。。。就是因为它的温柔，所以它根本没有抱怨的念头。。。 也没有办法向世人抱怨他们对自己的虐待。。。

不知道为什么。。。我突然很欣赏草在面对这些人的蹂躏所表现的勇气和坚韧的毅力。。。

如果突然刮一场大风，第一个倒下的，是周围的大树，而不是那毫不起眼的草。。。树虽然雄伟，但最终无法像草一样的屹立不倒。。。
















okies... enuff of grass talk...

having a headache now... was out wif my family to suntec... had loads of fun shopping! XD bought loads of nice food for dinner.. =) it felt nice being out wif my mum and sis... cos... well... the three of us were walking in a huge crowd... and stupid 斯文 me din wanna squeeze my way through... being too polite to everybody le... so in the end when my mum and sis squeezed their way through le... i was still stuck in the crowd... den my mum scolded me... so 斯文 for wad? den she held my hand and guided me through the place for the rest of the day... hahaz~

it felt... comforting...

furnies hor? i mean... i'm the elder sis... supposed to take care of other pple.. but there i was being taken care of by my mum and my younger sis *oh well... my sis din take care of me exactly.... but.. hahaz~ dunno larz...*

finally i got to unwind a little this weekend... this week was horrible for me.. wif OT everyday... -_- finally i buay tahan yesterday... asked to be excused from OT... muahahahaz! XD

oh well... if they din let me not go for OT.. i guess i'll probably quit my job... lolz~

aniwae... long time no update le... so... juz to say... yar yar... i'm still alive... though barely... lolz~

and i can't imagine how i will be next week... wif all the OT and probably wif work on sat and sun... -_- geez... wish me luck that i wun die next week! lolz~

for the first time in my entire life.... i've.... FINALLY... got to do OT... hahaz... *applause pls*

oh well... nth much to OT larz... juz that i worked one more extra hour... that's all... lolz~ dunno whether i actually look forward to it... i guess i was juz... bored stiff at home... can't wait to get myself more attatched to work... -_- becoming a workaholic, i guess... ha~

after OT... the unbashful me simply tom pang teena's hubby's pickup all the way to boon lay mrt... *gosh. i feel that i'm such an impolite young lady.. -_-* and at boon lay mrt... i met... PAULINE!!! lolz~ mega surprise... oh well.. not surprising either... cos she always does OT... lolz~

but still... really really happy to see her.. =) din chat much... she juz asked me wad i'm working as now... and i only managed to tell her a little... den we had to part cos we reached the station, den i need to post letters... -_-

after that... went to west mall and dropped by pansy's cookie shop... got to know ling ling better *she's pansy's boss...* a really nice person to chat wif! and i'm really surprised that she took triple e at ntu! *that's wad i plan to study next... but initially at nus... =X* after chatting wif her... i've have a slight change in opinion towards ntu... no idea why, but i tot it'll be better if i go nus to study... ha~ there goes the lack of insight on my part... lolz~

stayed at her shop for abt one and a half hour... busily pretending that i'm one of the shop tenders at the cookie shop... ha! but of course me the poser fail lar... dun really know how to promote the cookies.. hehez... in the end kanna treat by ling ling and pansy... nice nice chiffon cake! XD *feel like such a pig... lolz~*

chatted wif pansy a little.. chatting wif her always cheered me up... =)













now i've attained a new level of fatigue... YESH! i've not slept properly for three days! which is extremely annoying.. cos when i'm supposed to wake up at 640, i wake up at 520... -_- when i slept at 12 the night b4... -_- so sooner or later if my collegues see a panda reporting for work they'll know who/which that is... lolz~

oh well... surprisingly... though i feel extremely tired... i managed to chat a little wif my mum this morning without quarrelling with her *that's wad usually happens when i'm extremely tired and dun feel like getting up from bed most of the time* it feels... strangely comforting... though uncomfortable for me to tell her my troubles... cos i simply hide all my problems from my family... but strangely she could sense it... i dunno wad to say...

i guess... we all have to learn to grow... everybody is tired... nobody likes to get up early in the morning to work... but somehow... we still go for work almost everyday... putting me aside... wad abt those who have to take care of their kids? wun they be more tired than me? but.. does this stop them from fulfilling their duties as a parent? or as a responsible worker?

when u shun away from responsibilities and stuff, saying ur tired... pple will understand it once, twice or even thrice... but when u use this reason too often, it becomes sorta an excuse for u to get away from the things u're oblidged to do...

juz like... how i can't say i don't want to wash the dishes cos i'm tired...

the immature me used to rely on my parents to do all the stuff for me... come to think of it i feel quite ashamed... like.. making my bed... even when i was in jc2.. -_- good heavens. -_- such a simple task and i don't do my task, saying that i wanna grab more sleep, very tireds, no time... blah blah blah.

but of course... u can make time for such tasks IF u had the intention of doing so.

and of course... if u NEVER had the intention to do so, u'll never have the time to do these...













oh well... that's juz the tired sotong rumbling... =X

now i'm typing this for a second time cos of a stupid error on my browser... -_-




now i finally understand y women can be so so vain...

take jasmine, the HR personnel from my current company, for eg. she's married with two kids, and ard 30+... but.. she dresses like a 20+ youngster with those ultra short mini skirts, flashy shirts... as though she's going shopping along orchard road instead of going to work... moreover... she tries to eat as fast as she could during almost every lunch break so that she can go to the toilet and apply her facial products...

my first impression of her was... gosh. it's not that u're single and stuff... y bother so much with your looks?

but... i guess... i was pretty wrong.. hahaz~

during one of their lunch time conversations *which i kept my mouth shut and listened in while eating* the girls at my company were sharing their experience... of how men who love someone cos of their personality, and not the girl's looks AT ALL are extremely rare... like one in a million... oh wait.. make that one in a billion... hahaz~

heyz guys, dun start throwing stones at me... i mean... it's quite true, especially when the society judge someone from their looks most of the time...









and most ironically... after hearing their conversation... my view of jasmine took a 180degree change... ha~










speaking of dress sense... i've got a major problem... i realised ever since the day i changed comapny that.... i've got no clothes to wear to work... cos... my wardrobe only has jeans, jeans and more jeans.. -_- so after much consideration... i've finally decided that... i shall... somehow... make a move towards wearing more skirts... -_-

er... those guys who are close to me will probably know how much i hate wearing skirts.. ha~ so... i suppose this is good news to... well.. those guys... ha~

the thing is... before i start filling my wardrobe with skirts for work... i've still got... virtually nth to wear to work. unless i decide to wear my hc uni to work... ha! *see stones thrown towards myself* oh well... so now... kelvin ar... dun come and complain to me that guys have problem trying to find clothes to wear... cos... now... me with limited clothing for work... has to PLAN wad to wear the next day every night... -_- gosh. i din know i'll become so so desperate... -_-











oh well.. somehow i've got a feeling that... at the end of my 2-4 mths here at mazak *that's my current company* i'll somehow = transform = into a bimbo... ha~

or maybe it's part of growing up... -_-













okok.... enuff of the superficial skirt talk... let's move on to wad happened to me todae... couldn't sleep again... smsed kelvin "for help" and ended up waking him up... den later was late for my ktv date with kelvin, fiona and jasmine.... -_- it's like my second time, breaking my new year resolution.. nononono!!! cannot liddat le! =S

aniwae... sang until 3... in the middle, sometime ard 2, all of a sudden the tv screen went blank... but the audio continued singing... we went out to ask the personnel to help us... but she say... the screen went blank cos our time's over... -_- then cos jasmine was on the phone, outside the room, so the three of us decided to stay in the room, and then continue singing without the mtv... lolz~ sing until quite shuang... until.. that same personnel walked into our room at ard 2.40, fumbled with the tv, and said... ur can sing all the way to 3... WAH!!! LUCKY WE NEVER WALK OFF EARLY LEH! or else cannot sing more... and somemore we never finish singing all the david tao, lin jun jie, or zhang xue you songs.. lolz~ we all the way pia jay chou songs.. lolz! tried to sing all the songs available there... lolz~

after our jay chou craze... jasmine went home to prepare for her tuition session later in the day... den me kelvin and fiona went to ps walk walk... to try help kelvin decide wad to get for his friend... after much discussion, we still couldn't come to a conclusion... den we left ps... fiona went off first to meet up with her mum... den left me and kelvin rotting our time away at the arcade... lolz!

