chem prac wasn't as bad as i tot... at least i could finish it todae... for the last time i'm doing chem prac.. hahaz... it felt rather... good.. except that i have errors... but oh well... that's not as important le.. =)
mugged a little after prac... but nothing seemed to go in... maybe too tireds le.
rushed home juz in time for singapore idol!!! omg. the way slyvester sang... if a guy out there sung a song in the way slyvester delivered that song.. omg. i might juz like florence... go marry that guy or something... wahahahahhaaz. :P
running a slight fever now... hope it isn't that bad...
27 October 2004
26 October 2004
food for thought...
came across this on zhiyong's blog...
Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest??
-It isn't love, it's LIKE.
You can't keep your eyes or hands off of him.
-It isn't love, it's LUST.
Are you proud, and eager to show him off??
-It isn't love, it's LUCK.
Do you want him because you know he's there??
-It isn't love, it's LONELINESS.
Are you with him because it's what everyone wants??
-It isn't love, it'S LOYALTY.
Are you with him because he kissed you, or held your hand?
-It isn't love, it's LOW CONFIDENCE.
Do you stay for his confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt him?
-It isn't love, it's PITY.
Do you belong to him because the sight of him makes your heart skip a beat??
-It isn't love, it's INFATUATION.
Do you pardon his faults because you care about him?
-It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP.
Do you tell him every day he is the only one you think of?
-It isn't love, it's a LIE.
Are you willing to give up all of your favorite things for his sake?
-It isn't love, it's CHARITY.
Does your heart ache and breaks when he's sad?
-Then it's LOVE.
Do you cry for his pain, even when he's strong?
-Then it's LOVE.
Does his eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
-Then it's LOVE.
Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you to him even he doesn't want you anymore?
-Then it's LOVE.
Do you accept his faults because it's a part of who he is?
-Then it's LOVE.
Are you attracted to others, but stay with him faithfully without regret??
-Then it's LOVE.
Would you give him your heart, your life, your death??
-Then it's LOVE.
hmms. interesting...
todae... was mugging at macs... den saw this couple PDA-ing at one corner there... which i happened to be facing... omg. saw it and i got a little.. 寒毛竖起来的感觉.... hahaz... and all of a sudden this tot popped up to me... would i pda wif my bf next time? wahahahaz. this goes to show how bored i am by food chem. bleaghz.
aniwae.. the whole point of me putting this down is to remind myself to answer this.. lame question of mine in the future when i actually have a bf... so.. hahaz. seriously i hope i'm not so... yucky as that couple are. bleaghz.
haiz. juz now can cry one lehz. was playing pokemon again on my comp when my comp crashed again. goes to show that i shouldn't play pokemon anymore cos it causes my comp to crash. sighz. do i really have to delete that game away??? *tears of bordem in eyes*
so near... yet so far...
Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest??
-It isn't love, it's LIKE.
You can't keep your eyes or hands off of him.
-It isn't love, it's LUST.
Are you proud, and eager to show him off??
-It isn't love, it's LUCK.
Do you want him because you know he's there??
-It isn't love, it's LONELINESS.
Are you with him because it's what everyone wants??
-It isn't love, it'S LOYALTY.
Are you with him because he kissed you, or held your hand?
-It isn't love, it's LOW CONFIDENCE.
Do you stay for his confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt him?
-It isn't love, it's PITY.
Do you belong to him because the sight of him makes your heart skip a beat??
-It isn't love, it's INFATUATION.
Do you pardon his faults because you care about him?
-It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP.
Do you tell him every day he is the only one you think of?
-It isn't love, it's a LIE.
Are you willing to give up all of your favorite things for his sake?
-It isn't love, it's CHARITY.
Does your heart ache and breaks when he's sad?
-Then it's LOVE.
Do you cry for his pain, even when he's strong?
-Then it's LOVE.
Does his eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
-Then it's LOVE.
Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you to him even he doesn't want you anymore?
-Then it's LOVE.
Do you accept his faults because it's a part of who he is?
-Then it's LOVE.
Are you attracted to others, but stay with him faithfully without regret??
-Then it's LOVE.
Would you give him your heart, your life, your death??
-Then it's LOVE.
hmms. interesting...
todae... was mugging at macs... den saw this couple PDA-ing at one corner there... which i happened to be facing... omg. saw it and i got a little.. 寒毛竖起来的感觉.... hahaz... and all of a sudden this tot popped up to me... would i pda wif my bf next time? wahahahaz. this goes to show how bored i am by food chem. bleaghz.
aniwae.. the whole point of me putting this down is to remind myself to answer this.. lame question of mine in the future when i actually have a bf... so.. hahaz. seriously i hope i'm not so... yucky as that couple are. bleaghz.
haiz. juz now can cry one lehz. was playing pokemon again on my comp when my comp crashed again. goes to show that i shouldn't play pokemon anymore cos it causes my comp to crash. sighz. do i really have to delete that game away??? *tears of bordem in eyes*
so near... yet so far...
physics practical...
physics practical was.. horrible.... hahaz...
first, early in the morning, i almost couldn't wake up.... my sis was complaining to my mum abt how i was mumbling in my sleep the night before... the reason why was cos i studied juz before i went to sleep bah, den mind still in a whirl b4 i slept, so dreamt of loads of furnie stuff which i can't remember now... hahaz...
next... breakfast was... banana bread... -_-''' wah~ really wanna torture me wif that lehz... i no choice, bo bian have to eat something or else i'll die for physics prac.. so i forced that yucky thing down my gut... and guess wad? i felt like vomitting the whole morning. -_-'''
and wad's nicer than this? i started to develop this rather bad headache juz before the prac. -_-'''
aniwae... went in lohz... and guess wad came out for prac? magnet pendulum... which both pansy and junyi had predicted *or at least.. that's their hunch...* almost couldn't finish the magnet one.. went over to the electricity thingy, den had to continue answering questions from the pendulum one... the others who did the pendulum after electricity was sway... if they can't finish they can't finish. haiz...
and after the paper i found i have loads of careless mistakes. haiz. enuff abt that crappy shit.
-_-'''
after that... went to eat cai dao gui at bukit timah market... *hahaz... finally things are pecking up.* den went to mug at kap all the way until 10. omg. i din realise that i can be so muggish... *oh well. actually i mugged from 4-8... then the rest of the time we sat there chatting. -_-'''* aniwae... mugged abit of food chem... now wondering if it's still swimming inside my brain... haiz...
thurs is chem prac. i hope chem prac is not worse than physics prac. sighz~
first, early in the morning, i almost couldn't wake up.... my sis was complaining to my mum abt how i was mumbling in my sleep the night before... the reason why was cos i studied juz before i went to sleep bah, den mind still in a whirl b4 i slept, so dreamt of loads of furnie stuff which i can't remember now... hahaz...
next... breakfast was... banana bread... -_-''' wah~ really wanna torture me wif that lehz... i no choice, bo bian have to eat something or else i'll die for physics prac.. so i forced that yucky thing down my gut... and guess wad? i felt like vomitting the whole morning. -_-'''
and wad's nicer than this? i started to develop this rather bad headache juz before the prac. -_-'''
aniwae... went in lohz... and guess wad came out for prac? magnet pendulum... which both pansy and junyi had predicted *or at least.. that's their hunch...* almost couldn't finish the magnet one.. went over to the electricity thingy, den had to continue answering questions from the pendulum one... the others who did the pendulum after electricity was sway... if they can't finish they can't finish. haiz...
and after the paper i found i have loads of careless mistakes. haiz. enuff abt that crappy shit.
-_-'''
after that... went to eat cai dao gui at bukit timah market... *hahaz... finally things are pecking up.* den went to mug at kap all the way until 10. omg. i din realise that i can be so muggish... *oh well. actually i mugged from 4-8... then the rest of the time we sat there chatting. -_-'''* aniwae... mugged abit of food chem... now wondering if it's still swimming inside my brain... haiz...
thurs is chem prac. i hope chem prac is not worse than physics prac. sighz~
24 October 2004
1 day before physics prac...
two days before THE physics practical...
i fell sick.
one day before physics practical...
1. fumbling wif html to try to put up a radio blog.
2. playing pokemon fire red.
3. stoning and slacking.
4. trying to dl mp3s but fail nevertherless. -_-'''
okies. laff at that nice joke up there. HAHA.
after falling sick for juz one day, i seem to have lost direction for wad to do.... mind started wondering around... started thinking of all sorts of lame shit. -_-''' play game, stare more at computer... look at physics prac notes for 10 min, den back to playing game. wad sort of lame shit is this? omg. i'm becoming more and more like my brother... *gasps*
haiz. should start on food chem. i JUZ looked at my exam time table and to my horror... CHEM PAPER 3 IS THE FIRST PAPER juz after gp. omg. sighz. all the lactobacillius and wadeva lame shit that is. haiz~
oh. i juz noticed i've got quite a fetish for "lame shit"... -_-''' maybe it's the aftereffects of the flu.
starting to sneeze again. wondering whether it's cos i juz bathed and stuff. or maybe it's the weather.
haiz. how i wish that i know everything in the world now. like wad's coming out for physics prac tomoloz. and wad u're thinking of me now. like... "wad a lame piece of shit this stupid entry is."
*own self laff at ownself's joke*
okies. this seriously is a sign for someone to start calling up woodbridge.
i fell sick.
one day before physics practical...
1. fumbling wif html to try to put up a radio blog.
2. playing pokemon fire red.
3. stoning and slacking.
4. trying to dl mp3s but fail nevertherless. -_-'''
okies. laff at that nice joke up there. HAHA.
after falling sick for juz one day, i seem to have lost direction for wad to do.... mind started wondering around... started thinking of all sorts of lame shit. -_-''' play game, stare more at computer... look at physics prac notes for 10 min, den back to playing game. wad sort of lame shit is this? omg. i'm becoming more and more like my brother... *gasps*
haiz. should start on food chem. i JUZ looked at my exam time table and to my horror... CHEM PAPER 3 IS THE FIRST PAPER juz after gp. omg. sighz. all the lactobacillius and wadeva lame shit that is. haiz~
oh. i juz noticed i've got quite a fetish for "lame shit"... -_-''' maybe it's the aftereffects of the flu.
starting to sneeze again. wondering whether it's cos i juz bathed and stuff. or maybe it's the weather.
haiz. how i wish that i know everything in the world now. like wad's coming out for physics prac tomoloz. and wad u're thinking of me now. like... "wad a lame piece of shit this stupid entry is."
*own self laff at ownself's joke*
okies. this seriously is a sign for someone to start calling up woodbridge.
23 October 2004
as the signs start to show...
finally... after struggling for abt 2/3 weeks.... i can finally announce that...
i'm sick.
hahaz. dots...
well.. it's juz that i was going to fall sick since ard 2 weeks ago... it's only now that it finally "erupted" and become... more visible... so in a few days' time i'll probably have totally lost my voice and start sneezing like hell.. hahaz... not bad larz... at least got loads of pple missing me. *omg. so 不要脸* nah.. i was juz saying such stupid stuff to 自我安慰...
omg. prac next week. haven't studied finish food chem -at all-... and in addition... going to fall sick... haven't started practising for maths yet!!! omg omg omg... sighz. how i wish my sis can pass me some of her brains to help me score good grades for a levels... hahaz...
speaking of which... that gurl is still zZz ing.... that pig... hahaz... *nah. i'm calling myself pig too... hahaz... heyz.. dun kill me yar? :P* hope it's not cos i passed her my flu virus.... =X
aniwae. things to do todae... 1. do gp. 2. do chem. 3. do physics. hahaz. sound darn ambitious.... =X plus that irritating flu.. haiz...
hmms... thinking abt yesterday... open house.... actually i wasn't supposed to be in school so early... went to school at ard 7++, mug, den listened to the performances for open house before i went for gp consult... the co performance din sound as bad as i thought... though it could be millions and tons better.. hahaz... kelvin and the others seem to have a different opinion on this... hahaz... *maybe my standards are too low. :P*
den after gp consult... started pouring cats and dogs... listened to the co perform the second time, watched abit of the dance performances.. and saw the school flood. -_-''' den went kap to mug until 8+.... and heard zhanxin counselling his friend over the phone... hahaz.. kinda surprised that he's quite a good counselor... =Pp *raises eyebrows*... aniwae... ate nuggets, nuggets and more nuggets... and how can u forget fries. omg. i think my lunch for the whole week has been that. all my $$ flown away le. =X
by the time went home.... juz saw that maia and slyvester were the last two left in singapore idol in which one would "be leaving us tonite". maia was out!!! hmms... dunno whether it's good or bad.. but.. phew~ at least it's not leandrea... whom i quite like and others keep telling me she might get kicked out last nite.. =X and luckily slyvester is still in!!! yay! =)
*the above u juz heard is from a rather sick gal who is quite bored. =X*
aniwae. sneezing again. shall start gp le. finally.
i'm sick.
hahaz. dots...
well.. it's juz that i was going to fall sick since ard 2 weeks ago... it's only now that it finally "erupted" and become... more visible... so in a few days' time i'll probably have totally lost my voice and start sneezing like hell.. hahaz... not bad larz... at least got loads of pple missing me. *omg. so 不要脸* nah.. i was juz saying such stupid stuff to 自我安慰...
omg. prac next week. haven't studied finish food chem -at all-... and in addition... going to fall sick... haven't started practising for maths yet!!! omg omg omg... sighz. how i wish my sis can pass me some of her brains to help me score good grades for a levels... hahaz...
speaking of which... that gurl is still zZz ing.... that pig... hahaz... *nah. i'm calling myself pig too... hahaz... heyz.. dun kill me yar? :P* hope it's not cos i passed her my flu virus.... =X
aniwae. things to do todae... 1. do gp. 2. do chem. 3. do physics. hahaz. sound darn ambitious.... =X plus that irritating flu.. haiz...
hmms... thinking abt yesterday... open house.... actually i wasn't supposed to be in school so early... went to school at ard 7++, mug, den listened to the performances for open house before i went for gp consult... the co performance din sound as bad as i thought... though it could be millions and tons better.. hahaz... kelvin and the others seem to have a different opinion on this... hahaz... *maybe my standards are too low. :P*
den after gp consult... started pouring cats and dogs... listened to the co perform the second time, watched abit of the dance performances.. and saw the school flood. -_-''' den went kap to mug until 8+.... and heard zhanxin counselling his friend over the phone... hahaz.. kinda surprised that he's quite a good counselor... =Pp *raises eyebrows*... aniwae... ate nuggets, nuggets and more nuggets... and how can u forget fries. omg. i think my lunch for the whole week has been that. all my $$ flown away le. =X
by the time went home.... juz saw that maia and slyvester were the last two left in singapore idol in which one would "be leaving us tonite". maia was out!!! hmms... dunno whether it's good or bad.. but.. phew~ at least it's not leandrea... whom i quite like and others keep telling me she might get kicked out last nite.. =X and luckily slyvester is still in!!! yay! =)
*the above u juz heard is from a rather sick gal who is quite bored. =X*
aniwae. sneezing again. shall start gp le. finally.
19 October 2004
omg.
omg. my sis is a 恶心的家伙... i can't stand her. she got 3A and 1 C for her promos and a c5 for gp... and guess wad? she got 91.97% for physics!!! omg omg omg.
okies. juz pardon me wif my blabber for a while. considering that i only have ABCD for prelims now. pls try to understand my.. arrgh. wadeva u call that.
sighz. how to get 4 As for a levels???!!!
todae. went to school early in the morning to mug gp for consult at 1120. guess wad? lim ah was sick again, so i wasted like my whole morning on gp. could have done my chem lohz. sighz.
den after sitting at the class bench attempting to discuss abit of gp *which obviously failed. ha...* den i went to kap to continue mugging. played zhong ji mi ma and forced zhanxin to eat this whole packet of curry sauce and tried to make him eat another packet of curry sauce plus chilli sauce... in the end he din.... hahaz... den me and shian chi were washing grapes she bought at cold storage in the macs toilet and pple in the toilet were like.. staring at us thinking that we are some sort of idiot. hahaz... -_-'''
aniwae. spent like... 4 hours at kap and did like.. 3 chem questions. hahaz. -_-'''
and... i'm quite accident prone todae... banged my head like... 3 times todae le? banged my head twice in school.... den come back home bang again... how dumb. maybe it's a reflection of how smart my brains is. hahaz.
met jiayuan and yihui todae while mugging at kelvin b4 "gp consult" *wah.... up till now i still think they're cheating my $$... sobz* had a great time chatting and crapping wif jiayuan juz like the good ole times. hahaz.... and todae i discovered her.. ahems.. scandals.. hahaz.. courtesy of.. ahems.. my kor... hahahahaz.. :P
dunno whether i'm happy or sad or anything todae. too confused le... until i am sorta unable to differentiate stuff le... somehow.... i still feel 幸福... cos... i have so many frienz around.. and... i spent one whole day wif these guys.... hahaz... it's great knowing all of ur.. =) hope ur have the same opinion as i do too...
PS. heyz. hooxy... wad u think u doing wif my tagboard ar? i know ur maths qiang larz. no need to show off at my tagboard yar? -_-'''
okies. juz pardon me wif my blabber for a while. considering that i only have ABCD for prelims now. pls try to understand my.. arrgh. wadeva u call that.
sighz. how to get 4 As for a levels???!!!
todae. went to school early in the morning to mug gp for consult at 1120. guess wad? lim ah was sick again, so i wasted like my whole morning on gp. could have done my chem lohz. sighz.
den after sitting at the class bench attempting to discuss abit of gp *which obviously failed. ha...* den i went to kap to continue mugging. played zhong ji mi ma and forced zhanxin to eat this whole packet of curry sauce and tried to make him eat another packet of curry sauce plus chilli sauce... in the end he din.... hahaz... den me and shian chi were washing grapes she bought at cold storage in the macs toilet and pple in the toilet were like.. staring at us thinking that we are some sort of idiot. hahaz... -_-'''
aniwae. spent like... 4 hours at kap and did like.. 3 chem questions. hahaz. -_-'''
and... i'm quite accident prone todae... banged my head like... 3 times todae le? banged my head twice in school.... den come back home bang again... how dumb. maybe it's a reflection of how smart my brains is. hahaz.
met jiayuan and yihui todae while mugging at kelvin b4 "gp consult" *wah.... up till now i still think they're cheating my $$... sobz* had a great time chatting and crapping wif jiayuan juz like the good ole times. hahaz.... and todae i discovered her.. ahems.. scandals.. hahaz.. courtesy of.. ahems.. my kor... hahahahaz.. :P
dunno whether i'm happy or sad or anything todae. too confused le... until i am sorta unable to differentiate stuff le... somehow.... i still feel 幸福... cos... i have so many frienz around.. and... i spent one whole day wif these guys.... hahaz... it's great knowing all of ur.. =) hope ur have the same opinion as i do too...