so sad!!! i couldn't finish the 5 stages of ddr... *sobz~* and we got stuck at the photohunt! *sobz* and the blind 象棋 we kept losing... ='( and on top of that... in our bid to complete the games... all our money juz... *fly away... 不管留下多少眼泪...* -_-













aniwae... i really wanna thank my kor... for accompanying me whenever i need someone beside me... to hear me rumble and rant about stuff... and for caring for me... i dunno wad to say... i dunno how to repay ur kindness... and... not forgetting randy... it was really sweet of u to call me late at night two nights ago... despite u being so busy and tired and stuff... really appreciate that... =) so... thankx guys... =)

it is not right for others to suffer cos u're suffering.

at least, that's how i feel now.

den... y issit that i dun do wad i preach?




had another sleepless night... juz... lie down on my bed... trying to get to sleep... morning came... and i finally gave up at 6... woke kelvin up... sorry... =X



no idea wad to do now... finished watching all my anime le... might be going out laters... still... dunno yet..



somehow.. i wish i had sleeping pills.. =X

queen of swords

Queen of Swords

The Queen of Swords was traditionally known as the widow, crone, or divorcee, the woman "no man would have." Nowadays we see her as a model of self-sufficiency, independence, and high intellect. She often has extremely high standards due to her subtle sensitivities, which can be perceived by those around her as being critical and hard to please. Her true motive is to refine the world, to upgrade people's understanding so everyone can have the space they need to individuate, to become truly themselves. She is not interested in conforming, which may be why she has a reputation for "being difficult." She is too intelligent to be confined to the role of housewife or nursemaid, although she is perfectly competent in those areas when she wants to be. She chooses her associations, and her aloneness, to serve her own agenda, and is seldom caught up in dependency relationships, at least not for long. Her critical intelligence is not always comfortable to be around, but she can be counted upon to see through superficialities and put her finger on the truth of the situation.

reason

do we need a reason for wadeva we do?

do we need a reason to simply be there?







and... even if u really have a reason... what if... the odds... are simply against you? would u have the strength to continue believing in your cause, to keep on going?







the stubborn me says... yes...

but the weary me says... no...



what an irony... ha~







就算累了，休息后能继续走





will the day when i'm finally no longer tired ever come?

insomnia strikes back again.

yes. insomnia strikes back again. woohoo~

i'm really tired... i really am.. but somehow i juz can't go to sleep... =X

all i know is that.. throughout the night... my mind kept singing songs... kept thinking abt... loads of things...







i juz... wanna thank... kelvin... and randy... for caring so much for me though i din do anything much for them... guess... this is called... true friends who really care about me... =)




i juz feel like a walking zombie now... so early in the morning, no one to talk to...

自己的心，也不懂飞到哪里了。

the future seems bleak. and there's no idea how i'll go on...




就算伤害，也还是会甘心地承受吗？
就算累了，也不会就此停止吗？
就算痛了，也不会寻解脱吗？



突然间，我找不到我的答案。

i once again realised... how everybody wears masks on this world... even probably to those u're the closest to...

it's to defend yourself, u say... everybody has to wear a mask to protect themselves...

but... would u take off your mask to... let's say... one person at all?




probably.... the flaw in me is that i've been wearing too thin a mask... letting pple peel my layers of mask too easily.. showing them my true self too easily... trusting them too easily... and letting them hurt me easily...




someone asked me... y issit that your blog sounds so depressing? i guess... my blog is a place where i try to remove most of my layers of mask... to show my true self... but now, i guess "in an attempt to protect myself" maybe i should revise my concept of how i want my blog to be like.. ha~










todae's my brother's bdae... happy birthday kaijun... though i only got u a cake as bdae present... hope it's still okies for u.. hehez~

furnie thing is that... the main character isn't home for dinner yet.. =X







okies... b4 i write this... and hope no one will come hum tam me cos of wad i really feel... juz wanna say... dun blame me for wad i really feel...

the truth is that.. todae i went to get my results... got good results... *not going to show them off online* but... somehow i wasn't happy... *sees pple throwing stones at me* no idea why oso...

called home to report to my mum my results... guess wad's her first reaction after hearing my report of my results? "你能上大学吗？" and i was like... -_-'''

of course i can go uni lar... so.. that cleaner uncle.. juz u wait.. hmph! =Pp

geez.. i guess i no longer make sense... hahaz~

shall go eat dinner le... =X

juz for fun...

Your Brain is 80.00% Female, 20.00% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

originally had loads of things on my mind for me to update... all of a sudden now... i'm at a loss of words...

these few days had been busy days for me... went for class gathering, ktv... not really loads of time for me to rest... and most of the time when i wasn't involved in any physical activities i was thinking...

pple keep having the impression i'm the youngest in the family while actually in reality i'm the exact opposite... i dunno whether this is good or bad... good in a sense.. cos i never wanted to be the eldest in the family... cos the responsibility... i'm juz not up to it... so i simply shun away from being the big sis all the time...

but then again... no matter how much i try to fight... it is already a fact that i'm the earliest to enter this living world than my two other siblings... and there's no way i can change my fate...

i've been running away from my responsibilities as an elder sis... never really been a good daughter to support my parents... maybe it's time for me to stop being so stubborn and to simply succumb to fate and simply carry out my responsibilities as the older sis...

but how?

now that i've kinda decided that i shall stop running, i have no idea to start walking or juz simply to stand... lolz~













remember how i really hated pple deh-ing to me? i juz realised that the most deh person is... actually... me... hahaz~ deh to my collegues... deh to my parents... deh to my siblings oso... juz to get away from the chores i dislike... or to get attention.... or simply to get them to do things for me... so that i can save the trouble.. hahaz... now i realised how ironic all the things i've been doing all the while... pot calling the kettle black... tell other pple to stop deh-ing while i've been deh-ing....

some things... u juz can't get them by simply throwing your temper around... or by trying to act cute... *furnie how this sounds so much like wad randy would say... ha~*













have been telling to those who were at the class gathering / ktv outing... how this cleaner uncle at my workplace was "cursing" me that i can't go into uni... all the while i didn't really think about this issue... until on friday... while i was working halfway.. this prc uncle came into our office to mop the floor... den he started talking non stop... target me loh... start talking abt.. how he wish i could stay in the company.. *which i said.. but i'm not going anywhere in chinese...* and then he juz continued talking as though i was going to stay in the company for the rest of my life... then i told him i'm going to uni... and he was like... "wad if u dun get into uni?" wao kaoz... the moment he said it i felt darn insulted... and he simply kept talking... making me feel more and more inferior... as though i really cannot get into uni liddat... until my tears were juz about to roll down from my eyes le... wad de... -_- stupid uncle... dun wanna talk to him any more.. =X

but after that... come to think of it... i laughed at how silly i was... i'm not the top of the class... neither am i the top of anything... where in the world would i have the confidence to say that i'll definitely get into uni? esp. considering how badly i screwed up for my a lvls... arrgh~ there's no point for me to confide into others abt this matter, for they'll simply say stuff like.. heyz~ u're in hc... hc pple most of them go uni... or.. heyz... ur results so much better than mine loh... sure can get 4 'A's... blah blah blah... the truth is... after hearing wad that cleaner uncle said... *who claims he was an engineer which i really doubt.. ha~* i really start to wonder...







and... wad exactly am i going to do after i receive my results? apply for scholarship? that is... if i manage to score well enuff... i simply cannot go on a scholarship sponsered by my parents... guess maybe i'll have to half work half study... but that'll mean i might not have time for other commitments... which i oso dun really wan... i guess the best i can do now is to save up as much as i can now... *which is quite hard considering that i'm such a spendrift... ha~* but oh well... i'm going to try as much as i can...




wad course am i going to take? issit engineering? issit really going to be engineering? i feel that i've somehow limited my choices ever since... well... i started thinking abt this issue... i feel that all those around me had their futures planned out... while mine is juz... well... hazy... grey... wadeva~ lolz~ not that i'm happy abt this.... in fact... i'm getting worried now... cos i'm so so blur about everything... i dun even know wad are the possible career options i can consider...

simply put... i dun even know wad i want...

and time is running out..













so... what issit that i've been doing for the past three months? all i know is that... i've been waiting... waiting for wad? i dunno... lolz~ waiting... for some... of the fog with regards to my future to clear? i dun even know... after re-reading my thoughts... i thought i sound confused... but then again... i'm not...