PS. heyz. hooxy... wad u think u doing wif my tagboard ar? i know ur maths qiang larz. no need to show off at my tagboard yar? -_-'''
18 October 2004
events of todae....
1. last nite had weird dreams... 1st dreamt of me my dad and my brother at this concert wif stars like ah mei... zhang xue you... blah blah... den my brother did something darn silly and immature and spoilt the concert i think. 2nd dream which i remembered was that i was in the medival times, dressed as a male knight, being chased after by pple wif the intent to kill. the time when i ended my dream was the time i was seeking refugee at this couple's house, and one of the pursuers was there too, and i had to change my outfit. *huh? wad talking me?* think there were more dreams but that's all i remembered. all these dreaming made me darn tireds.
2. woke up. wanted to go school to play badminton wif jy and kelvin they all... woke up at 9 which is the time we're supposed to reach school. hahaz.. -_-''' b4 i could leave the house, my mum pointed out that my earphone was spoilt and that i should go ask my dad to repair it. den somehow she commented that she doesn't wanna talk to my dad anymore. den i was like... huh? and so asked her to explain. den she complained that my dad doesn't talk to her anymore... *which i went totally seh... cos my mum actually deh to me??? omg.*
3. went school, started playing badminton. thrashed junyi. *heh hehz~ :P* den played somemore.. all the way till abt 4... wif pple like zhanxin junyi kelvin zhidong and liqian *omg. i'm the only gal there. AGAIN. sighz.* played until the badminton club pple come for their cca le... or else, i think we'll probably be playing there until 6 or something. -_-'''
4. left the school, went kap. wanted to start mugging abit b4 going home after lunch *at ard 4+? hahaz.* den started on gp, ended up falling asleep. think i've been too tireds le... especially wif badminton? and the dreams lohz. sianz. slept all the way till we went home at 6. -_-'''
5. reached home. on comp. den realised that i juz accidentally got someone into trouble. felt quite bad cos i tot he would know that he shouldn't do something, but i guess it's juz me cos i din tell him he's not supposed to do that. so... sighz.
6. ate dinner. den heard my mum nagging at my brother again. sians. den my mum finished nagging at my bro then target shift to me. -_-'''
7. chatted abit wif my sis. realised that... in her pw group there's... john... hahahaz... those pple out there who knows wad i'm talking abt.. heh hehz~ oh. and i oso found out that she has confirmed 3 As for promos.. and 2 of the A she got was 80++ loh. wth. i'm so so so lousy in comparison. haiz.
8. chatted abit wif kelvin dey all. thinking abt stuff again. listening to 花的嫁纱 again and again and again. overworked my replay button, as nico/jon would have put it.
9. typing blog now. shall start on gp soon. and after that, back to thinking abt the things which has happened for the past few days.
things to do
1. talk to my dad abt... my mum.
2. somehow try to knock some sense into my brother *which i doubt i can. haiz*
3. mug hard for a levels. *which is oso quite hard considering how lethargic i am now.*
4. sort out some of the thoughts i have. *haiz.*
5. be more matured and think abt things more thoroughly. and act wisely.
6. START ON GP NOW!!!!
PS. i think i juz lost my orange bottle. *sobz*
17 October 2004
花的嫁纱
listening to this song in the middle of the night.
feeling kinda pissed off now cos a kind individual has decided to fabric all sorts of nonsense. very irritated wif him now... oso dunno y i'm so pissed off. dun think he truly feels sorry aniwae. but oh well. not my business anymore. for now.
listen more to this song bah. and stare more into blank space.
all of a sudden i've got this burning desire to get a radio blog juz to post this song online. hahaz. dots...
花的嫁纱
sung by 王心陵
花 开在太阳下 等着情人呀 努力盛开却 等不到它
雨 忽然一直下 打乱着花嫁 骗自己它就要 到了
可以哭 却还拼命的挣扎 说什么 只会让人当笑话
爱 是花儿的芬芳 是 蝴蝶的翅膀
是 伤心的蒲公英迷失它的方向
爱 在孤独中绝望 在绝望中坚强
坚强后继续不停 想着它
花 开在太阳下 等着情人呀 努力盛开却 等不到它
雨 忽然一直下 打乱着花嫁 骗自己它就要 到了
爱 是花儿的芬芳 是 蝴蝶的翅膀
是 伤心的蒲公英迷失它的方向
爱 在孤独中绝望 在绝望中坚强
坚强后继续不停 想着它
爱 是花儿的芬芳 是 蝴蝶的翅膀
是 伤心的蒲公英迷失它的方向
爱 在孤独中绝望 在绝望中坚强
坚强后继续不停 想着它
他 丢了爱的他 心像被针扎 身体无助到 像要死掉
雨 一直不停下 眼里进了砂 骗自己已没有牵挂
feeling kinda pissed off now cos a kind individual has decided to fabric all sorts of nonsense. very irritated wif him now... oso dunno y i'm so pissed off. dun think he truly feels sorry aniwae. but oh well. not my business anymore. for now.
listen more to this song bah. and stare more into blank space.
all of a sudden i've got this burning desire to get a radio blog juz to post this song online. hahaz. dots...
花的嫁纱
sung by 王心陵
花 开在太阳下 等着情人呀 努力盛开却 等不到它
雨 忽然一直下 打乱着花嫁 骗自己它就要 到了
可以哭 却还拼命的挣扎 说什么 只会让人当笑话
爱 是花儿的芬芳 是 蝴蝶的翅膀
是 伤心的蒲公英迷失它的方向
爱 在孤独中绝望 在绝望中坚强
坚强后继续不停 想着它
花 开在太阳下 等着情人呀 努力盛开却 等不到它
雨 忽然一直下 打乱着花嫁 骗自己它就要 到了
爱 是花儿的芬芳 是 蝴蝶的翅膀
是 伤心的蒲公英迷失它的方向
爱 在孤独中绝望 在绝望中坚强
坚强后继续不停 想着它
爱 是花儿的芬芳 是 蝴蝶的翅膀
是 伤心的蒲公英迷失它的方向
爱 在孤独中绝望 在绝望中坚强
坚强后继续不停 想着它
他 丢了爱的他 心像被针扎 身体无助到 像要死掉
雨 一直不停下 眼里进了砂 骗自己已没有牵挂
16 October 2004
轨迹
all of a sudden, juz feel like posting this song here... pls change ur encoding to unicode to view this... =)
轨迹
曲：周杰伦 词：黄俊郎 编：
怎么隐藏 我的悲伤 失去你的地方
你的发香 散的匆忙 我已经跟不上
闭上眼睛 还能看见 你离去的痕迹
在月光下 一直找寻 那想念的身影
如果说分手 是苦痛的起点
那在终点之前 我愿意再爱一遍
想要对你说的 不敢说的爱
会不会有人 可以明白
我会发着呆 然后忘记你 接着紧紧闭上眼
想着那一天 会有人代替 让我不再想念你
我会发着呆 然后微微笑 接着紧紧闭上眼
又想了一遍 你温柔的脸 在我忘记之前
心里的眼泪 模糊了视线 你已快看不见
轨迹
曲：周杰伦 词：黄俊郎 编：
怎么隐藏 我的悲伤 失去你的地方
你的发香 散的匆忙 我已经跟不上
闭上眼睛 还能看见 你离去的痕迹
在月光下 一直找寻 那想念的身影
如果说分手 是苦痛的起点
那在终点之前 我愿意再爱一遍
想要对你说的 不敢说的爱
会不会有人 可以明白
我会发着呆 然后忘记你 接着紧紧闭上眼
想着那一天 会有人代替 让我不再想念你
我会发着呆 然后微微笑 接着紧紧闭上眼
又想了一遍 你温柔的脸 在我忘记之前
心里的眼泪 模糊了视线 你已快看不见
unusual findings on a mundane grocery shopping trip.
sighz. did i ever mention how i hated going out wif my family to shop for groceries???
at first, i tot i was totally out of my mind when i actually agreed to go wif my mum todae... *wow... did the sun rise from the west today?* well... cos my sis is at her class chalet wif... ahems. hahaz... :P ... and so.. yar. so as to take a step to being a good daughter *pukez*... oh well. heck.
but aniwae.. i was there.
at first, i tot shopping for groceries was not -that- boring... but... after i stepped into NTUC... immediately i felt like fishing out my food chem notes which i had packed inside my bag, which i had tried to condemn b4 i stepped out of the house. *oh well... i juz brought those notes juz in case i was really that bored.* den, i resisted the urge. so i started looking at... tomatoes. hahaz. dots.
i think the reason y i was so super siandeds is cos i saw this woman mopping the floor there, who has a slight ap. wah kao... pple buying stuff there, den she grumpily ask pple to stand aside in her... barely audible singlish... and the sight of her juz simply put me off... so i stood there, trying to find a way to move the trolley so that she could mop her floor in peace, but she juz blocked my way and dun let me move. dots.
okies. maybe i was in the wrong there. hahaz...
oh... and to my horror, my mum took another 4 bunches of bananas. -_-'''
and... i saw this woman who has a one dollar coin stuck in her ear... dunno whether it's for fun or not.. but it din seem that she's that type of person who would do that normally. maybe she has no place to put her that 1 dollar coin. or maybe she's trying to imagine herself as the trolley... which needs that 1 dollar coin to move. *okies. pardon me. it's hard not to start imagining nonsense when u're that bored.*
aniwae, things started to change when i saw.... organics shampoo!!! *winkz at nadia* dots. oh well. it's juz that... i started going towards the shelf, opening the shampoo bottle, and started smelling the shampoo... hahaz. and after some smelling of the shampoo by me and my mum who was probably amazed at my.. well... bo liaoness... we decided to buy 2 bottles of that shampoo since it's on offer. hahaz. dots.
then... we paid for our stuff... which sumed up to slightly more than 100 bucks *my gosh. at least it's cheaper than last time.. i remembered that we used to pay 150 ard there for each weekly shopping trip.* yar. goes to show how much bananas my brother eats? hahaz. dunno lehz.
after that, cheong to west mall... went shopping for a while. i finally got my bossini T-shirt... hehez... den went to get a pair of earings each for myself and my mum.... and my brother got 2 pairs of pants too.... yar... and my mum is there complaining that everytime she brings me out on groceries shopping trip, she'll end up paying much more cos i always buy so much barang barang. *hehez*
and so i went to buy dinner while my mum continued shopping at shop & save at west mall... den after that, cheong home le... BUT... it's not to watch that disgusting huan zhu ge ge which i dunno y my mum decided to turn on the tv now and i keep hearing those disgusting voices from the show. arrgh.
HUAN ZHU GE GE 3 IS CONDEMNED!!! YI TIAN TU LONG JI RAWKS BIG TIME!!!
*okies. i'm juz suffering from the yi tian withdrawal synptoms... bleahz.*
after this... "eventful" day... i've come to the conclusion that...
well. groceries shopping is... maybe... not that boring. MAYBE.
at first, i tot i was totally out of my mind when i actually agreed to go wif my mum todae... *wow... did the sun rise from the west today?* well... cos my sis is at her class chalet wif... ahems. hahaz... :P ... and so.. yar. so as to take a step to being a good daughter *pukez*... oh well. heck.
but aniwae.. i was there.
at first, i tot shopping for groceries was not -that- boring... but... after i stepped into NTUC... immediately i felt like fishing out my food chem notes which i had packed inside my bag, which i had tried to condemn b4 i stepped out of the house. *oh well... i juz brought those notes juz in case i was really that bored.* den, i resisted the urge. so i started looking at... tomatoes. hahaz. dots.
i think the reason y i was so super siandeds is cos i saw this woman mopping the floor there, who has a slight ap. wah kao... pple buying stuff there, den she grumpily ask pple to stand aside in her... barely audible singlish... and the sight of her juz simply put me off... so i stood there, trying to find a way to move the trolley so that she could mop her floor in peace, but she juz blocked my way and dun let me move. dots.
okies. maybe i was in the wrong there. hahaz...
oh... and to my horror, my mum took another 4 bunches of bananas. -_-'''
and... i saw this woman who has a one dollar coin stuck in her ear... dunno whether it's for fun or not.. but it din seem that she's that type of person who would do that normally. maybe she has no place to put her that 1 dollar coin. or maybe she's trying to imagine herself as the trolley... which needs that 1 dollar coin to move. *okies. pardon me. it's hard not to start imagining nonsense when u're that bored.*
aniwae, things started to change when i saw.... organics shampoo!!! *winkz at nadia* dots. oh well. it's juz that... i started going towards the shelf, opening the shampoo bottle, and started smelling the shampoo... hahaz. and after some smelling of the shampoo by me and my mum who was probably amazed at my.. well... bo liaoness... we decided to buy 2 bottles of that shampoo since it's on offer. hahaz. dots.
then... we paid for our stuff... which sumed up to slightly more than 100 bucks *my gosh. at least it's cheaper than last time.. i remembered that we used to pay 150 ard there for each weekly shopping trip.* yar. goes to show how much bananas my brother eats? hahaz. dunno lehz.
after that, cheong to west mall... went shopping for a while. i finally got my bossini T-shirt... hehez... den went to get a pair of earings each for myself and my mum.... and my brother got 2 pairs of pants too.... yar... and my mum is there complaining that everytime she brings me out on groceries shopping trip, she'll end up paying much more cos i always buy so much barang barang. *hehez*
and so i went to buy dinner while my mum continued shopping at shop & save at west mall... den after that, cheong home le... BUT... it's not to watch that disgusting huan zhu ge ge which i dunno y my mum decided to turn on the tv now and i keep hearing those disgusting voices from the show. arrgh.
HUAN ZHU GE GE 3 IS CONDEMNED!!! YI TIAN TU LONG JI RAWKS BIG TIME!!!
*okies. i'm juz suffering from the yi tian withdrawal synptoms... bleahz.*
after this... "eventful" day... i've come to the conclusion that...
well. groceries shopping is... maybe... not that boring. MAYBE.
last day of school?
yesterday... too tired to type anything here...
yesterday is sorta the last day of school... dunno whether i'm happy sad or anything. maybe it hasn't totally sunk in yet....
a new start to mugging. a new start to a world to no life.
heyz. since when have i really lived my life in the first place?
now... starting to think of all the things which happened within these two years... so many things.. happy and depressing.. all those memories flashed past my mind...
these memories, sweet and painful... i'll never wanna forget them... and i'll never regret anything i've done...
yesterday... after that maths remedial... went to celebrate rudy lee's birthday.. ate at aiwo at raffles city... ate until i pok gai ar... den went to buy cake wif zhanxin to celebrate rudy lee's bdae as well... total added up to $20 lehz... the most ex meal i've ever eaten... hahahaz... *heyz. i'm a poor student yar?*
then, the whole class went to esplanade... went there to "star gaze" but apparently there were no stars there to gaze at all... den i had a wonderful chat wif weixiang and weijie... hahaz... realised that everybody has their own problems, but it's how they decide to handle them... and... in our discussion, we found that nico is the most carefree... cos he always eating... and then we turned to look at him and found he's eating ice cream.. hahaz...
then we chatted abt the class... the things which lie under the peaceful surface. wait. wad peaceful surface? actually there were still loads of things which i would have wanted to chat wif them to seek their opinions about... but juz, yesterday, not enuff time i guess.... sighz..
i wonder if we'll ever get the chance to chat liddat again...
sighz. once, i tot i've gotten over the "last day" syndrome... i wonder if i can survive this once again.... though the situation is different now, and the end is inevitable... but somehow, i hope... that everybody out there... u guys would shine out there... and.. all da best for A levels!
and i hope, to a particular individual out there.. u would be able to recover from that particular incident... it's not ur fault or ur inability, it's rather... the fault of the other party... hahaz... and, to think of it in a different way, perhaps it's better liddat.... =)
on the other hand.. i'm glad that... this other individual seemed to have changed his attitude towards me... thankx a millions... though i know that it's already the end... but... still... thankx... hope u can find ur happiness.... this is a really wonderful memory which i'll really treasure and not forget... =)
and to others out there... hope ur problems would be solved... i'll be there when ur need me... juz gimme a buzz and i'll try my very best to help u guys... :D
though in the course of the two years, we have many conflicts... and stuff liddat... i'm so glad to meet... the CO peeps! and.. 33 guys... u guys rawk! =) best wishes to everyone out there...
yesterday is sorta the last day of school... dunno whether i'm happy sad or anything. maybe it hasn't totally sunk in yet....
a new start to mugging. a new start to a world to no life.
heyz. since when have i really lived my life in the first place?
now... starting to think of all the things which happened within these two years... so many things.. happy and depressing.. all those memories flashed past my mind...
these memories, sweet and painful... i'll never wanna forget them... and i'll never regret anything i've done...
yesterday... after that maths remedial... went to celebrate rudy lee's birthday.. ate at aiwo at raffles city... ate until i pok gai ar... den went to buy cake wif zhanxin to celebrate rudy lee's bdae as well... total added up to $20 lehz... the most ex meal i've ever eaten... hahahaz... *heyz. i'm a poor student yar?*
then, the whole class went to esplanade... went there to "star gaze" but apparently there were no stars there to gaze at all... den i had a wonderful chat wif weixiang and weijie... hahaz... realised that everybody has their own problems, but it's how they decide to handle them... and... in our discussion, we found that nico is the most carefree... cos he always eating... and then we turned to look at him and found he's eating ice cream.. hahaz...
then we chatted abt the class... the things which lie under the peaceful surface. wait. wad peaceful surface? actually there were still loads of things which i would have wanted to chat wif them to seek their opinions about... but juz, yesterday, not enuff time i guess.... sighz..
i wonder if we'll ever get the chance to chat liddat again...
sighz. once, i tot i've gotten over the "last day" syndrome... i wonder if i can survive this once again.... though the situation is different now, and the end is inevitable... but somehow, i hope... that everybody out there... u guys would shine out there... and.. all da best for A levels!
and i hope, to a particular individual out there.. u would be able to recover from that particular incident... it's not ur fault or ur inability, it's rather... the fault of the other party... hahaz... and, to think of it in a different way, perhaps it's better liddat.... =)
on the other hand.. i'm glad that... this other individual seemed to have changed his attitude towards me... thankx a millions... though i know that it's already the end... but... still... thankx... hope u can find ur happiness.... this is a really wonderful memory which i'll really treasure and not forget... =)
and to others out there... hope ur problems would be solved... i'll be there when ur need me... juz gimme a buzz and i'll try my very best to help u guys... :D
though in the course of the two years, we have many conflicts... and stuff liddat... i'm so glad to meet... the CO peeps! and.. 33 guys... u guys rawk! =) best wishes to everyone out there...