wad a paradox...

if u were here beside me, probably u can help me 指点迷津... ha~













是不是不论什么事都可以先苦后甜? 不论雨下得再大，雨天后一定会有彩虹？其实心里明明呢么明白，却是那么不愿相信...

todae... went for work first thing in the morning... woke up early... could have slept a bit more... nvm... start to prepare liao... going out of house, had an argument wif my mum wif regards to money stuff... den cause delay...

nvm... i rush all the way out... to try to make it on time for my interview... guess wad? on my way... my shoe strap broke. SUPER DUPER SWAY!!! aniwae... somehow i managed to stumble my way to my new company... somehow... by a stroke of luck.. i managed to get past the interview... and guess wad? i started work straight away... -_-

next.... pple brought me to the hr department to borrow shoes... managed to borrow one... feeling.. lucky... that someone actually brings extra shoes to the office.. lolz! but still.. after wad happened in the morning... somehow i still felt 七上八下...

oh yar... aniwae.. now i'm working at mazak... forgot the full name le... but... it's a jap company... quite furnies working wif a japanese boss leh... can understand wad they say a bit only... but dunno how to talk to them in jap.. haha! but aniwae.. todae i learnt a new phrase... hajimashite... i think... means 请多多指教... i think... hahaz~

and after lunch, while i walked back to my office.. i realised i broke the shoe strap of the shoe i borrowed... -_-'''

sighz. this is wad i call.. super sway. -_-

dunno y... it's only the first day of work... but i feel super uneasy in this new company... new faces, new environment... new... company policies... somehow... i started comparing life when i was back in tata precision wif this new life i have here at mazak... started missing the guys back at tata already... haiz... pauline, heng meng, alan, chris, jenny... blah blah blah... sighz~

after work *which dragged here and there* i was almost late for tuition... and kelvin kor had to wait for me so that we could take the same mrt home... haiz~ paiseh... =X been taking u for granted... thankx for being so nice to me while i've been so so mean to u all these while.. =X

aniwae... somehow i managed to drag myself to tuition... and benedict showed attitude to me. and i was like. heys... u're not the only one who's tired and dun wanna do work. i din wanna come to tutor u todae oso... hahaz! but still... managed to tahan through...

super duper tireds now. having a slight headache... never eat medicine for the whole day, not used to new working life, couldn't eat properly, broke two shoe straps in a go... super duper siandeds..

and now my sister who's simply so so pmsy these days decide to pick trouble wif me now. fine. -_-

i guess u're probably not the only one who can't handle stress.

haiz... let's hope a night's sleep can help me now.

todae... is a rather hectic day for me...

first of all... went to work... tml's my last day at tata precision *that's my company* and pple like alan and heng meng kept bullying me! *sobz~* heng meng tried to steal all my pens from my pencil case and poke fun at me.. den he took my whole tissue pack away... saying that he'll keep it as souvenir... -_-''' *it's quite disgusting to think of the things he'll do wif the tissues, den keep all the tissues as "souvenirs"... gosh.. i'm juz being disgusting here..*

next alan tried to cheat me of my salary... "aiyoh... 小妹妹... ur tuition fees leh? juz 10% will do lar.... me 5%, pauline 5%...." -_-'''

hmms... i dunno whether i'm happy or sad to leave this place... juz when i'm starting to get close to pple like heng meng *hey! though he kept bullying me... i'll find ways to deal wif him if i have the chance... hmph.* and alan and pauline and... all the aunties... the cleaners and the auntie at the canteen... sighz~

think i'll miss the pple at my office.. =X




wanna write loads of thankew letters to them... but i guess i'll not have enuff time... *looks at time... 2333.... and.. GASP!* omg. no time liao... -_-''' shall buy them curry puffs tml and hope they're satisfied wif my... erms.. tuition fees... lolz~




haiz... haven't been able to sleep well last nite cos i keep hearing this buzzing beside my ear... i was dreaming abt me learning erhu.... den muz tiao my yin to b flat... but i hear the sound in my mind was definitely not b flat! so.... i woke up... at 4 am in the morning wif the stupid buzzing in my ear which was... i think "a" note... *but near b flat lar...* and ever since i woke up i can't go back to sleep.... *esp when i only need to wake up at 6.20am.... -_-'''*

super duper tireds now... it's already 1226am in the morning of 23022005 and i'm still here typing blog, trying to write letters, and to fight off the stupid buzzing in my ears... *not forgetting trying to eat my vege soup... eeks~*

sighz... got job interview on thurs... originally wanted to rest a while first b4 working again... but hey.... got job offer... dun take i'll die rotting at home... so... oh well... rest can wait till sat.... *but sat got class gathering... =X* aiyah.. wadeva lar... as the saying goes... boat reach bridge head automatically straight... so... oh well...

geez.. i'm no longer making sense... geez...

learn to confront your fear.










i tot i had everything under control... fear especially...

then y issit all coming back?

haiz... originally wanted to change my blog layout... but cos of disclaimers from the 9th elsewhere webby... now i cannot use the image for my blog layout... sobz~ and i really tot that the new layout i had in mind was quite nice... sobz~

aniwae... after all those furnie things happened.... i've got no idea how to deal wif all of them...

maybe sleeping helps... or maybe O.R.M.Y can send me a muse to guide me... *though it's supposedly for artists only... ha~*

if u guys read 9th elsewhere u'll get wad i'm talking abt... oh yar... so me being one of their fanatic fans, lemme advertise for them here *though i dun get to use their pic for my blog layout... =S* do go to http://www.9thelsewhere.com/ for a really good treat... the story plot is deep... and it'll touch your heart...

personally i'm awed by how 9th elsewhere has survived for so long, and still surviving well... cos... loads of webmanga artists will lose steam halfway... either this, or their story plot is simply.... simplistic... hahaz~ *opps~ sorry... that's juz my personal opinion.. =S* but 9th elsewhere showed me that there are still good manga which survives online.. =)

okies.. cut abt 9th elsewhere... *notices pple falling asleep in front of their comps*













quite some time ago, i had a nightmare of me encountering two huge dogs at the void deck of my house, and they bit my hand hard... i woke up from that dream in cold sweat...

and guess wad?

todae i was tailed by two huge dogs all the way from west mall to my house void deck...

initially i was juz minding my business... after getting my pay from e2 at west mall, i walked home as usual... den i saw in front of me, these two huge brown dogs... walking along the pavement on my way home... and half wa they crossed the road rather recklessly... initially i was quite intimidated by their huge size... but after that, after they crossed the road, they came to this mini field, and looked extremely happy playing with one another... looking at the two happy dogs, i smiled... and i continued walking my way home...

and guess wad? as i approached my house void deck by walking this rather deserted path, all of a sudden i saw a huge brown dog across the street.... then i started wondering... how come there are so many dogs at my house area todae? i took no notice of the dog.. juz kept walking... next moment, a smaller dog juz popped beside me.. =X it juz went past me like nobody's business... then i started to get scared... cos i had no idea it was behind me...

then i realised... actually these two dogs were the same two dogs i saw earlier... =S

so i turned, and walked to my block void deck le... directly below my house... and i turned around to see the two dogs tagging behind me... that's it man.... i panicked... and i cheong all the way up the nearest staircase, ran to my house... started knocking frantically on the door and scolded my mum for opening the door so late..

okies... the above encounter sounded lame.

but the dream is so vivid... that even now it kinda gimme shudders.. =X













last night i couldn't sleep well again... let's hope things will get better today...

ever since start of 2005.... i've finally truly tasted the 酸甜苦辣 of life...

ever felt fatigue? i tot i had a taste of fatigue when i was back in jc... but once i come out to the working world... "fatigue" in jc seems so small and minute as compared to the exhaustation i face now daily...

and with so little time to rest, u're constantly faced with stress, all sorts of events... and... well, u juz have no stop to it...

even while i sleep, i can't sleep properly... constantly plagued with strange dreams, leaving me feeling lost when i wake up...

maybe it's juz that i haven't gotten used to working life yet...





dun worry abt me ya? i guess it's juz a phase i've gotta go through...




naruto 122's out! but i have no idea where to dl... feeling sad... cos it's liscensed on animesuki... meaning i cannot dl it there le... sobz~ but i love naruto... sighz.. how how how???




i've got a new 9th elsewhere wallpaper!!! maybe i can use it as an image for my new blog layout... hahahaz~ cyc.. u're gonna get ur wish soon.. hehez~ *when i've had enuff rest to start fumbling my blog template again.. ha~*

reading the tag on my tagboard by aries reminds me of RO... ha~

dun worry abt me... it's juz that watching all the couples on the streets on valentine's day so lovey dovey, all of them pda-ing.... juz makes me feel as though they're juz 炫耀ing their happiness to all the others out there... the lonely and single... so juz tot of that song and put it on my blog.. ha~

so dun worry abt me ya? hehez~













todae's a weird day... supposed to be my last day at my company... woke up late... =S almost missed my company bus... had to run like siao, and everybody was laffing at me.. esp. pauline... quote from her... "你在跑 100米啊？" lolz~

then there was the stupid sotong who tried to be nice to help busy pauline out by helping her fax something when she doesn't even know how to operate the fax machine at all... luckily chris came to my rescue... ha~ *but i can feel myself blushing cos it's so maluating... i tot i spoilt the fax machine.. =S*

and of course... when i was in the toilet, met joyce who asked me to extend my "service" *ahem ahems* for another five more days...

which of course i wun reject...

more furnie things happened, but of course, that's for me to know and u to find out.. ha~ but oh well.... i survived another day... i really tot todae would be my last day... originally wanted to write letters to everybody at the office.... cos really grateful for their help here and there... esp. pauline... my mentor... hahaz~ really really like her! XD and of course there's alan who's always crapping away... lolz~ and oso... chris for always helping me here and there silently... really grateful to u guys... =)













naruto anime is... liscensed by ShoPro Entertainment... which means it's going to be liscensed in america soon... which means... very soon i cannot dl naruto anime online anymore from animesuki.com .... SOBZ!!!! *burst into tears*

okies.. cut the dramama there... i guess i'm juz being crazy for now...
crazily thinking abt... brand new stuff... ha~
feeling sians now... though i've got prince of tennis anime to watch, books to read, and other stuff to do, but somehow... i juz feel like stoning...

let's juz hope weekend will come soon... sighz~

风吹落最后一片叶 我的心也飘着雪
爱只能往回忆里堆栈 oh~ 给下个季节

忽然间树梢冒花蕊 我怎么会都没有感觉
oh~ 整条街 都是恋爱的人 我独自走在暖风的夜

多想要向过去告别 当季节不停更迭 oh~
却还是少一点坚决 在这寂寞的季节

艳阳高照在那海边 爱情盛开的世界
远远看着热闹一切 oh~ 我记得那狂烈

窗外是快枯黄的叶 感伤在心中有一些 oh~
我了解 那些爱过的人 心是如何慢慢在凋谢

多想要向过去告别 当季节不停更迭 oh~
却还是少一点坚决 在这寂寞的季节

又走过风吹的冷冽 最后一盏灯熄灭
从回忆我慢慢穿越 在这寂寞的季节
还是寂寞的季节 一样寂寞的季节

i admit... i was extremely tired...

be it physically or mentally...

for the past three nights, i couldn't sleep properly at all... it's either i keep waking up in the middle of the night, or i woke up in the middle of the sleep and can't go back to lala land... or simply... i juz stood awake the whole night, juz closing my eyes trying to coax myself to sleep... *which obviously din work...*

spent the whole of my saturday trying to grab a little sleep... took a two hour afternoon nap *which is usually a lot for me* but still, keep waking up in the middle of the nap...

it was only yesterday night.... slept at ard 1130 bah.... sleep all the way till 840... that's ard 9 hours... finally...

i guess everybody has their limits bah... i think i stretched myself too much le... for the past week...until even i myself couldn't take it...

and things juz fell apart..

so now i guess i'll have to try to pick those pieces up and somehow mend it all back together...













it had been... a rather scary week for me... though it's festive season and stuff....

i've seen too many pple throwing their temper ard...

juz on friday... i saw/heard alan scolding his aunt off over the phone without holding back at all... it was... honestly speaking... extremely scary... i have no idea why... but i felt so afraid though he's not scolding me... and i felt a little like crying oso... hahaz~ furnies siaz~ but heyz.. i realised how scary it is for someone to be angry and start losing his/her mind.... so i guess it's kinda a reminder for myself to learn to tolerate more... and to keep my cool in face of problems and stuff... instead of juz letting myself vent my anger by scolding pple off... it doesn't look good, neither does it feel good... no point doing things which does not benefit anybody, i guess...

though sometimes anger helps u achieve things, but i guess... under normal circumstances, this reason usually does not stand...



another new year resolution... to learn to control my emotions and handle them better... not to say that i become a stoic or wad... i admit that last time, i felt that being logical is much better than being emotional... but now... i can't say the same anymore... i thought i was quite stoic last time, but these three years i've proven myself wrong... and i guess i can't change myself as simply as i say, and i guess, i can only slowly adjust but not change my emotional personality totally...













arr~ after my big big breakfast of a chicken and ham pie... now i'm feeling so so full... until i feel like bursting.. =S

hahaz.. the above is crap.. =P

i wanna thank those who showed me concern... pple like my kor... and randy... thankx guys... thankx kor for being there when i needed someone to talk to... and thankx randy for always looking out for me... really appreciate that.. =)

arr... going out liao... cya soon... =)

i couldn't sleep again this morning/last nite...

supposed to wake up at 6.20 to go for work... ended up waking up at 5.30... tried going back to sleep, but couldn't...

in the end i ended up going to work looking like a zombie...

tried to bai nian to my collegues *in hope of getting ang baos*.... got one from alan and pauline each... they're so nice! XD

*kinda feel bad that i'm qiao-ing their money... hehez~*

so many things to do.... yet i dunno whether i can tahan all the way...

let's hope somehow i'll stay awake until i finish wad i have to do...

very very tireds.

with no strength to go on...

pls somehow grant me the strength to finish wad i have to do before time runs out...

had a chat wif my aunt juz now... early in the morning... surprisingly, the two of us clicked well... and we started crapping along wif each other... lolz~

maybe i open up to those i'm not so close to more...

what to do?
i've lost my way...
wad's the thing i've forgotten?
wad's the thing i'm looking for?

my fear's gone now... replaced by... nothingness...

is this wad i'm looking for then?

失眠

now i think i look like a walking corpse...

i can't go back to sleep...

had a short dream juz now... of comics... and i saw kelvin and pansy in my dreams... lolz~

but when i woke up, can't go back to sleep...

heard my mum chatting loudly to her friends on the phone...

heard my brother hurrying to the living room to play his comp games...

and me? drifting and drifting... and i actually drifted to my comp.... lolz~

is my comp my best friend now? lolz~

i wanna go back to sleep...

let me continue dreaming...

i dun wanna wake up...

我想。。。一个人越是害怕，就越会失去自己。。。其中，还会失去它的东西。。。

一旦害怕，就只会越来越怕。。。

如果当初不败给这个恶魔，是否就不会失去呢？

现在，只能说句对不起。。。

大家新年快乐。。。

happy chinese new year to me.

i know... it's chinese new year.. i'm supposed to be happy...

but somehow, even if u want me to, it's not simply an issue of whether u want to or not.

pls... dun make promises u can't keep...

cos... i can't handle the disappointment when promises are broken...

komenasai...

komenasai...

i guess i juz dun understand how u feel... juz like how u dun understand me...

i'm really sorry for juz rattling off like that...

take carez... and enjoy ur new year... =)

hate

i hate myself.

i hate myself for being unable to say no.
i hate myself for getting jealous so easily.
i hate myself for making u worry abt me.
i hate myself for being so crazy abt u.
i hate myself for leaving halfway.
i hate myself for waiting for u to call back.
i hate myself for ruining the festive mood.
which obviously u din.
i hate myself for being unable to control my emotions.
i hate myself for getting so upset.
i hate myself for being so weak.
juz because of u.
i hate myself for being so irresponsible.
i hate myself for being so hard to get along wif.
i hate myself for being so unreasonable.
i hate myself for being overly suspicious.
i hate myself for being such an unfilial daughter.






i hate myself for being unable to forget those ard u.






all in all... i hate myself.

an angry sotong

y issit that i'm feeling so pissed now?

y do i feel so upset when i'm the one being kept in the dark?

and y does anger well up in me when i find out that "secret"?



























u probably did it on purpose.





























it's hurting so much until my head hurts.





















am i going to continue to keep quiet?


and let u step onto my head one day or another?