15 October 2004
sighz sighz sighz.
this is the third time i'm trying to attempt to type an entry here...
all my thoughts in a clutter now.. can't even get them organised...
having a headache now. haven't done gp which i needed to finish by tomoloz for consult.
feeling that everything is crashing down now.
how ironic is life?
juz now.. i was telling u that i wun be affected.. but, as i read the previous entries... i could still feel... pain... as i read through, from ur account even, instead of my own thoughts and feelings during that period of time... hahaz...
y issit that it still hurts? i dun understand. issit cos of my stubborn nature? and my unwillingness to let go?
if only i'm juz some small plain ordinary girl down the street, who would not even dare to dream beyond reality... things would have been so much happier...
sometimes... i juz feel... that there are so, so many things which i wanna tell u... to tell juz.. anybody whom i know.. but due to the different circumstances, i couldn't say... juz have to keep everything buried beneath me...
and someone once commented... i can feel there's something destroying urself within u...
issit really true? i dunno... those... feelings.. seem to be like a time bomb.. waiting to explode...
it exploded once.. and i can't imagine how things would like if it exploded again...
someone told me again... "dun think abt it now... it's not wise to make decisions wif such mental state" hahaz... how to stop thinking now when... u know that u can't stop thinking?
maybe i should really try that exercise the school taught us to clear our minds... hahaz...
not good enuff for everything. not good enough to be a kind and sensitive friend. not good enough to care for u guys... so wad if my feelings hold true? it doesn't mean that... everything would turn out alright...
i'm juz tireds... tired of the past, present, and the bleak future.
if i even have a future.
how i wish that things were different. that u need not have to suffer... and that... perhaps.. i wasn't even around in this world..
this is the third time i'm trying to attempt to type an entry here...
all my thoughts in a clutter now.. can't even get them organised...
having a headache now. haven't done gp which i needed to finish by tomoloz for consult.
feeling that everything is crashing down now.
how ironic is life?
juz now.. i was telling u that i wun be affected.. but, as i read the previous entries... i could still feel... pain... as i read through, from ur account even, instead of my own thoughts and feelings during that period of time... hahaz...
y issit that it still hurts? i dun understand. issit cos of my stubborn nature? and my unwillingness to let go?
if only i'm juz some small plain ordinary girl down the street, who would not even dare to dream beyond reality... things would have been so much happier...
sometimes... i juz feel... that there are so, so many things which i wanna tell u... to tell juz.. anybody whom i know.. but due to the different circumstances, i couldn't say... juz have to keep everything buried beneath me...
and someone once commented... i can feel there's something destroying urself within u...
issit really true? i dunno... those... feelings.. seem to be like a time bomb.. waiting to explode...
it exploded once.. and i can't imagine how things would like if it exploded again...
someone told me again... "dun think abt it now... it's not wise to make decisions wif such mental state" hahaz... how to stop thinking now when... u know that u can't stop thinking?
maybe i should really try that exercise the school taught us to clear our minds... hahaz...
not good enuff for everything. not good enough to be a kind and sensitive friend. not good enough to care for u guys... so wad if my feelings hold true? it doesn't mean that... everything would turn out alright...
i'm juz tireds... tired of the past, present, and the bleak future.
if i even have a future.
how i wish that things were different. that u need not have to suffer... and that... perhaps.. i wasn't even around in this world..
14 October 2004
another day gone...
feeling larthagic...
another one of my goldfish died.
dunno whether i'm even sad or anything.
had a dream last night which wasn't good at all. maybe it was an omen of something which is about to come true...
hope it really wun come true....
and... feeling bad to loads of pple... like junyi... keep bullying him... hahaz... and to rudy lee... todae it's his bdae... den our class like no response to it... being his very own ct lehz... somemore his other chem class got at least sing bdae song to him lohz. sighz....
thinking of loads of things now... maybe a night's sleep could help me clear my mind...
feeling larthagic...
another one of my goldfish died.
dunno whether i'm even sad or anything.
had a dream last night which wasn't good at all. maybe it was an omen of something which is about to come true...
hope it really wun come true....
and... feeling bad to loads of pple... like junyi... keep bullying him... hahaz... and to rudy lee... todae it's his bdae... den our class like no response to it... being his very own ct lehz... somemore his other chem class got at least sing bdae song to him lohz. sighz....
thinking of loads of things now... maybe a night's sleep could help me clear my mind...
13 October 2004
missing and being missed?
"因为思念与被思念都是一种幸福... 如果可以，我想每刻都装满对你的思念..."
saw this quote as my frienz msn nick.. all of a sudden feel inspired to quote it here... hahaz...
todae wasn't really a "good" day bah... went to school... den my bus broke down, end up being ard 15 mins late... =(
den got niaoed by my frienz cos of something.... den becoz of that i din wanna go eat.... ended up getting gastric... silly girl... =(
den juz now on my way home.... suddenly felt my left ankle hurt a little.. think yesterday i accidentally landed badly on that foot, den now it's finally starting to hurt le...
budden now... not feeling terrible or something... feeling oddly... calm? okies. maybe cos i juz woke up from my nap... which i wanted to wake up at 6 but ended up waking up 30 mins later.
-_-'''
bad girl. tsk tsk.
shall try to finish ac compre laters... sighz. revision seems to be getting nowhere... not doing anything...
12 October 2004
memories of the past...
hahaz... for some reason or another... somehow.. i'm back to playing sonic the hedgehog again... hahaz...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/sonic.html
playing that game reminded me largely of the stuff i was once crazy over... when i was still in primary school... and the person who introduced me to it... hahaz... kinda started thinking of my that great p school friend again... wonder how he's doing now in hk.. :P
hahaz... go check out the above url bah... i juz cleared the first stage... the music came from sonic 3... but this flash game to me is a little lag.. so... hahaz... think it'll take me a bit more time b4 i can clear everything... hahaz...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/sonic.html
playing that game reminded me largely of the stuff i was once crazy over... when i was still in primary school... and the person who introduced me to it... hahaz... kinda started thinking of my that great p school friend again... wonder how he's doing now in hk.. :P
hahaz... go check out the above url bah... i juz cleared the first stage... the music came from sonic 3... but this flash game to me is a little lag.. so... hahaz... think it'll take me a bit more time b4 i can clear everything... hahaz...
10 October 2004
iN tHe sHaDoW oF tHe sTaRz~
changed the layout last nite.... something's wrong wif my font size type and colour... hahaz.. guess html isn't really my cup of tea... do gimme comments on the design, yar?
09 October 2004
i wished upon a star for you...
this post should have come up yesterday... but owning to the fact that 2 days ago i had almost no sleep at all trying to finish sheila's present... i typed halfway yesterday.. and then knocked out in front of the comp.... wif pple trying to converse to me... trying to figure out whether i've woken up a nots.. *cos i always fall asleep in front of the comp when i'm too tired... :P*
yar... so finished the cross stitch... den at that time it was 6.30am.... wanted to meet junyi and pansy to go school together at 7.20am... so tot i should take a nap.. cos i had totally no sleep... which means generally that i would be half dead in school... dun want mah... so took a nap.. and guess wad? i overslept... slept till 7.20, when junyi called me.. den i woke up... and realised that i'm going to be late... so maluating.. i ended up to be late by 20 mins for physics lesson... sian diaos...
aniwae... it wasn't a good day for me yesterday... besides being so physically drained... though i did nothing through the nite but to stitch stitch... which resulted in me seeing all those threads whenever i closed my eyes... ha~ budden... sighz... juz felt nothing's going right... first overslept until late lohz. sighz... maybe it would have been better if i din nap at all....
besides that... went to school.. then half the time stoning there... might as well dun go school le... =(
and...
sighz...
my mum called me during break.. to tell me that.. one of the fishes which fiona and jasmine gave me for bdae... it died... for that time i stood kinda in shock... before the thing started to sink in...
den had to rush to toilet during chem halfway cos cannot tahan le... bet i made pple sitting ard me like pansy and zhanxin a little worried... den when i finally calmed down, shian chi came into the toilet and saw me... and heard my "flu sounding" voice... and she realised that something was wrong.. sorry to have made ya so worried yar? i'm feeling better now... =)
funny thing how i can grow so attatched to the fish which only came into my life like... 2 days before hand? and.... i think if the same thing happened 3 years ago, i wun have felt this way....
or maybe this time round.. i felt i was responsible for their lives... and i want them to live on... cos... previously, all the fishes i reared died... and i think i've never quite gotten over them... cos i felt... fishes they have their own life.. .and by capturing them and placing them in our care as selfish human beings.. we ought to be responsible for their lives... and should let them enjoy life... but.. .i failed terribly... all the fishes which came to my hands died... either due to... perhaps overfeeding? or cos not enuff oxygen.... so.... for quite some time i told myself that i dun ever wanna buy fishes to keep anymore... cos i'm not good enuff to take care of them...
and now... only after 2 days in my care... there had been 1 casualty... leaving the other fish all alone in that cold hard glass container...
and to think that the day before it died... i was thinking of the names for the fishes... wanted to call them 流星雨 and 小鱼儿... budden that time busy wif cross stitch.. din go and look at the fishes to actually name them... come to think of it... haiz....
i bet my mum could tell i was very upset over the death of either 小鱼儿 or 流星雨... den she went to buy 2 more goldfishes.... which when she told me... i was kinda... scared... cos.. wad if they died again? but i was cheered up... cos... of wad she did... =) thankx...
den.. over the night.. the two new goldfishes couldn't make it.. and they both died...
sighz... it's me, right?
now.... i guess i'm past the crying stage le... no more tears welling up my eyes... juz... staring quite blankly at the comp screen... feeling sorry for the lone fish swimming in the glass container again... i've decided that it should be called... 留星雨... hoping that it would stay... and hope that i can be good enuff to take care of it... though i know deep down that... maybe it wun make it already le... i dunno...
somehow this whole episode reminded me of... carmen and her bettys in 9th elsewhere...
except that... my betty wun regenerate and appear again...
i'm wishing upon a star for u.... for the three of u guys... i hope ur din die too painfully... and... rest in peace...
yar... so finished the cross stitch... den at that time it was 6.30am.... wanted to meet junyi and pansy to go school together at 7.20am... so tot i should take a nap.. cos i had totally no sleep... which means generally that i would be half dead in school... dun want mah... so took a nap.. and guess wad? i overslept... slept till 7.20, when junyi called me.. den i woke up... and realised that i'm going to be late... so maluating.. i ended up to be late by 20 mins for physics lesson... sian diaos...
aniwae... it wasn't a good day for me yesterday... besides being so physically drained... though i did nothing through the nite but to stitch stitch... which resulted in me seeing all those threads whenever i closed my eyes... ha~ budden... sighz... juz felt nothing's going right... first overslept until late lohz. sighz... maybe it would have been better if i din nap at all....
besides that... went to school.. then half the time stoning there... might as well dun go school le... =(
and...
sighz...
my mum called me during break.. to tell me that.. one of the fishes which fiona and jasmine gave me for bdae... it died... for that time i stood kinda in shock... before the thing started to sink in...
den had to rush to toilet during chem halfway cos cannot tahan le... bet i made pple sitting ard me like pansy and zhanxin a little worried... den when i finally calmed down, shian chi came into the toilet and saw me... and heard my "flu sounding" voice... and she realised that something was wrong.. sorry to have made ya so worried yar? i'm feeling better now... =)
funny thing how i can grow so attatched to the fish which only came into my life like... 2 days before hand? and.... i think if the same thing happened 3 years ago, i wun have felt this way....
or maybe this time round.. i felt i was responsible for their lives... and i want them to live on... cos... previously, all the fishes i reared died... and i think i've never quite gotten over them... cos i felt... fishes they have their own life.. .and by capturing them and placing them in our care as selfish human beings.. we ought to be responsible for their lives... and should let them enjoy life... but.. .i failed terribly... all the fishes which came to my hands died... either due to... perhaps overfeeding? or cos not enuff oxygen.... so.... for quite some time i told myself that i dun ever wanna buy fishes to keep anymore... cos i'm not good enuff to take care of them...
and now... only after 2 days in my care... there had been 1 casualty... leaving the other fish all alone in that cold hard glass container...
and to think that the day before it died... i was thinking of the names for the fishes... wanted to call them 流星雨 and 小鱼儿... budden that time busy wif cross stitch.. din go and look at the fishes to actually name them... come to think of it... haiz....
i bet my mum could tell i was very upset over the death of either 小鱼儿 or 流星雨... den she went to buy 2 more goldfishes.... which when she told me... i was kinda... scared... cos.. wad if they died again? but i was cheered up... cos... of wad she did... =) thankx...
den.. over the night.. the two new goldfishes couldn't make it.. and they both died...
sighz... it's me, right?
now.... i guess i'm past the crying stage le... no more tears welling up my eyes... juz... staring quite blankly at the comp screen... feeling sorry for the lone fish swimming in the glass container again... i've decided that it should be called... 留星雨... hoping that it would stay... and hope that i can be good enuff to take care of it... though i know deep down that... maybe it wun make it already le... i dunno...
somehow this whole episode reminded me of... carmen and her bettys in 9th elsewhere...
except that... my betty wun regenerate and appear again...
i'm wishing upon a star for u.... for the three of u guys... i hope ur din die too painfully... and... rest in peace...
06 October 2004
heyz...
happy birthday to 游,
happy birthday to 游,
happy birthday to sotong...
happy birthday to 游...
hahaz.. dots... when i saw this sms.. hahaz... but glad to receive it... :D
feeling happy now... though things weren't too bright for me.... hahaz... contented maybe bah... still thinking of things which happened yesterday and todae...
aniwae... juz wanna say...a BIG...
THANKEW~~ to all those mentioned below...
weixiang, weijie, zhanxin, nico and zhidong: *i hope i din leave any out...* for that cute sotong and the orange pot! hahahaz....
kelvin and junyi: for that pair of op slippers! din think u guys would actually remember that i really like that pair! and that kelvin ar... still walk and try to measure my shoe size!!! u ar... really li hai lehz. :p
shian chi, pansy, sheila, yunzi, xiaoli, yin yin: omg! u gals actually bought me that... orange dress!!! omg... dunno whether i'll actually get to wear it or not.. hahaz...
fiona and jasmine: thankx for those fishes!!! eh... dunno whether i'm capable of taking care of it... but rest assured! i'll try my very best to make sure it wun die! :P
kelvin: thankx for that comic!!! :D aiyoh.. bought that pair of slippers le, still went to buy the comic.... thankew~
jonathan and liqian: for that really nice present!!! :D ur muz have put in loads of effort!!! really appreciate that... :D and.. yupz~ frienz foreva! :D
and most importantly...
to my parents, my sis and my brother: for celebrating my birthday with me... to my sis... for going down to west mall to get that delicious cake for me... thankx a millions... and to my mum... for trying so hard to celebrate my birthday when i actually dao-ed her yesterday when she asked me wad i want for my cake todae.. hahaz... i was feeling kinda down yesterday.... and i din really like to have such a big celebration or something... so i told her i dun want anything lohz.... budden todae... she actually went to ask my sis to go get a cake for me despite all that.. and the most important thing is that.... she said.. 有人给你庆祝生日是一种福气喔！要好好珍惜！and so... for a moment.. i felt 感动... =)
thankx to everybody out there... like.. yu chun! u still remembered my bdae! and.. eugene too! kinda surprising that u remembered... =) thankew so much.. i really enjoyed myself todae... =)
and thankew jasmine fifi shian chi nico and weixiang!!! for going to ktv with me todae!!! i really enjoyed my dae! hope u guys enjoyed urselves too!
abt the fishes.. hahaz... it's kinda furnie.. cos... juz now when i reached home.. i had no idea where to put the fishes... first i placed it at the dining table... den with everybody in the family eating there during dinner, my fishes would have loads of disturbances... so change position... dun wanna scare the fishes... next, my mum suggested me to put at this place above the cupboard for my hi-fi set... in the living room.. den i was complaining that it's too high, might topple the glass jar and my poor fishes might die... then my mum suggested that i place it at the table at one corner of the living room... den i said.. aiyah... too far.. i cannot see my fishes that often *cos it's kinda hidden at one corner of the house le... which i dun visit often.. hahaz~ finally i placed the fishes beside the tv.... then my mum was like saying... heyz.. u put the fishes there, then the tv so noisy, wun ur fishes be scared? den i replied.. eh... fishes oso wanna see tv one wad. :p dots...
and then again. there was .... AHEMS.... a controversy of wad to name the fishes... ahems... those pple out there.. u know who u r... hahahaz...
and... nico!!! stop eyeing my fishes!!! :P i know they appear tasty.. but.. ahems... not good to eat them raw, right? :P
aniwae... this year.. i have 3 big birthday wishes... like i'm kinda greedy liddat lehz... aniwae i juz wish that my wishes would come true in the order i made them.. hahaz... *greedy pig* sighz... hope everything would turn out alright... =)
05 October 2004
on the eve of a not at all special day.