u did it on purpose.






guess u simply convieniently forgot. ha.

as i sat totally awake on my chair, eating tang yuans my mum made for me... a few moments ago i was in a total bliss... eating the sweet seaseme tang yuan *my fav~*, reading this new comic i started on called "first love"... thinking of the things i should do tonite *instead of sleeping... ha~* i juz read my frienz blogs and realised how terrible things are...

and now i wonder if some of the things i did are right...

why issit that i din sense anything when i came into contact wif u?

juz feeling like i'm such a lousy friend... ha~

i shouldn't have tried to give advice when i know nothing abt the whole situation...

guess the only thing i can do is to keep my peace and be their "pillar of strength" when they need me...













cny eve le! but juz now went for 4/11 dinner at swensons *again~* and ate more ice cream.... on my way back i was coughing like siao... guess tonites even if i tried to sleep i can't... cos i'll either cough until i die... or i cough until i wake my sis up which is a nono... or.. well... i can't think of the other options now.. but.. yar... lolz...













to this special someone... sorry i din reply to ur sms the moment u sent to me... paiseh... =X
i really really miss u...
juz wanna say i'm glad to receive ur sms... though it was kinda unexpected... =X that's y i was reading comics... went to bathe... den came out to check phone.. by then it's already 1hr plus after u sent the message.. =X
glad u're safe and sound...
hope it wasn't too tough...











for now... juz wanna say... happy new year to everybody... may u guys get loads of ang paos... and pray that u guys dun fall sick *and start coughing like me.. =S* enjoy urselves on this festive season! XD

...

juz early in the morning.. someone who's extremely kaypo decided to probe me into my personal life the moment he saw me online... *and i see that army life has made him more kaypo*... talk abt being extremely direct... and so i simply directly told him that it's a lousy way to try to get info from someone... ha~

guess i'm not my usual self... ha~

had cereal for breakfast todae... woke up super late todae at 9... *well... that's as compared to my usual 6.20 everyday i go for work...* honestly i would have loved to sleep till 12 noon... but heyz... wish not granted... lolz~

got loads of stuff which i have to cheong now... =X and stuff to settle.. like... spring cleaning!!! =S hate to spring clean cos it means i have to go rearrange the clothes in my wardrobe, go arrange my files.... scrub the floors... =S *and i mean i've got enuff sorting jobs at work already... =S* so that's y i've been trying very very hard to run away from these... ha~

this morning my lan cable juz konk out on me... =S and i got kinda frustrated *cos haven't eat breakfast yet, wanna have more sleep... ha~* silly me larz... dun even know how to operate digital multimeter to test whether the lan cable working or nots.. lolz~ finally after a long lesson from my dad... managed to realise that the cable's kinda faulty.. so changed one and here i am, crapping away here...

have been having rashes for a few days... they're itching like siao.... think it's a result of me eating those hot spicy crispy cuttlefish... *while i'm coughing away oso... ha~* so now i guess i shan't touch it anymore... since not only it 以毒攻毒 wif my cough, it oso give me the itchy and irritating and make-me-look-not-nice rashes... *eh... ignore the last part abt the rashes... lolz~*














realised that i've changed... previously i was kinda excited abt going class gatherings.... but somehow this enthusiasm faded off... probably cos of my work, i feel so so so stressed until i rather go home and slack... and to spend time wif my family more... and each time i go out wif frienz i'll spend loads... so frienz out there trying to jio me to go class gatherings... pls understand that i have my difficulties, especially wif respect to finance... cos... though i've got my pay.. it goes straight into my bank account, and my debit card hasn't arrived for me to start spending....

but but but... there's one outing i'm kinda looking forward to... that's the outing on mon.... though it's going to be at swensons *again~ i've been eating there for twice this month already* i really really miss 4/11 devilz~!!! hehez...















and juz yesterday... in my conversation with weijie...



Weijie: i wish i were back in tekong
me : now?
me : =X
Weijie : yah
Weijie : =(
me : weekend leh... =X
Weijie : at least got ppl
me : now dun have meh?
Weijie: my social life is zero now.
me : hmms..
Weijie : dun you feel lonely?
me : there are always pple around u
me : it's only whether u open ur heart to these pple or not

y issit that i feel i'm juz trying to console myself?
dunno whether how true this statement is... but i guess... it's still true to a certain extent... lolz~













somehow... though i kinda miss work... i dun wanna go back to work now... ha~














cny coming soon! but i'm still coughing like siao... =S cannot anyhow eat pineapple tarts, cuttlefish, aiyah.. all those nice nice food.. esp... bagua!!!! *sobz~* so for todae and tml i'm going to become a 水桶 and start 灌ing water like siao... and pray that i get better by tues... hehez~

change.

ever since i started working... i realised that i've become extremely selfish...

maybe this is the real me bah.... or maybe it's juz that... once i came out to a totally unfamiliar world.... i've lost my original self...

but.. wad's my original self anyway?

当你感到失落的时候，让人看到你的弱点时，他人便会毫无保留的望你身上踩，蹂躏你。而当你继续保持沉默，不愿走出自己的悲伤，你也就永远只能成为他人的垫脚石，一事无成，或许还会被别人越压越扁，永远也无法翻身。

这一番话听起来好耳熟。。。哈~

okies.... cut the philosophy stuff out...

after work todae *which is getting more and more stressful esp in the face of the cny hols* me went to ... well... essentially i spent the rest of my day shopping... looking for nice wrapping paper, clothes... blah blah blah....

spent time wif my family... realised that i haven't been hanging out wif them enuff... that's y pushed away co and class gatherings... hahaz...

dunno whether i'll get cursed by this though... ha~

den yesterday treated sheila swensons.... lolz~ me eat ice cream... eat until i start coughing non stop... hahahaz.. this is wad we call 以毒攻毒... lolz~

and todae for lunch i ate more fried stuff... that's y i'm coughing even more jialats than b4... =S

haiz...3 more days.... juz another 3 more days to hang in there.... though... i already buay tahan le... sighz~

i wan my hols!!!!!

slacking away...

working now... and slacking away... alan is sick todae and pauline is chatting away on the phone... me? i'm sitting right at the end of the office, hiding at one corner where pauline can't see my comp screen, typing blog here... *hope she doesn't find out... or later she'll gimme loads of work... =S*
dreamt of u last nite...
but apparently she's still chatting away... so... u can't blame me for slacking yar? :P
u gave me the strength to continue working now...
well... it's really stressful at work nowadays... todae pauline's late, alan's sick took mc not here... so left me and heng meng early in the morning... but heng meng's out most of the time...
i wonder if u dreamt of me last nite too...
pauline juz ended her chat.. =X
even if u din... it's alrights...
and when i have stuff i dunno how to do, now she doesn't wanna answer me... :'(
i juz wanna tell u to jiayouz... n hang in there...
everybody is stressed... so am i... =S
somehow, though... i wish that the dream could last...
really dun feel like working now.. =X

shall be back... after work... and after treating sheila...

before i go.. i juz wanna complain a little more...

this comp is so so so darn slow!!! haiz~

now that i'm all alone in the office again, i can type as fast and as loudly as i want.. hehehez~ finally i got back my amazing and shuang typing speed... cos now that i'm working, no longer typing words, typing loads of numbers... so typing is darn slow le... makes me feel so bu shuang... hahaz.. so lemme type somemore so that i feel shuang... hehehez~

nan2 de2 i'm alone here... let's see... maybe i can go on msn laters.. ha~

so the whole point of my entry here is juz to show off how siandeds i am by work... and... how i hope that time will pass quickly... and that the cny hols will come soon... =X
and for me to see u in person soon...

bad day..

okies... let's see...

i started off my day.. wif... being late.

well, not late larz... almost late i would stress... juz that early in the morning i felt extremely lathargic, dun wanna get off bed... unwilling to open my eyes *especially when they're kinda swollen as though i cried the night before, which i din... ha~* and i took a long long time to get out of my house.. like... 5 mins later than usual....

and this resulted in me running like a mad woman early in the morning to try to catch the bus...

and get laffed at by everybody waiting for the company bus... =X

thankx again chris for helping me here and there... =)

pauline seems to be getting sick too.... the "virus" me and alan are spreading is really powerful... ha~

and speaking of alan... todae he juz deh to me... -_- a big guy so much older than me come and deh to me juz cos of a bar of chocolate... omg... -_-

i hope i wun become liddat.. -_-'''

tuition wasn't good as well... i made benedict cry again.... cos... he doesn't know how to do his chinese li jie wen da.... den become super stressed.... dun get wad i'm trying to tell him and stuff.... so he started crying....

now i'm starting to wonder if i'm the material to be a tutor... haiz~

bathing now.... tataz~

issit right or wrong?

hmms... probably, when it comes to work, it doesn't pay to be helpful or full of initiative...

take todae at work for eg... i finished my stuff, pauline wasn't ard to assign me more tasks... so i turned around to ask alan *not allen... ha~ finally sorta confirm le.. :P* whether he needs help... so he asked me to help him write payment notice, put them in envelopes plus the respective cheques.... and after i finished that, he told me that i could help him write the cheques myself...

i admit that initially i had some reservations abt this... but i din question him whether it's appropriate.. afterall, it's juz like wad he said bah.... it's juz writing a cheque, nothing special abt it *probably cos he's been writing cheque like.. his whole life?* so i juz started my new task...

and guess wad? my superior joyce dropped by my office to look for alan.... and she saw me writing the cheque...

she din say a thing when i was writing...

next, she went up to her own office, rang up alan and told alan off for assigning me to write cheque.. next she rang up pauline to get her to assign me other stuff to do...

a little pissed abt this cos... if she din wan me to write the cheque *cos it's money involved* she could tell me straight in the face... but now she's "using me to tell other pple off" *quoted from chris, translated from chinese to eng* which makes me a little upset.... i'm oso partially at fault, but she din scold me at all... and tried to pretend that nothing happened, and that i din do anything wrong...

but i feel that i'm oso somewhat at fault...

i mean, if i haven't be so so so enthusiastic, alan wouldn't have asked me to write the cheque...

and it's all cos of my enthu-ness, and now pauline and alan are in trouble...

haiz~ horrible me... =S

so on my way home... chris who was on the same train as i was tried to explain to me how things work.... he said i am still young, so joyce couldn't scold me cos i dunno loads of stuff...

but... i mean.. so wad? age doesn't really matter when u're thrown out to the ocean to survive on ur own... similarly for working in the society...

but then again... i dun think i'll have felt better if joyce told me off straight in my face... =S

geez... i'm full of contradictions....

aniwae... todae... glad that chris' back to his happy cheery self... =)

and i'm quite glad that i managed to keep myself busy the whole day at the office...

and now i hope that pauline wouldn't be so stressed *though it can't be helped when her two bosses are breathing down her neck for reports, and there's me bugging her for work.. =S*

and for alan and chris to get well...

and for pauline not to fall sick...






for u to be doing well deep in the jungles....

and for u to be safe...






and for me to survive tomolo...

juz for fun...

saw this on a random blog... juz tot it's fun to put this here... =)


RULES: 1. Put your birth month in an entry.2. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.3. Bold the four that best apply to you.4. Put all twelve months under a journal cut.
*my comments are in brackets*


OCTOBER:

Loves to chat. *actually.. yesh... hahaz~ how did u know? :P*
Loves those who loves them. *of course... or else hate them mehz? =X*
Loves to takes things at the center. *eh... how abt... donuts?*
Inner and physical beauty. *me? wad beauty?*
Lies but doesn't pretend. *er... i dunno abt this...*
Gets angry often. *ask kelvin*
Treats friends importantly. *i guess so... =)*
Always making friends. *er.... dunno abt this... hahahahaz~*
Easily hurt but recovers easily. *easily hurt yes... but... recovers easily? dun think so...*
Daydreamer. *hahaz... of course.*
Opinionated. *wad's the meaning of this word? =X*
Does not care of what others think. *yeah right.*
Emotional. *er... hahaz... those who know me well would know... ha~*
Decisive. *ha... ha... ha~*
Strong clairvoyance. *eh... i'm only a sotong lehz.... dun even know wad's going round me.. =S*
Loves to travel, the arts and literature. *love arts n maybe lit... but dun really like to travel cos lazy to move my heavy butt... ha~*
Touchy and easily jealous. *ahems. ask... someone... ha~*
Concerned. *oh well... i dunno abt this...*
Loves outdoors. *er... provided... there's... VOLLEYBALL!!! XD*
Just and fair. *eh.... i hope? =P*
Spendthrift. *er... unfortunately... yes... but but BUT i stress i'm not spendthrift when i buy stuff for myself using my own money.... hahahahahahaz~*
Easily influenced. *yes.... unfortunately... =S*
Easily loses confidence. *yesh... unfortunately... guess it's something i have to change... ask someone.. ha~*
Loves children. *yar... sorta love them... =)*



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




JANUARY:Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY:Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but those not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL:Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE:Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY:Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST:Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER:Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER:Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER:Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

就是爱你

就是爱你
歌手:陶喆 专辑:太平盛世

我一直都想对你说
你给我想不到的快乐
像绿洲给了沙漠
说你会永远陪着我
做我的根我翅膀
让我飞也有回去的窝

我愿意我也可以
付出一切也不会可惜
就在一起看时间流逝
要记得我们相爱的方式

就是爱你爱着你
有悲有喜有你
平淡也有了意义
就是爱你爱着你
甜蜜又安心
那种感觉就是你

我一直都想对你说
你给我想不到的快乐
像绿洲给了沙漠
说你会永远陪着我
做我的根我的翅膀
让我飞也有回去的窝

我愿意真的愿意
付出所有也要保护你
oh 在一起时间继续流逝
请记得我有多么的爱你

oh 就是爱你爱着你
不弃不离
不在意一路有多少风雨
就是爱你爱着你
放在你手心
灿烂的幸福全给你

oh 就是爱你爱着你
我都愿意
就是爱你爱着你
要我们在一起

爱我还是他

爱我还是他
歌手:陶喆 专辑:太平盛世

黑暗中的我们都没有说话
你只想回家
不想你回家
寂寞深的像海太让人害怕
温柔你的手
轻轻揉着我的发

你的眉眼说你好渴望我拥抱
你身体却在拼命逃
但欲望在燃烧

你爱我还是他
是不是真的他要比我好
你为谁在挣扎
爱我还是他
就说出你想说的真心话
你到底要跟我还是他

爱爱爱......

这是不是命运对我的惩罚
爱你也没办法
恨你也没办法
陷在这个漩涡只想挣脱它
拉住你的手
却让我也被拖下

你的眉眼说你不渴望我拥抱
每当爱变成了煎熬
你就开始要逃

你爱我还是他
是不是我可以做他的好
你不再挣扎
爱我还是他
我宁愿听到残忍的回答
也不要再被耍

你爱我还是他
我为你找了一百个理由
我就是那么傻
爱我还是他
是否沉默代替你的回答
我应该明白吗

爱我还是他噢
你都已看不到我们的好
我还会心牵挂
你爱我还是他
是否沉默就是你的回答
我们都别挣扎
去爱他

reflections for the week...

after an extremely eventful week... i've realised that...

i dun wanna get angry again....

ask kelvin... he had a taste of my temper *which isn't good at all... =X*

and once i'm angry... i can no longer control myself using logic... and i'll start to get extremely irrational...

and once that happens... i can no longer be the gentle person i am.... *or so i hope*

so... i dun wanna turn into the other "me".... not again, as far as possible.. =X













and... i wanna tell u... sorry that i keep questioning u... it's cos of my... fear... =X *wonder if u'll ever read this... hahahaz~* when i'm afraid.... my emotions take over me and i no longer become rational juz as above... and so.... i start to question.... i know that no one likes to be questioned *wif the probable exception of teachers bah*.... but... when that happens the logical and considerate side of me juz evaporates away...

wait. wad considerate side of me.. =X













aniwae... guess wad? i'm eating chips now... hahahahaz.. and my throat hasn't really fully recovered yet... todae finally my voice is slightly back.. can start to sing song again without going off key so much.... hahahaz... still coughing though.... :P but... who cares... :P

thinking abt the past again... munching the hot and spicy fried sotong... *which makes me wana gulp down loads of water... cos so hot!!!* reading naruto manga now... now got new chapter!!! makes me feel so so so happy.... XD

yet... now that i've finished reading... a new feeling of.. siandedness falls over me... =X

feeling tireds.... of all those things happening to me this past week... and no idea of whether it's going to continue the coming week...

waiting for something else to happen? i dunno... but... i dare not presume any more... cos... when u start to presume, the higher your hopes get... and.. the greater ur fall will be when u realised that u're simply assuming too much...