hahaz...
dunno wad's wrong with me now... all of a sudden feel everything crashing down...
it's not work, it's not relationships *at least that's wad i would love to think...*... it's not... well.. i dunno now...
family? i duno... maybe it plays a huge part now... juz feeling ultra dumb and horrible now... juz now... came home late cos went shopping with xiaoli pansy fifi dey all for prom dress... ended up reaching home like.. at 7.45.... and it's like.. my parent's wedding aniversary... jialats. i only remembered all of a sudden when i reached west mall... after i bought a $9.50 comic book... leaving myself totally broke with 2.50 left.... and i was thinking... aiyah.. so late le.. might as well try to rush home asap.. rather than to spend more time trying to shop for a present for my parents... brisk walked all the way home... den tried to appear cheery when i reached home... my mum questioned where i went.. so i told her truthfully...
den... after the 7o'clock show... when she could settle down and start nagging and scolding pple again... it all comes down again... nag at my brother to stop using comp... nag at me... repremanded y i din score well for chem... *wah.. i really tried hard le lohz... i really did...* hahaz... she simply din get it bah. all of a sudden i'm so envious of my sister who seems to be able to ace everything.
maybe i'm feeling stressed now bah.... not meeting up to pple's different expectations... i'm not perfect at all... so why come blame me for some of the things i couldn't really control? for eg... my chem? maybe i din study hard enuff le... but at least i din find it disappointing... sometimes i appear to heck care abt results and everything.. but deep down, i know my limits.. i wun let myself duo4 luo4 until so jialats.. personally i was kinda upset that i got a d... den i cheered myself up by saying that it's only prelims and that... well, at least i made some improvements, and now at least i'm slightly above average... den she comes along and make me sink back into everything again. hahaz... well done. *oh my god. i'm back to the good ole sacarstic me.*
it's not her fault bah. the fault lies with myself.. feeling a headache coming towards myself..
i have too many faults.. but people seem to think i dun have those faults... and to try to meet up to their expectations.. maybe i'm juz trying too hard... but still unable to make it... hahaz...
sometimes i really wanna slap myself.. i guess i juz dunno how to express myself at all... no observation skills.. not gentle at all... dunno how to show care for others. i really tried to be a "good friend" to be there for my friends when they need them... but then maybe it's juz all a cover... juz to cover up my weaknesses...
like now. how i try to pretend i'm okies when my dad juz came out of the shower...
once again, i had been proven how hard it is to be "a nice person".
i'm not a nice person at all... how many times have i tried to revert back to the bad, totally insensitive idiot? well... i'm always liddat wad.... no matter how hard u try to cover wadeva flaws u have, u're still.. flawed. there's no way to change it... we are all flawed cos none of us are perfect... then y issit that u muz think that i can do this, i can do that.. and i can do and be everything in the world?
hahaz.. sorry for that senseless ramblings...
i'm not a good sister at all... my sis juz wun tell me her problems.. and appear that she has none... and i'm being the idiotic overbearing sister by hogging the com to type this stupid blog entry now... and with regards to my brother, i appear to be doing nothing to help him in his studies... or to help my mum discipline my brother..
and i'm not a good daughter.. for being so insensitive... so blur... so idiotic... to go and have thoughts of slapping my mum sometimes when she's too irritating... sigh... maybe it's my foul mood... and... sometimes or rather most of the times, i would juz.. heck care abt everything in the familiy... dun care abt housework... or washing dishes after dinner at all...
studies wise... i feel i'm still okies by my own standards, but my mum juz feels i'm still millions of miles away from the 4 A she wanted... lucky she din know abt the s papers thingy... or else i bet she would have used that to make me study even harder now..
and... to my friends... juz feel i'm totally blur and insensitive... can't even tell whether someone is feeling okies or not... i'm such a darn failure... and... i wanna show care and concern... but juz dunno how... and so i'll choose to keep quiet... and juz let that person zi4 shen1 zi4 mie4... i ought to be shot to death.... and i can't help pple keep secrets.... so next time pple out there ur might as well not trust me anymore... dun tell me secrets any more...
and i'm juz a super chor lor girl... who doesn't know how to react when things happen... pple say i look elegant? and the "gao1 bu4 ke3 pan1".... but.... hahaz. they are all wrong.... i'm the person who cannot "gao1 pan1" they themselves.... so i should juz simply keep my mouth shut and juz continue smiling like some idiot.
and now my dad has to help me wash dishes again cos maybe he could tell i was crying before hand... and he tries to pretend he doesn't know.
hahaz...i oso can't understand myself.. it's only results only lehz.. only a stupid chem result with a d... wad for be so upset? the normal me would juz laff at this horrible result and then move on.. but somehow this time, i can't...
i'm not good at anything... not good at studies, not good at being a good friend *where got good friends forget their good frienz birthdays one?* not being a good sister and daughter... i simply have no idea how to be nice... i tot i knew last time.. .turned out i was horribly wrong... i wanted to bring joy to others... turned out i brought more trouble for them... hahaz... smart girl, smart girl...
sighz. shall not hog the com any longer... happy birthday in advance to me. and... being a year older brings me a step closer to eternal slumber... ... time to stop being such a idiot before i have no chances left at all...
dunno wad's wrong with me now... all of a sudden feel everything crashing down...
it's not work, it's not relationships *at least that's wad i would love to think...*... it's not... well.. i dunno now...
family? i duno... maybe it plays a huge part now... juz feeling ultra dumb and horrible now... juz now... came home late cos went shopping with xiaoli pansy fifi dey all for prom dress... ended up reaching home like.. at 7.45.... and it's like.. my parent's wedding aniversary... jialats. i only remembered all of a sudden when i reached west mall... after i bought a $9.50 comic book... leaving myself totally broke with 2.50 left.... and i was thinking... aiyah.. so late le.. might as well try to rush home asap.. rather than to spend more time trying to shop for a present for my parents... brisk walked all the way home... den tried to appear cheery when i reached home... my mum questioned where i went.. so i told her truthfully...
den... after the 7o'clock show... when she could settle down and start nagging and scolding pple again... it all comes down again... nag at my brother to stop using comp... nag at me... repremanded y i din score well for chem... *wah.. i really tried hard le lohz... i really did...* hahaz... she simply din get it bah. all of a sudden i'm so envious of my sister who seems to be able to ace everything.
maybe i'm feeling stressed now bah.... not meeting up to pple's different expectations... i'm not perfect at all... so why come blame me for some of the things i couldn't really control? for eg... my chem? maybe i din study hard enuff le... but at least i din find it disappointing... sometimes i appear to heck care abt results and everything.. but deep down, i know my limits.. i wun let myself duo4 luo4 until so jialats.. personally i was kinda upset that i got a d... den i cheered myself up by saying that it's only prelims and that... well, at least i made some improvements, and now at least i'm slightly above average... den she comes along and make me sink back into everything again. hahaz... well done. *oh my god. i'm back to the good ole sacarstic me.*
it's not her fault bah. the fault lies with myself.. feeling a headache coming towards myself..
i have too many faults.. but people seem to think i dun have those faults... and to try to meet up to their expectations.. maybe i'm juz trying too hard... but still unable to make it... hahaz...
sometimes i really wanna slap myself.. i guess i juz dunno how to express myself at all... no observation skills.. not gentle at all... dunno how to show care for others. i really tried to be a "good friend" to be there for my friends when they need them... but then maybe it's juz all a cover... juz to cover up my weaknesses...
like now. how i try to pretend i'm okies when my dad juz came out of the shower...
once again, i had been proven how hard it is to be "a nice person".
i'm not a nice person at all... how many times have i tried to revert back to the bad, totally insensitive idiot? well... i'm always liddat wad.... no matter how hard u try to cover wadeva flaws u have, u're still.. flawed. there's no way to change it... we are all flawed cos none of us are perfect... then y issit that u muz think that i can do this, i can do that.. and i can do and be everything in the world?
hahaz.. sorry for that senseless ramblings...
i'm not a good sister at all... my sis juz wun tell me her problems.. and appear that she has none... and i'm being the idiotic overbearing sister by hogging the com to type this stupid blog entry now... and with regards to my brother, i appear to be doing nothing to help him in his studies... or to help my mum discipline my brother..
and i'm not a good daughter.. for being so insensitive... so blur... so idiotic... to go and have thoughts of slapping my mum sometimes when she's too irritating... sigh... maybe it's my foul mood... and... sometimes or rather most of the times, i would juz.. heck care abt everything in the familiy... dun care abt housework... or washing dishes after dinner at all...
studies wise... i feel i'm still okies by my own standards, but my mum juz feels i'm still millions of miles away from the 4 A she wanted... lucky she din know abt the s papers thingy... or else i bet she would have used that to make me study even harder now..
and... to my friends... juz feel i'm totally blur and insensitive... can't even tell whether someone is feeling okies or not... i'm such a darn failure... and... i wanna show care and concern... but juz dunno how... and so i'll choose to keep quiet... and juz let that person zi4 shen1 zi4 mie4... i ought to be shot to death.... and i can't help pple keep secrets.... so next time pple out there ur might as well not trust me anymore... dun tell me secrets any more...
and i'm juz a super chor lor girl... who doesn't know how to react when things happen... pple say i look elegant? and the "gao1 bu4 ke3 pan1".... but.... hahaz. they are all wrong.... i'm the person who cannot "gao1 pan1" they themselves.... so i should juz simply keep my mouth shut and juz continue smiling like some idiot.
and now my dad has to help me wash dishes again cos maybe he could tell i was crying before hand... and he tries to pretend he doesn't know.
hahaz...i oso can't understand myself.. it's only results only lehz.. only a stupid chem result with a d... wad for be so upset? the normal me would juz laff at this horrible result and then move on.. but somehow this time, i can't...
i'm not good at anything... not good at studies, not good at being a good friend *where got good friends forget their good frienz birthdays one?* not being a good sister and daughter... i simply have no idea how to be nice... i tot i knew last time.. .turned out i was horribly wrong... i wanted to bring joy to others... turned out i brought more trouble for them... hahaz... smart girl, smart girl...
sighz. shall not hog the com any longer... happy birthday in advance to me. and... being a year older brings me a step closer to eternal slumber... ... time to stop being such a idiot before i have no chances left at all...
04 October 2004
senseless ramblings.
sighz... now that i've calmed down much as compared to two days ago, can finally sit down and talk abt wad happened 2 days ago.... aiyah... my mum and bro were once again quarreling cos my brother kept playing on the comp and my mum bu shuang... den my mum started dragging in loads of stuff... like... how no one in the family shows her care and concern... and how nobody listens to her animore... den... the way she puts it... when it has nothing to do with her argument wif my bro... juz makes pple more irritated... and when my brother decides to further dao her, she turns her target to me and starts to scold me for not packing up my stuff... okies... i admit now that i'm at fault for not packing my stuff cos it's really darn messy, budden... that time really very irritated le... so i juz... like.. fu yan her... said yesh.. but in the end my pile of stuff is still lying all over the lace.. hahahaz..
and my stoopid brother... i asked politely whether i could use the comp from him.. he dao me. fine... i said.. silence means consent.. so i used... den 3 mins later, went to toilet... den come back saw him signing off for me without even asking me.... wah lew... i wanna slap him le lohz. first u dao pple, next u disrespect that person, doing things related to that person without asking lohz. i was quite pissed off with him lohz... sighz.... den my mum added on to this.. by commenting that.. dunno when he became liddat.. wah.. really felt like slapping him le.... he not only shows ap to me, he shows it to my mum and everybody.... sighz...
i really dunno wad to do with him.... den when my mum targeted me, she started bringing in how i as his elder sis should not go out so often and stay at home to look after my brother and teach him his hw.... wah~ if he really wants help he could come and ask me, i'll gladly help him... the prob is even when he actually have prob, well.. simply.... that situation wun really occur cos he would always think he's right, and juz anyhow whack that problem.... he juz wun admit that he doesn't know how to do certain stuff... -_-''' sighz.... den u ask me how to help him? haiz.
den now.. stupid computer... i cannot sign into msn.. on my comp... now using my brother's comp cos he's not at home now... phew~ save me from another argument with him.... sighz.
shall talk abt happier stuff now.. like.. yesterday... =)
went out to play badminton with junyi kelvin and zhanxin... <-- kinda surprising that he would actually come out to play... hahaz.. .tot he would only come out when there's ball. :P
aniwae.. was glad to have come out.. cos at home.. always here pple quarreling here and there. siandeds totally...
played badminton. den played bball.. kelvin zhanxin and zhemin were playing against this girl who is from school team and her guy friend... den they wanted me to join in.. budden.. hahaz.. i dunno how to play bball at all when u put me next to all these experts.. hahaz.. in the end... me and junyi sat at the side.. looking at them play.. den decided to play badminton abit. den borrowed zhanxin's ball to start shooting at the other side of the court... den this nice uncle came and zhi dian the two of us. bball idiots.. hahaz... den we found out he was actually a past tchs *arrgh. that school again. but this uncle is different from my irritating brother. hahaz* bball school team player... hahaz... he's quite zai.... no matter how he puts the ball in using underhand lay.. it always goes in even when it seemed not to make it.. :D so he corrected my underhand lay... den i finally took one step towards beating zhanxin at bball... ha~
sighz. i miss bball... hahaz.... =)
and my stoopid brother... i asked politely whether i could use the comp from him.. he dao me. fine... i said.. silence means consent.. so i used... den 3 mins later, went to toilet... den come back saw him signing off for me without even asking me.... wah lew... i wanna slap him le lohz. first u dao pple, next u disrespect that person, doing things related to that person without asking lohz. i was quite pissed off with him lohz... sighz.... den my mum added on to this.. by commenting that.. dunno when he became liddat.. wah.. really felt like slapping him le.... he not only shows ap to me, he shows it to my mum and everybody.... sighz...
i really dunno wad to do with him.... den when my mum targeted me, she started bringing in how i as his elder sis should not go out so often and stay at home to look after my brother and teach him his hw.... wah~ if he really wants help he could come and ask me, i'll gladly help him... the prob is even when he actually have prob, well.. simply.... that situation wun really occur cos he would always think he's right, and juz anyhow whack that problem.... he juz wun admit that he doesn't know how to do certain stuff... -_-''' sighz.... den u ask me how to help him? haiz.
den now.. stupid computer... i cannot sign into msn.. on my comp... now using my brother's comp cos he's not at home now... phew~ save me from another argument with him.... sighz.
shall talk abt happier stuff now.. like.. yesterday... =)
went out to play badminton with junyi kelvin and zhanxin... <-- kinda surprising that he would actually come out to play... hahaz.. .tot he would only come out when there's ball. :P
aniwae.. was glad to have come out.. cos at home.. always here pple quarreling here and there. siandeds totally...
played badminton. den played bball.. kelvin zhanxin and zhemin were playing against this girl who is from school team and her guy friend... den they wanted me to join in.. budden.. hahaz.. i dunno how to play bball at all when u put me next to all these experts.. hahaz.. in the end... me and junyi sat at the side.. looking at them play.. den decided to play badminton abit. den borrowed zhanxin's ball to start shooting at the other side of the court... den this nice uncle came and zhi dian the two of us. bball idiots.. hahaz... den we found out he was actually a past tchs *arrgh. that school again. but this uncle is different from my irritating brother. hahaz* bball school team player... hahaz... he's quite zai.... no matter how he puts the ball in using underhand lay.. it always goes in even when it seemed not to make it.. :D so he corrected my underhand lay... den i finally took one step towards beating zhanxin at bball... ha~
sighz. i miss bball... hahaz.... =)
03 October 2004
sighz. it's driving me crazy.
and i'm going crazier and crazier by the second.
first.... the stupid router decides to give us prob again. now i'm trying hard to salvage the situation....
with my mum and brother quarrelling again in the background.
and somehow when my mum decides she gives up talking to my brother, she shifts her target to me.
darn irritating. when would this ever stop.
and that router. arrgh.
first.... the stupid router decides to give us prob again. now i'm trying hard to salvage the situation....
with my mum and brother quarrelling again in the background.
and somehow when my mum decides she gives up talking to my brother, she shifts her target to me.
darn irritating. when would this ever stop.
and that router. arrgh.