and once again... that's y i'll question... so that... i am sure... that i'm not presuming... and to make myself know wad reality actually is... before i start to think too much... start to be too confident... until... once i'm on cloud nine, but i have to get down... i'll have to make a heavy fall...

so... it's all an effort to protect myself bah...

though that's really.. selfish? of me... =X

once again... i shall presume that u wun see all these here...

the upcoming week would be another tiring and tedious one... dunno whether i can survive it again in one piece... but i guess... i have no choice but to face it like a wo-man... =X

化力气为浆糊...

after being super duper mad at everybody in the world for two days... *see above entries*....

i'm alrights now...

thanks to pple who have all showed me concern over this matter... be it my dad... my kor *who had to withstand my bad temper as well* and wendy... and thankx pansy...

now... feeling loved by all those ard me...

juz yesterday... my cough/flu/headache had gotten worse.. until when i was at work, keep sneezing.. nose block, mind groggy.. work efficiency at new low... den pauline was so so so kind and gave me this flu/cough remedy... which tastes... rather horrible... but... it made me feel better after drinking it... =) she's really like my mum... taking care of me here and there.... though there are times when... ahems... i think she dun like me... like... todae.. hahahaz~

todae quite slack mahz... den so after i secretly installed msn messenger on my computer in my office.. right under pauline's nose... i started chatting wif my "brother" (my RO mate) online... lolz~ alan/allen was behind me and he was like... heyz~ 小妹... 没人在的时候才这样..." ... so i closed my msn... =X

and after that... pauline gave me loads of work... -_-'''

okies larz... i deserve it..

but todae my working efficiency was so scary that pauline is super stressed... "aiyoh... 你做事怎么做得比我快那么多？" hahaz... quite happy wif myself todae for this bah.... *cos managed to stress pauline... ha~ kidding larz...*

hmms... chris is super sick todae... got skin allegy... den cannot come for work... reminds myself of me when i was young.. cos last time i oso kanna loads of such allegy... =S very 辛苦 one... =S so as a friend... wish that he'll get better soon... =)

which reminds me.... chris is super like jiahong.... i dunno y oso.. =X both equally white? =P













on my way home juz now... was thinking of the things which happened to me these few days... i still remembered yesterday... while i was on the lrt going to my student's house for tuition... i felt that life is so 苦... cos i was super tireds.... work wasn't going well for me... in fact everything wasn't good at all... especially in my groggy state... but after last night... i realised that... i'm being loved... by my collegues.... by my family... my good friends..
and my loved one...
and so... i stopped thinking that way... and i realised that.... even though life could be tough now... there are also sweet moments which bring smiles to my face whenever i think of them...

so.... once again... i shall start believing in the light in me... and to believe in those worthy of my trust....














and did i mention that i juz got my first pay??? *beams wif pride* XD but pple... chotto matte, dun rush to me for treats cos i'm still broke... =X

after all the ranting, be it here, to my parents, or within my mind... all that's left behind is sorrow...

no thoughts now... almost nothing in my mind..

except somewhere deep within.... all the past events had been flashing back every now and then...

enough.. i told myself... stop all those... flashbacks...

so many ifs.... if i had not done this.... maybe things would have turned out better... no one would have to suffer... maybe.. everybody would be happier...

we could have stayed where we were...

and... maybe we can be spared from... all those things which happened.

i'm sorry...











but...

the moment i thought about the things which happened once again...

the moments which brought warmth to my heart... and yours too i hope...

i realised that...

even if it might be better that these things have never happened...

i can't bear to go back to square one...

angry sotong

lemme juz say this. i'm not in a hahaha happy mood

maybe ignorance is bliss... but how long can u pretend that u have no idea wad's going on?

maybe it's simply not my personality to pretend that i dun noe...

except to those i dun consider close at all.

or maybe it's simply cos i trust pple too easily

far too easily

such that they no longer have to earn my total trust, but only for me to lose my trust for them bit by bit

that's it

for a while, i no longer trusted pple anymore

until someone showed me that there are still pple in the world who can be trusted

and i trust again

but now... i realised how naive i was

maybe now it's time for the awakening.

sick.

geez.. this is the second time i'm typing this...

guess wad?

i'm sick... =S
so.... sorry...
feeling groggy now... originally it started wif... a minor sore throat last night... but after my sleepless night, it has become full fledged... until i lost my voice this morning... actually not really lost my voice larz.. it's juz that it's so painful until i juz dun wanna open my mouth le... dun wanna drink water oso.. =S
i really wanted to go send u off todae
bet alan/allen spread it to me.. =X
though u dun allow me to.. ha~
now i really hope i wun spread to my sis... cos she's oso coughing like siao now... =S
or... juz at least meet u todae...
hope that by tml, i'll be better... or else i'll really die at my workplace tml.. =S
but i guess i'm too greedy le...
and somehow.. it seems that loads of weird things happen todae... when i'm sick.. =X
maybe this sorethroat's telling me to stop being so stubborn
haiz~
juz wanna tell u...
juz now, on my way home, felt so darn groggy until i almost dieded... especially wif that hot sun... =S but now.. luckily i still made it back home in one piece... hehez~ going to sleep laters, after my lunch which i'm having quite a lot of trouble swallowing.. =X
take carez... try not to get tekan again...
i hate being sick!!! =(
and... cya in a week's time, i hope
btw, i solved the prob of maple story le.. so now i can finally restart playing again... though now i've gotta use a new account... start all the way from lvl 1 again... sianz~ but heyz... at least now can play le... =)
jiayouz! it'll be over soon.. =)
maybe this is the only consolation i get for being sick.. ha~

heyz... i finally saw this on zhiyong's blog after like.. 2 years since i wanted to post it online.. so yar.. here u go...

"I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry

I hate the way you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."

brings back old memories...

aniwae... todae at work... allen *sorry for spelling his name as alan in the previous entry* was trying to teach me abt life... life is like ur hand... the back of ur palm is black, turn it ard and it's white... and juz observe ur fingers... it can be short or long...

at first i dun get his analogy... but after thinking for a bit... finally got a bit of "enlightenment"... lolz~

and how can i forget? how insensitive and low eq i was to start questioning chris abt his gf... lolz~ i juz went up to him and started asking.. heyz~ going on a date ar? lolz~ den super 38, started probing abt his love life.. =X and so he naughtily smsed me when i din give him my phone no to say... heyz~ girl wif low eq... lolz!

sighz~

can't wait for tml to come.. cos.. after tml it's hol!! no need to work for a day... lolz~

i guess when u're in a bad mood.. it stays... ur thoughts swirling in ur mind simply makes things worse.

okies. i'm cynical, okies?

work todae was good... as in... got to slack... on the first day of work lehz! lolz~ muahahahaz~ learnt how to work the programs in there.. realised that the comps in the company are darn slow.. lolz~

i swore to myself when i lost my cookie job that i'll treat work more seriously... i will.

and i hope that tml i'll have loads of work so that i can totally forget abt time...

todae, if not for chris and jenny who were like rushing me off, *and not forgetting pauline and alan... who were working wif me in the same office but until 7pm* it's furnie that i can knock off b4 5.30 when the job's from 8 to 530... lolz~ and apparently... the company kinda encourage knocking off early? hmms... lolz~

pauline is like my mentor.. she's super nice... keep saying sorry to me *juz like me... hahahaz~* cos i keep doing all my stuff too fast, den got prob go to her, but she too busy to attend to me, keep apologising... making me feel super bad... =S so hope that tml i wun disturb her that much... haiz~

once again... THANKEW SHEILA for helping me find the job... XD

going to work again tml... shall sleep well tonites and push wadeva thoughts i have to the very back of my mind until it reaches a cliff and drops out of my mind. wadeva i'm trying to say. if u get wad i mean. hahahaz~

okies... let's see how badly i screwed up my blog... sobz...

juz now while trying to "beautify" my blog... *which obviously din turn out well...* i did a few things to the pic of yuna... *oh~ poor yuna... =X* and now... if u guys manage to see this entry... good for u... or else i'm in deep shit... lolz~

aniwae.. juz made pancakes to eat... *finally~ ha~* and guess wad? me and my mum went crazy and put prawns in the pancakes... the prawns themselves taste nice... but not together wif the pan cake... lolz~

sighz~ 4 something only... tml starting work... blog down~ arrgh... stressed!