29 September 2004
i wanna grow up... but i dun wanna grow up... -_-'''
wanted to blog for quite some time le....
these few days... kinda slack.. but busy.. *wad the heck am i talking?* not studying/mugging --AT ALL-- ..... den everyday go out... play all sorts of stuff like... badminton, bball and vball... hahaz... kinda dots lehz... prelims going to score so badly... still not mugging like siao now... should start mugging like.. now? after my dinner.. hahaz~ *eating delicious pineapple rice now... yummy!*
totally famished now... furnie thing is that i ate loads during lunch todae... i almost couldn't finish my bowl of noodles... den shared dessert with junyi and kelvin... and the three of us went shopping for sheila's present... den went ktv.... den i kept hogging the mic... feel kinda bad cos the two of them not singing.... den like very sians liddat... haiz... paiseh~
and guess wad? despite the fact that i really really desparately have to mug, i'm going out for badminton tomoloz. hahaz.. .wad an irony... =Pp
hmms... juz tot... i'm juz way way too immature and insensitive and... blah blah blah... yesterday someone was saying that i have lousy observation skills... den further back... someone said i'm quite a predictable person... jialats. sighz... i really have lousy observation skills? sighz. shall train up on them.... =(
juz think i'm NOT street smart at all.... and dunno how to react... how how how? feel like such a small little kid in the big world... all sorts of things dunno how to do... maybe it's cos i've been a spoilt kid since young.... my parents would do everything for me... even washing dishes for us now... when i'm so old and supposed to help out in washing ... *actually i'm at fault.. cos sometimes i'm too lazy to wash den they'll have no choice but to help me wash.. blush~* hms.. .den liddat next time go out to society how? kanna bully by everybody out there... sians. hahaz... wanna learn more and grow up more.... but at the same time... dreading the day when i become mature and stuff.... cos the more mature u get, the more imperfect u see ur world and u urself to be... and more grey areas would be open to u.... and... i prefer more of black and white....
oh~ speaking of which... i finally dl-ed the hei1 bai2 hua4 ying4 song by jacky cheung... hahaz! so nice!!! :P
now.. darn tired... shoulders aching like siao... wonder how i'm going to survive another day of badminton tomoloz... -_-''' sighz. i want a massage! :P *okies. think i'm mad le* maybe i'll be put to sleep soon.. in the asylum... cos i'm already supposed to be higher level than level 9.... i need fish...
okiesh. shall go drink soup now...
these few days... kinda slack.. but busy.. *wad the heck am i talking?* not studying/mugging --AT ALL-- ..... den everyday go out... play all sorts of stuff like... badminton, bball and vball... hahaz... kinda dots lehz... prelims going to score so badly... still not mugging like siao now... should start mugging like.. now? after my dinner.. hahaz~ *eating delicious pineapple rice now... yummy!*
totally famished now... furnie thing is that i ate loads during lunch todae... i almost couldn't finish my bowl of noodles... den shared dessert with junyi and kelvin... and the three of us went shopping for sheila's present... den went ktv.... den i kept hogging the mic... feel kinda bad cos the two of them not singing.... den like very sians liddat... haiz... paiseh~
and guess wad? despite the fact that i really really desparately have to mug, i'm going out for badminton tomoloz. hahaz.. .wad an irony... =Pp
hmms... juz tot... i'm juz way way too immature and insensitive and... blah blah blah... yesterday someone was saying that i have lousy observation skills... den further back... someone said i'm quite a predictable person... jialats. sighz... i really have lousy observation skills? sighz. shall train up on them.... =(
juz think i'm NOT street smart at all.... and dunno how to react... how how how? feel like such a small little kid in the big world... all sorts of things dunno how to do... maybe it's cos i've been a spoilt kid since young.... my parents would do everything for me... even washing dishes for us now... when i'm so old and supposed to help out in washing ... *actually i'm at fault.. cos sometimes i'm too lazy to wash den they'll have no choice but to help me wash.. blush~* hms.. .den liddat next time go out to society how? kanna bully by everybody out there... sians. hahaz... wanna learn more and grow up more.... but at the same time... dreading the day when i become mature and stuff.... cos the more mature u get, the more imperfect u see ur world and u urself to be... and more grey areas would be open to u.... and... i prefer more of black and white....
oh~ speaking of which... i finally dl-ed the hei1 bai2 hua4 ying4 song by jacky cheung... hahaz! so nice!!! :P
now.. darn tired... shoulders aching like siao... wonder how i'm going to survive another day of badminton tomoloz... -_-''' sighz. i want a massage! :P *okies. think i'm mad le* maybe i'll be put to sleep soon.. in the asylum... cos i'm already supposed to be higher level than level 9.... i need fish...
okiesh. shall go drink soup now...
25 September 2004
我不会轻易放弃，我会更坚强，我一定会更坚强！
quote from ツバサ... book 7 is such a nice book!! :D
think i'm too weak le... loads of things dunno how to handle when they're such simple tasks. and... so insensitive... dunno whether it's on purpose or not... maybe i din really mean it bah. so much for insensitivity. sighz...
sighz.
sometimes dunno whether the things around me... whether they're the truth or... juz... lies.... maybe i'm even lying to myself... much less to others around me... and... sighz... the more i think of it.. the more 无奈 i feel sometimes... sighz.
this morning.. had a weird dream... dreamt of someone leaving all of a sudden... cos of something he did and he had to escape or something.. den i was so.. worried though i tried not to show a thing of how i felt... but... guess he and my other friends all saw through me... den... oh well.... i actually cried? dots. maybe i'm juz afraid of uncertainties? dunno...
but that dream... ended with something which would never happen in real life. which is good, or bad... good cos... well.. it's different from reality. bad cos.. it would only happen in dreams... or to be more specific, my dreams... wahahaz. sad case siaz.
but.. in my dream.. i dreamt i was playing bball... and i could shoot the ball through the hoop using a back hand... den threw the ball towards my back where the hoop is without looking back.. and it went in!!! omg.... how i wish that could be real.. hahaz..
speaking of bball... i wanna play bball! wahahahaz.... going out laters to play.. kinda excited bah... =) all of a sudden have this question popping up in my mind.. who is better... michael jordan or yao ming? hahaz... dots. this goes to show how little knowledge i have of these two players bah. dots. -_-
sighz... den my brother is irritating me again. cos he says he need a black long sleeve shirt... only this morning... den he needs it by 2.... and up till now he hasn't called home to confirm whether he really need or not... den my mum is trying to get me to go with her to buy the clothes... but i promised fifi yesterday that i'll go play bball at 11... and she can't play without me cos i'm supposed to bring shorts for her.. arrgh!!! :'(
neway... gtg le... :'(
think i'm too weak le... loads of things dunno how to handle when they're such simple tasks. and... so insensitive... dunno whether it's on purpose or not... maybe i din really mean it bah. so much for insensitivity. sighz...
sighz.
sometimes dunno whether the things around me... whether they're the truth or... juz... lies.... maybe i'm even lying to myself... much less to others around me... and... sighz... the more i think of it.. the more 无奈 i feel sometimes... sighz.
this morning.. had a weird dream... dreamt of someone leaving all of a sudden... cos of something he did and he had to escape or something.. den i was so.. worried though i tried not to show a thing of how i felt... but... guess he and my other friends all saw through me... den... oh well.... i actually cried? dots. maybe i'm juz afraid of uncertainties? dunno...
but that dream... ended with something which would never happen in real life. which is good, or bad... good cos... well.. it's different from reality. bad cos.. it would only happen in dreams... or to be more specific, my dreams... wahahaz. sad case siaz.
but.. in my dream.. i dreamt i was playing bball... and i could shoot the ball through the hoop using a back hand... den threw the ball towards my back where the hoop is without looking back.. and it went in!!! omg.... how i wish that could be real.. hahaz..
speaking of bball... i wanna play bball! wahahahaz.... going out laters to play.. kinda excited bah... =) all of a sudden have this question popping up in my mind.. who is better... michael jordan or yao ming? hahaz... dots. this goes to show how little knowledge i have of these two players bah. dots. -_-
sighz... den my brother is irritating me again. cos he says he need a black long sleeve shirt... only this morning... den he needs it by 2.... and up till now he hasn't called home to confirm whether he really need or not... den my mum is trying to get me to go with her to buy the clothes... but i promised fifi yesterday that i'll go play bball at 11... and she can't play without me cos i'm supposed to bring shorts for her.. arrgh!!! :'(
neway... gtg le... :'(
21 September 2004
going... going.... gone!
going crazy... going crazy.... gone crazy.
at this rate i'm going. i'm seriously going to go mad.
it's driving me crazy...
i dunno when my brother would finally mature and understand things... maybe he does, but he's juz doing things recklessly....
dunno wad to do to him to make him understand.
well... he probably understands it now... at least he's doing some work... not like me slacking ard here...
kinda worried for his final year exams... he can actually fail his subjects when he's in gep.... and he only fails by a few marks... if he could spend slightly lesser time playing warcraft online... he could do much better.
and he's juz simply as stubborn as a mule.
perhaps it runs in the family.
my mum was screaming at him.... to go do work.... cos.... he was supposed to have half an hour break... in the end he spent abt 20 min reading comments on game forums online, den went onto the server for a game... and he dragged his break time to another 1 hour plus... with my mum yelling at him like siao. i was napping that time... den heard my mum screaming. woke me up.. hahaz....
i could understand why he can't juz walk away from the com at that point in time... he was only halfway through the game, and it's not nice to pangseh all ur comrades in battle and leave them ... probably to die? but with my mum screaming there... and she speaks sense... and i agree with my mum's stand... if my brother wanna play... it's not that he can't... if he can manage his studies well all of us would have no problems with him playing day and night... but he can't.. and he has to focus more on his studies, especially when his final year exams are juz around the corner... and... in his course, if he had done pretty well throughout the whole year, he wun have to take the final year exam. which simply goes to show how jialats the situation is. and he still has no sense of urgency when it's in sept le.. and his exam is in oct. sighz.
sighz. maybe the pot is calling the kettle black.. hahaz.. maybe he's trying to take after me... cos i whole day slack and heck care abt results... but he din realise that no matter how slack i am, i wun allow myself to fail any subject horribly, and would try my very best to salvage my results if it really happened... *though now i'm having slight trouble with that. hahaz.*
maybe i should do something to help my brother... like. dissembling both the pcs in my house. den all of us can't go online. mad ar. hahaz. -_-'''
sighz.
at this rate i'm going. i'm seriously going to go mad.
it's driving me crazy...
i dunno when my brother would finally mature and understand things... maybe he does, but he's juz doing things recklessly....
dunno wad to do to him to make him understand.
well... he probably understands it now... at least he's doing some work... not like me slacking ard here...
kinda worried for his final year exams... he can actually fail his subjects when he's in gep.... and he only fails by a few marks... if he could spend slightly lesser time playing warcraft online... he could do much better.
and he's juz simply as stubborn as a mule.
perhaps it runs in the family.
my mum was screaming at him.... to go do work.... cos.... he was supposed to have half an hour break... in the end he spent abt 20 min reading comments on game forums online, den went onto the server for a game... and he dragged his break time to another 1 hour plus... with my mum yelling at him like siao. i was napping that time... den heard my mum screaming. woke me up.. hahaz....
i could understand why he can't juz walk away from the com at that point in time... he was only halfway through the game, and it's not nice to pangseh all ur comrades in battle and leave them ... probably to die? but with my mum screaming there... and she speaks sense... and i agree with my mum's stand... if my brother wanna play... it's not that he can't... if he can manage his studies well all of us would have no problems with him playing day and night... but he can't.. and he has to focus more on his studies, especially when his final year exams are juz around the corner... and... in his course, if he had done pretty well throughout the whole year, he wun have to take the final year exam. which simply goes to show how jialats the situation is. and he still has no sense of urgency when it's in sept le.. and his exam is in oct. sighz.
sighz. maybe the pot is calling the kettle black.. hahaz.. maybe he's trying to take after me... cos i whole day slack and heck care abt results... but he din realise that no matter how slack i am, i wun allow myself to fail any subject horribly, and would try my very best to salvage my results if it really happened... *though now i'm having slight trouble with that. hahaz.*
maybe i should do something to help my brother... like. dissembling both the pcs in my house. den all of us can't go online. mad ar. hahaz. -_-'''
sighz.
raining.. and raining.. and rain continues to fall..
suddenly, the tune of 白月光 juz keeps ringing in my mind. dunno y oso. hahaz. maybe it's a reflection of my mood now? hahaz.
it's raining again. raining cats and dogs...
for a while. i thought i could forget. guess i was wrong again. as usual. hahaz...
yesterday... had a dream... dreamt i was in this dark dungeon all by myself... i was a mage... fighting in darkness.... and accidentally stumbled across this place with... loads of monsters which seem to never stop coming and charging at me... finally managed to break through these monsters.... and defeat all of them... den i saw this dark place leading deeper into this dungeon... and downstairs seem to have more monsters... ventured further... accidentally dropped to this place which is like a wheel... and i'm standing on the top of it... with... this eye... on the wheel thingy... looked really scary... especially when it's staring at u, and u can't go back to where u came from.... bo bian, had to go further down to look for a way to get out... couldn't move.... so the wheel juz started turning and i was stuck to the wheel... and after dropping onto two other wheels.. i finally dropped to a place... where i further walked on... and found... light.. and some pple who were there... whom i had no idea who they are... and one was like... forcing me to go down this flight of stairs into further darkness, while there were two more guys sitting at a round table.. den i went up to one guy to ask him where that place is... and that guy keep blabbering as though he has some verbal diarrhoea... all of a sudden, i felt so scared... cos... i dunno where i am... dunno how to get out.... felt so lost.. even though i was with... those two guys sitting round the table.. come to think of it, i din feel so lonely when i was alone, beseiged by all those enemies... hahaz... i wonder why...
woke up from that dream... feeling.... a little lost bah. felt as though i couldn't wake up from that dream... perhaps... we would only know how it feels to be lonely only when we once had company... and it's because we know such feeling so well that we would want to seek company...
somehow... though i know it's a dream, i'm still kinda... shaken by it bah. especially the eyes part... dunno y... maybe it's cos whenever i look at someone, the first thing i'll notice is the eyes bah... so when i saw those eyes staring at me from the wheel... it juz freaks me out... somemore i saw 3 of them.. hahaz. silly girl. -_-'''
sighz. feeling.. strange now... trying to forget, but, the memories juz... kept coming back today... maybe it's juz me... trying not to forget in my subconscious... sighz.
is this... being something dangerous for me? cos... the more i try to forget, the more it comes back to me... and.. perhaps... i might choose to leave with the wind... hahaz. no... of course that wun happen.... as long as i'm firm enough. but... wad if? hahaz. -_-'''
sighz. feeling better after my verbal diarrhoea... speaking of diarrhoea... i had a rather bad stomachache this morning.. hahaz... dots.. no link.... but... well... sighz. maths paper!!! drats... lucky i din do pure stats or mech... or else i think i'll die pretty pretty. sighz. budden... i feel that my maths are starting to deprove... no... should be it's deproving like siao. sians. and somemore got physics paper tomoloz... wah!!! :'( sighz. hope prelims can end soon... .. ..
it's raining again. raining cats and dogs...
for a while. i thought i could forget. guess i was wrong again. as usual. hahaz...
yesterday... had a dream... dreamt i was in this dark dungeon all by myself... i was a mage... fighting in darkness.... and accidentally stumbled across this place with... loads of monsters which seem to never stop coming and charging at me... finally managed to break through these monsters.... and defeat all of them... den i saw this dark place leading deeper into this dungeon... and downstairs seem to have more monsters... ventured further... accidentally dropped to this place which is like a wheel... and i'm standing on the top of it... with... this eye... on the wheel thingy... looked really scary... especially when it's staring at u, and u can't go back to where u came from.... bo bian, had to go further down to look for a way to get out... couldn't move.... so the wheel juz started turning and i was stuck to the wheel... and after dropping onto two other wheels.. i finally dropped to a place... where i further walked on... and found... light.. and some pple who were there... whom i had no idea who they are... and one was like... forcing me to go down this flight of stairs into further darkness, while there were two more guys sitting at a round table.. den i went up to one guy to ask him where that place is... and that guy keep blabbering as though he has some verbal diarrhoea... all of a sudden, i felt so scared... cos... i dunno where i am... dunno how to get out.... felt so lost.. even though i was with... those two guys sitting round the table.. come to think of it, i din feel so lonely when i was alone, beseiged by all those enemies... hahaz... i wonder why...
woke up from that dream... feeling.... a little lost bah. felt as though i couldn't wake up from that dream... perhaps... we would only know how it feels to be lonely only when we once had company... and it's because we know such feeling so well that we would want to seek company...
somehow... though i know it's a dream, i'm still kinda... shaken by it bah. especially the eyes part... dunno y... maybe it's cos whenever i look at someone, the first thing i'll notice is the eyes bah... so when i saw those eyes staring at me from the wheel... it juz freaks me out... somemore i saw 3 of them.. hahaz. silly girl. -_-'''
sighz. feeling.. strange now... trying to forget, but, the memories juz... kept coming back today... maybe it's juz me... trying not to forget in my subconscious... sighz.
is this... being something dangerous for me? cos... the more i try to forget, the more it comes back to me... and.. perhaps... i might choose to leave with the wind... hahaz. no... of course that wun happen.... as long as i'm firm enough. but... wad if? hahaz. -_-'''
sighz. feeling better after my verbal diarrhoea... speaking of diarrhoea... i had a rather bad stomachache this morning.. hahaz... dots.. no link.... but... well... sighz. maths paper!!! drats... lucky i din do pure stats or mech... or else i think i'll die pretty pretty. sighz. budden... i feel that my maths are starting to deprove... no... should be it's deproving like siao. sians. and somemore got physics paper tomoloz... wah!!! :'( sighz. hope prelims can end soon... .. ..
20 September 2004
fear.
wanted to write this entry for quite a few days le...finally todae... can sort of sit down and start typing... hahaz..
so many uncertainties... so many questions which had been left unanswered... and so many... changes to the world we live in.... leading us to question whatever answer which had been given to us previously...
and to face all these questions and uncertainties... it's no mean feat.
somehow... fear... might simply accelerate and overtake u no matter how u might have told urself to remain composed in times of this.
afraid that something unexpected would happen again. but then again, since when have our lives been so every predictable?
life is never predictable. sadly... hahaz.
but it's because of such uncertainty which made life even more beautiful.
there are some things which i would love to... seek a... probably... different answer than the one which had been given to me beforehand... somehow... juz had the desire to change whatever ending u call it... and perhaps, in the time i've left now.... i could seek that change i hope for...
and then again. some things are better left alone.
juz had a... rather... unexpected encounter bah... all thanks to my "inquisitive" nature... -_-''' well.. others might not have viewed it as being unexpected... guess this is probably subjective bah. when things juz simply seem to spiral out of ur control... although everything seems fine on the surface, and u seem to have reached a conclusion to that event.... there is still a slight possibility of a sudden change... which might catch one off guard... perhaps that's wad i fear... fear the unknown.... but... since it's unknown... y fear? hahaz. i'm simply contradicting myself.