PS. finally the 4-11 class blog is up!!! cheerios to yuchun!!! XD

okies.. dun ask me y there's this sudden change in blog layout... i juz.. feel like it... hahahahaz...
wanted to make the theme of the blog
aniwae.. this is juz a revised edition of the previous blog layout, in case u guys din realise.. ha~
abt how i'll be waiting for u...
hmms.... this layout is still not finalised... wanna add some words to the image in the background.. but dunno how... somemore i oso dun wan the image size to be too big cos later my web host dun allow the file transfer den u'll see a black background.. not very nice as well...
how i miss u...
aniwae... hope u guys like this layout.. hahahaz... cos.. i juz kinda missed yuna... =)


but i guess u wun even notice my feelings towards u.


hmms.... let's see... todae when i woke up.... originally wanted to make pancakes for myself, but too lazy le... :P woke up wif aching shoulder joints... probably cos....

ahems..

now i officially announce that... i'm a proud owner of a mahjong set and mahjong table..

guess wad? yesterday when me and my mum were doing our weekly groceries shopping *yawnz~*... we saw... a mahjong set plus table going at $38+++!!!! super cheap bargain lehz!!! den of course a gambling ghost like me would straight away jump at the great bargain... result in... me carrying that really heavy mahjong table home all by myself... wif the help of my dad's car, but still... i guess i din do exercise for a long long time le... so now.. shoulders aching lohz... lolz~

now wondering wad improvements i can make to this blog.. ha~

starting work tml... bought loads of office wear stuff... blouse, handbags... blah blah blah.. dunno whether i'm scared abt work or nots.. lolz~ but... hope i can do well for this job.. shall jiayouz.. hehez~

kkz.. me going out now.. cya~

hehez... guess wad? i finally found a job!!! thankew sheila who offered me this job! XD

okok... it's not the one i was describing happily in my previous entry.... well... i kinda got cheated on the previous job interview thingy... cos went down yesterday to see how these guys work... and instead of organising roadshows or so they said... they're juz selling charity tickets along the streets... haiz~ cheat my time... lolz~ but aniwae... i went down wif yuchun... and the two of us managed to chat loads... so... well... those guys are forgiven... ha~

aniwae.... now feeling sians... juz finished eating lunch... feeling a little... erms.. sleepy... hahahahaz... RO server down, so is maple story.. meaning i'm stuck wif nth to do but to sleep.. hahaz..

but i shall try to resist the temptation... TRY.

now chatting wif pansy... hahahaz... all of a sudden kinda miss the class... yesterday i cleared a bit of my room.. den looked through photos... and started missing my ny sec 4 class... plus... the jc class lohz... which brings my mind to... my autograph book... WHERE ARE U NOW??? so... will the kind holder of my autograph book now.. pls sms me or something.. to at least lemme know where my book is... =X

and pansy is now telling me all the details of this exotic lingerie she wanna own... lolz~

been thinking abt things again... listening to SHE encore again and again.... drifting... and drifting...

*slap slaps* gosh.. i was abt to fall asleep juz now... hahaz... =S maybe i shall really pay my bed a visit now.. ha~

once again.... this update is to tell the whole world that i'm still alive and kicking.. ha~ and not to mention.. that how bored i am...

but this wun be the case once i start work next week... sobz~

office wear... high heels? eeks... aniwae... i shall strive to work hard for the upcoming new task... hehez... guys out there... do wish me luck.. ha~

hmms... i'm back...

yeah yeah... i'm still alive.. alive and kicking...

juz realised my dear good best friend has a new blog!!! hehehez~ welcome to the blogging community!!! *fireworks pls*

aniwae... i'm back to the cheery bubbly girl le.... hahahaz...

todae went for another job interview... this sounds like an interesting job... organise all sorts of events, get to work wif loads of pple... i'm kinda looking forward for the session wif our trainers b4 my second interview tml... =) hope i can finally shed the status of being unemployed tml... hehez..

and not to forget... there's oso a job of admin offered by the science centre.... though it sounds boring... at least if i dun get my "ideal" job tml, i still have another job pending...

and i've oso got a tuition job...

y am i looking for job? cos... my cookie job ditched me... *sobz* cos while i was slacking my one week away after the e2 job, they found another family member to take over my place... so.. okies lohz... but aniwae... a little upset cos i tot i had a job secured le... stupid me larz... hahaz...

aniwae.... putting such things aside... there are other minor unhappy incidents which happened while i tried looking for a job.. like two days ago, when i tried to look for an admin job, kanna scolded by the person on the other side of the phone cos i was unsure of wad i want... cos we were trying to set the interview time the next day, but i couldn't make up my mind abt wad time i wanna go over.... so she became quite frustrated and replied me in a rather sacarstic tone abt how i shouldn't be doing this cos i'm the one looking for a job... okies, point taken... but i was still a little mad at her... originally wanted to ask her more abt the job, but... haiz.. forget it larz.. so hung up lohz.

next day, went over for the job interview... *den pangseh sheila cos originally i wanted to go for another job interview wif her* and guess wad? they din wan pple like me who are waiting for a level results... wad de.. waste my time.... but nvm larz... i din really hold high hopes for this one.. but... juz... GIMME BACK MY BUS FARE!!!

sobz~

nowadays... no longer a student means loads of things.. first, no need to wake up at 6... next, can sleep anytime i like... third, can play online games the whole day... fourth no need to worry abt tests or exams... BUT BUT BUT.... it means that i oso no longer have to go to school... meaning that my bus fare will be AT LEAST 60cents and above... meaning that last time i spend $10 on transport for two weeks will no longer apply... nowadays i spend $10 for like.. 4 days? siandeds... aniwae... kinda miss schooling... like i mentioned in the previous entries.... haiz~

13th jan... how time flies... somehow i managed to slack... like.. 11 days away? tsk tsk... time to spring back into action loh.... =)

i guess... it would be a long long time b4 i ever update on my blog again...

starting work soon again...

for now... i think... i'll take a break from blogging...

dun worry abt me... i'm fine... juz probably.. tireds bah... hahaz...

so.. till then...

别说对不起
s.h.e. encore

望远镜 看不见你
你的心 飞去哪里
雾上飞行 想像黑夜的经历

别说对不起 别让我伤了心才说 不是故意
我却无法怪你
别说对不起 别让我的爱情变成 廉价物品
我却只能爱你

闭上眼睛 却看见你
想你的好 代替无力
我相信你 却开始不信任自己

别说对不起 别让我灰了心才说 不是故意
我却无法怪你
别说对不起 别让我的爱情变的 小心翼翼
我却只能爱你

用行动来证明 你的决心
不要说说而已
我想要的不只是 sorry

雾上飞行 想像黑夜的经历
别说对不起 别让我伤了心才说 不是故意
我却无法怪你
别说对不起 别让我的爱情变成 廉价物品
我却只能爱你

害怕

as the fateful day approach... things seem to start getting worse and worse...

我很怕。

would u alleviate my fears?

reflections...

okok.. i'm back...

yesterday was the last day of me working at the atrium there... thinking back on my work performance, i think i totally sux... hahaz... *sorry for that.. er... "vulgar" word.. =X*

hmms... juz like wad someone said.. *i can't remember who* it's okies to be blur wif ur friends.. but u can't be blur to ur boss... guess i did both.. haiz... there was once my male boss was trying to sort out our products.. den i stupidly went up to him and asked... sir.. wad size are u looking for? and it was only when my collegue told me he's the boss den i realised my stupid mistake..

and ever since then i had been quite afraid of my boss... hahaz..

but aniwae.. yesterday's the last day le... hope i wun get to see him again... ha~

speaking of work... sighz... really really think i totally sux... but... nvm... i'll start afresh on the cookie job... sighz...

thinking of loads of things now... mind drifting.. drifting... melting into the cold wet weather...

have loads of things to settle this week... pray everything would go fine... and... be strong...

juz read this on someone else's od... thought i shall post it here first..

"I never knew love. He taught me love and he showered me with it. But he too, pull me down from heaven to hell just when I thought I was supposedly the happiest woman on earth."

hmms.. actually... i'm going for work in say.. 8 mins time? still trying to gulp down my hot hot hot porridge... and haven't put on makeup yet!!! sheesh... shall update soon... todae's my last day le... hahahaz...

basically blogging here to juz say... i'm still alive and kicking... shall be back soon... =P