-_-
even the prelims... i have such a... premonition that i wun do well.... juz a feeling.. but it's kinda scary bah.. hahaz... *actually such things no need to have premonition... juz look at the number of hours i spend online... hahaz. u get the picture... ;P* oh well. guess i'll juz have to try my luck bah... let nature take it's course.. hahaz.
omg. i think i'm starting to sound like someone. or maybe it's that person hu's trying to sound like me. wad am i talking abt. -_-
*wad u are observing now is a rather common phenomena which occurs to patients who are subjected to huge amounts of stress due to a pile of papers.*
sighz. how i wish i've got the power to control change. wahahahaz. fat hope.
so many uncertainties... so many questions which had been left unanswered... and so many... changes to the world we live in.... leading us to question whatever answer which had been given to us previously...
and to face all these questions and uncertainties... it's no mean feat.
somehow... fear... might simply accelerate and overtake u no matter how u might have told urself to remain composed in times of this.
afraid that something unexpected would happen again. but then again, since when have our lives been so every predictable?
life is never predictable. sadly... hahaz.
but it's because of such uncertainty which made life even more beautiful.
there are some things which i would love to... seek a... probably... different answer than the one which had been given to me beforehand... somehow... juz had the desire to change whatever ending u call it... and perhaps, in the time i've left now.... i could seek that change i hope for...
and then again. some things are better left alone.
juz had a... rather... unexpected encounter bah... all thanks to my "inquisitive" nature... -_-''' well.. others might not have viewed it as being unexpected... guess this is probably subjective bah. when things juz simply seem to spiral out of ur control... although everything seems fine on the surface, and u seem to have reached a conclusion to that event.... there is still a slight possibility of a sudden change... which might catch one off guard... perhaps that's wad i fear... fear the unknown.... but... since it's unknown... y fear? hahaz. i'm simply contradicting myself.
-_-
even the prelims... i have such a... premonition that i wun do well.... juz a feeling.. but it's kinda scary bah.. hahaz... *actually such things no need to have premonition... juz look at the number of hours i spend online... hahaz. u get the picture... ;P* oh well. guess i'll juz have to try my luck bah... let nature take it's course.. hahaz.
omg. i think i'm starting to sound like someone. or maybe it's that person hu's trying to sound like me. wad am i talking abt. -_-
*wad u are observing now is a rather common phenomena which occurs to patients who are subjected to huge amounts of stress due to a pile of papers.*
sighz. how i wish i've got the power to control change. wahahahaz. fat hope.
19 September 2004
彩虹 Rainbow...
song by liang jing ru.. now it's repeating in my head over and over again. :D
彩虹 Rainbow
曲：阿信/梁伯君 词：阿信 编：阿信/梁伯君
坐在浴缸里 莲蓬头 代替我哭泣 像下雨
其实我不知道 眼泪有没有流 就像这故事 你有没有爱过我
虚弱的窗帘 留不住 房里的黑夜 也要走
清晨唤醒了我 照亮昨夜的梦 一直到这时候 才开始有一点懂
你的爱就像彩虹 雨后的天空 绚烂却教人迷惑 蓝绿黄红
你的爱就像彩虹 我张开了手 Oh 却只能抱住风
你的爱就像彩虹 雨后的天空 绚烂却教人迷惑 你的输廓
你的爱就像彩虹 我张开了手 Oh 却只能抱住风
吻我离开我 你就像 出太阳下雨 难捉摸
越是努力揣摩 越是搞不懂 只好慢慢承认 这故事叫做错
Oh 一层一层一层一层一层一层又一层层的迷宫 我来不及回头
Oh 忽左忽右忽上忽下忽东忽西忽前忽后的折磨 都是你的捉弄
你的爱就像彩虹 雨后的天空 绚烂却教人迷惑 蓝绿黄红
你的爱就像彩虹 我张开了手 Oh 却只能抱住风
你的爱就像彩虹 雨后的天空 绚烂却教人迷惑 你的输廓
你的爱就像彩虹 我张开了手 Oh 却只能抱住风
吻我离开我 你就像 出太阳下雨 难捉摸
越是努力挽留 越是一无所有 只好慢慢期待 雨后你的影踪
彩虹 Rainbow
曲：阿信/梁伯君 词：阿信 编：阿信/梁伯君
坐在浴缸里 莲蓬头 代替我哭泣 像下雨
其实我不知道 眼泪有没有流 就像这故事 你有没有爱过我
虚弱的窗帘 留不住 房里的黑夜 也要走
清晨唤醒了我 照亮昨夜的梦 一直到这时候 才开始有一点懂
你的爱就像彩虹 雨后的天空 绚烂却教人迷惑 蓝绿黄红
你的爱就像彩虹 我张开了手 Oh 却只能抱住风
你的爱就像彩虹 雨后的天空 绚烂却教人迷惑 你的输廓
你的爱就像彩虹 我张开了手 Oh 却只能抱住风
吻我离开我 你就像 出太阳下雨 难捉摸
越是努力揣摩 越是搞不懂 只好慢慢承认 这故事叫做错
Oh 一层一层一层一层一层一层又一层层的迷宫 我来不及回头
Oh 忽左忽右忽上忽下忽东忽西忽前忽后的折磨 都是你的捉弄
你的爱就像彩虹 雨后的天空 绚烂却教人迷惑 蓝绿黄红
你的爱就像彩虹 我张开了手 Oh 却只能抱住风
你的爱就像彩虹 雨后的天空 绚烂却教人迷惑 你的输廓
你的爱就像彩虹 我张开了手 Oh 却只能抱住风
吻我离开我 你就像 出太阳下雨 难捉摸
越是努力挽留 越是一无所有 只好慢慢期待 雨后你的影踪
eh... -_-|||
eh... -_- i juz did this quiz out of fun... dots... this is such a lame result.. hahaz.. but this simply goes to show how siandeds i am.. wahahahaz~
arigatou...
feeling blessed now... cos.. my mum juz bought me the 燕尾蝶 cd which i wanted quite badly... *cos i kept saying how i wanted to get that cd*... and she really bought it and cheong all the way home to let me see the cd.. but i was napping when she reached home.. den she cheonged out of the house again to shop for groceries... arrgh~ so 感动... and feeling so guilty... all thanks to my big mouth. arrgh. should have kept my mouth shut and save up using my own money to go buy that cd. stupid girl.
aniwae... juz came back from maf... going to start listening to the cd finally.. :D shall come back and "report" how nice the cd is... hahaz.... the cd case is a little cracked though... sighz... but... hehez... glad that my mum is so darn nice... :D
是“恋爱的力量”让近三十万人坚持敢爱的相信
是“恋爱的力量”让蝉连29周排行榜比永恒更像天方夜谭
是“恋爱的力量”改变了我们重新相信流行音乐还有感动两个字
每个人都爱上了她声音里的自己 每个人都爱上了她歌里的对方
那么小的梁静茹 给了我们那么强的力量
这样容易幻灭的年代 如果还有所谓的好缘份
我们的好缘份 非梁静茹的声音莫属
爱情绝处逢生 美丽破茧而出
不抒情年代的情歌奇迹
脱胎换骨的梁静茹
就是有办法让我们
下定爱的决心
下定决心蜕变 下定决心爱下去 下定决心要快乐
不论被爱或被伤害
为自己勇敢的 燕尾蝶
*taken from www.boxup.com*
aniwae... juz came back from maf... going to start listening to the cd finally.. :D shall come back and "report" how nice the cd is... hahaz.... the cd case is a little cracked though... sighz... but... hehez... glad that my mum is so darn nice... :D
是“恋爱的力量”让近三十万人坚持敢爱的相信
是“恋爱的力量”让蝉连29周排行榜比永恒更像天方夜谭
是“恋爱的力量”改变了我们重新相信流行音乐还有感动两个字
每个人都爱上了她声音里的自己 每个人都爱上了她歌里的对方
那么小的梁静茹 给了我们那么强的力量
这样容易幻灭的年代 如果还有所谓的好缘份
我们的好缘份 非梁静茹的声音莫属
爱情绝处逢生 美丽破茧而出
不抒情年代的情歌奇迹
脱胎换骨的梁静茹
就是有办法让我们
下定爱的决心
下定决心蜕变 下定决心爱下去 下定决心要快乐
不论被爱或被伤害
为自己勇敢的 燕尾蝶
*taken from www.boxup.com*
18 September 2004
白月光...
sians... totally siandeds by od le... guess i'll end up using blogger more now...
now listening to this song... makes me wanna melt into it... =) juz like when i hear songs like 纯真 or 黑白画映... hahaz... except that.. this song...reminds me of... certain stuff... hahaz...
白月光
sung by 张信哲
白月光 心里某个地方 那么亮 却那么冰凉
每个人 都有一段悲伤 想隐藏 却欲盖弥彰
白月光 在天涯的两端 在心上 却不在身旁
擦不干 你当时的泪光 路太长 追不回原谅
你是我 不能言说的伤 想遗忘 又忍不住回想
想流亡 一路跌跌撞撞 你的捆绑 无法释放
白月光 在天涯的两端 越隐瞒 越觉得孤单
擦不干 回忆理的泪光 路太长 怎么补偿
你是我 不能言说的伤 想遗忘 又忍不住回想
想流亡 一路跌跌撞撞 你的捆绑 无法释放
白月光 心里某个地方 那么亮 却那么冰凉
每个人 都有一段悲伤 想隐藏 却在生长
now listening to this song... makes me wanna melt into it... =) juz like when i hear songs like 纯真 or 黑白画映... hahaz... except that.. this song...reminds me of... certain stuff... hahaz...
白月光
sung by 张信哲
白月光 心里某个地方 那么亮 却那么冰凉
每个人 都有一段悲伤 想隐藏 却欲盖弥彰
白月光 在天涯的两端 在心上 却不在身旁
擦不干 你当时的泪光 路太长 追不回原谅
你是我 不能言说的伤 想遗忘 又忍不住回想
想流亡 一路跌跌撞撞 你的捆绑 无法释放
白月光 在天涯的两端 越隐瞒 越觉得孤单
擦不干 回忆理的泪光 路太长 怎么补偿
你是我 不能言说的伤 想遗忘 又忍不住回想
想流亡 一路跌跌撞撞 你的捆绑 无法释放
白月光 心里某个地方 那么亮 却那么冰凉
每个人 都有一段悲伤 想隐藏 却在生长
17 September 2004
宁夏...
all of a sudden... wanna post this song...
hahaz... it might juz be how i feel now... :P... it sounds like a lallaby... :P nice song to... put me to... lala land... =)
宁夏
sung by 梁静茹
宁静的夏天 天空中繁星点点
心里头有些思念 思念着你的脸
我可以假装看不见 也可以偷偷地想念
直到让我摸到你那温暖的脸
宁静的夏天 天空中繁星点点
心里头有些思念 思念着你的脸
我可以假装看不见 也可以偷偷地想念
直到让我摸到你那温暖的脸
知了也睡了 安心的睡了 在我心里面 宁静的夏天
知了也睡了 安心的睡了 在我心里面 宁静的夏天
宁静的夏天 天空中繁星点点
心里头有些思念 思念着你的脸
我可以假装看不见 也可以偷偷地想念
直到让我摸到你那温暖的脸
那是个宁静的夏天 你来到宁夏的那一天
知了也睡了 安心的睡了 在我心里面 宁静的夏天
知了也睡了 安心的睡了 在我心里面 宁静的夏天
hahaz... it might juz be how i feel now... :P... it sounds like a lallaby... :P nice song to... put me to... lala land... =)
宁夏
sung by 梁静茹
宁静的夏天 天空中繁星点点
心里头有些思念 思念着你的脸
我可以假装看不见 也可以偷偷地想念
直到让我摸到你那温暖的脸
宁静的夏天 天空中繁星点点
心里头有些思念 思念着你的脸
我可以假装看不见 也可以偷偷地想念
直到让我摸到你那温暖的脸
知了也睡了 安心的睡了 在我心里面 宁静的夏天
知了也睡了 安心的睡了 在我心里面 宁静的夏天
宁静的夏天 天空中繁星点点
心里头有些思念 思念着你的脸
我可以假装看不见 也可以偷偷地想念
直到让我摸到你那温暖的脸
那是个宁静的夏天 你来到宁夏的那一天
知了也睡了 安心的睡了 在我心里面 宁静的夏天
知了也睡了 安心的睡了 在我心里面 宁静的夏天
16 September 2004
confused.
someone tell me wad to do...
utterly confused. dunno wad to do.
dun want to hurt anybody le. but, i ended up hurting others more.
if we were together in the first place, maybe things wouldn't have happened.
but we weren't.
and maybe it's my fault that this happened.
all of us are tired.
once, i thought, how nice if... someone could come, and juz take me away from this world.
but now, i realised that, i dun want to leave in the first place...
utterly confused. dunno wad to do.
dun want to hurt anybody le. but, i ended up hurting others more.
if we were together in the first place, maybe things wouldn't have happened.
but we weren't.
and maybe it's my fault that this happened.
all of us are tired.
once, i thought, how nice if... someone could come, and juz take me away from this world.
but now, i realised that, i dun want to leave in the first place...
叶的离去，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留？
i once thought... if the leaf was persistent enough, it would never have left the tree even though the tree didn't try to stop it from leaving.
but i guess i was probably wrong.
the leaf can have times when it's totally tired...
and that's when... it would choose to leave when a wind is strong enough to blow it off it's place...
but... by leaving the tree, to a certain extent... the leaf is deceiving the wind... and perhaps, using the wind as a substitute..
it's totally unfair to the wind.
though the tree might have loved to have gotten rid of the leaf, and leaving the tree might seem to be the best way out for the leaf and the tree... but somehow...
perhaps, the best solution is to simply shrivel up and fall off the tree, and land softly on the ground, without succumbing to the wind's pursuit.
but... by leaving the tree, to a certain extent... the leaf is deceiving the wind... and perhaps, using the wind as a substitute..
it's totally unfair to the wind.
though the tree might have loved to have gotten rid of the leaf, and leaving the tree might seem to be the best way out for the leaf and the tree... but somehow...
perhaps, the best solution is to simply shrivel up and fall off the tree, and land softly on the ground, without succumbing to the wind's pursuit.
13 September 2004
燕尾蝶下定爱的决心...
arrgh... opendiary's down again. and i'm having a headache from mugging. arrgh.
aniwae.. juz wanna post some lyrics again... hahaz.. and pray that my headache would go away...
sighz.. i think i'm going to die from panadol overdose someday...
oh.. and.. her cd's coming out soon! yay! i'm going get it~~~ :D :D :D
燕尾蝶
曲：Rocker/阿信 | 词：Rocker/阿信 | 编：St
兴高采烈的破蛹 华丽新生的冲动 寻找灿烂 禁地 美梦
主宰爱情的是谁 奋不顾身的扑火 就算轮回 只为 衬托
你笑 你哭 你的动作 都是我的圣经 珍惜的背颂
我喜 我悲 我的生活 为你放弃自由 要 为 你 左右
你是火 你是风 你是织网的恶魔
破碎的 燕尾蝶 太多最后的美梦
你是火 你是风 你是天使的诱惑
让我做燕尾蝶 拥抱最后的美梦
让我短暂快乐很感动
兴高采烈的破蛹 冲破心神的冲动 寻找爱情世界 美梦
既然不是毛毛虫 就要壮烈的扑火 短短青春 要像 烟火
自生 自爱 自个挥霍 挥霍我的色采 在你 的天空
你想 你说 而要我做 其实我很快乐 全都因为
你是火 你是风 你是织网的恶魔
破碎的 燕尾蝶 太多最后的美梦
你是火 你是风 你是天使的诱惑
让我做 燕尾蝶 拥抱最后的美梦
让我短暂快乐很感动
你是火 你是风 你是织网的恶魔
破碎的 燕尾蝶 太多最后的美梦
你是火 你是风 你是天使的诱惑
让我做 燕尾蝶 拥抱最后的美梦
让我快乐让我痛
aniwae.. juz wanna post some lyrics again... hahaz.. and pray that my headache would go away...
sighz.. i think i'm going to die from panadol overdose someday...
oh.. and.. her cd's coming out soon! yay! i'm going get it~~~ :D :D :D
燕尾蝶
曲：Rocker/阿信 | 词：Rocker/阿信 | 编：St
兴高采烈的破蛹 华丽新生的冲动 寻找灿烂 禁地 美梦
主宰爱情的是谁 奋不顾身的扑火 就算轮回 只为 衬托
你笑 你哭 你的动作 都是我的圣经 珍惜的背颂
我喜 我悲 我的生活 为你放弃自由 要 为 你 左右
你是火 你是风 你是织网的恶魔
破碎的 燕尾蝶 太多最后的美梦
你是火 你是风 你是天使的诱惑
让我做燕尾蝶 拥抱最后的美梦
让我短暂快乐很感动
兴高采烈的破蛹 冲破心神的冲动 寻找爱情世界 美梦
既然不是毛毛虫 就要壮烈的扑火 短短青春 要像 烟火
自生 自爱 自个挥霍 挥霍我的色采 在你 的天空
你想 你说 而要我做 其实我很快乐 全都因为
你是火 你是风 你是织网的恶魔
破碎的 燕尾蝶 太多最后的美梦
你是火 你是风 你是天使的诱惑
让我做 燕尾蝶 拥抱最后的美梦
让我短暂快乐很感动
你是火 你是风 你是织网的恶魔
破碎的 燕尾蝶 太多最后的美梦
你是火 你是风 你是天使的诱惑
让我做 燕尾蝶 拥抱最后的美梦
让我快乐让我痛
10 August 2004
back!!!
oh... here i am... back.. to change the template of my oh so boring blog.. lolz~ aniwae... hope u *or rather myself since i dun think there's anyone out there reading my blog* like this new look.. tata~
31 March 2004
hey heyz..
hahaz.. came back to read my blog again... read it.. realised tt it's still damn depressing.. lolx~ actually.. presently i'm oso not feeling really good ar... juz... coming back here to check on some dates for a certain event.. but apparently can't find the info i need... sians ar.. lolx... but.. read abit of my od.. realise tt i sound really depressed.. lolx~
25 December 2003
merry christmas~~~ :D
finally... it's christmas... :D merry christmas, everyone~~~ :D
i feel so blessed todae... gave out presents to my family members, which seemed quite unlike me, cos last time we dun give presents to each other within the family... :D seeing them smile.. i feel so happy and glad tt i did give them presents.. though my presents are "cheap", but i really hope they like it.. :D
den.. went to study wif zhanxin and shian chi... really feel blessed to be able to see them on christmas, and to be able to spend time wif them... gave them candy cane and chocolate... though zhanxin din like sweets, but still he ate up the candy cane in front of me... really sorry for buying something he din like for his present.. but wad he did really touched me... thankx. and paiseh....
halfway through the "study group" at kap, i left the two of them and went for "family outing" wif my family... tot i was going to have a lunch feast, but i ended up spending my 3 hours there shopping... like crazy... hahas.. diao.... spend so much money... hehes...
after tt, went back to kap to study.... den after studying for 2 hours, left kap for home... it's drizzling... but i feel warm inside me, cos i know i'm being loved by my friends, by my family... :D it's really a happy dae for me... :D hope tt every dae can b something liddat too.. :D cos i wanna see the pple i love ard me smile...
merry christmas, everyone... :D
i feel so blessed todae... gave out presents to my family members, which seemed quite unlike me, cos last time we dun give presents to each other within the family... :D seeing them smile.. i feel so happy and glad tt i did give them presents.. though my presents are "cheap", but i really hope they like it.. :D
den.. went to study wif zhanxin and shian chi... really feel blessed to be able to see them on christmas, and to be able to spend time wif them... gave them candy cane and chocolate... though zhanxin din like sweets, but still he ate up the candy cane in front of me... really sorry for buying something he din like for his present.. but wad he did really touched me... thankx. and paiseh....
halfway through the "study group" at kap, i left the two of them and went for "family outing" wif my family... tot i was going to have a lunch feast, but i ended up spending my 3 hours there shopping... like crazy... hahas.. diao.... spend so much money... hehes...
after tt, went back to kap to study.... den after studying for 2 hours, left kap for home... it's drizzling... but i feel warm inside me, cos i know i'm being loved by my friends, by my family... :D it's really a happy dae for me... :D hope tt every dae can b something liddat too.. :D cos i wanna see the pple i love ard me smile...
merry christmas, everyone... :D
15 December 2003
m| sh| dE x|aO m|aN yAnG...
hahas.. long time nv post here liaoz..
these few days.... some pple say tt i look sad... well.. actually.. it's pansy and weixiang.. they said tt i looked sad.. when i wasn't feeling sad at all... how furnie.. hahas... den i went to ask junyi how i looked for the past few days.. he said i look lost... like i've lost my goal in life... i think this is quite true... unfortunately... hahas...
feel like i'm a lost sheep... bumping my way around... wonder whether it's becoz of tt guy... hope not... but i really dunno... sighz.. these few days.. not happy but not sad either... sometimes i really wanna cry.. but i juz can't form the tears in my eyes... laugh... junyi said tt when i laff he could tell tt i wasn't laffing from the bottom of my heart... arrgh... i really dunno wad to do...
maybe it's time i set myself a goal... and stop feeling lost... but wad goal would keep me focused? izzit studies? short term goal maybe... but wad abt long term? sighz... ask me to choose a path... i wun even noe wad paths r b4 me.. hahas... sotong jiu shi sotong mahz.. hahas..
dunno y ar... todae... tt person wif 10 letter name was so weird... pple say he got pms.. hahas... after our practice at around 7, he started to chase everybody in the mph away, without making a sound... he switched off the lights, locked the door and went off liddat with many pple still practising inside... knowing tt pple can still unlock the doors from the inside... wonder wad's wrong wif him.. probably it's cos of the practice with his solo song earlier... this makes me more curious as to the things tt happened with regards to him when he was back in hc.. hahas... me very kaypo ar... :P
sometimes i really question myself... y did i join the practices after my concert? y did i tie myself to this "commitment" which i dun feel committed to? i feel like i dun really noe the pple there... feel kinda distant from the pple at alumni co... sometimes i really hate myself for being so thick skinned to join a co with guys as the majority... hahas.. watashi wa baka desu...
these few days.... some pple say tt i look sad... well.. actually.. it's pansy and weixiang.. they said tt i looked sad.. when i wasn't feeling sad at all... how furnie.. hahas... den i went to ask junyi how i looked for the past few days.. he said i look lost... like i've lost my goal in life... i think this is quite true... unfortunately... hahas...
feel like i'm a lost sheep... bumping my way around... wonder whether it's becoz of tt guy... hope not... but i really dunno... sighz.. these few days.. not happy but not sad either... sometimes i really wanna cry.. but i juz can't form the tears in my eyes... laugh... junyi said tt when i laff he could tell tt i wasn't laffing from the bottom of my heart... arrgh... i really dunno wad to do...
maybe it's time i set myself a goal... and stop feeling lost... but wad goal would keep me focused? izzit studies? short term goal maybe... but wad abt long term? sighz... ask me to choose a path... i wun even noe wad paths r b4 me.. hahas... sotong jiu shi sotong mahz.. hahas..
dunno y ar... todae... tt person wif 10 letter name was so weird... pple say he got pms.. hahas... after our practice at around 7, he started to chase everybody in the mph away, without making a sound... he switched off the lights, locked the door and went off liddat with many pple still practising inside... knowing tt pple can still unlock the doors from the inside... wonder wad's wrong wif him.. probably it's cos of the practice with his solo song earlier... this makes me more curious as to the things tt happened with regards to him when he was back in hc.. hahas... me very kaypo ar... :P
sometimes i really question myself... y did i join the practices after my concert? y did i tie myself to this "commitment" which i dun feel committed to? i feel like i dun really noe the pple there... feel kinda distant from the pple at alumni co... sometimes i really hate myself for being so thick skinned to join a co with guys as the majority... hahas.. watashi wa baka desu...
04 December 2003
sHoULd | LeT gO oF mYsELf?
hahas... todae went for ccy camp.. supposed to be doing cip work and stuff.. hahas.. dunno y ar... in the end we played games the whole dae.. hahas....
todae.. learnt quite some stuff during a talk which i would usually have branded it as boring.... learn tt we muz acknowledge other's talents as well as our own... every child is gifted... this helps me build a little self confidence...
oso... keep giving... though we might have setbacks such as mistakes we could have commited, sickness or some other stuff... we should use these as motivation to make us continue giving... and most importantly... to learn to give... even when it hurts.. den continue giving more... :D
i think this is the most important i learnt todae.... cos... i've been feeling really tired nowadays... really started doubting the reasons behind wad i'm doing now.... wonder if i'm being too nice until i'm bullied and i dunno ... and wonder if it's easier for me to be not so nice.. to juz ignore other pple's feelings and stuff... sometimes... giving... hurts... even now... i still feel a little hurt when i try to give... maybe to a certain extent.. please the pple ard me.. hahas... really feel tired... juz feel like stopping.. but this talk gave me to motivation to move on with a renewed vigour...
another important thing which set me thinking during the talk was the thing of letting go of our consciousness... we dun give others or give really little to others because of our fear of being ridiculed... of being rejected and stuff... and so... in this case... if we feel hurt when giving to others... we should maybe let go of ourselves.. or look at things from the bigger picture... maybe i should do that... though i noe it'll hurt for me to do this... because i dunno wad's the implications of me letting go of my consciousness... but perhaps it'll be a little easier on my part... i dunno... the future is full of uncertainty bah.... hahas...
had much fun in this camp.... todae... though played games ... den ended up really dirty and stuff... but got to know more pple... kinda look forward to doing cip tomoloz.. hahas.. dunno when i'm so enthu abt this.. hehes... the structural lunch and stuff.. hahas... :P
after our camp... all dirty and stuff.. i went to clean up... went for dinner.. den went to study for sat... this is the time when i really tried to apply wad i learnt during the talk todae... cos as i tried to "give" to my two friends studying wif me... i noe i'm being silly... doing something which is totally not required on my part... there's no need for me to do tt.. and by doing so i'm in a sense being bullied and stuff... but... in the end i still gave them a free drink.. hahas.. actually.. coming to think of it.. it's such a small matter... but dun understand y i'll feeling so "hurt" abt simply giving such a small "treat"... hahas...
should i let go of myself? this is the question tt i really wonder now... a while ago.. i was feeling hurt cos of relationship stuff... now i seem to be facing tt feeling everyday cos i'm practically thinking abt it so often... if i let go of myself... i would probably feel less pain... but would tt mean i would sink further in? i really dunno... really unsure of wad this "choice" would probably lead to...
really look forward to the paint job tomoloz.. :D
todae.. learnt quite some stuff during a talk which i would usually have branded it as boring.... learn tt we muz acknowledge other's talents as well as our own... every child is gifted... this helps me build a little self confidence...
oso... keep giving... though we might have setbacks such as mistakes we could have commited, sickness or some other stuff... we should use these as motivation to make us continue giving... and most importantly... to learn to give... even when it hurts.. den continue giving more... :D
i think this is the most important i learnt todae.... cos... i've been feeling really tired nowadays... really started doubting the reasons behind wad i'm doing now.... wonder if i'm being too nice until i'm bullied and i dunno ... and wonder if it's easier for me to be not so nice.. to juz ignore other pple's feelings and stuff... sometimes... giving... hurts... even now... i still feel a little hurt when i try to give... maybe to a certain extent.. please the pple ard me.. hahas... really feel tired... juz feel like stopping.. but this talk gave me to motivation to move on with a renewed vigour...
another important thing which set me thinking during the talk was the thing of letting go of our consciousness... we dun give others or give really little to others because of our fear of being ridiculed... of being rejected and stuff... and so... in this case... if we feel hurt when giving to others... we should maybe let go of ourselves.. or look at things from the bigger picture... maybe i should do that... though i noe it'll hurt for me to do this... because i dunno wad's the implications of me letting go of my consciousness... but perhaps it'll be a little easier on my part... i dunno... the future is full of uncertainty bah.... hahas...
had much fun in this camp.... todae... though played games ... den ended up really dirty and stuff... but got to know more pple... kinda look forward to doing cip tomoloz.. hahas.. dunno when i'm so enthu abt this.. hehes... the structural lunch and stuff.. hahas... :P
after our camp... all dirty and stuff.. i went to clean up... went for dinner.. den went to study for sat... this is the time when i really tried to apply wad i learnt during the talk todae... cos as i tried to "give" to my two friends studying wif me... i noe i'm being silly... doing something which is totally not required on my part... there's no need for me to do tt.. and by doing so i'm in a sense being bullied and stuff... but... in the end i still gave them a free drink.. hahas.. actually.. coming to think of it.. it's such a small matter... but dun understand y i'll feeling so "hurt" abt simply giving such a small "treat"... hahas...
should i let go of myself? this is the question tt i really wonder now... a while ago.. i was feeling hurt cos of relationship stuff... now i seem to be facing tt feeling everyday cos i'm practically thinking abt it so often... if i let go of myself... i would probably feel less pain... but would tt mean i would sink further in? i really dunno... really unsure of wad this "choice" would probably lead to...
really look forward to the paint job tomoloz.. :D
03 December 2003
sorry for this terribly late post... THANKX~ to everyone who went for the klass bbq...
hahas... sorry abt this ar... so busy until i keep forgeting to thank all u guys... know tt i should tell ur straight face to face but scared i'll forget again.. hahas.. sotong jiu shi sotong mahz... so.. juz wanna say a big..
THANK YOU~~
to pple like weixiang who helped booked the bbq pit... to shian chi who helped out wif bbqing the food while others were pigging out (including me.. hahas.. guilty look... :P) to wendy who helped to marinate the chicken wings and to organise the whole event... to xiaoli who went to help us order the cake... to zhanxin who helped to bring the radio... and to every one who came.. :D especially junyi... :D hahas.. see? i din trick u into coming ar... if u dun come u'll really regret.. hehes.. and thankx to junyi oso for waiting for me tt dae.. hahas.. sorry for making u wait until so late... wanted to go off at 9.15.... in the end drag until so damn late.. paiseh paiseh....
hope u guys had loads of fun at the bbq... i really enjoyed it myself tt dae.. hope u guys did so too~~ hahas... :D
THANK YOU~~
to pple like weixiang who helped booked the bbq pit... to shian chi who helped out wif bbqing the food while others were pigging out (including me.. hahas.. guilty look... :P) to wendy who helped to marinate the chicken wings and to organise the whole event... to xiaoli who went to help us order the cake... to zhanxin who helped to bring the radio... and to every one who came.. :D especially junyi... :D hahas.. see? i din trick u into coming ar... if u dun come u'll really regret.. hehes.. and thankx to junyi oso for waiting for me tt dae.. hahas.. sorry for making u wait until so late... wanted to go off at 9.15.... in the end drag until so damn late.. paiseh paiseh....
hope u guys had loads of fun at the bbq... i really enjoyed it myself tt dae.. hope u guys did so too~~ hahas... :D
wAd aM | dO|nG?
dun understand wassup wif me... these few daes.... juz feel tt i'm not in a terribly good mood... like i'm not totally "myself"... get irritated easily... feel really tired and sick....
juz yesterdae... i did quite a few things which i dun understand y i did them... coming to think of it... i felt tt i shouldn't have done so.... dun understand y i am not in the "right" frame of mind.... going abt showing others impatience and stuff... the usual me would probably not be so easily irritated and get impatient....
the more i think of stuff... the more confused i am.... dunno wad i'm doing.... feeling lost.... lost in my thoughts probably... thinking of so many things... most of the time thinking of one person though... sad life... but not happy thoughts... i think i'm becoming more and more irrational... hahas.... is this bad? i think so.... hahas...
dun understand... y i'm doing stuff which would probably make others unhappy... and dun understand y i'm doing stuff which would also upset myself... dunno whether i should be happy... sad... upset... or joyous.... disappointed... relieved or anything.... feel like i'm floating again... lost probably... looking for something probably... but i dunno wad it is... hahas...
wad is the real me? izzit the one who always go around laffing her head off... self entertaining herself... trying to bring joy to others..... or izzit the one who's always so deep in thought.... the pessimist... or izzit the impatient one.... rash and impulsive... maybe all these are part of me... the different sides of me... but which one is my true self? sometimes... i'm really tired... others keep saying tt i'm such a nice person... but... am i really tt nice? really tired now.... tired of being the nice person or so they say... sometimes wonder... wad if i decide to be a baddie now... hahas.. wonder wad would happen...
juz yesterdae... i did quite a few things which i dun understand y i did them... coming to think of it... i felt tt i shouldn't have done so.... dun understand y i am not in the "right" frame of mind.... going abt showing others impatience and stuff... the usual me would probably not be so easily irritated and get impatient....
the more i think of stuff... the more confused i am.... dunno wad i'm doing.... feeling lost.... lost in my thoughts probably... thinking of so many things... most of the time thinking of one person though... sad life... but not happy thoughts... i think i'm becoming more and more irrational... hahas.... is this bad? i think so.... hahas...
dun understand... y i'm doing stuff which would probably make others unhappy... and dun understand y i'm doing stuff which would also upset myself... dunno whether i should be happy... sad... upset... or joyous.... disappointed... relieved or anything.... feel like i'm floating again... lost probably... looking for something probably... but i dunno wad it is... hahas...
wad is the real me? izzit the one who always go around laffing her head off... self entertaining herself... trying to bring joy to others..... or izzit the one who's always so deep in thought.... the pessimist... or izzit the impatient one.... rash and impulsive... maybe all these are part of me... the different sides of me... but which one is my true self? sometimes... i'm really tired... others keep saying tt i'm such a nice person... but... am i really tt nice? really tired now.... tired of being the nice person or so they say... sometimes wonder... wad if i decide to be a baddie now... hahas.. wonder wad would happen...
02 December 2003
|t'S f|naLLy oVeR~~~
wah.. finally my erhu exam is over~~~ yays~~~ :D really worked hard for this dae.. hahas...
hmms. dunno whether i'll b able to pass this exam... heard from my sis tt the examiners were laffing halfway through the exam.. dunno whether laffing at how pathetic i'm playing my songs or wad.. or maybe i look furnie.. hahas... or .. maybe i really look hilarious.. hahas...
now tt it's finally over... really wanna slack like hell... hahas... but the thought tt i'm going to stop my lessons makes me sad... dunno y.. hahas... erhu my lao gong mah.... hahas.... :P
hmms. dunno whether i'll b able to pass this exam... heard from my sis tt the examiners were laffing halfway through the exam.. dunno whether laffing at how pathetic i'm playing my songs or wad.. or maybe i look furnie.. hahas... or .. maybe i really look hilarious.. hahas...
now tt it's finally over... really wanna slack like hell... hahas... but the thought tt i'm going to stop my lessons makes me sad... dunno y.. hahas... erhu my lao gong mah.... hahas.... :P
25 November 2003
fRuStRaTeD~~~~
haiz... todae tot i was in quite a good mood ar... went for erhu lesson todae.. surprisingly.. i noe i'm really not up to standard ar.. but xls din scold me like she does towards sujuan.. arrgh.. dunno y lehz.. if she got nag at me den i probably wun feel so stressed ar.. but when she's nice to me.. i'll feel like i need to work really really hard to meet up her expectations.. hahas.. diao.. i think i'm super weird... can't stand pple being nice to me ar... hahas... think tt makes me easy to manipulate though.. hahas...
dunno lehz.. sometimes.. the nicer pple are towards me.. the more insecure i feel ar... maybe.. cos i dun understand y they are so nice to me bah.. it's like... firstly.. i'm not worth them being nice to me.. cos in the first place i'm not tt nice to them.. and secondly.. r they nice to me becoz they want something out of me? hahas.. silly lehz... but i think... i cannot fully escape from tt ying yin which still affects me a little...
sighz... wanna practise wif my sis for xin hun bie todae.. but den again she not free.. feeling stressed and frustrated cos i'm scared i cmi for the exam which is only 4 days away... it's like every time when i'm free she's not, and vice versa... for tt i'm really really worried tt we cannot go for the exam together.. and i think tt's y my mood spoil ar.. hahas. diao...
hahas.. my blog was almost discovered by someone.. hahas.. weird ar... i'm scared tt someone finds their way here without my knowing.. weird ar.. hahas.. i suppose i'm juz really paraniod abt such stuff ar.. abt letting pple know more abt me... maybe cos i'm scared they'll get too close for comfort.. dunno ar...
kkz larz.. shall jiayouz for erhu.. :D
dunno lehz.. sometimes.. the nicer pple are towards me.. the more insecure i feel ar... maybe.. cos i dun understand y they are so nice to me bah.. it's like... firstly.. i'm not worth them being nice to me.. cos in the first place i'm not tt nice to them.. and secondly.. r they nice to me becoz they want something out of me? hahas.. silly lehz... but i think... i cannot fully escape from tt ying yin which still affects me a little...
sighz... wanna practise wif my sis for xin hun bie todae.. but den again she not free.. feeling stressed and frustrated cos i'm scared i cmi for the exam which is only 4 days away... it's like every time when i'm free she's not, and vice versa... for tt i'm really really worried tt we cannot go for the exam together.. and i think tt's y my mood spoil ar.. hahas. diao...
hahas.. my blog was almost discovered by someone.. hahas.. weird ar... i'm scared tt someone finds their way here without my knowing.. weird ar.. hahas.. i suppose i'm juz really paraniod abt such stuff ar.. abt letting pple know more abt me... maybe cos i'm scared they'll get too close for comfort.. dunno ar...
kkz larz.. shall jiayouz for erhu.. :D
18 November 2003
shalalalaz~~~~~ :D
wah... finally.. another dae is over...
hahas.. i think i muz b mad... early in the morning i was like feeling so moody..but at the end of the day i feel so happy and pleased wif myself... ar... stop it ar... u still have loads of stuff to work on... wah~~~
wah.. yesterdae... sujuan juz called me at the end of the co practice to tell me tt she'll not b taking the erhu exam wif me... saying tt she's really busy and xls was saying tt she cmi ar... when i heard tt i feel really demoralised and down.. cos i oso noe tt i cmi ar... i was really tired ar.. cos i have been practising really hard (or maybe it wasn't hard enuff) for the week and becoz i had to attend to other problems i face.. i feel really drained ar... was on the verge of giving up liaoz.. den sj called and told me her decision.. it really made me wonder if i should oso juz give up... cos.. i really wanna rest ar...
but... at the beginning of the year... i had actually xia ding jue xin.. when i started going for private lessons wif xls... i was sorta telling myself tt i'll be committed to taking the exam at the end of the year.... no matter how tough it would be.... den.. yesterdae was still chatting wif kelvin, weixiang.. den... dey all encourage me to jiayou... really touched by their support.. :D
so.. dis morning when i woke up.. still feeling quite stressed.. cos i felt that i din practise really really hard... still got loads of stuff i need to practise for my three songs... but in the end... cos yesterdae nite weixiang was telling me tt i need to get out of the house to relax... not to feel so sad... so i decided to go orchard to play pool wif the guys.. :D ... hahas.. it's my second time... hahas.. but i'm still so lousy... sotong jiu shi sotong mahz... hahas.. i can tell tt my shi fu.. weixiang... see me play oso a bit buay tahan.. cos my aiming really lousy.. hahas.. :P ... dui bu qi ar, kor.... shi fu hao tu di lan.... tt's y.. hahas... :P
den.. at the end of the dae.. went for the erhu lesson.... i was feeling nervous.. cos i dunno how to break the news to xls abt sj....but in the end... all turned out quite well ar... phew.. hahas.. at the end of the lesson xls was telling me tt i got improvement... yay~~~~ :D :D :D ... hahas.. finally the sweat and toil i put in showed a bit of result.. hahas.. :D :D :D ... i think i'm going mad wif joy.. hahas.. i think i'm mad... okies.. stop it ar... still got a lot of things to work on ar.. hahas.. hahas.. :P
wah.. all of sudden... i feel like this lesson and "encouragement" from xls brightened up my dae... okies ar.. wad's left of my dae.. hahas...juz hope i can continue to improve... den can pass my erhu exam.. yay~~~ :D
hahas.. i think i muz b mad... early in the morning i was like feeling so moody..but at the end of the day i feel so happy and pleased wif myself... ar... stop it ar... u still have loads of stuff to work on... wah~~~
wah.. yesterdae... sujuan juz called me at the end of the co practice to tell me tt she'll not b taking the erhu exam wif me... saying tt she's really busy and xls was saying tt she cmi ar... when i heard tt i feel really demoralised and down.. cos i oso noe tt i cmi ar... i was really tired ar.. cos i have been practising really hard (or maybe it wasn't hard enuff) for the week and becoz i had to attend to other problems i face.. i feel really drained ar... was on the verge of giving up liaoz.. den sj called and told me her decision.. it really made me wonder if i should oso juz give up... cos.. i really wanna rest ar...
but... at the beginning of the year... i had actually xia ding jue xin.. when i started going for private lessons wif xls... i was sorta telling myself tt i'll be committed to taking the exam at the end of the year.... no matter how tough it would be.... den.. yesterdae was still chatting wif kelvin, weixiang.. den... dey all encourage me to jiayou... really touched by their support.. :D
so.. dis morning when i woke up.. still feeling quite stressed.. cos i felt that i din practise really really hard... still got loads of stuff i need to practise for my three songs... but in the end... cos yesterdae nite weixiang was telling me tt i need to get out of the house to relax... not to feel so sad... so i decided to go orchard to play pool wif the guys.. :D ... hahas.. it's my second time... hahas.. but i'm still so lousy... sotong jiu shi sotong mahz... hahas.. i can tell tt my shi fu.. weixiang... see me play oso a bit buay tahan.. cos my aiming really lousy.. hahas.. :P ... dui bu qi ar, kor.... shi fu hao tu di lan.... tt's y.. hahas... :P
den.. at the end of the dae.. went for the erhu lesson.... i was feeling nervous.. cos i dunno how to break the news to xls abt sj....but in the end... all turned out quite well ar... phew.. hahas.. at the end of the lesson xls was telling me tt i got improvement... yay~~~~ :D :D :D ... hahas.. finally the sweat and toil i put in showed a bit of result.. hahas.. :D :D :D ... i think i'm going mad wif joy.. hahas.. i think i'm mad... okies.. stop it ar... still got a lot of things to work on ar.. hahas.. hahas.. :P
wah.. all of sudden... i feel like this lesson and "encouragement" from xls brightened up my dae... okies ar.. wad's left of my dae.. hahas...juz hope i can continue to improve... den can pass my erhu exam.. yay~~~ :D
16 November 2003
hahas.. in honour of my kor... :P
hahas.. promised my kor tt i'll set a post specially aside for him.. kor.. u happy a nots? :P
hahas.. weixiang ar... he's a really nice kor ar... he can always make me happy when he's around.. crapping lame jokes.. making furnie comments abt pple... :P really makes me laff my head off even when i'm really totally down... :D
he's oso a really nice person to confide to and to share secrets with.... really enjoy talking to him... to share our joys and sorrows.. he's definitely nicer than my first kor from ac.. tt horrible randy ar.. hahas.. :P (opps.. sorry kor.. ermz.. i mean... randy... :P)
hahas.. my first impression of him when i first met the klass is tt he's an outgoing person... someone who's pretty straightforward.. one who is capable... experienced when it comes to leadership stuff... someone others can probably look up to... but not someone who's very serious... someone who seemed to be influential.... but rather... in a somewhat negative way... i dunno how to put it.. cos when i first got to know him.. we still weren't close... den i see how he plays and hangs out wif our klassmates... he's like one major source of gossip.. (hahas.. juz like me..) den.. gives me the impression tt he's someone who can't really keep secrets... but i'm totally wrong.. and i'm really glad i'm wrong in this aspect.. :D
i'm really fortunate to get to noe u ar.. weixiang.. :D really hope tt we can be friends 4eva and for u to be my kor always... let us work hard during the hols to brush up on our studies together, kayz? :D
cheers.. :D
hahas.. weixiang ar... he's a really nice kor ar... he can always make me happy when he's around.. crapping lame jokes.. making furnie comments abt pple... :P really makes me laff my head off even when i'm really totally down... :D
he's oso a really nice person to confide to and to share secrets with.... really enjoy talking to him... to share our joys and sorrows.. he's definitely nicer than my first kor from ac.. tt horrible randy ar.. hahas.. :P (opps.. sorry kor.. ermz.. i mean... randy... :P)
hahas.. my first impression of him when i first met the klass is tt he's an outgoing person... someone who's pretty straightforward.. one who is capable... experienced when it comes to leadership stuff... someone others can probably look up to... but not someone who's very serious... someone who seemed to be influential.... but rather... in a somewhat negative way... i dunno how to put it.. cos when i first got to know him.. we still weren't close... den i see how he plays and hangs out wif our klassmates... he's like one major source of gossip.. (hahas.. juz like me..) den.. gives me the impression tt he's someone who can't really keep secrets... but i'm totally wrong.. and i'm really glad i'm wrong in this aspect.. :D
i'm really fortunate to get to noe u ar.. weixiang.. :D really hope tt we can be friends 4eva and for u to be my kor always... let us work hard during the hols to brush up on our studies together, kayz? :D
cheers.. :D
11 November 2003
lemme wake up from this horrible dream...
todae is simply a horrible dae ar... think i screwed up loads of stuff....
haiz.. pw todae again... really wanna kill my brother... (the one in sec one, not weixiang...) he deleted my pw slides without asking me, and tt's the only copy i had... wah.. the moment i think of it, my headache comes back at full blast.... and he din even bothered to apologise lohz... haiz.. the more i think of it the more i wanna kill him...
he really reminds me of this person in my klass whom i dun like and both came from tchs... the thought of it makes me sick... my brother and yh.. becoming alike... it's like the two of them came out from the same mould... sickening...
haiz.. becoz of my brother's stupid action.. i got so scared and stressed abt pw.... haiz... went to school... saw my grp members there.. dunno how to face them ar.... i feel like i'm responsible ar.. den becoz of the deleted file, our grp had to work on the slides extra hard....
most of our klassmates are working in the com lab wif us to finish up our op for pw... den they were all waiting for us to go for lunch.... but.... juz as we were going to burn our file into the cd... guess wad? the com hang..... wah.. our files kanna deleted.. cos tt's how the coms in the lab work.. once it reboots, any files tt are not the original files which we found in the com would b deleted... wah... and it's all my fault.. cos i was too impatient... i knew tt the com was abt to hang... so i pressed ctrl + alt + del... din noe tt the files would be gone if i did tt.. sighz...
haiz.. i'm really thankful towards my grp members... weixiang and zhanxin... for being so understanding... haiz... i really feel like i did them a disservice.. always puting our grp into jeopady... (not sure abt spelling.. hahas...) haiz... yet they are still so nice to me... really touched... *sobz*
finally finished wif pw... went on to attend my erhu lesson.. things were as bad as always.. i couldn't memorise the scores for the song han gong qiu yue... sighz... really sad todae.. some more got a bad headache.. oso dunno why... maybe stressed ar... haiz...
juz feel like i'm living in this dream.. maybe the after effects from watching the matrix? hahas... if i'm really living a dream for this dae, i wanna wake up.... haiz...
haiz.. pw todae again... really wanna kill my brother... (the one in sec one, not weixiang...) he deleted my pw slides without asking me, and tt's the only copy i had... wah.. the moment i think of it, my headache comes back at full blast.... and he din even bothered to apologise lohz... haiz.. the more i think of it the more i wanna kill him...
he really reminds me of this person in my klass whom i dun like and both came from tchs... the thought of it makes me sick... my brother and yh.. becoming alike... it's like the two of them came out from the same mould... sickening...
haiz.. becoz of my brother's stupid action.. i got so scared and stressed abt pw.... haiz... went to school... saw my grp members there.. dunno how to face them ar.... i feel like i'm responsible ar.. den becoz of the deleted file, our grp had to work on the slides extra hard....
most of our klassmates are working in the com lab wif us to finish up our op for pw... den they were all waiting for us to go for lunch.... but.... juz as we were going to burn our file into the cd... guess wad? the com hang..... wah.. our files kanna deleted.. cos tt's how the coms in the lab work.. once it reboots, any files tt are not the original files which we found in the com would b deleted... wah... and it's all my fault.. cos i was too impatient... i knew tt the com was abt to hang... so i pressed ctrl + alt + del... din noe tt the files would be gone if i did tt.. sighz...
haiz.. i'm really thankful towards my grp members... weixiang and zhanxin... for being so understanding... haiz... i really feel like i did them a disservice.. always puting our grp into jeopady... (not sure abt spelling.. hahas...) haiz... yet they are still so nice to me... really touched... *sobz*
finally finished wif pw... went on to attend my erhu lesson.. things were as bad as always.. i couldn't memorise the scores for the song han gong qiu yue... sighz... really sad todae.. some more got a bad headache.. oso dunno why... maybe stressed ar... haiz...
juz feel like i'm living in this dream.. maybe the after effects from watching the matrix? hahas... if i'm really living a dream for this dae, i wanna wake up.... haiz...
10 November 2003
haiz...
another dae juz passed...
dunno ar.. remember i said something tt i felt tt something is abt to happen? dunno.. somehow.. after my chat wif pansy.. tt feeling is coming back, strong than b4..
todae.. had pw... sighz... dunno y.. dunno whether it's my problem or sheila's... i feel like i offended sheila in some way or another... like she's super bu shuang wif me.... dunno ar.. maybe i'm juz too sensitive on my part.. but i remember todae.. i tried to carry something for her todae when she said dun try to, and she shot me this poisonous look as if she's going to kill me... this made me really pissed off... i wanna taunt her.. (dunno.. this ah lian in me izzit?) telling her tt i'm not scared of her shooting tt poisonous look at me.. (come on ar.. i think i can oso b as scary as her lohz.. tt look.. i mean.. dunno ar..) but then.. i dun wana make things worst, so i juz dropped her bag to let herself carry...
she remains as nice to all the pple around her except me.. at least tt's how i feel.. she seems really hostile... maybe i haven't been talking to her for some time... dunno ar.. but i feel that i'm at fault... maybe a little, but the main focus dun seem to be me lehz.. hahas.. i think all of us would choose to think that others are at fault before we think tt it's our own fault.. haha...
besides tt.. todae.. i finally had a good chat wif pansy todae... after op todae, i went out wif her for a meal.. :D hahas.. tried really good food.. eat until i still wanna eat.. go home still gobble up my dinner. hahas.. i think i'll turn into a pig at this rate ar.. hahas.. :P
i told her abt this feeling tt something is abt to happen... and she told me not to worry.. but it's after i told her this, i started to think more abt this, and tt feeling seems to grow stronger... dun understand y... dunno whether tt thing which is abt to happen is something good or bad... but.. i dun seem to like tt thing to happen... it's weird lar.. even i can't really explain it... maybe i'm afraid tt it would change the way i live my life... nola.. i dun think it would have such a huge impact.. ermz.. maybe.. how it might change the way i perceive things?
hahas.. she's talking abt her perfect wedding, den she decided not to tell me the details of wad she wants in order for her wedding to b a perfect one.. cos she scared tt i copy her.. hahas... den i told her i might not even get married in the first place.. hahas... dunno lehz.. i seem, no... i have this really pessimistic view abt love.. hahas.. sad case ar.. :P .. any way.. her first reaction was... are u going to b a spinster?... hahas... dunno ar... somehow.. i feel tt if in my lifetime i really din meet the person whom i'm going to marry becoz i love him or becoz fate binds ur together, i dun think i'll ever get married... hahas... somehow i juz have the feeling tt i'll never meet that special person..
haiz.. 10 more daes to 20 Nov.. i'm getting nearer and nearer to 1 Dec... to my erhu exam.. i noe i have to sit down and practise, but i'm can't seem to get into the "mugging" mode lehz.. dunno ar... juz feel like lazing around.. slacking around.. hahas... lazy bum.. :P
kkz larz.. tt's all for now.. gotta watch xi jie shao nian.. :P
dunno ar.. remember i said something tt i felt tt something is abt to happen? dunno.. somehow.. after my chat wif pansy.. tt feeling is coming back, strong than b4..
todae.. had pw... sighz... dunno y.. dunno whether it's my problem or sheila's... i feel like i offended sheila in some way or another... like she's super bu shuang wif me.... dunno ar.. maybe i'm juz too sensitive on my part.. but i remember todae.. i tried to carry something for her todae when she said dun try to, and she shot me this poisonous look as if she's going to kill me... this made me really pissed off... i wanna taunt her.. (dunno.. this ah lian in me izzit?) telling her tt i'm not scared of her shooting tt poisonous look at me.. (come on ar.. i think i can oso b as scary as her lohz.. tt look.. i mean.. dunno ar..) but then.. i dun wana make things worst, so i juz dropped her bag to let herself carry...
she remains as nice to all the pple around her except me.. at least tt's how i feel.. she seems really hostile... maybe i haven't been talking to her for some time... dunno ar.. but i feel that i'm at fault... maybe a little, but the main focus dun seem to be me lehz.. hahas.. i think all of us would choose to think that others are at fault before we think tt it's our own fault.. haha...
besides tt.. todae.. i finally had a good chat wif pansy todae... after op todae, i went out wif her for a meal.. :D hahas.. tried really good food.. eat until i still wanna eat.. go home still gobble up my dinner. hahas.. i think i'll turn into a pig at this rate ar.. hahas.. :P
i told her abt this feeling tt something is abt to happen... and she told me not to worry.. but it's after i told her this, i started to think more abt this, and tt feeling seems to grow stronger... dun understand y... dunno whether tt thing which is abt to happen is something good or bad... but.. i dun seem to like tt thing to happen... it's weird lar.. even i can't really explain it... maybe i'm afraid tt it would change the way i live my life... nola.. i dun think it would have such a huge impact.. ermz.. maybe.. how it might change the way i perceive things?
hahas.. she's talking abt her perfect wedding, den she decided not to tell me the details of wad she wants in order for her wedding to b a perfect one.. cos she scared tt i copy her.. hahas... den i told her i might not even get married in the first place.. hahas... dunno lehz.. i seem, no... i have this really pessimistic view abt love.. hahas.. sad case ar.. :P .. any way.. her first reaction was... are u going to b a spinster?... hahas... dunno ar... somehow.. i feel tt if in my lifetime i really din meet the person whom i'm going to marry becoz i love him or becoz fate binds ur together, i dun think i'll ever get married... hahas... somehow i juz have the feeling tt i'll never meet that special person..
haiz.. 10 more daes to 20 Nov.. i'm getting nearer and nearer to 1 Dec... to my erhu exam.. i noe i have to sit down and practise, but i'm can't seem to get into the "mugging" mode lehz.. dunno ar... juz feel like lazing around.. slacking around.. hahas... lazy bum.. :P
kkz larz.. tt's all for now.. gotta watch xi jie shao nian.. :P
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